When somebody says they're not rubbing it in, they're usually rubbing it in.

"Eckstein has now won two rings as a starting shortstop, one in each league. Not to rub it in. [sic] but he and Scott Spiezio are now each up two rings on A-Rod."

Eckstein and Spiezio are now each up two rings on the combined totals for ARod, Ernie Banks, Ty Cobb, Ted Williams, Don Mattingly, Mike Piazza, Vladimir Guerrero, Barry Bonds, Carl Yastrzemski, Garth Iorg, Matt Luke, Peyton Manning, and Charles Barkley.

Andy Fox and Clay Bellinger are now each up only one ring.

Is there a point?

Yes, there is.

The point is ...

Well, there is no point.

Other than to rub it in.

Peters Abrahams are Jeter's Biggest Fanboys.

"For the first time in his career, Derek Jeter's character has been questioned."

I think Jeter is a phony. Great baseball player, but a phony.

I think Jeter likes to win as much as anybody else, but Jeter also wants to win on his own terms. His antagonistic relationship with ARod has simply revealed a side of his personality that was always there.

Gary Sheffield refuses to play first base and, because of this, lots of people are angry with Gary Sheffield's attitude. Derek Jeter refused to leave his position at shortstop when ARod came to the Yankees (Jeter wasn't asked to leave his position, of course), but this selfish attitude was perceived as the confident swagger required of a premier baseball player.

Why should Jeter have moved from shortstop? Or at least considered it? Simple. To help the New York Yankees win baseball games.


"Some believe he has shirked his duties as captain of the Yankees by not rising to the defense of beleaguered teammate Alex Rodriguez."

Well, duh.

The duties of a captain are not legally binding or explicitly codified, but defending beleaguered teammates seems like Priority One.

Why is this Priority One? Simple. To help the New York Yankees win baseball games.


"Jeter apparently is supposed to make some sort of public show of support for A-Rod."

Yes. Not just for ARod, but for every single Yankee player ever. Every player, coach, manager, scout, ballboy, owner, fan, beer vendor, and guy selling unlicensed merchandise from the back of a van on Jerome Avenue.

Okay, okay. Perhaps I'm being unfair since I just ridiculed Jeter for being a phony and then demanded his 100% number one happy media face. But the treatment of ARod is quite conspicuous due to the lack of support. I think Jeter publicly supported Ruben Rivera more forcefully than he supports ARod.

It's very curious if you read the reactions of Jeter and Torre when they're asked about ARod.

Jeter expects ARod back because ARod has several years left on his contract. Torre expects ARod back because of, well, the no-trade clause for one. Also, ARod is an important piece of the puzzle, I guess, since he's the reigning AL MVP and all.

Once -- just once -- somebody say that ARod is a great ballplayer. That's why you want him on the Yankees. Because you want to win baseball games.

One nanosecond of visible dismay at the notion of ARod being traded away from the Yankees. You want him on the Yankees because he's a great ballplayer and even a great teammate. Or even if he's a lame teammate, you take the high road because you're a great teammate.

But Jeter and Torre won't say anything like that because they don't want to share credit or share blame.

You have four rings without ARod, don't you? ARod will never be able to catch you, will he? He was demoted to number eight in the batting order, wasn't he? It's his fault, wasn't it?


"Theoretically, this would lead to great harmony in the Bronx and the booing would stop."

Well, not exactly, but it couldn't hurt.


"Our question is this: What exactly needs to be fixed? In his three seasons with the Yankees, Rodriguez has hit .299 with an average of 40 homers and 119 RBI per season.

Only four players in baseball have driven in more runs in those three seasons. In games played at Yankee Stadium — in front of those mean fans whom Jeter is supposed to lecture — Rodriguez is hitting .314.

With Rodriguez in the lineup, the Yankees have been either first or second in the majors in scoring and averaged 98 victories a season."

Who is the "our" that is asking this question?

Crass jokes about weight aside, is Peter Abraham a plural?

I'm glad the Abrahams pointed out ARod's success in New York. Maybe they should remind Jeter and Torre next time they see them.


"Rodriguez creates his own problems with self-reverential comments about how good-looking and smart he is. He preens one day and pouts the next, presenting the image of a tortured artist. There are more self-help books in his locker than at the local Barnes & Noble."

What problems? To quote from Peters Abrahams:

In his three seasons with the Yankees, Rodriguez has hit .299 with an average of 40 homers and 119 RBI per season.

Only four players in baseball have driven in more runs in those three seasons. In games played at Yankee Stadium — in front of those mean fans whom Jeter is supposed to lecture — Rodriguez is hitting .314.

With Rodriguez in the lineup, the Yankees have been either first or second in the majors in scoring and averaged 98 victories a season.

Maybe this column really is written by two people: Peter Abraham's split personalities.

But who's counting?

"It's easier to keep the team together when you're winning," said Jeter, mobbed by reporters after he stepped away from the presentation table. "It's been five years since we've won. I would expect we'll probably make some changes."

1) '01 with the ninth-inning homeruns and the bloop single by the steroid guy.

2) '02 with the Angels.

3) '03 with Jeff Weaver and Josh Beckett.

4) '04 with the Red Sox.

5) '05 with the Angels again.

6) '06 with the Tigers.

Backhanded Compliments.

"One NL scout said it's an insult to David Eckstein to keep talking about what an overachiever he is. 'He's not an overachiever,' the scout said. 'He's just a very good ballplayer.' "

Dude, don't be insulted.

In 2006, this overachiever had a .344 slugging percentage and 23 whole runs batted in.

Imagine if he'd merely achieved. He might have had negative runs batted in.


"Randolph is likely to get a three-year extension. And why not? He easily outmanaged Joe Torre."

The term "outmanaged" is typically used when one manager's team faces another manager's team head to head.

In the playoffs, Randolph may have outmanaged Little and La Russa. Randolph didn't outmanage Torre, because the Mets never played the Yankees.

But, yeah, I think we can safely assume that Randolph would have outmanaged Torre had their teams met in the World Series.

Give Willie an extension and a raise.

Or maybe Minaya should give the raise and three-year extension to a cardboard cutout of Randolph instead. Because we can similarly safely assume that a cardboard cutout of Willie Randolph would have outmanaged Joe Torre.

Talk Radio

Overheard within a five-minute span on sports talk radio this afternoon:

1. "Chris Duncan couldn't hit a lefthander if it was a tee-ball game."
2. Caller: "I think Delgado would have scored on Green's double if it were not for fan interference." Joe Benigno: "But it's a moot point because they both scored on Valentin's double." Caller: "Oh, yeah."

The first time is often the most difficult.

When will a New York City Metropolitan area sports columnist actually openly criticize David Wright?

Dan Graziano takes the plunge:

"Give David Wright credit for one thing. When it was all over, he was right there at his locker, answering questions about where Game 5 went wrong. Got to give him credit for that.

But that's it."

The best part is that Wright was 1-for-4 with a "close-and-late" eighth inning double that almost saved the game (and the season?!) for the New York Mets.

But once you break the seal, there's no turning back.

If the Mets lose tonight and Wright pulls an o-fer ... well ... then the Mets might have to trade Wright to the Cubs.

Imagine if he had two hits.

David Wright is looking at his slump the "wright" way.

David Wright is back on track.

David Wright has broken out of his doldrums.

David Wright has an airplane named after him.

At the risk of jinxing the Cardinals with a ninth-inning grand slam, I think it's appropriate to point out that David Wright has one hit in sixteen at-bats in the National League Championship Series.

The best .000 hitter in playoff history.

The continued wonders of small sample size:

"Just think, for a minute, what would be going on right now in New York if that other third baseman were 0-for-9 in an LCS and his team was trailing. Just think what we'd be saying about Alex Rodriguez if he were rattling off clichés like those Wright was spinning when this one was over.

David Wright doesn't get ripped the way Alex Rodriguez does, and he shouldn't."

Imagine my shock and delight when Dan Graziano (1) noticed that David Wright has been a bust in the playoffs so far and (2) Alex Rodriguez shouldn't get ripped the way he gets ripped.


"He doesn't have nearly as much experience. He makes approximately $25 million less per year. He doesn't walk around alienating everybody by talking about how bright he is."

Oh.

The "he" who shouldn't get ripped is David Wright.

I forgot: David Wright makes less money than Alex Rodriguez, is less experienced than Alex Rodriguez (which is good?), and doesn't walk around alienating everybody like Alex Rodriguez does.

Ed Coleman also is on record claiming he wishes he had a son like David Wright.

The fans want Wright to be the new Mets cap'n because he's a young, energetic, hard-working .000 hitter who brings the team together while hitting .000 in the NLCS with a positive attitude that belies his .000 NLCS batting average.


I can only hope Eddie Jr. tanks for the whole series and makes a couple of errors at third base for good measure .

His "stubbly face" plastered on the back cover of the New York newspapers with a big, red circle and a slash through it.

I've even got an awesome headline ready to go: Wright is wrong.

Mets' Season Slipping Away!

I keep hearing how the Mets want to grab all the back page headlines away from the Yankees.

You want the back page?

You got it.

But you're not allowed to lose a game, ever.

Next time, just stop at two.

There is no rule that says you have to stretch to come up with a list of Five Things.

You can bullet two things or just write two separate paragraphs.

For inexplicable reasons, Jon Heyman stretched logic to a breaking point to achieve a list of Five Things.

In this case, it's the Top Five Yankee Castoffs who are achieving success with the Mets:

"1. Randolph. Yankees decision-makers never envisioned Randolph as a potential replacement for Joe Torre, and in fact the Mets' solitary pause before hiring Randolph came after so-so recommendations from Yankees people."

I don't know how true this really is.

The Yankees already had their manager and Randolph was a Yankee coach for a long, long time. His success with the Yankees undoubtedly helped his resume.

Upon Torre's long-overdue departue, would Randolph had been a serious candidate? He probably would have been.

Randolph got tired of waiting and, at this rate, Randolph undoutedly made the correct career decision. At this rate, Torre will be managing the Yankees until he decides to retire ca. 2050.

Randolph is achieving success this year with the Mets, but it's not accurate to label him as a Yankee castoff.


"2. Beltran. On the day he would sign with the Mets, he offered to become a Yankee for $99 million, a $20 million discount that agent Scott Boras rarely gives. But the Yankees turned Beltran away. Instead, the object of their affection was a pitcher 15 years' Beltran's senior, Randy Johnson."

Depends on how you look at it.

In 2005, Beltran was dogmeat and the Mets only won 83 games.

In 2006, Beltran has been an MVP candidate and Johnson has been a 5.00 ERA bust. But Johnny Damon had a nice little season himself with the Yankees.

See, put this decision in the context of Game Seven of the 2004 ALCS. Downtown Kevin Brown.

The Yankees specifically decided they'd rather have Unit on the mound with Crosby in CF than have Beltran in CF with, say, Jon Lieber on the mound. Pitching and Defense, people. Remember? Pitching and defense?

Two years later, Johnson has busted, despite 35 regular season wins.

But it's hard to regret the decision to add more pitching, pitching, pitching.


Not a huge deal.

If Heyman insists, I will give him the top two: "The Yankees regret missed opportunities with Randolph and Beltran."

Now is when the list gets really goofy:

"3. Hitting coach Rick Down. The day before Down was dumped by the Yankees following the 2003 season, Torre kissed him on the cheek and told him he had nothing to worry about. The next day the call came, but not from Torre: Down was fired."

Ummm ... I'm speechless.


"4. Jeff Weaver, Kenny Rogers and Jose Contreras (in 2005). Bronx pitching flops seem to find their groove as playoff participants after they leave. Weaver pitched another gem on Thursday night, save for Beltran's two-run home run."

To be truthful, I don't think the Yankee rotation would benefit from any of these pitchers.

The headline of this article reads, "Mets prosper thanks to Yankees' many poor decisions."

But what do Weaver, Rogers, and Contreras have to do with the Mets?


"5. Strawberry. Steinbrenner loves the big names, so even this one probably hurt. Straw looked great in orange and blue, except that he still needs to learn how to drop the lowlifes that tend to hang with him (beyond Steinbrenner, I mean)."

Besides the classy dig at the 76-year-old owner of the Yankees, this is really quite a stretch.

Seven years after winning his third ring with the Yankees, Strawberry is back with the Mets.

Throwing out the first pitch.

This supposedly bothers George Steinbrenner and Yankee fans for some reason.

In all honesty, I don't recall who has been throwing out the first pitch at Yankee games recently. Maybe Rudy Giuliani, maybe Drew Barrymore, maybe Yogi Berra, maybe Ronan Tynan.

It probably wasn't a degenerate wife beater like Darryl Strawberry.

2-for-15 in the playoffs.

Time to trade him.

Hooray!

What a relief!

The speculation has ended and Joe Torre will be back to manage the Yankees in 2007.

But that's not the question that was truly answered this afternoon.

Why am I happy? Why am I relieved? I thought Felz didn't want Torre back in 2007.

Yes, that is absolutely correct, astute reader.

But a more important question has been definitively answered this afternoon. A question that Man has pondered for eons.

If this is true, then there is no God.

Hooray!

No Heaven and no Hell and no reason to go to church or synagogue!

Now millions of people can kick back and watch the NFL pregame shows on Sunday morning.

Hooray!

Managers don't make any difference.

So why does a team even have a manager in the first place?

"Just ask yourself something first. What would Lou Piniella or any other manager have done differently?"

I don't really think Piniella is the best choice. I'd go straight to Mattingly. But Piniella would certainly do a lot of things differently.


"Scream more?"

Yup, for starters.

This team needed a kick in the butt for so long, that Jason Giambi, of all people, was apparently forced to insist on some tough love.

Lou Piniella would hopefully never, ever refer to David Ortiz as "Big Papi." Ortiz gets dusted his first two at-bats at the Stadium next year. Every time Jeter gets hit by a pitch, the other team's shortstop gets hit twice.


"Hit and run less?"

Funny you should mention that, but it's a good idea. Hit and run less.

From my count, small ball tactics were 0-for-4 in the ALDS and maybe -- it's all speculation, of course -- but maybe, the .340 hitter who was just 5-for-5 doesn't need to bunt in the first inning of game two.

Would Piniella hit and run less? Maybe not.

Let's get a manager who will.


"Use the hook on one pitcher a little earlier or another a little later?"

Is Litke joking?

This is a rather insouciant dismissal of the most important decision a manager can make.

Piniella is a bad counter-example because he shreds through bullpen arms almost as quickly as Torre does.

But the Yankees lost the entire ALDS, quite possibly, when Torre let Mussina pitch to Granderson. Or maybe when Torre sent Wang to New York for a non-existent Game Five.

"A little earlier or a littler later" is kind of the "little" difference between "winning" and "losing."


"But whatever team you turn over to whomever has the manager's job next season, keep in mind that the Big Apple is no place for the meek. Torre has shown more patience than the job merited, sought less credit than he deserved, won as often as he should have and never once complained."

Joe Torre never once complained? Go read the SI article.

Joe Torre sought less credit than he deserved? Joe Torre has been focusing on his post-career speaking tour for years. He won't argue a call at third base because he's got a lot of promotional money wrapped up in the whole Classy image.

If the Big Apple is no place for the meek, then it's no place for Joe Torre.

It was a great and successful run. But this has been coming for a long time.


Don't weep for Joe Torre.

Weep for the ad managers for Bigelow Tea and Subway sandwiches.

Give Peter Abraham a Pulitzer.

Just don't take him to Vegas with you:

"Last fall, as he contemplated leaving the job he has loved the most, Torre briefly wondered how all those books and the other keepsakes in his stadium sanctuary would fit into the trunk of his sedan.

For several days, friends now say, Torre planned to quit the Yankees and return to broadcasting. His relationship with George Steinbrenner had soured to the point where Torre felt unwanted.

...

Nearly a year later, Torre's office remains cluttered but his mind is clear. Now 66, he talks about managing the team into his 70s. A new coaching staff and an infusion of young talent have energized him, and his rapport with Steinbrenner is strong.

As the Yankees again head into the postseason, Torre is at peace.

...

'My wife keeps asking me when I'm coming home for good,' Torre said. 'I tell her I will when I stop having fun at this job. I don't think that is going to happen any time soon.' "

I'm not even arguing anymore. Okay, I'm still arguing.

I don't personally believe that ARod's past ten playoff games are predictive of his next ten. I don't understand what causes slumps and streaks, but I know a slump is always followed by a streak, and it's still just ten games of failure.

But I absolutely agree with Ian O'Connor that the ARod/fan relationship will be untenable in 2007.

Luckily for you, dear reader, even when I agree with Ian O'Connor, I still disagree:

"The Yankees have to find some young power arms somewhere, the kind of playoff arms that keep beating them, the kind belonging to Jeremy Bonderman, Justin Verlander and Joel Zumaya."

It's a good plan. Just go to the Young Power Arms store on route 17. Maybe we can find Young Power Arms on sale at Walmart.

You know what is amusing? The Yankees are constantly accused of ignoring pitching.

Mussina, Weaver, Vazquez, Johnson, Brown, Pavano, Lieber, Contreras, etc.

It's not as if they didn't try to get pitching. It's not as if Cashman drastically changed his philosophy. It's not as if Wang didn't win 19 freakin' games this season.

It's just really difficult to find effective pitchers, young or old. The minor leagues are not chock full of pitchers like Chien-Ming Wang.


"Hired mercenaries have sucked the soul out of the Yankee dynasty, leaving Torre's team vulnerable to the underdog Angels then, and the underdog Tigers now."

Please stop insulting hired mercenaries. Torre has zero rings without them.

Boggs, Cone, Key, Wells, Clemens, Fielder, Wetteland, Tino ... well, too many to list.

I'm not sure how much soul they all had (Charlie Hayes seemingly had more soul than Wade Boggs), but they were all mercenaries.

Are the 2006 Yankees too top-heavy? Perhaps.

An argument can be made that Mussina's $15 million could be better spent on a better bullpen or a deeper bench. But even that's a crap shoot. Because middle relievers tend to be erratic and bench players tend to be starters on other teams if they're any good.


"Giambi? His absurd contract can't be moved, so he must be reduced to a DH who never again gets to make a sorry throw from first base at the worst October time."

O'Connor claimed a few years ago that Giambi's contract was the worst in the history of pro sports.

Since then, Giambi has rebounded quite nicely and pretty much earned his money, certainly when compared to about 100 other major league players. Just about led the Yankees in homeruns, rbis, slugging percentage, and on-base percentage this year.

But O'Connor still has the nerve to call it an "absurd contract" rather than admit he was wrong.


"Cashman then has to find the next Scott Brosius at third, and the next Tino Martinez at first, and make the bloated likes of Rodriguez, Sheffield and Jason Giambi go poof in the night."

Must I slay these sacred cows once again?

Scott Brosius in the playoffs: 1998 World Series MVP. Overall .245/.278/.418, 8 homeruns (not bad), 30 rbis (not bad) in 200 at-bats.

Tino Martinez in the playoffs: Benched in 1996. Overall .233/.321/.351, 9 homeruns, 38 rbis in 350 at-bats.

I think a lesson can be learned for sure. After Tino tanked in the '96 playoffs, Torre stuck with him rather than throw him under the bus and Ian O'Connor probably didn't insist that the overrated mercenary get traded.


Oh, and exactly who are the "next Scott Brosius" and the "next Tino Martinez"?

You just put a .230 hitter at third base and hope he hits a couple of big homeruns in the World Series? Good plan.

How can anybody possibly know when a mediocre player is going to have a defining moment in the World Series?


For the most part, I think O'Connor's plan will be implemented.

ARod will be traded. I'm guessing the Cubs may be a likely fit. Maybe the Yankees get Aramis Ramirez straight up. Or maybe the Yankees will have to throw in Proctor. After all, the Yankees are only going to get fifty cents on the dollar for their number eight hitter.

Or maybe the Yankees sign Soriano to play third and trade ARod for five minor league pitchers.

Sheffield, Mussina, and Bernie are gone.

Unit is probably still on the team one last season as a #3 or a #4.

The Yankees stock up the minors with young pitchers and, just like the Tigers, they wait three or four years to see the results. Maybe push Hughes through the minor leagues and give Rasner a shot at the #5.

Other than that, it's an awesome plan.

Find the next Pettitte, Brosius, and Tino and make sure B.K. Kim is pitching against us in the playoffs.

The Yankees are going to win the 2013 World Series for sure.

Yeah. Him, too.

I went all in with ARod this postseason and that roll came up craps. I thought he was going to win the World Series MVP. I think he will be traded during the offseason and I think he needs to be traded. 2006 was bad enough and 2007 is shaping up to be downright unbearable for all parties involved.

Just make sure you trade him to the National League, please.

Hmmm ... doublemint ... I always liked doublemint even more than spearmint ... say, how many outs are there?

"Joe Torre chewed his gum. It was all he could do, really, as he sat in the Yankee dugout here last night. Chew his gum while watching the season - and perhaps his tenure as Yankee manager - come crashing down around him."

That's really all he could do, huh?

How about bring in a lefty to face Granderson, game two, seventh inning?

How about showing more respect for Alex Rodriguez, reigning MVP, than Tom Verducci, lapdog reporter?

How about taking the first round of the playoffs seriously?

What was the turning point of this series? Was it ARod's first-inning, bases-loaded strikeout in game 2? Was it Mussina's inability to hold a lead? Was it Kenny Rogers taking the hill?

The turning point of this series was the bad umpire call at third base. The Yankees fell behind early in game 3 and Joe Torre had a golden opportunity to fire up his team, or at least try to.

Joe Torre sat in the dugout chewing gum.


Torre's stoic, businesslike approach has now completely backfired.

It's a thin line between stoicism and disinterest, between enthusiastic professionalism and drudgery, between steadiness and stubbornness.

Yes, the players always shoulder most of the blame. But Torre sets the tone and Torre's approach has failed for several years now.

Baseball is a tough game and luck is a big part of it. I never expected the Yankees to win every year and I don't even necessarily believe losing in the playoffs requires a leadership chance.

But anybody who still defends Torre is not paying attention.

This team did not even go down swinging.

They were as meek as their manager.

Where were you when you heard the news?

2:40 pm, Saturday, October 7th, 2006.

Alex Rodriguez is batting eighth.

If you asked me at 2:39 pm, I'd have told you that Alex Rodriguez was never going to get traded in the offseason. Now it seems inevitable.

When ARod's Yankee tenure is reviewed, you will see some great regular season stats (though still somewhat underappreciated), an MVP, a great start to the postseason, and an obviously disappointing finish to the postseason.

ARod deserves the criticism he has received for his postseason failures, though it's still a team game and he's obviously not the only Yankee player who deserves to be criticized for the team's postseason failures.

Having said that, I never thought Torre would throw a player under a bus quite like this. The SI article, batting sixth suddenly in the first game of the playoffs, batting eighth in the fourth game of the playoffs. Torre will probably put in Nick Green to pinch hit for ARod if men are on base.

It's stunning and shocking and disheartening.

It's hard to imagine this makes sense anymore strategy-wise or as a motivational ploy. I mean, gee, just take a look at the batting averages of all the guys who Joe stuck with and moved ahead of ARod in the lineup. Sheffield and Cano aren't exactly inspiring confidence, either.

Torre's treatment of ARod now seems like nothing more than a mean-spiritied way to embarrass a player and divert blame.

Can you seriously imagine the reaction if any other manager pulled a stunt like this? Reyes is 1-for-7 (.143) in the ALDS, so Randolph benches him?

The past 26 playoff at-bats are a damn shame and ARod deserves his share of ridicule for the Yankee postseason failures. But he is still a .300/.400/.550/40/120 third baseman, mark it down every year.

Don't you know the inevitable result of the impending trade?

(1) A Yankee third baseman who drives in 65 runs.

(2) A third-place finish.

(3) ARod comes back to punish them in a future playoff series.

I thought last night's Yankee loss was one of the worst since I've been alive. This morning, it got worse. This is a sad episode in Yankee history, made worse by a petty, mean-spirited manager.

Not anxious enough.

"We got a little overanxious at times," Torre said. "We're a better ballclub than that. But we couldn't do anything."

Joe Torre respects the Tigers so much, that he pulled his lineup out of a hat for games one and two of the playoffs.

Joe Torre takes the Tigers so seriously, that he puts Sheffield at first base instead of Giambi, Phillips, Cairo, Wilson, Guiel, Fasano, Mussina, or my butt. Not that Sheffield's play at first base hurt the Yankees, it's just that Torre treats the first round of the playoffs like nothing more than a tryout for the second round of the playoffs.

Joe Torre lets everybody know before the series even starts that the Yankees have so much firepower that he won't need Mariano more than one inning per game.

The Yankees did not appear overanxious against Kenny Bleepin' Rogers last night. They looked like they were playing a mid-April Sunday afternoon getaway day in Tampa.

The Yankees do not look uncomfortable vs. Detroit in the ALDS. They look very comfortable. They just ate a big plate of spaghetti in meatballs, they're lying back in the recliner, their shoes are kicked off, and they're settling down for a good round of Sunday afternoon golf on CBS. They're getting sleepy... very sleepy...


What is Joe Torre's response to the sleepwalking team? Have a meeting that is described as "somewhere between a tongue lashing and a pat on the back."

Who got the pat on the back? Bernie Williams for providing the Yankees' offensive highlight, a foul ball down the left field line?

It is the only response Torre knows. When the team is playing uninspired and listless, Torre tells them to relax more.

This is a guy who shut it down after the Yankees swept the Red Sox in mid-August. This is a guy who's bored with making the playoffs. This is a guy who says he respects the little team that "Jimmy" has over there, but he doesn't mean it. This is a guy who finally decides winning a ballgame is important when the Yankees are down 2-1 in a five-game playoff series.


Hey, Joe, next time there's a close play at third base, maybe you should check out the baseball rulebook. When your third baseman catches a ball and tags the runner before the runner reaches the base, the runner is out.

Go ahead, Joe. Put down the cup of green tea and argue with the umpire.

Tough Crowd.

While contemplating how easily Alex Rodriguez could be hitting .500 in the playoffs if a little luck were on his side, I realized that his batting average yet another example of the distorting effect of a small sample size.

With this in mind, Anthony McCarron apparently expects Derek Jeter to go 5-for-5 in every game. Either that, or McCarron just felt like writing an anti-Jeter article in a New York newspaper, for no other reason than to see what it feels like.

I haven't brushed up on my baseball record books lately, but a 1.000 playoff batting average would be, like, a record, or something.

Five million dollars per year, folks.

I really don't know anymore. I don't know if Joe Torre speaks the same language that I speak. Maybe there's an inherent understanding that, when he speaks in absolutes, he doesn't really mean what he says.

It's not English, it's Englishish.

Example 1: Game three, Yankees down 2 games to 0, bottom of the eighth inning, score tied, Bruney or Farnsworth walk three in a row and load the bases with two outs.

Joe Torre claims he will not bring in Mariano Rivera.

Why say something like that at all when you know it's not the truth?


Example 2: "Yankees manager Joe Torre said he can pull his lineup out of a hat. He can read it frontwards, backwards or sideways. He has 'six or seven' hitters who could bat cleanup. 'But you have to put them in order,' he said."

Do you remember when Billy Martin pulled the lineup out of a hat one time? Chambliss ended up batted eighth. Hilarious.

Billy Martin was also a crazed alcoholic.

That also wasn't a playoff game.


You know what? I'm actually convinced.

Joe Torre's team is so good that he can pull the lineup out of a hat. A monkey can make the linep by throwing darts at a board. Then, the monkey can hold up the lineup card and move it around. Frontwards, backwards, and sideways. Here's a banana, you funny monkey!

As a bonus, a banana costs a lot less than $5 mill.

Cashman can use the savings to shore up the middle relief.

I give it four stars.

On second thought, maybe just three and a half stars.