Let's talk about Tiger Woods.

Mike Lupica on golf:

"We have seen it with Alex Rodriguez and have seen it from Lance Armstrong, who now rides in charity events on the Tour de France course and probably wishes he had a team to take him back the way the Yankees took Rodriguez back, even before they — or he — knew he could still hit the way he has this season, all the way through that go-ahead home run he hit the other way against the Mariners on Friday night at the Stadium."


Did ARod reject your facebook friend request, or something?

Do you realize you're the only person on Earth who devoted an entire column to ARod's ESPY sketch? What do you think that says about you?


Mike Lupica on sports journalism:

"Everybody knows how much I like David Wright, and how hard I am rooting for him to come back and be the old David Wright for the Mets, instead of just an old David Wright."

Everybody knows how much Mike Lupica likes David Wright.

But does everybody know you can save fifteen percent on your car insurance in fifteen minutes?

  
"He is as nice as anyone, and that includes Yogi, I have ever covered in a New York baseball clubhouse."

When is the last time Mike Lupica actually stepped in a baseball clubhouse? Or covered baseball? Or watched a baseball game on TV?

And when did you cover Yogi Berra? You were a beat writer when you were a tween? Or you think shmoozing with coaches qualifies?


"But there can be no Franchise Four list of New York Mets that doesn’t have Doc Gooden on it."

There can be, and there is.


"I’m not sure, when you add everything up, that Mike Piazza deserves to be on that list more than Darryl Strawberry, or even Gary Carter."

Or Keith Hernandez, who is on the list. Unless you're counting broadcasting, at which Keith Hernandez is pretty darn awful.


"And when you look at the whole grand scheme of things, I happen to think you can make a case that William Hayward (Mookie) Wilson could have made the cut, too."

Oh, that's the problem.

You are just dumb.

When you say the "whole grand scheme of things," you are seeing it from the point of view of a stupid person.

I thought you might have been messing with us when you talked about visiting baseball clubhouses and stuff ... ha ha ha ... you had me going for a minute. That was a pretty good one, though: "Mookie Wilson."

I mean, Mookie did have that one season when he came in 25th in MVP voting ... and he topped out at 55 RBIs one year, which is like a good weekend for Mike Piazza.

Mookie was probably a nice guy in the clubhouse ... and he may not have been using steroids or cocaine, like 4 out of the 6 Mets Franchise Four candidates ... so he's got that going for him

Which reminds me ... come to think of it ... with all your constant high horse moralizing about ARod ... why are you insistent that a multiple DWI girlfriend-beating junkie deserves the Franchise Four honor for the Mets?

Is it because Gooden gave you good interviews and ARod gave you the ol' brushoff?

It's sports writing! Go to clubhouses! Talk to people! Decide which ones you like, then use your column to constantly slag on those you don't like!

It's such a diabolical strategy, it just might work ... if I can control the popularity of others, I will be popular myself!

This could all end tomorrow if only ARod would return my texts ... not that I even care. I don't even like him. He's so arrogant. You talked to him? Did he mention me?  What did he say, not that I even care? Really? Does he just like me, or does he like like me?