"So, last week, I'm driving my son to a Little Leaguegame in "College Point on the Whitestone Expressway, listening to WFAN, and some caller is marveling that Albert Pujols already has 12 homers in 2009."
Twelve homers is a lot, but it's not that many. Some caller is too easily impressed. He sounds like one of those people who say KFC's grilled chicken is "awesome."
"My kid, who plays on two Little League teams, and is a HUGE Pujols fan, pounds his first baseman's mitt and says, 'Do you think they'll give Pujols a urine test just like Manny and A-Rod, Dad? "
HUGE Pujols fan. HUGE.
So, let me ask you something: Who's raising your kid, anyway? You? Or Albert Pujols?
"Bang. Bang. Bang.
Three silver bullets straight into the already hemorrhaging heart of baseball."
I don't know if baseball's heart is hemorrhaging as much as you think.
In any case, your article is probably about fifteen years late. While you were driving on the Whitestone Expressway, were you listening to Terrence Trent D'Arby?
"Sure, people resented that Maris might break the great Babe Ruth's record, needing 162 games instead of Ruth's 154, to reach 61. Cynical old timers told us that neither Maris nor Mantle could hold Ruth's or DiMaggio's or Ted Williams' sweat socks. Others, diehard Giants fans, insisted that Willie Mays was better than either of them. All of that was probably true. But no kid asked his old man if Mickey or Roger could pass a urine test. No one suspected Maris had topped Ruth with the help of Dr. Frankenstein."
You could take Mantle's urine, put an olive in it, and you'd have a martini.
"This is what the steroidians have done: They have turned baseball from a magnificent sport played by great athletes into a seedy business played by cheating monsters who have been chemically augmented by mad science."
Okay, you win.
Maybe your kid can turn to the NFL ... or the NBA ... or the Olympics ... or NASCAR ... or wrestling.
Well, no.
Maybe your kid can read a book.
"I can understand second chances for players caught using recreational party drugs like cocaine, which could be attributed to too much money too young, or the insidious disease of addiction."
Mister God has decreed that crackheads deserve second chances, but steroids users do not deserve second chances.
Good lesson for the kids.
"Which baseball superstars are kids today supposed to admire? Bonds? Clemens? A-Rod? Ramirez?"
The kids of today should admire none of them. Baseball players are not admirable people.
Kids of today should admire everyone except pro athletes. Kids of today should admire librarians and scientists and bus drivers and first-level help desk personnel.
As for baseball, just root for your team and hope your team scores more runs than the opposing team. When the game is over , turn off the TV and read a book about Isaac Newton. Or, if you want to be a real superhero, turn off the TV and start a baseball blog.
"'How could they even let him play in the majors if he got caught cheating in the minors, Dad?' my bewildered kid asked.
This is clearly a question MLB must ask itself if baseball is to survive."
Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. Baseball will survive and thrive, and you know it.
If you want to get rid of all steroids users without giving them a second chance, you'd lose a lot of talent.
If you want to get rid of all the deplorable people, you'd be left with Mark Teixeira and Derek Jeter playing catch with Koyie Hill and Nick Johnson.
That's it.
Those are the only four good role models in major league baseball.
If you want to get rid of all steroids users without giving them a second chance, you'd lose a lot of talent.
If you want to get rid of all the deplorable people, you'd be left with Mark Teixeira and Derek Jeter playing catch with Koyie Hill and Nick Johnson.
That's it.
Those are the only four good role models in major league baseball.
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