Grow up.

"BRONX BOMBSHELL: DEREK JETER SAYS HE USED STEROIDS"

I seriously doubt Jeter took steroids, but he certainly knew his teammates were taking steroids and he kept his precious mouth shut. He also scored 130 runs and cashed in largely because his cheater teammates were helping inflate his stats. So I fail to see how anybody come out of this completely clean.


"Bronx Bombshell" is very clever, though. It's sort of like a play on the phrase "Bronx Bombers." That's why it's funny!


"Well, what would you do if ESPN interrupted your regularly scheduled programming for that one?"

What would I do? I'd probably say, "Please get back to my regularly scheduled programming, damn it. This is the one where Cartman travels into the future. I love this episode.


"Would it be enough to make you shred your season tickets, douse your baseball cards with charcoal fluid and delete America's pastime from your Facebook friends list?"

Well, no.

I don't have season tickets; I don't have a collection of baseball cards since I'm a grown-up adult; and I don't have MLB on my Facebook friends list.

Funny stuff, though, and an excellent use of the Rule of Three.


"If I ever see Jeter's name attached to the hip of performance enhancers, I'm done. I mean it -- I'll never watch another big league game again. Because if Captain Pinstripes could do the Vitamin S deed, then anybody can."

Oh no! You guys!

If Jeter's name appears on the PED list, then Gene Wojo ... Gene Woja ... Gene WojSomething won't be a fan anymore!

MLB attendance would fall from 80 million to 79,999,999.


Worse, Gene WojSomething would have to find a new job. The world would suffer because we'd miss clever wordplays such as referring to steroids as "vitamin S."


"To me, Jeter is the anti-Barry Bonds, the anti-Roger Clemens and the anti-Alex Rodriguez. He understands that if you compromise the game, you compromise yourself."

To me, Jeter is a shortstop for the Yankees and the Yankees are my favorite team.

Despite what you've heard recently, he's still a pretty bad fielder. Excellent in all other aspects of the game and a future HOFer.

That's about it.

I suppose I'd be disappointed if he cheated. But I'd be even more disappointed if he hit .240.


"A Jeter steroids admission would be the deal-breaker for me. Pujols, too. If those guys went pharmaceutical, I couldn't go to a big league game if Bud Selig paid me. Who would it be for you?"

Alex Rodriguez.

If they ever find out that Alex Rodriguez took steroids, I'll quit watching baseball forever.

Because ARod is not just a baseball player to me. He's a God walking the Earth. He is my idol. I worship him, and I love him.


Either ARod of Andrew Eugene Pettitte. If either of those guys get caught, I will shut down my blog and find another recreational activity that is untarnished by drug use. Maybe professional knitting.