Sunday, June 24, 2012

R.A. Dickey is the most exciting Met since Mike Baxter, Johan Santana, Daniel Murphy, Terry Collins, and Willie Randolph.

Two weeks ago, the Yankees swept the Mets and started a ten-game winning streak which moved them to the top of the entire American League.

A quick perusal of Mike Lupica's columns during this approximate time period shows the following headlines: Mets, Sandusky, basketball, Clemens trial, Romney, bicycle racing, Obama, NFL, NFL, horse racing, Clemens trial, horse racing, Obama, Mets, Mets, Mets, soda pop, Mets.

Clemens hasn't ignored the Yankees entirely during this time period. I recall the following:

1) A criticism of Nick Swisher's dugout celebration while Johan Santana was pitching.

2) An observation that the Yankees play the Mets too often during the regular season.

3) In today's column, a criticism of Alex Rodriguez's 2012 slugging percentage. Or perhaps, instead, a sly praising of Jeter's 2012 slugging percentage? Namely, an observation that Jeter has had a higher slugging percentage most of the year.


While oddly chastising a NY Metro fan base and media for ignoring the Mets -- "oddly" because the entire NY media seems totally obsessed with the Mets -- I wonder what Lupica has been doing while the Yankees have cruised through the NL East and to the top of the AL?

Well, I think I may have my answer.


This endorsement -- presumably not sarcastic? -- from the country's leading media connoisseur:

"Okay, now I have to go back
and watch the whole first season of 'Franklin and Bash,' coolest show going on television this summer."

Right.

I'm sure it's a heckuva show.

I'll race to the DVR right now to erase all episodes which were accidentally recorded.


Assuming, once again, he is not being sarcastic. It's hard to imagine a person sincerely choosing "Franklin & Bash" above all other cultural touchstones, but I am proceeding under the assumption that Lupica is being sincere.


Do you think Mike Lupica is a real person? Or do you think he's just a long-running art school creation?

Just consider this for a moment and tell me if I'm crazy:

Step 1: Create a character and call him Mike Lupica. All we really need is a head shot and an actor to portray him on ESPN radio for an hour per day.

Step 2: List all areas of expertise you can imagine. Sports, politics, legal system, grammar, music, movies, television, etc.

Step 3: Relentlessly demonstrate ignorance and stupidity in all of these areas.

Step 4: This is the key: Act like you know what you're talking about. Similar to those bogus can't-miss gambling websites. You're wrong most of the time, but you just don't acknowledge it.


Do you think this can possibly work?

Do you think America will buy legal prognostication from a character who admits to watching "Dancing with the Stars" and actually claims that "Franklin & Bash" is "cool"? In the year 2012, we're going to use the word "cool" to describe a TV show, just to see how far we can take this experiment? Will the American public buy any con game once the foundational facts are established?

Do you think we can create this entity and somehow leverage this notoriety into a successful career as ... I dunno ... ghost-writing children's books?

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