Mike Lupica harbors a mystical love for David Ortiz. It's the only explanation.

I am pro-DH, probably largely because I'm a fan of an AL team. I can make a strong case that the NL should adopt the DH. Lupica simply seems angry that the Sox lost two out of three to Philly:

"This has to be the last season in which this system is allowed to exist in baseball, because the out-of-date rules about the DH now affect the integrity of the season and the schedule more than all the interleague baseball does. Your team is supposed to be your team."

Has to be?

Or what?

California will slide into the ocean?


"Before interleague play, the use, or non-use, of the DH only came into play in the World Series."

Regular season interleague play started in 1997. Fifteen years ago.


"For a long time, that seemed to be a bit of a novelty, teams only employing the DH in the American League park for two or three or four games in October. Only now there are all these interleague games every season. Why? Because baseball gets a spike in attendance out of them, that's why. I get it. This is about business."

Ummm ... why should the NL adopt the DH?


"And if there are two teams added to the playoffs, that will be about business, too."

Well, since you're the decider, why don't you tell us if two teams will be added to the playoffs?


"But this is about the business of baseball today, and I don't care what the records say about how the American League usually does against the National League in interleague baseball."

AL teams typically pound NL teams.

Still not sure what that has to do with anything.

Still not sure why you think the NL should adopt the DH.


"The simpler solution is to give everybody the DH, have everybody play the same rules the American League has been playing for years, no harm, no foul, we move on."

You, sir, are a dope.


"This has to be the last year where someone like Vlad Guerrero of the Orioles has to basically take a furlough from being a regular player when the Orioles play interleague ball in a National League park. Or David Ortiz of the Red Sox, the second-most important hitter on a team that thinks it has a chance to win the AL East and maybe the World Series this year, has a great season disrupted and not because of injury or a slump, because of the rules."

Again with the "has to be."


But this is really about David Ortiz, isn't it?

Lupica has a diary on his bedside table and he logs the at-bats of David Ortiz every day. When David Ortiz has zero hits, Lupica can't maintain an erection and the tension builds in the Lupica household. For this reason, Lupica has a sudden personal interest in the consequences of interleague play.

I apologize for being so vulgar, but it's the only plausible explanation.

It also partially explains why Lupica loves to refer to David Ortiz as "Big Papi."


"To get Ortiz back in the batting order the other night against the Phillies, Adrian Gonzalez - who IS the Red Sox's best hitter - had to go play rightfield for the second time in his career."

Lupica is completely nuts.


Adrian Gonzalez didn't have to play rightfield. They didn't have to get Ortiz back in the lineup.

It's maybe ironic that John Lackey had the only RBI for the Red Sox in that particular game?

I'm not really understanding what Lupica is getting at.


After 17 years of regular season interleague play ... after 40 years of the DH ... did Lupica just figure out that the AL teams often have to bench one of their big bats when they plan in NL parks?

More to the point, it's unclear to me why this particular incident stands out as the straw that broke the camel's back.

I mean, the Yankees benched the MVP in the 2009 World Series.


"Did the Red Sox lose two of three to the lowly San Diego Padres at home using the DH last week? You bet they did. Then they lost two of three to the Pirates in Pittsburgh and used Ortiz solely as a pinch-hitter. So maybe they would have lost those two of three anyway. But they should not have had to try. This is a system that has gone on for far too long and needs to be changed now, and the only way it gets changed is if everybody who loves baseball starts to make some noise about it."

Wow.

The beloved Red Sox had a bad week and Lupica wants to change the rules of baseball.

I mean, that's exactly what's happening in this man's mind.


"By the way? The Yankees would feel the same way about this if Alex Rodriguez were their full-time DH. But A-Rod is still a full-time position player at third base, at least for now, and this has been a season when a lot of guys have DH-ed for the Yankees. That isn't a team constructed around interleague play, that is just the way the Yankees have been constructed, period."

Remember when Lupica said ARod was going to move to CF or 1B? Still hasn't happened. Yeah, Lupica is really a dope.


By the way? [sic] Just exactly how do "the Yankees" feel about this? I haven't heard anyone from "the Yankees" give an opinion. But I'm sure "the Yankees" want to play their DH in NL parks. So Lupica's assertion is downright bizarre.

Jorge Posada is the Yankees' DH.

Jorge Posada hit .391 in June.

Why would the Yankees prefer to send Freddy Garcia to the plate instead of Jorge Posada?


"They are surely going to add a couple of teams to the playoffs and they might cut the schedule down from 162 games, and might move a team to the American League so we have leagues of 15 and 15, and go ahead and try to figure how interleague baseball is going to work with THAT."

It's a bad idea, but you still haven't explained why the NL should adopt the DH.


"I will give them all of that. But they have to give me something back. They've got to give me one set of rules for all of baseball, once and for all."

I know the "have tos" and the "give mes" sound like literary license.

But Lupica might be truly delusional. A Yankee-hating, Mets-and-Red-Sox-loving psychopath who thinks he's important because he once talked to Joe Torre.

After reading this self-absorbed nonsense, I really think Lupica may have lost his mind.

Lupica thinks the commissioner of baseball is asking him for his opinion.

Lupica thinks he's the commissioner of baseball.

Lupica thinks "the Yankees" are anti-DH because "the Yankees" were monitoring the Boston/Philly series and diabolically grinning when Adrian Gonzalez had to play one whole game in right field.

Lupica thinks the last 100 years of NL rules were a conspiracy to force Adrian Gonzalez to play one whole game in right field. A Yankee/NL/Bud Selig conspiracy which hands the AL East to the Evil Yankees.

The anti-Mondesi.

For his career, Francisco Cervelli has batted .236 with the bases empty.

For his career, Francisco Cervellia has batted .383 with two outs and runners in scoring position.

My bad.

For the first time in my life, I briefly listened to Mike Lupica's radio show.


The initial attempt at humor was, "When I heard Jack McKeon was hired by the Marlins, my first thought was whether he got treatments at Bartolo Colon's Dominican doctor."

Implying with humorless humor that Colon's comeback is suspect and due to a treatment outside the purview of American laws.


Within five minutes, Lupica was claiming the Red Sox would beat the Yankees in the ALCS because the Yankees don't have Andy Pettitte anymore.

Mind you, this is June 21, 2011 and we're talking about Andy Pettitte and a fictional 2011 ALCS.


But, you know ... while Lupica is continually mocking the age of the Yankee players (such as Colon), he also criticizes the Yankees losing Pettitte, Matsui, and especially Damon ... though that criticism has died down as Granderson and Gardner have excelled in the plate, on the basepaths, and particularly in the field.

On the other hand, Lupica mocks the play of the youngsters on the Yankees, such as Nunez.

The narrative is that the Yankees have a deficient farm system.

So this narrative necessitates the dismissal of the contributions from Joba, Hughes, Robertson, Nova, Gardner, Cervelli, and even Cano.

The Yankees have nine guys in their bullpen with ERAs under 3.00. This is based on limited innings, of course, and ERA is not the be-all and end-all of pitching stats in general and reliever stats in particular.

But if Lupica is willing to pronounce Chris Young as the Mets' best pitcher after 20 innings, you'd think he'd notice the stellar performances across the board of the AAA Yankees.


Which is just a longwinded way of saying that Lupica is a hypocrite in various mediums.

That didn't last long.

Mets are stale:

"This day curdled early for the Mets - in the second inning, to be precise. That was when Jon Niese's recent stretch of dominance ended, and the Mets effectively fell to two games below .500. Now we ask: When does this dance with respectability cease to be interesting?

...

But their dead-energy 7-3 loss to the Los Angeles Angels Sunday, which clinched a series defeat against a team stuffed with overpriced veterans and who-is-that-guy youngsters, offered a peek at the darker underbelly of where this could go.

Despite playing sharp baseball of late, the Mets are 10-7 in their last 17 games: Good, but not enough to muscle out of a losing record. The pattern has been, lose one, win three. Lose one, win two, lose one. Not sunk, but hardly soaring. And beginning to grow a tad stale."

They're the Rebecca Black of MLB.


Which actually got me thinking: Are the writers who cover MLB out of tune with the pacing of the game?

In the Internet meme / twitter / facebook age, is a 162-game baseball season filled with 3-hour games simply unable to keep their attention?

Does this explain why they're picking MVPs after two weeks and making up nonsense like "Power Ratings" and praising the Mets when they have a good week just to ridicule the Mets when they have a bad weekend?


"A clear-eyed look at Sunday's product could produce no other analysis: This team needs to be a bit better, if it wants to hold our attention."

Okay.

You're the sportswriter who's writing about the Mets.

I'm kind of embarrassed that I bothered reading the article about such a lame subject matter. I'll be sure to read the funny papers next time.


I don't necessarily think it's preferable to offer the Mets false praise ... which, actually, seems to be the typical tone for a $100-million team that's playing .500 ... Collins for Manager of the Year and such ...

I just don't understand why so many baseball columnists seem to dislike baseball so much.


Also, are the Angels really just a team of overpriced veterans and who-is-that-guy youngsters? If you're a baseball writer, why don't you explain to us who-is-that-guy>

The walk-off balk was compelling.

Another writer answering the question nobody was asking. Another baseball writer who's bored by a baseball team playing baseball:

"This was the backdrop to a get-away day game that would count in the standings but hardly seemed to matter in the grand scheme. By the time Brett Gardner’s broken-bat single in the 12th inning gave the Yankees a 3-2 walk-off victory, many of the 47,487 fans had already departed, but another regular-season game was crossed off the calendar.

And, for just a second, you could not help but think about the Mets coming home to play at Citi Field tonight, and how in the last two weeks theirs has become the more dramatic of the two local baseball stories."

Yesterday's Yankee win had about a dozen compelling storylines if you care about that sort of thing.

Sweeping the reigning AL champs; the converted outfielder starting pitcher guy; the Yankee bullpen pitchers with ERAs under 2.00; ARod not playing; Teixeira/Granderson HR race; a walk-off win; etc.

"Ever since June 2, when they trailed the Pirates 7-0 before coming from behind to win, 9-8, Terry Collins’ Mets have been playing for their lives and become much more compelling to watch than the Yankees. Derek Jeter going on the disabled list Tuesday and taking his march to 3,000 hits off the schedule for a couple of weeks only served to accentuate the point. The Yankees are the Yankees for a reason. Over the course of a six-month season, everyone knows they’ll be fine.

Not even losing eight of nine to the hated Red Sox could create much of a sense of urgency at the Stadium. Boston started the season 2-10 and now have the best record in the American League. The Yankees had a six-game skid in May and are right on Boston’s heels. Who doesn’t think they’ll separate from the rest of the American League by August? Gordon getting the start was more a curiosity than a cause for concern. The Yankees didn’t need the game."

Okay, so pay attention to the Mets. I'm a Yankee fan, so I'll pay attention to the Yankees. I hope you don't run out of Mets storylines.

By the way, there's no rule that says you can't pay attention to both teams.

I guess Dancing With the Stars must be a really, really, really, really good show.

What is more predictable?

A Mike Lupica article in which he mentions Dancing With The Stars or a Mike Lupica article in which he favors the Mets over the Yankees?:

"We talk and talk about shortstops this season in New York the way they once talked about Willie and Mickey and the Duke, though the conversation about them was mostly good. You really can't say the same about Jose Reyes and Derek Jeter, even if Reyes is the best player in town."

Wrong.

Jason Bay is the best player "in town."


The rest is comparing a 28-year-old baseball player to a 37-year-old baseball player.

If that intrigues you ... (spoiler alert: Lupica concludes that Reyes is better than Jeter and Lupica also uses the adjective "fast" to describe various things and, since Reyes is "fast," this somehow ingeniously links all of these things) ... please feel free to read the rest of the article.

I think it's kind of, well, lame to compare a 28-year-old athlete to a 37-year-old athlete.

Somebody, somewhere ask why Jeter didn't try to score on a fly ball in the first inning.

Yankees end up losing 1-0, fall to 7-11 in one-run games, and fall 2.5 games behind the Red Sox. The run was there for the taking, yet Jeter seemed unwilling to take it. A mental gaffe or lack of effort typical of the 2011 Yankees:

"Oh, by the way, the Yankees were blanked, 1-0, by the Indians as Asdrubal Cabrera's fourth-inning RBI single off A.J. Burnett stood up as the game's only run.

But enough about that. After a sweep at the hands of the Red Sox and three straight wins over the Tribe, this home stand has been all about Jeter and his pursuit of No. 3,000."

By the way, a baseball game was played.

Yawn.

Baseball is boring, isn't it?

Joe Girardi gets goes toe-to-toe with Manny Acta.

The question is, did Terry Francona give Girardi permission to act this way?:

"Yankees manager Joe Girardi was red in the face with anger, nose-to-nose in a screaming match with Cleveland counterpart Manny Acta after Mark Teixeira was whacked with a fastball.

Tired of getting hit by pitches - and losing to rival Boston - the fired-up Yankees took out their frustration on the skidding Cleveland Indians .

Alex Rodriguez hit a colossal home run, Curtis Granderson also connected and New York got back on track with an 11-7 victory Friday night in a game that quickly grew testy.

'Sometimes it doesn't really matter if it's on purpose,' Rodriguez said. 'There's no question, it was very important for us to bounce back and play our type of baseball.'

Girardi and Acta got into a heated argument when both benches and bullpens emptied after Teixeira was hit behind the shoulder by a second-inning pitch from struggling Cleveland starter Fausto Carmona .

No punches were thrown and there appeared to be little pushing and shoving - if any. Plate umpire Dale Scott issued warnings to both teams, and there was no further trouble.

'I have respect for Manny. I actually had a nice exchange with Manny at 3 o'clock today. But that doesn't mean there's not some feistiness in me and when my guys are getting plunked, I'm going to protect them,' said Girardi, who gestured angrily at Carmona on the field. 'I told him I thought he did it on purpose and I didn't like it.' "

So you got beaten up by your big brother Red Sox and you took it out by kicking the dog Indians.

The Yankees need to trade for some Boston Bruins players.

"David Ortiz on Wednesday night had a message for New York Yankees manager Joe Girardi, who had said he didn't care for the way the Boston Red Sox slugger had flipped his bat after hitting a home run Tuesday: 'Take it like a man.'

...

For his part, Girardi also downplayed his comment, suggesting before Wednesday's game that the media had given it a 'Full Monty' treatment he hadn't intended. Nor did he believe Red Sox left-hander Jon Lester hitting two Yankees batters Tuesday night -- Mark Teixeira and Russell Martin -- was an invitation for the Yankees to engage in any retaliatory target practice.

'I didn't hear our guys talk about it at all,' Girardi said. 'It seems like it's been talked about more in the media than our guys. I didn't hear anything about our guys being upset.' "

I'm upset.

Hey, Yankee fans, are you upset?

Because I'm upset.

Nice to know that Girardi is not upset and none of his guys are upset.

Makes me feel like I'm more emotionally invested than the manager and the players.

Makes me feel like, if I was playing second base for the Yankees, and the catcher threw the ball poorly to second base, and I was backing up second base, that I'd stick my arm out and try to keep the ball from going into centerfield.

Make me feel like, if I was managing the Yankees and Ortiz challenged my manhood, I might instruct my pitcher to drill him.

What were you expecting?

Derek Jeter has 1 career grand slam and 241 career GIDP. I realize that not all 241 GIDP occurred with the bases loaded, but he also has more career GIDP than career homeruns.


You were expecting a Time Warp Big Hit from the Cap'n?

It's like expecting a bird to swim.

It's like expecting a fish to fly.

It's like expecting A.J. Burnett to pitch well in a big game.

Under .500 in one-run games.

I don't trust Burnett and I don't trust this team to win a so-called big game.

The only "retaliation" against Ortiz is to win, but this team and this pitcher have a tendency in 2011 to come up small.