The George Hamilton of Baseball Coaching.

"Joe Torre is the luckiest man in America."

I happen to agree. One day between the 1995 and 1996 baseball seasons, a mediocre Yankee farmhand named Mariano Rivera suddenly threw the ball 95 mph consistently. Lucky day for Joe Torre.


"Look at what he's missing:

• Mediocrity in the Bronx, where his former team has struggled ..."

Exact same record as the Dodgers.


I'll bet LA is sunny.

It offers a contrast to New York in that regard.

Go with that angle, Roy S. Hack:

"Now, look at what Torre has – a tan."

Sweet.

I dare you to ask him about the game.

"Many fans in the crowd at Shea stood and cheered when Torre made a pitching change in the seventh inning, and Torre waved and doffed his cap while walking back to the dugout.

'It was unexpected and appreciated,' said Torre, whose first managing job came with the Mets in 1977. 'That made me feel good.' "

You should feel good. Losing by four runs. One game under .500. You had a chance to visit the house in Westchester, drop your kid off at school, make some phone calls to Willie Randolph and "Joey" Girardi. I read all about it in the gossip pages. I mean, the "sports" pages.

You also have a nice tan. Probably the tannest major league manager in all the major leagues. Personally, I have not been keeping track. I'm so out of touch.

Let's review my day: I visited the house in Westchester, worked on my tan, made a Subway commercial, drank some green tea, dropped the kid off at school, met with a gaggle of reporters ... there's something else I was supposed to do today.

OK, he's out there and he really doesn't care if he wins or loses.

"About eight years ago in this town it just became more than just a game," Torre said. "And I don't know what changed it, but I had to measure more carefully everything I said."

You don't know what changed about eight years ago?

You lost in the playoffs instead of winning.

I think when your team wins, you can say "yamma yamma yamma yammma yamma" and everyone is happy. When your team loses, you have to measure your words more carefully.


"I hate to say it is more comfortable because then people will say, 'OK, he's out there and he really doesn't care if he wins or loses.' It's still important in L.A., but everything surrounding it is different in New York."

Yeah, you probably shouldn't say it's more comfortable. People may take that the wrong way.

Nice to see you made it to the ballpark for the baseball game in between all the self-congratulatory press conferences.

Say, do you know who's the Mets' starting pitcher tonight?

No, you probably don't.

You're really more of a figurehead than an actual working manager.

Impossible is nothing.

"The manager is 'more laid back' now than he was in New York, according to ex-Yankee Scott Proctor, now part of the Dodger bullpen. 'You can just see it,' Proctor said. 'Not that he smiles more, but he seems like he's enjoying coaching, enjoying being here.'

Torre's craggy face creases with a smile when told of Proctor's description.

'The stress factor,' Torre said, 'is much less out there.' "

In yesterday's game, Joe Girardi was standing.

In yesterday's game, Joe Girardi complained to the umpires because Matsui was batting during a heavy downpour.

Right or wrong, it was downright shocking to witness a manager of the New York Yankees utilize energy in support of his players.


How can Joe Torre be "more laid back" than he was in New York? It's like finding a theoretical particle that moves faster than light.

In a way, it's inspiring. It truly pushes the limits of human behavior.


Few more questions:

1) Aren't Yankee fans, players, management upset to learn that Torre hated his last few years in New York?

2) Aren't Dodger fans, players, management upset to learn that Torre -- the highest paid manager in MLB -- basically views their team as a laid-back, stress-free, part-time gig on his road to retirement?

3) Why is Joe Torre divulging Willie Randolph's answering machine message: " 'I may have a wrong number because I got one of those generic voices (on voice mail),' Torre said of his call to Randolph."

Yes, Joe. It was the wrong number for sure.

Just like Girardi hasn't returned your call yet. But he was going to. He was thinking about it right when you called.

What ever happened to Lenn Sakata?

Why doesn't Sakata's name ever come up as a candidate for Randolph's job?

Winningest manager in California League history.

Played for as many winning World Series teams as Willie Randolph. Went a mere 0-for-1 in the 1983 World Series, but he was undoubtedly a calming influence between Eddie Murray and Earl Weaver. I mean, between Eddie Murray and Joe Altobelli.

Say, why doesn't Joe Altobelli's name ever come up as a candidate for Randolph's job?

Nice guy, bad manager. Torre's protege, in other words.

"As the de facto offensive coordinator of Joe Torre's dynastic Yanks, Randolph was rejected as a candidate for one managerial job after another, this while every white bullpen catcher and his brother got a gig."

First of all, I had no idea that Randolph was the "de facto offensive coordinator" for the Yankees. In fact, I've never heard the term "offensive coordinator" used in regards to a baseball team.

I think he was the first-base coach for a while, then the third-base coach, and then the bench coach. I could be wrong. I don't really pay too much attention except when Bobby Meacham gets a guy thrown out at home with no outs.


Secondly, who else from Joe Torre's dynastic Yankees got a gig? Lee Mazzilli had a blah year-and-a-half in Baltimore. Now he's unemployed, I suppose, after some time on Sportsnet New York.

Did anybody else branch out from Torre's managerial tree?

All of Torre's white coaches and bullpen catchers have been getting gigs all over the place, but I can't think of any.

Does Girardi count? Girardi got a managerial gig really quickly. Girardi passed a lot of black candidates and white candidates, too. Hispanic candidates, too, and, if Lenn Sakata was looking for a job, then Asian candidates, too.


"Does anyone really believe that a white man who was a two-time champion Yankee as a player and a four-time champion Yankee as a coach would've waited as long as Randolph did before a franchise finally called his number? Especially when that man was considered a stabilizing force in those crazy George-Billy-Reggie, Bronx-is-burning days?"

Maybe he was a stabilizing force in the Bronx-is-burning days. I'm not sure. According to the TV show, Fran Healy was stabilizinger.

In the 1977 World Series, Randolph hit .160 while Reggie hit five homeruns.

In the 1978 World Series, Randolph did not play due to injury while his replacement, Brian Doyle, hit .438.

Perhaps Randolph really was the "offensive coordinator" for the dynastic Joe Torre Yankees. After all, Randolph has a history of sitting on the bench while other people win rings for him.


"Reg-gie! Reg-gie! Reg-gie! Reggie, hit the next one into the black seats. Way to go, Reggie!

I totally told Aaron Boone he was going to hit a homerun. I told him he was gonna! It's almost like I hit the homerun myself."


One more point:

I dug up this gem from my blog, from September 4, 2005. (I searched for the term "hippity hop"):

" 'We live in this hip-hop culture now, where players -- even white players -- are caught up in the whole 'respect' and 'dissing' and stuff like that,' " Randolph said last week. "To be able to speak that language is important. I'm not saying Grady Little or Jimy Williams can't do it, but I think it helps if you understand the culture."
...

"I've worked with the (Derek) Jeters and the Bernie Williamses and the (Gary) Sheffields, and I understand what makes them tick," Randolph said. 'And I think that's helped me to make this transition.' "

Essentially, Randolph is saying he was hired because he is black. Because a black manager can relate to black players better than a white manager can. No other way to interpret this quote.

Randolph's performance proves he was completely wrong and it's very obvious that a lot of his players -- "even white players" --have tuned him out.

I wouldn't go as far to say it's racist to call out Grady Little and Jimy Williams like that. I'd just say it's ignorant and misguided.

I suppose it's fair to some degree to use Willie Randolph, Mets Manager, as a prism through which to view this country's race issues. O'Connor is certainly correct when he says that race affects everything and, if it affects everything, then it must affect how Randolph is perceived.

But, in total, I'd say Randolph is using his chains as a whip. Art Howe would have definitely been fired by now.

You wanted headlines, you got 'em.

"On a day at Shea that was like some sideshow Yankee day, with a media crowd big enough to fill a couple of sections behind home plate, the owners of the Mets did not fire Randolph."

Yeah, that hack media crowd coming out of the woodwork to finally cover the Mets.

When is the last time you think any of these clowns took the 7 train? What a bunch of gossipy vultures.

Am I right?

Say, Lupica, when is the last time you made it out to Flushing to watch an actual baseball game?

I mean, before today's, you know, "sideshow"?


"Randolph does have that support. For now. Just not forever."

Thanks for the insight.

That was almost as good as the advice where you said the manager should win more games.

That was the actual headline: "Win some games, Willie Randolph."

I have to say that I think the grizzled New York sportswriter just might be onto something there.

Maybe you should mention that to Willie and Omar at the press conference. You know, since you lugged all the way to Shea, and you might as well say something.

Phrase it like a question, though. Something like, "Do you think that the questions about your job security and overall performance as manager will change if your team starts winning a lot of games?"

Then, Randolph can answer, "Yes. Winning games is the key."


"The Mets have had a tremendous opportunity over the past year-and-a-half to be the best and most glamorous team in New York again, the way they were 20 years ago when they weren't just the best team in town but made the most headlines, too."

"Look at me! I'm Brian Schneider, baby, and I'm glamorous! My cleats were designed by Vera Wang."

This would have been an imaginary victory in an imaginary battle in an imaginary place called Lupica Land.

It's Strat-O-Matic.

"As a lifelong Mets fan I'm finding myself more irritated this year. This offense should not be shut out by a Minor League pitcher and a last-place Nationals team at home. Why is there no "fire" on this team? From the managers to the players, they all seem complacent. I've always given Willie Randolph the benefit of the doubt, but if he's not going to try to fire up the players and drill in the need for fundamentals, then he needs to be replaced. Thoughts?
-- Dave V., Queensbury, N.Y.

Managers are in place to manage, not motivate."

Every Yankee fan disagrees with you.

I'm not into the All Star Game or even the hype surrounding the closing of Yankee Stadium. Heck, I'm not even into the constant reminders of Babe, Gehrig, Mickey, and Joe D. Babe Ruth will be invoked 1 million times during the All Star Game. In case you didn't know, Yankee Stadium is also referred to as the "House That Ruth Built." Oh, and if you didn't know that, I should also remind you that if you walk outside when it's raining, you might get wet:

"But now [the Yankees] act as if David Ortiz making some promotional swing at the All-Star Game - where four tickets can cost you more than a new car - will somehow be like spray-painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel with graffiti.

This isn't as silly as putting construction workers on overtime to dig up an Ortiz jersey.

Close enough.

It is amazing how often the Yankees who spend big, and will soon charge the biggest ticket prices in the world on the other side of 161st St., think as small as they do.

Isn't it?"

No, Mike Lupica, it isn't.

Even though I am personally disinterested, I understand that the entire All Star Game will be symbolic pomp. Some fans enjoy that type of thing. Drag Ted Williams out to the pitcher's mound and have a good cry.

When Babe Ruth's called shot is emulated -- paying tribute to Yankee Stadium's 85 years and the man most responsible for it -- David Ortiz should be in the dugout.

Wait until you hear how loudly Ortiz is booed by Yankee fans, and deservedly so. I'd rather have Andy Cannizaro representing Yankees history.

I can only hope Goose Gossage is on the mound and Gossage shows Ortiz some chin music. "I'll add another gap to your smile, you fat piece of garbage."


"Seriously: When did somebody like Randy Levine become the keeper of the flame for the Yankees?"

When did somebody like Mike Lupica become the keeper of the flame for the Yankees?

Mid-May Week in Review in the sports section for a New York newspaper and Lupica doesn't even mention the return of Alex Rodriguez (three balls hit over the wall in the first two games) which sparked a four-game winning streak.

Instead, Lupica mentions his man-crushes, "Big Papi" and even Billy Wagner.

I'm just surprised Lupica went a whole week without mentioning Gorgeous Jonathan Papelbon and Dreamy Theo Epstein.


"And, oh by the way, who's going to be the Bridge to Mariano - I love it when the announcers say that, as if it's the greatest lyrics about a bridge since Simon and Garfunkel - once the kid is in the rotation?"

Simon and Garfunkel?

I see your connection with the current music scene is as strong as your connection with Yankee fans.

But the answer to your question, in case you were wondering, is Kyle Farnsworth and the currently-injured Brian Bruney.

You'd probably know that if you followed the Yankees instead of the Red Sox.

PS - Edwar Ramirez has an ERA of 0.00.

Are we talking about Joba Chamberlain or Neville Chamberlain?

"Prior to World War I, the Germans invested billions in a state of the art navy to compete with Britain's magnificent fleet. In the course of the war, they took it out once, fought the inconclusive battle of Jutland, and put it back into storage — the boats were too pretty and too expensive for them to risk losing them. Assuming they won, they might need them for, um, something. And so the ships sat, and the Germans lost the war, and their navy was scuttled so as not to fall into British hands. A gun that you don't fire isn't a gun, it's a paperweight.

Chamberlain risks becoming a paperweight this season. He has the capability to start and perform at a high level, or we assume he does based on available evidence. That assumption needs to be tested, because if indeed his is capable, then having him sit around waiting for leads and pitching 70 innings this year is a tremendous misapplication of resources."

Our team, our time.

"Teixeira scored from second on Johnson's infield hit to second. Castillo threw toward the plate from his knees, but the throw to Schneider was about 10 feet up the first-base line.

Schneider, apparently unaware Teixeira kept running from third, made no attempt to rush back to the plate for a possible play."

Felz has a theory.

No, seriously, I do. I have a theory about baseball.

My theory is that the umpires have always been this bad but we just didn't know because we didn't have omnipresent replay technology.

Instant replay, I think, would be an easy partial solution. But the bigger problem, on a daily basis, is the mysterious, shifting strike zone. It's widely accepted that different umpires have different strike zones; that a borderline 3-0 pitch is a strike; that a rookie won't get the same call that a veteran will get; that the umpires widen the strike zone to manage a slow-moving game; that the strike zone shrinks if the pitcher has a bad attitude.

Why does MLB culture accept this nonsense?

She knows from being not paid attention to.

I don't even know what Hank said this time. I didn't read it carefully. I think he's unhappy with Cashman and patient with Girardi. That kind of makes sense to me.

"What about Hank Steinbrenner? Well what about him? He has a lot to say. Yet how much impact do his words have on Girardi, the players, or anyone else in the Yankee organization?

That's the question Joe Benigno and Evan Roberts asked Suzyn (Georgie Girl) Waldman on WFAN before Sunday night's Mets-Yankees game.

'No. I don't think anybody pays attention (to Hank Steinbrenner),' Waldman said. '... Every time Hank goes out and says something, 10 minutes later he's saying, "Well, that's not exactly what I meant to say." ' "

Saturday, Waldman was explaining how the Mets had made a big mistake saving Santana for the Yankees series because, due to Friday night's rainout, Santana was given two extra days' rest.

Ten minutes later, I was trying to forget what she said.


Earlier this season, Waldman spent a lot of time explaining how Jose Molina was practically the second coming of Johnny Bench.

Ten minutes later, I was trying to forget what she said.


I believe my least favorite Waldmanism is her insistence that a batter will get "one good pitch to hit" in every at-bat. She seems to believe that every batter will get one good pitch in every at-bat and, also, that every at-bat will consist of exactly one good pitch. Therefore, every time a batter fouls off a hanging curve, Waldman will claim that the batter fouled off the "one good pitch" he will see during this at-bat.

I don't believe Waldman is joking or being intentionally apocryphal.

I think she is being literal.

I think she literally believes every at-bat consists of one good pitch to hit.

Ten minutes later, I try to forget what she said.

But I can not.

These things are burned into my brain.

To get all your sports scores in-stant-ly / Dial 976-13-13

"It is no surprise when you dial 242-211-5560 it is not a working number. Those digits represent the Yankees New York Yankees' run totals in the past 10 games, starting with the deuce scored in Sunday's embarrassing 11-2 Subway Series loss to the Mets.

Unless I'm misunderstanding, you wrote down the number of runs the Yankees scored in each of their last ten games and then you dialed that number on the telephone.

Is 242 even an area code?

Maybe that's why it's not a working number.


"Please save all that manure about how they rebounded from a sluggish start in 2007 to make the playoffs.

Last year has nothing to do with this season. A little past the quarter pole the 20-24 Yankees are in trouble."

Fair enough.

You know what has even less to do with this season?

1) Drinking a case of Hamm's.
2) Writing down the number of runs the Yankees scored in each of their last ten games.
3) Dialing that phone number.
4) Publishing the results in a newspaper.

He's so fat, he went dancing and he made the band skip.

Thanks to T.J. Simers, "professional" sportswriting in L.A. devolves into Yo Momma jokes:

"If only Andruw Jones has what it takes to get to second base on this hot afternoon, then taking a lead, turning full body toward home plate and blocking out the sun.

The Tubbo is the only guy in uniform right now who could provide shade for a whole ballpark -- at least making himself useful.

...

I stopped by the Dodgers clubhouse after their win over the Angels to see if Jones cared, but he was already in the lunch room eating. No telling how long he could be in there.

...

By now, I hoped, Jones had finished eating, so I went to the Dodgers clubhouse. First thing I noticed, the Dodgers had a box of doughnuts, now half gone, just around the wall from Jones' locker."

He's so fat, he once broke his ankle and gravy came out.

He's so fat, when he sits around the house, he sits around the house.

He's so fat, his nickname is "Damn!"

He's so fat, he eats Wheat Thicks.

Secret papers show Yankees make a lot of money.

"The millions of dollars earned by the Bronx Bombers - whose estimated $1.2 billion worth makes them one of the most valuable franchises in the world - have reached record levels."

No way!

Despite my knowledge of basic economics (inflation, supply & demand) and my knowledge of Yankee attendance figures (4 million+ every year), I must admit I am shocked that the Yankees are making record levels of income.

Of course, I didn't have access to secret papers.

"Documents obtained by the Daily News under a Freedom of Information request provide a rare look at the Yankees formidable cash-generating operation.

Even die-hard fans accustomed to paying top dollar to watch the superstar team will be astounded by the numbers."

Oh, a FOIL request. That means they're not really secret.

Go ahead, "secret" papers: Astound me.


"Last year, the team - which hasn't won a World Series in eight years - grossed a record $188 million in gate receipts, a 20.5% increase over the 2006 season."

Not astounded yet.


"Factoring in other revenue streams like overpriced hot dogs, beer, pizzas and souvenirs - and income from the cable TV rights to home games - Stadium income surpassed $319 million in 2007."

$319M? I'm actually underwhelmed.


"That should come as no surprise with prices like these:

- $9.50 for Budweiser on tap.

- $10.50 for Foster's beer on tap.

- $5.75 for a box of Cracker Jacks.

- $8 for Italian sausage.

- $5 for a Nathan's hot dog."

Make up your mind, pal.

You just said these figures "should come as no surprise" right after you promised some "astounding" figures from "secret" documents.


"Since the Yanks have a player payroll of $208 million - the highest in the league - they need to be one of the top-earning teams."

Let's say the Yankees had a payroll of $108 million. Or $58 million. They'd still want to make as much revenue as possible.


"And 2008 is guaranteed to be another record no matter where the team finishes in the standings because fans are desperate to see games in the final year of the House that Ruth Built."

Exactly!

Regardless of what? The $208 million payroll. Right?

See, the Yankees have successfully marketed a product -- an event -- that keeps demand very high. This is what drives the high ticket prices. So, it's not really the team payroll or the team record.

Of course, demand will fall over time if the record slips consistently and the record is somewhat linked to payroll.

You get the idea. The correlation between payroll and ticket price is not direct by any means. If it was, then why wouldn't the Yankees just charge $10,000 per ticket and spend $900M on payroll?

"As recently as 2004, the Yankees reported total gate receipts of only $122 million - half of what they are projecting for next year.

The last time the team won the World Series, in 2000, gate income was a mere $83.7 million."

Since you're interested in comparing income to payroll, I should point out that, in 2008, $83.7M is enough to pay for a backup catcher and a #4 starter.

Loves Billy Wagner.

Loves Billy Wagner, loves Jonathan Papelbon, loved Tony Womack, loved Mike Cameron so much that he said Cameron was a better fielding CFer than Prime Griffey Jr.

ARod? Eh, probably not so much.

If this wasn't enough B-Wags praise for one day ...

"People can bounce Billy Wagner all over town for some of the things he's said in the past and some of the things he said this week.

But there is a little bit of Yogi in Wagner, in this way:

No matter how it comes out, you always know exactly what he means.

And even though he backed up on Friday for some of the things he said on Thursday after the Mets lost to the Nationals, taking one for the team in the process, we knew exactly what he meant there.

The bottom line here is that the Mets need more guys like Wagner, not fewer."

... here's an entire article praising Wagner's four outs in Saturday's game.


Also, I am forced to conclude that Lupica just doesn't like Johan Santana, for unknown and unexplained reasons, and, therefore, Santana will not received "special media treatment":

"Johan Santana may turn out to be a total pitching star for the Mets the way he was for the Twins.

May turn out to be the great difference maker here, in terms of a World Series, that the Mets want him to be.

But before he is given any special media treatment, he needs to understand something a lot of other guys have had to understand before him:

With the kind of money he is making, with this kind of stage, comes responsibilities."

Okay, when you read this, does it seem like a secret, coded message for Johan Santana?

I have zero idea what Lupica is talking about.

I guess Lupica wants Santana to be more verbose during postgame interviews. (More like Wagner?)

That's the dilly, yo. You say outrageous stuff and I will praise you in my newspaper article. if you don't say outrageous stuff, I will not praise you in my newspaper article.

Got it?

Good.

Now, does it matter what happened on the field? I don't remember anymore.

This is about the most important thing of all: The postgame interview and the articles I write about the postgame interview.

I'm Mike Lupica, damn it. I can turn this whole city against you if I want to.

So, watch yourself, Johan Santana. You don't want Shootin' From the Lip's 50-year-old sporstwriter all up in your grill. I'll get all Metaphorical on your ass with some Gangsta double entendres and whatnot.

Can't you even fathom my skills? "Shootin' From the Lip" is a pun for "Shootin' From the Hip," beeyotch.

Monument Park awaits #25.

Felz way ahead of the curve on this one.

Hey! I thought Randolph should be fired way before it became so fashionable.

This is just a sampling of Johnny Come Latelies joining the Felz chorus.

Meanwhile, Girardi is wondering what it takes to get noticed around here. "Hey, everybody! We're in last place and two games under .500. Fire me! Fire me!"

I like Bart Hubbuch.

I don't know who he is and I don't remember reading his sports commentary before this one. But I already like his style. In a world of flash and over-reaction it's nice to see someone who keeps a game in proper perspective:

"There are losses, then there are soul-crushing nightmares that send teams spiraling and get the manager fired."

Especially Willie, Mickey, and the Duke.

You think Yankee Cleanup Hitter, you think of the greatest sluggers of all time.

I think Lou Gehrig is spinning in his grave as a .194 hitter bats cleanup for the Yankees.

In fact, I think Jack Clark is spinning in his grave. Except Jack Clark is still alive.

Hooray for Joba.

The Yankees are leading Cleveland 6-3 in the 8th inning in a game in May.

"This is not an important game. This is not an important out. This is nothing to get excited about."

Every Yankee fan I know loves Joba. I find it inconceivable and disgusting that any pro athlete or commentator would act like a game in May doesn't matter. Which is, essentially, what Dellucci said:

" 'It is what it is. If he wants to yell and scream after a strikeout, I guess that's what gets him going,' Dellucci said. 'It's May baseball. The home run was in a much bigger situation. I didn't dance and scream.' "

A much bigger situation, I suppose, but still an unimportant game in May. Yawn.


You know, Chamberlain did the same thing last year, while Torre was managing the Yankees. Klapisch conveniently forgets the on-field antics of Joba Chamberlain, Alfonso Soriano, and Jeff Weaver, among others:

"Sooner or later, though, Girardi will have to leave a more forceful imprint on his clubhouse, especially if he wants to last in New York. It's one thing to make the players run sprints in spring training; a truer test of a manager's authority is how his players behave on the field.

Torre's Yankees certainly got it. Joe Cool might've appeared passive, but the Yankees knew better than to cross him. All it took was one look, and he could cut even a veteran in two."

Let me go to youtube and search for "Paul O'Neill" and "water cooler." Classy is the word that comes to mind.

Best fans in the world.

"A few things: Those people who booed the kid at the Stadium should be ashamed of themselves."

First I've heard about it. It's truly amazing how spoiled some Yankee fans are.

What a condescending prick.

It's beyond belief that the lapdog writers still think this guy is classy. Torre can barely conceal his contempt when discussing Joe Girardi:

"He’s going to get better. And when I say that, it doesn’t mean he’s not a good manager now."

Girardi has won Manager of the Year in 100% of the years he has been a manager.


"He’s very intelligent. He’s got a feel for the game."

I'll give you $20 right now if you can spell "intelligent."


"New York is unlike any other experience you’re ever going to have. There’s no question. There’s a certain adjustment to that. But as far as I’m concerned, Joe Girardi is a good choice for Brian Cashman. In saying that, Don Mattingly obviously was one of my coaches. I felt badly that he didn’t get the chance over there, but you certainly had to understand why Girardi got it."

It's obvious that you root against the Yankees every single day. Personally, I understand the sentiment. The dark shadow of schadenfreude. It's the same reason I root against the Dodgers every day.


Actually, what I'm really rooting for is a Dodgers/Yankees World Series. While Girardi is checking the lefty/righty splits, Torre is regaling the press with stories about Roy Campanella.

Torre brings in Proctor with runners at second and third, tie game, 8th inning. Torre instructs Proctor to intentionally walk Abreu to set up a double play. Proctor throws a patented belt-high 95-mph fastball to ARod.

Are you there, God? It's me, Felz. Can you make this happen if I pray and pray and pray?

Can Melky help get Cano back to his .290-hitting self? Since they're so close? OMG!

"Robinson Cano had a white-hot spring and now he's found a horrible slump. How do you think he'll get over it? Since he and Cabrera are so close, can Melky get him back to his .290-hitting self? I'm worried because I want him to make the All-Star Game this year, but right now that idea seems really far off.
-- Melissa P., Matawan, N.J."

Yes, Melissa.

The idea of a player who's hitting .150 making the All-Star game seems really far off.

That's, like, totally perceptive and stuff.

You mean like Jon Lieber.

I overheard Lupica on the TV today saying that the Yankees need Johan Santana because, naturally, the Yankees need an answer to Josh Beckett. The Yankees need a power pitcher who can blow people away in the playoffs.

1. Santana is 1-3, 3.97 in the playoffs.
   
2. Santana has zero rings.
   
3. The Twins would have demanded more from the Yankees than they demanded from the Mets. The reasons are obvious. The Yankees are in the American League and the Twins are quite likely to face the Yankees in the playoffs. If they needed to trade Santana before he became a free agent, they are much more likely to trade him to the National League. Which is what they did.

The Yankees are 2-10 in games started by Hughes and Kennedy.

The Yankees don't need a $20 million Cy Young Award winner.

They'd be in first place if Hughes and Kennedy were replaced with mediocrity.

Supply and demand.

It's difficult to muster too much sympathy for the wealthy, corporate season-ticket holders who are forced to give their seats to wealthier, corporate season-ticket holders:

"You wonder why Yankee fans don't care what Johan Santana or anybody else on the field costs?"

Is it because Johan Santana plays for the Mets?

Lots of players, lots of ribs.

Ian Kennedy's got ribs. Jason Giambi's got ribs. Heck, Robinson Cano's got more ribs than hits.

Why isn't anybody breaking their ribs, too?

Cashman, I'll do it for you. Because I like your face, I'll give you a discount rate: $500 per rib.

There's a lot of that going around.

Another pro athlete contracts ISuckItis.

Forget about Johan Santana. Why did the Yankees get rid of Randy Johnson? Esteban Loaiza? Ted Freakin' Lilly?