I hope ARod doesn't disrupt the chemistry of a team that has missed the playoffs two years in a row.

Let's say runners are in scoring position and the count is 3 balls and 2 strikes.

Don't think about ARod's press coverage. Think about getting a hit.

When the run scores, the team scores a run, and you get something called a "run batted in," commonly referred to as an "RBI" for short.

RBIs are good things.

RBIs are things that we like.

RBIs help the team and also help your personal statistics.

It's a win-win:



"When Rodriguez returns, Girardi doesn’t believe he will cause too much of a distraction, but remember Girardi’s glass is always half-full.

'I thought our guys handled it pretty well.' Girardi said of Rodriguez’s return from injury in 2013, when he continued to play while appealing his MLB suspension. 'Will there be a number of new guys in there? We will do everything we can so it’s not a distraction, but until we get into it we won’t really know. My personal opinion is that it won’t be one.'

The smart money differs."

Don't blame ARod for this mess. He wasn't even on the team.

The final ugly numbers.

Mark Teixeira's 2014: .216/.313/.398, 22 HRs, 62 RBIs, 56 runs.


It gets worse.

• Fifteen solos HRs, six 2-run HRs, one 3-run HR, zero grand slams.
• RISP: One HR in 113 at-bats.
• Two outs and RISP: 7-for-45 (.156).

In 2015, the Mets will be better than the Yankees.

After proclaiming Mets superiority for a decade or two, Lupica is finally poised to win a Pyrrhic Victory.

What did Lupica lose in the war?

All credibility:

"Which New York baseball team do you think is set up better for next season, the Mets or the Yankees?"


The Orioles were better than the Yankees this year. The Orioles finally won the AL East.

Except it felt like the Orioles won the "AL East" and finally beat the "Yankees."

When the Mets win 81 games in 2015 and the Yankees win 77, it will be a big deal to Lupica and Mets fans?

Meh.



"Now that the farewell tours have ended, which Yankee are you buying tickets to watch play next season, especially if Tanaka has to miss next season because of Tommy John surgery?"

Got it. This is undoubtedly true.

But you can't have it both ways.

If you ridiculed Jeter's $20 million annual salary... and ARod's $25 million annual salary ... then you should at least recognize what they were paid to do.

They moved the product, and you're a dumb hypocrite because you are the first person to criticize ARod's contract.


"Which contract do you think looks better now for our kids on 161st. St., incidentally, Teixeira’s or Sabathia’s?"

David Wright's.


 "Alex Rodriguez’s contract, as you know, is in a league of its own."

It's like a reflex.

He really can't see it, can he?

I think the party is over for ARod. The Yankees will get little return for the remaining $60 million, both in terms of on-field production and ticket sales.

But if you really question the return on ARod's overall contract, then count the number of times your newspaper put him on the back page over the past 10 years.

Then, look up the Yankee Stadium attendance numbers.

Yankee Stadium II: The House that ARod Built.

Bob Raissman is the downstream feed.

"In his final days as a Yankee, Derek Jeter gave the media what he had not been able to deliver during his 20 seasons in pinstripes — controversy.

The more precise way of describing Jeter’s gift is this: He provided the media with the motivation to create a controversy. Of course this enabled Valley of the Stupid Gasbags, and commentators from other media precincts, to verbally take out cans of whup-ass and spray paint the Captain.

Or passionately rally to his defense."

Valley of the Stupid Gasbags? Says the guy who regularly appears on SNY?


"It was all entertaining. It also begged the question: Was all the passion, with the extreme points of view, more about evoking the 'Wow, did you hear what that guy said about Jeter' moment than it was about the legitimacy of the critique itself?"

Oh no, they're stealing my shtick.


"Jeter’s been around for two decades, so why did Olbermann wait so long to go to the whip? If he felt Jeter’s skills were so inferior, why not put the verbal beatdown on him years ago? Gee, why wait until Jeter’s end is near? Oh shucks, this is so hard to figure out."

I don't know if this is accurate.

The anti-Jeter backlash is deserved and I wouldn't be surprised if Olbermann has rolled his eyes several times over the past 20 years. I know I have.


I don't even think it's so much tangible vs. abstract. At this point, Jeter's leadership qualities are clearly overrated to such a degree that his actual tangible baseball-playing abilities are overshadowed.
 
I heard one talk radio caller say Jeter is a bi-racial healer and our society will fall apart without him. I paraphrase in this particular case, but that was kind of the gist of many teary-eyed old men: "Jeter transcends baseball."

I heard another say that Jeter should run for mayor. No word if Ricky Ledee would be the deputy mayor.

 
"See, everybody’s a winner here.

So, thanks Derek Jeter. Thanks for leaving us all with something to peddle. Free of charge."

Unsure if that's a confession.

But if Raissman is ripping his content providers for providing controversy, then what does that say about his column?

Just say "Mark Teixeira" instead of "some players."

"According to clubhouse sources who were present for the critique, and backed up by interviews with more than a half-dozen players, most of whom spoke to ESPNNewYork.com not for attribution for fear of angering their manager, Girardi chided some players for being overweight and others for not being 'hungry' enough."

Anthony McCarron seems to have forgotten about the fan favorite playing first base and making humorous videos for YES Network.

"For the first time since maybe the early 1980s, the Yankees are icon-less, an unusual position for a franchise built on some of baseball’s biggest names, from Babe Ruth to Lou Gehrig to Joe DiMaggio to Mickey Mantle to Reggie Jackson to Don Mattingly to Jeter himself. In some ways, it’s not just their shortstop that’s leaving, it’s part of their identity."

I know the answer to their problems: Win. That's what fans like.


The Stadium was empty when Mattingly played on bad teams, and, frankly, the Stadium was dead in 2014 when Jeter played on a bad team.

Who will be the next iconic Yankee? Tanaka has a shot. But it doesn't really matter, anyway.

If Tino can get benched in the playoffs and then find himself in Monument Park 18 years later, then anything can happen.

But nothing happens unless you win.

Derek Jeter is the prism through which I view my life.

I don't know who this guy is, but he said that Jeter has played up to expectations and has the Yankees in the middle of a pennant race.

Derek Jeter has gall to make money.

Having trouble seeing what Chris Carlin is upset about here.

Derek Jeter not living up to an imaginary ideal?

A pro athlete making a commercial?


I think many observers don't get the whole farewell tour thing ... I sure don't ... especially when opposing teams go out of their way to honor the retiring player.

However, even if Jeter's not-too-inclusive leadership skills and aw-shucks humility are consistently exaggerated, I fail to see how Jeter can be a fraud, when all he really ever claimed to be is a pro baseball player. He's a great player who stayed out of trouble (check the national headlines) and ran hard to first base for twenty years.


Carlin is on the Mets station and he's ripping a Yankee player. The station that operates under the pretense of covering "all NY sports" while openly mocking the Yankees.


Carlin's commentary is brought to you by your tri-county Ford dealers (just like the 15th out of the game serves to remind us that you can save 15% on your car insurance in 15 minutes).

So what is Carlin's gripe with a Gatorade commercial?

Jeter makes some cash and further promotes the extremely valuable Brand of Jeter.

Gatorade sells more sugar water to idiots who also think that pro athletes eat anti-nutritional garbage at Subway.


I don't really have a historical scorecard of Chris Carlin's editorial comments.

I have a hunch that Carlin is the fraud here.

I have a hunch that, while Carlin is mocking NY fans and media for worshipping at the altar of Jeter, Carlin spends a lot of time masturbating to a David Wright poster while eating a couple of boxes of ring dings.

Some perspective as Tanaka starts a game for the first time since July 8th.

Tanaka leads the Yankees in wins.

In corporate speak, it's known as "optics."

Though optics has a very specific meaning -- it's the study of light -- the word is now widely used to mean, simply, how something appears.

If you fall for a PR attempt at good optics, you are an infantile fool.

Mike Lupica, unsurprisingly, in an infantile fool:

"When Major League Baseball’s Bud Selig and Rob Manfred wanted to suspend a dozen guys last year, and drop a richly deserved hammer on a drug cheat like Alex Rodriguez, they didn’t talk about a conduct committee or wait around for law enforcement to throw the first punch against Anthony Bosch, drug pusher to the stars. They went right after Bosch with a lawsuit for interference and you know what happened in that moment? They became real enforcers, not people simply posing that way."

Wow. "Real enforcers."

 It's incomprehensible to me that Selig's PR play worked so well.

We got ARod. Steroid era over.

 
By the way, here's a short list, Mr. Enforcer ... and this does not go back to the good ol' days.

The current AL MVP is a drunk driver.

Who knows how many cheaters helped Baltimore win the AL East and Buck Showalter win Manager of the Year? It's a number somewhere between 1 and 50. We know for sure it isn't 0.


Selig is hardly an enforcer. Selig is a corporate poser and Lupica is his water boy.

Ha! Day!

I have no idea what that means.

The Daily News has an allegedly humorous imaginary article about Alex Rodriguez. Because the Daily News would never pander.

This is what "Ha! Day" means, by the way:

"Blue Jays hold, 'Ha! Day' for A-Rod, commemorating the 2007 game in which baserunner Rodriguez shouted, 'Ha!' as if he were going to catch a pop-up, confusing shortstop John McDonald and third baseman Howie Clark.

Rodriguez takes a seat near third base. As clips of A-Rod’s press conferences are shown, McDonald and Clark shout, 'Ha!' at every one of his PED denials. Fans get to scream, 'Ha!' as well. Eventually, A-Rod is asked to join in the fun himself."

Hi-la-ri-ous.

You know, if I wanted to be exposed to unfunny Yankee-related stuff on the Internet, I can always go watch some Foul Territory episodes. At least Teixeira has a day job.

One of these players is probably inspirational to his teammates. One of these players is probably not.

Martin Prado played in last night's game while experiencing stomach pains. This morning, he had an emergency appendectomy.

Mark Teixeira is sitting out today's game with a sore wrist.

I thought Jeter was going to rebound in September.

Probably not at this point.

But what do you expect Girardi to do? Despite claims to the contrary, this season is the Jeter Farewell Tour.

Girardi doesn't have much to gain by embarrassing Jeter. I'm actually pleasantly surprised that Girardi moved Teixeira down in the order.

Now, I know the Orioles play in Baltimore, but Mike Lupica's moral outrage need not be limited to New York players.

So you just KNOW the prominent anti-ARod crusader is going to go after the Orioles in the wake of the Chris Davis suspension.

Duck for cover, y'all, this is going to be nasty:

"They should give Buck Showalter two Manager of the Year awards for his work this season with the Orioles.

He has lost his catcher, he has lost his third baseman, now he loses his first baseman, Chris Davis, on an amphetamine rap.

And the Orioles, who started out the season 0-4, have been 33 games over .500 since then, and will go into the playoffs with the second-best record in baseball.

Oh, and by the way, Buck had to give a kid who’d never been a closer, Zach Britton, a battlefield commission after the season started."

Dang.

That's cold.

Straight up moral crusader stuff right there.


"Mets fans have a right to wonder how this season would have gone if Matt Harvey had pitched this season and David Wright had hit."

Without a doubt.

For, like, the 5th or 6th season in a row, the Mets are totally the best sub-.500 team ever.

If their bad players played better and if their good players remained healthy, they'd be a lot better. Probably 120 wins or so?

That's assuming Eric Young scores 120 runs and that injured closer guy gets 45 saves.

As for the Yankees, I wonder the same thing. If nobody got hurt and everybody hit, I wonder how the season would have gone.

"Better."

The season would have gone better.

I'm trying to imagine a newspaper's obsession with Alex Rodriguez. I wonder what that would be like.

Daily News columnist Bob Raissman anticipates a pre-occupation with ARod in 2015:

"In the middle of the Ray Rice/Roger Goodell media scream, this amounts to hardly a whisper. It is the name Alex Rodriguez.

Yet as the Yankees’ season, and the Summer of Jeter, heads towards the finish line, with playoff possibilities slim, that name is beginning to appear in columns. In the Valley of the Stupid, there are brief discussions, too.

One baseball scribe went as far as to write A-Rod was again a candidate to become 'The Most Interesting Man in the Baseball World.' We agree. And as fall turns to winter — and if the faucet doesn’t freeze — the name A-Rod will drip, drip, drip, some more."

"One baseball scribe" is Joel Sherman at the New York Post. I googled it.


 "It does not matter if you like him, love him, or loathe him. It does not matter if you believe he is psychologically addicted to PEDs and can’t play without them. It doesn’t matter that he is 39 and has had two hip surgeries and could be shot.

None of this will stop the media, even those who want him gone forever, or rooting for him to fail, from once again becoming obsessed with Rodriguez, whenever he surfaces. We all want a good story to cover. This is also about reality — including the Yankees’ business reality."

It sounds like an apology for lazy reporting.


"No matter what side you take, if Rodriguez makes it to spring training he brings the kind of excitement, uncertainty, and chaos that was missing this season. It’s a story with the ability to jump-start the baseball season — something to actually look forward to.

And here’s hoping he doesn’t sit down for one of those lengthy soul-cleansing interviews. Just show up in Tampa, Mr. Rodriguez. And let the fun begin.'

Just so you know, one newspaper recently ran a story about ARod's LinkedIn account.

Very uninteresting.

As uninteresting as Raissman's column warning us that uninteresting ARod commentary is on the way in 2015.

September

Just a hunch the Yankees are ready to tank in September, rather than show some pride and stay above .500 and out of 4th place.


Jeter is 0-for-his-last-20.

Teixeira is down to .217, worse with all the clutch stats.

1 run in 20 innings yesterday, and that was a HR from a Mets castoff.


It seems like a bunch of disinterested veterans with nothing to prove.

Of course, the problem might not be attitude ... the problem might simply be deteriorating skills.

Stephen Drew is not passing his audition.

With Yankees: 100 AB, 13 H, 2 HRs, 10 RBIs, .130/.214/..250.


August: .153/.225/.306.

September: .071/.188/.107.

Chris Davis cheated and got caught.

Three national columnists expressing their opinions regarding Chris Davis's suspension. None of them use the word "cheat," except in the context of "cheating is not his worst crime."


First up is Bob Nightengale. Cheating is not Davis's worst crime, stupidity is:

"You couldn't help but feel sorry for Baltimore Orioles slugger Chris Davis last year."

 Poor Chris Davis.

  
"He had the mother of all breakout seasons, hitting a major-league leading 53 home runs, and all of the while, fending off the insinuation and constant questions that he must be cheating."

I insinuate that Tuesday follows Monday.


"Well, on this day, you can't help but feel sorry once again for Chris Davis, wondering how a man can possibly be this stupid."

Well, I am chock full of compassion, generally speaking. I don't feel too sorry for Chris Davis.


"He should be suspended for sheer stupidity.

Davis, diagnosed years ago with attention deficit disorder, did not bother seeking an exemption for at least the last two years, according to a person close to Davis with direct knowledge of the condition. The person spoke to USA TODAY Sports on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to speak publicly about Davis' condition.

Davis simply believed he didn't need the medication any longer.

Yet, when Davis started to struggle this year, what does he do?

He turned to Adderall."

I don't believe his problem is attention deficit disorder.

I believe is problem is hitting the curve.

Adderall helped him hit the curve. That's why he started using Adderall again.

I actually don't think taking Adderall is a stupid decision. He would be in the minor leagues without Adderall. Even after getting caught and suspended, the benefits outweighed the costs.


"He can't be in the Orioles celebratory clubhouse when champagne is doused when they clinch the AL East - as soon as next week, thanks to their 10-game lead.

He can't be with the team during the American League Division Series.

If the Orioles reach the second round, he can't be with the team at the start of the American League Championship Series, and probably not at all.

And, if the Orioles make the World Series, why punish any player who helped the Orioles get to the final round, taking him off the roster to play Davis, who won't have seen live pitching for a month?"

I think I'm going to cry.


Well, that was unsatisfying.

Let's see if Jayson Stark sticks it to a cheater:

"I've spent the morning hearing people say that Chris Davis was selfish, getting himself suspended for 25 games in the middle of a September pennant race.

I've spent the morning hearing people say that Chris Davis was stupid, taking a substance like Adderall, which he knew he couldn't take without getting nailed.

Well, there's certainly an element of truth to both of those labels. But there's a part of this I haven't heard anyone talk about.

Chris Davis has a problem. In his apology statement on Friday morning, he indicated the problem is with Adderall. And if that's true, his problem is actually shared by thousands of people in this country -- quite a few of them athletes, by the way."

Of course this is true.

Lots of people do lots of illegal or unethical things -- and quite a few of them are athletes.


"It's easy for all of us to say that guys like Davis should just stop taking it if they know they don't have a league-approved, therapeutic use exemption. Obviously, that's what they should do.

But Davis' suspension Friday was just one more reminder that it's something many of them can't do."

Of course this is true. Same could be said for steroids, HGH, alcohol abuse, wife-beating, and gambling.

Hitting HRs is probably addictive, as is financial success and national prominence. I'm sure it's better than playing in the minor leagues.

Adderall is probably also addictive.

I hope Davis stops taking Adderall and resumes his rightful baseball career in the minor leagues rather than his bogus near-MVP performance.


"So think about this. If Davis got suspended for using Adderall, it means he tested positive previously, knew he tested positive, knew he was going to be tested at least eight more times in the next year and . . .
Kept taking it anyway.

If you think this through logically, you know what that suggests. It suggests he didn't keep taking Adderall because he thought he could somehow beat all those tests. Maybe he kept taking it because he couldn't stop."

Whichever.

Couldn't stop, wouldn't stop.

He's a fraud and a cheater. This is certainly not a surprising revelation.


So maybe Jeff Passan can bring some "moral clarity" to the situation:

"Chris Davis knew exactly what he was doing when he started popping Adderall again. More than any sport, baseball’s relentless toll can ruin a player’s psyche, cause him to forget who he is and what he’s done, send him into the sort of spiral that makes him look for something, anything. Davis sought answers in a pill bottle."

Baseball's relentless toll ruined his psyche and caused him to forget who he is and what he has done.

Hmmm.

Maybe he remembered what he had done while taking Adderall.


"Long a proponent of playing clean – just last year he called Hank Aaron and Roger Maris the all-time and single-season home run champions – Davis found himself ensnared in the complex world of amphetamines"

Never a proponent of playing clean. Long a proponent of talking about playing clean.

I don't know, maybe it's just me. I was always lucky enough to avoid getting snared in the complex world of amphetamines.

How about you?

Did amphetamines ever jump out of the bottle and ensnare you?


"The difficulty manifests itself with players trying to get through the grind of a 7½-month spring-to-fall season, with constant travel, day games after night games and injuries sapping energy. They believe amphetamines help, so every spring, dozens of players apply for exemptions, hoping a league-appointed doctor will grant it. Though rejections exist, they’re not altogether prevalent."

Yeah, the grind of the baseball season must be demanding.

Especially when you can't hit.

Which Chris Davis can't.

Unless he is taking Adderall.


"And it’s more stupid than selfish, because certainly the intent was to help the Orioles overcome those losses, to play like he believed he should. A 53-home run, MVP-type season morphing into a Mendoza Line mess (.196/.300/.404) is enough to make any player question himself."

That's it. I'm done.

"Trying to help the team" is all I can take.

You all are cowards who should demand the immediate revocation of ARod's suspension.

Nobody perceives the Yankees to be relevant in 2014.

Neither team is relevant in terms of the 2014 playoffs. I don't think anyone perceives anything contrary to this fact:

"So the Mets, who have not even finished above .500 since they moved into Citi Field for the 2009 season and who will now be without David Wright for the remainder of the 2014 campaign, would have to gain a chunk of ground on a bunch of clubs to pull off their minor miracle.

That’s not likely to happen. Nor will it be easy for the Yankees to move past either Detroit or Kansas City (one of them will finish first in the A.L. Central and not end up as a wild-card contestant), Seattle, Toronto and Cleveland (we’re running out of breath, here) and sneak into the postseason as wild card No. 2.

Still, let it be said one more time: The Mets are right there, right now, with the Yankees. As for what it all means, well, it does challenge the perception that the Yankees, even in a flat year, usually manage to remain relevant while the Mets simply do not."

The perception for the majority of the past twenty years? Yes.

The perception for this year? No.

$200 million sure doesn't buy as much as it used to ... because the Yankees spend $200 million on their baseball team ... and their baseball team isn't very good ...

Aside from a template tribute to Jeter (wherein Lupica reminds everyone that he's personal friends with Joe Torre), there isn't much positive to say about the New York baseball teams.

How can one express the poor return on investment for the Yankees?:

"Once the Yankees, even after they stopped winning the World Series, still felt like the greatest show on earth, and could draw 50,000 a game to the old Stadium. Now they’re grinding away for the second wild card in the American League, which makes you believe, more than ever, that a $200 million payroll officially doesn’t buy you nearly what it used to in baseball.

It just seems so unfair."

Let's say you're a man.

A man who writes columns and these columns get published in a newspaper.

You have a joke.

It's not a great joke, it's a so-so joke. It's a snarky joke.

The joke is, "$200 million doesn't buy as much as it used to."

You use this phrase to demonstrate the Yankees' recent lack of success (2001 - 2014), especially compared to the Torre Dynasty years (1996 - 2001).


How many times can you use this joke?

You have been using this joke since 2001.

Is the voice in your head telling you this is a funny joke?

Or is the voice in your head telling you that a joke retains its dubious hilarity despite overuse?

Either way, the voice in your head is wrong.

Balance?

Not winning on one side of the scale.

On the other side of the scale, an active player wearing a patch of himself.

Mark Teixeira dropped to 5th in the batting order.

Not exactly a tectonic shift, but you wonder why it took until September for a small light bulb to go on above Girardi's head.

May as well keep Jeter batting second and not embarrass him.

Starting pitcher gets bombed, Beltran embarrassing base running blunder, Gardner (batting third!) gets ejected from the game.

Girardi remains unfazed:

"What Jeter has become is clear. He's 40-year-old doing something almost no 40-year-olds do in baseball: holding on to a starting job, in only by the tips of his fingers.

That's impressive. But it's not enough to warrant a top-of-the-order spot for a team who's mantra has been championship or bust since the start of the Steinbrenner era.

The problem: We're past that point. It's too late. The buzzards are circling, eying the meat beneath the pinstripes.

Nothing Girardi does from today through Sept. 28, the Yankees' last regular season game, is going to turn their offense into a playoff-caliber force. Especially not moving Jeter and putting someone else in his No. 2 spot.

Notice I said his No. 2 spot. That's because it is and it's been Jeter's since 1998, when he batted there in 145 games. In 1996, his rookie year, he mostly hit No. 9 and he was the leadoff man in 1997.

He's got 1,982 more plate appearances in the second position more than his next most frequent lineup spot, at the very top. This season, he's hit there in 117 of the 121 games he's played — three others were spent leading off and one was in the No. 4 hole."

Pile on Bo Porter.

"Two springs ago, Astros general manager Jeff Luhnow gathered his players to introduce his new manager, Bo Porter.

That very day, some players foresaw trouble.

'It was extremely uncomfortable being in that room,' one remembered.

Players and coaches remember a weird dynamic between the two men.

'Bo kept interrupting Jeff,' one player said. 'He seemed to think he was the boss. If you'd been there, you would have known it wasn't going to work.'

It really never did.

That Porter held the job for 300 games -- he was dismissed on Monday -- reflects the fact that Luhnow simply had other priorities."

....

"Luhnow said the team's won-loss record -- 110-190 under Porter -- was his responsibility, which is damning to Porter on several levels. In other words, he didn't dismiss Porter for losing too many baseball games. Luhnow dismissed Porter because he no longer respected his leadership skills and his ability to be a team player in the organization.

From the beginning, there was a disconnect. In that first Spring Training, Porter did things that struck the front office as silly.

For instance, Porter had the walls papered with motivational sayings and placed mirrors in each locker to remind players to look at themselves first before blaming a teammate. He had players turn their chairs away from their lockers, his way of telling them to look forward.

If Porter had been managing a Little League team, that stuff might have played well. Adults? Not so much. When one coach left the big league staff, he went directly to Luhnow and said, 'You had better get that guy away from your young players.' "

That's quite a talent evaluator.

A scout whose qualifications are owning a television and watching Yankee games:

"The lineup poses two distinct problems for Joe Girardi in particular. He has no everyday replacement for Teixeira, yet watches his first baseman struggling to make contact, let alone drive the ball into the gaps. Over the last month, Teixeira has been striking out once every three at-bats, a decline so steep one talent evaluator said, 'It feels like I’m watching a totally different player' than the one the Yankees signed in 2009.

'[Teixeira] only seems to hit mistakes now,' said the scout. That’s what’s so demoralizing to ownership: Teixeira is owed another $45 million through 2016, which means the Yankees are stuck with him, just as they’ll be left to figure out what to do about Carlos Beltran, who’s also signed through ’16."