MLB vs. MLL.

Chuck Culpepper seems to be discussing Randy Johnson and his salary and his responsibility to the media:

"They make a lot of money because television networks air their games a lot.

That's right: Randy Johnson gave a 'get-out-of-my-face' to the very reason he makes a lavish salary."

It's sort of right.

While it's true that Corporate America generates a lot of the revenue that pays for a player's salary, it's still unclear why a CBS reporter is following Randy Johnson while he's walking down the street. It's also unclear whether or not this really helps Bud sell more beer. I think Mickey D's would have preferred that the reporters just leave Kobe alone and let him sell some Big Macs.

So if Corporate America is truly the Master to whom everyone must answer, I'm not so sure that Stupid Reporting helps them. Therefore, I don't quite see how Stupid Reporting helps pay Unit's salary.

Since we're pointing out ironies and ungratefulness, it's kind of interesting to ponder who is paying Culpepper's salary. Randy Johnson can still pitch for the Yankees if Chuck Culpepper stops writing columns for Newsday, put it that way.

Suddenly, this discussion takes a turn for the bizarre:

"Now, for contrast, I give you Major League Lacrosse. It has elite athletes as in baseball, people who've fine-tuned skills for just about all their lives as in baseball, people who've spent an inordinate amount of time on Earth at - egad - practice as in baseball, and people who average a reported $13,000 per year.

As not in baseball.

The difference? Oh, through a sequence of random events we commonly label as history, one sport became the 'national pastime' while the other became the nation's oldest game.

Soon, TV came along and - boom - let's air the pastime."

Not to blow too big of a hole into Culpepper's theory, but ... let's just suppose that this "sequence of random events" had occurred differently ... that lacrosse (!!!) had become the so-called "national pastime" instead of baseball ... and lacrosse got tv coverage because people wanted to watch it and every time a player scored a goal Phil Rizzuto would say "This Bud's For You."

So now every city has a big-ass lacrosse stadium and baseball has been largely forgotten, only played in sandlots or in ivy league colleges.

Okay, so now we've successfully changed the "sequence of random events" and we're living in bizarr-o Lacrosse World.

Well, guess what really happens?

A 6' 10" monster like Randy Johnson becomes one of the best lacrosse players in the world and rakes it in and still gets mad when reporters follow him down the street.

"Professional" lacrosse player Patrick McCabe ain't good enough anymore since so many world-class athletes want to play lacrosse and make the big bucks.

Alternate Universe Patrick McCabe is stuck playing Alternate Universe wiffle ball with Alternate Universe Chuck Culpepper, and they're both complaining about all the overpaid lacrosse players.