The Billy Crystal at-bat is a shame that will burden the Yankees all season long. Hic. Pardon me, I'm Jerry Green and I'm drunk.

"You cannot love baseball without treasuring the visions of Babe Ruth, of Lou Gehrig, of Joe DiMaggio, of Mickey Mantle.

All of them ghosts of other eras, when baseball was proud and not yet impure."

I'm going to ignore the racial undercurrent of that statement. I doubt if that's what Jerry Green intended.

Still, I got news for you, Pops: Baseball was always impure.

"My ancient visions of the Yankees are of class:

"Derek Jeter getting booed at Comerica Park by his home-state fans just because he plays for the Yankees with the traditional dignity. And Jeter refusing to complain about the jeering.

Johnny Damon, standing on the steps of the visitors dugout at Comerica, and applauding the pennant-bound Tigers after they dumped the favored Yankees in the 2006 playoffs.

Gehrig, trying to keep playing as he was dying with the disease would carry his name, when I was a kid at Yankee Stadium.

DiMaggio, with his grace and flawless, fluid moves in center field.

And Mantle, grinning and friendly, pounding prodigious shots into the upper deck." (While hungover.)

Do you know what "ancient" means? Because Jeter is currently on the Yankees and the Damon story is only two years old. Even in the compressed time period of professional Major League Baseball or the compressed time period of Jerry Green's life, two years is not "ancient."

"Once upon a time, baseball had an entrepreneur named Bill Veeck. He wrote an autobiography called 'Veeck As In Wreck.' Veeck owned the St. Louis Browns, the whipping boys of the American League. In 1951, Veeck signed a dwarf and sent him to bat in a regular-season Sunday game against the Tigers. Eddie Gaedel, 3-feet-7 and 65 pounds, popped out of a cake, wearing the Brownies uniform No. 1/8."

I truly think if I could go back in time and pick any baseball game to attend, that would be the game.

Hilarious.

"It was circus showmanship at Veeck's best. Worst?"

It was writing at its worst. Best?

"Bob Cain was the Tigers pitcher. Bob Swift was the catcher. There are famous pictures of Swift on his knees to catch Cain's pitches.

Gaedel, walked on four pitches, as a pinch hitter. He was too small for Cain to throw strikes. Cain supposedly was laughing as he threw the four high pitches. Commissioner Kenesaw Mountain Landis was not so amused. He ordered Gaedel's name be stricken from the all-time major league records. The one at-bat was later reinstated instated into major league baseball's precocious official statistics.

The event was a travesty of baseball."

1) Can official statistics be "precocious"? What is the context for "precocious" in this story? Major league baseball's official statistics act mature for their age? Do you mean "precious"?

2) That was awesome when Gaedel batted.

3) That was a regular season game.

4) You just said baseball used to be pure, then you bring up a "travesty" from fifty-seven years ago.

5) Lighten up.


"And shame is a burden the Yankees will carry all season long. Some place -- wherever? -- the Babe must be crying."

So now you imply that "pure" Babe Ruth is in Hell.

You really think Babe Ruth is crying because the Yankees gave a Spring Training at-bat to an entertainer? Do you know anything about Babe Ruth?