Sunday, April 05, 2009

I'm not going to call it McStadium ...

Because it's not funny and it's not historically accurate. I think it will catch on in the pop culture lexicon as successfully as Curse of the Bam-Boonie:

"Jeter runs out to short in this McMansion of a Stadium - call it The McStadium - the way he did for the first time as a regular across the street, in 1996, when the winning started."

That's when the Yankee winning started ... in 1996. Thanks for clearing that up. This whole time, I knew they were lying about 26 World Championships.

Just for some historical perspective, the new Yankee Stadium has 5,000 fewer seats than the previous version.

But, when Yankee Stadium opened in 1923, its capacity was 80,000, though I don't think it had anywhere near that many seats. They just sort of comfortably crammed 30,000 extra people into the urine-soaked tunnels.

The Stadium made a lot of money back then, too. Which is the purpose of the entire thing.

"Jeter's Yankees giving you 1998 and what might have been the best Yankee team of them all."

Oh, fine. The 1998 Yankees were Jeter's Yankees. I thought they were Darren Holmes's Yankees. But that's just me.

" 'We played the way you're supposed to play and won the way you're supposed to win,' he said to me once."

The next thing Jeter said was, "I take my coffee with cream and two sugars. Make it snappy, you sniveling man-child."

"It is not just Yankee fans that want things the way they used to be, on the other side of 161st St. It is Jeter, too. The Yankees will win another Series eventually, maybe even this season at McStadium. Jeter may still be at short when they do. But it won't be the way it was. The Yankees of today are the new place. They're A-Rod. Jeter was made for the place across the street."

We get it: Jeter good, ARod bad. Old Stadium good, new Stadium bad. Lupica is nothing if not predictable.

I also like how the House that Ruth Built -- the first ballpark to be called a stadium -- is somehow re-imagined, in Lupica's warped mind, as a monument to grittiness and humility.

You, sir, are stupid and out of touch.

Can you imagine being so spoiled and out of touch that you'd complain about a 2009 Yankee Championship because Alex Rodriguez is on the team and because it's in a new stadium? I know a lot of Yankee fans, and exactly zero of them would complain about a 2009 Yankee Championship.

"Aw, gee, we won the World Series. But it's not the same. Shucks."

Lupica, just give it up and openly root for the Red Sox. You know you want to.

No comments: