The best way for a hack to win an argument is to lie about the facts.

"Yeah, it must have been Joe Torre's fault that A-Rod couldn't buy a hit in October until last October, and that you couldn't find him in one first-round loss after another."

That is a lie. An untruth. A misrepresentation.

A last refuge of small-sample-size morons who don't understand baseball and who use their baseball column to perpetuate personal grudges.

"A-Rod might still someday be the all-time king of home runs. The king of accountability he has never been.

And will never be."

Yeah, but he's the king of home runs, and that's what matters.


I know that double off Brad Lidge ruined your day, ruined your storyline, but you really ought to pull your head out of Jonathon Papelbon's butt long enough to look up some stats.

My favorite excuse.

"But now I find that I can't defend Torre as he continues to rationalize some of the more controversial content in his book, in particular his treatment of A-Rod.

It's not that he revealed anything all that stunning about Rodriguez, but for a manager who preached the sanctity of the clubhouse to his players, Torre did cross the line. And while it's clear that much of the unflattering A-Rod material was the result of co-author Tom Verducci's reporting, Torre has to take responsibility for everything in the book.

On Friday, Torre took his rationale a little further, all but intimating that A-Fraud was an endearing nickname of some sort.

'There was nothing in the book that wasn't out in public before,Torre said. A-Fraud wasn't something I said, it's what others said, and it wasn't as if it was said behind his back."

'I hope I didn't do anything that made him uncomfortable with me, but I don't feel like there's anything that needs to be said (to him).' "

Question nobody seems willing to ask:

If there was nothing in the book that wasn't out in public before, then why did you bother writing it?

Why would anybody bother reading it?

You're so lazy as an "author," that you don't even pretend to offer new insights?

Scapegoat is right.

I haven't forgotten.

I thought ARod was going to look into the Dodgers dugout and hole up eight fingers while rounding the bases:

"But, while Torre’s knack was connecting with the players, soothing them, and removing the peripherals that hunted them in New York, he apparently did not connect with or soothe Rodriguez.

What he did was bat him eighth.

Rodriguez heard and came to believe Torre referred to him as a 'pretty boy,' and that Torre had picked a side in the A-Rod-Jeter chill, and in his book fed the 'A-Fraud' drama.

But, none of it stung quite as much as when he arrived at Detroit’s Comerica Park for a division series game one Saturday afternoon, the Yankees playing to extend their season, to discover Torre had chosen his scapegoat.

Rodriguez had one hit in 11 at-bats going into Game 4. He’d batted .358 in September, leading up to the series, and then fallen into another postseason slump. Most believe Torre lost Rodriguez forever that day, had embarrassed him, and everything that came after it simply confirmed to Rodriguez there could never be a relationship between the game’s pre-eminent manager and his superstar third baseman.

A year-and-a-half and 3,000 miles have altered none of a poisoned history."

Torre is lying when he says that he thought he had a good relationship with ARod.

Still trying to make ARod the scapegoat.

Buck Showalter never existed.

A New York Daily news poll:

"What was Joe Torre's greatest achievement as manager of the Yankees?

1) Four World Series titles.

2) String of 13 consecutive playoff appearances.

3) Surviving Steinbrenner for all those years."

I voted for 2.

Because 13 consecutive playoff appearances as manager is particularly impressive for a person who managed the Yankees for 12 years.

Girardi uses Rivera in a tie game on the road.

It's almost as if Girardi is intentionally mocking Joe Torre before the Yankees visit Los Angeles.

Back when I last won the World Series, MTV still played music videos.

"Torre often references his Yankee years with the Dodgers’ players, mostly talking about the comebacks against Atlanta in the 1996 World Series, and against Oakland in the 2001 division series. He retains Bowa and the hitting coach Don Mattingly from his last Yankees staff, and has one ex-Yankee, reliever Jeff Weaver, on his roster."

You say "references," I say "lives in the past."


"He is the same Torre — a cup of Bigelow green tea before batting practice, a box of Hammond’s pretzels in his office, the familiar No. 6 on his back."

... same lapdog reporters, too.


I hope the Bigelow tea is decaf.

We wouldn't want Torre to wake up and, say, manage a professional baseball game.

Maybe it's because Jorge Posada was catching.

Except Posada wasn't catching.

Hmmm ...

Maybe we can do research and come up with a new stat: A.J. Burnett's ERA when Jorge Posada is DHing.

.226 hitter not voted to All Star Game ...

... yet!

George A King III has been hitting the bottle again.

"When Jose Reyes swatted Phil Hughes’ second pitch over the right-field wall, it was not out of the question to believe the Mets had enough for a Subway Series victory."

When Jose Reyes swatted Phil Hughes's second pitch over the right-field wall, I made my way down to the Hard Rock Cafe for twelve white russians.

I came back and, what do you know? The Yankees had won.


"After all, Mike Pelfrey against the Dead Bat Society that lost Derek Jeter to a late scratch gave the Mets, who had won eight straight, an advantage over a Yankees club that had dropped three in a row."

Amazing.

I can't believe we're still over-reacting to a three-game mini-slump. Did anybody notice the Rays lost three games in a row? I think the Dodgers did, too.

I think the 1927 Yankees once lost three games in a row.


"And Hughes’ previous few outings weren’t crisp."

You are wrong.

Put down the boilermaker and look it up.

Hughes's last few outings: 5 runs in 5 2/3 innings; 3 runs in 6 innings; 1 run in 7 innings.

If that's Hughes's idea of "not crisp," then he's winning the Cy Young Award.

A.J. Burnett's idea of "not crisp" is 3 innings, 11 runs, 7 hits, 12 walks, 4 hit by pitch, 6 wild pitches, and 6 strikeouts.


"Nevertheless, Hughes regrouped, Mark Teixeira and Curtis Granderson hit clutch homers, Joba Chamberlain found his high-octane fastball and Mariano Rivera worked a perfect ninth to lead the Yankees to a 5-3 victory in front of 49,073 sun-splashed fans."

Well, good. So I'll just ignore the first few paragraphs you wrote about what might have happened.

Maybe, in the future, you won't judge the outcome of the game after two whole pitches.

At least give the home team a chance to bat and stuff.

Bumbling Bombers second in MLB in runs per game.

I can think of no better measure of an offense than runs per game:

"The culprits are many. But the biggest paychecks and largest expectations go to Derek Jeter, Mark Teixeira and Alex Rodriguez and there has simply been too little impact provided by that trio even as the Yankees have mustered the majors' second-most runs. What is missing is the anticipated fear factor and what is present is too much inconsistency."

1) I'll take runs per game over "fear factor."

2) While the power is down, the speed is up.

3) Most importantly, the Yankees lead MLB in on-base percentage.

It's right there for everyone to see. The most important offensive stat is on-base percentage.


"The Yankees have a lineup strong enough to generate six runs in six innings Tuesday against Roy Halladay. But it was as if the Yankees had made a deal with the devil to trash the pitcher they uniformly respect the most. In the three games since, the Yankees have scored four runs."

Three games.

What the heck is this garbage that passes for baseball analysis?

The Yankees made a deal with the devil and the payback is first place and the best record in baseball.


Yes, it's true that Teixeira and ARod have been subpar.

It's also true that others have picked up the slack and -- shocking as this may seem to a keen baseball journalist -- there's more to baseball than hitting HRs.


The most delicious stat is that ARod is hitting .343 with RISP.

I sure recall a heckuva lot of negative analysis if he dared bat poorly with RISP. It was, like, national news.

Haven't seen too much praise for Mr. Clutch this year.

Can't be the first time a pierogi got fired for criticizing his employer on Facebook.

What he said.

"Despite the annoyingly incontrovertible reality of Granderson’s helplessness against same-side pitchers, Girardi called on him to pinch-hit for Huffman. This provoked a predictable response from Jerry Manuel: he pulled Dessens and brought in a far more effective reliever, lefty Pedro Feliciano. Girardi had painted himself into a corner. Granderson predictably whiffed, missing strike three by approximately the distance between the average Grand Canyon butte. Granderson went down without even moving the runner to third, never mind scoring him. Feliciano then retired Brett Gardner and the incredibly slumpy Derek Jeter (14-for-67 in June; 4 for his last 29). Obviously, had the game been tied there, the remainder would have had a much different complexion."

It was very weird. It really seemed like Girardi forgot about Feliciano. Girardi played right into Manuel's hands.

Girardi gets smoked.

Girardi benches Granderson against a soft-throwing lefty starter, but then forgets the Mets have Pedro Feliciano in the bullpen.

A streak of two.

Three games ago, the Yankees pounded Roy Halladay.

"This certainly was not the way the this weekend, losing two straight to a team that came into trying to discover how to get its bats to work again."

Well, losing is always worse than winning, but it's only two games.


"The Mets are red-hot, having solved the mystery of "why can't we win on the road" by taking six straight against two of the AL's worst teams - Baltimore and Cleveland.

The opposition doesn't matter, because the Mets would be beating anyone right now with the hitting, pitching and bullpen all working together."

The opposition matters.

It's one of the most important things in determining whether you win or lose.


"The Yankees' bats went into cold storage on Wednesday and they haven't emerged yet. If they can't chip the ice away by Friday night, then they are going to get clobbered."

Two games.

So two games is now a slump.

I'm not saying Joba is fat ...

... but, instead of playing a Metallica song when Joba enters the game, they play this song.

Fair enough, but a hypocrite should choose his words carefully.

Lupica harshing on ARod is nothing new and Lupica is 100% correct. ARod's steroid use tarnishes the pursuit of 600, 700, 800 homeruns.

Yes, ARod has managed 38 HRs in the past season or so since coming back from injury, but he plays his home games at tiny Yankee Stadium and, frankly, Michael Kay is caught saying "DEEP to left!" for fly balls that die at the track.

It's more of an subjective observation than an objective measure. ARod seems to have less power:

"It means Rodriguez could be at 600 homers before the month is out, at which point the city and the Yankees will be expected to come to a dead stop, mostly because there is money to be made off a magic number like that."

I wouldn't expect the city to come to a dead stop about ARod's 600th any more than they came to a dead stop for his 500th. I remember it was against the Royals and, you know, he stood at home plate like a putz.


"A-Rod is an admitted user of steroids, even though he never actually used the word when he went to his media confession in the spring of 2009. 'We knew we weren't taking Tic Tac's," he said at the time, talking about the 'Boli' he says he took in Texas - but only in Texas! - and the phantom cousin who administered it to him over three full seasons."
Fair enough.

ARod has no credibility.

If that's what you believe and this bothers you, then you have a right to your opinion, author of Summer of '98: the Year a Steroid-Fueled, Fraudulent Homerun Race Helped Me Establish a Relationship With My Son.


"Bonds only admits to accidentally using a steroid called 'The Clear,' saying he thought he was only taking flaxseed oil, because, hey, who hasn't made a simple mistake like that?

...

Then there is Sosa, who hit 60 home runs three times in four seasons and sits at 609 career home runs. He says he never used illegal performance-enhancing drugs, no sir, swear on a Bible. And if you believe that, you believe that it's only a coincidence that his appearance starts to make the name 'Lady Gaga' come to mind."

Lady Gaga!

You've updated your pop culture references after five years of "Dancing With The Stars." Well done!


Anyway, so far you've taken down ARod, Bonds, Sosa. Who's next?:

"Oh sure, all has been forgiven with A-Rod and he will experience the same kind of lovefest at 600 that Roger Clemens - another big legendary star of baseball's steroids era, and steroids culture - experienced when he got to 300 wins. As a Yankee. You know how it goes. These are practically religious experiences."

That's fine, Clemens is next. ARod, Bonds, Sosa, and Clemens. Easy targets, all.


"Even though you have to say that The 600 Home Run Club ain't what it used to be. The way The 500 Home Run Club ain't what it used to be. And never will be again."
Of course.

Or the 100-rbi club, 40-homerun club, etc., etc., etc.

The offensive stats are inflated everywhere, even in this so-called year of the pitcher.

The Yankees are still going to score 900 runs and, well, it's just not the '70s anymore.


"Nothing against Jim Thome, who's currently sitting at 569 home runs, which means 17 behind Frank Robinson and four behind Harmon Killebrew, but have you watched Thome for one minute of his career and thought you were watching one of the great sluggers of all time, and a future Hall of Famer?"

When somebody says "nothing against," it is invariably followed by something against.

Since you asked, yes, I think Jim Thome will make the Hall of Fame, and deservedly so. Every time I watched Jim Thome play, I thought I was watching one of the greatest sluggers of all time because that's what he is.

"This list, these inflated numbers that go with the inflated bodies, is as much a record of this time in baseball as George Mitchell's report. Bonds. Sosa. McGwire. Rafael Palmeiro, the drug cheat who pointed a finger at Congress and said he'd never used steroids and then turned up positive. Manny Ramirez got busted eventually for a taking a female fertility drug, a known companion to steroids.

Hall of Famers, Hall of Shamers. Same club."

Hall of Shame: ARod, Bonds, Sosa, McGwire, Clemens, Thome, Palmeiro, Manny ... ummm ... where's David Ortiz on you list of Hall of Shamers?


Now, look, I'm not saying that David Ortiz necessarily flows from this article. Lupica is talking about players with 500+ homeruns and Ortiz is nearing 400.

The problem is that Lupica seldom hides his ejaculatory enthusiasm for Big Papi. About 200 articles in a row, Lupica has gone out of his way to praise Big Papi, as recently as June 8th.

Two days before writing the article where steroids users are placed in the Hall of Shame.


Lupica, you are a hypocrite and there is nothing worse than a hypocrite.

Take your worst hitter and bat him ... fifth?

"No manager in baseball protects his players as well as Joe Girardi, but it’s time for the Yankees to make a major change in their lineup."

Kevin Kernan's proposal will undoubtedly be an unimaginative, minor change.


"Girardi should flip-flop Mark Teixeira and Cano in the lineup. Let Cano bat third and put Teixeira fifth. Such a move could take some of the pressure off Teixeira and perhaps get him going in a much more consistent manner."

1) Batting Teixeira ninth would take even more pressure off Teixeira.

2) Teixeira will starting hitting in a much more consistent manner no matter what. If he doesn't, then the Yankees are in (relative) trouble. If you expect Teixeira to start hitting in a much more consistent manner, then bat him third and wait.


"Cano’s been the Yankees’ best hitter. In April I wrote this will be an MVP-type season for him."

Guess what, everybody?

In April, Kevin Kernan wrote that this will be an MVP-type season for Robinson Cano.

Kevin Kernan is smarter than you.

Unless you also thought it might be an MVP-type season for Cano. In which case, you're even with Kevin Kernan.


"No one has supported Teixeira more than I’ve supported him, but the Yankees, despite their overall success, have had some recent hitting issues."

That's not true.

Mark Teixeira's mother has supported Teixeira more than Kevin Kernan.

Am I to believe that Kevin Kernan fed Mark Teixeira milk from his breast? I think not.

Call up Francesa and complain about Girardi.

Don't know yet if the Yankees will score three runs this inning, or even two to tie the game.

Yankees down 2-0, top 8th:

"Top 8th: NY Yankees

- F. Cervelli hit by pitch

- S. Downs relieved B. Morrow

- B. Gardner hit by pitch, F. Cervelli to second

- D. Jeter doubled to shallow right, F. Cervelli scored, B. Gardner to third" But I know that 99% of talk radio callers were demanding a bunt from Jeter. Because bunts always solve every offensive problem.

So lazy.

"Ken Griffey Jr., who hit just .184 with no homers in 33 games as a part-time DH this season, in announcing his retirement from Seattle Mariners last week. Next stop: Cooperstown, where he will arrive in five years with 524 homers and 2,781 hits and a reputation for having gotten them all clean."

That's 630 homers. 524 doubles.

I've got 10,000 calls I want Selig to overrule.

That 1-1 pitch to ARod lat week was low, for cryin' out loud.

As for Jim Joyce, my question for him is, what the heck is this about?