I searched high and far and I finally found a sportswriter who likes Derek Jeter.

"For much of the past year, too much of the talk around here has been about what Derek Jeter no longer can do:

Can’t get to enough balls to his left.

Can’t hit like he did in the clutch anymore.

Can’t hit more than .270 anymore."

That's definitely all true. His RISP BA is .170. His on-base% is .313. His slugging% is .325.

Awful.

"Yes, he plays for the Winning-Isn’t-Everything-It’s-The-Only-Thing Yankees, for whom the future is forever now, who will inevitably find themselves in the position of detesting Alex Rodriguez’s opt-in contract as much as they reveled in a modicum of payback for The Captain for his prodigious previous bounty even as they reap the marketing benefits of his run to 3,000 hits."

That, Sir, is a run-on sentence.

The Yankees are going to detest ARod's contract as much as they reveled in a modicum of payback for Jeter for his prodigious previous bounty? I'm confused and scared after reading that sentence.

"I ask:

Why are we so eager to show this guy the door?

Why are we so eager to shove him off shortstop?

Why are we so eager to shove him off leadoff?"

Can’t get to enough balls to his left, can’t hit like he did in the clutch anymore, can’t hit more than .270 anymore, has an on-base% of .313, and a slugging% of .325.

"Because trust me, we will miss him more than we know when he’s gone.

In case you have forgotten:

On and off the field, he has been The Pride of the Yankees, a five-time champion of grace and elegance and class who has drawn comparisons with Joe DiMaggio, minus the 56-game hitting streak, the home runs, and Marilyn Monroe."

Jeter is the most-worshiped and most-recognized person in baseball. He is going to the Hall of Fame. He will get a monument. His number will be retired.

There is no way we will ever miss Derek Jeter when he's gone, because Derek Jeter will never be gone. Jeter will always sell cars with cool panoramic vista roofs.


Turn on the radio and you'll still hear Joe Torre hawking green tea. Bigelow green tea. From the locker room to the dugout to the front office, Torre has always enjoyed the antioxidant benefits of Bigelow green tea.

Let's talk about the 1986 Mets and the Red Sox.

You'd think this would be a good time for a Yankee-Hater to focus on the Yankees, since the Yankees are just starting a 1-8 road trip which will drop them into fourth place.

But this is all we get:

"I will ask this question again: When was the last time you watched A-Rod and thought to yourself that you were watching the best player in baseball?"

If you are asking rhetorical questions, I'll provide rhetorical answers.


The last time I thought ARod was the best player in baseball was 1 1/3 seasons ago. The 2009 playoffs.

But it's a bit of a trick question.

Lupica himself never thought ARod was the best player in baseball and, to be fair, maybe ARod never was. The "Big Papi for MVP" argument wasn't very convincing in the first place, but it's even less convincing to backtrack and elevate ARod's status.

When did Lupica last think ARod was the best player in baseball? If he says anything other than "never," then he's either a liar or he wasted a lot of ink playing Devil's Advocate.


"And here's an even better question: Who IS the best player in baseball right now?"

Jose Bautista.

I know he doesn't play for Boston, but you should check out major league baseball sometime.

Plagiarism.

You're not hallucinating, you're reading two separate columns by the same writer on the same day.

I don't think it's legally possible to plagiarize yourself:

Article #1, Mike Lupica, May 27, 2011:

"He spent money badly and the Wilpons let him. So it's on him and it's on them.

...

They have had two bad years. Before that they had two bad Septembers. Nobody is quite sure what is going to happen with the 2011 Mets - though we're going to have a much better idea after the next homestand, starting with the Phillies coming to town - but they came into yesterday two games under .500. They were two games under even in a season when they haven't had Santana and might not have him, when David Wright and Ike Davis are on the DL, when Chris Young, who had been their best starter early, blows out his shoulder.

Sometimes, though, the coverage makes you think that they haven't won a game all year. Or as if these past two years, because of the stink of Madoff all around, is really ten years. But it isn't.

...

Mets fans have a right to be angry. They have a right to want these owners gone. It is the nature of fans in general and New York sports fans in particular. But for now, today, with a new owner about to be in place and some much-needed money coming into the Mets, money isn't the issue. The baseball decisions that will be made from now on are the issue. The general manager in this case is more important than the owners. New or old. I will say this again: You either believe in Sandy Alderson and his guys or you don't."


Article #2, Mike Lupica, May 27, 2011:

"He spent money badly. The Wilpons let him. So it's on him and it's on them. Here comes the hedge-fund guy to bail everybody out, at least for now.

The Mets have had two very bad years. Before that they had two bad Septembers. Sometimes, though, the coverage makes you think that they haven't won a game all year. Or as if these past two years, because of the stink of Madoff all around, is really 10 years. But it isn't. Think about how much more bad baseball the Mets would have to play to have a decade like the Knicks just had.

Mets fans still have a right to be angry, have a right to want the owners gone. But now, today, they get a new owner, one for whom Mets fans should cheer, just because he's the Mets owner who doesn't want to make baseball decisions."

As for the content:

1) Lupica is whining about the press coverage of the Mets. A team with the highest payroll in the NL and the tenth-best record in the NL.

2) "Two bad Septembers" is an understatement. Try "two of the biggest collapses in MLB history."

3) Lupica is whining about injuries on the Mets, including the injury to journeyman Chris Young. So Young's now the Mets' best pitcher based on 24 whole innings.

When I read this column(s), I truly wonder if Lupica is on the Mets' payroll.

Weird dude.

Knoblauch's teams won 4 World Series and 13 out of 14 playoff series:

"I remember working for $9 an hour in the Twins ticket office during the 1997 off-season when Knoblauch tapped on my window and asked if I had four quarters for his dollar so he could plug a nearby parking meter. I told him I had just three quarters and he said 'give me whatever you got.' So we traded and Knoblauch went on his merry way.

A few months later when the Yankees came to town to mark Knoblauch's return to Minnesota, a message came up from the Yankees traveling secretary to me that Mr. Knoblauch needed his quarter I owed him. A millionaire worried about a quarter? That's the Chucker I came to know."

The Yankees had a bad month.

"Somebody needs to point out to the Yankees that every time a batter of theirs gets hit, it's not on purpose.

And every single pitch one of their batters takes isn't always a ball."

Oh, you're making this up, Yankee-Hater.

Jeter and ARod have been getting plunked for 15 years. It's on purpose.

More to the point, it doesn't even matter if it's on purpose. Markakis gets one in the back to remind Baltimore pitchers to be more careful. Does Lupica have a problem with that?


As for the Yankees arguing balls and strikes, I see no evidence that they argue more than any other team from the past 100 years.


What did Lupica think of Reyes's "bear claw" after a leadoff double in a game where Reyes's team lost by four runs? To drop them a game under .500, a mere one game ahead of the last-place Nationals?

I'm sure Lupica thinks it's feisty. I'd like to see a Yankee do that: "I got a leadoff double. Bear claw! Rawwwr!"

Heck, Reyes should have been drilled just for acting like a fool.


"We have the Mets starting 5-13 and getting to .500 on Friday night against the Yankees, ending a month when they have been a much better and more entertaining team than the $207 million Yankees."

The Yankees were 12-6 after 18 games. Since then, the Yankees have won 12 and lost 14.

• They lost six straight home games for the first time since 2002(?).
• They lost six in a row for the first time since 2007(?).
• Swept by the Red Sox.
• Cano leads the team in batting average with a .275 batting average.
• 1,000 unearned runs in one month.
• A Mondesi-like BA with runners in scoring position.

The Mets were better than the Yankees over this stretch?

It's really nothing to be proud of. It's like saying "Thor" is better than "Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol."

Baseball analysis for people who know nothing about baseball.

"Admit it. You thought you had a handle on the New York baseball scene. The Yankees are destined for October. The are trying not to embarrass themselves before they fade from contention."

Please don't presume my baseball opinions.

Before the season started, I thought the Yankees would win about 95 games and the Mets would win about 85 games.

Since that time, I've lowered the Yankee prediction because I realized they're gutless punks. But the AL East is under-performing as a whole, so I'd still predict about 90 wins. It could still bump up to 95 or so when one considers their ability to acquire new players in mid-season trades.

As for the Mets, as long as there is a wild card, no team is out of contention. The Mets won't catch the Phillies.


"And then you get the Subway Series and it gives you a whole new look at things."

That makes no sense.

Both teams stunk on Thursday and both teams still stink.


"The Mets beat the Yankees, 2-1, in a pitching duel Friday night before 47,874 at the Stadium on the strength of R.A. Dickey's best performance of the season and Daniel Murphy's tie-breaking home run. And now the Mets (22-22) have exactly one fewer win than the Yankees (23-20)."

Now we're getting to the difference between the teams.

The Mets are proud of their .500 record.

So the key to success is to set expectations really low. Then, you can never fail.


As for the game itself, a Yankee fans has seen it all year.

-- One-for-ten with RISP .... and that "hit" didn't even advance the runner. If I was an opposing pitcher, I'd just intentionally load the bases at the start of every inning.

-- The Yankees score on solo HRs and nothing else.

-- The Yankees can't score in the final three innings.

Whether or not the team is truly gutless, it's hard to say. Gutless is as gutless does.

When your team has outscored opponents by 40 runs overall, but has been outscored by 20 in the last 3 innings ... when you have one walkoff win the whole season ... when your 1-through-5 hitters can never get a sac fly ... you're gutless chokers.

If the Mets' success is pegged to the Yankees' success, then the Mets should be ashamed of themselves.

You know Brett Favre is associated with football, and football is different than baseball. You know this, right?

"Alex Rodriguez made a nice stop, but his ill-advised throw to first was wild. Teixeira made a superb play to stop the ball, as Felix Pie would have scored the game-winner if it had gotten past the first baseman.

'That's one of the highlight plays of the year for me,' A-Rod said. Asked why he attempted the throw in the first place, Rodriguez said, 'To make a play, like Brett Favre. At that point, you have to go crazy to make a play.' "

It's almost charming in a way how ARod's mind can twist any bad play into a good play.

When he got thrown out at second base trying to stretch a single into a double? It was like Ben Franklin discovering electricity. Sometimes, you've got to take a chance.

Race to the bottom.

The Mets are the hottest team in New York, huh?

Even hotter than the Yankees, who are in the midst of their longest losing streak since 2007?

That must mean the Mets are totally awesome:

"They are still tied for last place and have the look of a team that is going to be fighting .500 for the year, but nobody refused to play for Terry Collins Sunday and nobody needed tea leaves and a lie detector to sort through all the versions of the truth, the way they seem to in the Bronx."

Unless you're a Mets ticket salesman, what is the point of conveying this information? When the Mets were 5-13, did any Mets fans suddenly start rooting for the Yankees? I don't quite understand the purpose of the Lupica-esque sales pitch. Do Daily News writers have stock in the Mets, or something? A side deal with the merch vendors at Citi Field?


"For the Mets, the story is simple: they are playing tight, aggressive baseball, and they are pitching the ball and catching it, and Sunday they even had a steal of home, with Jason Pridie scoring on the front end of a double-steal with Jose Reyes in a four-run fifth inning. They are winning games with help from all sorts of unlikely sources - from Justin Turner to center fielder Pridie to Daniel Murphy, the first baseman for the next two weeks until Ike Davis returns from the disabled list."

The Mets are in last place. The Mets are under .500. So the scintillating imaginary Battle for New York is between two bad teams.

Two wild pitches, two HRs, one batter two many.

Joe Girardi doesn't understand his players as, once again, Mr. 5 2/3 can't get the last out to preserve the lead:

"Bottom 6th: Tampa Bay

- J. Jaso doubled to right

- S. Fuld homered to deep right, J. Jaso scored

- B. Zobrist lined out to right

- J. Damon struck out swinging

- E. Longoria singled

- E. Longoria to second on wild pitch

- M. Joyce singled to shallow right, E. Longoria scored

- M. Joyce to second on wild pitch

- B.J. Upton homered to deep left, M. Joyce scored

- L. Ayala relieved A.J. Burnett" Also, I appreciate the Gutless Yankees responded to the adversity in the final three innings. Nine up, nine down.

This is an insult to young players.

Though I appreciate the worldwide existential crisis caused by Jorge Posada's meltdown, I think it's unfair to the younger players on the Yankees.

A lot of young players on the Yankees stink, too.

Girardi needs some heart to go along with his brain sometimes.

"After the game — the Yankees’ fourth straight loss — Posada was visibly disturbed that Cashman had gone public without speaking with him first.

The reality is that this moment — in fact, possibly the entire Yankees season — is about metamorphosis and transition, about a team that has gotten a lot of miles out of a core of aging stars. Now it’s time to begin the painful season of transition.

Posada recoiled when someone asked point blank if he was he considering retirement. Now. He repeated his refrain that his back was tight and that he needed time to clear his head.

The Yankees have the option of docking Posada’s pay; there is no indication he is going to retire. How will Cashman handle this? And what was Girardi thinking when he unceremoniously demoted Posada."

You play Posada tonight even though is average batting right-handed is a scintillating .000. You bat him ninth, he gets a standing ovation from the fans, and probably gets a 3-RBI double.

I'm a numbers guy.

I'm not a big believer is mystique, aura, and Pinstripe Power.

But this is kind of ridiculous.

Posada is not only angry with himself, he's angry at a team that doesn't play with guts or with brains. He's angry at a manager and a GM that seemingly shrug off players who earned five rings (four-and-a-half for Posada).

Posada's .165 BA doesn't give him the moral authority to chastise talented players who don't turn double plays and who jog to first base.

You play Posada tonight because this team has to turn the corner. Girardi has to realize that pride precedes production. In this instance, you ignore the numbers. This is not strat-o-matic.

Probably the best article about the Posada situation.

"Here’s where a series of mistakes unfolded on both sides. Posada, too indignant for a long conversation, chose not to explain why he was asking out. And Girardi, who avoids confrontations, didn’t push Posada for an answer.

...

So why the need for an alibi? Because Posada and his handlers under-estimated the Yankees’ wrath. Anyone following the events on Twitter would’ve known that Hal Steinbrenner had contacted the commissioner’s office early in the evening, weighing the possible responses. At the minimum, Posada was facing a two-day fine. At worst, the Yankees were asking about voiding his contract. It was a long fall for one of the most accomplished catchers in Bomber history, a personal favorite of none other than Yogi Berra. Posada was one of the last bridges to the Joe Torre golden era – back when the Yankees were a championship-winning machine.

But his slide toward sub-mediocrity this season is only part of the problem. The fact that Posada would walk away from a war with the Red Sox would’ve been incomprehensible under Torre – or even as recently as 2009, when he was an integral part of the Yankees’ 27th World Series conquest.

That was the former Posada, tough to the point of being indestructible. But Torre never had to shepherd Posada or Derek Jeter or any of the franchise’s guardians toward the ends of their careers."

Girardi's non-confrontational style doesn't always work. Girardi's postgame press conference was quite embarrassing. For all the critiques of Torre, I'd have to think Torre would have handled this situation better than this (e.g., when Knoblauch pulled himself out of the lineup in the middle of a game).

Having said that, some baseball tenets still apply.

When .165 hitters talk, nobody listens.

Just when you thought things couldn't get worse.

For the record, I was bearish on this team when they were 17-9, though I didn't envision the dual disintegration of the #3 and #4 batters.

I doubt I'm the only one who notes the irony of Nomar discussing Jorge's self-benching.

Yankees battled and had their chances.

I wish there was a stat for cheap runs. The Yankees have allowed a lot of unearned runs, but they undoubtedly lead the league in cheap runs allowed. A walk, an error, a wild pitch, two ground outs.

Burnett gives up two hits, sure. But he walks five, two HBPs, four wild pitches, three errors, a missed double play, a missed cutoff man.

The Yankees used to be the team that took advantage of other team's mistakes.

You know he's got an edge.

Jeter.

RISP.

.143.