Mets OFer Mike Baxter is from Whitestone, which is in Queens.

"Mike Baxter, one more surprise in this surprise season for the New York Mets, comes to it all from Whitestone in Queens."

See? I told you he's from Whitestone, which is in Queens.


"He comes from there, and from the buses and trains he used to take to school, and from the ones he took to Mets games, when he was a high school kid telling himself he was riding the same subway train his guy, John Olerud, used to take to old Shea Stadium."

See? I told you he's from Whitestone, which is in Queens.



"And Mike Baxter, the Whitestone kid, the Queens kid, also comes to this moment from Archbishop Molloy ..."

See? I told you he is from Whitestone, which is in Queens.


"They have come off the bench for the Mets, out of the minor leagues. Bench guys asked to be front-line guys, and right now. Minor leaguers asked to produce like major leaguers. Baxter is just the one who comes from Queens to Citi Field, comes from Molloy, from the buses and trains he used to take to get to Shea."

See? I told you he's from Whitestone, which is in Queens.

Melky Cabrera tries hard.

"In the time since he left the Yankees, Melky Cabrera has gotten out of shape, been non-tendered, gotten into shape, played with three teams in three years and, oh yeah, become an NL MVP candidate.

It is hard to find many baseball officials who believe Cabrera has sustainability as an elite player. Nevertheless, nearly one-third into this season, he is in the MVP discussion, taking over as the Giants’ No. 3 hitter when Pablo Sandoval was injured earlier this month and carrying the team."

I wonder how many baseball officials he canvassed.


"Which leads to two questions, one looking back and one forward: Why did the Yankees move him? And is Melky Cabrera — yeah, that Melky Cabrera — about to score big in free agency?"

Maybe the Yankees moved him because he has no sustainability as an elite player.

That kind of hindsight is bogus. Lots of bad players have good seasons or good half-seasons. Ian Kennedy is back to being mediocre and nobody is paying attention.


"With the Braves, Cabrera’s excess weight curtailed his mobility and led to a .255 season and a non-tender. The Yankees actually offered Cabrera a minor league deal, but the Royals gave him a guaranteed $1.25 million and sure playing time. That offseason Cabrera worked out with Alex Rodriguez (as he has continued to do) and got into peak shape and became more serious about his game, which are the reasons most cited by scouts for his turnaround."

I really wonder why so many Yankee minor leaguers are not ready to play the game properly when they arrive in the big leagues.

The Yankees couldn't get this guy into shape and get him to try hard?

Felz Stats of the Day.

• Yankees are 3rd in the AL in batting average; 2nd in on-base%; 3rd in slugging%; 2nd in OPS; 6th in runs scored.
• Andruw Jones has 25 strikeouts in 67 at-bats.
  

I don't think it's possible for Mark Teixeira to swing harder, but he is going to try to swing harder.

“I’m putting too many balls in play instead of taking that swing to hit a home run and drive the ball,” Teixeira said. “I’ve never been someone who just wants to put the ball in play. In years past, a 1-0 or a 2-0 pitch, it’s maybe a little bit up or a little bit down, you swing and you foul it off or you swing and miss. Now I’m putting that ball in play, which (stinks).

“I go back to Kevin Long and I say, ‘Why couldn’t I just foul that ball off?’ It’s unfortunate. Baseball is such a fine line between having a good at-bat and hitting the ball hard or making an out. … While last year 39 home runs but a low batting average wasn’t good enough, I think I’d rather hit 39 home runs than 20 or 15. I think I’d rather drive in 111 runs than 80. So I’m going to be more aggressive.”

Mike Lupica gives the Steinbrenners permission to sell the Yankees.

The looming contracts of Nick Swisher and Robinson Cano combined with the 40-game surge of low payroll teams? Time to sell the Yankees and get out of the baseball business.

The entity that has grown from $9 million to $3 billion in 40 years is not looking to Mike Lupica for business advice:

"I am sitting across from George Steinbrenner in his office at the old Yankee Stadium, and nobody was calling him the old man then because he wasn’t.

He is behind a desk that in memory is as big as one of the ships he used to own at American Shipbuilding, and I am interviewing him for a piece in the old Daily News Sunday Magazine, which is gone the way the old Stadium is gone and George Steinbrenner is gone."

We know you were not interviewing Steinbrenner for a piece in the old Daily News Sunday Magazine.

You were shining Steinbrenner's shoes.


"At some point in the conversation, I ask him if he might ever think about selling his baseball team.

Owning the Yankees is like owning the Mona Lisa, he said that day, and it was something he’d said before. But then he added this: 'And once you own it, you never sell it.' "

Lupica is trying to convince the audience of his Steinbrenner bona fides.

Lupica despised Steinbrenner and, if Lupica secretly admired Steinbrenner, then Lupica's column was fraudulent for decades.


"The Yankees got bigger than ever, which is where we are with them now, at least in terms of their value."

"In terms of their value."

Yes, they got bigger in terms of their value. What else matters? What are we talking about if it's not their value?


"We constantly hear about the value of the Yankees, how there isn’t a sports team anywhere, at least in this country, as valuable. Ultimately, though, bottom line on that, it only matters if you sell."

Truly one of the dumbest utterances in a Lupica Lifetime of Dumb Utterances.

I understand that this in an illiquid asset -- an idea, an approximation, a valuation. But Mike Lupica just said that a $3 billion asset only matters if you sell it.

That's like saying a nuclear arsenal only matters if you use it to destroy cities.


"Hal Steinbrenner is a very smart guy, which means smart enough to see and know that the landscape of baseball is changing, even in his time taking his father’s place and running the Yankees. What he has to see, as clearly as anybody, is that you can no longer buy your way to the World Series. If you could, the Yankees would have been to the World Series more than twice since 2001."

I'm sure Hal will take his chances with a $200 million payroll, but he probably isn't thinking too much about the playoffs right now.

He's too busy bathing himself in a bathtub full of $1,000 bills.


"In that same time, the Cardinals have won the Series twice. So have the Red Sox, who sure can spend, just not like the Yankees can spend, because nobody in American sports can. The Rangers have been to the last two World Series spending a whole lot less on baseball players than the Yankees do."

Talk about baseball or talk about finances. You're trying to link two things that don't necessarily link. Because now you're saying the Cardinals, Bosox, and Rangers are more successful than the Yankees. If so, are the Rangers worth $4 billion?

Lupica is disproving his own hypothesis.

If the Yankees need to win the World Series in order to increase the value of the franchise ... if October failures are forcing a malaise-ridden Hal Steinbrenner to shop the team ... then how can the Yankees be worth $3 billion?


Of course the Yankees want to win. It's fun to win, for one thing. It also keeps the revenues flowing and the brand value surging. A losing team year after year would eventually hurt the income and the asset value.

However, the value of a baseball player is not really his on-base% or ERA. It's his ability to draw eyes to the TV and draw bodies to the ballpark. The fans are not there to watch a ballgame, they're there to buy merch. If you wander inside the new Yankee Stadium, you will feel the pull of the vortex gift shop and the $11 beers.

You don't judge the finances based on the team's on-field performance. You judge the finances based on the finances.

How do I know the Yankees are doing fine in their finances? The team is worth $3 billion. That's how I know.



"And when the Yankees did win the one World Series they have won since 2001, they had to spend more than $400 million — on Mark Teixeira, CC Sabathia, A.J. Burnett — to get that done."

Hooray! The Yankees won the World Series in 2001! I knew it. I knew that Brosius completed the double play and Jeter was in position to catch Gonzalez's bloop.


The Yankees didn't spend $400 million in 2009 in order to win the World Series. That money is allocated over several years. So they spent a fraction of that to win the World Series in 2009.

Besides, if you're trying to prove that you can't win a World Series title by spending a lot of money, then ... well, never mind.

Bottom line: Don't ever let Mike Lupica be your accountant.


"Hal Steinbrenner has announced that he wants the Yankee payroll to come down, and maybe it can, and the Yankees can continue to make the playoffs every year. And yet: They are only halfway through Teixeira’s contract and halfway through Alex Rodriguez’s insane contract, and they just had to extend the $160 million contract that Sabathia originally signed."

Yeah, but they own a $3 billion asset.


"The total value of the contracts that A-Rod and Teixeira have signed, one for 10 years, the other for eight years, is nearly half-a-billion dollars. So they’ve got those going for them and they know Robinson Cano is going to want to get paid and Curtis Granderson is going to want to get paid."

Yeah, but THEY OWN A $3 BILLION ASSET.


"So they are looking at the hugely expensive back-end price tags for the aging stars they have, with Cano and Granderson warming up in the bullpen. Cano turns 30 at the end of this year. Granderson is already 31. Maybe you see a pattern emerging here. Another thing? No one knows how much debt there is with the Yankees, but it is believed to be substantial."

The debts are liabilities offset by what?

A THREE-BILLION-DOLLAR ASSET. THAT'S WHAT.


Take $1,000.

Multiply that by $1,000.

Take that pile of $1,000 bills and multiply that by $1,000.

Now, triple it.


When you're done counting all this money, light a cigar and tell me how worried you are about Granderson's looming contract extension.

"Again: The Yankees may very well stay in the Steinbrenner family forever. But believe me, if the O’Malley family can sell the Dodgers, the Steinbrenner family can sell the Yankees. Or at least be allowed to have a conversation about that."

Mike Lupica gives his permission to sell the Yankees.

Mike, go get your shinebox.

Felz Stat of the Day.

Prior to today's game, Jose Reyes had 6 RBIs and a .337 slugging%.

Alex Rodriguez is Thor.

It wasn't that great of a play.

Also, ARod sounds like an idiot:

“Whooo,” he said. “Exciting play. Just a great play on everyone’s end, especially Tex to be able to keep his foot on the bag. I knew he would be hauling down the line when he hit that slider off his front foot. He’s a good runner. So, I had two choices. I could either come out and attack it with one hand, or try to get the best hop and I wanted to drop the hammer on him.”

And gas is going to be $10/gallon by Memorial Day.

At some point, it is the responsibility of the reporter to filter out impossibilities.

David Wright is not going to bat .400 for an entire season:

"The way Terry Collins sees it, if David Wright can get to the All-Star break hitting above .400, 'he could be dangerous for the rest of the year.

'Because he has the physical attributes it takes to chase that mark — strong, not only to hit the ball out of the park, but he’ll take singles, he can run, so the choppers in the hole, he can beat some of those out,' Collins added. 'There’s a lot of positives.' "

Or just stop asking managers how their players are going to perform.


"Wright is batting .403 after going 0-for-4 Tuesday and who knows if he’ll make a run at .400."

I do.

I know he will not make a run at .400, and I'm just some guy who isn't even getting paid to write about sports.

Best case, Wright will miss by 50 or 60 points. Might be good enough for a batting title and an MVP, but nowhere near .400.

Yeah, a bad #7 hitter is not a great way to jumpstart the offense.

"Teixiera’s not hitting this season. That’s a far great concern than where he’s hitting. The Yankees are still at their best with Teixeira right in the thick of things, driving in runs and performing like the elite hitter he’s supposed to be.

'I never really worry about the numbers because every year they’re there,' Teixeira said. 'At the end of the year I’ll put my stats up against any power hitter in baseball.'"

So will we, I promise you.

“ 'The biggest thing that you want out of a hitter is production,' Joe Girardi said. 'Average is important, yes, but average doesn’t always mean production. You can become a slap hitter and hit 3.10 [sic] and drive in 50 runs and hit 10 home runs and we’d all be saying, we’d probably like the other Mark Teixeira better, the one that 30 plus home runs a driving in 110 to 120 runs. So for me, the production is the important thing, not the average.' ”

Right.

The complaints about Teixeira are about both his poor batting average and his poor production.

When the Yankees signed Teixeira, they were expecting a .300 batting average and 120 RBIs.

I think it would be funny to give Bob Raissman a talk show so he could be rude to his guests.

"For Joe Girardi, the questions must seem endless. Alex Rodriguez’s power outage? Mark Teixeira’s cough and lack of pop? The pitching? Life without Mariano Rivera?"

The Yankees are 1-16 in games in which they have scored three runs or less.

Their mediocre record is representative of their mediocre play. If I was to predict the next 120 games, I'd be more worried about the starting staff than the lineup.


"Considering his history it would not be surprising if Girardi has a media meltdown should his team continue to struggle."

Mmmm-kay. I wait for Girardi's media meltdown with bated breath.


"Yet that appears to be a long way off."

Too bad.


"Girardi has shown no signs of cracking, unless you count the joke he made Sunday about his elbow cracking."

Indeed, we all remember how much Joe Girardi likes to laugh.


"A-Rod is a good place to start. During Girardi’s Sunday pregame press conference, YES’ Michael Kay asked the manager if he had any concern with Rodriguez’s lack of power (five home runs, 15 RBIs). Girardi responded A-Rod doesn’t have to hit 40 home runs to be productive. 'You can drive in a lot of runs hitting 25 to 30 home runs,' Girardi said."

Stupid question, stupid answer. What is Girardi supposed to say?


"It sure sounded like Flaherty believed what Girardi was saying. Yet with A-Rod at the plate, Kay brought up Girardi’s line about caring more about Rodriguez driving in runs than hitting home runs.

'That’s fine. But he is still back on the RBI total right now. Fifteen coming into this game,' Flaherty said. 'Well behind the pace Alex Rodriguez is used to.'

Then, as A-Rod stepped to the plate in the third, YES replayed Girardi’s pregame comments about being more concerned with his RBI totals. Then, reading from the book of Flaherty, Kay also disputed Girardi’s RBI contention."

...

Seriously, though, it was kind of strange how, after Flaherty had already made the point strongly, Kay decided to pile on, disputing Girardi’s theory the very next time Rodriguez batted.

Maybe someone at YES thinks viewers have mute-buttoned Flaherty. Or maybe the YES crew just wanted to make doubly sure its announcer’s point was heard. Wonder if Girardi heard what they had to say?"

Memorandum

To: Bob Raissman

From: Everyone who has ever watched Centerstage

Subject: Michael Kay is a bad interviewer.


I mean, Raissman seems to be criticizing Michael Kay for his inability to think on his feet or his unwillingness to get into an argument with the guest on his weekly show.

If Raismann had Kay's job, he'd learn how to bite his tongue.

2012 Yankees in a nutshell.

From tonight's lackluster loss to KC, which dropped the Yankees to .500:

"Runners left in scoring position, 2 out - D Jeter 1, R Cano 1, R Ibanez 3, M Teixeira 1, R Martin 1."

It's not really the runners left in scoring position that matters, it's how many scored.

Tonight, zero got home.

A more accurate summary of the Yankees' ineptitude would be RISP BA (for the game, for the month, for the season). That number is very low and shrinking fast. Imagine the number of seconds since the Big Bang and then take the inverse of that number.


21-21 record, tied for 4th (last) place, 5.5 games out of first, with the comforting notion of Phil Hughes taking the mound tomorrow trying to keep the team above .500.


It also puts Yankee fans in the unusual position of rooting for Boston to beat Baltimore.

I would consider a strikeout a good at-bat with RISP.

At least a strikeout is not a double play.

0-for-8 with RISP. 3 hits in last 40 at-bats with RISP. 20-18 record, 4th place, 4.5 games out.

Am I missing something?

Or does this just delay the inevitable?

Thrilling update on the Roger Clemens trial.

"The trial is in its fifth week, and the tedium cost the proceedings another member of the jury Tuesday. Juror No. 1, a supermarket cashier, became the second member of the panel to be dismissed for sleeping. Her departure leaves 14 jurors, including two alternates."

What would happen if Willie Wonka and Gloria Estefan overdosed on benzedrine while they were making love? Nine months later, you'd get this.

M.A.R.L.I.N.S.
We are the Marlins, go Fish
Everything is great in the Sunshine State
We are the Marlins, the Miami Marlins

You forgot Gary Sheffield and Jerry Hairston Jr. and Denny Neagle and Hal Morris and Todd Williams and Rondell White and Randy Velarde ...

... and F.P. Santangelo, if you want to include Spring Training Yankees.

Lupica is an outstanding after-the-fact investigative journalist:

"Does anybody in his or her right mind actually still believe Roger Clemens when he says that an assistant trainer on the Yankees — Brian McNamee — was allowed to give him B12 shots in the clubhouse?"

Most people believe Clemens knowingly took steroids in order to enhance his abilities on the baseball field. More accurately, to enhance his ability to work out, which indirectly helped his abilities on the baseball field.

Most people believe Clemens then lied about it in order to protect his reputation.


"Hey, sometimes when you look at how many ex-Yankees were in George Mitchell’s report about performance-enhancing drugs in baseball, doesn’t it make you think of the scene in 'Casablanca' where Renault says he’s shocked to find out gambling has been going on in Bogey’s establishment?"

Hey, you're a supposed baseball insider and supposed journalist who didn't say one word.

More importantly, Lupica's observation is very misleading. Kirk Radomski was the main source for the Mitchell Report. Radomski worked for the Mets in New York. Because of this, the players he listed were skewed towards New York.


"If you’re keeping score at home, here were the old Yankees in that Mitchell Report, which comes across now like a different sort of Old-Timers’ Day:

Clemens, Andy Pettitte, Mike Stanton, Chuck Knoblauch, Jason Grimsley, Jason Giambi, David Justice, Glenallen Hill, Ron Villone, Kevin Brown and, of course, Jose Canseco."

You missed quite a few players associated with the Yankees, but it brings up an important point. If a player is mentioned in the Mitchell Report, that player is not necessarily guilty.

Welcome to America with the presumption of innocence and trial by jury and whatnot.

The more players you list, the more players who are conspicuously not being pursued by federal prosecutors.

The key to happiness is meeting low expectations.

Congratulations to the Mets for almost winning ... and congratulations to Francisco for his 80% save percentage:

"Minutes after Dobbs’ hit landed and the roar from the crowd of 31,007, which seemed louder than the crowds at the Marlins’ old ballpark, died down, Terry Collins was preaching closure and talking about how proud he was of the Mets’ comeback after Santana gave up three runs in the first inning.

Francisco, who blew a save for just the second time in 10 chances, said: 'I feel bad because we lost, but personally, I know I was fighting out there and I left everything I have out there for my team and we lost. But I don’t feel bad.'

...

At least Met fans got taut baseball, if not a win."

The modern-day adventures of Nuney and Nixy.

How does one explain a defensive replacement for a utility infielder in the sixth inning? With baby-talk gibberish:

"It was a tough night for Nuney," Girardi said. "I thought I'd put Nixy in there, a more experienced guy.”

Nixy is Jayson Nix, a regular Brooks Robinson with all his experience at third base.

I can't believe what I just saw.

• Top of the first inning, Eduardo Nunez makes an error.
• Bottom of the first inning, Mark Teixeira makes an out with two outs and runners in scoring position.
• Top of the second inning, Eduardo Nunez makes an error.

I have come to the conclusion that Eduardo Nunez is not a good fielder and that Mark Teixeira is not a good batter with two outs and runners in scoring position.

You're welcome.

Joe Maddon is in your head.

I'll end the suspense ...

... one day, David Robertson will allow an earned run.

Also, one day, David Robertson will blow a save:

"He also has a column on David Robertson, who notched his first save, though he did it in the most un-Mariano way possible."

Robertson walks too many batters. He has also allowed one earned run since last July 24, 2011 while pitching in the AL East.

After Mariano's blown save on Opening Day, I distinctly remember a lot of calls for Robertson to replace Mariano as the closer.


"Just my take: Things are going to get interesting for Robertson.

By working out of a bases loaded jam last night, Robertson preserved his 100 percent strand rate this season. He's basically picked up where he left off last year when he stranded an abnormally high 90 percent of baserunners*. It's pretty impressive.

It's also pretty unsustainable."

You are right.

Just like Ron Washington was right when he said that Josh Hamilton can't hit four HRs every night.

"Whether or not Joe Girardi says it directly, Robertson is in effect stepping in for Rivera as the closer. If Robertson gives up a few runs and blows a few games in that role -- the numbers indicate there's a reasonable chance he will -- the natural inclination will be to chalk it up to Robertson not being able to handle the pressure of closing out games. Who knows? Maybe, the mental aspect actually does come into play."

Natural inclination for hack sportswriters.

This is not a serious debate.

When Mariano went down, every fan knew that Robertson was going to be the closer.

The first comment I saw on ESPN was Doug Glanville campaigning for Soriano. This sentiment was echoed shortly thereafter by Lupica. Then, many others followed suit, to the point where Soriano became the default pick, even though every Yankee fan knew the closer was going to be Robertson.

What is going on?

They are inserting an unnecessary and intentionally contrarian Pundit Layer of analysis, trying to convince you that they know more than you do.

Sure, Robertson had a 1.08 ERA last year. Sure, Robertson has a 0.00 ERA last year. Of course Robertson has allowed one HR in the past 80 innings or so. We also know that Soriano has been a bust since joining the Yankees.

But everybody knows that. Anybody can gain that knowledge just by watching the games or looking up the stats.

We're pundits. We add value by pointing out that Soriano had 45 saves for Tampa a few years ago which proves ... well, it proves that new closers can get the job done because every successful closer was new at the job before they got good at the job ... whoops ... I meant to say Soriano is more mentally prepared than Robertson.

Goodness gracious.

Of all the exciting things I've ever seen in my life.

Felz Stats of the Day.

• Through 1/6th of the season, the Orioles have allowed 91 runs and the Yankees have allowed 125 runs.
• Through 1/6th of the season, the Yankees' calculated percentage of making the playoffs is 47.3%.

If the AL East whipping boys are truly improved -- if this isn't a small-sample-size illusion -- then the Yankees might not have be able to tap into 25 or so pre-ordained victories:

"Back to 2012, the Yankees feel very much like the disjointed team their record reflects. Kuroda, their second starter, now has three good starts and three bad ones on his resume. Today, as they try to salvage a series split, the Yankees turn to Phil Hughes, who has been nothing short of awful so far this season. And who could lose his job to the returning Andy Pettitte, pitching today for Triple-A Scranton-Wilkes/Barres, as soon as next weekend.

The offense still ranks near the top of the league in runs scored (131), but the heart of the order — Rodriguez, Cano and Mark Teixeira — hasn’t scared anyone. Cano and Teixeira have been flat-out terrible, and A-Rod has one extra-base hit (an April 27 homer against Detroit) in his last 11 games.

...

Throw in the injuries to Mariano Rivera (right knee) and Joba Chamberlain (right ankle) and Michael Pineda’s right shoulder surgery creating immense organizational disappointment about the Montero trade, and you have a baseball club that’s down in the dumps, not to mention down from Tampa Bay, Baltimore and Toronto in the standings."

I think the playoff% calculation probably doesn't factor in the Yankees' deep pockets. But is that really their only solution? Wait until July and then find some better starting pitchers?

Joe Torre oddly overturns error by Eduardo Nunez.

"In an odd turn of events, Major League Baseball — Joe Torre specifically — has overturned the error charged to Eduardo Nunez on that botched fly ball on Tuesday. Its now ruled a double, giving Boone Logan a couple of earned runs. I guess its because Nunez didnt touch the ball, but still…"

Felz Stats of the Day.

• Yankees 13-12, 4.5 games out, 4th place.
• Mariano Rivera has allowed 2 HRs in 141 postseason innings.
  

I know it's early May, but I'm just keeping tabs.

The presumptive best player in New York is batting .250 with 1 HR and 4 runs batted in.

Yankees have little to lose by playing Nunez in outfield.

Except for fly balls and baseball games.


Ridiculousness in last night's Yankee game:


-- Top three Yankee hitters 7-for-12. Other Yankee hitters 0-for-22.
-- Russell Martin enters the game batting .167 and his position is designated "hitter," though Girardi tried to get an exemption and initially put in Martin as a "designated out-maker."
-- Eduardo Nunez playing LF.
-- Eduardo Nunez playing anywhere.
-- ARod with a bunt hit, a bloop single, and a pop-up with the bases loaded.
-- Nick Johnson gets his first hit in two years.
-- Brian Matusz gets his first win in 11 months.

Misremembering.

"After stumbling its way to a mistrial of Clemens last year, the government is struggling again in the retrial - to the point that the crux of Pettitte's testimony might be tossed out. First, the exasperated judge criticized the questioning of Pettitte on Wednesday, then he ruled against prosecutors in another matter. Finally he cried out: 'You're taking positions that are totally absurd to me.'

Pettitte, Clemens' longtime friend and former teammate, was on the stand for a second day in the trial that is to determine whether Clemens lied at a 2008 congressional deposition and hearing when he denied taking steroids and human growth hormone.

During cross-examination, Clemens' lawyers got exactly the answers they wanted.

Might Pettitte have misunderstood when Clemens supposedly acknowledged using human growth hormone to Pettitte in a conversation during the 1999-2000 offseason?

'I could have,' Pettitte answered.

Is it fair to say there is a '50-50' chance that Pettitte misunderstood?

'I'd say that's fair,' Pettitte replied."

Mis-memories
Light the corners of my mind
Misty, water-colored mis-memories
Of something something