Dontrelle Willis is pitching for the Long Island Ducks if the Yankees are looking for a reliable lefty starter.

Hot Dog Neck has now allowed a career-high 23 HRs this season.

But if the Dontrelle Willis signing doesn't work out, I have a solution.

1) Pay Anthony Bosch $5 million in "consulting fees."

2) CC's name magically appears on the list.

3) While we're at it, here's another $5 million for Teixeira.

4) Lifetime suspensions.

5) Insurance money.