I almost stopped in the middle of the first sentence ...

"The Yankees missed the playoffs in 2008 and immediately went out and spent around $425 million to get CC Sabathia — the way he is losing weight, he is probably just C Sabathia now —"

Did you laugh at that joke?

Did you find it humorous?

CC Sabathia is losing so much weight, his name is probably just C Sabathia.

Well, I have bad news for you. If you laughed at that, you should probably remove yourself from society.


"and A.J. Burnett and Mark Teixeira. Now they miss the playoffs in 2013, and money like A-Rod’s has come off the books and they spend nearly $475 million on new baseball players, newest being Masahiro Tanaka, greatest pitcher Yankee fans have never seen, but one they absolutely had to have or the monuments would all fall down."

Lupica doesn't understand simple finance.

The Yankees didn't actually spend $900 million in two off-seasons. They committed to spend $900 million, divided by several players, over the course of several years.

There is a big, big difference.


Also, I don't think "missing the playoffs" affects the spending patterns of the Yankees as much as he seems to think.

Even in the midst of a three-peat, was there a sudden reluctance to sign free agents? Did the Yankees become penny-pinchers in 2010?


"That is $900 million in total contracts in just two cold baseball winters, so you can only imagine what might happen next winter if somehow the Yankees, spending the way they always have, can’t win their division or get one of the two wild cards in the American League."

I can only imagine!

I think, if the Yankees miss the playoffs this year (shorthand for "can't win their division or get one of the two wild cards in the American League"), they will spend approximately $2 trillion in free agents signings in the 2014 off-season.

Bullpen alone? $400 million.

They will buy every left-handed pitcher in baseball just to get them off other teams. Send them to the minors if you have to or just pay them not to pitch in the majors.

They will sell Yankee Stadium and become a modern-day barnstorming team, intentionally splitting the games of a double-header ... and then charging extra for the tie-breaking third game. Their team will be sponsored by Chico's Bail Bonds and all the monuments will be torn down and replaced by a Bingo Long statue.