It's like forcing yourself to watch a new episode of the Simpsons.

Put the Subway Series out of its misery:

"So this was before the Mets had finally won 12-7, officially made it two in a row this season off the Yankees and six in a row going back to last season, before they had also made it official that after 38 games they have the same record as the Yankees do at 19-19.

So there was still more baseball to be played on this stupidly long baseball night at the Stadium, before Mets fans were allowed to ask this question:"

"Stupidly long."

Like a Mike Lupica article.


"If one team wins all the time, how much of a rivalry is it, really?"


This is not a rivalry.


"This was in Section 223 in the top of the sixth, a couple of Mets fans from Kearny, N.J. up there. Jose Carvalho, a 25-year-old accountant, was wearing a black David Wright jersey. His friend Alex Almeida, 22, a year away from becoming an accountant himself, was wearing his blue Wright jersey.

They both were still in high school the last time the Mets were in the playoffs. But this wasn’t the night to look back on the wreckage of the past several seasons, this was a night to revel in their team beating up the Yankees again.

'I wish we could play the Yankees all season long,' Jose Carvalho said.

'We don’t want to leave here,' Alex Almeida said. 'Please don’t make us.' "

Zing!

Must I tell the truth about this? The truth that Mets fans know in their hearts? Just how anticlimactic this has been the past two seasons? Finally winning the phony NY Crown and the prize is nothing more than a .500 team and an ocean of empty green seats at Citi Field?


"Wright got three hits and is nearly back to .300. Suddenly Granderson, who looked lost in April, is up to .205. Murphy is hitting .320. It was the Yankees who hurt themselves hitting into double plays in the second game of the Subway Series, particularly Derek Jeter in the fourth, guys on base, Yankees with a chance to get right back into it, Jeter hitting into a 1-6-3."

Gee, did Jeter really ground into a double play?

Though I must commend Lupica on his in-depth statistical research. There is plenty of evidence to support the notion that the 2014 Mets are better than the 2014 Yankees. Lupica gives us the batting averages of three players.


"They spend like drunks, and the crowd goes wild. The Mets don’t spend nearly enough to suit their fans. But for now the two teams have the same record. The Mets were supposed to be in big trouble and now have won three in a row. The Yankees are at .500 and, guess what? The last time they were at .500 last season, even with all the injuries and what felt like replacement players, was at 5-5. After 38 games they were 24-14."

The Yankees are mediocre, last year and this year.

That is why the Subway Series is lame. That is why beating the Yankees six games in a row is unsatisfying. You don't tell your grandkids about the time you managed to beat Vidal Nuno.

I don't know who's replacing Gee on the mound tomorrow, but the final two games of this series will likely have a total of one starting pitcher anyone has heard of.

The rest of the baseball world is laughing at New York's so-called rivalry.

The joke's on all of us.


I partake in the ritual. I am a fan. I hope Jose and Alex had a fun time and enjoyed themselves, though I wish the Yankees had won the game.

But let's not pretend you're really jazzed up about this. It's like beating the Lakers without Kobe.