If Ramiro Pena gets an actual run batted in, it's pretty much a miracle.

"It seems hard to remember now after all that has happened with A-Rod, but it was only 19 months ago that he chose to become a free agent and upstaged Game 4 of the 2007 World Series."

That's an odd thing to say. It's not hard to remember at all.

It's hard to remember if Todd Greene was the backup catcher before or after Chris Widger.

It's hard to remember what I ate for breakfast on August 20th, 2005.

It's very easy to remember when ARod signed his ten-year contract with the Yankees.


"Remember those 18 days, though, those plans to move on that the Yankees made? What were those plans? And would the team be better off now on the field if A-Rod had been allowed to sign with the Dodgers or Cubs or Angels or whomever? What would the Yankees look like today?"

Well, since it's so hard to remember, I believe you answered your own question.


"Best guess: Scott Rolen at third base, someone other than Jorge Posada behind the plate, and a younger, less expensive lineup and pitching staff."

Well, Scott Rolen would have been a disaster, so I'm glad we quickly cleared that up.

No idea why Scott Rolen's presence would have compelled the Yankees to reject Posada.

Also, no idea why Scott Rolen's presence would have compelled the Yankees to spend less money on a lineup and pitching staff.


"Perhaps the Yankees would have been more willing to make the Johan Santana trade and pay him like a free agent if they hadn't just dropped $330 million or so on A-Rod and Posada. And that could have led to less need to splurge on CC Sabathia and A.J. Burnett this offseason."

Kind of a weird way to look at things.

Santana was the property of the Twins. The Mets got Santana relatively cheaply, in a trade, because the Twins were not going to trade Santana to an AL rival.

So, now, after the Santana trade is completed, the Yankees don't have ARod, Posada, Sabathia, Burnett, Hughes, Cano, or Cabrera.


"The free-agent pool was shallow after Lowell, with Pedro Feliz the top third-base name. He went from San Francisco to Philadelphia. After that were second-tier options such as Mike Lamb and Morgan Ensberg, whom the Yankees did sign and then released when they realized he couldn't hit."

So ... you're pretty much proving that the Yankees are far better with ARod.


"Why would no A-Rod mean no Posada? Well, the A-Rod Decision (the one to re-sign him) begot the Posada Decision (to re-sign a 36-year-old catcher for four years) which begot the Mariano Rivera Decision (to re-sign a 38-year-old closer for three years)."

Not a particularly convincing cause-and-effect scenario.



"Rivera? He's still top-notch even if his velocity has been inconsistent after shoulder surgery."

Mariano Rivera? He's still a top-notch reliever? Thanks for the update.


"Is it all A-Rod's fault? Of course not. He still has the ability to do wondrous things on a baseball field.

But for 18 days 19 months ago, the Yankees had a chance to move on without him. Think they wish they could have a do-over?"

Well, they're 13-14 without him and currently engaged in a tie game in the ninth inning.

Their #3 hitter is 0-for-5 and their third baseman couldn't hit one over the wall if he was standing on second base.

What do you think?

Wheeee!

Unbridled by endless Alex Rodriguez drama, it's totally awesome to see the plucky youngsters try hard with the game on the line:

"Bottom 6th: NY Yankees

- R. Cano grounded out to first

- N. Swisher walked

- M. Cabrera ground rule double to deep left, N. Swisher to third

- R. Pena struck out swinging"

What, no boxing analogy?

"Mike Bloomberg is the Yankees, except he wins a lot more than they do lately."

Oh, snap!


"The mayor of New York has money and he's going to spend it and if his opponents don't like it, that's their problem, let them go make their own."

Well, the Yankees participate in revenue-sharing and also pay a payroll tax.

The Yankees also sell out stadiums on the road. So, in that way, the Yankees help their opponents make money.

Also, I don't quite see the connection between a private citizen spending money on a political campaign and a professional baseball franchise spending money on players' payroll.

I will say, however, that Obama's first 100 days are analyzed like a pitcher and, ummm, Bloomberg has shown an ability to take one on the chin.

There.

A baseball analogy and a boxing analogy.

That makes it easier for the doting public to understand my advanced political theories.

CEOs and Drug Dealers. Get it?

Is Wallace Matthews just a profoundly unhappy person? Or is this just a Harvey Pekar-esque shtick?:

"But a month into their first seasons in the Bronx, it is obvious that the Yankees have bought themselves nothing but unrealistic expectations and that Sabathia and Teixeira have signed on for nothing but the rockiest honeymoon in recent Yankees history."

Sabathia and Teixeira are being treated with kid gloves. This is because ARod is their umbrella.

As for the notion that this is a "rocky honeymoon" ... Wallace Matthews must have forgotten Hideki Irabu, Jose Contreras, Carl Pavano, Javier Vasquez, Jeff Weaver, Tony Womack, LaTroy Hawkins, Roger Clemens, Jaret Wright, Kei Igawa, Kyle Farnsworth ... the list goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on.


Tino was booed for replacing Mattingly and Giambi was booed for replacing Tino.

Girardi was booed for replacing Stanley and Posada was booed for replacing Girardi.

Yankee fans cheered sarcastically when Jaret Wright threw out his shoulder during a game. Classy.


Don't know why Wallace Matthews would forget all of these players who experienced "rocky honeymoons."

They're really not too difficult to remember, especially if you are a sportswriter who supposedly covers the New York baseball teams.


"At these prices, what else could you expect?"

They expected to be booed when they performed poorly.

They're probably surprised by the muted reaction since they heard so much about, you know, the passionate Yankee fans. The fans in Baltimore were tougher on Teixeira.

As for the notorious New York press, they are writing about ARod's bowel movements and mostly ignoring baseball altogether until ARod returns.


"Between investing nearly a half-billion dollars on three ballplayers - throw in A.J. Burnett and his five-year, $82.5-million deal - and jacking up ticket prices to the level that only drug dealers and CEOs can afford them, the Yankees have guaranteed themselves that their new ballpark will feature a decidedly hostile atmosphere on days when they underperform."

Wow. That is truly an incomprehensible, contradictory paragraph and completely ignorant of Yankee history.

Also, not funny. "CEOs and drug dealers." Like, Matthews should be ashamed that he wrote something so ignorant and unfunny.


"When you spend, and charge, the kind of money the Yankees spent and are charging this year, what level of performance must they reach to consider having gotten, and given, their money's worth?"

Well, I expect .300/35/120 for Sabathia and 18-10, 3.75 for Sabathia.

That wasn't so hard, was it? You're not mentally capable of answering your own question?


I think most Yankee fans want a Championship and are dissatisfied unless. Teixeira and Sabathia should help, and most fans understand that good players often underperform for brief periods of time.

Also, most fans understand that a high salary doesn't magically imbue baseball players with superhuman abilities. Nobody expects Sabathia to win 30 games or Teixeira to bat .400.

One playoff HR and Teixeira will be cheered wildly by the 55,000 CEOs and drug dealers at Yankee Stadium.


"One of those wins came from Phil Hughes, who wasn't even expected to be part of the team, and the other was a scramble after Andy Pettitte, expected to be a very important part, came unglued Friday night."

I can't believe this. Wallace Matthews simply has no idea what's going on in baseball in New York.

Phil Hughes wasn't even expected to be a part of the team?

Do yourself a favor and quit your job. There has to be something else you're better at. Truthfully, I think you're the only person who didn't expect Phil Hughes to be a part of the 2009 Yankees.

New York's premier baseball journalist acknowledges the existence of the Mets.

"The Mets go into their first series with the Phillies closer to the Washington Nationals, who have a worse record than anybody, than they are to first place in the NL East. Or to resembling any kind of elite team."

"Or to resembling any kind of elite team"?

That's a standalone sentence? Is there even a subject to that sentence?

For future reference, the punctuation mark you'd want to go with there is the comma.

Actually, the more I look at it, the more I realize a comma wouldn't help. It's just a terrible, redundant, useless sentence.


"Look at it another way: The Yankees at least have Mr. Fun, Alex Rodriguez, coming over the hill soon."

Look at it another way: You can't write five sentences without bringing up ARod, the best baseball player you've ever seen.


"Last Saturday the Red Sox - who spend the same amount of money on baseball players that the Mets do, the two of them would be at the top of the charts without the Steinbrenner boys spending like drunk sailors on leave - were down 6-0 to the Yankees at Fenway and came back and won. On Wednesday night the Red Sox were down 5-0 against the Indians at Progressive Field and came back and won."

Yesterday, the Red Sox got one hit and lost 13-0 to a team whose total payroll is less than Brian Rose's signing bonus.

Beckett stunk again, but I know you've still got an erection from a World Series game he pitched in 2003.

"The shortstop, Jose Reyes, sometimes seems to be on automatic pilot. Or cruise control. It seems like a long time ago that we were calling him one of the best players in the game."

"We" were calling him one of the best players in the game?

Is that the same "we" who compared Brett Gardner to Dustin Pedroia?

Reality check.

As I write this, Jon Lester's ERA is 5.59 and Joba Chamberlain's ERA is 3.43.

The most controversial and widely-criticized 3.43 ERA in the history of baseball.

Joba was actually taken to task for inducing four double plays in five innings last weekend. (Should have been six, even though that's not really possible. It's just that two of the double plays followed botched double plays.)

People must either really love strikeouts or they really insist on pushing their agendas rather than just enjoying good baseball games.

"Joba Chamberlain belongs in the bullpen because I said so."

Then, their rooting interest is warped. Rather than rooting for their team, they end up rooting for their predictions.

ARod slides and hits in simulated game.

Not much here, but it begs the question:

Which player will be the first to hit a HR this season? Alex Rodriguez or David Ortiz?

Gardner's uniform is dirty.

Batting average: .220.

On-base percentage: .254.

Slugging percentage: .271.

Rookie of the Year awards: 0.

MVPs: 0.

Now I totally see the similarities to Dustin Pedroia.

By Golly, that's a stupid thing to say.

"Though looking back, the premise for the original A-Rod comment, about how the Yankees would be better off without him, still stands: They don’t miss the constant nonsense that accompanies him and will continue to well into the next decade. Though the Yankees haven’t thrived without him, their offense hasn’t exactly suffered. Their .854 OPS ranks fourth in baseball, aided, certainly, by their juiced stadium. But still."

The Yankee offense has suffered greatly without ARod.

Because ARod's replacements have OPSes of .421, .333, and .546.

That was easy.

Number three hitter.

It's fascinating that Ortiz is still batting third. In a tie game with the bases loaded and no outs, I think there's no Red Sox player I'd rather have batting. Ortiz is likely to strike out or hit into a double play and unlikely to get an extra-base hit.

So why does Ortiz still bat third?

Solely because of his past accomplishments.

Bob Klapisch is a sellout.

I am not even going to spend too much time on Klapisch's typical "Yankees aren't as good as you thought they were," wherein he claims the weekend trip to Boston will tell you a lot about this team, but the rest of the season doesn't count too much because of the small sample size.

This is standard Klapisch stuff and not very convincing in whatever it's trying to say.


Instead, I want to transcribe a portion of an article from Yankees Magazine.

I purchased this magazine when I visited Yankee Stadium because it's part of the scorecard. Yes, I kept score, and, yes, I misspelled Albaladejo.

Anyway, while Klapisch is contributing hard-hitting journalism to the pro-Yankees rag and sucking from Steinbrenner's teat, you know what he claims? Ready for this one?

Klapisch suggests that ARod/Teixeira could combined for 100 HRs this year and that the 2009 Yankees may have the greatest infield of all time.

Flat-out embarrassing:

"But even more than a power surge, Teixeira represents the start of an infield renaissance that could make the Yankees' quarter one of the best in modern history.

Talent evaluators from both leagues say it's true: The Bombers' infield alignment, both on defense and at the plate, is incomprehensibly loaded and worthy of comparison to the best in the last 50 years.

Think about it. The Yankees now sport two Gold Glove winners -- Derek Jeter and, once he returns from his surgery, Alex Rodriguez -- on the left side, and Teixeira, who in addition to being the game's premier switch-hitting first baseman [Felz note: Even more feared than Tony Clark and Dmitri Young?], has also won two gold gloves. And finally, there's Robinson Cano, who, after a long winter of intense workouts, is ready to make good on the projections as a latter-day Rod Carew."

I know Klapisch's work, for the most part, and he damned sure hasn't spent too much time comparing Robinson Cano to Rod Carew.

Ironically, though, Klapisch spends a lot of time complaining about the soft, free agent mercenaries in the Yankee dugout.

Predictions are stupid.

Yankees lose two out of three to Boston this weekend, including one extra-inning loss.

Ransom/Pena combine for zero hits and zero RBIs.

Everyone who thought for a second that the Yankees are better off without ARod swallows their retraction rather than admit they were wrong.

Stop. Talking. About. Nineteen. Ninety. Eight.

"Memories fade. Faces change. Old ballparks close and new ones open."

Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time.


"You look up one morning and all of a sudden Derek Jeter's a 34-year-old slap hitter who can't play shortstop anymore ..."

Yes, one morning in 2007.


"And then you go to the new Yankee Stadium on a chilly Tuesday night in April to see Andy Pettitte get the win and Mariano Rivera the save against the Oakland A's, and the memories start to color themselves back in a little bit."

I think a day has not gone by in the last eleven years when the Yankee team was not unfavorably compared to the 1998 Yankees.  

I don't think anybody remembers Robin Ventura, but they're reminded of Scott Brosius every single day.


Anyway, the rest of the article is basically a stunning realization that a baseball team will benefit from contributions from its starting catcher, starting shortstop, closer, and one of its five starting pitchers.

Matthews called old Yankee Stadium "a tense, joyless cauldron."

"From a baseball standpoint, the first week of the new Yankee Stadium couldn't have gone much better, four wins in six games including yesterday's interminable 9-7 victory over the Oakland Athletics on Melky Cabrera's walk-off home run in the bottom of the 14th inning."

Today's game would be considered the best game of all time if it was a playoffs game.

Since it's a game that nobody cares about, it's "interminable" and Waldman and Sterling spent the whole time complaining about getting their delayed trip to Boston.


"But from a public relations standpoint, it hardly could have gone much worse.

Put it this way: If the first week of my marriage was as devoid of magic as the Yankees' first week in their new park, one or both of us wouldn't still be around 25 years later."

Nice. You nailed your wife really good on your Honeymoon then. Good to know.


Also, I can think of a lot of ways it could have gone worse from a public relations standpoint:

• Jeter was caught with kiddie porn.
• The ushers had murdered some of the fans and stolen their food.
• A column had collapsed, like at the old Yankee Stadium in 1998.
• Lee Mazzilli or Joel Skinner were still on the team.

"We are, and certainly, this place will still be here in 2034. Still, it makes you wonder if, when the Yankees moved across the street, they left more than just an old ballpark behind."

Lucky gal, lucky gal.


"The old Stadium was a vibrant, rowdy, sometimes dangerous but always living place where baseball was the primary language spoken."

Wrong.

I had a bleacher seat for David Wells's Perfect Game and half the people were there solely to collect their beanie babies.


"Here, it seems sterile, corporate and frighteningly devoid of buzz."

Of course it does.

We need Scott Brosius back.


"Thankfully, the blast Cabrera hit to put a merciful end to a nearly five-hour game needed no help from the wind and no explanation from an engineer or a meteorologist."

You really just don't like baseball.


"It doesn't bode well for the rest of the season, because if you're not feeling the mojo now, you probably never will. Sure, the place will sell out when the Red Sox or Mets are in the house, but for the first time in many years, get used to the place being half-full, or if the Yankees ever fall out of contention, a lot less than that."

The Stadium will never be half full, I guarantee it.

Also, I'm not sure why the second-place Yankees will fall out of contention.


This was a midday weekday game vs. Oakland in the rain.

Jeter hit a HR, Melky hit a freakin' walkoff in the 14th inning. The Yankee bullpen pitched eight scoreless innings (if you're keeping score.)

How spoiled are you? How unappreciative?


"Right now, if the Yankees were a Broadway show, these first-week returns are of the type that precede a closing notice. The show will go on here, of course, but for now at least, it looks as if the era of the daily sellout, no matter who the opponent is, who the starting pitchers are, or what the significance of the game is, are as finished as the old Stadium."

The "era" of the daily sellout, that "era" was exactly three seasons. You should call it the "ARod era."

For the 2001 season -- following the fourth title in five years -- a team with O'Neill and Tino and Brosius -- the attendance was 3.26 million.

The Yankees have already sold 3.5 million tickets this season.

Selig is not a scapegoat, but he is a profiteer.

"How convenient if Bud Selig were responsible for the steroids Alex Rodriguez stuck in his (Alex’s, not Bud’s, that would be weird) rear end."

Very good use of the English language, maestro.

Rather than parenthetically explaining dangling participles, just don't use them.


"Wouldn’t this be easy if it were Tom Hicks’ fault, him and all his owner buddies?"

In what way would "this" be easy?

Whatever "this" is.


"Or, even better, Don Fehr’s, because he impeded the commissioner’s early – and, granted, not whole-hearted – efforts for a drug-testing program."

I'm having difficulty determining what information this sentence is trying to convey.


"This" would be easy if "it" were Tom Hicks's fault. Or, even better, Don Fehr's ...

"This" would be better if "it" were Don Fehr's what? Don Fehr's fault. The subject is from the previous sentence, naturally.

You have to be a detective to figure it out.


"Then we could all agree this was about the culture and the greed and the nefarious scheme, and not about the decisions made by – what? – hundreds of players. Thousands?"

No. The decisions made by billions and billions of players.


"We could lay it at the tawny wing tips of the wealthy old men who run the game, because they, of course, let this happen. Because they got rich off it."

Well, they did let it happen and they absolutely got rich off it.

I'm not sure why this course of action is more convenient, easier, or better than blaming the players.


"As fastball velocities and home run balls decline in unison, and the greenies are swept away, and the game takes a stab at normalcy, already history’s note takers are making this a Selig problem, or at best an institutional problem, conveniently ignoring the names and résumés of an entire generation of cheaters and liars and criminals."

Are you serious?

Nobody cares about Selig and his tainted $17.5M salary.

Barry Bonds is going to trial.

ARod's cousin is front page news.

Palmeiro, Sheffield, and McGwire might not make the Hall of Fame

Everybody blames the players.


"Funny, in a game that rests its head every night on accountability – hit or miss, win or lose, we’re not holding players to the same standard when they’re sitting in their living rooms, deciding whether or not to depress the syringe plunger. Because, you know, it’s so much easier to assume it’s Bud’s fault for letting it get that far, for raising the vein."

Who isn't holding the players accountable?

You're creating fictional material for a column.

I was wondering about that ...

"Robinson’s swipes of home are widely cited as proof of his daring. But the 11 times he was caught are rarely mentioned. (One additional play ruled a caught stealing was in fact a failed squeeze.)"

Nick Swisher is a fan favorite.

Nick Swisher waves to the fans in the bleachers and seems like a cool dude. I can understand why he's being embraced.

Of course, the diehards didn't boo Swisher when Pavano struck him out for the third time. Even with the bases loaded and two outs with the game seemingly on the line in the sixth inning.

I can only conclude that Swisher's 41 Yankee at-bats had endeared Swisher to the diehards more than Chien-Ming Wang's 46 wins in the previous 2 1/2 seasons.

Because Wang got booed on Saturday.

By the diehards.

The diehards in the upper deck and the bleachers who got pushed out of their behind-home-plate box seats by the corporate types on their cell phones. The wealthy Wall Street millionaires who know nothing about baseball.

Here are some other observations I learned on Sunday from by fellow bleacher diehards:

• Jeter is hot.
• Mariano Rivera has more Cy Young Awards than any other player currently on the Yankees.
• Posada hit a "designated hitter" home run in the seventh inning.
• The Yankees were going to bat in the bottom of the ninth.
• Major League Baseball has a 20-run "mercy" rule, but it wasn't enforced on Saturday when Cleveland scored 22 runs.

"Wrist injury."

"Over a larger sample of games -- from 2007 to 2008 -- his OPS dropped almost 200 points, as he coped with a wrist injury.

It's early, of course, and there are weeks and months left for Ortiz to find his Big Papi opposite-field power stroke that made him one of the most feared hitters in baseball. But here's the part that has to concern the Red Sox: He looks as bad as his numbers indicate. Opposing talent evaluators are stunned by the regression in his bat speed, by how different a hitter he seems to be compared to what he was in his prime."

I mean, look, as far as I'm concerned, all of these players are innocent until proven guilty. I don't even care too much if they're guilty of this particular infraction.

But this is simply common sense.

The guy's career highs in Minnesota were .282/20/75.

He signs with Boston at the age of 27, right in the midst of the so-called "steroids era," and now his career highs are .332/54/148.

Mitchell Report comes out and he's right back to putting up the Minnesota numbers.


What is the function of Buster Olney?

Why pose the question if you're not even going to answer it?

.192 slugging percentage to go along with an inability to play in the field.

Without steroids, Big Papi no es bueno.

A link for Mike Lupica's deli guy.

I picked a random midweek game.

Baltimore at New York, Wednesday, May 20th at 7:00 pm.


Stubhub lists 550 selections under $30, which probably equals about 1,500 - 2,000 seats.

Quite a few of these tickets are under $15. This is because people who bought season tickets or multi-game plans are trying to dump their tickets.

You will sit in the upper deck or in the bleachers and you won't be able to get tickets to see the Red Sox or the Mets. You also won't get dugout seats for the playoffs unless you want to spend a lot of money.

These prices and seating arrangements should be acceptable to a hardcore fan like yourself.

I've attended approximately 200 baseball games and I've only spent $75 for a ticket once or twice. Puh-lenty of options below the average price.

Also, I usually skip the food. It's nasty and overpriced. You own a deli -- fill up before the game.


Oh, you'll also probably need a computer and a printer, because the tickets will be delivered via .pdf. Not like the good ol' days, I know.

Yeah, I know it was awesome the time you got Joe Pepitone's autograph. Yawn.

50 is a lot of homeruns for a season in the major leagues.

50 is not a good batting average for a season in the major leagues.

Yes, it's very engrossing.

"And here's the thing: At least for the moment, his chase of the 500-homer mark is a lot more engrossing than the rent-a-record that comes along with Gary Sheffield. One wheelhouse swing from Delgado in that first inning, and suddenly the slugger was just 30 away from that still exclusive club."

I challenge Filip Bondy to poll the next 1,000 people he meets and ask them how many HRs Carlos Delgado has.

Game 2: Amazing Yankee bullpen throws no-hitter.

If you're keeping score.

Obviously, that's why Joba needs to start.

"You want to get upset about a legitimate issue regarding Joba Chamberlain?

Then stamp your feet, pound your desk and wonder when in hell the Yankees are going to realize that the benefits of adding Joba to their starting rotation are far outweighed by the risk of removing him from their bullpen?

As ironclad evidence, I submit Monday afternoon's season-opening 10-5 loss to the Orioles."

The Yankees lost that game because the starting pitcher was terrible. Six runs in 4 1/3 innings, and he left the game with the bases loaded and one out.


"I mean, here the Yankees were Monday, having survived an awful inaugural outing by CC Sabathia to climb back into a game their were trailing 6-1 on the strength of home runs by Jorge Posada and Hideki Matsui.

With the Yankees trailing only 6-5 after seven innings, all the momentum had shifted from the home team to the visitors. There seemed to be no way the dreadful Orioles bullpen could protect that one-run lead, and no way the Yankees could fail to win that ballgame."

Right.

Actually, I was thinking there was no way the Yankees could win this ballgame. Momentum is an idea for hacks who don't have to identify a round object hurtling towards them at 95 miles per hour from 55 feet away and then try to squarely hit that round object with a cylinder.

So, Joba pitches the eighth -- presumably, a shutout inning, because his bullpen ERA is 0.00 -- and then Rivera pitches the ninth, presumably a shutout inning, because his bullpen ERA is 0.00.

(No need to be snarky; this is just a thought experiment.)

The Yankees still lose 6-5.


"Last April, Joba would have come out of the pen to pitch the eighth, and maybe the seventh, and a game that appeared lost after five innings would have looked very much like a game the Yankees were fated to win."

Doubtful that Joba would have entered a game the Yankees were losing.

Also, if it was last April, you'd see a lot of the middle of the bullpen. Because Hughes and Kennedy were in the starting rotation, soon to be replaced by Rasner and Ponson.

Who is getting the Yankees to the 8th inning? Or the 7th inning?


"That means that when the time comes for the Yankees to put the brakes on the other team's offense, retake the momentum and prepare for the predictable endgame known as Mariano Rivera ..."

The Yankees would have lost 6-5.

It was Sabathia's fault all the way.

The problem with bias.

Joel Sherman's Yankee-hating gets in the way of reasoning:

"CY YOUNG

Jon Lester, Red Sox. He had a huge innings jump last year, so that is a bit scary. But he is a strike-throwing, fearless horse with well-above-average stuff.

MVP

Evan Longoria, Rays. I see a 40-homer Gold Glover winner, and it is possible his top competition will come from teammate B.J. Upton.

...

BEST FREE-AGENT SIGNING

John Smoltz, Red Sox. This signing may not work for everyone. But once the Red Sox's bid failed on Mark Teixeira, they had plenty of cash. And for a big-market team, a one-year, $5.5 million gamble on a motivated, athletic star who also happens to be among the best big-game pitchers ever, works.

...

MANAGER OF THE YEAR

Terry Francona, Red Sox. He has a lot of moving parts in a difficult atmosphere, but always seems to have a firm grasp on his roster, and that should be even easier in his first full season without Manny Ramirez. "

Francona really shouldn't win manager of the year since he's got all the Cy Young winners and best free agent signings.

When the Red Sox win 135 games, it will primarily be because of all the great Red Sox players and not so much the manager.

I'm not going to call it McStadium ...

Because it's not funny and it's not historically accurate. I think it will catch on in the pop culture lexicon as successfully as Curse of the Bam-Boonie:

"Jeter runs out to short in this McMansion of a Stadium - call it The McStadium - the way he did for the first time as a regular across the street, in 1996, when the winning started."

That's when the Yankee winning started ... in 1996. Thanks for clearing that up. This whole time, I knew they were lying about 26 World Championships.


Just for some historical perspective, the new Yankee Stadium has 5,000 fewer seats than the previous version.

But, when Yankee Stadium opened in 1923, its capacity was 80,000, though I don't think it had anywhere near that many seats. They just sort of comfortably crammed 30,000 extra people into the urine-soaked tunnels.

The Stadium made a lot of money back then, too. Which is the purpose of the entire thing.

"Jeter's Yankees giving you 1998 and what might have been the best Yankee team of them all."

Oh, fine. The 1998 Yankees were Jeter's Yankees. I thought they were Darren Holmes's Yankees. But that's just me.

" 'We played the way you're supposed to play and won the way you're supposed to win,' he said to me once."

The next thing Jeter said was, "I take my coffee with cream and two sugars. Make it snappy, you sniveling man-child."

"It is not just Yankee fans that want things the way they used to be, on the other side of 161st St. It is Jeter, too. The Yankees will win another Series eventually, maybe even this season at McStadium. Jeter may still be at short when they do. But it won't be the way it was. The Yankees of today are the new place. They're A-Rod. Jeter was made for the place across the street."

We get it: Jeter good, ARod bad. Old Stadium good, new Stadium bad. Lupica is nothing if not predictable.

I also like how the House that Ruth Built -- the first ballpark to be called a stadium -- is somehow re-imagined, in Lupica's warped mind, as a monument to grittiness and humility.

You, sir, are stupid and out of touch.

Can you imagine being so spoiled and out of touch that you'd complain about a 2009 Yankee Championship because Alex Rodriguez is on the team and because it's in a new stadium? I know a lot of Yankee fans, and exactly zero of them would complain about a 2009 Yankee Championship.

"Aw, gee, we won the World Series. But it's not the same. Shucks."

Lupica, just give it up and openly root for the Red Sox. You know you want to.

Teaching pitching to a pitcher.

"Five down

Joba Chamberlain’s right arm.

Sorry, there’s no over-looking a decline in velocity, even in spring, from a pitcher who suffered two shoulder injuries last year. Joba’s stiff front-leg delivery could be a problem, today and in the long-term."

When Joba was coming out of the bullpen, he was expected to pitch one inning. He often threw the ball 99 MPH.

As a starting pitcher, Joba is expected to throw six innings. He will not be able to throw the ball 99 MPH for six innings. Therefore, he isn't trying to throw the ball 99 MPH.

I don't know if Joba will be a great starting pitcher. I think he will be pretty good because he seems to know what's he doing out there. I know that he has learned this particular lesson sooner than most flamethrowers.

You know, if any other pitcher took this approach, Klapisch would remind us that it's call pitching instead of throwing.

Yeah, but the lines were long at the vomitorium.

Phil Mushnick goes completely off the deep end.

Get with the program.

"Remember when the crack of a bat and the pop of a fastball into a catcher's mitt were among the purest sounds you could hope to hear on a warm spring day?"

No.


"Truth resided in their resonance: You heard them and knew, without thinking or seeing, that those producing such a glorious melody had done so through honest honing of their craft."

Incorrect.


"While fans are still flocking to baseball in record numbers, the game's credibility is gone. Whether it's as dire as Barry Bonds breaking Hank Aaron's home run record or as benign as former Yankees pitcher Jason Grimsley adding a couple miles per hour to his fastball, the prism through which we judge the game has been distorted beyond recognition."

For the record, Jason Grimsley is a former Phillie, Indian, Angel, Royal, Diamondback, and Yankee.


I actually agree that the game has been distorted beyond recognition. I was just thinking that Royce Clayton benefited from steroids, too, even if he never took them. If you played on a team with a bunch of steroid users, you might have scored 20 - 30 more runs per year. This increased your value and you got paid more money.

Selig for damn sure made a lot of money from steroids. He pockets $17.5M this year while condemning the impurity of the Steroid-Induced HR.

But, here's the thing: The sentence started with, "fans are flocking to the game in record numbers." I believe many of Selig's decisions are foolish, but the game has grown and thrived under Selig's administration.

Therefore, Phil Bondy's five-point-plan to fix the game is rather moot. He's not really trying to fix the game. He's just trying to make it more agreeable to himself.

If you are truly enamored with the innocence of a ball snapping against leather, go watch Little League games. I encourage it. It's fun.

Mark Feinsand is a sculptor and the English language is his medium.

"A.J. Burnett wasn't a member of the 2008 Yankees, yet he may have played as big a role as anybody in the Bombers' streak of 13 straight years in the postseason coming to an end.

Burnett went 3-1 with a 1.64 ERA in five starts against the Yankees, throwing eight or more innings in four of them. "

Oh.

It was those five games.

In fact, if Burnett was 0-4 instead of 3-1, the Yankees would have missed the Wild Card by three games instead of six games.

I didn't bother looking up the result of Burnett's no-decision because it wouldn't have made a difference in whether or not the Yankees' streak of 13 straight years in the postseason came to an end.


"But instead of gloating, the righthander is approaching the 2009 campaign as if he were a part of the first Yankees team to miss the playoffs since 1993."

It's probably the first team in the history of baseball that a player switched teams.


I will now list the people who were more important than A.J. Burnett in determining the success of the 2008 Yankees:

• Brian Cashman
• Anyone whose last name is Steinbrenner
• All the Yankee players
• Freddie Sez
  

Every year, for Lent, I promise to not eat any pickled eggs.

"Tejada was sentenced in U.S. District Court on Thursday to one year of probation, 100 hours of community service and a $5,000 fine for lying to Congress about handling performance-enhancing drugs."

What constitutes a violation of his probation? Lying to Congress? Or taking steroids?

Because, in the next year, he may be tempted to take steroids.

But it's highly unlikely that he'll have the opportunity to lie to Congress.

Justice is blind.

Tejada didn't hit enough HRs to be sentenced to jail.

This guy sounds more and more like Torre.

"Joe Girardi called Johnny Damon into the office this morning to get a feel for his opinion on batting second, and Damon reacted positively. Girardi said he would experiment with the idea this week, but likes Damon's ability to pull the ball and hit in situations."

"Hit in situations."

Two outs and nobody on is a situation. Bases loaded and no outs is also a situation. They're all situations.


Yeah, I know what he means. He's envisioning a hit-and-run with a lefty batter instead of a hit-and-run with a righty batter.

The difference between Jeter/Damon and Damon/Jeter will be neglibigle.

Just get on base for Teixeira and Posada, huh?

Use stubhub.

I already have tickets for three Yankee games for the 2009 season.

For one game, I got bleacher seats that were practically free.

I think it's lame and hypocritical for the Yankees to subcontract their ticket sales to online ticket scalpers. But that's what they've done after strongly moving in that direction over the past several years.

If you go to Ticketmaster, you won't find anything. So stop whining and don't go to Ticketmaster.

Short guy wins MVP.

The Yankees have a player who is also short.

That's about the only similarity I can perceive between Brett Gardner and Dustin Pedroia.


I can't read the rest of this garbage.

Because the idea that Brett Gardner will one day be an MVP candidate -- the same Brett Gardner who's battling AAA superstar Melky Cabrera for the starting CF job -- is downright stupid and disrespectful.


They're both white and try hard. We get it. That's Lupica's idea of a story.

Sleight of hand and Mike Lamb.

You and two friends stay at a hotel room and it costs $30. You each pay $10.

The hotel manager offers a refund of $5.

Since the bellhop doesn't want to pay you back in cents, he give everybody back $1: $1 for you and $1 for each of your friends. A total of $3 refunded, leaving the bellhop with a $2 "tip."

Therefore, you've each paid $9 for the hotel room, right?

$9 x 3 = $27 + $2 tip = $29.

What happened to the other dollar?


Check out this awful magic trick.

The card you picked will always disappear. It's amazing. Yawn.


You approach a fork in the road. Two sisters guard the road. One always tells the truth, one always tells a lie. You can only ask one question. What question do you ask to determine the correct path to take?

You ask, "How would your sister answer if I asked her which path to take?"

Then, you take the other path.

Think about that one and you'll get it.


Somehow, in my mind, all this trick logic relates to the ARod discussion. The unprovable idea the Yankees would be better off without ARod.

It wasn't the absence of ARod that made the '96 - '00 Yankee teams successful. It was the presence of Wells, Pettitte, Cone, El Duque, Clemens, Mariano, Jeter, Bernie, O'Neill, Posada, etc., etc., etc., etc.

Even if Scott Brosius (and Wade Boggs and Charlie Hayes) possessed some sort of magical team-first alchemy that propelled the Yankees to Championships, this is a moot point: Scott Brosius retired following the 2001 season.

When the Yankees acquired ARod, their third baseman was (supposedly) Mike Lamb.

The Yankees may have acquired a different 3b or they may have attempted to move Soriano to 3b when Cano came up ... just speculation, of course.

The only relevant discussion is whether ARod is better or worse than the alternatives.


Does anybody really think the Yankees would have won the World Series if they had kept Alfonso Soriano and Mike Lamb? Can anybody guarantee the Yankees would have won the World Series if they had kept Alfonso Soriano and Mike Lamb? Without prime time contributions from Cone, Pettitte, Clemens, Wells, and El Duque?

If you really believe that, then I've got some credit default swaps I'd like to sell you.

I have as many rings as Aaron Boone.

"Aaron Boone is a character guy. He's someone that helps create a professional environment. In the end, that will be his baseball legacy. He was a professional in every sense of the word.

...

At the same time, players like Aaron Boone will be missed in ways that can't be precisely measured. When teams win championships, they always look back at guys like Aaron Boone and understand how much they meant to the club."

Wow.

I can guarantee that no championship major league baseball team has ever looked back and said Aaron Boone meant a lot to the club.

On second thought, maybe the Florida Marlins after they beat the Yankees in 2003 because Boone couldn't get that runner home from third base in extra innings.

"Thanks goodness for Aaron Boone, a high character individual who couldn't hit a sac fly against Braden Looper."

The Yankees are better with ARod.

Not only that, ARod seems to sell a lot of magazines and newspapers.

Really, it's quite okay to love yourself. As long as you hit .300/40/120 every year.

Besides, if Ian O'Connor and other sportswriters were writing about me every day, I might feel self-important, too:

"Joe Torre's championship seasons, Alex Rodriguez once said, were best framed by the scenes of Paul O'Neill and Bernie Williams diving onto victory piles, and by the sight of Derek Jeter pumping his right fist into a charged October night.

The post-dynasty years? Rodriguez just captured those perfectly in a single magazine shot.



A-Rod is seen kissing his own buffed-out reflection in a mirror in the latest issue of Details. Remarkably enough, he struck this pose while knowing Sports Illustrated was about to drop a hammer that would leave his legacy in a million little pieces.

And there are people who still argue the Yankees are better off with him?"


The Yankees don't need better teamwork. They need better pitching.

Is ARod more narcissistic than Roger Clemens?


The Yankees won back-to-back World Series rings with Roger Clemens, God bless his mercenary li'l heart.

How can Ian O'Connor explain that?


If ARod a bigger jerk than vehicular murderer Jim Leyritz?

Jim Leyritz saved Joe Torre's career with one swing and has more clutch WS HRs than Paul O'Neill and Bernie Williams put together, that's for sure.

How can Ian O'Connor explain that?

Or does he just ignore these facts?


How does Ian O'Connor explain Chuck Knoblauch's four rings and 13-1 postseason record?

Chuck Knoblauch is a bigger winner than Derek Jeter.

Does Ian O'Connor really think Knoblauch is a greater leader than Jeter? A better personality? A more inspiring presence in the clubhouse? Or was he just lucky enough to be on Jeter's team (kind of how Jeter was just lucky to be on Mariano's team and Mariano was lucky enough to be on Pettitte's team)?

Or is it more likely that off-field goofiness has little to do with on-field baseball success?

Is it more likely that the entire industry of baseball analysis is completely fraudulent?

Every writer is tired of the stats. They're tired of on-base percentage and first-strike percentage and stolen bases. They want to know the people behind the stats.

Which is a harmless, if pointless, exercise. ARod dates Madonna, Sheffield drives a Porsche, Bernie plays guitar. Whatever.

The problem is the endless attempt to link these personality types to on-field success. It leads to the idiotic notion that ARod hurts a baseball team's overall on-field performance. The logic is completely off and easily disproved.


See, my lasting image of the Dynasty Years isn't a middle-of-the-field pileup of O'Neill, Bernie, and Jeter.

Just to shake things up, I'd put all the malcontents in a big pile in the middle of the field.

Charlie Hayes shaking hands with Wade Boggs; Pre-arrest Denny Neagle hugging Jose Canseco; Roger Clemens sharing needles (and women) with David Justice and Kenny Rogers; Cecil Fielder and Glenallen Hill badmouthing Torre.

I have as many rings as Ron Gardenhire.

When you fetishize low-budget teams, you say dumb things:

"He is the manager of the Twins, since 2002, and even though he doesn't make it to the World Series on a short payroll, his team is always a favorite to make noise in the AL Central. Last season he did better than the Yankees and came closer to the first round of the playoffs, losing a play-in game to the White Sox in Chicago."

His team didn't do better than the Yankees.

His team won fewer games in a weaker division.

Besides, according to Lupica Yankee Logic, you either win the World Series or you do not.

Saying "even though he doesn't make it to the World Series" is kind of like saying, "even though it's dark at night, it's just like day."


"The truth is that Gardenhire's Twins have been grinding that way for years, doing that on the short payroll but with a wonderful farm system, developing talent and losing talent and playing the game right, winning 90 or more games four times since '02."

Big deal.


"Somehow, though, the Twins keep producing good kids and good arms, and there are people that think that the wild card in the American League this season might be as likely to come out of the AL Central as it is the East."

"There are people." Good journalism.

I think the AL Wild Card will come out of the AL East. But I also think four out of five AL East teams will be good and it's likely that they keep beating themselves, opening the door for an 85-win team from the AL Central or the AL West.


"The money keeps coming into baseball in record numbers, and the big teams keep throwing it around pretty good, even though only two teams to win the World Series since the Yankees won in 2000 have had a payroll of more than $100 million and both of them were winning teams from Boston. Gardenhire's Twins never spend a lot and never will. Still they had their bags packed last season and were ready to go play the Rays in the division series if they could have gotten by the White Sox."

Almost winning is the same thing as winning.

I'll remember that when I put a ring on ARod's finger for almost making the World Series in 2004.

Kind of how Jason Bay gets tons of credit for almost making the World Series last season.

Because, you know, Jason Bay is not Manny Ramirez. Manny Ramirez is a cancer. The kind of World-Series-Winning cancer that brings a whole team down.

DB on the Radio.

Guy is against the Teixeira signing. His eight-year plan is to play Posada/Swisher at 1b for two years, then play Jeter at 1b for the the three years after that, and then play ARod at 1b for the three years after that.

That way, the Yankees wouldn't have had to sign Teixeira.


Says Jeter doesn't have the offensive power to play corner outfield. Which ignores the fact that 1b is also traditionally a power position, and easier to play than corner outfield.

Also ignores the fact that Teixeira is better defensively than any of these other options.

Also ignores the fact that the American League uses a designated hitter, so the Yankees could still find at-bats for the presumably decrepit veteran ballplayers.


The above suggestion was from a talk show host on WFAN, not an intoxicated caller.

Geopolitics.

"Several players on both teams said they didn't realize the game was over, including Puerto Rico's hot-hitting Ivan Rodriguez.

'I was putting on my catching equipment,' he said. 'When I walked out, I saw everyone on the field. I thought maybe somebody got hurt.' "

I was also shocked when I read the box score.

How can the U.S. play a baseball game against Puerto Rico?

Isn't Puerto Rico in the U.S.?

The gap widens.

"Rodriguez received a passing grade for the pitching portion of this mid-March tryout. He ramped up his fastball to 94 mph while striking out Kevin Youkilis for the final out and saving Venezuela’s 5-3 win over Team USA, which appeared only intermittently interested in the outcome, with both teams already having claimed a spot in the second round of the World Baseball Classic in Miami."

Yeah, I don't know what to make of all the WBC analysis. If I was a baseball writer, I think I'd find it more interesting than Spring Training. Some of the countries are totally into it. Nobody I know pays any attention to it.

I think a Mets fan would have passing interest in Rodriguez's performance. But it's something to care about.


"Less impressive was his postgame performance. In a setting that is all about growing the game’s popularity globally, which presumably means the players understand their roles as ambassadors, Rodriguez told the Venezuelan media representative that he would not speak to reporters, the same posture he has maintained since Venezuela began playing exhibitions in Florida last week. English-language media, media from his own country, Japanese media – K-Rod was determined to pitch a shutout.

What should have been a feel-good story about Venezuela and K-Rod slowly was taking on a different cast – that the Mets had traded not only for a Putz (J.J.) this winter but also a putz."

So you're calling a grown man a putz because he doesn't want to talk to you and give you a "feel-good" story.

Yet, you still wrote a story about him, though a somewhat pointless story ... about how a baseball player didn't want to speak to you.

The Mets only want a pitcher who pitches well, as do their fans. The players are not hired for their eloquence. Maybe Rodriguez is just taciturn.

Another writer who simply doesn't see the game the way a fan sees the game.

I'm also wondering what Rodriguez's postgame interview is going to say to help grow the game globally. Boring answers to stupid questions is going to help grow the game in Japan? Really? Is that how it works?

Really bad things might happen to the Yankees.

What a shame that another writer is acting like ARod's hip is the end of the world when Chuck Daly has pancreatic cancer:

"The good news for Alex Rodriguez, who was due for some, is that the first of the surgeries on his hip was classified a success by his doctors. The even better news for Rodriguez, at least for the time being, is that he has now managed to change the subject, from steroids and Cousin Yuri to his rehab."

ARod's injury is not bad news for ARod.

ARod is paid $27.5 million to ride an exercise bike.

ARod's injury, however, is bad news for the Yankees.


"Yankee fans, whether they are A-Rod fans or not, have a right to wonder not only what kind of A-Rod they get this year, but the next eight after that, especially in light of the amazingly high standards the guy has already set. And they have been amazingly high standards, at least in the regular season."

Shut up, you fraud.

You've written one hundred articles claiming that ARod should move to CF and that he only hits HRs in April.

Now, all of a sudden, because the Yankees will need to play without ARod, Lupica concedes that ARod sets "amazingly high standards."

Funny, because you never seemed to be too amazed until just now.


"You can see: It is no easy thing, or sure thing, to maintain your home run game as you get older. Ted Williams, the greatest pure hitter of them all, hit 197 home runs after he was 33 years old and change. Reggie Jackson only got to 194."

Was Ted Williams a greater pure hitter than Ty Cobb? Or Tony Gwynn? Or Wade Boggs? Or Rogers Hornsby?

Put it this way: When Mike Lupica states a baseball fact, you can bet he doesn't know what he's talking about.

Lupica probably knows who ARod is dating at the moment, though.


Also, why the fixation with the HR?

I know the Yankees built dopey incentive clauses into their contract for ARod's individual HR exploits -- and I know that people like Lupica assumed ARod would hit 800 HRs, or even 1,000.

But injuries are always a possibility with any ballplayer, any age, regardless of talent or contract size.

Will the next five seaons be as good as the last five? They probably will.

.300/40/120, year in and year out. But I'll trade 10 HRs for 20 doubles; I'll trade 10 HRs for 40 less strikeouts. If ARod loses power, maybe he can hit .320 with 100 walks, 40 doubles, 120 RBIs, and 120 runs scored -- in other words, the best player in baseball.

Won't matter, though.

Lupica will never admit he was wrong.

Lupica has been predicting the demise of Mariano Rivera for twelve straight years.

The Red Sox are good.

"One team tried to solve its problems with $423 million worth of free agents. The other team brought in a bunch of guys who spent about 423 million days in the trainer's room."

It's Red Sox vs. Yankees. A novel approach by a baseball writer, for sure.

Let's not mention the team that won the AL East in 2008.


"But as we sit here now, less than a month from Opening Day -- and less than 72 hours away from the first Red Sox-Yankees game of 2009 (Grapefruit League edition) -- we're not sure the American League East looks the way many people think it looks."

"Many people" is vague enough to make that statement indisputable.

I'd say the Red Sox are probably the favorites to win the AL East in 2009.

The Yankees didn't make the playoffs last season and haven't won the division the past two seasons. They lost a 20-game winner and you-know-who is on the DL.

I checked out Vegas odds from a month ago, and they had the Yankees at 96 wins (I wish) and the Red Sox at 94.5. Of course, that was before ARod's injury.

So, even though the Red Sox Underdog story is irresistible, it's not valid in the least.


"The four free agents they imported -- John Smoltz, Brad Penny, Takashi Saito and Rocco Baldelli -- cost this team 4 million fewer guaranteed dollars ($12.5 million total) than the Yankees will pay Burnett alone this year."

Frankly, I wouldn't expect much from any of the players the Red Sox acquired.


"So let's do the math. Smoltz, Josh Beckett and Daisuke Matsuzaka are 25-7. Add in Jon Lester and Penny, and the five of them are a combined 30-11.

Record of the Yankees' group: 17-15. But Burnett and Joba Chamberlain have never started a postseason game. Sabathia's postseason ERA is a scary 7.92. And Andy Pettitte's last postseason win was four years (and five starts) ago."

Cool.

Stark doesn't like the Yankees' off-season acquisitions, but he's already put the Yankees in the playoffs.

I'll take it.


" 'Smoltz is the key, for me,' said one scout. 'I'd be very confident throwing John Smoltz in Game 1 right now, because I know he'll find a way. His pain tolerance is phenomenal. And you know he's got something to prove.' "

Alrighty, but you just dismissed Pettitte's recent playoff record, while Smoltz only has one playoff start in the past ten years.

Well done, sir.

"Those Yankee championship teams are the exact opposite of wine, they've gotten worse with age. Somehow very good teams loaded with standout offensive players have been reduced to a bunch of guys who hit .220 but bunted really well. The numbers don't bare that out, nor does the idea that it was all about team when the Yankees employed guys like David Wells and Roger Clemens. Time has done strange things to people's memories of those teams and the staggering amount of talent they employed."

I think it's "bear that out."

But I won't hassle you about one little misspelled word.

Because I like you.

Cody Ransom has no rings.

I read one comment by an 18-year-old who said the Yankees from "back in the days" [sic?] played better as a team. This person was six years old when Hayes caught the pop up.

It's so illogical and ignorant that it truly makes me worried for the future of our country.

Separate the idea that you don't like ARod from the conclusion that he's a bad baseball player.


If the Yankees are so bad with ARod, then why are they so good with ARod? The Yankees have made the playoffs four out of five seasons, their worst season was 89 wins, and they've averaged 95 wins.

No, they haven't won the World Series. Get over it, you spoiled fair-weather fans and go root for the Mets:

"All right, world, you have your chance now.

For the next six to nine weeks, you'll get to see what life is like without Alex Rodriguez. You'll view the mighty, regal Yankees, rid of their "albatross."

You'll look at Mr. Perfect, Derek Jeter, liberated from the cumbersome task of playing alongside one of the greatest players in baseball history.

Based on what people have been saying out there, I'm betting the Yankees go 35-1 while A-Rod rehabilitates from arthroscopic surgery.

Well, maybe 34-2. Because, you know, the Yankees are shooting themselves in the foot by not making Joba Chamberlain their setup man.

...

Somehow, the belief is now pervading that the Yankees will be better off without A-Rod: That he costs as much in anguish and headaches as he pays in home runs and walks.

I don't get it. It doesn't make sense on any level, and the only evidence used to back it up - that the Yankees haven't reached a World Series since they acquired A-Rod - could also be deployed to prove that A-Rod's a heck of a player, but he ain't no Clay Bellinger."

Teixeira has no rings. Sabathia has no rings. Matsui has no rings.

I think five players on the Yankees have rings (Jeter, Rivera, Posada, Pettitte, Damon). I might be missing someone. I might be missing someone obvious. But I don't feel like researching it.

Point being, all the people who want the Yankees to get rid of ringless ARod should realize their criteria would require gutting the entire team.


As for the notion that the Yankees are better off without selfish sluggers, I did a little bit of exciting research:

The Phillies won the World Series in 2008 despite the burden of Ryan Howard's 48 HRs.

The Cardinals won the Word Series in 2006 despite the burden of Albert Pujols's 49 HRs.

The White Sox won the World Series in 2005 despite the burden of Paul Konerko's 40 HRs.

The Red Sox improbably won the World Series in 2004 despite the overwhelming burden of two players with 40 HRs: Manny Ramirez had 43 HRs and David Ortiz had 41 HRs. Makes me wonder how Bill Mueller even got out of bed in the morning.


As for the Yankees, they managed to win the World Series sometimes with players such as Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, Mickey Mantle, and Roger Maris.

Chuck Daly envisioned through the prism of Alex Rodriguez.

Mike Lupica almost got through an entire topic without mentioning ARod. But he couldn't quite do it.

Two pages about Chuck Daly and, right at the end, Lupica somehow weaves ARod into the story:

"Now comes this news about a bad kind of cancer, at the end of a week when a baseball player's bad hip was treated like the first sign of the end of the world."

Well, gee. Who would do something like that?:

"Let me just say this about the way last week's '24' ended: If Jack Bauer can get the President out of this one, maybe he's the one who should be doing crisis management for A-Rod.

...

Sometimes you wonder if Charles Barkley thinks he has a drinking problem or just a getting-caught problem.

Which would make him somewhat like A-Rod in that regard."

Let's play word association with Mike Lupica:

What's the first thing you think of when I say "Chuck Daly"? "ARod."

What's the first thing you think of when I say "Television"? "ARod."

What's the first thing you think of when I say "Charles Barkley"? "ARod."


"By the way? It was nice to see that even with a sore hip, Alex Rodriguez had time to turn his daughters into one more photo op this week."

You know, Chuck Daly has pancreatic cancer, and it's really a shame that you keep bringing up ARod's hip.

No rooting in the press box.

"I hope David Wright is MVP this season."

Mike Lupica is a sportswriter for a New York newspaper.

Two-thirds of his readers are Yankee fans.

Mike Lupica inexplicably identifies himself as a Yankee fan. (You know, a disgruntled Yankee fan pining for the Glory Days.)

The obvious truth is that Lupica simply loathes the Yankees. Which, I guess, is fine in and of itself. But a sports journalist for a New York newspaper ought to serve his constituency better than this.

Imagine, for a moment, if the Yankees and the Mets meet in the 2009 World Series. It's Game Seven, tie game in the eighth inning, Wright vs. Rivera with the game on the line.

Lupica is actually rooting for Wright to get a hit?

This has been going on for a long time, of course. The Mets, the team with the highest payroll in the entire NL, are scripted as scrappy underdogs.

It partially explains why the deficiencies in Wright's game (.243 batting avg. with RISP in 2008; 20 errors per year) are largely ignored.

Mostly, though, it undermines Lupica's own credibility. You're rooting for Wright. You're hoping Wright does well.

That's lame, fanboy. You're distorting.

The numskull follow-up.

"The Yankees need to schedule Alex Rodriguez for surgery, and they need to do it yesterday. They are positively mad if they let their $305 million man take one more spring training cut, if they let him keep shooting from his frayed and failing hip.

Time to shut it down, fix the hip and plan for a repaired and refreshed Rodriguez to return after the All-Star break."

I totally agree.

But I didn't write a bizarro article two days ago claiming the Yankees would be better off without ARod.

I mean, why would the Yankees want ARod to come back after the All-Star break? They'll have Cody Ransom and reliable pitchers.


"Before his replacement, Cody Ransom, looked like Pete Rose in the Yankees' victory over Detroit on Friday night, Rodriguez completed another series of tests in Vail. This was about the same time Girardi revealed that a bad day at Dr. Marc Philippon's office could inspire A-Rod to elect immediate surgery."

"Looked like Pete Rose," as in hustling? Or "looked like Pete Rose," as in illegally gambling on baseball games?


You know, I understand that journalistic objectivity is an illusory concept, and I also understand that Ian O'Connor hardly aspires to journalistic standards in the first place.

But it's still unseemly to root so hard. You just compared Cody Ransom (46 hits) to Pete Rose (4,256 hits).

What's the endless fascination with role players, anyway? The idea that Scott Brosius's selfless teamwork drove the team to Championships.

You people don't even know from role players.

Dale Berra was definitely not a superstar. Eric Soderholm was definitely not a superstar. Dagoberto "Bert" Campaneris was definitely not a superstar. Lenn Sakata was definitely not a superstar. Toby Harrah was definitely not a superstar.

If you get enough role players like that, you won't win the World Series.

Reference the Yankees from 1979 through 1995 for some other choice role players.


"The Yankees need to trade their conservative approach for the aggressive one as quickly and easily as they traded Aaron Boone for A-Rod."

The Yankees traded Soriano for ARod.

Keep up the good work, though.

You're a journalist. Yes, you are.

You're on record, pal.

If the 1998 Yankees had ARod at third base instead of Brosius, then they'd have been even better:

"Why? Because an extended A-Rod absence would swing open a door of delicious opportunity, that’s why.

The Yankees could go back to being the Yankees. They could go back to being the team that won four championships in five years with reliable pitching and a harmonious band of position players that didn’t need a slugger whose favorite teammates are Me, Myself and I."

So ... the absence of a superstar third baseman will make the pitching staff more reliable?

How does that work?


Despite the comments by Tino Martinez (and just about everybody else), the '98 - '00 Yankees were filled with stars, especially on the pitching staff.

I understand that nobody hit 50 HRs, but the teams cumulatively hit 200 HRs. Lots and lots of very good players.

They weren't a bunch of Cody Ransoms.


"Seattle won 116 games the season after Rodriguez took $252 million to play for the Texas Rangers, who managed three consecutive last-place finishes despite the steroid-fueled rockets launched from A-Rod’s bat."

1) In Texas, it was the pitching staff's fault, you numskull.

2) In 2001, Seattle added selfish superstars like AL MVP Ichiro. They had a team ERA of 3.54. That is how they were able to win 116 regular season games.

3) In 2001, freed from the selfishness of ARod, Seattle lost in the playoffs. So, Ichiro is a choker.

4) Seattle won 61 games last year without ARod.


"But facts are facts: The Yankees haven’t reached the World Series in Rodriguez’s five seasons, and they reached six in the eight seasons before he arrived.

Coincidence, or guilty as charged?"

Ha ha. "Facts are facts." I suppose that's true. But interpretation of facts is your job and, I must say, you're pretty damned awful at your job.


Why did the Yankees lose in the playoffs recently? Is it perhaps a lack of "reliable pitching"?

Hmmm ... let's stop fixating on ARod for five minutes and examine some facts ...

• Chien-Ming Wang's 19.06 ERA in the 2007 ALDS.
• Randy Johnson's 10 earned runs in 2 early-exit starts.
• Big Game Kevin Brown.
• Joba blowing the lead in Cleveland.
• Mussina lasting 2 2/3 in the deciding Game Five of the 2005 ALDS.
• Etc., etc., etc.
  

Starting Pitching Depth is the most important component of a winning baseball team. Duh.

Hopefully, the words "2009 Yankees" will never be used in the same sentence as: Sidney Ponson, Darrell Rasner, Jeff Karstens, Matt DeSalvo, and Dan Giese.

With or without ARod, the cumulative efforts of Joba, Wang, Pettitte, Sabathia, and Burnett will decide whether or not the 2009 Yankees win a lot of games.

I shouldn't have to mention this because it's so fundamentally obvious, but maybe I should, since the entire world of sports journalism is ignoring Joba and Wang and focusing on you-know-who.

Pitching's not ARod's job. He's the third baseman.

If the Yankees are better in 2009 than they were in 2008, it will not be attributable to ARod's absence. It will be attributable to the additions of Posada, Joba, Wang, Teixeira, Sabathia, and Burnett. Duh.


We get it, Ian O'Connor: You don't like ARod. You foolishly assign some mystical attributes to Scott Brosius (.245 playoff BA) and Tino Martinez (.233 playoff BA).

But now you're on record. You really think the Yankees will be better with Cody Ransom at third base. You can't take it back if ARod misses the season, Ransom hits .215, and the Yankees win 79 games.

It's a "delicious opportunity," alright. A "delicious opportunity" for the Orioles to finish the season with a better record than the Yankees.

The Yankees were 21-29 at the time and tied for last.

This is supposedly a dumb thing that ARod said:

"8. 'Mine!' - May 30, 2007 Like a regular-season version of his 'slap' play against the Red Sox in the 2004 ALCS, A-Rod yells at Toronto Blue Jays third baseman Howie Clark on a popup, leading him to boot the ball. The Yankees are up by five runs in the ninth inning at that point. 'I just said, "Ha!" ... that's it,' says a defiant A-Rod after the game."

So many things:

1) This was not a dumb thing to say, it was a smart thing to say.

2) You got the quote wrong, but ARod should have said, "Mine! I got it! Get out of the way, Blue Jays scrub third baseman ... I'm pretending to be your teammate and I shall catch the popup."

3) The Yankees were not up five five runs in the ninth inning at that point. They were up by two runs in the ninth inning and ARod's smart play opened the door for three more runs.

4) Even if the Yankees were up by five runs at the ninth inning, it's still a good play. Even if the Yankees were up by twenty runs in the ninth inning, your job is to try to go up by twenty-one.


The Yankees were in last place as the season closed in on the 1/3rd mark.

The Yankees won 11 out of their next 13 and eventually made the playoffs.

If Jason Varitek had made the same play, Matt Marrone would say that it motivated his team into the playoffs.

Oh, and any professional baseball player who is too "classy" to make a play like that should refund his paycheck.

Out of curiosity, who would play third base?

Wilson Betemit?:

"The way things have gone lately for Rodriguez, you'd have to think the Yankees would probably have preferred Hank spend that $275 million a little differently. Like, say, on vintage turtlenecks and blazers for his dad. Or cigarettes. Or land under the Brooklyn Bridge.

But he didn't. So Rodriguez and his steroid use and poker playing and infidelity and propensity to put his foot in his mouth are the Yankees' problem for the foreseeable future, all of which would have been tolerable enough so long as he continued to be the greatest player in the game."

Well, Albert Pujols is the best player, but even Pujols couldn't play third base.

Neither do turtlenecks, cigarettes, yuck, yuck, yuck.

"That isn't necessarily the case anymore. This hip injury not only puts Rodriguez's season - and, at the risk of being overly dramatic, career - in murkier territory, it also locks the Yankees organization into an elaborate holding pattern predicated on whether or not their third baseman will or will not need an operation before next winter."

Golly.

ARod's entire career is in jeapordy.


"This is a real baseball issue. The Yankees cannot go out and get a new third baseman right now because what if Rodriguez makes it through? What if he's able to play? Are they going to trade for Chone Figgins and then keep him on the bench? Make a smaller deal? Shift players around? It's difficult to shop for something you don't know you actually need."

Well, yeah, injuries are bad, especially when they take down great players.

The reason it's so difficult to replace ARod is because he's , you know, a great player.

So ... have you seen what $27.5 M buys in baseball nowadays? Oliver Perez and Adrian Beltre. You can get a .500 pitcher and 75 RBIs from a corner infielder.

Uh oh.

Everybody knows this is a bad idea. Get the surgery and help the team in four months. This 50% ARod is going to be bad.

Lupica kicks it with the Jo Bros.

"There has never been a month in Yankee history like this, at least without them winning something."

I have no idea what information that sentence is attempting to convey.


"But now comes this story about A-Rod and a cyst and a torn labrum and what the best possible course of treatment might be. And you have to say it is a possibility that if things don't go well, the Yankees could lose Rodriguez for an awful lot of this season and maybe even all of it."

Whom would you write about?


"No, this time it was Brother Joe making himself part of the story. Is this a fun family, or what? You think the Jonas Brothers kick it like this?"

"Kick it."

I don't really know how the Jonas Brothers "kick it." I usually listen to the All Grown Up Big Boy music.

Good cultural reference, though, along with the 1995 lingo. Keep it real 24/7. Next week, can you drop a neat-o reference to "The Watchmen"?


"Of course this is not so much fun for the Yankees, who probably spent a few hours Thursday imagining a pinstriped world the way it used to be, which means without Alex Rodriguez dominating everything except pitchers running laps in the outfield."

Huh?

Dominating everything except pitchers running laps in the outfield?

Why would "the Yankees" (whoever that is) wistfully imagine a world without Alex Rodriguez dominating everything?


"Of course they were caught off-guard. This is Alex Rodriguez we are talking about, which means an accident waiting to happen once you move him out of the batter's box or away from third base. This time it is the kind of accident that is a part of sports: An injury. The kind of injury, in the spring or any other time, that can change everything for a team."

I don't really know why anybody is talking to ARod's brother, or quoting ARod's brother, or writing stories about ARod's brother. The information acquired from talking to ARod's brother seems to be questionable.

But this is the most common thing in sports: A player gets an injury and nobody knows how serious it is.

The Mets were caught off-guard by Johan Santana's shoulder and nobody knows if he'll make Opening Day. The pitching coach says no way, Santana says yes way. It's a possibility he's out for the season and this can change everything for the team.

ARod is a self-centered moron who says a lot of dumb things.

A torn labrum, however, is not really his fault.

Yes, injuries are good.

There is no way to parody Jeff Passan.

I anticipated this kind of response, but I was not being serious:

"His teammates are shedding crocodile tears because Alex Rodriguez, steroids or not, is one of the best baseball players in the world, and his greatness breeds insincerity. Don’t let them fool you. The torn labrum in A-Rod’s right hip that will sideline him for the near future is the best thing that could have happened to the New York Yankees, the Dominican Republic’s World Baseball Classic team and especially Rodriguez, who needs a vacation – and from whom baseball needs one, too."

If you need a vacation from him, then why are you talking about him again?

It's very easy to take a self-imposed vacation from Alex Rodriguez.

You just do nothing.


"As if Rodriguez’s hip were the only carbon-based form to recognize the situation’s frivolity, it gifted him – and us – a reprieve."

Huh?

His hip recognized the situation's frivolity and then decided to have a cyst?


"In that time, everyone around the sport has weighed in with an opinion on Rodriguez. Aside from those obligated to support him – teammates and the players’ union – there is a consensus: No matter the transcendence of his talent, the burden Rodriguez places on the Yankees is like uranium – toxic, radioactive and heavy."

Truly incomprehensible.

I think the consensus is that every team would prefer ARod to their third baseman. If they don't, then they don't like winning and they are whiny losers.


"Certainly they’ll miss his bat if he isn’t healthy by April 6 or opts for surgery."

Ya think?


"Rodriguez remains one of the game’s great players, and the difference between him and Cody Ransom – the 33-year-old career minor leaguer who replaces A-Rod, barring a trade – is like tasting Coke and then switching to diet."

It's more like replacing a great baseball player with a bad baseball player; replacing hits with outs, runs with nothing, wins with losses.


Thanks for the insight, though, Mr. Baseball Writer.

You figured out all by yourself that Cody Ransom is not as good at playing baseball as Alex Rodriguez.

Get somebody who's clutchy clutch clutch.

"If Alex Rodriguez ends up having to have surgery to correct the torn labrum in his hip, he'll miss four months. And if that happens, the Yankees will have a huge hole at third base."

That's weird.

I thought ARod's negatives outweighed his positives.

Without ARod, the rest of the team will be freed from distractions and they'll soar into first place.

Perot 2012.

"The trendy thing to do among skeptics, cynics and statistical analysts is to diminish who Derek Jeter is, what Jeter is, what he brings to the ballpark every day. His range has shrunk. He is neither slugger nor perennial batting champion. Since signing his $189 million contract, he hasn't even been a part of a World Series winner."

All of these criticism are certainly true.


I will now list the things as trendy as criticizing Derek Jeter:

1. Rotary phones.

2. Tamagotchi.

3. Investing in AIG.

I know exactly why.

"The first reaction from a lot of people regarding Alex Rodriguez' non-diss diss of Derek Jeter and Johnny Damon is, funny as it sounds, Alex-being-Alex. But once in a while don't you have to wonder why almost none of the other players in baseball gets into pickles for saying stuff like this?"

Because you don't pay attention to what other baseball players say. That's exactly why. Because you LOVE observing him, talking about him, writing about him.


Four people were recently in a boating accident.

Do you know who they were?

1) The non-NFL player who was miraculously rescued.

2) The non-NFL player who's presumably dead ... also known as "that other guy."

3) An NFL player.

4) Another NFL player.

Not even well-known NFL players, but, still: They're important because they're NFL players.

I'm surprised they didn't just throw the survivor back into the ocean. It was such a waste of resources that could have been spent finding important people.

Jose Reyes is better than Derek Jeter and Johnny Damon.

I wish Jose Reyes was on the Yankees.

Aaron hit 40 more HRs than Ruth, but it required 4,000 more at-bats.

I only bring it up because I don't know why it's suddenly so important to preserve Aaron's HR record:

"Whether or not you are a Barry Bonds fan, or consider him to be just a step above a seal-clubbing, pitbull-fighting bank executive, every person of good conscience should be aghast at the way the Justice Department has gone about its business. Barry Bonds, Greg Anderson and maybe thousands of others have had their rights trampled on, all for the glory of a perjury case that looks to be going absolutely nowhere. Attorney General Eric Holder and President Obama have strongly indicated that the government is getting out of the steroid monitoring business. That is welcome, but after so many years, so many tax dollars and so many reputations destroyed, it all feels positively Pyrrhic."

They were saying "Lou."

"Just when you think Alex Rodriguez has figured out how to turn around this public relations' nightmare, he does something ridiculous."

Everyone in the country stand up.

If you thought Alex Rodriguez had figured out how to turn around this PR nightmare, you can sit down.

That's what I thought.

What did Alex Rodriguez do in the past ... oh, the past ten years ... that made anybody think he had figured out how to turn around this PR nightmare?


"After Rodriguez won over some of the crowd and said all the right things during an interview session, he climbed into a burgundy SUV."

He sounded like an idiot.

I truly think ARod may be mentally deficient. He looks sharp and polished and I think that's why it doesn't fit.

Like, I heard him say the other day that he was comfortable batting fourth because he'd batted fourth for the past five years in New York. That's untrue. I don't mean the playoffs where he batted 8th. I mean 2004, when Torre batted him second.


"As A-Rod approached the vehicle the passenger side window went down and Yuri Sucart was the man behind the wheel."

Nice.


"His first time at the plate the boos were 60-40, 50-50 second time and by the third time more fans were cheering than jeering.

But after this dimwitted Rodriguez move, who knows what the reaction will be tomorrow."

Oh, for crying out loud.

George A. King III is actually attempting to count the number of boos in the stands.

If ARod had only had ten more at-bats, then about 150% of the fans in the stands would have been cheering for him.

I promise you, George A. King III, nobody's perception of Alex Rodriguez has changed because he got into a minivan with his cousin.

I know precisely what the reaction will be tomorrow. Half boos and half cheers.

I hope that shirt is officially licensed merchandise.

Wouldn't want the FBI to track you down:

"Rodriguez walked in his first at-bat, and after he popped up a ball into foul territory on a 2-1 pitch in the fourth, a fan shouted, 'That was a steroid-induced foul ball!' "

Good one!

"A-Rod wasn't fazed by the fan, as he crushed the next pitch over the wall in left-center for his first home run of the spring."

Maybe ARod was fazed by the fan. He was clearly unfazed by the next pitch by the Spring Training Pitcher for the Toronto Blue Jays.


Villains generate more revenue than heroes.

When is the last time anybody paid attention to a NYY/Toronto Spring Training game?

Breaking News.

Alex Rodriguez hit a homerun in a Spring Training game.

Breaking News.

Alex Rodriguez walked in a Spring Training game.

I really think most baseball writers simply don't like baseball.

"The next great baseball moment probably will come late in the 2013 season, when Alex Rodriguez hits home run No. 763 and is greeted at home plate, one cheater to another, by Barry Bonds."

The next great baseball moment will come Opening Day.

Not because it's Opening Day, crack of the bat, rebirth of Spring, green grass, blah blah blah.

But simply because there will be a situation with a tie game, two on, two out, seventh inning, 2-2 pitch. What pitch does the pitcher throw, Wallace Matthews? The #3 batter is on deck and the guy at the plate is 0-for-2 with a walk. What pitch does the pitcher throw? The tension is overwhelming. The entire game is probably decided on the outcome of this at-bat and the outcome of this at-bat is decided on the next pitch.

Or maybe somebody turns a sweet 3-6-3 dp.

Great, great baseball moment.


"Best of all, probably, would be if Bonds had to witness A-Rod's historic moment on a special closed-circuit hookup in his jail cell as he serves his stretch for perjury."

That would be best for everyone.

The DJIA fell another two-fitty today and nobody knows where Osama bin Laden is, but we should spend $500k to put Barry Bonds in jail.

Worst of all, Wallace Matthews is so fixated on homeruns, that he doesn't even care about MLB's other perjurers.


"In the week since I spoke with Bud Selig, I have thought long and hard about what the Omissioner can do to right the dreadful wrong he, his players and the players association have committed upon baseball.

After much contemplation, I came up with the answer.

Nothing."

Wow. That seriously required much contemplation? Are you mentally deficient?


I got a riddle for the asterisk crowd.

Let's say Clemens (on steroids) gave up a HR to Chipper Jones (assuming Chipper was on steroids): Does the HR count? Who gets the asterisk? Chipper for hitting the HR? Or does Clemens then get an asterisk if he strikes out Chipper in the next at-bat?

What about singles, doubles, triples, sac flies, and walks?

Why is it that only HRs get asterisks?

I don't mean to mock Matthews's pain, but it's quite clear that Bonds's .600+ on-base% in 2004 was aided by steroids. Where's the love for Ted Williams's single-season on-base% record? Nobody wants an asterisk next to 232 bases on balls?

I mean, you all claim to be Guardians of the Game and whatnot, but you only seem to know about 61, 714, and 755.

Matthews is going to miss a lot of entertaining baseball between now and 2013. But I don't think he enjoys baseball, anyway.

No mention of human growth hormone.

"Pettitte says no, he has no problem with Randy Hendricks and no problem with his deal. He was determined to get the $12 million he thought he was worth, and in the end maybe he paid a price for playing his hand too boldly, but he insists it was worth it for the chance to prove the ugly finish to last season doesn't mean he's one step from being washed up."

Greedy.


" 'Hey, around July last year I thought I was going to win 20 games,' Pettitte was saying Saturday. 'I felt that good. So don't tell me that based on my last 11 or 12 starts I'm done. I had a shoulder problem.' "

Hey, based on the last 11 or 12 starts without the aid of human growth hormone, you're done.

Hey, y'all.

"It's unclear how much more the Yankees would have been willing to guarantee at the end, after Pettitte turned down the $10 million and the Bombers signed Mark Teixeira for $180 million, but the veteran lefty says he opted for the incentives.

'To me, there was principle involved,' Pettitte said."

Naturally.

You're probably the most principled greedy, lying, disloyal cheater on the whole team.

I'll bet John Harper votes Andy Pettitte into the Hall of Fame. Not ARod, though, as we all know.

It's not the most ridiculous idea based on Pettitte's stats (215 wins, .629 winning%, 4 rings, 117 ERA+), but Pettitte's supposed incompetence is now used as an excuse for the public's general disinterest in his cheating.

I've got a few questions for hard-hitting sports journalist John Harper:

How much money should Andy Pettitte give back?

Shouldn't those performance incentives be donated to charity?

Shouldn't Elijah Cummings be knocking down Pettitte's door?

Seriously, what's the deal, John Harper? Are you just in love with Andy Pettitte, or something? You love Andy Pettitte so much that you're willing to ruin your own credibility?