Bernie Williams probably belongs in the Hall of Fame.

"If Johnny Damon, bless his heart, does end up with 35 home runs this season, then we really do have to look at the big food court on 161st as Coors Field East, right?"
Call it Coors Field East or call it a big food court. Your opinion doesn't matter because you don't attend baseball games, even though you have press credentials and are allowed to go for free.

The Yankees have enjoyed eleven walk-off wins at the big food court and are playing .700 baseball at Coors Field East.

Yes, it's too easy to hit HRs there, and that's why Damon has so many HRs. It's also the only reason Joba's ERA isn't under 3.00.


"It seems like just the other day that the Yankees were sending Melky Cabrera to the minors, right before they were going to send him out of town. Now it looks like he wants to stay in center at the new Yankee Stadium almost as long as Bernie was out there at the old joint."

Truly stupid analysis by a stupid man.

Melky Cabrera isn't even as good as Brett Gardner, much less Bernie Williams.

Bernie Williams was the best Yankee player of the Torre-era dynasty.

Melky Cabrera is batting a whole .269 with 46 RBIs.

You know how many HRs Melky has this year in 52 games away from "Coors Field East"? Three. You know how many RBIs Melky has this year in 52 games away from "Coors Field East"? Twelve.

Multiply by 3 and you get a full season. That's 9 HRs and 36 RBIs. That's not a Bernie Williams season, that's a Bernie Williams month.

Also, not for nothing, but Melky Cabrera has never thrown the ball to a cutoff man in his entire career. For the three guys he's thrown out on the basepaths this year, he's given back 15 runs.

Whatever your analysis of a particular Yankee player in 2009, you have to be purposefully ignorant to ignore the Yankee Stadium Effect for some players while mocking the inflated stats of other players.

Candidate, yes. Winning candidate, no.

I just find it odd that certain players aren't scrutinized by the supposedly tough NY press.

Teixeira is having a fine year, largely fueled by the team he plays for and by the ballpark in which that team plays.

• Away from Yankee Stadium, Teixeira is hitting .267 with 11 HRs. An .867 road OPS. Double that and he'd be considered a $20 million bust rather than an MVP candidate.
• Twenty-one of his thirty HRs have come with the bases empty.
• Despite a great BA with two outs and RISP, his overal RISP ba is a mediocre .270 with four HRs in 122 at-bats.

Also, I don't remember all that many "clutch" hits by Teixeira, especially given the enormous number of opportunities for "clutch" hits.

In other words, if ARod was doing the same thing, he'd be run out of town.


Also, Teixeira's season will probably not be as good as Giambi's first season with the Yankees (.314/41/122/121 runs). Now, Giambi came in fifth in MVP voting (which sounds about right for Teixeira), but Giambi was completely ignored by his hometown fans and writers.


Of course, none of these observations necessarily exclude Teixeira from the MVP discussion. "Road OPS" or "BA with RISP" are not necessarily the most important critieria in determining an MVP candidate. I can cherry pick the stats to the positive or to the negative.

Teixeira deserves to be in the discussion and will probably win a gold glove while spearheading the best offense in the league.

Except it's really Yankee Stadium which deserves most of the credit for the best offense in the league.


Oh, and if there's any doubt who the AL MVP is so far, please gaze upon the stats of Joe Mauer.

All the NYC anti-ARod playa-hatas should be forced by law to vote for the guy who's batting .403 with RISP and .457 with RISP and two outs.

I know Teixeira's a more likeable guy than ARod, but if you invent criteria, you should apply that criteria evenly.

RISP BA was suddenly very fashionable when it was used to denigrate ARod. Not so much when it can be used to denigrate Teixeira.

Grow up.

"BRONX BOMBSHELL: DEREK JETER SAYS HE USED STEROIDS"

I seriously doubt Jeter took steroids, but he certainly knew his teammates were taking steroids and he kept his precious mouth shut. He also scored 130 runs and cashed in largely because his cheater teammates were helping inflate his stats. So I fail to see how anybody come out of this completely clean.


"Bronx Bombshell" is very clever, though. It's sort of like a play on the phrase "Bronx Bombers." That's why it's funny!


"Well, what would you do if ESPN interrupted your regularly scheduled programming for that one?"

What would I do? I'd probably say, "Please get back to my regularly scheduled programming, damn it. This is the one where Cartman travels into the future. I love this episode.


"Would it be enough to make you shred your season tickets, douse your baseball cards with charcoal fluid and delete America's pastime from your Facebook friends list?"

Well, no.

I don't have season tickets; I don't have a collection of baseball cards since I'm a grown-up adult; and I don't have MLB on my Facebook friends list.

Funny stuff, though, and an excellent use of the Rule of Three.


"If I ever see Jeter's name attached to the hip of performance enhancers, I'm done. I mean it -- I'll never watch another big league game again. Because if Captain Pinstripes could do the Vitamin S deed, then anybody can."

Oh no! You guys!

If Jeter's name appears on the PED list, then Gene Wojo ... Gene Woja ... Gene WojSomething won't be a fan anymore!

MLB attendance would fall from 80 million to 79,999,999.


Worse, Gene WojSomething would have to find a new job. The world would suffer because we'd miss clever wordplays such as referring to steroids as "vitamin S."


"To me, Jeter is the anti-Barry Bonds, the anti-Roger Clemens and the anti-Alex Rodriguez. He understands that if you compromise the game, you compromise yourself."

To me, Jeter is a shortstop for the Yankees and the Yankees are my favorite team.

Despite what you've heard recently, he's still a pretty bad fielder. Excellent in all other aspects of the game and a future HOFer.

That's about it.

I suppose I'd be disappointed if he cheated. But I'd be even more disappointed if he hit .240.


"A Jeter steroids admission would be the deal-breaker for me. Pujols, too. If those guys went pharmaceutical, I couldn't go to a big league game if Bud Selig paid me. Who would it be for you?"

Alex Rodriguez.

If they ever find out that Alex Rodriguez took steroids, I'll quit watching baseball forever.

Because ARod is not just a baseball player to me. He's a God walking the Earth. He is my idol. I worship him, and I love him.


Either ARod of Andrew Eugene Pettitte. If either of those guys get caught, I will shut down my blog and find another recreational activity that is untarnished by drug use. Maybe professional knitting.

You forgot Steve Karsay.

"There, you were either a Joe Torre Guy or you weren't. If you were a Torre Guy, you pitched pretty much until your arm fell off. Isn't that right, Tanyon Sturtze, Scott Proctor, Paul Quantrill, Flash Gordon and Ron Villone?

And if you weren't, you subsisted on Alpo and Milk Bones."

I can't believe he noticed.

I can't believe a NY columnist criticized Joe Torre.

"In 2005, three Yankees were among the top 11 in the AL in innings pitched by a reliever; in 2006, three Yankees were among the top nine; in 2007, two were in the top 13. Last year, in Girardi's first season running the show, no Yankees relief pitcher was among the top 12."

Also ... it works!


Next up? ARod wins the WS MVP and mentions how important it was to have the support of his manager.

I don't quite understand how the Rangers are playing so well while this guy is playing so poorly.

"The best thing that could have happened to Josh Hamilton was the indignity of seeing himself lick whipped cream off a pair of fake breasts that didn’t belong to his wife."

As long as they're female human breasts, I think it goes without saying it's the best thing that could have happened.

Well, to be fair, I can think of a few things that are even better.


"Only now can he fully understand what his sobriety means to people. Not just his bride, Katie, and his children, and his Texas Rangers teammates."

Oh, for cryin' out loud.

If this clown is your inspirational hero, go find another inspirational hero. It shouldn't be difficult to find someone more inspiring. Throw a dart at the phone book.


"All of this was fascinating and raw, a man of enormous talent and crystalline fragility confronted with his worst nightmare and willing to offer the truth, or at least the version he remembers. Hamilton stood tall and spoke resolutely. He fell off the wagon and needed a hand back up."

.239, 8 HRs this year in 230 at-bats.

If that's indicative of an "enormous talent," Juan Rivera must be the second coming of Hank Aaron.

A middle infielder with a .972 OPS.

Jeez, Dustin Pedroia won the AL MVP last season with an .869 OPS.

Who is this mystery player who is absent from MVP discussions?

Why, it's Robinson Cano.

But only when the bases are empty.


Can anybody explain why this is happening? I guess the easiest answer is that the pitchers bear down with runners on base, but the batter does not?

The pitchers are pitching from the stretch and this throws Cano's timing off?

Why can't Cano just pretend the bases are empty?

Hates the Yankees, loves the Red Sox, writes for the wrong newspaper.

Can barely get himself to say the name "Alex Rodriguez."


Say, Mike Lupica, how 'bout them Yankees? Since they're finally playing the Red Sox, I figured you might actually watch the games:

"If you were at the Stadium on Thursday night, it was hard to tell whether Muhammad Ali was on the field to have the Yankees honor him or for him to honor the Yankees.

It all had something to do with Academy of Hospitality Services giving the Yankees its Six-Star Diamond Award and Legends Hospitality - I think they serve great food down near the field whether the seats are empty or not - getting a Five Star Award."

Whatever. What about the game?


"But aren't those the awards Al Pacino was trying to win for his casino in 'Ocean's 13'?"

Didn't see the movie. What about the game?


"It actually seemed like another one of those moments where the Yankees were celebrating the Yankees."

So what? Why don't you write another love letter to Theo Epstein?

Also, what about the game?

Did you watch the baseball game?


"Then, when it was all over, the Yankees surrounded Ali, and it was supposed to be more moving than all the All-Stars crowding around Ted Williams at Fenway that time."

It probably wasn't supposed to be more moving that that.

I'm sorry the Ali tribute did not move you, Mike Lupica.

Now, what about the game?


"If they want to give the champ a day, or a night, as a way of christening the new ballpark, fine with me.

Just not with some grand version of a supermarket opening."

Ha ha.

Nice dig.

A chance to rip the Yankees for their pregame activities.

Say, did you even watch the game?



"The last time a regular season was declared over, finished, done after a tremendous extra-inning game at Yankee Stadium, was 2004.

Capt. Jeter did the face plant, Flash Flaherty finally won it with a hit into left, and the Red Sox were twice as far behind the Yankees as they were when A-Rod's ball landed in the seats this time.

Three months later they won it all."

"They" is the Red Sox in that last sentence.

Yes, we all remember when the Red Sox won the World Series in 2004. You remind us of it as often as you can.

Your boys Tito and Epstein couldn't have done it without some of that Curse-Breakin' Steroid Magic.


For the record, the regular season was not declared over after that game in July 2004 and the regular season was not declared over after Friday night's Yankee victory.

Also, even if the regular season was declared over, it wouldn't have any bearing on the postseason results.

So you are challenging an imaginary opposing viewpoint that not only never existed, but is non-existable.


"You don't play classic Yankee games in August, you play them in October."

Whatever, pal.

Your seething hatred of the Yankees is really a bit much.

If you're going to disrespect a 15-inning, 2-0 walkoff win (against the Red Sox, no less), then you simply don't enjoy baseball games. Which may explain why you fixate on the pregame ceremony and Al Pacino movies:

1) If you hate baseball so much, maybe you have the wrong job.

2) Why did you even go to the game? Just to complain about the pregame ceremony? Or did you think it was October?

3) Why did you write this article four days ago?:

"In so many ways, in a home season dominated as much by talk of ticket prices and empty seats and easy home runs, this is the first great moment of the new Stadium. We thought we might get that in May when the Red Sox got their first look at the place. We did not, not with the Yankees unable to get a game off the other guys. And really it was much too early for both teams, we didn't know how the season would look for either one of them, what the narrative would be this time around between Boston and New York.

But now we are more than 100 games into this. The Yankees have caught the Red Sox and passed them since the All-Star break. So this is a good time for the Yankees to show they have enough team to start changing the New York-Boston narrative back to the way it used to be before October of 2004. A good time for the Yankees to get at least three of four and bang around Boston's starters and Boston's relievers, maybe have somebody make the kind of swing for New York that Jason Bay made off Mo Rivera in the very first game the two teams played this season.

A good time to make it seem like old times around here. New park, old swagger."

I have an odd suspicion that you'd be cool with Friday's "classic" game if Ortiz or Pedroia or Youkilis had hit the game-winning homerun, rather than what's-his-name.


Actually, perhaps the best thing about an ARod walk-off HR vs. the Red Sox is that it deeply saddens Mike Lupica.

Which is a more delusional opinion?

1) The Sox fans who refuse to believe that Ortiz is a liar and a cheater?

2) The guy on the video who thinks the DH with a .411 slugging percentage is "still a helluva ballplayer"?

Munson would have slid. Or maybe taken Martinez out.

"Jorge Posada painted No. 15 on his catcher's mask to pay tribute to Thurman Munson and delivered a performance that would have delighted the former New York Yankees captain.

...

Posada had three hits and three RBIs, saluting Munson with the type of all-around game that the former Yankees catcher was known for before he died in a plane crash on Aug. 2, 1979. Posada said he had never put Munson's number on his mask before."

Hate to be the buzzkill after a 13-6 victory, but I'm fixated on the second-inning baserunning blunder.

Posada was either stupid or lazy.

Munson was neither stupid nor lazy.

Because they're not journalists in any true sense of the word.

"Impressive as the Globe article was, it also raised some questions. Why did it take the Globe the better part of a year to report on a bona fide steroid scandal that was brewing in its back yard? And whether that delay was caused by chumminess or cluelessness, did it cost the Globe a rare chance to rewrite Red Sox history?

...

Recall, for example, that 'Big Papi' was a serviceable player with the Minnesota Twins, but morphed into a latter-day Lou Gehrig (complete with a beefy new physique) after coming to Boston in 2003. In May 2007, he told the Boston Herald that he might have unwittingly used steroids in the past. And in February 2009, the New York Daily News reported that Ortiz had a relationship with banned trainer Angel Presinal, who also worked with steroid scapegoat Alex Rodriguez. These facts weren't unreported by the Globe, but they didn't cause great consternation, either. (Former columnist Jackie MacMullan in May 2007: 'The only connection between Ortiz and steroids is that he is a very big man and he hits very big home runs. And that's not fair.')"

I saw MacMullan on "Around the Horn" a few weeks ago flipping out on Bonds.


Now, I can understand the need for bona fide sources and I also understand the concept of presumptive innocence.

But the same rules apply for Bonds, whose case was dropped in a Court of Law and who hasn't admitted to anything.


"Maybe the Globe's sportswriters simply didn't know this stuff was going on. Maybe they did, but wanted to protect Jerry Remy, who's currently fighting lung cancer and is on indefinite leave. Or maybe they didn't think that digging into possible PED use by Sox stars was part of their job. Whatever caused this story to slip through, it was a costly whiff by the hometown squad."

Everybody knows what happened.

Boston fans and their writers -- and also quite a few New York-based writers -- and other writers whose names rhyme with Shmuster Shmolney -- ate up the story of the Gritty Dirt Dogs who finally dethroned the Daddy Warbucks Evil Empire Sissies.

The Curse of the Babe became the Curse of the Bam-Boonie (I'm still shocked that catchphrase never caught on).

They all got a chance to make fun of Alex Rodriguez, who does that guy think he is, anyway?


Yes, once the story dropped in their lap, they were mostly willing to feign some outrage.

But that's not journalism.

Bias is not usually manifested by what you write. It's what you don't write.

"Big game pitcher."

When is the last time John Smoltz won a so-called big game? About four years ago?

I'll be surprised if Smoltz is still pitching in the sixth inning.

53 at-bats is not a lot.

"Now that Rodriguez has raised his average from .250 on July 20 to .261 going into tonight's meeting with the Blue Jays' Roy Halladay, the fault-finders point to him not homering in 53 at-bats."

I don't trust you, George A. King III.

I think you are the fault-finder.

"Since the Yankees have lost three of four and open a crucial four-game series against the Red Sox on Thursday night at Yankee Stadium, it's imperative the cleanup hitter hit.

Does he have to send balls into the seats at the homer-friendly Stadium? No, but people don't watch Rodriguez to see him hit doubles or flare singles to left and right."

Yeah, we only watch Rodriguez to see him hit flare singles to center.

The idea is a bit confusing, George A. King III.

If ARod doesn't have to hit homeruns ... and the viewing public is dissatisfied with doubles and singles ... then the only thing left is triples. So ARod has to hit some triples against the Red Sox or the fans won't get their money's worth?

"And you can bet on this: If the Yankees lose three of four or get swept by the Red Sox, against whom they are 0-8 this year, and Rodriguez doesn't homer, the blame is going between the 1 and 3 on his back."

I'll take that bet.

What are you putting on the table, George A. King III? Your credibility?

Betcha don't know who has the best ERA among Yankee starting pitchers.

It's Joba.

No, seriously.

It's Joba.

Shirtless Melky Cabrera eats peanuts in a hotel room with a porn star.

Thanks to my friend for sending me this link.

All-around dudeness.

"But for all the suspicions about Ortiz, fans like me have always trusted in his charisma, leadership and all-around dudeness that he wouldn't hypocritically hide something like this while talking tough publicly about steroids.

For a few of us, it's a time to hope for the best, even while we harbor feelings of betrayal, anger and disgust.

'In Papi We Trust.'

Barely."

I personally thought it was a good idea to pitch to Pujols.

Of course, I'm rooting against the Dodgers.

7-2, 3.58 era.

But every time Joba starts a game, Mike Francesa becomes physically ill.

Mets suck.

While the Yankees were winning 10 out of 11 and seizing first place from his beloved Red Sox, Mike Lupica complained about the Yankees acquisition of Roy Halladay.

Which didn't happen, and probably will not happen.

Now, I realize it's difficult for him to function properly when his loverboy blows a save, but this is all the baseball we get from this guy?

Chiming in on the bizarro Minaya press conference and concluding that Winning is Good? That's all we get in the midst of a baseball season in New York?:

"The Mets, in the person of Jeff Wilpon, did the right thing Tuesday, in a season when just about everything has gone the wrong way, when people have gotten the idea that three bad months and the single worst press conference in the history of the operation have turned them into the Knicks."

A basketball analogy? I want a boxing analogy.


"The Mets are not the Knicks. The Wilpons are not the Dolans. The Mets are not the Knicks in the standings, are not a laughingstock over nearly a decade the way the Knicks are."

So they're not the Knicks.

Seriously, dude, I think you may be schizophrenic.


"Last year Willie Randolph got it when the Mets didn't look nearly as bad as they look right now. Bernazard gets it now when things are much worse. One year it is Minaya's manager. Now his righthand man. The next person to get fired isn't a manager or a lieutenant. That is the way things work in sports, even for somebody as decent as Omar Minaya."

Minaya seems like an incompetent jerk to me.


"They're not winning the World Series this year, so it will be 23 years and counting. Lose Game 7 to the Cardinals. Collapse in September. Collapse again the next September. In fourth place as they move up on August. Nobody can say they're going the right way."

Phillies fans can say they're going the right way.


"There should be no joy in this, for anybody, whether they are Mets fans or not. No joy in the piling on."

I don't know if joy is the right word. More like ecstasy.

Like, the subtle satisfaction one feels when overrated, incompetent loudmouths get what they deserve.


"You don't judge Minaya on this season alone. Or on Bernazard. Or on one press conference. You are allowed to look at where you've been and where you're going. Do that without apology. You're either moving toward a championship or away from one."

Right.

I think we're in agreement, but I'm not sure.

Minaya should be fired, right? Probably should have been fired long ago. Or maybe never hired in the first place.

If you win the Triple Crown, I might even bat you ninth.

Blameshifter and Renowned Liar Joe Torre finally explains why he bat ARod eighth in a playoff game.

It was really a high compliment for his best player:

"Matt Kemp is batting fifth today, but here's a bit from Vincent Bonsignore of the Daily News on Joe Torre's rationale for often batting him eighth:

'I put him eighth because I thought I'd seen enough to know that he could handle it,' Torre said. 'Certainly it's not any kind of lack of confidence in his ability. It's just the opposite, actually. You have to feel comfortable about someone hitting eighth.'

'When I saw Matt with the quality of his at-bats, I didn't hesitate to hit him eighth because it just looked like he had a better feel than I felt he would have had earlier in the season,' Torre said. 'That was my biggest concern, because I didn't want him hitting eighth earlier in the season because I just wasn't sure he could handle it.' "

Stunning on many levels.

Aside from the typical logical merry-go-round to nowhere, Torre is saying that he batted Kemp eighth because he knew Kemp could handle it.


Which brings me instantly the the 2006 playoffs.

Did Torre really think ARod could psychologically handle batting eighth?

I mean, look: I'm the biggest ARod fan in the world, but the guy's brain is made of oatmeal.

Torre knew it was an embarrassment to ARod and also knew it was an easy way to sabotage ARod's performance.


So why do it?

Well, let me explain.

Torre thought he was going to be fired. Torre knew his team was mailing it in. The Yankees didn't even get a baserunner until the top of the sixth. I think Bonderman got the first fifteen outs on fifteen pitches.

So why purposely toy with the psyche of your all-star third baseman?

Torre was just hoping to ... what's the word I'm looking for here? ... blameshift!

"People."

"You can't point out enough what a terrific season Derek Jeter is having, especially since the season started out with people acting as if he were moving around between second and third with a walker."


Mike Lupica from the 2005 archives:

"About which left side of the infield you would rather have, Wright and Reyes or Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter. For now, the answer still has to be A-Rod and Jeter. For now. But not for much longer."


The day ARod retires is the day D. Wright becomes a better baseball player than ARod.

1-4, 7.04 era.

Maybe Smoltz really is the difference-maker in the AL East after all ...

With new Yankee Stadium, the Yankees have inadvertently lost their home field advantage.

Which explains why they only have a .680 winning percentage at home.

Bob Raissman just might disapprove.

YES Network will replay this "classic" game:

"Synopsis:

Luis Castillo drops a two-out popup in the bottom of the ninth inning that allows two runs to score and the Yankees win 9-8 over the Mets. From June 12, 2009."

Tim Smith joins the rest of us for the 2009 baseball season.

"Now the weight falls on Girardi to produce a championship, and at the very least get into the playoffs with a team that boasts the highest payroll in baseball. The Yankees missed the playoffs last year after Cashman decided to go with a youth movement in the starting rotation rather than pursue Johan Santana.

There are no excuses this year."

Because Theo's a genius, part two.

This from the guy who thought ARod was going to play centerfield.

"I wasn't aware until listening to Joe Buck on Tuesday night's All-Star Game telecast that baseball fans in St. Louis have insights into baseball that the rest of us don't.

It's sure going to make me knuckle down and try harder."

Please choose your pronouns more carefully, Mr. Lupica.

The average fan in St. Louis probably doesn't have greater insights into baseball than me.

But if the average fan in St. Louis walked into their average bathroom and took an average shower, the soapy film left behind on the drain probably has greater insights into baseball than you.

Because Theo's a genius.

Let's try to go one day without mentioning the 1996 Yankees.

"This season, with his Dodger team on virtual cruise control, Torre is proving that maybe he has an encore to the Yankees' dynasty he managed in the late ‘90s."

Dynasty?

They haven't even won one World Series.


"Well, maybe don't mention the ‘D' word quite yet."

I won't.

You did.

Joba is too fat.

Irony?

"For Mets' Daniel Murphy, playing first base is a comdey [sic] of errors"

Like, the Daily News headline writer decided it would be ironic to juxtapose a misspelling with the word "error," subtly reinforcing the comedy of the Mets' fielding woes?

Nah.

Probably not intentionally ironic.

Probably just unintentionally sloppy.

Are you tring to convince us? Or trying to convince yourself?

"Los Angeles Dodgers manager Joe Torre was 'disappointed' when Manny Ramirez got busted for using a substance banned by Major League Baseball, but the former Yankees skipper doesn't think any success the Dodgers enjoy this season would be tainted by Ramirez's use of performance-enhancing substances.

'I don't think so,' Torre said Monday at his annual charity golf outing at Trump National Golf Club. '(Ramirez) obviously did something he got punished for. As far as tainting, I don't. I mean, why would it be tainted? Because he did something?' "

Yes.

Because he did something.

" 'Well, what do you think about Andy Pettitte?' "

Cheater and liar.


" 'And Alex (Rodriguez)?' "

Cheater and liar.

Funny you should ask ...


" 'I mean, I don't know. I think baseball, right now, is tainted. And we need to get the trust back.' "

So, if baseball is tainted, and the Dodgers play baseball ... then the Dodgers are tainted! Thanks for clearing that up.

But why would baseball be tainted in the first place?

Because the players did something.

The Mets are loveable losers. Key word being, "losers."

Mike Lupica makes excuses for the $150 million sub-.500 team. Because Mike Lupica is a grizzled, tough New York-style journalist:

"I'm just thinking out loud here, but how would the Yankees be looking these days - how far would they be behind the Red Sox - if they were down Mark Teixeira, A-Rod and Capt. Jeter?

Carlos Delgado isn't the hitter that Teixeira is, Beltran isn't A-Rod, at least when A-Rod is up and running, and it's been a while since anybody was a whole lot keener on Jose Reyes than they are on Jeter.

But you sort of see how the math works, right?

The subtraction part, I mean."

Nobody cares about your imaginary Battle of New York. The Yankees are worried about the Red Sox and the Rays. The Mets are worried about the Marlins and the Phillies.

Yes, genius, the Yankees would be a lot worse without their good baseball players. That's because good baseball players play baseball good. This good baseball playing directly results in winning results for the baseball teams for which they play. You figured that out all by yourself.

But I'd prefer a detailed analysis of how D. Wright really stepped it up when his team experienced all these injuries. Twelve RBIs in June. Not twelve RBIs in one game in June; twelve RBIs in the month of June.

"Let me get this straight about the Yankees:

It's not okay to have facial hair, but it is okay for Nick Swisher to have that Mohawk haircut, except that would be kind of insulting to actual Mohawk haircuts."

Let me get this straight about the so-called premier sports journalist for the New York Daily News:

Dude is in London watching tennis during the Subway Series; has no idea if Edwar Ramirez is still on the Yankees roster; and wants to talk about Nick Swisher's haircut.

May I also point out (shock!) that Mike Lupica is a hypocrite?

I quote hypocritical bum coward liar hack Mike Lupica on Feb. 6, 2006:

"I want to be as clear about this as I can:

I don't think of Johnny Damon going through life on some kind of red carpet.
I don't care about his hair.

I don't care where he gets it done or if he's got highlights.

His hair wasn't all that interesting when it was caveman hair at Fenway Park, it doesn't matter now that it's makeover hair at Yankee Stadium.

Even though people who used to get half-hysterical about caveman hair now think Damon is cuter than a junebug.

Bottom line? The next time he gets a trim, leave me out of it."

Yeah, Anna Wintour, same goes double for Nick Swisher.

Go write an article for Teen Beat about the dreamiest Yankee haircuts. You couldn't name the Yankee starting rotation if somebody put a gun to your head.

Missed a sign.

"Because a few of you e-mailed, Robinson Cano missed a sign in the bottom of the 12th when he bunted a 3-0 pitch. Nobody was exactly sure what he was thinking and Cano did not make himself available to talk about it."

First, how do you "miss a sign" in the major leagues?

Second, how do you not understand this is a bad play? It's even worse that you didn't execute, but you're a major league baseball player -- how do you not understand?

Third, you're batting .200 with RISP. You were given the #5 spot and you blew it.

Most importanly, the next time you ground into a double play, run to first base. The whole 90 feet, you lazy bum.

He hits lots of homeruns.

Jayson Stark really can't figure out why Dodger fans want Manny back in the lineup:

"But maybe, Lipsyte suggested, that 'something' is no more complicated than a massive disconnect between fans and media.

'I don't think fans are trapped in the righteous indignation of all the sportswriters who blew the steroids story as it grew on their watch,' Lipsyte, a long-time New York Times columnist who also has done work at ESPN, wrote in an e-mail. 'Fans understand that ballplayers have the same goals as they do: win. How mad can you get at someone who endangers their health to entertain you (like Janis Joplin, Elvis Presley, Michael Jackson)? These aren't the crooked financiers or irresponsible politicians who do deserve our anger.'

Oh, he's right about that, clearly. One thing we can all agree on about Manny: He's no Bernie Madoff.

But that doesn't explain why this man is getting such a heroic welcome back. Does Manny really fit the mold of previous baseball players whose PED stains have been forgiven? Not that we can see."

Nobody's reputation has been severely stained by steroid use. The popular players remained popular. For the unpopular players -- such as Bonds, ARod, and Clemens -- steroid outrage is just backfilling.

Hey, we make $20 million per year, too.

Golly, I haven't hit a homerun since June 12th -- and neither have I -- and nobody even notices.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

Of the road.

Get it?


Why does Brian Bruney pitch the eighth inning?

Because he's the eighth-inning guy.


You know, when Girardi puts it that way, you sound kind of dumb for asking.

Like, which other inning is the eighth-inning guy gonna pitch? Duh.

I'm going to pretend he didn't say that.

Hey, Joe Girorre: The world wants to know why you took out Hughes:

"Bruney's our eighth-inning guy," Girardi said.

Excellent rationale.

I'm going to go and play strat-o-matic now. My strat-o-matic managerial decisions will partially re-affirm my faith in the possibility of a logical world.

One whole walk in the Subway Series ...

... and fewer RBIs than Mariano Rivera.

But walks are important, too. So, it wasn't a complete waste.

The trick is to hit the ball really far.

"Death Valley in right-center

Citi Field replaced Shea Stadium, which opened in 1964 and has been demolished. Shea was considered a pitcher-friendly park, and while Citi Field has some shorter dimensions, it has been an even more challenging place for hitters because of its varying wall heights and spaciousness in right-center field."

I like when ARod went opposite field into so-called Death Valley.

I guess something D. Wright thought wasn't even possible.

Sure, it's a small sample size. But the Yankees hit three opposite-field blasts in two games.

Even Sluggin' Brett Gardner hit one out at Citifield. But Gardner had to pull the ball.

I disagree with the conclusion, but ARod has the burden of proof.

Even ARod's recent exhaustion would have been cured with performance-enhancing substances.


As a bonus, Pearlman is probably the only writer I've ever seen bring up this obvious fact:

"Manager Joe Torre, whose continued naiveté/indifference over steroids staggers the mind, has repeatedly expressed his excitement over Ramirez's reappearance in the Dodgers outfield, where he clearly expects nothing less than an All-Star-quality slugger."

Yeah, Torre wrote a book about the inner workings of Johnny Damon's psyche, but he has no idea when any of his players are taking steroids or drinking too much.

Actually, Torre probably knows, but just doesn't care.

That's the issue ...

"Jorge Posada swung and missed at a pitch in the dirt in the eighth inning last night, striking out for the fourth time. The ball rolled a few feet to the right of Atlanta raves catcher Brian McCann.

Posada took a step toward first base then turned around and walked slowly back to the dugout instead of running. It was the latest example of the apparent lack of interest the Yankees have at playing good baseball."

To some extent, I think Girardi was given a bad hand. Expectations are sky high and nobody on his team is really having a good year.

Teixeira, yes, but 13 of his 20 HRs are at Yankee Stadium. He could be a bust if he was playing at Citifield.

Bruney is exceeding expectations. Maybe Hughes. Probably Gardner and Cabrera, but that's mostly due to low expectations.

Is anybody else playing to their talent level?

I don't necessarily think that's Girardi's fault. I think it's wise to bat ARod fourth, keep trying with Wang, keep putting Sabathia out there for the eighth inning.

But this lack of effort -- lack of fundamentals -- is noticeable, and it might cost the Yankees a playoff spot and it might cost Girardi his job.

Somebody talk about Jeter's rally-killing GIDP.

Anybody?

Anybody?

Did you see when Jeter lined out in the ninth when he could have grounded into a double play?

It felt like a missed opportunity.

I thought he was going for the record, man:

"The Yankees left the bases loaded in the second, stranded two more runners in the third and then left them juiced again in the fourth, a staggering display of ineptitude in the clutch by a team filled with supposedly capable hitters"

Minor point of correction here.

When the Yankees left the bases loaded in the second, the "batter" was Chien-Ming Wang.

You can say lots of things about about Chien-Ming Wang, but you can't say he's a "supposedly capable hitter."

I found something on the Internet that may preoccupy me for some time.

Suzyn Waldman has a blog, and I see her use of punctuation is as irritating as her voice:

"But the strangest thing was Joe Girardi filing a protest after Marlins Manager Fredi Gonzalez messed up a double switch (who says NL Managers are smarter) and Chris Coghlan ran out to left field instead of Alejandro De Aza. Girardi waited until a pitch was thrown, then pointed out the mistake to the umpires. It was definitely a mistake, it was definitely corrected...De Aza and Coghlan were out of the game and Jeremy Hermida went to left field. But Girardi actually protested the game. If it's upheld...the Yankees have to get on a plane, go back to Florida and start the game from that point....they were losing 6-3. Why, exactly?"

First, nobody says NL managers are smarter. Maybe NL broadcasters are smarter, but not NL managers.

Also, the protest won't be upheld -- everybody knows that -- but it's certainly the proper response from the Yankee manager.

If I was the Yankees, I'd gladly get on a plane and go back to Florida and try to turn a loss into a win. Could be the loss that keeps the playoff shares out of everybody's grubby little hands. Could be the win that saves Girardi's job.


"I think scoring 18 runs in their last 8 losses is something they should concentrate on...not protesting games that were lost...but what do I know???"

You know very little.

For someone who watches every Yankee game, your insight into Yankee baseball is astonishingly ignorant.

As an example of your ignorance, I'm pretty sure the Yankees can concentrate on scoring more runs even if Girardi filed a protest of the game.


"I've often wondered if taking off to parts unknown for an off day and then flying to the next city the day of the game is better or worse for a team. But again, what do I know! [sic]"

You've wondered what?

You've wondered if taking off to parts unknown for an off day and then flying to the next city the day of a game is better or worse for a team?

Better or worse than what?

What is better or worse than what?

I have no idea what you're saying.

At least I have confirmation that your writing abilities match your speaking abilities.

I'm going to predict that the Red Sox win at least two out of three vs. Washington.

Though the players are mostly responsible for their own competence and motivation, Girardi is going to regret those losses when his team mailed it in.

The Yankees and Girardi have three months to redeem themselves.

The Yankees might win the 2009 World Series. It wouldn't shock me if their superstars started playing like superstars.

But if the manager doesn't take blame for lack of effort and lack of fundamentals, then what is the manager there for?

A ten-year-old can decide when Matsui should pinch it.

I think ARod's power, speed, and batting average will improve.

I think ARod' recent struggles are simply a short-term slump fueled by an injury. Though I also think it's fair to wonder if he will ever recover and if his previous success was due to steroids. Until he proves otherwise, he has lost the benefit of the doubt.

But when Peter Abraham jumps the gun and claims that ARod's contract may be the worst contract ever, he kind of misses the point. Because Abraham is looking at baseball statistics.


Willy Tavares is batting .227, 15 points higher than ARod, and nobody would be outraged if Willy Tavares was benched. Nobody is rushing to the TV to see Willy Tavares bat. Nobody is buying tickets at Spongetech Park just so they can boo Willy Tavares.


Nobody cares where Brian Bruney ate dinner last night. For the Yankees, this is free advertising, along with free "baseball talk":

"The rest hasn't seemed to do much good: In his pinch-hit cameo last night, he merely drew a walk"

"Merely drew a walk."

Nice baseball analysis, Angela Monefinise. You sound as ignorant as Mike Francesa.


Point being, Angela Monefinise helps explain why ARod is worth so much money.

Love him or hate him, you want to watch him play and you want to know who he's dating and you want to know what he ate for dinner. When he appears in Monument Park and you shake his hand, you act like you just shook hands with a God. Even when he's benched -- even when he's on the DL -- Peter Abraham and everybody else spend most of their time talking about him.

And you wonder why he gets paid so much?

The maestro.

If a player goes 0-for-4 with two GIDP, is that the same as 0-for-6?

Yesterday was probably the happiest day of my baseball-viewing life.

Somebody noticed.

The answers are incorrect across the board, but at least somebody asked the question.

Not a day goes by where Suzyn Waldman doesn't mistakenly refer to Joe Girardi as Joe Torre.

I'm starting to think she may be correct.

• When Melky Cabrera first played in the majors, he completely embarrassed himself in the outfield. That was in 2005. It's now 2009 and he has played 290 games in CF for the Yankees. Youth and inexperience are no longer excuses for turning RBI singles into two-RBI triples. Somebody hit this guy some fungoes.
• Even with the game on the line in the ninth inning, Cano did not run hard down the first base line. I mean, this is the Soriano Country Club Part II.
• Why wasn't Alex Rodriguez running in the ninth inning? I won't go into the strategic benefits of sending the runner in this situation, because that would insult your intelligence. It's possible that ARod ignored the manager's request because he couldn't get a good jump, or whatever. Which is still the manager's fault.
  
• Last week, when Melky sac bunted to the dismay of Yankee fans everywhere, we later learned that he had bunted on his own. Which is still the manager's fault. Sun Tzu would have had somebody killed.

So far, I've scanned four of the top NYC-area newspapers. I haven't found one article which rips Cano's choke job or questions Girardi's competence.

Every single Yankee fan is screaming at the TV, "Why isn't ARod running?"

None of our beat reporters have the guts or the smarts to ask the question. Go ask ARod about his charity event with Richard Gere. You're all useless.

I basically want to know if it's Girardi's fault for issuing flawed orders or if it's ARod's fault for ignoring his orders. I basically want to know which concubine should be beheaded.

Get a room.

No end in sight. No end in sight. No end in sight.

"It seems like a million years ago since the Yankees left spring training, convinced they had the talent, the chemistry and the winning pedigree to finally crash the walls of the Red Sox’ empire."

"A million years ago."

Sound like a five-year-old's first attempt at writing.


"The AL East has belonged to Boston since 2004, but the Bombers were willing to bet every last cent of their $200 million payroll that a coup was coming."

The AL East has belonged to Boston since 2004? Didn't the Tampa Rays win the AL East in 2007? Oh, yeah. They did.

Didn't the Yankees win the the AL East in 2005 and 2006? Oh, yeah. They did.

No matter.

I think it's Klapisch's clumsy way of saying the Red Sox have been more cumulatively successful than the Yankees in the years 2004 - 2009.


Coming out of Spring Training, I really didn't think the Yankees were a lock to win the AL East in 2009. I don't think most people did.

I changed my mind, though, when I got my first scorecard at Yankee Stadium. I learned a lot in an article by some guy named Bob Klapisch. I learned that the Awesome Yankees had the Best Infield in the History of Major League Baseball.


"Two-a-half months later, the Yankees are dazed and confused, wondering what happened to that limitless reservoir of self-confidence."

One game back of the division lead and in the lead for the wild card.


"They’re 0-7 against the Red Sox with no end in sight."

Sabathia beats Penny tonight and the Yankees are tied for first place.

The end is probably in sight.

You might have to wait one whole day.

I am going to criticize Alex Rodriguez.

Not just to be contrarian,  but just observing his play.

ARod has one HR in his last 16 games.  About 60 at-bats.  That HR hit off the top of the wall in right-center field at Yankee Stadium.

Can you imagine the scrutiny and criticism ARod would have received if he'd hit only one HR in his first 60 at-bats after coming off the DL?  After the steroid confessions?

Now, I'm open to the idea that ARod's career is built on steroids.  I don't think it is, but he has to prove it on the field and the skeptics have plenty of ammo.  

Eight HRs in 108 at-bats is certainly not a cause for concern.  Nor is a 60 at-bat slump, per se.  Not particularly unusual.

But how many of these HRs have been 400-foot blasts?

ARod's HRs are optical illusions.  He takes a quick swing, the OFer thinks he's going to catch it, and the ball sails fifty feet over the wall.

I haven't seen it so far this year.

Could be the hip, could be small sample size.  I wouldn't be shocked at all if ARod hits 40 HRs in an abbreviated season.

But it's quite interesting that he has diverted scrutiny simply because of a few well-timed HRs.

When Papelbon heats up ...

When Jonathan Papelbon is the pitcher, Mike Lupica wants to be the catcher.

As an aside, this is the sidebar for this article: "Jonathan Papelbon might have enduced the last three outs, but Dustin Pedroia got a little bit of a save on this night."

"Enduce" is not a word.

Overpaid.

Corner outfielder with two homeruns.

Yankees vs. Dodgers in 2009 World Series.

Yankees sweep and, rather than showering themselves with champagne during the locker room celebration, they shower themselves with Bigelow's green tea.

Everybody needs a dream and the above scenario is my dream:

"Q: Joe Torre questioned your commitment in his book.

A: He never let me get healthy until we called up Shelley Duncan (in 2007). So here I am knowing I can't help the team, knowing that I can't run, I can't move . . . I can't get to a fly ball that I normally have in my back pocket. Best thing that should have been done when I was hurt then was throw me on the DL and let me get healthy, but I wasn't able to.

Q: Were you disappointed or surprised to see that in his book?

A: I was disappointed, because where it first came up, I had a private conversation with Torre and (GM Brian) Cashman at the beginning of spring training, telling them that I wasn't ready. It was a tough winter for me, and it was a private thing. And then the private thing ends up being put in his book. Well, as a player, I feel like he's a tough guy to trust."

Wang now pitches game two vs. Boston.

Be careful what you wish for.

Because of the rainout, A.J. Burnett now will start game one at Fenway next week. Which makes me very confident since he couldn't hold an eight-run lead the last time he pitched at Fenway.

I mean, if Wang stinks so much that he can't pitch important games, then he shouldn't be in the rotation.

Game one vs. Boston is important, but you know what else is important? Game two vs. Boston

You know what else is important? The games the Yankees are about to play against the Rays.

You remember the Rays? The 2008 AL Champions?

The Yankees are going to make the playoffs and make $10 million per day in ice cream sales alone.

You know what would be fun to talk about while the Yankees storm into first place?

Attendance figures:

"If early-season baseball attendance in New York is a referendum on just how far our teams can push their fan bases, the fans in Flushing and the Bronx have voted, and the results appear to be pretty definitive.

The answer is, not much further."

I know a lot of people who've been to Yankee Stadium and Citifield and everybody has loved the new stadiums and their overall experience.


"So far, the Yankees are averaging 44,636 in their new crib, the Mets 38,806."

Whoa! That's a lot!


"If baseball is so popular in this town and Yankees and Mets games truly are must-see events, as both clubs insisted throughout the offseason, why aren't there 10,000 people milling around outside their ballparks every game night, trying to buy up every last ticket in the house, and the rest going home empty-handed and disappointed?"

Yankes games are not must-see events unless it's the playoffs or it's a regular-season game vs. the Red Sox or the Mets.

I can guarantee that 10,000 people never milled around old Yankee Stadium looking for mid-May tickets vs. Baltimore.

If they did this in 2009, they are fools: They could have just gone to stubhub.


"But in a metropolitan area that certainly has more than 83,442 people - the combined average attendance at both parks - wealthy enough to buy their way into these exclusive clubs dressed as ballparks, there has to be something more to it.

It just might be that the remarkably deep-pocketed, thick-skinned and resilient sports fans of this town finally have reached their limit."

83,000 people per day is a lot of people. Your observation is quite contradictory and ignorant.

By the way, yes, the New York Metropolitan area definitely has more than 83,442 people. Tens of millions of people. So, good job with the demographic analysis.


"Clearly, people are opting out of spending exorbitant amounts to witness baseball games in the flesh, especially when it is much more economical, not to mention fan-friendly, to simply plop down in the recliner in front of the HDTV, crack a beer, pop your own corn and not have to contend with traffic, or shell out $19 for parking and $10 for tolls, and heaven knows how much else at the concession stands.

It's simply no longer worth it, no matter how good the team is or how deeply ingrained in your DNA the ritual of going to the ballpark on a summer night really is."

Except for those 83,000 people per day.

14-8 at home, five walkoff wins. It's Stadium magic.

When Filip Bondy is proven wrong, all he can do is complain about something else.

Now the problem is that the Yankees hit too many homeruns.

Lupica wept.

On the same day where ARod hits a game-tying HR in the ninth, Papelbon blows a save with two outs in the ninth.

Why is Steve Balboni bunting?

"Steve Balboni was born a generation too late."

How so?


"The former slugger looks at today's homer-happy game and can't help but wonder what would have happened if he were playing today."

So, your ridiculous theory is that he was born a generation too early.


In any case, if Balboni was born a generation later, he'd be Craig Wilson. If he was born a generation earlier, he'd have been Curt Blefary.

5-2, 3.59 ERA.

Your kid could be Governor of California.

I'll be $20 this guy takes Viagra and Extenz:

"So, last week, I'm driving my son to a Little Leaguegame in "College Point on the Whitestone Expressway, listening to WFAN, and some caller is marveling that Albert Pujols already has 12 homers in 2009."

Twelve homers is a lot, but it's not that many. Some caller is too easily impressed. He sounds like one of those people who say KFC's grilled chicken is "awesome."


"My kid, who plays on two Little League teams, and is a HUGE Pujols fan, pounds his first baseman's mitt and says, 'Do you think they'll give Pujols a urine test just like Manny and A-Rod, Dad? "

HUGE Pujols fan. HUGE.

So, let me ask you something: Who's raising your kid, anyway? You? Or Albert Pujols?


"Bang. Bang. Bang.

Three silver bullets straight into the already hemorrhaging heart of baseball."

I don't know if baseball's heart is hemorrhaging as much as you think.

In any case, your article is probably about fifteen years late. While you were driving on the Whitestone Expressway, were you listening to Terrence Trent D'Arby?


"Sure, people resented that Maris might break the great Babe Ruth's record, needing 162 games instead of Ruth's 154, to reach 61. Cynical old timers told us that neither Maris nor Mantle could hold Ruth's or DiMaggio's or Ted Williams' sweat socks. Others, diehard Giants fans, insisted that Willie Mays was better than either of them. All of that was probably true. But no kid asked his old man if Mickey or Roger could pass a urine test. No one suspected Maris had topped Ruth with the help of Dr. Frankenstein."

You could take Mantle's urine, put an olive in it, and you'd have a martini.


"This is what the steroidians have done: They have turned baseball from a magnificent sport played by great athletes into a seedy business played by cheating monsters who have been chemically augmented by mad science."

Okay, you win.

Maybe your kid can turn to the NFL ... or the NBA ... or the Olympics ... or NASCAR ... or wrestling.

Well, no.

Maybe your kid can read a book.


"I can understand second chances for players caught using recreational party drugs like cocaine, which could be attributed to too much money too young, or the insidious disease of addiction."

Mister God has decreed that crackheads deserve second chances, but steroids users do not deserve second chances.

Good lesson for the kids.


"Which baseball superstars are kids today supposed to admire? Bonds? Clemens? A-Rod? Ramirez?"

The kids of today should admire none of them. Baseball players are not admirable people.

Kids of today should admire everyone except pro athletes. Kids of today should admire librarians and scientists and bus drivers and first-level help desk personnel.

As for baseball, just root for your team and hope your team scores more runs than the opposing team. When the game is over , turn off the TV and read a book about Isaac Newton. Or, if you want to be a real superhero, turn off the TV and start a baseball blog.

"'How could they even let him play in the majors if he got caught cheating in the minors, Dad?' my bewildered kid asked.

This is clearly a question MLB must ask itself if baseball is to survive."

Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. Baseball will survive and thrive, and you know it.


If you want to get rid of all steroids users without giving them a second chance, you'd lose a lot of talent.

If you want to get rid of all the deplorable people, you'd be left with Mark Teixeira and Derek Jeter playing catch with Koyie Hill and Nick Johnson.

That's it.

Those are the only four good role models in major league baseball.

Home-field advantage.

"Helmets flying, bats flipping and whipped-cream pies. They've been staples of the past three finishes at Yankee Stadium, but how much more late-inning magic can the Yankees squeeze out of their new home in the Bronx?"

I don't know about the whipped-cream pies staple.

But I do know Filip Bondy sounds kinda dumb:

"The Yankees come home Friday night to their new Stadium, after a road trip that ended with another CC Sabathia gem and considerable promise. More than anything, what they need to do now is remember how to win in the South Bronx.

This is not going to be easy, because the Stadium is not the same as the last one, no matter how hard the architects tried to recreate the dimensions and the decibels. It is quieter, except for the intrusive sound system. It is emptier in the most visible seats, priced for a Wall Street aristocracy that no longer exists. At least so far, the prevailing winds have been very kind to line drives, particularly those launched by the opposition.

Like it or not, this is home sweet home. There is no crossing the street back to the old place. The Yankees are already reselling their legacy over there, one fraying, blue chair at a time. The new building will have to do for the next three decades or so, and it better start acting friendlier in a hurry."

It's not even getaway Sunday ...

... because the Yankees play the Twins tomorrow.

Better save Mariano for tomorrow, Joe Torre. I mean, Joe Girardi.

Brett Tomko hasn't worked in a while, so it's good to see him get his work in.

Homeruns in the first inning don't count.

"Alex Rodriguez didn't even join the season until 10 days ago, and didn't win the Yankees a game until he hit that shot in the bottom of the 11th Saturday."

I like how Lupica had written this sentence with the clause "and hasn't won the Yankees a game" and probably had it submitted to the editor. Then, he had to change the sentence by Sunday morning.

Please note that ARod basically "won the Yankees a game" in his first game back. A three-run homerun is very important when your team wins the game 4-0. Even if that three-run homerun occurs in the oh-so-boring first inning. Though, of course, CC Sabathia threw a shutout. So, like every other game, it's a team effort.

Also, please note that Mark Teixeira and Mariano Rivera and Alfredo Aceves were more important to yesterday's win than Alex Rodriguez.

"Yankee fans are supposed to be wistful because George Steinbrenner isn't making threats or headlines anymore. And of course that was part of the show of the man over the 30 years when he became the most famous and unique and often ridiculous owner in the history of American sports.

But Yankee fans shouldn't miss him because they miss the show. They should miss him because he would have banged a few heads over the run-out of the new Stadium."

Lupica, you are a hypocritical liar.

For decades, you criticized Steinbrenner and now you write him a love letter.

"George Steinbrenner didn't always run things right. Believe me, this is no love letter to everything he did or everything he said, not from me. He could be mean and make a mess of things and make noise just to make noise. But he was The Boss of the place, and got better at it as he went along."

Now you sound like a female. If you're a man, you say what you mean and mean what you say.

Talk about setting yourself up for a fall.

"More than any player in franchise history, David Ortiz taught even the most cynical Red Sox fans that refusing to give up sometimes results in the sweetest rewards.

So the inclination is to resist giving up on him. The man deserves that much, at least under normal circumstances."

David Ortiz taught you that?

Did you have parents?

"Why is this happening now? What caused it? And is there any hope of recovering from this?"

Answers, in order: He stopped taking steroids; He stopped taking steroids; He can start taking steroids again.

"I do not believe that David Ortiz's wonderful legacy in Boston was built fraudulently. I do not believe he used performance-enhancing drugs. I believe he was a natural power hitter who was miscast, undervalued and injury prone in Minnesota, where he put up decent power numbers despite Tom Kelly's bizarre intention to turn him into Rich Becker."

It's good to believe in something.

I believe I'll have another beer.

"When he joined the Red Sox in 2003, they were the right team at the right time, though it took Grady Little an entire spring to realize as much. It did not, however, take Ortiz long to become a folk hero, and he thrived here two full seasons before steroid testing was implemented in March 2005. Ortiz has hit 158 regular-season home runs since then. If his strength and success was the result of some PED cocktail, he did a fine job of hiding it the last four seasons."

Yes, he has done a fine job of hiding it so far.

Like just about every other professional athlete.

I have a hankerin' for Bigelow's green tea and I can't explain why.

" 'I've been fortunate to play for a lot of great managers,' says Doug Mientkiewicz, who also played for Torre in New York. 'But with all due respect to those other guys, he's the best I've ever played for.

'He's been through everything. He knows what it takes to win games. He knows how to handle every situation, every kind of personality. He's had veteran-laden teams, and he's had young teams. And he's really good at defusing bombs before they even get lit, if that makes sense. A lot of people are reactionary. He's proactive in situations before they even happen.' "

Torre is so observant and proactive, that he can write a book detailing the inner workings of the psyches of all of his players. Torre can probably predict what Buddy Groom is eating for dinner tonight.

However, Torre is not observant enough to notice when his players are taking human growth hormone or steroids.

Truth is, neither Torre nor McCourt nor Selig want to give back the prestige and revenue that Manny brought to the Dodgers in 2008.

Wasn't it nice to have a big market team in the playoffs?

0-for-7 with 11 LOB?

See, Teixeira is stinking it up, but at least Teixeira has a lot of walks and a lot of homeruns. More importantly, who else on the Yankees is going to bat third? So, you trust Teixeira's track record and hope today is the day he busts out.

But with Ortiz, it's even crazier. Ortiz batting .208 with 0 homeruns all of his teammates are better hitters.

Maybe Ortiz will finally be dropped in the lineup when Youkilis returns.

I know Francona has loyalty towards the guy, but this is getting downright weird.

The '86 Mets woulda won this game.

Can you imagine what a dopey analysis that would be? Just the stupidity and pointlessness of obsessing about a long-ago version of your team?

This pretty much happens every day with the Yankees.

In case you thought last night's win over the Blue Jays erased all the Yankee woes, Joel Sherman verifies that it did not.

Still, winning is typically better than losing:

"Nothing has worked out as the Yankees imagined. They thought they were constructing a wonder of the world and, instead, have seemingly forfeited one of the great home-field advantages in sports."

The Yankees had one of the great home-field advantages in sports?

The Cavaliers just went 39-2 at home and that was only because they benched Lebron in the last game of the season.

Even with the rigging of a lefty power hitters, you really think it was the loud fans that helped the Yankees win? Not the players so much?


"The fans closest to the field are either quiet, absent or inside private clubs stuffing their faces with the free food that comes with their take-out-a-mortgage tickets."

Maybe so, but I don't know if that explains Damaso Marte's inability to get out right-handed batters.


"Those farthest away from the field are angry at both being herded into second-class status and the content of their team."

I don't think this is really true.

But even if it was true, it still doesn't affect the performance of the players on the field.


"But what is disturbing about this group is not how physically fragile they are, but how mentally weak they appear. Roy Halladay is special, but the greatest pitcher I have seen was Pedro Martinez in his prime. The dynastic Yankees nevertheless found a way to win when he started, in part, because of a grinding credo that turned each at-bat into war and regularly shortened Martinez's outings."

Paul O'Neill woulda hit three homeruns against Halladay on Tuesday night.

That's basically what Yankee analysis over the past eight years boils down to: "Paul O'Neill woulda."

Talented-yet-immature.

The only people who don't like Joba Chamberlain are sportswriters.

I can't tell you how nice it is to watch a player who gives a damn:

"Aubrey Huff is my new hero after mocking talented-yet-immature Yankee Joba Chamberlain with a couple fist pumps to celebrate a homer Sunday. Someone needs to tell Joba to tone it down. I'm not sure this will work. But hey, it's a start."

Aubrey Huff probably is your new hero, you loser. Maybe Huff give you an autograph if you ask real nice. But you'll have to call him "Mr. Huff" and promise to stay in school and get good grades.


I'll take 25 talented-yet-immature players like Joba on my team.

I'd say the only two players on this team who act like they are emotionally invested in the outcome of the game are Joba Chamberlain and Francisco Cervelli.

When Cervelli beat out an infield hit the othe day, I almost fainted. Every other player on the team would have been slowing down so they could get a head start to the dugout.

Why can't David Ortiz hit homeruns?

You know, with Selena Roberts in mind, it's fair to demand high journalistic standards.

But this is really just an opinion column.

I think you can safely mention the possibility of steroid use:

"Of the other 50-homer hitters, no one else has begun a season as dismally as Ortiz. Not one-season wonders such as Brady Anderson or Luis Gonzalez. Not Hall of Famers such as Willie Mays, even when he was 42 and at the end of his career with the Mets, or Mickey Mantle, in his last year on shredded knees with the Yankees. Not Roger Maris, even after his slugging feats in New York were a distant memory in St. Louis, nor Sammy Sosa, hanging on at the end in Texas."

Why can't David Ortiz hit homeruns?

Well, you mentioned Brady Anderson ... you mentioned Luis Gonzalez ... you even mentioned Sammy Sosa.

You're getting warmer.

Loves Jonathan Papelbon.

Lupica likes every Red Sox player and dislikes every Yankee player (other than that CFer who lost the starting job to Melky):

"At this point in his career the kid is famous for being a Yankee, for getting swarmed by bugs one night in Cleveland, for a drunk-driving arrest, for having a colorful name and a complicated background. He is not yet famous for winning baseball games."

I think he's most famous for his success as a reliever.

Not a huge sample size, but a ridiculous ERA.


"For now Chamberlain has won a total of eight games in the big leagues."

Only four losses. A sweet .667 winning percentage and a career ERA under 3.00.

You don't get too many wins as a relief pitcher, though, so the win-loss record is kind of unimportant. Mariano Rivera has less career wins than Andy Hawkins. Only a very stupid person would judge a relief pitcher on their number of wins.


"Jonathan Papelbon threw back his head on Sunday night, pumped his fist four times at Fenway Park, strike up the band. But Papelbon had just struck out Carlos Pena and B.J. Upton and Carl Crawford with runners on second and third in a one-run game, struck them out on high fastballs in the high 90s to win the game. You are allowed to kick up your heels when you do that, especially if the game is over."

Papelbon is allowed to do anything he wants. Papelbon was so awesome when he threw his head back on Sunday night. Papelbon pumped his fist four times on Sunday night, and, believe me, Lupica was pumping fists right along with him.

Papelbon is, like, totally OMG.


"He may eventually turn out to be the first star starter they have produced out of their farm system since Andy Pettitte, the first strikeout starter they have produced since Ron Guidry."

So Chien-Ming Wang is not a star pitcher, huh?

Wang is 54-23 for his career.

In the 2.5 seasons before he got injured, Wang won 46 games.

That's a right-handed Andy Pettitte.

"So the Yankees desperately need to have Chamberlain come through for them, show the world that they do have a farm system, that they can develop the kind of arms the Red Sox have with Jon Lester and Papelbon and even Clay Buchholz, who has a no-hitter in the books and can't get out of the minors right now."

You tramp.

Wang is unmentioned , Joba is overrated, but Clay Buchholz (5-10, 5.56) is an emerging superstar.


You know what? The Red Sox are better than the Yankees. It's not an issue.

The Red Sox won the World Series in 2004 and 2007. The Red Sox had a better record than the Yankees in 2007, 2008, and so far in 2009.

This is not rocket science. It's just looking at the standings. You don't have to rig the argument with stupidity and ignorance. When you hype up Buchholz and ignore Wang's success, you merely ruin your own credibility.

One writer who sort of thinks like a fan.

William Rhoden says something obvious, but something that isn't said often enough:

"What kind of husband he was, what kind of father he is, whether he sends his mother great gifts on Mother’s Day — all those questions faded to black on a warm Friday evening when he homered off the first pitch of his first at-bat. The storybook home run lifted a slumping team to a desperately needed victory.

In baseball terms, that’s real.

For one night in Baltimore, his high-priced team reeling, in desperate need of a lift, A-Rod made his season debut in Hollywood fashion. The entire dugout lit up. Yankees fans were ignited. C. C. Sabathia was inspired and pitched a shutout. This was a breakout game for him as well. Even Orioles fans, peeved once again by the presence of waves of New Yorkers in their midst, marveled — grudgingly — at Rodriguez’s perfectly timed home run."


Meanwhile, Joel Sherman ponders what would have happened if ARod had signed with the Mets.

Why is Joel Sherman asking this question in May 2009? I have no idea whatsoever. It's as if he has nothing baseball-related to write about since two professional baseball teams in New York are currently playing baseball.

Instead of concluding that the Mets may have won a World Series or two, Sherman states that Alex Rodriguez's "insincerity, insecurity and ego have been a counterweight to his talent, sucking the life out of an entire organization?"

So, there you go.

The life has been sucked out of the Yankee organization, and it is Alex Rodriguez who did it.

Which probably explains why the team has played so well without him this season.

Head's up.

Just a random rant.


Cano didn't exactly lay out for the first two grounders in the second inning.

Teixeira, Swisher, and Hughes also played poorly in the field during that inning, somewhat mitigating Hughes's lousy pitching performance.

However, my biggest gripe is Hughes lackadaisically backing up the catcher, unaware of the play behind him.

A lot like Robinson Cano's patented head's-in-the-cloud post-grounder jog into the outfield. As if it's too much effort to stop, turn around, and cover the base.


Point being: What is with the Yankees' minor league coaching? (Major league coaching, too, I suppose. Swisher should be fined about $10,000 in Kangaroo Court for mindlessly allowing himself to get picked off third base.)

Besides Andy Pettitte's amazing ability to pick off the baserunners, EVERY SINGLE YANKEE PLAYER who joins the major league team DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO PLAY FUNDAMENTALLY SOUND BASEBALL.

I can't think of any Yankee pitcher who knows how to hold a runner on base.

If a ground ball is hit to Joba Chamberlain with a runner on first base, I absolutely don't expect a double play. I expect the throw to second base to sail into the outfield.

Forget about bunting, even for a player like Melky Cabrera, who isn't exactly Reggie Jackson. Maybe a fourth outfielder / utility player could increase his value to the team by learning how to bunt.

Maybe Girardi should march up and down the bench and fine any player who doesn't know how many outs there are.


What are the Yankees doing in the minor leagues? What's the deal? Do these players think they can get by on talent alone?

I got 1360 on my SATs.

"The argument made in the defense of the users being elected into the Hall of Fame centers on the supposition that most players from the last 15 to 20 years were on something, so if these were the best players of the era, then they should be considered the best candidates for Cooperstown."

I don't think that's the argument at all.  The argument is to assess the effect that performance-enhancers had on this particular player's career.

Sosa probably would have been Chad Curtis is he hadn't taken steroids.  Bonds, Clemens, and ARod probably would have been among the greatest players of their generation if they hadn't taken steroids.

I know this assessment requires actual thinking by sportswriters, but your general inability to do so has resulted in the shrunken credibility of the HOF.

"Let's say your son or daughter is caught cheating while taking his or her SATs. But let's say 80 percent of the class also gets caught cheating. If almost everyone in the class was cheating, it's OK for your child to have done the same, right?

And, let's say he/she scored in the top 5 percent of the class on those tainted tests. Well, Stanford, Harvard and other elite schools should simply overlook the fact that these kids cheated, because almost everyone else did the same."

The analogy is a bit weak, but I think the answer is, "it depends."

SAT scores are not the only factor used to determine college admittance.  

If a student was under understandably intense pressure to score well on the SATs -- if this student had a consistent 4.0 GPA in high school -- if this student was yearbook editor, class President, and captain of the debate team -- if this student's parents had enough money to avoid the need for a scholarship -- if this student was a legacy -- if this student apologized profusely and re-took the SATs and scored well -- then maybe Stanford wouldn't want to lose this student to MIT.  

Maybe Stanford wants the recognition when this student goes on to win a Nobel Prize.

"So, a reward is in line for these kids. It's not such an easy argument anymore, is it?"

"It's not such an easy argument anymore, is it?"

 What a prick.  Pedro Gomez is talking down to you. 

We all thought the steroids/HOF discussion was easy and straightforward, but now my world view has changed because of Pedro Gomez's infantile SAT analogy.

"The Hall of Fame is not something to be viewed lightly. Not everyone gets in because it is the ultimate honor and the ultimate reward for major league players. Plus, right there among the list of rules on the cover sheet of the ballot is the following sentence: 'Voting shall be based upon the player's record, playing ability, integrity, sportsmanship, character, and contributions to the team(s) on which the player played.' "

Integrity.

Sportsmanship.

Character."

Too late.  

Gaylord Perry is already in the Hall of Fame.

Therefore, it's already the Hall of Shame.

Not especially.

"It is ludicrous to suggest that yesterday's sad revelation has any bearing whatsoever on the Red Sox' world championships in 2004 and 2007. Those titles are not tainted, no matter what the hypocritical Yankees fan in the next cubicle over tries to claim. To even suggest as much is to admit that you not only have a personal agenda in this (a deep dislike or jealousy of the Red Sox, for starters) or a complete lack of perspective regarding what will be recorded as baseball's Steroid Era."

if one is tainted, then they're all tainted.


"The Red Sox' championships are tainted? Really? Then I guess that applies to -- let's see -- pretty much every other World Series winner of the Steroid Era."

Yes, of course.

But, let me guess: You're going to fixate on Clemens, Pettitte, and even Jason Grimsley while conveniently ignoring Manny, Ortiz, Trot Nixon, Jason Varitek, and Pedro Martinez.


"For the sport of it, let's quickly zip through the list, starting in 1995 after the players' strike through the Red Sox' victory in 2004, and see how many of those 10 teams have had a player implicated for performance-enhancing drug use at some point:"

All of them, including the Red Sox.

"So there you go. If the Sox' titles are tainted, then so is every single World Series in a 10-year stretch up until their victory. Especially the Yankees' last two championships."

Not especially the Yankees.  That's an ignorant stance.  It demonstrates that you have a personal agenda in this or a complete lack of perspective regarding what will be recorded as baseball's Steroid Era.

No double standard here.

First comment I heard regarding Manny was Peter Gammons incomprehensibly defending the man and also saying that Bud Selig really cares deeply about the integrity of the game.

I know the 2004 Dirt Dog Sawx are very, very important to a lot of people.

I just think you have to accept the fact that some of the players on that team were taking steroids. The teams they beat also had players who were taking steroids.

I suppose that ruins the good feelings for some fans, but I'm not sure that it should. I personally don't look to baseball players for moral guidance.

To be honest, Manny's suspension doesn't faze me too much. Do your fifty games, come back and hit homeruns for your team. Rob Neyer pointed out that the Dodgers should easily win their weak division, anyway, and Manny will come back rested and ready for the playoffs.

But all the Sox fans who celebrated the Mitchell Report because it focused on NY teams should have known better:

"The idea that there could ever be a moral line that Ramirez would not cross is funnier than 'The Family Guy.' Here is a man who each spring refused to walk 50 feet to say hello to the young patients from the Jimmy Fund Clinic, who declined to meet with the wounded troops at Walter Reed and who stiffed the kids at his old high school in New York City. He hit a young clubhouse attendant in Cleveland and a 64-year-old traveling secretary in Boston. He slapped one Red Sox teammate last season and quit on all the rest, and perhaps now we can better understand his belligerent behavior in his final days in Boston. I believe the technical term is ’roid rage.

...

So are we to believe Ramirez just discovered the joys of performance enhancing drugs when he reached LA? Not unless we’re as gullible as McCourt. The fact is there is no reason to believe Ramirez was clean for 7 years in Boston, and every reason to think he just figured out a way to beat the system.

Good timing. Good masking agents. A helpful heads-up from slimy union boss Gene Orza. Somehow Ramirez stayed a step ahead of the posse in Boston, which means the Sox escape without a scratch. It brings to mind a scene from the movie 'The Sting' when the mark can’t figure out how he keeps losing to Paul Newman. He asks Robert Redford how his partner keeps winning. 'That’s easy,' said Redford. 'He cheats.'

He just didn’t get caught, and until now, neither did Manny. Ramirez boasted in his statement yesterday that he passed 15 drug tests, which, of course, means nothing. Clemens and Bonds and A-Rod all passed many tests, too. It doesn’t make them innocent. It just means they were smart enough not to shoot up before peeing in a cup. Manny wasn’t so smart, and now everyone is asking if we were surprised that Ramirez got caught.

You bet we were surprised.

Surprised it took so long."

Embarrassing.

When I said ARod would hit a HR before Ortiz, I was only joking.

Things you learn on sports radio.

I just learned that Cano is slumping because Melky is the starting CFer. Think about it. When Melky was benched, Cano was playing well.

If this caller is allowed to vote in the United States of America, then I'll be perfectly willing to revert back to a monarchy. Democracy is clearly a failed experiment. The Founding Fathers didn't realize human beings could be this stupid. It was the loophole they couldn't have imagined.

I wish the Yankees had played well without ARod, but they didn't.

I take no happiness in the fact that the Yankees played poorly without their best player. I wish Ransom had batted .300.

Most particularly, I never want to hear again how much better the team will perform without ARod. I don't understand the theory in the first place. But you could take a pitcher out of the bullpen and blindfold him and he'd probably bat better with RISP than Mark Teixeira.

You know, even if you hate your teammate, you still need to see the ball and hit the ball. Don't worry too much about the postgame interview:

"Just look at all that's gone wrong in the five weeks of the regular season that he's missed:

Xavier Nady and Jorge Posada have gone down with injuries. Mark Teixeira is probably putting far too much pressure on himself with A-Rod out. Brett Gardner as the starting centerfielder lasted, oh, a few weeks.

Should we keep going? OK, Rodriguez's replacements at third base have been a disaster. No one can come through with a big hit. Doesn't it seem that when the Yankees need a big hit, it's constantly Jose Molina or Ramiro Pena up? And, the bullpen is pathetically bad. Maybe A-Rod can pitch, too."

Obviously, ARod can't pitch and ARod will sometimes fo 0-for-5, too.

ARod won't solve all these problems by himself.

My biggest gripe is that this team seemed willing to tread water while they waited for ARod to return. That is largely Girardi's fault.