It's all Nick Swisher's fault.

"Curled up on couches, the National League champion Philadelphia Phillies must have broken into Cheshire cat grins. These New York Yankees are powerful, but not so perfect after all. These Los Angeles Angels are plucky, but they’ll undo themselves as often as not."

You're wrong.

The Yankees are perfect. Their #8 hitter, Nick Swisher, is the first batter since Ted Williams to bat .400 over the course of an entire season.


"The only thing more promising to the Phillies than watching Angels closer Brian Fuentes try to retire Yankees batter Nick Swisher with the bases loaded and two out in the ninth was watching Swisher try to square up one of Fuentes’ eminently hittable offerings."

Jeez. Batters make outs all the time.

Were the Phillies watching the Yankees put up a six-spot in the 7th inning?


"It was like capping a spectacular meal with stale cake and lukewarm coffee."

I agree. Swisher should have hit a homerun.


"The 7-6 victory Thursday night that kept the Angels alive in the American League Championship Series and forced a Game 6 on Saturday in New York was rife with heroics. It just didn’t end with any."

Unless you're the Angels pitcher.


"Fuentes entered in the ninth and recorded two quick outs, bringing up Alex Rodriguez. Manager Mike Scioscia has zero confidence in Fuentes’ ability to retire the Yankees slugger since their 11th-inning matchup in Game 2 resulted in a home run, so A-Rod was walked intentionally. But rather than attack the left-handed Hideki Matsui, Fuentes picked around the strike zone, walking him. Then he hit Robinson Cano, loading the bases."

Thanks for the recap, Mr. Sports Writer!


"Two teams with questions will go at it at least once more in the ALCS. The team that had all the answers in the NLCS will relax and enjoy watching. Especially if weaknesses continue to be revealed the way they were by Fuentes and Swisher."

Both the AL teams are really good. Not "perfect," but really good.

The teams combined for 13 runs. During the process, 51 players made out, which is typical of major-league baseball games. I don't really know why Swisher's particular would have much of an effect on the outcome of the World Series. Cliff Lee might give up four HRs in the first inning of game one.

For cryin' out loud.

The Yankees have lost one whole playoff game and have two home games remaining in the ALCS. The Yankee starters for those games are Pettitte and Sabathia, not Shawn Chacon and Kevin Brown.

We get it: It's the playoffs. Every game is either pivotal or must-win.

But this particular game is a must-win for the Angels.

It's not a must-win for the Yankees.

Joke Torre.

Just caught a Joe Torre press conference.

Talked about a Springsteen concert and the 1998 Yankees.

Let's go Philly.

You are right, a lot of other people are wrong.

"I'd like to think the above paragraphs will help to put an end to the myth that October is somehow different. Sabathia and Rodriguez had assembled recent track records in postseason play that served to define them as failures in the eyes of many who want to believe that success on a baseball diamond is a moral issue. You cannot evaluate baseball players on a handful of starts or plate appearances, and that remains true no matter the date. Given time, all players perform at their established levels, and that's what we're seeing now from Sabathia and Rodriguez. Would that this lesson took hold, but even I'm not that naïve."

When people say ARod has 5 HRs in his last 7 postseason games, I'd like to remind them that he hit a HR in his final 2007 postseason game.

So it's really 6 HRs in his last 8 postseason games.

Prorate that for a full season, son.

2-for-18.

So, he's a $20 million player choker, right?

Right?

Anybody?

Nobody cares about the $20 million first baseman hitting .111?

Interesting.

So everybody is suddenly aware of the pitfalls of analyzing small sample sizes. Unless we're talking about ARod. Who has to hit a homerun every game.

Today's lesson.

Playoff baseball is the same as regular season baseball.

If your team hits homeruns, then hit homeruns in the playoffs.

Don't waste roster spots on pinch runners.

Jeff Passan says Torre is overrated.

"One look at Alex Rodriguez this postseason, just killing everything he sees, and it’s evident: Something is different. Left unsaid is the reason he dare not mention, because A-Rod has finally learned that sometimes the truth is best read between the lines.

Joe Torre is gone from New York, and the Yankees are better for it."

I actually agree with that conclusion.

First of all, the bullpen management that Girardi is currently being criticized for ... I mean, c'mon, get serious. Torre would have thrown Pettitte for 7 2/3 innings, invoking the 1996 World Series, and then Torre would have brought in Bruney for the rest of the game.

Or, more likely, the Yankees wouldn't have a bullpen. They'd all have been Scott Proctored during the regular season.

Also, while the player is ultimately responsible for their on-field performance, Torre was a prick. Torre only cared about the Four Ring Club and everybody else was treated like a dog.

"It also reinforces the double standard that exists for Torre as he skates to his ninth straight season without a championship after winning four in five years with the Yankees."

That's why it's offensive to listen to Torre continually bring up the past successes. He even did it after the Yankees lost to Detroit in the playoffs.

"Torre starred in a commercial before he managed a game in Los Angeles. He wrote a tell-all book about his decade with the Yankees after spending a year with the Dodgers. Torre is about Torre."

Yep.

"The pregame scouting report, Mr. Torre? Bigelow Tea moved 650,000 units and your cut is $24,000."

" 'Ain’t nothing Mr. Torre can do,' Dodgers second baseman Orlando Hudson said. 'His playing days are over with. All he can do is put the lineup out there and tell us to go about it.

'What can he do? Come over here, bend us all over and spank us?' "

No, he wouldn't bend you over and spank you. He'd ask you to sit on his lap while he tells stories about Warren Spahn.

Perhaps there's nothing Torre can do.

Perhaps managers receive too much credit and too much blame.

If so, Torre may need to refund his $4 million.

Out of curiosity, how many runs were the Yankees going to score in the 12th inning?

And who was going to close the game? Robertson? Aceves? You're 100% sure that strategy would have worked?

At least change the tone of the discussion. The Yankees might have won if Robertson had stayed in the game. There's really no reason to think they would have won.

Maybe Pettitte was supposed to throw 10 innings and 180 pitches, and then Rivera could have pitched the last 2 innings. After the Yankees scored 4 or 5 runs in the 12th.

I also wonder what Lupica would be saying if Robertson had given up a HR to Kendrick.

"Joe! Why didn't you use Aceves?"

The bullpen should never give up a run.

The Yankee bullpen allowed two runs over four innings and it's described as a "collapse." I'd say the Yankee offense "collapsed" over the final six innings.

Joba gives up one run and his outing is described as "disastrous." I'd say Mark Teixeira's offense has been a lot more "disastrous."

When teams lose close games, the manager is often blamed, and the blame is almost always assigned to the last bullpen move. Because the bullpen should have an ERA of 0.00 and your team should always win:

"There are things a manager can do and things he can't do. A manager can't really win any games for his team. But he damned well better not lose any."

Or what?

A 45-year-old with a porn star mustache will write a nasty article in the newspaper?


"Monday, Joe Girardi lost one for the Yankees, 5-4, in 11 innings to the Los Angeles Angels, who now have a reason to believe they can come back and win this thing."

Blame for yesterday's loss, in order:

1) Swisher.

2) Pettitte.

3) Aceves.

4) Joba.

5) Melky.

6) Teixeira.

7) Cashman.

8) Girardi.


"Because despite having swept the first two games in the series and having a golden opportunity to go up 3-0 Monday and put a stranglehold on the Angels and the series, Girardi is the one who managed scared Monday, who managed, in fact, as if it was his team that absolutely could not afford to lose."

Yes, the Yankees had a golden opportunity to take a 3-0 lead, that is definitely true. Swisher really needs to hit a sac fly. The sac fly that will put his team in the World Series.

Or I've got an even better idea, which may sound completely crazy. Ready, everybody? How about a postseason RBI by Robinson Cano?

Girardi's team underperformed and some of his managerial moves backfired. But he wasn't scared.


"If the Yankees lose Tuesday, a definite possibility with Sabathia going on three days' rest and Chad Gaudin the only fresh arm in the bullpen, then we are back to even in this series but with all the momentum flowing back to the Angels."

Hey, Mr. Stupid, all the bullpen arms are fresh. Yesterday, they pitched ten pitches or less.

Oh, and if the Yankees win Tuesday ... a definite possibility with CC Sabathia vs. Scott Kazmir ... a definite possibility with Jeter, Damon, Teixeira, Matsui, Posada, and ARod ... then Girardi is one win from the World Series.


" .... to pulling Johnny Damon for Jerry Hairston Jr. on defense in the 10th, which resulted in a triple-whammy - the loss of the DH, the loss of Damon, who had homered earlier, and the need to pinch hit for Mariano Rivera in the 11th when Mo was still fresh enough to have pitched the 11th."

Mo was still fresh enough to have pitched the 11th?

If that's true, then Mo should be fresh enough to pitch tomorrow.

Which is impossible, since Gaudin is the only fresh bullpen arm.


"Winning the game was the job of the players. Girardi's job was simply not to lose it for them. Monday, he did."

I like how everybody is suddenly a big David Robertson fan. As if removing David Robertson from a tie playoff game is akin to benching Scottie Pippen.


If anything, Girardi's trigger finger was too slow: He removed Pettitte two batters too late and he removed Hughes one batter too late.

The biggest Yankee mistake was Pettitte's 2-2 pitch to Guerrero. This mistake occurred in the sixth inning and maybe that's why everybody has forgotten about it.

On the other side, Scioscia used six pitchers, including one starting pitcher out of the bullpen, and he had another starting pitcher warming up in the bullpen. I suppose Scioscia was managing scared.


My biggest gripe with Girardi's in-game moves is the Gardner pinch-running decision, which may have cost the Yankees the game. No need to get caught stealing. No need to take Matsui out of the game. Sit back and wait for a HR.

I don't know why the playoffs start and teams forget who they are. I don't know why everybody in baseball suddenly over-emphasizes small ball.


Other than that, the biggest mistakes were made before the game even started ... before the series even started.

Three catchers and two pinch runners? The Yankees might have won yesterday if Eric Hinske or Shelley Duncan were on the roster. Maybe Albaladejo or Bruney could have helped out more than Freddy Guzman.

You're bringing up the 1996 World Series?

"Earlier in the afternoon, Torre had declared Game 3 a key to the series.

'It's a momentum changer,' Torre said. 'In the past, I've had (Mike) Mussina pitch in Oakland because he can pitch well there, and we were fortunate to win that game. And David Cone in the '96 World Series, I picked him for Game 3 because he was the only one that had pitched in Atlanta.' "

During the telecast, the broadcasters said that Torre also compared two of the current Dodger players to Bernie Williams and Paul O'Neill. Torre also compared Cliff Lee to Warren Spahn.


I mean, how much are the Dodgers paying you to manage their team?

Can't you at least learn the names of the players on your team?

Is this the 2009 NLCS or the Joe Torre Nostalgia Tour?

Let's see ... Rush Limbauh, Isiah Thomas, Pedro Martinez ...

... maybe I'll write something about Alex Rodriguez if I have to:

"Alex Rodriguez keeps saying that when you think hip surgery, you think Bo Jackson, but I'm thinking there have been one or two improvements for fixing hips since Bo went down.

Sounds good, though."

Yeah, ARod is a dick.

Oh, and another thing, ARod may very well be invoking Bo Jackson. I don't know if he keeps saying it, but it's the first I've heard of it.

In fact, I don't think ARod is doing much whining or must chest-thumping.

Just a lot of hitting.

I predict bad grammar.

"The Yankees can't afford to give free bases to the Angels, and they're my pick tonight."

Betcha don't know which team is Jesse Spector's pick to win game two of the ALCS.

It's called a "dangling participle" and, really, Jesse Spector should be fired on the spot.

Save the drama for your mama.

The Yankees had a three-run lead in the ninth inning and Mariano Rivera came in to close the game.

Mariano, of course, has a career postseason ERA of 0.74.

Mariano walked the first batter (squeezed by the home plate ump, if you ask me) and then got three easy outs.

After Vlad k'd, Juan Rivera was the batter with the dangerous Kendry Morales on deck.

As a Yankee fan viewing the action, I felt quite comfortable.

Naturally, anything can happen, but there's really nothing more a team can ask for than to have a three-run lead in the ninth inning with Mariano on the mound. Other than a four-run lead with Mariano on the mound. Or a five-run lead with Mariano on the mound. Or a ten-run lead with Mariano on the mound.

Anyway, Joe Buck pointed out that Kendry Morales had 34 HRs this year and, you know, the Angels weren't out of it.

I'm not sure if Buck is creating drama, which is part of his job, or just wishfully rooting against the Yankees, which often seems like it's part of his job.

But, just to counteract the danger of Morales's 34 HRs in 2009, I'd like to present a few Mariano Rivera stats:

1) 22 HRs allowed lifetime vs. lefties in 2,106 at-bats.

2) 2 postseason HRs allowed.

3) 0 postseason HRs allowed vs. lefties.

Good luck, Kendry. You'll need it.

Third in the league in steals, first in the league in caught stealing.

The team that hits the most HRs will win the ALCS.

So what you're saying is that the best way to get Alex Rodriguez out is to make good pitches ...

... it sounds crazy, but let me think about it:

"In their scouting report for that first-round playoff series, according to a person with knowledge of it at the time, the Angels told their pitchers that it was crucial to pound A-Rod inside with fastballs, the goal being to make him so inside-conscious that it affects his approach."

In other words, if Rodriguez was worried enough about being pitched hard inside, then he might not react as well to fastballs and breaking stuff on the outer half of the plate, where he is most dangerous." I think that goes for ARod and every other player who every played baseball.

It's called "pitching."


"As a scout from a different AL team said yesterday: 'The book on (A-Rod) hasn't changed over the years. You need to come inside hard, above the hands. That's where his hole (in his swing) is. If you get his attention in there, then you have a better chance of getting him to chase breaking stuff away.' "

Just don't miss, or ARod might hit it very far.


Good work, by the way, John Harper.

Very timely analysis of Alex Rodriguez's swing, and very revealing.

Breaking news: The book on Mariano Rivera is that he throws a cut fastball. So, look out for the cut fastball.

Bill Plaschke questions Joe Torre's baseball managerial decisions.

So why did you leave Kershaw in to pitch to Howard?:

"You know, to me he's a starting pitcher in Game 1, so I felt that's what I wanted to do."

Nice.

I'm not even saying it was a bad managerial move. I'm just saying it's completely pointless to ask Joe Torre to explain his managerial decisions. He has no idea what you're talking about.

When Plaschke first asked Torre why he left Kershaw in the game, Torre responded, "Who?"

An admittedly obscure message for Joe Mauer.

Vladimir Guerrero finally gets a big postseason hit.

Which must mean one thing: Kate Hudson is a slut.

In Little League, I was taught to keep my eye on the ball.

Nice catch on the "triple" in the sixth inning, too, you bum.

Let Damon get it.

.125.

Will Torre move Manny down in the batting order?

Yup.

"They had just parted with Manager Joe Torre. They had lost their third division series in a row, chiefly because their No. 1 starter, Chien-Ming Wang, had been trounced twice. They needed an ace like the Twins’ Johan Santana, and the general partner Hank Steinbrenner wanted him badly.

Yet, the Yankees made no deal. They had the money to pay Santana, and the prospects to get him, starting with pitcher Phil Hughes. But General Manager Brian Cashman never authorized a formal trade proposal because he saw another pitcher on the horizon: C. C. Sabathia.

...

The wait was painful. The Yankees missed the playoffs in 2008, winning 89 games but never seriously contending. Santana had 16 wins for the Mets. Hughes had none for the Yankees."

And now Santana is injured.

It's Girardi's fault.

"And yet for one or two games in this AL division series they will be starting a catcher, Jose Molina, who is batting .217 with a .268 slugging percentage, who can barely make it from first to third on those rare occasions when he gets on base.

For this development, you can't blame Molina, who is doing his best."

That's kind of presumptuous, but nobody questioned his effort, just his ability.

I see no reason to pick Molina over Cervelli for backup catcher.

"You can't blame Jorge Posada, who has worked hard all season to climb on the same page with A.J. Burnett."

Again, somewhat presumptuous, but it's not even worth discussing.

I could call a big-league ballgame for A.J. Burnett: "Stop walking people, you tattooed, overrated, overpaid piece of garbage."


"You can't blame Joe Girardi at this late stage. He is simply trying to coax a decent playoff start out of his No. 2 pitcher, hoping to make Burnett more comfortable."

Of course Girardi deserves the blame.

For the sake of argument, let's just say that Burnett has trouble communicating with Posada. Once Girardi is aware of this, then one of the priorities for the rest of the season is to improve communication between Burnett and Posada. Molina should have never caught Burnett again.

Because the playoffs are coming and it's important for Posada to catch when Burnett is pitching.

Because you don't want to play the catcher with the .268 slugging percentage.

One star.

It is quite true the Yankees are not infallible.

The top three issues are not Sabathia, ARod, and Girardi.

John Flaherty Redux.

The last time Posada was benched in the playoffs, the Yankee pitcher gave up 5 runs in 3 innings.

What about Justin Verlander and Ron Gardenhire?

Now the Yankees are a "lock."


That's not what Lupica said on TV the same day.

But, whatever.

When you pick both sides of an argument, you can never be wrong.

Lupica: Mariano Rivera is good.

Of course, Lupica is one of the few people in the Universe who has suggested on numerous occasions that Papelbon is better.

So, yeah.

Lupica is a liar and a hypocrite.


"He struggles in one or two games early in the season, and people start saying he's done. Then he pitches the way he pitched this season and he's back to being as great as ever."

Right.

The "people" who start saying he's done.

People such as Mike Lupica.

"Sometimes you think: If he doesn't give up the home run to Sandy Alomar in Game 4 of the ALDS in 1997 … if he gets out of it against the Diamondbacks somehow … if he doesn't walk Kevin Millar to start the bottom of the ninth in Game 4 in '04 … then maybe he has won seven World Series already with the Yankees.

Well, since 4 + 3 = 7, then he'd probably have won 7 World Series with the Yankees.

Of course, in 1997, the Yankees would have still have had to win two more rounds. But I'll give them the victory over the Cardinals in 2004 ... though it's a bit dismissive of a team that won 105 games in the regular season.

So, what's your point? Did you just want to prove you can perform simple arithmetic?


I mean, that's how the playoffs work in baseball. If you win every series, you win the World Series and you're the champion. If you lose, then you're not the champion.

If Rocker, Benitez, Hoffman, and Wohlers could have closed out their games, then maybe Mariano has zero rings.

Remember me?

I just think it's funny that none of the unofficial AL Cy Young "polls" list Halladay as a candidate.

Uh oh.

New rule: No more ex-catchers for managers.

Seriously, if Gir-orre actually starts Molina behind the plate for a single playoff game, I truly hope the starting pitcher gives up 14 runs in the first inning, killing once and for all the absurd notion of the importance of "calling a game."

"Anything worthwhile is worth waiting for."

Words of wisdom.

The Dodgers have waited 20 years for a World Series title.

Here's to making it 21 years.

"Whatever the ideal onomatopoeia for regurgitation – is it blergh, or mmblah, or rawlf, or huaaaa?"

The ideal onomatopoeia for regurgitation is blergh.


"The Central could today find its prom king, and he is riddled with acne, bad grades and a hooptie. The Detroit Tigers are a feel-good story, conquerors from a conquered city, and if this afternoon they beat their greatest challenger, the Minnesota Twins – braces, trombone player, never kissed a girl – they will win the division and start the postseason at Yankee Stadium."

Jeez, the Yankees are the clear favorites, but the Tigers aren't that bad.

1967 called and wanted their power numbers back.

Red Sox fetishist claims to be impressed with David Ortiz's 2009 power numbers:

"What kind of odds could you have gotten in Vegas in May that David Ortiz - who didn't hit his first home run until May 20 - would get to 30 home runs and 100 RBI this season?"

I don't know what kind of odds you'd get. 2:1? 3:1?

A 6' 6", 275-lb. DH playing half his games in Fenway Park? A guy who, just a few years ago, was pushing 50/150?

Is 30 HRs and 100 RBIs a lot?

I truly think if 4' 11" Brian Roberts batted in David Ortiz's place, Roberts would have had 100 RBIs this season.

If Ortiz has a good final week, he'll be almost as good as Nick Swisher or Jose Lopez?

No, I guess not, because Ortiz can't field and he can't run.

Talk to me when his slugging percentage is higher than Shin-Soo Choo's.


Oh, and by the way, Ortiz doesn't even have 30 HRs and 100 RBIs yet.

Which team is a cinch to win the World Series?

Picking a team to lose in the playoffs is easy. I pick all teams to lose. I will be correct 7 out of 8 times.

???

Curt Schilling on Alex Rodriguez:

"His problem has always been that he's a guy with holes and you can pitch to those holes," Schilling said. "For a guy that's as good as he is, he still strikes out a lot. Guys who strike out a lot tend to have a tough time in October."

Babe Ruth struck out a lot.

Reggie Jackson struck out a lot.

David Ortiz strikes out a lot.

#28.

Yankees win the World Series again, second time this year.

With Burnett on the mound, no less.

In terms of "messages," maybe beating the Angels helps Girardi's cred. We know Mr. Bigelow couldn't beat the Angels.

It's a nightmare for Tiger fans!

Verlander pitches like this while Sabathia pitches like this!

2009 ALDS, game two at Yankee Stadium, down 1-0, Burnett pitching like this, and Fernando Rodney is your closer. You know, Fernando Rodney: A 32-year-old with 7 2/3 postseason innings.

Which is why the Yankee fans need to be worried.

.378 with the bases empty.

.259 with runners on base.

.211 with runners in scoring position.

Let's not talk about the 1998 Yankees.

Another opinion that credits the 1998 Yankees for teamwork rather than immense talent.

I can't even get into a point-by-point argument because the premise isn't even worth discussing.

• Simply replacing Melky/Gardner in CF with Bernie Williams is probably worth 15 wins.
• The 1998 Yankees had a #5 starter who won 13 games.
• Every single game, the 1998 Yankees had the superior starting pitcher. Every single game out of 162. No, not really, but close.

You know, the Yankees won 100 games three years in a row from 2001 - 2003. Before you take on the 1998 titans, try the 2002 team. (Which is actually one of my favorite Yankee teams due to Karim Garcia Index.)

In other words, before you get to Paul O'Neill, start by comparing Nick Swisher to John Vander Wal.


I mean, even the idea that 2009 ARod is better than 1998 Brosius.

Brosius drove in 98 runs in 1998.

The 2009 Yankee third baseman is not Alex Rodriguez. The 2009 Yankee third baseman is ARod-Hairston-Pena-Ransom-Berroa. While ARod is clearly a more talented baseball player than Scott Brosius, the 2009 version of ARod-Hairston-Pena-Ransom-Berroa is simply not as talented as the 1998 version of Scott Brosius.


The 1998 Yankees are a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence where a bunch of great player all have career years at the same time.

It was great when it happened.

It was eleven years ago.

Stop talking about it.

Oh, gee, the Yankees could never beat the Red Sox.

It would be a miracle to get past Verlander and the Tigers. It will be nearly impossible to keep home-field advantage against MVP Morales, Figgins, and Scioscia.

So, no, I hadn't even considered the ALCS, because you've already convinced me that winning the ALDS will be too difficult:

"But now the batting order has organized around Martinez, and David Ortiz, after a bad start that was almost Biblical, still has a chance to finish with 30 home runs and 100 RBI. The Yankees are first in the league in hitting. But the Red Sox happen to be third. They are also third in pitching. The Yankees are sixth."

I like that: Sixth in "pitching."

As if there was a measurement called "pitching," and the Yankees ranked sixth.

"A month ago, it was the Red Sox who had more questions about pitching, and not just with their starters. Now the Yankees don't even know who pitches Game 2 of the division series. CC Sabathia may win the Cy Young - although Mo should - but the last time he had a big playoff game to pitch in the American League, Game 5 of the 2007 ALCS against the Red Sox, the Indians up three games to one, a chance to pitch the Indians into the World Series, the Red Sox took him apart"

1) Greinke should win the Cy Young.

2) It was you, not us, who predicted the end of Mariano's career in April. Remember the Jason Bay HR?

3) I totally forgot about Game 5 of the 2007 ALCS. How could I forget about Game 5 of the 2007 ALCS? Now I'm totally worried.


So, Lupica has now hyped up the Tigers, the Angels, and the Red Sox.

He forgot about Mauer and the Twins. I know there is a good chance that the Twins won't even make the playoffs, but Lupica should cover all his bases and scare Yankee fans as much as possible.

Love this guy.

ARod goes .300/40/120 every year, wins three MVPs, boosts attendance 33% at home and probably 300% on the road. Gives bad press conferences and is therefore considered a bust:

"Hampton can become a free agent after this season. He signed an eight-year, $121 million deal with Colorado after the 2000 season, and has gone 63-62 since then."

Yankees win the World Series.

Burnett is 11 - 9 and he isn't very good.

Career 98 - 85:

"More than perhaps any other Yankee, Burnett could undermine a 100-plus win team come the postseason."

You never know.

Hughes might blow a save, Melky might drop a fly ball, Damon might throw a ball into the stands because he thinks it's the third out, Teixeira might leave 15 men on base in one game.


"He is penciled in to start Oct. 9, Game 2 of the Division Series."

Is he?

I'd go with Pettitte.

Though the road/home splits suggest otherwise, I'd still go with the lefty at Yankee Sadium.



"And Yankees fans already have imagined the nightmare scenario: Justin Verlander outduels CC Sabathia in Game 1 and it is up to Burnett to keep the Yankees from heading to Motown down 0-2 in a best-of-five."

Yankee fans and their nightmare scenarios.

How unimaginative.

My personal nightmare scenario usually involves a fiery plan crash combined with Suzyn Waldman's head morphed onto a talking dog. Most of my nightmares involve transmogrified animals.

Oh, and Torre winning a World Series with the Dodgers.

So ...

1. Entire Yankee team injured in a fiery plane crash, forcing the Yankees to play the ALDS with the Scranton-Wilkes Barre team.
   
2. Suzyn Waldman's head on a talking dog.
   
3. Torre's Dodgers winning the World Series.

Losing game one of the ALDS seems quite tame in comparison.


"Burnett might just be a version of David Wells or Orlando Hernandez, needing the urgency of October to fully engage a flitting attention span. So you can imagine him dominating with his awesome stuff."

Awesome stuff, dude.

A.J. Burnett's curveball is, like, so pitted.



"In his first season as a Yankee, Burnett has shown the ability to be unhittable and awful, often in the same game."

Every pitcher is unhittable every game. Except for the times when the other team gets hits against them.

"Why is Burnett so susceptible to such destructive detours? Well, he has a lot of combustible qualities that do much to negate a fastball/curve combo that at times is overwhelming.

He is tied for the most walks in the majors and has unleashed three more wild pitches than anyone else. There have been 21 stolen bases with Burnett pitching, tied for fifth worst in the majors. And he already has allowed a career-worst 24 homers. Put those all together with a wandering focus and you have a guy who pitches below the quality of top-tier stuff."

Burnett is not very good.

Never has been.

I think he'll pitch well enough to get a win in the ALDS ... if the Yankees score a lot of runs.

Be afraid of the Angels.

Last week, it was the Tigers.

This week, it's the Angels.

Next week, it will be the Red Sox or the Rangers:

"The way A.J. Burnett is pitching, Mike Mussina may have to start Game 2 of the playoffs.

Seriously?

How can a team be on the kind of rip the have been for months, and have this many questions with its pitching staff?"

To answer your question, the offense is how a team can be on this kind of rip for months and have this many questions with its pitching staff.

Starting staff, to be precise. The bullpen has been quite good.


"Angels fans must look at Kendry Morales' stats and wonder why anybody from the Yankees is more of an MVP candidate than Morales is."

The Yankee players are not "more of" candidates.

Just because Mike Lupica didn't notice Kendry Morales until this morning, when Lupica decided to hype up the Angels, doesn't mean the rest of the baseball-viewing public is unaware of Morales's season.


"For everything the Yankees have done this season, they came out of yesterday a total of four games better than the Angels in the loss column."

Only four games? Is Lupica being serious? The best record in baseball, but it's only four games?


Flashback to April. Most people predicted a third-place AL East finish for the Yankees.

The Yankees finished in third place in the AL East the year before and, this year, they were going to be hampered by ARod's steroid confessions.

Right?


So now that the season has worked out so well, we're supposed to forget about it and worry about Justin Verlander, Kendry Morales, Josh Beckett, and Ian Kinsler.

It has been a very enjoyable and successful Yankee season.

You can ask anybody except for Mike Lupica.

I knew Babe Ruth. You're no Babe Ruth.

"In an eyeblink, the ball was past Chris Richard at first base, rolling on the outfield grass, and now Yankee Stadium -- the new one, the one Derek Jeter helped build every bit as much as Babe Ruth built the old place -- was a clamorous combination of Times Square on New Year's and the Garden for a U2 encore."

Let's say Jeter is the most popular Yankee ever. (Untrue.)

Let's say Jeter is the most popular baseball player ever. (Untrue.)

Let's even say Jeter was solely responsbile for the four Championships in the late '90s. (Untrue.)

Even if these exaggerations were true, Jeter's influence on the Yankees and Yankee Stadium is not nearly the same as Ruth's influence on the Yankees and Yankee Stadium.

Old Yankee Stadium was literally designed to help Babe Ruth hit homeruns and also to save baseball from the Black Sox scandal.


This is the endless problem with the Jeter discussion.

Jeter is one of the best shortstops to ever play baseball. It's a particular joy to watch him hustle and play fundamentally sound baseball, especially when the second baseman and the CFer can't run a whole ninety feet. I completely understand why he represents old-school hustle and team-first attitude and even a pre-steroids, pre-freak-show game. Jeter has merely one grand slam in his career, and this negative stat is a badge of honor in Jeter's small-ball throwback universe.

But ...

• Jeter isn't the best Yankee ever.
• Jeter isn't the best baseball player ever.
• Jeter isn't the 2009 AL MVP.

When you compare Jeter's accomplishments to Babe Ruth's or Lou Gehrig's, you really sound ignorant.

No, really.

If Lou Gehrig drove in 175 runs, he'd get a pay cut.

Modern baseball would probably cease to exist without Babe Ruth. It would be cricket.


"They had waited for this and wanted this, each of the 45,848 who sat through an otherwise tedious scrimmage, this 4-2 Yankees victory just another small acceleration in the passing lane as autumn beckons."

"Tedious scrimmage."

I thought it was one of the most exciting baseball games I've ever attended.

Fraud.

Manager intentionally walks two batters in a row to load the bases. Naturally, the pitcher then unintentionally walks in the winning run:

"Joe Torre chose to look on the bright side after the Los Angeles Dodgers walked in the winning run in a 4-3 loss to the Arizona Diamondbacks on Wednesday night.

...

'I'm very positive about this series,' Torre said. 'This was a disappointment, this game. You'd like to win the ballgame, but you had your opportunities.'

...

Torre said he walked Drew and Upton to set up a force at home. He also hoped Troncoso could strike out Reynolds, who leads the majors with 190 strikeouts."

As if Joe Torre knows Reynolds or any of Reynolds's stats.

Completely insane.

It's somewhat refreshing to see this idiotic "pressure" argument being applied to somebody besides ARod, but this is jaw-dropping in its ignorance:

"Suddenly, the normally unflappable Derek Jeter is finding the rarified air where the Yankee deities reside can be suffocating."

Guy goes a whole eight at-bats without getting a hit.

Hit the ball hard, too.


"But while he may be starting to make a dent on the Yankee deities, they are still all what they are - in a separate class insofar as the greatest Yankees of all time. On that list, the best Jeter can be viewed right now is sixth - behind Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle and Yogi Berra. DiMaggio, Mantle and Berra all won three Most Valuable Player awards apiece to Jeter's none, while Ruth and Gehrig undoubtedly would have won their share of MVPs had most of their careers not occurred before 1931 when the award was incepted."

"Incepted"?

Bill Madden, how sure are you that "incepted" is a word?

It might be one of those modern made-up words -- I'm all for the malleability of the English language -- and it may be acceptable for Scrabble -- but, at best, it's an assault on the eardrums.

No matter: Wordsmithing is hardly the biggest problem with this article.

Wallace Matthews says something nice.

Praises Joe Girardi even:

"Mattingly would never do that. Hell, he wasn't even going to replace any of Torre's coaches, not even the ones who grumbled behind Torre's back that he spent too much time on the Racing Form and not enough on the lineup card.

As a Yankees employee told me, 'It had become a country club in there.'

Under Mattingly, Cashman suspected it was going to be business as usual, and that wasn't going to be good enough.

...

But Girardi has brought his own brand of tough love to this party, banishing candy, soda and junk food from the players' lounge but letting music and kids back into the clubhouse.

It's not exactly Parris Island in there, but it's not Torre's day spa, either."

I completely agree.

But is Girardi as good a baseball manager as Tom Coughlin?

I'd rather be Joe Girardi.

Since the Mets are 26 games behind the Yankees, Mike Lupica has to look elsewhere to find an imaginary "battle of New York":

"Maybe this all changes with the Yankees in October, and even into November, and Joe Girardi pays off on the No. 27 he wears on his back and the Yankees finally win it all"

Finally.

Nine whole years for the Yankees and two whole years for Girardi to finally win it all.

You sound like an arrogant jerk. The kind of ignorant Yankee fan who believes the Universe is out of order just because the Yankees aren't World series champs.


"You know if it happens like that there will be the perception in New York - but only in New York - that order has finally been restored to the universe."

Ignorant, arrogant jerks -- like you.


"Since the last time the Yankees won the World Series, in 2000, that Subway Series over the Mets, the only local team (outside of hockey) to have won it all is Coughlin's."

(outside of hockey.)


"The Yankees are covered like the company in a company town. Giants fans, and that includes young Giants fans, are just as passionate about their team. The Internet traffic about the Giants, in season and out, is a consistent wonder to those who monitor these things, on our Web site at the Daily News and everywhere else."

The NFL is 10 times more popular than baseball.

What does that have to do with Joe Girardi?

I'd rather be Joe Girardi than Tom Coughlin. For one thing, I like baseball more than I like football. Also, Joe Girardi is younger, better-looking, and is surrounded everyday by the angelic effervescence of Derek Jeter.


"Friday night was just one more night when I had to remind myself I was looking at a future Hall of Famer with Joba."

Ha ha. Good one.

As if you were actually watching a baseball game.


You know, Joba isn't tough to figure out. He walks too many people because the batters have learned to lay off the slider. If Joba can adjust, he'll be fine. If he doesn't, he'll be Andy Hawkins.

But nobody ever said Joba was a future Hall of Famer.

On the other hand, morons like Lupica specifically hyped up Wright/Reyes as MVP candidates. Odd how the ARod/Jeter comparisons have died down. I have to remind myself everytime I watch Mr. Met play third base that Eric Hinske has as many HRs in the 2009 season.

I guess Lupica is going to have to compare ARod to a player from another sport. ARod is better than Wright, but ARod is not as good as Mark Messier. The Girardi/Coughlin comparisons make no sense, so why not?

"You know what the real nightmare scenario is for the Yankees?

That Justin Verlander pitches Game 1 of the division series the way he pitched on Friday against the Rays."

Game one of the division series is at Yankee Stadium, right?

Verlander's road ERA is 4.14, right?

The Yankees have a better lineup than the Rays, right?

A right-handed power pitcher at Yankee Stadium, right?

I mean, you could say the same thing if the Yankees were playing the Blue Jays in the first round. If Halladay pitches like he did against the Yankees on Friday night.

Or the Royals, if Zack Grienke pitches like he did against the Angels on Saturday.

Or the Astros, if Wandy Rodriguez pitches like he did against the Phillies on Friday night.


The Yankees have the best team in the entire league, but the Yankees don't have every single good player in the entire league.

Besides, the Yankees will be sending out Sabathia in game one, right?

What, Sabathia is Oliver Perez, or something?

I miss the guy who hit .300.

Separated at birth.

I'd like to think I'd have thought of it eventually, but I must give credit to a coworker.

Yeah, I'm sure he wasn't the first ...

As long as the Yankees got a win.

"The ground ball didn't appear to take any sort of bad hop, no matter what the Yankee players were saying afterward. In truth it was the type that Jerry Hairston could field without a bobble 100 times out of 100 under ordinary circumstances."

Bad timing for an error, but baseball players make errors every day.

Obviously, Pettitte wasn't going to throw a shutout, much less a no-hitter, much less a perfect game.

"Baseball infamy." Right. Like Shoeless Joe Jackson or Pete Rose.


I also like the idea of "baseball immortality."

Does anybody remember hard-hittin' Mark Whiten's four-homerun game?

Does anybody remember Len Barker's perfect game? Mike Witt's?

I think John Sterling cheapened the English language with this term and it inexplicably caught on.

Key Element.

I just think it's funny that the game vs. Atlanta is identified as the turning point of the season and no mention is made of the homerun hit by Cervelli right after Girardi was ejected.

If the game was the turning point of the season, then Cervelli's homerun was the turning play.

In fact, Francisco Cervelli for AL MVP. Or Husqvarna Clutch Player of the Year, at the very least.

It would be amazing if they didn't.

"It is rather amazing that after paying Alex Rodriguez $300 million in one baseball offseason, the Yanks had to go get somebody else - Teixeira in this case - to really be the man in the middle of their lineup."

ARod is hurt. Hopefully. Hopefully, it's not a lack of steroids.

But the addition of Teixeira is not amazing at all.

The Yankees lost Abreu and Giambi in the offseasn.

In 2004, the Yankees acquired ARod and Sheffield.

In 1960, the Yankees brought in Maris to hit back-to-back with Mantle.

I've never heard of a team in the history of pro sports that thought one good player was enough. It's like being amazed that the Bulls brought in Pippen and Rodman.


"But there have to be times when the people paying him the money do secretly wonder if they've already gotten the biggest years out of him they're going to get."

Let me end the mystery. When ARod drove in 156 runs in 2007, the Yankees knew that was the most production they'd ever get out of their $300 million man. (Actually, $275 million, with the rest being tied to performance. But, whatever.)


It's like every long-term contract. Like Bernie's, Giambi's, Posada's, Jeter's upcoming ten-year deal, and even Teixeira's. Mysteriously enough, players are usually paid for what they've done rather than what they're going to do.

Consistently, with the Yankees, ARod has been .300/40/120, plus or minus ten percent. Not this year. Mostly due to injury. Hopefully, due to injury.


Lupica is not a credible source, of course. Lupica also said decrepit ARod was going to be forced to play first base and that Mariano was shot.

But is ARod worth $300 million? Of course he is. ARod moves the merch; and guys like Lupica just can't stop talking about him.

In Tampa this afternoon, the stadium was half-empty for a game between the reigning AL champs and their chief wild card rival.

If the Yankees were playing in Tampa this afternoon, an extra 20,000 people would have shown up to boo ARod.

The Yankees might not win the World Series this year ...

... and the Angels are a good team.

The Angels have a .612 winning percentage and Bill Madden has reached the stunning conclusion that they are a good baseball team.


It's almost enough to make me hope for a Minnesota/Texas ALCS.

Many.

"When Alex Rodriguez launched a ball into the Bronx night to finish off the Yankees' 15-inning marathon against the Red Sox on Aug. 7, many believed the memorable moment would spark another hot streak for the Yankees third baseman."

I'm not sure who these "many" people are.

He hit a HR off a hanging curveball thrown by a minor leaguer.

All of a sudden, this one HR indicated a "new" ARod, accepted by his teammates and the fans. His soul was finally free and unburdened.

Yes, that HR was certainly memorable. ARod has four of five well-timed HRs this year which have diverted attention from the fact that it's his worst season ever.

Maybe on account of the hip. Probably on account of the hip.

But I'd prefer a miserable jerk who hit 50 HRs and batted .300.

Yankee Announcer Drinking Game

This list is an inferior imitation of the Mets version. Credit/blame goes to several of my friends for adding to the list.

One sip

• "It is high, it is far, it is gone."
• After the 15th out, John Sterling explains how you can save 15% on your car insurance.
• After a homerun, Suzyn Waldman analyzes the pitch location and determines it was right down the middle of the plate.
• One of Suzyn Waldman's keys to the game is that the Yankee pitchers need to keep the ball down.
• One of Suzyn Waldman's keys to the game is that the Yankee batters need to be patient.
  
• Paul O'Neill says, "You know?"
• John Sterling says, "Whoa!"
• Daily News Hometown inning goes by quickly.
  
• John Sterling mentions that baseball is different than other sports.
• John Sterling mentions that baseball is difficult to predict.
• Specifically, baseball is different than other sports because the most important player on the field changes every game.
• Specifically, baseball is different than other sports because baseball players can't physically dominate their opponent.
• Complaints about the length of the game.
• Complaints about the travel schedule.
• Complaints about the sound effects in the ballpark.
• Suzyn Waldman says something she thinks is funny, but you don't laugh.
• Suzyn Waldman explicitly describes the art of hitting a baseball or pitching a baseball, though she has never played major league baseball.
  
• Ken Singleton brings up Eddie Murray.
  
• Michael Kay brings up "Moneyball."
• Suzyn Waldman is impressed when Nick Swisher works the count full.
• A full count with two outs "helps the runners out."
• Fouling off a lot of pitches constitutes a good at-bat.
• Hitting the ball to the opposite field is a "good piece of hitting."
• Ordinary catch described as "one of the best plays you will ever see."
• Michael Kay doesn't understand why a fielder can't get an error on a flubbed double play.
• John Sterling decries the Yankee bad luck if an opposing batter gets a soft hit or if a Yankee player hits a line drive at a fielder.
• Al Leiter jokingly takes the pitcher's point of view while Paul O'Neill jokingly takes the batter's point of view.
• Al Leiter describes a pitcher's attribute as "plus."
  
• "Jeter-esque."

Two sips

• "It is high, it is far, it is caught."
• After the 15th out, John Sterling forgets to explain how you can save 15% on your car insurance.
• Michael Kay confuses Channel 9 for the YES Network.
• Ken Singleton brings up Earl Weaver.
• Al Leiter describes a pitcher's attribute as "plus-plus."
  
• Michael Kay contradicts something he said on his radio show.
• David Cone explains the pitcher's mindset during a particular game situation and concludes that the pitcher should try to minimize the number of runs allowed.
• Complaints about the Yankees' inability to hit young pitchers they've never seen before.
• Alex Rodriguez is best when he hits the ball to the opposite field.
• "Nominal first half" of the season.
• The runs scored in the top of the inning are not "validated" until the bottom of the inning is concluded.
• Michael Kay texts a newspaper columnist.
• Player records all three outs in one inning and Michael Kay announces the player just tied a record "held by many."
  
• John Sterling mocks the complaints of small-market teams.
• Lengthy radio silence because John Sterling is irritated with Yankee play.

Five sips

• Joe Girardi is referred to as Joe Torre.
• Robinson Cano is compared to Rod Carew.
• Paul O'Neill overhypes Melky Cabrera.
• Michael Kay mentions his 1976 trip to the first game at the refurbished Yankee Stadium.
• John Sterling mentions his triplets.
• Suzyn Waldman effusively praises the worst player on the team.
• John Sterling complains about an umpire who takes too long to indicate the ball/strike call.
• Michael Kay says a resting player is "getting a blow."

Ten sips

• John Sterling gives a homerun call for the wrong player.
• Suzyn Waldman says "goodness gracious."
• Suzyn Waldman weeps on the air.
• John Sterling mentions the Triple Play contest after an out has already been recorded in the inning.

Twenty sips

• Suzyn Waldman sings on the air.

Fifty sips

• John Sterling misses a game.
  

Bernie Williams probably belongs in the Hall of Fame.

"If Johnny Damon, bless his heart, does end up with 35 home runs this season, then we really do have to look at the big food court on 161st as Coors Field East, right?"
Call it Coors Field East or call it a big food court. Your opinion doesn't matter because you don't attend baseball games, even though you have press credentials and are allowed to go for free.

The Yankees have enjoyed eleven walk-off wins at the big food court and are playing .700 baseball at Coors Field East.

Yes, it's too easy to hit HRs there, and that's why Damon has so many HRs. It's also the only reason Joba's ERA isn't under 3.00.


"It seems like just the other day that the Yankees were sending Melky Cabrera to the minors, right before they were going to send him out of town. Now it looks like he wants to stay in center at the new Yankee Stadium almost as long as Bernie was out there at the old joint."

Truly stupid analysis by a stupid man.

Melky Cabrera isn't even as good as Brett Gardner, much less Bernie Williams.

Bernie Williams was the best Yankee player of the Torre-era dynasty.

Melky Cabrera is batting a whole .269 with 46 RBIs.

You know how many HRs Melky has this year in 52 games away from "Coors Field East"? Three. You know how many RBIs Melky has this year in 52 games away from "Coors Field East"? Twelve.

Multiply by 3 and you get a full season. That's 9 HRs and 36 RBIs. That's not a Bernie Williams season, that's a Bernie Williams month.

Also, not for nothing, but Melky Cabrera has never thrown the ball to a cutoff man in his entire career. For the three guys he's thrown out on the basepaths this year, he's given back 15 runs.

Whatever your analysis of a particular Yankee player in 2009, you have to be purposefully ignorant to ignore the Yankee Stadium Effect for some players while mocking the inflated stats of other players.

Candidate, yes. Winning candidate, no.

I just find it odd that certain players aren't scrutinized by the supposedly tough NY press.

Teixeira is having a fine year, largely fueled by the team he plays for and by the ballpark in which that team plays.

• Away from Yankee Stadium, Teixeira is hitting .267 with 11 HRs. An .867 road OPS. Double that and he'd be considered a $20 million bust rather than an MVP candidate.
• Twenty-one of his thirty HRs have come with the bases empty.
• Despite a great BA with two outs and RISP, his overal RISP ba is a mediocre .270 with four HRs in 122 at-bats.

Also, I don't remember all that many "clutch" hits by Teixeira, especially given the enormous number of opportunities for "clutch" hits.

In other words, if ARod was doing the same thing, he'd be run out of town.


Also, Teixeira's season will probably not be as good as Giambi's first season with the Yankees (.314/41/122/121 runs). Now, Giambi came in fifth in MVP voting (which sounds about right for Teixeira), but Giambi was completely ignored by his hometown fans and writers.


Of course, none of these observations necessarily exclude Teixeira from the MVP discussion. "Road OPS" or "BA with RISP" are not necessarily the most important critieria in determining an MVP candidate. I can cherry pick the stats to the positive or to the negative.

Teixeira deserves to be in the discussion and will probably win a gold glove while spearheading the best offense in the league.

Except it's really Yankee Stadium which deserves most of the credit for the best offense in the league.


Oh, and if there's any doubt who the AL MVP is so far, please gaze upon the stats of Joe Mauer.

All the NYC anti-ARod playa-hatas should be forced by law to vote for the guy who's batting .403 with RISP and .457 with RISP and two outs.

I know Teixeira's a more likeable guy than ARod, but if you invent criteria, you should apply that criteria evenly.

RISP BA was suddenly very fashionable when it was used to denigrate ARod. Not so much when it can be used to denigrate Teixeira.

Grow up.

"BRONX BOMBSHELL: DEREK JETER SAYS HE USED STEROIDS"

I seriously doubt Jeter took steroids, but he certainly knew his teammates were taking steroids and he kept his precious mouth shut. He also scored 130 runs and cashed in largely because his cheater teammates were helping inflate his stats. So I fail to see how anybody come out of this completely clean.


"Bronx Bombshell" is very clever, though. It's sort of like a play on the phrase "Bronx Bombers." That's why it's funny!


"Well, what would you do if ESPN interrupted your regularly scheduled programming for that one?"

What would I do? I'd probably say, "Please get back to my regularly scheduled programming, damn it. This is the one where Cartman travels into the future. I love this episode.


"Would it be enough to make you shred your season tickets, douse your baseball cards with charcoal fluid and delete America's pastime from your Facebook friends list?"

Well, no.

I don't have season tickets; I don't have a collection of baseball cards since I'm a grown-up adult; and I don't have MLB on my Facebook friends list.

Funny stuff, though, and an excellent use of the Rule of Three.


"If I ever see Jeter's name attached to the hip of performance enhancers, I'm done. I mean it -- I'll never watch another big league game again. Because if Captain Pinstripes could do the Vitamin S deed, then anybody can."

Oh no! You guys!

If Jeter's name appears on the PED list, then Gene Wojo ... Gene Woja ... Gene WojSomething won't be a fan anymore!

MLB attendance would fall from 80 million to 79,999,999.


Worse, Gene WojSomething would have to find a new job. The world would suffer because we'd miss clever wordplays such as referring to steroids as "vitamin S."


"To me, Jeter is the anti-Barry Bonds, the anti-Roger Clemens and the anti-Alex Rodriguez. He understands that if you compromise the game, you compromise yourself."

To me, Jeter is a shortstop for the Yankees and the Yankees are my favorite team.

Despite what you've heard recently, he's still a pretty bad fielder. Excellent in all other aspects of the game and a future HOFer.

That's about it.

I suppose I'd be disappointed if he cheated. But I'd be even more disappointed if he hit .240.


"A Jeter steroids admission would be the deal-breaker for me. Pujols, too. If those guys went pharmaceutical, I couldn't go to a big league game if Bud Selig paid me. Who would it be for you?"

Alex Rodriguez.

If they ever find out that Alex Rodriguez took steroids, I'll quit watching baseball forever.

Because ARod is not just a baseball player to me. He's a God walking the Earth. He is my idol. I worship him, and I love him.


Either ARod of Andrew Eugene Pettitte. If either of those guys get caught, I will shut down my blog and find another recreational activity that is untarnished by drug use. Maybe professional knitting.

You forgot Steve Karsay.

"There, you were either a Joe Torre Guy or you weren't. If you were a Torre Guy, you pitched pretty much until your arm fell off. Isn't that right, Tanyon Sturtze, Scott Proctor, Paul Quantrill, Flash Gordon and Ron Villone?

And if you weren't, you subsisted on Alpo and Milk Bones."

I can't believe he noticed.

I can't believe a NY columnist criticized Joe Torre.

"In 2005, three Yankees were among the top 11 in the AL in innings pitched by a reliever; in 2006, three Yankees were among the top nine; in 2007, two were in the top 13. Last year, in Girardi's first season running the show, no Yankees relief pitcher was among the top 12."

Also ... it works!


Next up? ARod wins the WS MVP and mentions how important it was to have the support of his manager.

I don't quite understand how the Rangers are playing so well while this guy is playing so poorly.

"The best thing that could have happened to Josh Hamilton was the indignity of seeing himself lick whipped cream off a pair of fake breasts that didn’t belong to his wife."

As long as they're female human breasts, I think it goes without saying it's the best thing that could have happened.

Well, to be fair, I can think of a few things that are even better.


"Only now can he fully understand what his sobriety means to people. Not just his bride, Katie, and his children, and his Texas Rangers teammates."

Oh, for cryin' out loud.

If this clown is your inspirational hero, go find another inspirational hero. It shouldn't be difficult to find someone more inspiring. Throw a dart at the phone book.


"All of this was fascinating and raw, a man of enormous talent and crystalline fragility confronted with his worst nightmare and willing to offer the truth, or at least the version he remembers. Hamilton stood tall and spoke resolutely. He fell off the wagon and needed a hand back up."

.239, 8 HRs this year in 230 at-bats.

If that's indicative of an "enormous talent," Juan Rivera must be the second coming of Hank Aaron.

A middle infielder with a .972 OPS.

Jeez, Dustin Pedroia won the AL MVP last season with an .869 OPS.

Who is this mystery player who is absent from MVP discussions?

Why, it's Robinson Cano.

But only when the bases are empty.


Can anybody explain why this is happening? I guess the easiest answer is that the pitchers bear down with runners on base, but the batter does not?

The pitchers are pitching from the stretch and this throws Cano's timing off?

Why can't Cano just pretend the bases are empty?

Hates the Yankees, loves the Red Sox, writes for the wrong newspaper.

Can barely get himself to say the name "Alex Rodriguez."


Say, Mike Lupica, how 'bout them Yankees? Since they're finally playing the Red Sox, I figured you might actually watch the games:

"If you were at the Stadium on Thursday night, it was hard to tell whether Muhammad Ali was on the field to have the Yankees honor him or for him to honor the Yankees.

It all had something to do with Academy of Hospitality Services giving the Yankees its Six-Star Diamond Award and Legends Hospitality - I think they serve great food down near the field whether the seats are empty or not - getting a Five Star Award."

Whatever. What about the game?


"But aren't those the awards Al Pacino was trying to win for his casino in 'Ocean's 13'?"

Didn't see the movie. What about the game?


"It actually seemed like another one of those moments where the Yankees were celebrating the Yankees."

So what? Why don't you write another love letter to Theo Epstein?

Also, what about the game?

Did you watch the baseball game?


"Then, when it was all over, the Yankees surrounded Ali, and it was supposed to be more moving than all the All-Stars crowding around Ted Williams at Fenway that time."

It probably wasn't supposed to be more moving that that.

I'm sorry the Ali tribute did not move you, Mike Lupica.

Now, what about the game?


"If they want to give the champ a day, or a night, as a way of christening the new ballpark, fine with me.

Just not with some grand version of a supermarket opening."

Ha ha.

Nice dig.

A chance to rip the Yankees for their pregame activities.

Say, did you even watch the game?



"The last time a regular season was declared over, finished, done after a tremendous extra-inning game at Yankee Stadium, was 2004.

Capt. Jeter did the face plant, Flash Flaherty finally won it with a hit into left, and the Red Sox were twice as far behind the Yankees as they were when A-Rod's ball landed in the seats this time.

Three months later they won it all."

"They" is the Red Sox in that last sentence.

Yes, we all remember when the Red Sox won the World Series in 2004. You remind us of it as often as you can.

Your boys Tito and Epstein couldn't have done it without some of that Curse-Breakin' Steroid Magic.


For the record, the regular season was not declared over after that game in July 2004 and the regular season was not declared over after Friday night's Yankee victory.

Also, even if the regular season was declared over, it wouldn't have any bearing on the postseason results.

So you are challenging an imaginary opposing viewpoint that not only never existed, but is non-existable.


"You don't play classic Yankee games in August, you play them in October."

Whatever, pal.

Your seething hatred of the Yankees is really a bit much.

If you're going to disrespect a 15-inning, 2-0 walkoff win (against the Red Sox, no less), then you simply don't enjoy baseball games. Which may explain why you fixate on the pregame ceremony and Al Pacino movies:

1) If you hate baseball so much, maybe you have the wrong job.

2) Why did you even go to the game? Just to complain about the pregame ceremony? Or did you think it was October?

3) Why did you write this article four days ago?:

"In so many ways, in a home season dominated as much by talk of ticket prices and empty seats and easy home runs, this is the first great moment of the new Stadium. We thought we might get that in May when the Red Sox got their first look at the place. We did not, not with the Yankees unable to get a game off the other guys. And really it was much too early for both teams, we didn't know how the season would look for either one of them, what the narrative would be this time around between Boston and New York.

But now we are more than 100 games into this. The Yankees have caught the Red Sox and passed them since the All-Star break. So this is a good time for the Yankees to show they have enough team to start changing the New York-Boston narrative back to the way it used to be before October of 2004. A good time for the Yankees to get at least three of four and bang around Boston's starters and Boston's relievers, maybe have somebody make the kind of swing for New York that Jason Bay made off Mo Rivera in the very first game the two teams played this season.

A good time to make it seem like old times around here. New park, old swagger."

I have an odd suspicion that you'd be cool with Friday's "classic" game if Ortiz or Pedroia or Youkilis had hit the game-winning homerun, rather than what's-his-name.


Actually, perhaps the best thing about an ARod walk-off HR vs. the Red Sox is that it deeply saddens Mike Lupica.

Which is a more delusional opinion?

1) The Sox fans who refuse to believe that Ortiz is a liar and a cheater?

2) The guy on the video who thinks the DH with a .411 slugging percentage is "still a helluva ballplayer"?

Munson would have slid. Or maybe taken Martinez out.

"Jorge Posada painted No. 15 on his catcher's mask to pay tribute to Thurman Munson and delivered a performance that would have delighted the former New York Yankees captain.

...

Posada had three hits and three RBIs, saluting Munson with the type of all-around game that the former Yankees catcher was known for before he died in a plane crash on Aug. 2, 1979. Posada said he had never put Munson's number on his mask before."

Hate to be the buzzkill after a 13-6 victory, but I'm fixated on the second-inning baserunning blunder.

Posada was either stupid or lazy.

Munson was neither stupid nor lazy.

Because they're not journalists in any true sense of the word.

"Impressive as the Globe article was, it also raised some questions. Why did it take the Globe the better part of a year to report on a bona fide steroid scandal that was brewing in its back yard? And whether that delay was caused by chumminess or cluelessness, did it cost the Globe a rare chance to rewrite Red Sox history?

...

Recall, for example, that 'Big Papi' was a serviceable player with the Minnesota Twins, but morphed into a latter-day Lou Gehrig (complete with a beefy new physique) after coming to Boston in 2003. In May 2007, he told the Boston Herald that he might have unwittingly used steroids in the past. And in February 2009, the New York Daily News reported that Ortiz had a relationship with banned trainer Angel Presinal, who also worked with steroid scapegoat Alex Rodriguez. These facts weren't unreported by the Globe, but they didn't cause great consternation, either. (Former columnist Jackie MacMullan in May 2007: 'The only connection between Ortiz and steroids is that he is a very big man and he hits very big home runs. And that's not fair.')"

I saw MacMullan on "Around the Horn" a few weeks ago flipping out on Bonds.


Now, I can understand the need for bona fide sources and I also understand the concept of presumptive innocence.

But the same rules apply for Bonds, whose case was dropped in a Court of Law and who hasn't admitted to anything.


"Maybe the Globe's sportswriters simply didn't know this stuff was going on. Maybe they did, but wanted to protect Jerry Remy, who's currently fighting lung cancer and is on indefinite leave. Or maybe they didn't think that digging into possible PED use by Sox stars was part of their job. Whatever caused this story to slip through, it was a costly whiff by the hometown squad."

Everybody knows what happened.

Boston fans and their writers -- and also quite a few New York-based writers -- and other writers whose names rhyme with Shmuster Shmolney -- ate up the story of the Gritty Dirt Dogs who finally dethroned the Daddy Warbucks Evil Empire Sissies.

The Curse of the Babe became the Curse of the Bam-Boonie (I'm still shocked that catchphrase never caught on).

They all got a chance to make fun of Alex Rodriguez, who does that guy think he is, anyway?


Yes, once the story dropped in their lap, they were mostly willing to feign some outrage.

But that's not journalism.

Bias is not usually manifested by what you write. It's what you don't write.

"Big game pitcher."

When is the last time John Smoltz won a so-called big game? About four years ago?

I'll be surprised if Smoltz is still pitching in the sixth inning.

53 at-bats is not a lot.

"Now that Rodriguez has raised his average from .250 on July 20 to .261 going into tonight's meeting with the Blue Jays' Roy Halladay, the fault-finders point to him not homering in 53 at-bats."

I don't trust you, George A. King III.

I think you are the fault-finder.

"Since the Yankees have lost three of four and open a crucial four-game series against the Red Sox on Thursday night at Yankee Stadium, it's imperative the cleanup hitter hit.

Does he have to send balls into the seats at the homer-friendly Stadium? No, but people don't watch Rodriguez to see him hit doubles or flare singles to left and right."

Yeah, we only watch Rodriguez to see him hit flare singles to center.

The idea is a bit confusing, George A. King III.

If ARod doesn't have to hit homeruns ... and the viewing public is dissatisfied with doubles and singles ... then the only thing left is triples. So ARod has to hit some triples against the Red Sox or the fans won't get their money's worth?

"And you can bet on this: If the Yankees lose three of four or get swept by the Red Sox, against whom they are 0-8 this year, and Rodriguez doesn't homer, the blame is going between the 1 and 3 on his back."

I'll take that bet.

What are you putting on the table, George A. King III? Your credibility?

Betcha don't know who has the best ERA among Yankee starting pitchers.

It's Joba.

No, seriously.

It's Joba.

Shirtless Melky Cabrera eats peanuts in a hotel room with a porn star.

Thanks to my friend for sending me this link.

All-around dudeness.

"But for all the suspicions about Ortiz, fans like me have always trusted in his charisma, leadership and all-around dudeness that he wouldn't hypocritically hide something like this while talking tough publicly about steroids.

For a few of us, it's a time to hope for the best, even while we harbor feelings of betrayal, anger and disgust.

'In Papi We Trust.'

Barely."

I personally thought it was a good idea to pitch to Pujols.

Of course, I'm rooting against the Dodgers.

7-2, 3.58 era.

But every time Joba starts a game, Mike Francesa becomes physically ill.

Mets suck.

While the Yankees were winning 10 out of 11 and seizing first place from his beloved Red Sox, Mike Lupica complained about the Yankees acquisition of Roy Halladay.

Which didn't happen, and probably will not happen.

Now, I realize it's difficult for him to function properly when his loverboy blows a save, but this is all the baseball we get from this guy?

Chiming in on the bizarro Minaya press conference and concluding that Winning is Good? That's all we get in the midst of a baseball season in New York?:

"The Mets, in the person of Jeff Wilpon, did the right thing Tuesday, in a season when just about everything has gone the wrong way, when people have gotten the idea that three bad months and the single worst press conference in the history of the operation have turned them into the Knicks."

A basketball analogy? I want a boxing analogy.


"The Mets are not the Knicks. The Wilpons are not the Dolans. The Mets are not the Knicks in the standings, are not a laughingstock over nearly a decade the way the Knicks are."

So they're not the Knicks.

Seriously, dude, I think you may be schizophrenic.


"Last year Willie Randolph got it when the Mets didn't look nearly as bad as they look right now. Bernazard gets it now when things are much worse. One year it is Minaya's manager. Now his righthand man. The next person to get fired isn't a manager or a lieutenant. That is the way things work in sports, even for somebody as decent as Omar Minaya."

Minaya seems like an incompetent jerk to me.


"They're not winning the World Series this year, so it will be 23 years and counting. Lose Game 7 to the Cardinals. Collapse in September. Collapse again the next September. In fourth place as they move up on August. Nobody can say they're going the right way."

Phillies fans can say they're going the right way.


"There should be no joy in this, for anybody, whether they are Mets fans or not. No joy in the piling on."

I don't know if joy is the right word. More like ecstasy.

Like, the subtle satisfaction one feels when overrated, incompetent loudmouths get what they deserve.


"You don't judge Minaya on this season alone. Or on Bernazard. Or on one press conference. You are allowed to look at where you've been and where you're going. Do that without apology. You're either moving toward a championship or away from one."

Right.

I think we're in agreement, but I'm not sure.

Minaya should be fired, right? Probably should have been fired long ago. Or maybe never hired in the first place.

If you win the Triple Crown, I might even bat you ninth.

Blameshifter and Renowned Liar Joe Torre finally explains why he bat ARod eighth in a playoff game.

It was really a high compliment for his best player:

"Matt Kemp is batting fifth today, but here's a bit from Vincent Bonsignore of the Daily News on Joe Torre's rationale for often batting him eighth:

'I put him eighth because I thought I'd seen enough to know that he could handle it,' Torre said. 'Certainly it's not any kind of lack of confidence in his ability. It's just the opposite, actually. You have to feel comfortable about someone hitting eighth.'

'When I saw Matt with the quality of his at-bats, I didn't hesitate to hit him eighth because it just looked like he had a better feel than I felt he would have had earlier in the season,' Torre said. 'That was my biggest concern, because I didn't want him hitting eighth earlier in the season because I just wasn't sure he could handle it.' "

Stunning on many levels.

Aside from the typical logical merry-go-round to nowhere, Torre is saying that he batted Kemp eighth because he knew Kemp could handle it.


Which brings me instantly the the 2006 playoffs.

Did Torre really think ARod could psychologically handle batting eighth?

I mean, look: I'm the biggest ARod fan in the world, but the guy's brain is made of oatmeal.

Torre knew it was an embarrassment to ARod and also knew it was an easy way to sabotage ARod's performance.


So why do it?

Well, let me explain.

Torre thought he was going to be fired. Torre knew his team was mailing it in. The Yankees didn't even get a baserunner until the top of the sixth. I think Bonderman got the first fifteen outs on fifteen pitches.

So why purposely toy with the psyche of your all-star third baseman?

Torre was just hoping to ... what's the word I'm looking for here? ... blameshift!

"People."

"You can't point out enough what a terrific season Derek Jeter is having, especially since the season started out with people acting as if he were moving around between second and third with a walker."


Mike Lupica from the 2005 archives:

"About which left side of the infield you would rather have, Wright and Reyes or Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter. For now, the answer still has to be A-Rod and Jeter. For now. But not for much longer."


The day ARod retires is the day D. Wright becomes a better baseball player than ARod.

1-4, 7.04 era.

Maybe Smoltz really is the difference-maker in the AL East after all ...

With new Yankee Stadium, the Yankees have inadvertently lost their home field advantage.

Which explains why they only have a .680 winning percentage at home.

Bob Raissman just might disapprove.

YES Network will replay this "classic" game:

"Synopsis:

Luis Castillo drops a two-out popup in the bottom of the ninth inning that allows two runs to score and the Yankees win 9-8 over the Mets. From June 12, 2009."

Tim Smith joins the rest of us for the 2009 baseball season.

"Now the weight falls on Girardi to produce a championship, and at the very least get into the playoffs with a team that boasts the highest payroll in baseball. The Yankees missed the playoffs last year after Cashman decided to go with a youth movement in the starting rotation rather than pursue Johan Santana.

There are no excuses this year."

Because Theo's a genius, part two.

This from the guy who thought ARod was going to play centerfield.

"I wasn't aware until listening to Joe Buck on Tuesday night's All-Star Game telecast that baseball fans in St. Louis have insights into baseball that the rest of us don't.

It's sure going to make me knuckle down and try harder."

Please choose your pronouns more carefully, Mr. Lupica.

The average fan in St. Louis probably doesn't have greater insights into baseball than me.

But if the average fan in St. Louis walked into their average bathroom and took an average shower, the soapy film left behind on the drain probably has greater insights into baseball than you.

Because Theo's a genius.

Let's try to go one day without mentioning the 1996 Yankees.

"This season, with his Dodger team on virtual cruise control, Torre is proving that maybe he has an encore to the Yankees' dynasty he managed in the late ‘90s."

Dynasty?

They haven't even won one World Series.


"Well, maybe don't mention the ‘D' word quite yet."

I won't.

You did.

Joba is too fat.

Irony?

"For Mets' Daniel Murphy, playing first base is a comdey [sic] of errors"

Like, the Daily News headline writer decided it would be ironic to juxtapose a misspelling with the word "error," subtly reinforcing the comedy of the Mets' fielding woes?

Nah.

Probably not intentionally ironic.

Probably just unintentionally sloppy.

Are you tring to convince us? Or trying to convince yourself?

"Los Angeles Dodgers manager Joe Torre was 'disappointed' when Manny Ramirez got busted for using a substance banned by Major League Baseball, but the former Yankees skipper doesn't think any success the Dodgers enjoy this season would be tainted by Ramirez's use of performance-enhancing substances.

'I don't think so,' Torre said Monday at his annual charity golf outing at Trump National Golf Club. '(Ramirez) obviously did something he got punished for. As far as tainting, I don't. I mean, why would it be tainted? Because he did something?' "

Yes.

Because he did something.

" 'Well, what do you think about Andy Pettitte?' "

Cheater and liar.


" 'And Alex (Rodriguez)?' "

Cheater and liar.

Funny you should ask ...


" 'I mean, I don't know. I think baseball, right now, is tainted. And we need to get the trust back.' "

So, if baseball is tainted, and the Dodgers play baseball ... then the Dodgers are tainted! Thanks for clearing that up.

But why would baseball be tainted in the first place?

Because the players did something.

The Mets are loveable losers. Key word being, "losers."

Mike Lupica makes excuses for the $150 million sub-.500 team. Because Mike Lupica is a grizzled, tough New York-style journalist:

"I'm just thinking out loud here, but how would the Yankees be looking these days - how far would they be behind the Red Sox - if they were down Mark Teixeira, A-Rod and Capt. Jeter?

Carlos Delgado isn't the hitter that Teixeira is, Beltran isn't A-Rod, at least when A-Rod is up and running, and it's been a while since anybody was a whole lot keener on Jose Reyes than they are on Jeter.

But you sort of see how the math works, right?

The subtraction part, I mean."

Nobody cares about your imaginary Battle of New York. The Yankees are worried about the Red Sox and the Rays. The Mets are worried about the Marlins and the Phillies.

Yes, genius, the Yankees would be a lot worse without their good baseball players. That's because good baseball players play baseball good. This good baseball playing directly results in winning results for the baseball teams for which they play. You figured that out all by yourself.

But I'd prefer a detailed analysis of how D. Wright really stepped it up when his team experienced all these injuries. Twelve RBIs in June. Not twelve RBIs in one game in June; twelve RBIs in the month of June.

"Let me get this straight about the Yankees:

It's not okay to have facial hair, but it is okay for Nick Swisher to have that Mohawk haircut, except that would be kind of insulting to actual Mohawk haircuts."

Let me get this straight about the so-called premier sports journalist for the New York Daily News:

Dude is in London watching tennis during the Subway Series; has no idea if Edwar Ramirez is still on the Yankees roster; and wants to talk about Nick Swisher's haircut.

May I also point out (shock!) that Mike Lupica is a hypocrite?

I quote hypocritical bum coward liar hack Mike Lupica on Feb. 6, 2006:

"I want to be as clear about this as I can:

I don't think of Johnny Damon going through life on some kind of red carpet.
I don't care about his hair.

I don't care where he gets it done or if he's got highlights.

His hair wasn't all that interesting when it was caveman hair at Fenway Park, it doesn't matter now that it's makeover hair at Yankee Stadium.

Even though people who used to get half-hysterical about caveman hair now think Damon is cuter than a junebug.

Bottom line? The next time he gets a trim, leave me out of it."

Yeah, Anna Wintour, same goes double for Nick Swisher.

Go write an article for Teen Beat about the dreamiest Yankee haircuts. You couldn't name the Yankee starting rotation if somebody put a gun to your head.

Missed a sign.

"Because a few of you e-mailed, Robinson Cano missed a sign in the bottom of the 12th when he bunted a 3-0 pitch. Nobody was exactly sure what he was thinking and Cano did not make himself available to talk about it."

First, how do you "miss a sign" in the major leagues?

Second, how do you not understand this is a bad play? It's even worse that you didn't execute, but you're a major league baseball player -- how do you not understand?

Third, you're batting .200 with RISP. You were given the #5 spot and you blew it.

Most importanly, the next time you ground into a double play, run to first base. The whole 90 feet, you lazy bum.

He hits lots of homeruns.

Jayson Stark really can't figure out why Dodger fans want Manny back in the lineup:

"But maybe, Lipsyte suggested, that 'something' is no more complicated than a massive disconnect between fans and media.

'I don't think fans are trapped in the righteous indignation of all the sportswriters who blew the steroids story as it grew on their watch,' Lipsyte, a long-time New York Times columnist who also has done work at ESPN, wrote in an e-mail. 'Fans understand that ballplayers have the same goals as they do: win. How mad can you get at someone who endangers their health to entertain you (like Janis Joplin, Elvis Presley, Michael Jackson)? These aren't the crooked financiers or irresponsible politicians who do deserve our anger.'

Oh, he's right about that, clearly. One thing we can all agree on about Manny: He's no Bernie Madoff.

But that doesn't explain why this man is getting such a heroic welcome back. Does Manny really fit the mold of previous baseball players whose PED stains have been forgiven? Not that we can see."

Nobody's reputation has been severely stained by steroid use. The popular players remained popular. For the unpopular players -- such as Bonds, ARod, and Clemens -- steroid outrage is just backfilling.

Hey, we make $20 million per year, too.

Golly, I haven't hit a homerun since June 12th -- and neither have I -- and nobody even notices.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

Of the road.

Get it?


Why does Brian Bruney pitch the eighth inning?

Because he's the eighth-inning guy.


You know, when Girardi puts it that way, you sound kind of dumb for asking.

Like, which other inning is the eighth-inning guy gonna pitch? Duh.

I'm going to pretend he didn't say that.

Hey, Joe Girorre: The world wants to know why you took out Hughes:

"Bruney's our eighth-inning guy," Girardi said.

Excellent rationale.

I'm going to go and play strat-o-matic now. My strat-o-matic managerial decisions will partially re-affirm my faith in the possibility of a logical world.