Completely absurd.

Brian Cashman has four Championship rings and the Yankees are the current World Series champs.

The Yankees also currently have a better record than the Mets.

Bill Madden inexplicably wants to diminish Cashman's accomplishments by analyzing a bunch of scrubs after two months:

"But here's the point: At the start of the season there was nary a pundit who didn't think Minaya had done a terrible job in putting this Mets team together, in particular last winter when he elected to take a pass on all of the (albeit mostly flawed) free agent starting pitchers despite the acknowledged uncertainty of John Maine and Oliver Perez. And yet, as we arrive at Memorial Day, the performances of Minaya's off-season acquisitions - Japanese import Hisanori Takahashi (4-1, 2.13) Rod Barajas (team-leading 10 HR), the Cuban expatriate Raul Valdes (2-1, 2.86, 33 K, 10 walks in 28.1 innings) - have far surpassed those of his Yankee counterpart, Brian Cashman: ([sic] Curtis Granderson (.225, .311 OBP, injured most of May), Nick Johnson (.167, out, probably for season, with a wrist injury), Javy Vazquez (3-5, 6.86), just-released Randy Winn, Boone Logan (5.06 ERA, 13 hits, 7 walks in 10 innings) and Chan Ho Park (8.71 ERA, 17 hits, 5 HR in 10.1 innings)."

What point?

If that's your answer, you're asking the wrong question.

All praise to Pettitte.

Most other pitchers would have begged out:

"Twins 8th

Andy Pettitte pitching:

Drew Butera :Strike looking, Butera doubled to right.

Denard Span :Bunt foul, Span safe at first on 3rd baseman Rodriguez fielding error, Butera to third.

Orlando Hudson :Ball, Pickoff attempt to first, Pickoff attempt to first, Hudson lined out to pitcher.

Joe Mauer :Ball, Pickoff attempt to first, Strike looking, Ball, Pickoff attempt to first, Ball, Mauer grounded into double play shortstop to second to first, Span out at second."

Mike Lupica wants you to root for the Mets.

"It seems like about 15 minutes ago that the Mets looked as bad as they ever could against the Marlins. This morning they are a game over .500 and closer to first place than the Yankees are."

This is an accurate statement. The Mets are 3 games out of first place while the Yankees are 3.5 games out of first place.

The Yankees, of course, are in second place in their division and are in first place in the wild card standings. The Yankees, of course, possess the second-best record in baseball.

The Mets are tied for third place in their division... and tied for last place in their division, if that's how you want to look at it.

So, yes, if winning the division is the goal, then the Mets are one half game closer. But the Yankees have one other team to catch while the Mets have four other teams to catch.


"Say what you want about the Mets - and they have pretty much heard just about everything this season already - but they fight hard."

This is what I want to say about the Mets: They have the highest payroll in the NL and they're one whole game over .500 and they have the same record as the Washington Nationals and the Florida Marlins.

This is what I want to say about Lupica: He is a hack and a shill.

Teixeira Stinks, Somebody Notices.

I simply don't recall the $20 million man getting any so-called "big hits."

I did the same thing when I was a child.

I can come clean now, but, when I was in fourth grade through sixth grade, I handed in the same report on "How Nuclear Energy Works" three years in a row:

Mike Lupica on Sunday: "A-Rod's cheating - he says it was only when he was with the Rangers - isn't really an issue at all with the Yankees, with their fans, with Major League Baseball, with anybody.

Why? Because he's a winner now, that's why. We've been over this. He's a big winner Yankee."

I was kind of wondering why Lupica was hassling ARod in the first place while ignoring Ivan Rodriguez, Edgardo Alfonzo, Troy Glaus, Chipper Jones, Shawn Green, Adrian Beltre, David Ortiz, Randy Velarde, Mike Piazza ...

In fact, in the same article, Lupica actually praises David Ortiz.

So please don't pretend you're anti-steroid. You're anti-ARod. There's a difference, pal.

Mike Lupica on Thurdsay: "And you have to say that people have become a lot more forgiving about A-Rod when he had one of the great and most dramatic postseasons in Yankee history and helped carry them on his back to World Series title No. 27."

Yes, I agree. That's because nobody was ever angry about steroids in the first place. It's retro-fitting their anger. Andy Pettitte is still one of the Core Four Good Guys while Roger Clemens is still an enemy.


Mike Lupica on Wednesday: "We are expected to believe that while Galea may have been treating other professional athletes from baseball and football with HGH and Actovegin, our guys from New York would never have allowed that to happen with them because, well, that would be wrong, wrong, wrong.

We're supposed to trust them on this, because, hey, they're our guys."

That's the same article three times in a row. Basically, the same article three times in five days. Copied and pasted.

Sir, you get an incomplete.

Media critic.

"Excuse me. The Bombers still have Derek Jeter, A-Rod, Robinson Cano, Mark Teixeira, and a healthy pitching staff.

There presence did not stopped Kay from throwing a pinstriped pity party for his wounded warriors."

"There" presence did not "stopped" Kay.

A weird answer to a question nobody was asking.

"Interleague play for American League teams typically is what a reachable par 5 is for PGA pros: par is a bad score. It's the perfect opportunity to pad your score."

It kind of depends which NL teams you're talking about.

The Royals would probably be pleasantly surprised to go 6-6 in 12 games vs. the Phillies, Dodgers, and Cardinals.


"Indeed, AL playoff berths have been won by beating up National League teams. Last year the four AL playoff teams (Yankees, Red Sox, Twins, Angels) played .581 baseball against AL teams but .653 baseball against NL teams."

Must I explain the flawed logic of this conclusion?

I promise you, the .581 winning percentage in 142 games was more important than the .653 winning percentage in 20 games.

Get an abacus and figure it out yourself.


"But get this: AL superiority is about to be diminished, or even wiped out altogether."

I wouldn't draw any grand conclusions based on the overall head-to-head results, anyway, but that's quite a bold prediction, I'll give him that.


"The NL has closed the talent gap on the AL and actually has a shot at winning interleague play, which begins tonight, for first time since 2003. Don't believe it?"

I believe the NL can win more than half the interleague games, yes.

I'm not so sure the NL has closed the talent gap.

Halladay transferred one really great pitcher.

Oh, and Melky Cabrera, of course. He is hitting almost .200 with 0 HRs.


"Guess which league has averaged more runs per game one-quarter of the way through this season? That's right, the league without the DH, the NL. The on-base and slugging percentages are nearly identical."

Maybe the NL has lousy pitchers and lousy fielders.


"In the NL, poor teams of recent years have shown significant improvement this year, especially the Nationals, Padres and Pirates."

Yeah, but ... maybe it's because they're playing lousy NL teams.

Utilizing basic principles of math and stuff, if one team is winning, another team is losing. If the Nationals, Padres, and Pirates are surprisingly good, it means they are beating somebody who's surprisingly bad (Brewers, Astros, and Rockies).

I can do the same thing with AL teams Please note that the Blue Jays are 7 games over .500, when I figured the Blue Jays would win about 40 games this season.



"Two other factors stand out: the declines of the DH and shortstop positions in the AL. DH production has been trending downward for five years. The league is littered with aging DHs who carry a below-average slugging percentage: Travis Hafner, Nick Johnson, Hideki Matsui, Eric Chavez, Pat Burrell (since cut from Tampa Bay) and Ken Griffey. The overall OPS out of the DH spot (.726) is below league average (.733). Think about that for a minute: the league gets to use an extra hitter who doesn't have to play defense, and it fills the spot with below-average hitting."

Fair enough observation on its own, I suppose.

I know that the DH won't even play in half the interleague games and, when the AL rules are used, I also know that the NL DH won't be a full-time DH. So you're comparing current AL players to former AL players instead of comparing current AL players to current NL players.

As for the AL shortstops, they may be declining vis a vis their glory days, but that still doesn't mean '83 Ripken is suiting up for the Mets anytime soon.

Is that the totality of the argument? Hanley Ramirez, who has been in the NL for five years, is better than, say, Alexei Ramirez?

Sold. The NL must be better.


"So go ahead with the usual jokes about the AL being the varsity and the NL being the junior varsity, or the NL teams being the homecoming teams on the AL schedules. But this year interleague play just might be more competitive."

Not for nothing, but is that really a usual joke?

Dog walks into a bar, sits down, and says to the bartender, "I'll have a ... (long pause) ... beer." Bartender says, "The AL is the varsity and the NL is the junior varsity."

Ba dum bum.

Joba is the M. Night Shyamalan of pitchers. A very fat M. Night Shyamalan. Like M. Night Shyamalan crossed with Orson Welles.

Joba just isn't that good anymore, but you think he's good because you're remembering how much you liked "The Sixth Sense":

"Remember when Joba Chamberlain was the darling of Yankee Stadium? When every move by the burly right-hander turned into an event marked by celebration from all parts of the House That Ruth Built?

That was three years ago when Chamberlain could do nothing wrong coming out of the bullpen with his high-octane fastball, filthy slider and the exuberance of a naive youngster."

Revisiting a clever metaphor.

With the Yankees stuck in second, the Mets have gone from first place in the NL East to last place in the NL East as fast as Jose Reyes.

Dallas Braden's Grandmother Unavailable For Comment.

Josh Beckett beat the Yankees in the 2003 World Series.

"The star of the Yankees' season isn't Robinson Cano, or CC Sabathia. The star of the Yankees' season isn't one of the Core Fore, Jeter or Rivera or Pettitte or Posada. It isn't A-Rod or Mark Teixeira, not yet, anyway.

The star of the Yankee season is Phil Hughes."

The star.

The Yankees only have one star and it is Phil Hughes.

I'll bet you didn't know that a team can only have one star, but this has been decreed in Lupica Land.


"He has been the best pitcher in town, the best pitcher on the Yankees, he has been the best pitcher in the American League, he has been as good pitching in the American League - and the American League East – as Roy Halladay has been for the Phillies."

Which is a roundabout way of saying Hughes has been the best pitcher in the American League.


"This doesn't mean that Hughes must now be designated as a future first-ballot Hall of Famer the way Joba Chamberlain was when he first starting coming through the bullpen doors a few years ago."

Very easy to ridicule all the people who put Joba in the Hall of Fame after 25 big-league innings.

But those people don't exist because it never happened.


"What it means is that Hughes has the chance, off what we have seen so far this season, especially what we saw last Friday night at Fenway Park and on Wednesday night at Comerica, to be the first power starting pitcher the Yankees have developed out of their own farm system since Ron Guidry, and the first elite starter they have developed on their own since Andy Pettitte."

I guess this is true; I haven't given it too much thought.

But how many elite starters exist in baseball since Andy Pettitte? How many were you expecting from the Yankee farm system?

There are not many elite starters in MLB in the past 15 years.

That's the definiton of elite.


"Three pitches, the last a fastball, up, against which Cabrera had no chance. It reminded you of a high fastball Josh Beckett threw past Derek Jeter in Jeter's last at-bat, Game 6 of the 2003 World Series, one Jeter still hasn't seen."

This guy. Still talking about the 2003 World Series.


It's like Game Six of the 2003 World Series was the first baseball game Lupica ever watched. It was the only time a pitcher pitched well in the World Series. It was the only time Jeter ever struck out on a fastball.

Now, every time a player strikes out, it reminds Lupica of his First Love, Josh Beckett, in Game Six of the 2003 World Series.

Everyone's favorite steroid cheat.

"It's easy to doubt him, especially if you spend more time looking at his birthdate (Nov. 27, 1971) than his batting average (.383, through Tuesday). It's easy to doubt him, if your main recent memory of Pudge is his lousy half-season with the Yankees a couple of years back, or even his so-so 2009 season split between the Astros and Rangers.

It's easy to doubt him, if you haven't watched him play this year.

'I'm 38,' Rodriguez said. 'I'm not old. Thirty-eight is not a lot, the way I take care of myself, work myself. I can play this game for a while.' "

Amazing that the word "steroids" isn't even mentioned until the comments section.

The best RHP / One Hit Wonder in the whole league.

Yankee pitching prospect Ivan Nova tries a second career.

The Yankees have a lot of young players.

In fact, I believe the Yankees are younger than they were last year.

Last year, when they won the World Series and stuff.

What's truly staggering is that Lupica goes into some big explanation of how the Yankees are getting older and brittle, and then he writes this:

"And ask yourself another question: If they are waiting on Crawford, and they brought in Granderson and gave away Austin Jackson (.369 through Wednesday's games, most hits in the American League, on-base percentage of .421) because they are built to win another World Series now, then why not keep Johnny Damon for one more year? Why run off Damon - and do their best to kill his market in the process – by asking him to take a cut from $13 million to $7 million after the year Damon had for them?"

Right on cue, Damon got injured yesterday, by the way.

Probably a minor injury, just like the Yankee injuries.


But I will answer Lupica's question.

The reason the Yankees ran off Damon is:

The

Yankees

Wanted

To

Get

Younger

And

Faster.


You see, you can't write an article explaining how old and brittle the Yankees are and then ... in the middle of that article ... insist that the Yankees should have kept Johnny Damon.

How many closers can one team have?

"More to the point, the unavailability of Rivera and the fact that it took Girardi five relievers to close out this game only further emphasized how valuable he is and how vulnerable the Yankees are without him."

Well, duh.

Joba is closer #2 and he was unavailable after two saves in a row.


"At the same time, games like Wednesday's should make them uneasy about what it's going to be like when the Core Four, and especially Rivera, aren't around anymore."

This is very true.

The Yankees will be worse without the greatest closer of all time.

If Yankee fans have no worries in the present, they can at least worry about the future.

Yankees are boring.

Quite the attention-grabber there.

If the Yankees are boring, and your column is about the Yankees, then why should I read your column?

And the Yankees should have traded Wang to the Mets last year.

"There's a perfect solution to the Javy Vazquez problem in the Bronx: trade him to the Mets and everyone comes away happy."

Who are the Mets trading?


"Think about it. For the Mets there's just no getting around the obvious - they're going to need another starter to parlay their hot couple of weeks into serious contention this season. They can't live with the inconsistencies of both John Maine and Oliver Perez over the long haul."

Okay.

Who are the Mets trading?


"And while Vazquez is a mess mentally trying to overcome his issues pitching with the Yankees, put him back in the National League and he'd likely go right back to being a dependable starter, if not the Cy Young contender he was last year."

Sold.

Well, not entirely sold.

Vazquez's fastball is shot and his issues seem to be more than mental.

But, for the sake of this discussion, let's say the Yankees offered Vazquez to the Mets.

Who are the Mets trading?


"Considering the Yankees would also be dumping Vazquez's $11.5 million salary, it shouldn't take more than a decent prospect to make it a fair swap."

The Mets are taking on the $11.5M salary of the guy whose ERA is 10.00?

The Mets can afford an additional $11.5M?

If the Mets can afford an additional $11.5M, why didn't they just spend it on a free agent?


"The problem in all of this, of course, is that it's hard to imagine Yankees' GM Brian Cashman considering such a trade, even if it would be beneficial to the state of the ballclub."

I don't think that's the only problem in all this.

Cashman would gladly swallow his pride if it would help the Yankees.


First, you'll have to propose something more concrete than "a decent prospect," and, most importantly, you'll have to explain why the Mets would be willing to pay Vazquez so much money.

It would probably be more reasonable for the Yankees to pay half his salary and get a couple of prospects back.

But if you're going to do that, you might as well keep Vazquez around, see if his arm snaps back.

Sample sizes and half-truths.

"So you know: Through Friday night's games Austin Jackson - the kid the Yankees traded away for - was hitting .350 for the and had two more hits for the season than Robinson Cano does.

At a time when Cano is supposed to be the hottest guy in the world and MVP of everything."

I didn't even know that Cano was "supposed to be" the MVP of everything, but Cano had a great April.


"And right behind Jackson in the Tigers order, Johnny Damon is hitting like Johnny Damon for the Tigers, not exactly a startling development, even though the Yankees decided he needed to take nearly a 50% paycut last winter. (Damon is now hitting .344 and hit a walk-off homer Saturday.)

So you have to say it's a good thing the Yankees are pitching the way they are, because somebody might be asking where they've improved from last year to this with the changes they made in their batting order."

Yes, it would appear that Cashman is a moron.

Except Melky Cabrera is hitting .195 and Marcus Thames is hitting .550.

So Cashman is a genius ... and anybody who judges trades after one month is a moron.


The Yankees are second in the league in runs and fifth in ERA.

I didn't dive too deeply into these statistics, but it's just 30 seconds' worth of research to test Lupica's assertion that the Yankee pitching is saving the Yankee offense.

Don't intentionally put the winning run on base.

A couple of years ago, Girardi was criticized for pitching to Manny.

Only reason I remember is because I defended the move because I wouldn't intentionally put the winning run on base.

Today, Girardi intentionally walked Quentin, who was batting .182, and Quentin scored the winning run:

"The White Sox rallied in the seventh. Paul Konerko doubled with one out and Carlos Quentin drew an intentional walk from David Robertson (0-2) with two outs. Damaso Marte relieved and Pierzynski met him with a double to deep left-center."

Also, Girardi pinch hit for Winn and lost the DH.

Also, Girardi pinch ran for ARod in the ninth inning.

Joe Torre has a horse in the Kentucky Derby.

Oh, and the Dodgers are going through the motions:

"The fallout prompted Colletti to call Kemp into a postgame meeting that also included Manager Joe Torre.

'I wanted to explain to him that I didn't single out Matt Kemp,' Colletti said. 'I was asked a question about it. It's not one guy's responsibility. It's a team effort. It's a team effort when it goes in the right direction. It's a team effort when it doesn't. It starts with me.'

Kemp declined to talk about the meeting, but Stewart said the reason Colletti offered for saying what he said wasn't a valid one.

...

Torre avoided taking sides.

...

Stewart was less restrained.

'A man panicking is what it sounds like to me,' he said of Colletti.

Stewart said Colletti should take more responsibility for the Dodgers' 8-13 start.

'He hired the manager,' Stewart said. 'He hired the coaching staff. The players on the team were selected by him and the coaching staff.' "

I caught Torre in a pregame interview.

Torre talked about Darryl Strawberry and Cecil Fielder. Torre said that the 1996 Yankees adapted their strategy based on the changing personnel on their team. This is an important managerial approach, Torre said.

Unclear if Torre could name five players on the 2010 Dodgers.

Second in the AL East, but first in our hearts.

Only a delusional whore like Mike Lupica would actually push the Yankees vs. Mets storyline:

"With the Yankees stuck in second, the Mets have gone from last place in the NL East to first place in the NL East as fast as Jose Reyes."

The Yankees are 13-7.

"Stuck" in second place is just 2.5 games behind the Rays ... only 2 games back on the loss side! ... with, ummm, let's see ... 142 games to play.

But maybe Lupica is upset because the Yankees are three games ahead of the Boston Big Papis.


Also, one other thing: The Yankees are the current World Series Champions.

The Mets are not the current World Series Champions.

Asleep at the wheel.

The players are ultimately responsible for the outcome.

But this disgraceful game-changing at-bat is Girardi's fault:

"Kendry Morales: Intentional ball, Ball, Hunter stole third, Ball, Morales homered to center, Hunter and Matsui scored."

At first, the Yankees were going to intentionally walk Morales, but then they changed their mind.

If you're going to throw an intentional ball, then you have to stick with the intentional walk. You can't just put your pitcher in a 1-0 hole.

The 3-0 pitch was grooved, despite the fact that the Yankee coaches were reminding Cervelli/Marte that Morales was going to swing.

Well, Cervelli/Marte didn't get the message.

That's Girardi's fault.

To the Yankee fans who want to boo Javier Vazquez ...

Check out Charlie Hustle's .140 slugging percentage.

Wouldn't be steroids, would it?

"If David Ortiz is washed up, or just as old as some people seem to think he is, then the Red Sox are going to have to give up a bunch of prospects for Adrian Gonzalez sooner rather than later.

Because the Sox don't have enough stick."

Washed up ... or old ... or lacking steroids.


By the way, Lupica, Beltre has 0 HRs. and a .333 slugging percentage, while Lester has an ERA of 8.44.

Finally!

"But after becoming a World Series champion and offering little fodder for the gossip pages - he's reportedly dating Cameron Diaz after things ended with Kate Hudson - Rodriguez had the Yankee faithful wondering: What's taking so long?"

I know lots of Yankee fans and nobody was wondering.

But good to know he's reportedly dating Cameron Diaz.


"A-Rod put an end to the waiting Saturday in the Yankees' 7-3 victory over the Texas Rangers at the Stadium."

Yes, an end to the waiting. The world can resume its normal day-to-day activities.


"It came in his 42nd at-bat, ending the second-longest homerless drought of his career to begin a season, ..."

42 whole at-bats in the cold, in the rain, in April.


"... trailing only the 48 at-bat homerless streak he had at the start of the 1995 season with the Seattle Mariners."

Well, I give you credit for looking up an unimportant statistic.


"Yet for the 44,963 fans at the Stadium Saturday, A-Rod's first homer of the year seemed have the same effect as his first one last year: The focus was on the game, and the game alone, even as a graphic flashed on the big screen tracking Rodriguez's 'assault' on 600 home runs."

That's because nobody cared that he had gone 42 at-bats without hitting a HR.

Let's talk about Joe Torre.

"Kay then defended Girardi, his partner on 'The Joe Girardi Show' (Only on YES), saying he was a better manager than - yeah, you guessed it - Joe Torre.

'Joe Torre never managed at all,' Kay said. 'He managed men in the clubhouse, but he did nothing with X's and O's during a game.'

Kay went on to gush about what a great strategist Girardi, who managed the Yankees to a championship (he's still three rings shy of Torre) is. This is the same Girardi who, according to the other side of Kay's mouth, made those awful, confidence-shattering lineup changes Tuesday night.

So, there's a grand contradiction here."

It's not a grand contradiction to say that a great strategist made a few specific bad decisions. A great strategist is not necessarily a perfect strategist.

It's also not a contradiction to say that Girardi is a better strategist than Torre. Everyone knows that Torre couldn't be bothered with the lineups, roster, in-game strategies, bullpen management, etc.

Yet another baseball writer who doesn't like baseball.

"West should be applauded for speaking up. The game is way too slow. Speed it up, please.

We live in a fast-paced society. Everything has speeded up. E-mail, instant messaging, tweeting. But baseball has lagged behind, stayed in the horse and buggy era.

You would think all those finely tuned athletes, with millions in disposable income, would prefer a faster-paced game. But beating inside the chest of these guys with their fast toys is the heart of a traditionalist."

The games take longer to play, actually, so what you are saying is ignorant.

If the players were traditional, they'd play more quickly.


Talk about creating a problem where none exists.

The Yankees and Red Sox lead the league in attendance and ratings.

Taking their cue, I'd advise the rest of the league to slow down.

How long can the Daily News stick with Tim Smith?

Javier Vazquez has a bad start:

"You would have liked to see the 33-year-old Vazquez accomplish more in his first start."

Well, yeah.


"But you know Girardi is going to stick with him for as long as he can. How long did he stick with Chien-Ming Wang before pulling the plug last year? Wang had more of a body of work with the Yankees than Vazquez, so Girardi's Job-like patience was warranted in that case."

I think you meant to say Girardi's patience was not warranted. Since Wang's ERA was 199.00 and he was eventually cut from the team.


"How long do you stick with Vazquez? And do you start looking at Joba Chamberlain as a starter again? I know it's too early to start asking these questions, but Vazquez didn't inspire a lot of confidence Friday night."

How long will the Yankees stick with Vazquez as a starter and keep Joba in the bullpen?

The entire season, guaranteed.

Worst case scenario, let's say Vazquez gets hurt. The next starter would be Aceves, then Mitre, then a free agent, then somebody from the minors.

Joba will remain in the bullpen.

Chan Ho Park is vaunted by no one.

"Opening Day losses don't get more exasperating than this."

Sure they do, Mr. Imagination.

I'll bet the losing team in half the games today are more exasperated than the Yankees.

I'll bet at least one team loses when their closer blows the lead in the ninth inning. The most exasperating would be a walk-off balk. I don't think I've ever seen a walk-off balk.

Further, I'll bet the team that loses will leave two or three runners on third base with less than two outs and their manager will say they need to work on their situational hitting.


"When your ace can't hold a 5-1 lead, when your bullpen spits up a two-run lead quicker than you can say Chan Ho Park, your first thought is that 2009 suddenly seems like a long time ago."

Sabathia is the goat.

"Chan Ho Park?

He's the guy you want in the game holding a 7-5 lead in the seventh inning? Wasn't David Robertson supposed to be the next big thing in the Yankee bullpen? He got two outs in the sixth in relief of Sabathia, albeit after giving up a single that scored the tying run, and then he was gone."

That's why Sabathia is the goat.

Park is the 25th guy on the roster. Sabathia is a $160 million, 350-lb. ace.

Sabathia does his job and hands it to Robertson / Marte / Joba / Rivera with a 5-run lead in the 8th.

Chan Ho Park's job is to sweep up the peanut shells in the bullpen.


"Joba Chamberlain wasn't exactly the dominant reliever of old, either, allowing a vital insurance run in the eighth on a walk and two singles."

In 2007 -- three seasons ago -- Joba came up in the middle of the season and threw 24 incredible innings. One earned run.

He tanked a bit in the 2007 playoffs, but nobody seemed to hold it against him.

In 2008, Joba pitched successfully for 100 big-league innings, but he lost his fastball when he hurt his shoulder.

Since that shoulder injury, he has been usually good but not usually great.

If you're expecting an ERA of 0.38, you will be disappointed.

If that's what you mean by the "dominant reliever of old," it will never happen again.

I'm not sure what people are expecting from a setup guy. I just hope he's a little better than Kyle Farnsworth. Tom Gordon is probably setting the bar too high.

Mike Lupica notices Mariano Rivera is great.

Lupica finally jumped on board about mid-season last year:

"The talk of this season will be a new contract for Jeter, who wants to play past 40 the way Alex Rodriguez does. Their hero, their role model, should be Rivera. He is the Yankee they want to be when they reach his age. There have been other Yankees, and other pitchers, who pitched at a high level at 40. Not like No. 42. Find another iconic New York athlete in any sport who has ever done it quite like this."

I think the talk of this season will mostly be baseball games the Yankees play. Jeter's inevitable contract, barring unforeseen events, will be negotiated after the season and that's the end of the discussion.


"The best of it last fall really was the way a whole new light was shined on the excellence of Rivera, the grace, the professionalism, the importance of the man, on his team, and in this time in sports, where we have been conditioned to be disappointed by the most famous names."

Agreed. Too bad you didn't notice for the past decade-and-a-half since you were too busy worshiping Jeter, Big Papi, and Theo Epstein.


"More and more – mo and mo? – he let people get to know him, find out that he is the best quote in the room, has the sharpest take on baseball. And honest. And completely accountable. You want them all to be like him."

No, not "mo and mo," since you asked. That's corny and lame.

It's embarrassing for a sportswriter with access to Mariano Rivera didn't bother asking him any questions for a decade-and-a-half.

"As he gets later into his career, the question is always the same: Is this the year when he slips? Is this when he starts to act his age, become less than he has been?

'I hear that every April,' he said. 'I'm used to it.' "

Yes, you hear that every April.

Every year, Mariano hears that his career is over. Usually from punk Mike Lupica.

Every year, I explain that Lupica is wrong.

Every year, I am right.

Ian O'Connor decides who's good and who's bad.

ESPN's loss is the The Record's gain:

"These are the last words I will write for The Record, which makes them by far the toughest. I was a Record delivery boy in my youth in Englewood, wondering what it would be like to write for my hometown paper, but never actually thinking I’d get lucky enough to find out.

In my first column on Dec. 31, 2006, I wrote that my goal was to celebrate the good guys and chase the bad guys.' I hope I did more celebrating than chasing in the 39 months since."

Alex Rodriguez is bad, I would presume.

That's quite a mission for a sportswriter, though.

Instead of telling us who won the game and how, he basically wants to be God.

Mike Lupica knows nothing about jurisprudence or journalism.

1) You can't prove a negative.

2) When nothing happens, it isn't news.

Alex Rodriguez has been accused of nothing. Therefore, there is nothing to deny. It's a fake story.

If the moon isn't made of green cheese, then why haven't scientists denied that the moon is made of green cheese?

Why hasn't ARod talked to the feds? Maybe he doesn't want to. He has the right to remain silent. It doesn't mean he's guilty; it means he's smart.

"You are supposed to believe that Rodriguez not flying up to Buffalo this week to talk to the feds was somehow by mutual consent. Right. Here's the mutual consent, so you know: Rodriguez's lawyers talked them out of it.

Oh, sure. The lawyers didn't want their Yankee star being walked into a courthouse or wherever the meeting was going to take place like it was some kind of perp walk, for an investigation A-Rod keeps saying is about somebody else.

So the interview was pushed back. Again. The longer this plays out (it seems harder for the feds and A-Rod to sit down than it was for A-Rod to finally win himself a World Series), the more you wonder how much we might be dealing with star-struck investigators here.

Really: How come Beltran and Reyes were able to fit this in and Rodriguez hasn't? They've had the whole month of March, and now you start to think that 'Dancing With the Stars' will be over before Rodriguez's own dance with the feds might be.

If Rodriguez's story is so innocent, if he only needed Dr. Galea to give him any kind of treatment — with anti-inflammatory pills or platelets that he could have gotten from the Yankee team doctor or at any big hospital in the big bad city — how come it is taking him so long to tell it?"

You know what you should do, Lupica? Use the "Dancing With the Stars" reference again. Your pop culture references are sliding to depths on par with your journalistic skills.

The greatest poll I've ever read.

Read the comments by the hometown analysts.

Out of 30 analyses, approximately 26 are bullish. Only Ralph Kiner really rips his team -- they're bearish on the Blue Jays and Royals, too.

Every other team is underrated.

If all these teams are going to win, somebody has to lose.

Which means the Royals will probably lose 500 games.

Alex Rodriguez doesn't cause headaches. Reading Ian O'Connor columns cause headaches.

"You thought it ended with the ticker tape, didn’t you? You figured Alex Rodriguez was a made man at last, a notarized Yankee, a megastar worthy of riding in Derek Jeter’s parade?"

As far as I'm concerned, he was a notarized Yankee and a megastar the day he signed with the Yankees in 2004.


"You thought A-Rod might play the rest of his career free of ominous clouds, right?"

Yes, I thought that ARod might play the rest of his career free of "ominous clouds."

Yet, it seems no man can play the rest of his free free of ominous clouds.

Clouds sure are ominous. Especially rainclouds, which portend rain.

Sigh. It's such an apt metaphor for a man who makes $27.5 million per year and just won a World Series ring. In fact, I think I might cry for Alex Rodriguez.


"And sure enough, A-Rod returned from his hip surgery, stayed clear of trouble, and expunged his record as a postseason gagger by playing a leading role in the Yankees’ first title in nine years.

Rodriguez was made whole again. Fans with a spectacular talent for confusing victory with virtue couldn’t remember if A-Rod had injected 'boli' or simply popped a few Tic Tacs."

Victory is virtue.

The rest is fodder for hack sportswriters.


"Only the summit in Buffalo never happened. Rodriguez showed up at the ballpark in Tampa and told reporters, 'Nothing was ever scheduled.'

Of course the meeting will take place, sooner rather than later, but here’s the larger point: It will never, ever be over with A-Rod."

You can keep following him around with a notepad him if you wish.

I don't know one single Yankee fan who's even paying attention.


"He can go ahead and win three more titles with the Yankees and still make you wonder if he’s worth the trouble."

I'll answer that: He's worth the trouble.

You know who's not worth the trouble Kei Igawa.


"He can still create enough distractions and choreograph enough diva dramas to make you wonder if Hank Steinbrenner would’ve been better off committing that $305 million to two generations’ worth of starting pitchers."

No, you are 100% wrong. See previous comment regarding Kei Igawa.


How many anti-ARod articles has Ian O'Hackor written in his life? How many times has he proclaimed that the Yankees can't win the World Series with ARod?

So when Ian O'Hackor is proven wrong, he just changes the criteria.

(A quick search for "Ian" on my blog revealed multiple articles where Ian O'Connor said the Yankees were better off with Cody Ransom instead of Alex Rodriguez, etc.)


Oh, and Ian O'Mathor apparently thinks $305 million will pay for forty years' worth of starting pitchers.

$305 million over two generations will get you a bullpen full of Juan Acevedos.

Hank Steinbrenner owns a calculator, can calculate the merch and attendance boost, and will conclude that ARod is underpaid.

I don't agree ...

But, assuming Schilling was clean, he's one of the few whose criticisms carry weight.

The Red Sox.

So, the headline reads, "Boston Red Sox starting rotation should give Yankees reason to worry."

Of course. Nothing profound here.

What's interesting, though, is the rest of the article, wherein Bill Madden talks about shortstops.

I'm expecting an article next Sunday entitled "The Jeter Factor" that talks about the Red Sox pitching rotation.

How do you say "bust" in Japanese?

"Igawa, 30, signed a five-year, $20 million contract with New York before the 2007 season, but the Yankees have seen little return on that investment, to say nothing of the $26 million posting fee paid to his former club, the Hanshin Tigers of the Japanese Central League"

Given.

"Garciaparra’s name didn’t come up in the Mitchell Report. He never testified before Congress. He wasn’t implicated in BALCO. Yet numerous people in baseball, from executives to reporters to other players, talk about his career as if performance-enhancing drug use was a given."

I always like the source "numerous people."

Some players evoke sympathy and some do not.

I'm guessing Ivan Rodriguez gets into the HOF on the first ballot and Alex Rodriguez does not.

Is it because Mets are good and Yankees are bad?

"Why is A-Rod different from Beltran and Reyes?"

Because ARod hit more than 10 HRs last season?

Because ARod has a shiny new championship ring on his finger? A championship ring that mocks and tortures Mike Lupica on a daily basis, like a ringworm slowly eating at Lupica's soul?



"Because Rodriguez is the big New York baseball star who has priors when it comes to performance-enhancing drugs. Beltran and Reyes do not."

Oh.


Nobody else cares, Lupica, but at least this give you something to write about besides long-forgotten Johnny Damon.

Proof that Jeter's the most overrated.

By the way, this article goes on for six pages.

Six pages in a March, 2010 New York Daily News article explaining who Derek Jeter is and what Derek Jeter has done.

Is there anyone in the New York Daily News readership who doesn't know all of this already?


Why can't Jeter be appreciated for his world-class, All Star, Hall of Fame abilities without continual exaggeration of these abilities?

A guy who hits 15 HRs per year ... even if that player eventually earns the title of greatest shortstop ever ... even if that player gets 4,000 hits ... that player simply can never be better than Babe Ruth.


Most popular Yankee ever? Perhaps. Different question.

Best Yankee shortstop ever? He passed Rizzuto about 10 years ago.

Best shortstop ever? It's possible, though it is really just due to a technicality, because Jeter never moved to third base or first base like other superior shortstops.

Best Yankee ever? Don't even ask the question because it's dopey.

It's not Jeter's fault. If you want to put him on the fictional Yankee Mount Rushmore, that's fine. It's just that Ruth, Gehrig, Mantle, Berra, and Dimaggio all happened to play for the Yankees.

Also, the existence of Mariano Rivera begs the question if Jeter is even the best Yankee on his own team.

Mets good, Yankees bad.

"Understand: Just because Galea likes human growth hormone doesn't mean that Reyes does.

...

And just because Reyes now has a problem with his thyroid gland, and is in New York City for sophisticated testing on it, does not mean those problems were caused by any kind of synthetic drug in his system.

...

'Good medicine is about eliminating possible causes,' Dr. Lewis Maharam - a doctor of sports medicine who has made sense about performance-enhancing drugs for years - said yesterday. 'It's about differentials, making a list of possibilities and then eliminating them one by one. But there is a possibility that human growth hormone could cause a spike of thyroid hormone levels.' "

Okay, I agree with you. No need to prosecute a person without due process. But the evidence grows that Jose Reyes is a cheater and this doesn't bother you at all. Because Jose Reyes is a Met.


"There was a time not so long ago when Reyes was supposed to be the shortstop from the NL East who seemed to be the best bet to be MVP. It turned out to be Jimmy Rollins instead. Rollins and the Phillies then won a World Series and Derek Jeter and the Yankees won a World Series."

It's Lupica Journalism.

Lupica says something ignorant. That ignorant statement becomes the "supposed to." Worse, Lupica roots for his pre-conceived scenario.

So it's not journalism at all. It's making predictions and keeping score. Not what happened, but what is gonna happen and what shoulda happened.


"You know what's really going to chafe the people running the New York Yankees?

If A-Rod went to see Dr. Tony Galea, blood-spinner to the stars, and told them he didn't."

Why would that chafe the people running the New York Yankees?

I just read an entire article about Jose Reyes's connection to Galea in which Reyes was completely let off the hook.

That article was written by you.

Is Derek Jeter going somewhere?

"The Yankees need to find a way to make Derek Jeter a Yankee for Life. There's really only one way. At some point the Steinbrenner family would have to take him into the ownership group.

...

The Yankees and Jeter will come together on a new deal at some point, but Jeter needs to be a Yankee for Life and there is a way to make him one. The Yankees need to work out a deal with Jeter where they allow him to become part of Yankees ownership after his playing days are complete. Players cannot be part of ownership, so this would have to be a separate deal.

...

Where will that ownership path take him? It should take him through The Bronx. Jeter should be a Yankee for Life."

To summarize:

Jeter should be a Yankee for Life ... bunch of words ... Jeter should be a Yankee for Life.

He's guilty, alright. Guilty of being TOTALLY AWESOME!

"Over a span of 61 seconds at Alex Rodriguez’s locker, the most turbulent 61 seconds of a downright sleepy Yankee spring, the third baseman managed to declare three times that the performance-enhancing police are banging on another suspect’s door."

You timed it?

You timed it to the exact second?

Or is that a very shaky allusion to Roger Maris's HR record?


"But no, realistically, this isn’t about someone else. It’s about Alex Rodriguez. It’s about a once-in-a-generation ballplayer who cheated the game, cheated the fans and cheated himself, and who now is discovering that even a World Series ring and ticker-tape parade can’t absolve him of his not-so-venial steroid sins."

"Venial."

Ian O'Connor found thesaurus.com.

Good for him.


"Asked if he’s had any direct contact with Galea, Rodriguez said, 'I can’t get into that.'

He’ll get into it with the feds."

Boy, this is some interesting breaking news.

They're basically going to find Alex Rodriguez is guilty of everything he already admitted to.

Yes, Gregg Zaun's non-existent reputation was tarnished.

"Gregg Zaun still believes the Mitchell Report was sloppy and full of holes, leading to several inaccurate conclusions, including about himself.

Yet, although his reputation was damaged, he says the game is better off with a blemished report than none at all."

In fact, baseball fans were polled about Gregg Zaun's steroid use:

1% guilty.
1% not guilty.
23% Greg Vaughn probably did take steroids.
75% Gregg who?

La Genius

"No, you won't see La Russa writing a book like this because, if you believe him, he had no clue any of this was going on.

Think about that for a minute. La Russa was the manager of the Oakland Athletics at the time when many believe the steroid era in baseball blew up in the A's locker room, with McGwire, Canseco and others believed to be using the drugs in the late 1980s and early 1990s time period, when Oakland was a dominant offensive team. And then, La Russa moves to another league, the National League, in 1996, to manage the St. Louis Cardinals, and brought a rejuvenated McGwire over with him. And then, under La Russa's watch, you have the summer of 1998, the battle between McGwire and Sammys Sosa over Roger Maris' 61 home run record -- a 37-year-old mark -- with McGwire so big he looked like he would explode if you stuck a pin in him. Over a three-year period, under La Russa's watch, McGwire hit 193 home runs, an unprecedented total.

Yet if we believe La Russa, he was ignorant of any performance-enhancing substance use in both Oakland and St. Louis. This man -- George Will's example of brilliance in the book, 'Men at Work,' a baseball manager with a law degree, the subject of the book, 'Three Nights in August,' by Buzz Bissinger, a book that, according to Publisher's Weekly, 'reveals La Russa's history and personality, conveying the manager's intensity and his compulsive need to be prepared for any situation that might arise during, "the war" of each at-bat' -- didn't know the stars of his teams were using steroids.

Of all the absurdities of the steroid era, this might be the most absurd."

Was that ARod or Le Tari?

The guy with the big teeth who played Dudley's father on "Diff'rent Strokes":

"Not a hint of smugness. Not a trace of gloating. Contentment instead of conceit.

Was that A-Rod or the Dalai Lama?"

Tee hee.

"Was that A-Rod or Edmund Hillary?

Sir Hillary, after becoming the first man to scale Mount Everest, devoted his life to building hospitals and schools for the Sherpa people of Nepal."

Chortle.


"This from the former teen prodigy who became a certified cheater, perhaps the most gifted player in baseball history who indisputably became the highest-paid, found serenity by giving in to the greater good.

Was that A-Rod or Frank William Abagnale?"

Whoa. How obscure are these references gonna get?

" 'We both talked about what an amazing feeling it was to be world champs and how badly we want to do that again,' Rodriguez said. 'It becomes an addiction. You want to just keep winning.'

Was that A-Rod or Derek Jeter?"

Waka waka.

Maybe ARod really is a lot like Derek Jeter. Still arrogant and egotistical and smug, but just good at charming the press corps.

Ryan Franklin not against firearms in MLB clubhouses.

Ryan Franklin Must Kill The Queen.

I dare you to not bring up the Yankees.

" 'When I got the three-year deal (before 2008), I thought I'd manage two ...' "

Guy has never seemed to enthusiastic about managing the Los Angeles Dodgers.


" 'I've never been this age before, but at some point you are going to dread going to spring training ... ' "

Anybody else says "I've never been this age before" and I'd dismiss it as an amusing wordplay.

When Joe Torre says it, I truly wonder if he understands the basics of time, place, and biology.


"Torre, wearing his 1996 Yankees World Series ring, has not reached the heights in Los Angeles that he did in New York, where he won four championships.

...

'After being in New York, I never really anticipated going anywhere else, and starting again, but it was a great decision on my part to continue doing this, because it's been a lot of fun,' Torre said."

"Brett Gardner works on tool."

Bunting. I'll believe it when I see it. I've heard it before from other speedy ballplayers.

He moves the merch.

"It seems that the prevailing thought is that neither the Yankees nor Jeter would gain much by parting ways, so a deal is going to get done eventually. Still, as an advanced-aged player who is still highly productive, Jeter is an outlier. And that status creates the potential for negotiations to get complicated."

By now, I think it should be clear that Jeter brings in the fans and sells a zillion tee-shirts.

Last year, it became a big event just because he passed Lou Gehrig in career hits ... as a Yankee. Imagine the draw as he approaches 3,000 hits? Or as he approaches Pete Rose?

The Yankees are going to pay him a ton of money and he's worth every penny. It has little to do with his on-base percentage. Which, by the way, is purty darn good.

I know! I know!

"There were 43 Super Bowls before the other night. Try to remember all the quarterbacks who threw a fat pitch like the one Manning threw to Porter."

Kurt Warner.

Last year.

The guy ran it back 100 yards for a touchdown on the last play of the first half.

Hypocrite.

Imagine if the Yankees had signed Matt Holliday. Lupica would have chastised the Yankees for trying to buy the World Series, trying to buy an All Star at every position, blah blah blah.

I find it odd that everybody is telling the WS champs how they should spend their money:

"They are a better team with him than they are without him and they don't have to lay off members of the grounds crew to get him."

I agree.

Damon should be the fifth or sixth outfielder on this team.

Swisher, Granderson, Holliday, Bay, Manny, Damon. Though Manny would probably DH.

Oh, and Halladay should be the #1 starter.


"You know how long this would take to work out? One day this week. That's if the Yankees really ever wanted him back in the first place."

The. Yankees. Did. Not. Want. Damon. Back. In. The. First. Place.


"But it is better business for the Yankees, because they really can make their team better and their fans happy (does anybody NOT want Damon back?) at the same time."

I know some people who don't want Damon back, but that's just me.

Damon is suddenly being presented as some kind of fan favorite. Kind of reminds me of last year's sudden ascendance of Mussina and Abreu.


"You know Yankee fans know the market, they know about all those Carl Crawfords out there next winter. But they are infinitely more interested in the season their team is about to play, and winning two in a row, and having their team resume its play as the baddest on the planet."

Not even close.

It's sort of like when Cashman passed on Johan Santana because he had CC Sabathia in his sights.


"They're not being asked to break the bank here. It's not like the gap between the two sides is as wide as CC Sabathia."

Ha ha.

Tiger Woods has sex with lots of women and CC Sabathia is fat.



"But are we really supposed to believe that Hal Steinbrenner found $180 million under the bed for Mark Teixeira last winter and now can't find whatever it will take to bring back a popular, winning ballplayer and stick him back in the No. 2 slot behind Jeter?"

No, sir. We are not really supposed to believe that.

You figured out all on your own that the Yankees didn't want Damon back.

Granderson will bat second and play better defense than Damon. But it's not really a baseball discussion, anyway.

Lupica seems angry about the fact that the Yankees are disingenuous. Lupica finds it necessary to call out the Yankees on their bogus PR stance.

It's like being angry that Billy Mays lied to you -- the mighty putty doesn't really work.

Johnny Damon's Biggest Fan.

All I remember for four years were complaints about Damon's age, defense, fragility, and haircut.

Now, Lupica is Damon's biggest fan.

Also, Lupica evidently doesn't have the ability to look ahead to 2011 when Cashman needs to sign Jeter, Rivera, and Carl Crawford:

"The headline is that the Yankees have a budget. We are supposed to believe that this budget is the reason that goes now. Sure it is."

Nobody is supposed to believe it. It's public relations.

The headline says the Yankees are "demonizing" Damon. But the Yankees are being nice to Damon, blaming some imaginary budget constraints.

You weren't fired, you were laid off.


"Now you can take the Yankees at their word, buy this notion that they can't spend $200 million on baseball players anymore. But if you do, you sort of have to wonder if the team really is rolling in dough, the way we're constantly told."

Nobody believes money is the reason they passed on Damon.


"Really? Johnny Damon turns out to be the one guy the Yankees can't afford? It would be like finding the one bar girl Tiger Woods didn't want to take home with him."

Mike Lupica is short.


"But now Yankee fans are told their team went for Nick Johnson over Damon because Johnson is cheaper labor."

Johnson replaced Matsui. Granderson replaced Damon. The Yankees wanted better defense in the outfield without losing offense.


"The Yankees are always pretty sensitive when anybody suggests that they bought themselves their first world championship in nine years. And maybe they can win another one this season with an outfield of Granderson, Swisher, Gardner and Winn."

They pretend to be sensitive. Again, public relations.

Brian Cashman is reading this article while lighting his cigar with a $100 bill.


"For now, though, they desperately want Damon's departure to be somebody else's fault. Damon's. Boras'. Anybody but theirs."

I don't think Yankee fans really care nearly as much about Damon as Lupica seems to think.

Damon was here for four years -- I think it was four years -- played quite well most of the time. No arm, shaky in the field, getting older, 2009 offensive outburst aided a lot by Yankee Stadium's short porch.

It's not like the Mets trading Seaver or the Yankees passing on Jeter. It's more like last year when the Yankees passed on Abreu -- remember that guy?


"You know what the bottom line is on this sudden bottom line the Yankees have? If they wanted Damon to play two more years here, he'd be playing two more years here. They just don't want to say that. And for some loopy reason, they want to act as if they're the victims here."

If the Yankees wanted Jerry Hairston Jr. to play here, he'd be playing here.

What's your point?



"Except: Except none of those moves matters if Cashman didn't get to spend nearly a half-billion dollars on CC Sabathia and A.J. Burnett and Mark Teixeira last winter!"

Except: Except!

The Battle for New York.

"But Rex Ryan shouldn't worry about winning a fight with the Giants he can't win, that's he's never going to win. He should worry instead about beating the Patriots. And the Steelers. And the Colts."

Right.

I'll remember that the next time the Mets play the Yankees in the Ultimate Battle for the hearts and minds of grizzled New Yorkers.

Lupica should remember that the Mets shouldn't worry about winning a fight with the Yankees. They should worry about the Phillies. And the Marlins. And the Braves. And the Nationals. And the Cardinals. And the Cubs. And the Reds. And the Brewers. And the Pirates. And the Astros. And the Diamondbacks. And the Padres. And the Dodgers. And the Giants. And the Rockies.

They should worry about the National League.

If you want to be immortal, it's better to not be elected to the Hall of Fame.

When is the last time Rod Carew was discussed on a sports talk show?:

"So, Mark McGwire used steroids."

You're not shocked. Nobody is shocked.

You know what would be funny, though? If you sarcastically compared McGwire to his contemporaries.


"In other breaking news, Pete Rose bet on Baseball, Gilbert Arenas is familiar with the Second Amendment, and Tiger Woods is out of the running for Husband of the Decade."

HA HA HA!

Well played, maestro.

Gilbert Arenas and Tiger Woods ... in the same sentence! It's LOL overload.


"You probably want to know if this will change McGwire’s prospects for the Hall of Fame."

Err ... I guess I probably do. It's about 500th on my current want-to-know list:

1) Is Sarah Palin serious?

2) Should the United States continually sacrifice personal liberties in the name of security?

3) With the technological decentralization of information and entertainment, why does the resultant news and entertainment paradoxically seem more monolithic than ever before?

...

499) What is that stain on my rug?

500) Will Mark McGwire's confession change his prospects for the Hall of Fame?

501) Who was the lead singer for Kajagoogoo?


"You probably want to know if, in the great American tradition, this confession will start him on the path to salvation – in this case, Cooperstown, N.Y."

Okay, you convinced me I want to know this.


"You probably want to know if I view him differently, now that he has come clean. "

Actually, yeah, I want to know if you view McGwire differently. It was the first thing I thought of. Because, when Jon Paul Moroni talks, people listen.


"Let me explain. I’m not currently a Hall voter. But if and when I join the electorate, I will apply a different standard to hitters who played during the Steroid Era. That’s the period that roughly coincides with McGwire’s playing career (1986 through 2001)."

Okie dokie.


"So, I have a simple policy: If you played during that time, you will need to have done more than hit 400, 500 or even 600 Home runs in order to get my vote. One-dimensional players need not apply. It was just too easy for very strong men to get on the juice and hit baseballs over the fence."

a) Why was the "Home" in "Home runs" suddenly capitalized?

b) 600 Home runs is a convenient allusion to Sammy Sosa, I get it. But what about 700? 1,000?

What if Troy Tulowitzki ... prior to the discovery of an effective human growth hormone test ... hits ten-thousand Home runs?

Then, would you vote Tulowitzki into the Hall of Fame? No? Even if hit ten-thousand Home runs?


Hey, if Abba can make the rock-and-roll Hall of Fame, well, then I think a player with ten-thousand Home runs can make the baseball Hall of Fame.

"Adrian Beltre might be a great signing."

Lupica hyped up Cameron when Cameron signed with the Mets. Cameron was awful then and Cameron is awful now.

Love the kind of player who has 1,798 career strikeouts to go along with his 265 career HRs. Keep swinging for the fences. It seems to be working out for you.


All of these signings of has-beens remind me of last year's John Smoltz signing. Remember how John Smoltz was going to win a bunch of playoff games for Boston?:

"The Red Sox have quietly changed a third of their starting lineup with Adrian Beltre - what might be a great signing - and Marco Scutaro and Mike Cameron, who now goes to center field."

And Tony Womack is going to be a fan favorite in New York.

And Alex Rodriguez is going to play first base.

And Wright/Reyes are better than ARod/Jeter. It's a modern-day Mays vs. Mantle debate that has swept the entire country as Wright managed to hit 12 HRs in a whole season.

And Mariano Rivera gave up that HR to Jason Bay last April (or May) and that means Mariano Rivera is finally finished.


"They are talking more and more about pitching and defense at Fenway, but guess what?

David Ortiz still better hit if they're going to make a run at the Yankees this season."

Beltre and Ortiz both need steroids to perform effectively, alright?

Guess what? That's what.

Andre Dawson played for a very long time and hit 49 HRs one year.

Jeff Pearlman is right:

"To be blunt, sportswriters have no business deciding which men do and do not belong in Cooperstown. It's a farce. A joke. Having spent many of my days covering baseball from press boxes across the nation, I will now proportionately break down for you what, exactly, we scribes do during a nine-inning game:

20 percent: Watch baseball

20 percent: Write skeletal game stories, with blanks to be filled in later

15 percent: E-mail

15 percent: Facebook/MySpace/Twitter

10 percent: Attack press dining room ice cream dispenser

8 percent: Debate the Jerry Mumphrey-Omar Moreno deal

5 percent: Return to press dining room ice cream dispenser

3 percent: Return again to press dining room ice cream dispenser

2 percent: Complain to neighboring writer that press dining room ice cream dispenser lacks chocolate syrup

1 percent: Shoot evil looks toward the overexuberant radio dolt screaming, 'I'M FRANKIE ZACCHEO! IN THE FIFTH INNING HERE FROM PNC PARK, IT'S THE BREWERS 3, THE PIRATES NOTHING!!!!!' into a telephone

1 percent: Google 'public relations' and 'job openings'

In other words, while most baseball writers attend 100 or so games per year, they are no more qualified to determine a ballplayer's Hall worthiness than, well, you are."

Jon Heyman is wrong:

"I don't put quite the same emphasis as some on career statistics, especially in cases where I've had the chance to follow a player's entire career as it was unfolding, as was the case with this year's entire ballot. (That happens when you get old.)

I consider impact more than stats. I like dominance over durability. I prefer players who were great at some point to the ones who were merely very good for a very long time. And I do recall it's called the Hall of Fame, not the Hall of Numbers."

What the heck did I just read? Impact more than stats? You mean the non-statistical impact a baseball player has?

Seriously, get over yourself.

When you feel the need to spend 12,000 words explaining why you did something, it's probably because you're trying to convince yourself.

Peter Gammons is in the writer's wing of the baseball Hall of Fame.

"The perception that Bay didn't want to play for the Mets took on a life of
its own, all the more so after Peter Gammons said that Bay would rather
play in Beirut than at Citi Field. Just remember that nobody is
better-connected to the Red Sox front office than Gammons, and the Sox sure
did seem to have a lot to say, off the record, about a player with whom
they cut off negotiations."

If Peter Gammons is in the writer's wing of the baseball Hall of Fame, then Billy Jo Robidoux should be in the player's wing of the baseball Hall of Fame.

Tim Brown is not the only one ...

The first I've seen to address the subject indirectly for Roberto Alomar:

"I will not vote for a player I believe turned to performance-enhancing drugs, even if for a brief time."

I believe Roberto Alomar took performance-enhancing drugs.

I believe the same thing about Craig Biggio, Pedro Martinez, dozens of others whose numbers put them in the HOF.


I just think the whole argument is very odd. Clemens, Bonds, and McGwire never admitted to anything, we just believe what we see with our own eyes ... or what has been reported.

What's going to happen when the New York Times reveals Alomar's presence on a list ... after he has been inducted into the HOF?

Jason Bay is a good player.

"Here the New York Mets go again, throwing money at a big-name free agent whom they misguidedly convince themselves will solve their troubles."

???

I'm rooting against the Mets and take some delight in their misery.

But their biggest problems in 2009 were (a) the Phillies and (b) injuries.

Jason Bay doesn't solve their problems if Santana, Reyes, and Beltran are injured -- nobody said he did.

I don't think anybody expects 36/119 with the bigger home ballpark and the inferior lineup. But he's a good player and good players are a key ingredient of good baseball teams.


"All of this highlights an endemic problem with the Mets that they try to cover with their payrolls, which provided among the highest cost per win in baseball this past decade: Their player-development system is a mess, and not the kind of mess a toddler makes at dinner. It is whole-cafeteria-food-fight bad, and in that respect, the coupling of Minaya and the Mets seems perfectly matrimonious."

That's probably true. But Bay is a second-tier player who just signed for third-tier prices -- I fail to see how this signing severely strains the Mets' finances.


"Together, they have spent hundreds of millions to go backward. There was the ill-fated Pedro Martinez deal. And the on-deathbed-ill-fated contract for Oliver Perez. They blew money ($25 million on Luis Castillo). They lavished it ($37 million in a closer-loaded market for Francisco Rodriguez, with an easily attainable $17.5 million option). They spent themselves out of all the good will engendered by the tremendously club-friendly contracts for David Wright and Jose Reyes."

Pedro? Bad deal because he was too old.

Oliver Perez? Very bad deal because he's bad.

Luis Castillo, K-Rod, Wright, and Reyes are all good players.


"Wright and Reyes represent the only worthwhile thing the Mets can call their own. Since 1985, the Mets have signed and developed five players who later wore their uniforms in an All-Star game. Five. Wright, Reyes, Todd Hundley, Edgardo Alfonzo and Bobby Jones. Even Kansas City can say it has passed eight homegrown All-Stars through its system."

Which is why you sign Jason Bay rather than waiting for Lastings Millege.


"Still, it speaks to the team’s recognition that baseball trades in a new currency – youth – and that the Mets always arrive late to the party of the latest trend."

I don't really think baseball trades in a new currency called youth.

But, even if it did, Bay is relatively young and relatively cheap.

It's not like the two-year Julio Franco deal.

The Mets will be fine. They just need to swap DLs with Philly.

The more Cashman denies it ...

"It appears as though the Evil Empire isn't going to add insult to injury this offseason by swooping in and taking Jason Bay, after all.

...

'It won't be a big-name situation,' he said. 'I can promise you that.' "

Well, "promise" is a strong word.

But I remember when Bubba Crosby was going to be the CFer, when Mike Lamb was going to be the third-baseman, and when Todd Williams was going to be the primary setup man.

You seriously don't think the Yankees are going to sign Bay?

Archives.

Mike Lupica on January 29, 2006: "You have to say that the Red Sox don't lose much offense replacing Johnny Damon with Coco Crisp, and pick up younger legs in the process. In Boston they now think of Johnny Damon as the guy who used to play center for the Red Sox right before Cocoa [sic] Crisp."

Mike Lupica suddenly loves Johnny Damon.

I clearly remember when the Yankees signed Damon, Lupica praised the Red Sox for obtaining Coco Crisp -- "same player for 1/3rd the price," or something to that effect.

During Damon's Yankee career, Lupica endlessly ripped Damon's age and Damon's arm.

Now that Damon is leaving the Yankees, check it out:

"If the Yankees aren’t trying to drive down the price on Johnny Damon the way they did last season with Andy Pettitte — another time when they talked about a 'budget' that is about as real as the Loch Ness Monster — they are going to miss Damon next season.

They are going to miss a perfect No. 2 hitter for their team.

They are going to miss the pop in his bat.

And they are going to miss the kind of winning ballplayer that you don’t just let walk out the door.

Other than that, I guess they’ll pretty much be fine."

They will be fine, though I detect irony in your tone.


Are you unaware that the Yankees acquired Curtis Granderson? Who will bat second for the Yankees?

Granderson has more speed, more power, and a better arm. Granderson is a much better fielder. Granderson is a lot younger and a lot less expensive.


Oh, and by the way, the Yankees are the reigning Champions.


"Curtis Granderson was saying the other day that not only are he and Joe Girardi both Chicago guys, but they both like Italian food and right away I was thinking: Boy, what are the odds?"

Very good journalism.

Entering Yankees get ripped. Exiting Yankees get praised.

Zzzzzzzzz.

Lupica, you really need a new thing.


"If Jason Bay is the Mets’ left fielder next season, he makes them a better baseball team.

And they’re not offering the moon to get him.

And so I guess my question to Mets fans is:

One more thing on Tiger: If his sponsorship with Accenture was supposed to be such a big deal for it and a crushing loss for it — how come I have no idea after all these years what Accenture DOES?"

"My question to Mets fans is:"

Your question to Mets fans is: "how come I have no idea after all these years what Accenture DOES?"


Okay, okay, I'm sure that's just a misprint/editing goof. Lupica really had a question for Mets fans. I'm sure it was very enlightening, such as, "Who's going to pitch the ball for your team?"

Because Mike Lupica noticed the Mets don't have a deep starting staff.

Because Mike Lupica is New York's premier sportswriter.



See, the Yankees are going to sign Bay.

So, as long as Lupica thinks Bay is going to the Mets, Lupica will praise Bay. Lupica probably voted Bay for AL MVP last season.

But as soon as Bay signs with the Yankees, Lupica will find twenty reasons to dislike Bay.

I'm still worried about Justin Verlander in the playoffs.

"Phil Coke, a lefty out of the bullpen, is gone in the Granderson trade, Coke being the latest young pitcher the Yankees fell out of love with at warp speed, especially after Damaso Marte remembered how to get people out in October and November."

Get people out in October?

Unlike, say, Jonathan Papelbon?

Sorry, Lupica. I know it's a painful memory for you.

Also, Joe Mauer and Albert Pujols.

It's easy being an imaginary General Manager.

Not everything, just baseball.

Kind of an odd criticism to direct towards the current champs:

"Has there ever been a single baseball winter out of the last 10 or so when the Yankees weren't declared the champions of everything and everybody all over again?"

I don't really know, actually. I haven't ever paid attention to the winter meetings reactions. They got Granderson for garbage, so I don't think the Yankees made out too poorly.

Has there ever been a single baseball winter out of the past 10 or so when Mike Lupica didn't root for the Red Sox?

Yankees acquire outfielder described as "hard-nosed."

We're looking at you, Melky.

Melky, you seemed a little too happy to miss the last few games of the World Series with a hamstring injury.

Who knew one could injure their hamstring while jogging half-speed to first base?

"Intriguing," he says.

Halladay would be "fascinating" and Pujols would be "mesmerizing."

2009 NL MVP.

Them		Us
Albert Pujols	448	Albert Pujols	60
Hanley Ramirez	233	Prince Fielder	24
Ryan Howard	217	Ryan Howard	21
Prince Fielder	203	Hanley Ramirez	16
Troy Tulowitzki	113	Jose Reyes	4
Pablo Sandoval	89	David Wright	4
Chase Utley	84	Manny Ramirez	3
Derrek Lee	66	Troy Tulowitzki	2
Matt Kemp	49	Tony Bernazard	1
Ryan Braun	43	Bobby Abreu	1
Adrian Gonzalez	30	Ryan Braun	1
Todd Helton	28	Daniel Murphy	1
Chris Carpenter	25
Adam Wainwright	16
Matt Holliday	15
Jayson Werth	10
Shane Victorino	8
Tim Lincecum	8
Yunel Escobar	6
Mark Reynolds	6
Joey Votto	4
Yadier Molina	3
Miguel Tejada	3
Huston Street	2
Juston Upton	2
Ryan Zimmerman	2
Jeremy Affeldt	1
Chris Coghlan	1
Brad Hawpe	1

2009 AL MVP.

Them		Us
Joe Mauer	387	Joe Mauer	55
Mark Teixeira	225	Mark Teixeira	30
Derek Jeter	193	Derek Jeter	23
Miguel Cabrera	171	Miguel Cabrera	11
Kendry Morales	170	Alex Rodriguez	8
Kevin Youkilis	150	Kendry Morales	7
Jason Bay	78	Justin Morneau	3
Ben Zobrist	34	Jorge Posada	3
Ichiro Suzuki	33	Vladimir Guerrero	2
Alex Rodriguez	31	Bobby Abreu	1
Chone Figgins	31	Jason Bay	1
Aaron Hill	23	Trevor Hoffman	1
Bobby Abreu	23	Adam Lind	1
Mariano Rivera	17	Manny Ramirez	1
Adam Lind	14	Ichiro Suzuki	1
Michael Young	13	Kevin Youkilis	1
Zack Greinke	12
Robinson Cano	12
Evan Longoria	9
Justin Verlander	7
CC Sabathia	4
Michael Cuddyer	4
Victor Martinez	4
Jason Kubel	3
Placido Polanco	2
Felix Hernandez	1
Ian Kinsler	1

2009 NL Cy Young.

Them		Us
Tim Lincecum	100	Tim Lincecum	38
Chris Carpenter	94	Adam Wainwright	38
Adam Wainwright	90	Chris Carpenter	31
Javier Vazquez	3	J.J Putz	4
Dan Haren	1	Cliff Lee	3
		David Wright	3
		Dwight Gooden	3
		Josh Johnson	2
		Jose Reyes	2
		Heath Bell	1
		Jorge De La Rosa	1
		Trevor Hoffman	1
		Brad Lidge	1
		Daniel Murphy	1
		Nolan Ryan	1
		Johan Santana	1
		Javier Vazquez	1

2009 AL Cy Young.

Them		Us
Zack Greinke	134	Zack Greinke	50
Felix Hernandez	80	CC Sabathia	31
Justin Verlander	14	Felix Hernandez	25
CC Sabathia	13	Roy Halladay	12
Roy Halladay	11	Justin Verlander	7
		Jonathan Lester	5
		Carl Pavano	4
		Mariano Rivera	4
		A.J. Burnett	3
		Pedro Martinez	3
		Roger Clemens	2
		John Smoltz	1
		Suzyn Waldman	1

You know nothing.

"Somebody's relaxing him, that's all I can say," Torre replied with a smirk, "because he certainly looked like he enjoyed himself this year."

Maybe it's because his manager isn't a blameshifting scumbag who batted him eighth.

I like the way the game six HR landed right above the Japanese advertisement.

"But if the object is to win every year, and the object IS to win every year, and the question is money, both Damon and Matsui give them their best chance to repeat."

I think Matsui's definitely gone because he can't field and he can't run.

Damon, maybe a one-year contract.

But why would Damon -n- Matsui give the Yankees their best chance to repeat?

I'd say the additions of Albert Pujols and Roy Halladay give the Yankees their best chance to repeat.

Rich Gedman on acid.

Give this man a Pulitzer:

"The catcher, Jorge Posada, sometimes ran the bases as if he were Rich Gedman on acid…"

Fact check.

"Rodriguez, who entered the postseason with a .136 batting average, was hugely responsible for terminating the Yankees' nine-year World Series drought."

Not sure what .136 batting average this is referring to.

Maybe his last 40-or-so playoff at-bats?

In any case, ARod's postseason numbers basically mirror his HOF regular season numbers.

A lot of people should be eating crow, but probably aren't.

Angels in 2010.

Very easy formula to success, as demonstrated by the Phillies and the Yankees.

Just get rid of Bob Abreu.

Titles avoid that guy like he avoids the right-field wall.

Game Six.

This is why Girardi is a genius.

Not only is Everybody's Favorite Pitcher, Chad Gaudin, available out of the bullpen on lots of rest, but even Burnett is available out of the bullpen due to his low workload the other night.

Mission 27 in full effect.

Still implying Girardi's job security is up for debate.

One win away from a title.

Because it's Girardi's fault that he went with A.J. Burnett instead of Chad "Cy Young Jr." Gaudin.

"Because if the Yankees blow this Series, if the Phillies come all the way back, then Yankee fans are going to wonder how the Yankees could spend $206 million on baseball players and not have enough left under the bed to buy a reliable fourth starter."

Chien-Ming Wang's injury was unexpected. He was their reliable fourth starter. Next question.


Upon closer inspection, the Yankees don't have three reliable starters, unless you consider A.J. Burnett reliable.

That's not Girardi's fault, that's Cashman's fault.

Not too hard to figure out how this could happen. Good pitchers are difficult to find. That's why mediocre pitchers, such as A.J. Burnett, can command such high salaries.


In any case, if the Yankees blow games six and seven, it's not Girardi's fault. Other than Girardi's pathetic decision to start Molina, his personnel decisions have been correct. If Burnett and Pettitte can't do their job, it's their fault, not Girardi's fault.

It's really tired and ignorant at this point.

Girardi will be fired if:

• Yankees miss the playoffs.
• Yankees blow the AL East.
• Yankees lose to the Twins.
• Yankees lose to the Angels.
• Yankees lose to the Phillies.

113 wins isn't enough. Girardi has to win the World Series every year or else he will be fired.

Yeah, right.

Maybe Mattingly would have done better.

Whatever you do, panic.

"Title hopes not so bright for Yanks after Game 5"

Yankees are one win away from a title. They're not 30 games out of first place at the All Star Break.


"So the Yankees picked up, packed up and slogged up the Jersey Turnpike, wondering what happened to the Animal House party they were supposed to throw after Game 5 of the World Series."

The Yankees were supposed to win. The Yankees are supposed to win every game.


"It was going to be mother of all blowouts, the one that would've ended a nine-year championship drought. All the Yankees needed to do was cash in on the leftover momentum for Game 4, the one Johnny Damon literally stole from the Phillies, and that 120-mile bus ride to the Bronx would've been the stuff of a reality show."

I don't know a single person who thought the Yankees would beat Cliff Lee in game five. Which is why game four was so important.


"In any other circumstance the Yankees would be the strong favorites to close out the Phillies. In most respects they still are."

Good.

The Yankees are strong favorites to win the World Series.

Phew.

Because I was reading a column by this guy named Bob Klapisch who said their title hopes were dim.