The Yankees are going to make the playoffs and make $10 million per day in ice cream sales alone.

You know what would be fun to talk about while the Yankees storm into first place?

Attendance figures:

"If early-season baseball attendance in New York is a referendum on just how far our teams can push their fan bases, the fans in Flushing and the Bronx have voted, and the results appear to be pretty definitive.

The answer is, not much further."

I know a lot of people who've been to Yankee Stadium and Citifield and everybody has loved the new stadiums and their overall experience.


"So far, the Yankees are averaging 44,636 in their new crib, the Mets 38,806."

Whoa! That's a lot!


"If baseball is so popular in this town and Yankees and Mets games truly are must-see events, as both clubs insisted throughout the offseason, why aren't there 10,000 people milling around outside their ballparks every game night, trying to buy up every last ticket in the house, and the rest going home empty-handed and disappointed?"

Yankes games are not must-see events unless it's the playoffs or it's a regular-season game vs. the Red Sox or the Mets.

I can guarantee that 10,000 people never milled around old Yankee Stadium looking for mid-May tickets vs. Baltimore.

If they did this in 2009, they are fools: They could have just gone to stubhub.


"But in a metropolitan area that certainly has more than 83,442 people - the combined average attendance at both parks - wealthy enough to buy their way into these exclusive clubs dressed as ballparks, there has to be something more to it.

It just might be that the remarkably deep-pocketed, thick-skinned and resilient sports fans of this town finally have reached their limit."

83,000 people per day is a lot of people. Your observation is quite contradictory and ignorant.

By the way, yes, the New York Metropolitan area definitely has more than 83,442 people. Tens of millions of people. So, good job with the demographic analysis.


"Clearly, people are opting out of spending exorbitant amounts to witness baseball games in the flesh, especially when it is much more economical, not to mention fan-friendly, to simply plop down in the recliner in front of the HDTV, crack a beer, pop your own corn and not have to contend with traffic, or shell out $19 for parking and $10 for tolls, and heaven knows how much else at the concession stands.

It's simply no longer worth it, no matter how good the team is or how deeply ingrained in your DNA the ritual of going to the ballpark on a summer night really is."

Except for those 83,000 people per day.

14-8 at home, five walkoff wins. It's Stadium magic.

When Filip Bondy is proven wrong, all he can do is complain about something else.

Now the problem is that the Yankees hit too many homeruns.

Lupica wept.

On the same day where ARod hits a game-tying HR in the ninth, Papelbon blows a save with two outs in the ninth.

Why is Steve Balboni bunting?

"Steve Balboni was born a generation too late."

How so?


"The former slugger looks at today's homer-happy game and can't help but wonder what would have happened if he were playing today."

So, your ridiculous theory is that he was born a generation too early.


In any case, if Balboni was born a generation later, he'd be Craig Wilson. If he was born a generation earlier, he'd have been Curt Blefary.

5-2, 3.59 ERA.

Your kid could be Governor of California.

I'll be $20 this guy takes Viagra and Extenz:

"So, last week, I'm driving my son to a Little Leaguegame in "College Point on the Whitestone Expressway, listening to WFAN, and some caller is marveling that Albert Pujols already has 12 homers in 2009."

Twelve homers is a lot, but it's not that many. Some caller is too easily impressed. He sounds like one of those people who say KFC's grilled chicken is "awesome."


"My kid, who plays on two Little League teams, and is a HUGE Pujols fan, pounds his first baseman's mitt and says, 'Do you think they'll give Pujols a urine test just like Manny and A-Rod, Dad? "

HUGE Pujols fan. HUGE.

So, let me ask you something: Who's raising your kid, anyway? You? Or Albert Pujols?


"Bang. Bang. Bang.

Three silver bullets straight into the already hemorrhaging heart of baseball."

I don't know if baseball's heart is hemorrhaging as much as you think.

In any case, your article is probably about fifteen years late. While you were driving on the Whitestone Expressway, were you listening to Terrence Trent D'Arby?


"Sure, people resented that Maris might break the great Babe Ruth's record, needing 162 games instead of Ruth's 154, to reach 61. Cynical old timers told us that neither Maris nor Mantle could hold Ruth's or DiMaggio's or Ted Williams' sweat socks. Others, diehard Giants fans, insisted that Willie Mays was better than either of them. All of that was probably true. But no kid asked his old man if Mickey or Roger could pass a urine test. No one suspected Maris had topped Ruth with the help of Dr. Frankenstein."

You could take Mantle's urine, put an olive in it, and you'd have a martini.


"This is what the steroidians have done: They have turned baseball from a magnificent sport played by great athletes into a seedy business played by cheating monsters who have been chemically augmented by mad science."

Okay, you win.

Maybe your kid can turn to the NFL ... or the NBA ... or the Olympics ... or NASCAR ... or wrestling.

Well, no.

Maybe your kid can read a book.


"I can understand second chances for players caught using recreational party drugs like cocaine, which could be attributed to too much money too young, or the insidious disease of addiction."

Mister God has decreed that crackheads deserve second chances, but steroids users do not deserve second chances.

Good lesson for the kids.


"Which baseball superstars are kids today supposed to admire? Bonds? Clemens? A-Rod? Ramirez?"

The kids of today should admire none of them. Baseball players are not admirable people.

Kids of today should admire everyone except pro athletes. Kids of today should admire librarians and scientists and bus drivers and first-level help desk personnel.

As for baseball, just root for your team and hope your team scores more runs than the opposing team. When the game is over , turn off the TV and read a book about Isaac Newton. Or, if you want to be a real superhero, turn off the TV and start a baseball blog.

"'How could they even let him play in the majors if he got caught cheating in the minors, Dad?' my bewildered kid asked.

This is clearly a question MLB must ask itself if baseball is to survive."

Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. Baseball will survive and thrive, and you know it.


If you want to get rid of all steroids users without giving them a second chance, you'd lose a lot of talent.

If you want to get rid of all the deplorable people, you'd be left with Mark Teixeira and Derek Jeter playing catch with Koyie Hill and Nick Johnson.

That's it.

Those are the only four good role models in major league baseball.

Home-field advantage.

"Helmets flying, bats flipping and whipped-cream pies. They've been staples of the past three finishes at Yankee Stadium, but how much more late-inning magic can the Yankees squeeze out of their new home in the Bronx?"

I don't know about the whipped-cream pies staple.

But I do know Filip Bondy sounds kinda dumb:

"The Yankees come home Friday night to their new Stadium, after a road trip that ended with another CC Sabathia gem and considerable promise. More than anything, what they need to do now is remember how to win in the South Bronx.

This is not going to be easy, because the Stadium is not the same as the last one, no matter how hard the architects tried to recreate the dimensions and the decibels. It is quieter, except for the intrusive sound system. It is emptier in the most visible seats, priced for a Wall Street aristocracy that no longer exists. At least so far, the prevailing winds have been very kind to line drives, particularly those launched by the opposition.

Like it or not, this is home sweet home. There is no crossing the street back to the old place. The Yankees are already reselling their legacy over there, one fraying, blue chair at a time. The new building will have to do for the next three decades or so, and it better start acting friendlier in a hurry."

It's not even getaway Sunday ...

... because the Yankees play the Twins tomorrow.

Better save Mariano for tomorrow, Joe Torre. I mean, Joe Girardi.

Brett Tomko hasn't worked in a while, so it's good to see him get his work in.

Homeruns in the first inning don't count.

"Alex Rodriguez didn't even join the season until 10 days ago, and didn't win the Yankees a game until he hit that shot in the bottom of the 11th Saturday."

I like how Lupica had written this sentence with the clause "and hasn't won the Yankees a game" and probably had it submitted to the editor. Then, he had to change the sentence by Sunday morning.

Please note that ARod basically "won the Yankees a game" in his first game back. A three-run homerun is very important when your team wins the game 4-0. Even if that three-run homerun occurs in the oh-so-boring first inning. Though, of course, CC Sabathia threw a shutout. So, like every other game, it's a team effort.

Also, please note that Mark Teixeira and Mariano Rivera and Alfredo Aceves were more important to yesterday's win than Alex Rodriguez.

"Yankee fans are supposed to be wistful because George Steinbrenner isn't making threats or headlines anymore. And of course that was part of the show of the man over the 30 years when he became the most famous and unique and often ridiculous owner in the history of American sports.

But Yankee fans shouldn't miss him because they miss the show. They should miss him because he would have banged a few heads over the run-out of the new Stadium."

Lupica, you are a hypocritical liar.

For decades, you criticized Steinbrenner and now you write him a love letter.

"George Steinbrenner didn't always run things right. Believe me, this is no love letter to everything he did or everything he said, not from me. He could be mean and make a mess of things and make noise just to make noise. But he was The Boss of the place, and got better at it as he went along."

Now you sound like a female. If you're a man, you say what you mean and mean what you say.

Talk about setting yourself up for a fall.

"More than any player in franchise history, David Ortiz taught even the most cynical Red Sox fans that refusing to give up sometimes results in the sweetest rewards.

So the inclination is to resist giving up on him. The man deserves that much, at least under normal circumstances."

David Ortiz taught you that?

Did you have parents?

"Why is this happening now? What caused it? And is there any hope of recovering from this?"

Answers, in order: He stopped taking steroids; He stopped taking steroids; He can start taking steroids again.

"I do not believe that David Ortiz's wonderful legacy in Boston was built fraudulently. I do not believe he used performance-enhancing drugs. I believe he was a natural power hitter who was miscast, undervalued and injury prone in Minnesota, where he put up decent power numbers despite Tom Kelly's bizarre intention to turn him into Rich Becker."

It's good to believe in something.

I believe I'll have another beer.

"When he joined the Red Sox in 2003, they were the right team at the right time, though it took Grady Little an entire spring to realize as much. It did not, however, take Ortiz long to become a folk hero, and he thrived here two full seasons before steroid testing was implemented in March 2005. Ortiz has hit 158 regular-season home runs since then. If his strength and success was the result of some PED cocktail, he did a fine job of hiding it the last four seasons."

Yes, he has done a fine job of hiding it so far.

Like just about every other professional athlete.

I have a hankerin' for Bigelow's green tea and I can't explain why.

" 'I've been fortunate to play for a lot of great managers,' says Doug Mientkiewicz, who also played for Torre in New York. 'But with all due respect to those other guys, he's the best I've ever played for.

'He's been through everything. He knows what it takes to win games. He knows how to handle every situation, every kind of personality. He's had veteran-laden teams, and he's had young teams. And he's really good at defusing bombs before they even get lit, if that makes sense. A lot of people are reactionary. He's proactive in situations before they even happen.' "

Torre is so observant and proactive, that he can write a book detailing the inner workings of the psyches of all of his players. Torre can probably predict what Buddy Groom is eating for dinner tonight.

However, Torre is not observant enough to notice when his players are taking human growth hormone or steroids.

Truth is, neither Torre nor McCourt nor Selig want to give back the prestige and revenue that Manny brought to the Dodgers in 2008.

Wasn't it nice to have a big market team in the playoffs?

0-for-7 with 11 LOB?

See, Teixeira is stinking it up, but at least Teixeira has a lot of walks and a lot of homeruns. More importantly, who else on the Yankees is going to bat third? So, you trust Teixeira's track record and hope today is the day he busts out.

But with Ortiz, it's even crazier. Ortiz batting .208 with 0 homeruns all of his teammates are better hitters.

Maybe Ortiz will finally be dropped in the lineup when Youkilis returns.

I know Francona has loyalty towards the guy, but this is getting downright weird.

The '86 Mets woulda won this game.

Can you imagine what a dopey analysis that would be? Just the stupidity and pointlessness of obsessing about a long-ago version of your team?

This pretty much happens every day with the Yankees.

In case you thought last night's win over the Blue Jays erased all the Yankee woes, Joel Sherman verifies that it did not.

Still, winning is typically better than losing:

"Nothing has worked out as the Yankees imagined. They thought they were constructing a wonder of the world and, instead, have seemingly forfeited one of the great home-field advantages in sports."

The Yankees had one of the great home-field advantages in sports?

The Cavaliers just went 39-2 at home and that was only because they benched Lebron in the last game of the season.

Even with the rigging of a lefty power hitters, you really think it was the loud fans that helped the Yankees win? Not the players so much?


"The fans closest to the field are either quiet, absent or inside private clubs stuffing their faces with the free food that comes with their take-out-a-mortgage tickets."

Maybe so, but I don't know if that explains Damaso Marte's inability to get out right-handed batters.


"Those farthest away from the field are angry at both being herded into second-class status and the content of their team."

I don't think this is really true.

But even if it was true, it still doesn't affect the performance of the players on the field.


"But what is disturbing about this group is not how physically fragile they are, but how mentally weak they appear. Roy Halladay is special, but the greatest pitcher I have seen was Pedro Martinez in his prime. The dynastic Yankees nevertheless found a way to win when he started, in part, because of a grinding credo that turned each at-bat into war and regularly shortened Martinez's outings."

Paul O'Neill woulda hit three homeruns against Halladay on Tuesday night.

That's basically what Yankee analysis over the past eight years boils down to: "Paul O'Neill woulda."

Talented-yet-immature.

The only people who don't like Joba Chamberlain are sportswriters.

I can't tell you how nice it is to watch a player who gives a damn:

"Aubrey Huff is my new hero after mocking talented-yet-immature Yankee Joba Chamberlain with a couple fist pumps to celebrate a homer Sunday. Someone needs to tell Joba to tone it down. I'm not sure this will work. But hey, it's a start."

Aubrey Huff probably is your new hero, you loser. Maybe Huff give you an autograph if you ask real nice. But you'll have to call him "Mr. Huff" and promise to stay in school and get good grades.


I'll take 25 talented-yet-immature players like Joba on my team.

I'd say the only two players on this team who act like they are emotionally invested in the outcome of the game are Joba Chamberlain and Francisco Cervelli.

When Cervelli beat out an infield hit the othe day, I almost fainted. Every other player on the team would have been slowing down so they could get a head start to the dugout.

Why can't David Ortiz hit homeruns?

You know, with Selena Roberts in mind, it's fair to demand high journalistic standards.

But this is really just an opinion column.

I think you can safely mention the possibility of steroid use:

"Of the other 50-homer hitters, no one else has begun a season as dismally as Ortiz. Not one-season wonders such as Brady Anderson or Luis Gonzalez. Not Hall of Famers such as Willie Mays, even when he was 42 and at the end of his career with the Mets, or Mickey Mantle, in his last year on shredded knees with the Yankees. Not Roger Maris, even after his slugging feats in New York were a distant memory in St. Louis, nor Sammy Sosa, hanging on at the end in Texas."

Why can't David Ortiz hit homeruns?

Well, you mentioned Brady Anderson ... you mentioned Luis Gonzalez ... you even mentioned Sammy Sosa.

You're getting warmer.

Loves Jonathan Papelbon.

Lupica likes every Red Sox player and dislikes every Yankee player (other than that CFer who lost the starting job to Melky):

"At this point in his career the kid is famous for being a Yankee, for getting swarmed by bugs one night in Cleveland, for a drunk-driving arrest, for having a colorful name and a complicated background. He is not yet famous for winning baseball games."

I think he's most famous for his success as a reliever.

Not a huge sample size, but a ridiculous ERA.


"For now Chamberlain has won a total of eight games in the big leagues."

Only four losses. A sweet .667 winning percentage and a career ERA under 3.00.

You don't get too many wins as a relief pitcher, though, so the win-loss record is kind of unimportant. Mariano Rivera has less career wins than Andy Hawkins. Only a very stupid person would judge a relief pitcher on their number of wins.


"Jonathan Papelbon threw back his head on Sunday night, pumped his fist four times at Fenway Park, strike up the band. But Papelbon had just struck out Carlos Pena and B.J. Upton and Carl Crawford with runners on second and third in a one-run game, struck them out on high fastballs in the high 90s to win the game. You are allowed to kick up your heels when you do that, especially if the game is over."

Papelbon is allowed to do anything he wants. Papelbon was so awesome when he threw his head back on Sunday night. Papelbon pumped his fist four times on Sunday night, and, believe me, Lupica was pumping fists right along with him.

Papelbon is, like, totally OMG.


"He may eventually turn out to be the first star starter they have produced out of their farm system since Andy Pettitte, the first strikeout starter they have produced since Ron Guidry."

So Chien-Ming Wang is not a star pitcher, huh?

Wang is 54-23 for his career.

In the 2.5 seasons before he got injured, Wang won 46 games.

That's a right-handed Andy Pettitte.

"So the Yankees desperately need to have Chamberlain come through for them, show the world that they do have a farm system, that they can develop the kind of arms the Red Sox have with Jon Lester and Papelbon and even Clay Buchholz, who has a no-hitter in the books and can't get out of the minors right now."

You tramp.

Wang is unmentioned , Joba is overrated, but Clay Buchholz (5-10, 5.56) is an emerging superstar.


You know what? The Red Sox are better than the Yankees. It's not an issue.

The Red Sox won the World Series in 2004 and 2007. The Red Sox had a better record than the Yankees in 2007, 2008, and so far in 2009.

This is not rocket science. It's just looking at the standings. You don't have to rig the argument with stupidity and ignorance. When you hype up Buchholz and ignore Wang's success, you merely ruin your own credibility.

One writer who sort of thinks like a fan.

William Rhoden says something obvious, but something that isn't said often enough:

"What kind of husband he was, what kind of father he is, whether he sends his mother great gifts on Mother’s Day — all those questions faded to black on a warm Friday evening when he homered off the first pitch of his first at-bat. The storybook home run lifted a slumping team to a desperately needed victory.

In baseball terms, that’s real.

For one night in Baltimore, his high-priced team reeling, in desperate need of a lift, A-Rod made his season debut in Hollywood fashion. The entire dugout lit up. Yankees fans were ignited. C. C. Sabathia was inspired and pitched a shutout. This was a breakout game for him as well. Even Orioles fans, peeved once again by the presence of waves of New Yorkers in their midst, marveled — grudgingly — at Rodriguez’s perfectly timed home run."


Meanwhile, Joel Sherman ponders what would have happened if ARod had signed with the Mets.

Why is Joel Sherman asking this question in May 2009? I have no idea whatsoever. It's as if he has nothing baseball-related to write about since two professional baseball teams in New York are currently playing baseball.

Instead of concluding that the Mets may have won a World Series or two, Sherman states that Alex Rodriguez's "insincerity, insecurity and ego have been a counterweight to his talent, sucking the life out of an entire organization?"

So, there you go.

The life has been sucked out of the Yankee organization, and it is Alex Rodriguez who did it.

Which probably explains why the team has played so well without him this season.

Head's up.

Just a random rant.


Cano didn't exactly lay out for the first two grounders in the second inning.

Teixeira, Swisher, and Hughes also played poorly in the field during that inning, somewhat mitigating Hughes's lousy pitching performance.

However, my biggest gripe is Hughes lackadaisically backing up the catcher, unaware of the play behind him.

A lot like Robinson Cano's patented head's-in-the-cloud post-grounder jog into the outfield. As if it's too much effort to stop, turn around, and cover the base.


Point being: What is with the Yankees' minor league coaching? (Major league coaching, too, I suppose. Swisher should be fined about $10,000 in Kangaroo Court for mindlessly allowing himself to get picked off third base.)

Besides Andy Pettitte's amazing ability to pick off the baserunners, EVERY SINGLE YANKEE PLAYER who joins the major league team DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO PLAY FUNDAMENTALLY SOUND BASEBALL.

I can't think of any Yankee pitcher who knows how to hold a runner on base.

If a ground ball is hit to Joba Chamberlain with a runner on first base, I absolutely don't expect a double play. I expect the throw to second base to sail into the outfield.

Forget about bunting, even for a player like Melky Cabrera, who isn't exactly Reggie Jackson. Maybe a fourth outfielder / utility player could increase his value to the team by learning how to bunt.

Maybe Girardi should march up and down the bench and fine any player who doesn't know how many outs there are.


What are the Yankees doing in the minor leagues? What's the deal? Do these players think they can get by on talent alone?

I got 1360 on my SATs.

"The argument made in the defense of the users being elected into the Hall of Fame centers on the supposition that most players from the last 15 to 20 years were on something, so if these were the best players of the era, then they should be considered the best candidates for Cooperstown."

I don't think that's the argument at all.  The argument is to assess the effect that performance-enhancers had on this particular player's career.

Sosa probably would have been Chad Curtis is he hadn't taken steroids.  Bonds, Clemens, and ARod probably would have been among the greatest players of their generation if they hadn't taken steroids.

I know this assessment requires actual thinking by sportswriters, but your general inability to do so has resulted in the shrunken credibility of the HOF.

"Let's say your son or daughter is caught cheating while taking his or her SATs. But let's say 80 percent of the class also gets caught cheating. If almost everyone in the class was cheating, it's OK for your child to have done the same, right?

And, let's say he/she scored in the top 5 percent of the class on those tainted tests. Well, Stanford, Harvard and other elite schools should simply overlook the fact that these kids cheated, because almost everyone else did the same."

The analogy is a bit weak, but I think the answer is, "it depends."

SAT scores are not the only factor used to determine college admittance.  

If a student was under understandably intense pressure to score well on the SATs -- if this student had a consistent 4.0 GPA in high school -- if this student was yearbook editor, class President, and captain of the debate team -- if this student's parents had enough money to avoid the need for a scholarship -- if this student was a legacy -- if this student apologized profusely and re-took the SATs and scored well -- then maybe Stanford wouldn't want to lose this student to MIT.  

Maybe Stanford wants the recognition when this student goes on to win a Nobel Prize.

"So, a reward is in line for these kids. It's not such an easy argument anymore, is it?"

"It's not such an easy argument anymore, is it?"

 What a prick.  Pedro Gomez is talking down to you. 

We all thought the steroids/HOF discussion was easy and straightforward, but now my world view has changed because of Pedro Gomez's infantile SAT analogy.

"The Hall of Fame is not something to be viewed lightly. Not everyone gets in because it is the ultimate honor and the ultimate reward for major league players. Plus, right there among the list of rules on the cover sheet of the ballot is the following sentence: 'Voting shall be based upon the player's record, playing ability, integrity, sportsmanship, character, and contributions to the team(s) on which the player played.' "

Integrity.

Sportsmanship.

Character."

Too late.  

Gaylord Perry is already in the Hall of Fame.

Therefore, it's already the Hall of Shame.

Not especially.

"It is ludicrous to suggest that yesterday's sad revelation has any bearing whatsoever on the Red Sox' world championships in 2004 and 2007. Those titles are not tainted, no matter what the hypocritical Yankees fan in the next cubicle over tries to claim. To even suggest as much is to admit that you not only have a personal agenda in this (a deep dislike or jealousy of the Red Sox, for starters) or a complete lack of perspective regarding what will be recorded as baseball's Steroid Era."

if one is tainted, then they're all tainted.


"The Red Sox' championships are tainted? Really? Then I guess that applies to -- let's see -- pretty much every other World Series winner of the Steroid Era."

Yes, of course.

But, let me guess: You're going to fixate on Clemens, Pettitte, and even Jason Grimsley while conveniently ignoring Manny, Ortiz, Trot Nixon, Jason Varitek, and Pedro Martinez.


"For the sport of it, let's quickly zip through the list, starting in 1995 after the players' strike through the Red Sox' victory in 2004, and see how many of those 10 teams have had a player implicated for performance-enhancing drug use at some point:"

All of them, including the Red Sox.

"So there you go. If the Sox' titles are tainted, then so is every single World Series in a 10-year stretch up until their victory. Especially the Yankees' last two championships."

Not especially the Yankees.  That's an ignorant stance.  It demonstrates that you have a personal agenda in this or a complete lack of perspective regarding what will be recorded as baseball's Steroid Era.

No double standard here.

First comment I heard regarding Manny was Peter Gammons incomprehensibly defending the man and also saying that Bud Selig really cares deeply about the integrity of the game.

I know the 2004 Dirt Dog Sawx are very, very important to a lot of people.

I just think you have to accept the fact that some of the players on that team were taking steroids. The teams they beat also had players who were taking steroids.

I suppose that ruins the good feelings for some fans, but I'm not sure that it should. I personally don't look to baseball players for moral guidance.

To be honest, Manny's suspension doesn't faze me too much. Do your fifty games, come back and hit homeruns for your team. Rob Neyer pointed out that the Dodgers should easily win their weak division, anyway, and Manny will come back rested and ready for the playoffs.

But all the Sox fans who celebrated the Mitchell Report because it focused on NY teams should have known better:

"The idea that there could ever be a moral line that Ramirez would not cross is funnier than 'The Family Guy.' Here is a man who each spring refused to walk 50 feet to say hello to the young patients from the Jimmy Fund Clinic, who declined to meet with the wounded troops at Walter Reed and who stiffed the kids at his old high school in New York City. He hit a young clubhouse attendant in Cleveland and a 64-year-old traveling secretary in Boston. He slapped one Red Sox teammate last season and quit on all the rest, and perhaps now we can better understand his belligerent behavior in his final days in Boston. I believe the technical term is ’roid rage.

...

So are we to believe Ramirez just discovered the joys of performance enhancing drugs when he reached LA? Not unless we’re as gullible as McCourt. The fact is there is no reason to believe Ramirez was clean for 7 years in Boston, and every reason to think he just figured out a way to beat the system.

Good timing. Good masking agents. A helpful heads-up from slimy union boss Gene Orza. Somehow Ramirez stayed a step ahead of the posse in Boston, which means the Sox escape without a scratch. It brings to mind a scene from the movie 'The Sting' when the mark can’t figure out how he keeps losing to Paul Newman. He asks Robert Redford how his partner keeps winning. 'That’s easy,' said Redford. 'He cheats.'

He just didn’t get caught, and until now, neither did Manny. Ramirez boasted in his statement yesterday that he passed 15 drug tests, which, of course, means nothing. Clemens and Bonds and A-Rod all passed many tests, too. It doesn’t make them innocent. It just means they were smart enough not to shoot up before peeing in a cup. Manny wasn’t so smart, and now everyone is asking if we were surprised that Ramirez got caught.

You bet we were surprised.

Surprised it took so long."

Embarrassing.

When I said ARod would hit a HR before Ortiz, I was only joking.

Things you learn on sports radio.

I just learned that Cano is slumping because Melky is the starting CFer. Think about it. When Melky was benched, Cano was playing well.

If this caller is allowed to vote in the United States of America, then I'll be perfectly willing to revert back to a monarchy. Democracy is clearly a failed experiment. The Founding Fathers didn't realize human beings could be this stupid. It was the loophole they couldn't have imagined.

I wish the Yankees had played well without ARod, but they didn't.

I take no happiness in the fact that the Yankees played poorly without their best player. I wish Ransom had batted .300.

Most particularly, I never want to hear again how much better the team will perform without ARod. I don't understand the theory in the first place. But you could take a pitcher out of the bullpen and blindfold him and he'd probably bat better with RISP than Mark Teixeira.

You know, even if you hate your teammate, you still need to see the ball and hit the ball. Don't worry too much about the postgame interview:

"Just look at all that's gone wrong in the five weeks of the regular season that he's missed:

Xavier Nady and Jorge Posada have gone down with injuries. Mark Teixeira is probably putting far too much pressure on himself with A-Rod out. Brett Gardner as the starting centerfielder lasted, oh, a few weeks.

Should we keep going? OK, Rodriguez's replacements at third base have been a disaster. No one can come through with a big hit. Doesn't it seem that when the Yankees need a big hit, it's constantly Jose Molina or Ramiro Pena up? And, the bullpen is pathetically bad. Maybe A-Rod can pitch, too."

Obviously, ARod can't pitch and ARod will sometimes fo 0-for-5, too.

ARod won't solve all these problems by himself.

My biggest gripe is that this team seemed willing to tread water while they waited for ARod to return. That is largely Girardi's fault.

If Ramiro Pena gets an actual run batted in, it's pretty much a miracle.

"It seems hard to remember now after all that has happened with A-Rod, but it was only 19 months ago that he chose to become a free agent and upstaged Game 4 of the 2007 World Series."

That's an odd thing to say. It's not hard to remember at all.

It's hard to remember if Todd Greene was the backup catcher before or after Chris Widger.

It's hard to remember what I ate for breakfast on August 20th, 2005.

It's very easy to remember when ARod signed his ten-year contract with the Yankees.


"Remember those 18 days, though, those plans to move on that the Yankees made? What were those plans? And would the team be better off now on the field if A-Rod had been allowed to sign with the Dodgers or Cubs or Angels or whomever? What would the Yankees look like today?"

Well, since it's so hard to remember, I believe you answered your own question.


"Best guess: Scott Rolen at third base, someone other than Jorge Posada behind the plate, and a younger, less expensive lineup and pitching staff."

Well, Scott Rolen would have been a disaster, so I'm glad we quickly cleared that up.

No idea why Scott Rolen's presence would have compelled the Yankees to reject Posada.

Also, no idea why Scott Rolen's presence would have compelled the Yankees to spend less money on a lineup and pitching staff.


"Perhaps the Yankees would have been more willing to make the Johan Santana trade and pay him like a free agent if they hadn't just dropped $330 million or so on A-Rod and Posada. And that could have led to less need to splurge on CC Sabathia and A.J. Burnett this offseason."

Kind of a weird way to look at things.

Santana was the property of the Twins. The Mets got Santana relatively cheaply, in a trade, because the Twins were not going to trade Santana to an AL rival.

So, now, after the Santana trade is completed, the Yankees don't have ARod, Posada, Sabathia, Burnett, Hughes, Cano, or Cabrera.


"The free-agent pool was shallow after Lowell, with Pedro Feliz the top third-base name. He went from San Francisco to Philadelphia. After that were second-tier options such as Mike Lamb and Morgan Ensberg, whom the Yankees did sign and then released when they realized he couldn't hit."

So ... you're pretty much proving that the Yankees are far better with ARod.


"Why would no A-Rod mean no Posada? Well, the A-Rod Decision (the one to re-sign him) begot the Posada Decision (to re-sign a 36-year-old catcher for four years) which begot the Mariano Rivera Decision (to re-sign a 38-year-old closer for three years)."

Not a particularly convincing cause-and-effect scenario.



"Rivera? He's still top-notch even if his velocity has been inconsistent after shoulder surgery."

Mariano Rivera? He's still a top-notch reliever? Thanks for the update.


"Is it all A-Rod's fault? Of course not. He still has the ability to do wondrous things on a baseball field.

But for 18 days 19 months ago, the Yankees had a chance to move on without him. Think they wish they could have a do-over?"

Well, they're 13-14 without him and currently engaged in a tie game in the ninth inning.

Their #3 hitter is 0-for-5 and their third baseman couldn't hit one over the wall if he was standing on second base.

What do you think?

Wheeee!

Unbridled by endless Alex Rodriguez drama, it's totally awesome to see the plucky youngsters try hard with the game on the line:

"Bottom 6th: NY Yankees

- R. Cano grounded out to first

- N. Swisher walked

- M. Cabrera ground rule double to deep left, N. Swisher to third

- R. Pena struck out swinging"

What, no boxing analogy?

"Mike Bloomberg is the Yankees, except he wins a lot more than they do lately."

Oh, snap!


"The mayor of New York has money and he's going to spend it and if his opponents don't like it, that's their problem, let them go make their own."

Well, the Yankees participate in revenue-sharing and also pay a payroll tax.

The Yankees also sell out stadiums on the road. So, in that way, the Yankees help their opponents make money.

Also, I don't quite see the connection between a private citizen spending money on a political campaign and a professional baseball franchise spending money on players' payroll.

I will say, however, that Obama's first 100 days are analyzed like a pitcher and, ummm, Bloomberg has shown an ability to take one on the chin.

There.

A baseball analogy and a boxing analogy.

That makes it easier for the doting public to understand my advanced political theories.

CEOs and Drug Dealers. Get it?

Is Wallace Matthews just a profoundly unhappy person? Or is this just a Harvey Pekar-esque shtick?:

"But a month into their first seasons in the Bronx, it is obvious that the Yankees have bought themselves nothing but unrealistic expectations and that Sabathia and Teixeira have signed on for nothing but the rockiest honeymoon in recent Yankees history."

Sabathia and Teixeira are being treated with kid gloves. This is because ARod is their umbrella.

As for the notion that this is a "rocky honeymoon" ... Wallace Matthews must have forgotten Hideki Irabu, Jose Contreras, Carl Pavano, Javier Vasquez, Jeff Weaver, Tony Womack, LaTroy Hawkins, Roger Clemens, Jaret Wright, Kei Igawa, Kyle Farnsworth ... the list goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on.


Tino was booed for replacing Mattingly and Giambi was booed for replacing Tino.

Girardi was booed for replacing Stanley and Posada was booed for replacing Girardi.

Yankee fans cheered sarcastically when Jaret Wright threw out his shoulder during a game. Classy.


Don't know why Wallace Matthews would forget all of these players who experienced "rocky honeymoons."

They're really not too difficult to remember, especially if you are a sportswriter who supposedly covers the New York baseball teams.


"At these prices, what else could you expect?"

They expected to be booed when they performed poorly.

They're probably surprised by the muted reaction since they heard so much about, you know, the passionate Yankee fans. The fans in Baltimore were tougher on Teixeira.

As for the notorious New York press, they are writing about ARod's bowel movements and mostly ignoring baseball altogether until ARod returns.


"Between investing nearly a half-billion dollars on three ballplayers - throw in A.J. Burnett and his five-year, $82.5-million deal - and jacking up ticket prices to the level that only drug dealers and CEOs can afford them, the Yankees have guaranteed themselves that their new ballpark will feature a decidedly hostile atmosphere on days when they underperform."

Wow. That is truly an incomprehensible, contradictory paragraph and completely ignorant of Yankee history.

Also, not funny. "CEOs and drug dealers." Like, Matthews should be ashamed that he wrote something so ignorant and unfunny.


"When you spend, and charge, the kind of money the Yankees spent and are charging this year, what level of performance must they reach to consider having gotten, and given, their money's worth?"

Well, I expect .300/35/120 for Sabathia and 18-10, 3.75 for Sabathia.

That wasn't so hard, was it? You're not mentally capable of answering your own question?


I think most Yankee fans want a Championship and are dissatisfied unless. Teixeira and Sabathia should help, and most fans understand that good players often underperform for brief periods of time.

Also, most fans understand that a high salary doesn't magically imbue baseball players with superhuman abilities. Nobody expects Sabathia to win 30 games or Teixeira to bat .400.

One playoff HR and Teixeira will be cheered wildly by the 55,000 CEOs and drug dealers at Yankee Stadium.


"One of those wins came from Phil Hughes, who wasn't even expected to be part of the team, and the other was a scramble after Andy Pettitte, expected to be a very important part, came unglued Friday night."

I can't believe this. Wallace Matthews simply has no idea what's going on in baseball in New York.

Phil Hughes wasn't even expected to be a part of the team?

Do yourself a favor and quit your job. There has to be something else you're better at. Truthfully, I think you're the only person who didn't expect Phil Hughes to be a part of the 2009 Yankees.

New York's premier baseball journalist acknowledges the existence of the Mets.

"The Mets go into their first series with the Phillies closer to the Washington Nationals, who have a worse record than anybody, than they are to first place in the NL East. Or to resembling any kind of elite team."

"Or to resembling any kind of elite team"?

That's a standalone sentence? Is there even a subject to that sentence?

For future reference, the punctuation mark you'd want to go with there is the comma.

Actually, the more I look at it, the more I realize a comma wouldn't help. It's just a terrible, redundant, useless sentence.


"Look at it another way: The Yankees at least have Mr. Fun, Alex Rodriguez, coming over the hill soon."

Look at it another way: You can't write five sentences without bringing up ARod, the best baseball player you've ever seen.


"Last Saturday the Red Sox - who spend the same amount of money on baseball players that the Mets do, the two of them would be at the top of the charts without the Steinbrenner boys spending like drunk sailors on leave - were down 6-0 to the Yankees at Fenway and came back and won. On Wednesday night the Red Sox were down 5-0 against the Indians at Progressive Field and came back and won."

Yesterday, the Red Sox got one hit and lost 13-0 to a team whose total payroll is less than Brian Rose's signing bonus.

Beckett stunk again, but I know you've still got an erection from a World Series game he pitched in 2003.

"The shortstop, Jose Reyes, sometimes seems to be on automatic pilot. Or cruise control. It seems like a long time ago that we were calling him one of the best players in the game."

"We" were calling him one of the best players in the game?

Is that the same "we" who compared Brett Gardner to Dustin Pedroia?