At last ...

... Ken Doll is out of the rotation.

Phil Hughes's Home / Away Splits.

2011: Home ERA 8.89 / Away ERA 4.00.

Career: Home ERA 5.07 / Away ERA 3.84.

Critics and cheeseburgers fuel Ortiz's production.

The adjective "historic" takes on new lows:

"Only three other players in their age-34-or-older season, standing at least 6-foot-3 and weighing at least 220 pounds, did what Ortiz did last season: hit at least .270, get on base 37-plus percent of the time and slug better than .529. If Ortiz can keep up his numbers this season – a .300 batting average, a .388 on-base percentage and a .557 slugging percentage ..."

True Grit.

I know the Mets are in 60-67 and in danger of slipping into last place, but this doesn't fully explain the victorious Mets season.

It's math, folks.

The Mets started the season 5-13 (.278), which is bad.

The Mets have only won 5 of their last 21 games (5-16, .238), which is also bad.

It's a combined 10-29, which is a .256 winning percentage for approximately 1/4 of the season.

But this ignores the games in between. The gritty games which will win the MVP for Jose Reyes and the Manager of the Year for Terry Collins.

The Mets were an unbelievable 50-38 in the rest of the games. Probably the best 88-game stretch in baseball history.

So if you just ignore the beginning of the season and the end of the season, the Mets are Amazin'.

Girardi takes it out on sportswriters.

1) I also thought the "Joe Mauer third strike" excuse was absurd.

2) I don't know why Girardi is afraid to lash out at an unpopular player:

"This was no subtle, side-of-the mouth slur. Two steps toward the dugout, Burnett turned toward Girardi as he appeared to say, 'That was [expletive] [expletive].' You better believe the manager heard it, as did the Yankee infielders who’d gathered on the mound.

Girardi kept his back turned, pretending to be unaware of the insult. When he got to the dugout, however, Girardi followed Burnett into the runway and moments later the right-hander was back on the bench.

It looked like a seminal moment for Girardi, except that he backed away from it. Instead, the manager lashed out at YES Network’s Jack Curry, responding with sarcasm after being asked about the exchange.

'This is silly. This is really, really silly,' he said. 'You know what? We had a fistfight, is what we had. Nothing happened between me and A.J.'

The manager and Burnett stuck to an absurd story they’d cooked up, claiming the blow-up was rooted in a close pitch to Joe Mauer that wasn’t called a strike. No one bought it, not even the YES announcers. Ken Singleton, following what he called the 'old-school' code of conduct, stated the obvious: Burnett showed up his manager in front of millions of viewers.

Too bad Girardi didn’t have the guts to stand up to Burnett in public. He found it easier trying to bully Curry, who stood his ground. The angrier Girardi became, the more it looked like he’d been caught in a lie."

On the other hand, maybe Girardi and Burnett are telling the truth.

Half of his 2011 productivity came on one A.J. Burnett pitch.

I'll explain in five words why the Yankees don't regret Alex Rodriguez's contract.

Nobody buys Curtis Granderson jerseys.

"Once back, Rodriguez will reclaim third base, remember how to catch a pop-up and try to avoid finishing a season with fewer than 20 home runs (he currently has 13) for the first time since he became an everyday major leaguer."

He'll have 20 HRs by the end of the month.


He'll also probably DH a lot with Chavez playing third.


Of course ARod is not worth $27.5 million per year, or whatever. Just about every veteran baseball player is overpaid.

But there is really no reason for the Yankees to regret signing him to a long-term, expensive contract. It's not as though 1996 ARod was available as an alternative.

Everyone for NL MVP.

"On Aug. 14, Atlanta Braves second baseman Dan Uggla saw his hitting streak snapped at 33 games. His dominance during the streak left him with a batting average 58 points higher than it began. At the conclusion of the streak, he was also left tied for third place in the National League home run race.

With all his success for the past month and despite having a .231 average, he could still claim the NL MVP."

Seek help, you homer.

"Before I get told to seek help or to stop being a homer, hear me out."

This had better be good.


"This has been the year of the pitcher. Pitchers like Justin Verlander, CC Sabathia, Jered Weaver and Roy Halladay have been dominating hitters on a regular basis this season. "

Three of them are in the American League.


"It's been a year that even the greatest player in the sport—Albert Pujols—has struggled more than ever before in his career (he too has come out of his slump). Outside of Prince Fielder and Matt Kemp, no other player has been more dominant than Uggla."

Well, then at least vote for the players who have been more dominant.

"With six weeks left before the end of the regular season, there is still time for Uggla to raise his average up to an acceptable .250. A higher average, coupled with high home run and RBI totals and quality defense, and Uggla could be a serious contender for the award."

Oh.

Lots of things could happen.

MVP discussion with no mention of Prince Fielder.

"A month ago Toronto's Jose Bautista was on a fast track to win the American League MVP Award. Now, runner-up is the best he can hope for. And that might be a stretch."

A month ago, Adrian Gonzalez was on a fast track to win the American League MVP Award.


"Take nothing away from Bautista, but the Red Sox are leading the toughest division in the Major Leagues and first baseman Adrian Gonzalez is a huge reason why."

Take nothing away from Bautista ... except the American League MVP Award.

"Zeroing on the AL MVP is much easier than in the NL.

There's always a debate among Baseball Writers Association of America voters as to whether the MVP should be from a winning team -- a team that makes the postseason. Many voters feel strongly that a player on a losing team, no matter how great his season, should not be MVP."

I agree this is dumb, in and of itself.

"Really, though, Braun isn't having a season equal to Reyes and the Dodgers' Matt Kemp, both playing on teams no longer in playoff contention.

Throw the 'winning team' belief out the window and give the MVP to Reyes."

That's known as a red herring: "You shouldn't exclude Reyes because he plays for a losing team." I agree that Reyes shouldn't necessarily be punished because the Mets are bad. I just happen to think that other players in the NL are having better seasons.


Fielder has not missed a game. I happen to put a lot of emphasis on games played. Fielder is .305/.417/.567, 27 HRs, 75 runs, 89 RBIs ... err, 0 stolen bases.

Reyes is .336/.377/.507 , 5 HRs, 80 runs, 37 RBIs ... 34 stolen bases.

(I abstain from similar comparisons to Kemp, Braun, Pujols, etc.).

Reyes gets credit for playing shortstop, huge debits for missing 20+ games. During those 20+ games, Reyes had essentially zero value to the Mets.

My elbow hurts just thinking about it.

"[Scott Proctor] was one of former manager Joe Torre's most trusted relievers back in 2006, when he threw 102 1/3 innings and compiled a 3.52 ERA in 83 games.

Torre also turned to Proctor plenty in 2007 before he was traded. In 54 1/3 innings (54 games), Proctor was 2-5 with a 3.81 ERA."

I'm not being hysterical. I'm not being hysterical. I'm not being hysterical. I'm pointing out the facts.

Imagine if Mariano had actually blown the save:

"It would be ridiculous to suggest the Yankees need to start shopping for a closer, or even to think that Rivera is about to turn into the relieving equivalent of Willie Mays at the end of his career. But it's not hysteria to point out the facts. Between 1997 and 2009, Rivera gave up runs in three straight outings exactly four times. He has now done it three times in the last 15 months."

Rivera is about to save 19 games in a row with an ERA of 0.00.


More to the point, what is the actionable item? There isn't one.

If Sabathia can't win in the playoffs and if Rivera can't save a game in the playoffs, then, yeah, the Yankees are probably sunk.

What are the Yankees supposed to do about it in August?

Should the Yankees fake injuries for Sabathia and Rivera so they can move Hughes into the starting rotation, make Robertson the closer, and put Brackman on the big league roster?

Problem solved.

Nobody cares. Write about the Mets.

"The Yankees scored nine runs and made it a nice, easy night for Ivan Nova, who is about twice the starting pitcher A.J. Burnett is right now."

A little late to the Nova party, but, whatever. He's just 11-4, 3.85 ERA. Starting pitcher for the Yankees. Who play in New York.

Lupica is the Last Person on Earth who thought Burnett was the Yankees' #2 starter.


"The game was also noteworthy for another reason: The Yankees got back over .500 against teams with winning records in the American League this season."

Wow.

If you add in today's win, the Yankees are two games over .500 against winning teams in the AL.

Which means the Yankees are 10 games over .500 against non-Boston winning teams in the AL.

I'm suddenly optimistic. I really didn't think the Yankees were playing that well against good teams.


"Of course these numbers from the regular season of 2011 are more than somewhat skewed because our kids are 2-10 against the Red Sox this season. Now in our company town, this really isn't supposed to matter because of two things, as far as I can tell reading and listening:

Twenty-three years ago – 23 – the Mets beat up on the Dodgers during the regular season and only lost to them once and still got beat by the Dodgers, seven games, in the National League Championship Series that year. I mention that stat a lot myself, even though I never assume because the Dodgers got hit by lightning one time that you can practically expect something like that to happen in the playoffs because it happened in '88."

You.

Are.

Lying.

Naturally, some people bring up the '88 Dodgers as the prime example of the relative meaningless of regular season records.

It's the prime example, but hardly the only example.

"Something like that" happens in the playoffs every year.


"Here's the deal: You either think these Red Sox-Yankees games matter in the regular season, or you don't. If not, lose the hype and buildup forever. If we're going to talk about The Rivalry and the history and how it's the best thing going in baseball and maybe all pro sports, then just because the story doesn't come out the way it's supposed to – that means from New York's way of thinking – means that these games are such trifles that they practically shouldn't be counted in the standings. It doesn't work that way."

When I was a youngster, I remember the guy on WPIX hyping up the weekend series with the Mariners. The awful Mariners were describes as "pesky." This was one of my first lessons in PR-speak.

Lupica seems to be complaining that the Yankee PR machine is engaging in PR.

Everyone else is hyper-worried about the Yankees. Worried about Sabathia, Mariano, the Red Sox, ARod's hip, Colon, Garcia, Burnett, etc.


"And by the way? I was never one of the people who thought that the Red Sox were going to run and hide in the AL East because they signed Adrian Gonzalez and during the regular season. The idea that those signings, the Red Sox spending for one winter the way the Yankees usually do, turned the Yankees into $200 million underdogs is as ridiculous now as it was then. I never think the Yankees are big underdogs to anybody starting the season, and that includes the Phillies after the they sign Cliff Lee."

I never thought the Yankees were underdogs, either, by the way.

But I didn't use a newspaper column to say, "I told ya so," because (a) I don't have a newspaper column, and (b) I am post-pubescent.

Mariano Rivera's Career is Over.

We've been through this nonsense before. We've been through this nonsense every year since 1997:

"If Mo goes south, the Yankees have no chance."

No chance to do what? No chance to make the playoffs? Because, while I know that nothing is settled until it's settled, the Yankees have a 6-game lead on the Angels with 48 games to play. I think they could possibly hold off the Angels even if Mariano went on the DL for two months.

"Joe Girardi’s club can live with A.J. Burnett being the Mediocre Man just trying to have fun. They can survive for a time without Alex Rodriguez and they can weather Jorge Posada’s struggles that cost him his DH job.

But if Mariano Rivera falters, the Yankees might as well call it a season. They go as Mo goes."

Oh.

That's a stupid thing to stay.


"The Great Rivera stumbled for the second straight game last night, surrendering a two-run home run to Bobby Abreu in the ninth inning. That blast to right gave the Angels a stunning 6-4 win at Yankee Stadium and handed Rivera (1-2) the loss.

For now, life for the Yankees is 'Oh, Mo!' ”

It was "stunning."

I was "stunned."

I was actually stunned that Girardi didn't walk Abreu after the count got to 3-1. I considered if a failure by Rivera, Marin, Girardi, and the architect who moved the RF fence in 50 feet to accommodate Babe Ruth.

As for Rivera's back-to-back meltdowns, they consisted of exactly one legit hit.

"Abreu’s home run, his second of the night, sent Rivera’s ERA against the Angels into orbit. His 3.60 career ERA against them is his highest against any opponent."

I'll let the stupidity and irrelevance of that observation speak for itself.


"Rivera is Yankee gold. Still, in a season of questions, the biggest question is staring the Yankees in the face: Is the Great Rivera finally showing his age?"

No.

Old School.

“ 'I let [the win] go,' said Burnett, who allowed seven runs and 13 hits in 4 1/3 innings. 'They didn’t beat me, I lost the game. I wished somebody would have grabbed me and shook me. I tried not to lose the game.'

As Burnett was giving up hit after hit, none of the infielders visited him on the hill to pat him on the back or simply give him a breather. The frustration surfaced when he slapped the ball in Joe Girardi’s hand leaving the mound and in the tunnel from the dugout, where he ripped his shirt off."

I have a vision in my head. It's Goose Gossage sitting in the dugout after a tough loss. Or Bob Gibson. Or Don Drysdale. Or Ron Guidry.

Sweat-soaked and angry, Goose sits at his locker staring into a group of reporters. From his pursed lips underneath his handlebar mustache, he explains his disappointing outing with the following words:

"None of the infielders visited him on the hill to pat me on the back or simply give me a breather."

Did you know cortisone is a steroid?

I don't get the unending "Christmas Miracle" joke and I don't understand Lupica's personal gripe with Bartolo Colon, of all people:

"If Christmas Miracle Colon makes it to the end of the season pitching at anything close to a high level, they're going to have to open another branch of that hospital in the Dominican where he got his 'stem cells.' "

First of all, you're accusing Bartolo Colon of lying and cheating. That's the clear insinuation of putting the words "stem cells" in quotation marks. So you're accusing Bartolo Colon of using human growth hormones or steroids.

I can't prove Colon didn't use steroids, but Lupica has the burden of proof.

I know that filthy liars like Lupica project their tendencies upon other people, but this is quite an accusation to make without proof.


Secondly, I thought of Colon when I heard about Lackey's cortisone shot.

Lackey sure is pitching better since his "cortisone shot," don't you think?

It's understandable that Lackey would turn to "cortisone shots," given the pressure of his contract. Lackey probably asked David Ortiz how Ortiz's career suddenly rebounded for a second time (wink, wink). Maybe Lackey uses Ortiz's "supplier" of 100% legal medicinal aids.


"The Mets may be running out of steam, but Jose Reyes sure can't if he wants to get paid, right?"

Yes, it would be terrific if the Mets overpaid for the overrated Jose Reyes.

But the Mets can't be running out of steam. The Mets are the biggest story in New York and you just said one week ago that you'd never give up on the Mets.

To quoth:

"Even if Santana does come back, it is hard to say how the Mets keep the Braves in sight. Or stay over .500. That doesn't make sense. But neither has the Mets season over the last 80 games or so. You count them out now that Beltran is gone. Count me out of the counting-out business with Collins' Mets."

Do you know what men do? Men say what they mean and mean what they say.

Your punishment for lying is mandatory attendance at every Mets game for the rest of the season. You have to ignore the first-place Yankees and write a column about every interminable, September-callup, 10-games-out-of-the-Wild-Card Mets game.


"You can trust me on this one:

You know what the guys running the Yankees must fantasize about a lot:

Getting out from under the rest of Alex Rodriguez's contract somehow.

The modern-day Yankees have signed players to a lot of dumb contracts over the years.

Never one as dumb as A-Rod's."

This weird, ongoing proclamation goes beyond typical anti-ARod/anti-Yankee bias. It's just downright illogical and easily disprovable.

My advice is, don't trust Mike Lupica on anything. The only thing he's consistent at is being Mike Lupica. Which means being a hypocrite ... or maybe an ignoramus.

Lupica proclaims no modern-day Yankee contract is worse than ARod's contract.

Just on the current 2011 Yankees (or Trenton Thunder, as the case may be): Kei Igawa, Mark Teixeira, A.J. Burnett, Derek Jeter, Rafael Soriano, Jorge Posada.

"Modern-day" Yankees could go back to Steve Kemp, but certainly would include, say, Jeff Weaver, Hideki Irabu, Carl Pavano, Javier Vazquez, Jaret Wright, Kevin Brown, Jason Giambi.

What about the Roger Clemens contract of 2007?

ARod's annual .300/30/100 is dumber than paying a 44-year-old pitcher a pro-rated salary of $28 million (?) ... which would have been the highest salary in baseball at the time ... to win 6 games and lose 6 games? To last a whole 2 1/3 innings in the playoffs?

I know the ARod contract is longer and the ARod contract is bigger, so it's appropriate to grade on a curve. But ARod earns his money and always has.

I think the "guys running the Yankees" fantasize about different things. The "guys running the Yankees" are happy to overpay for ARod, Jeter, Posada, Burnett, etc., as long as the Yankees keep winning and the merch keeps moving.

I think the "guys running the Yankees" fantasize about similarly overpaying for Cliff Lee.

4 2/3 innings.

This was the third time in about three weeks that Girardi removed his starter in the fifth inning. Girardi removed Burnett when the Yankees had a 13-7 lead. Now, we know Torre would never do it, hoping to get his starter a W. We also know that Girardi doesn't always do it.

It won't always work out.

Gonzalez might have hit a grand slam.

But keep it up, Joe.

Wild card both good and bad.

The wild card race has pretty much ruined the 2011 AL East race.

Number Two.

Just a thought: As The One Who Shall Not Be Named tries to blow a 12-run lead and continue his month-long winless streak ...

... why is he still consistently referred to as the Yankees' #2 starter?

Granderson closing in on 100 runs.

Sabathia closing in on 20 wins (knock on wood).

The Yankees sure are boring.

No storylines.