Best record in baseball.

You know things are going well when the biggest issue with Mariano's injury replacement is his post-save shirt-untucking.

Because Tim Byrdak has an ERA of 0.00 ...

... and Robinson Cano has never hit a homerun against a lefty.

"Terry Collins hasn’t made many mistakes this season but he made a big one Sunday night, allowing Miguel Batista to face Robinson Cano in the eighth.

Considering that the ball Cano hit off Batista on Friday night may not have come down yet, it was just way too much of a gamble. And in his gut, the Mets’ manager knew it.

He was trying to save his bullets in an already-shaky bullpen that had taken a major blow on Sunday, when closer Frank Francisco was put on the disabled list.

So rather than bring in lefty specialist Tim Byrdak in the eighth inning to pitch to Cano, the one guy Collins wanted Byrdak to face in this series, he asked the 41-year old Batista to pitch a second inning in relief.

Sure enough, Batista left an 83-mph splitter up and Cano hit it about 430 feet to center, providing the Yankees with a 6-5 win."

The guy who doesn't play is always imagined to be superior to the guy who plays.

I say Byrdak would have given up back-to-back HRs.

R.A. Dickey is the most exciting Met since Mike Baxter, Johan Santana, Daniel Murphy, Terry Collins, and Willie Randolph.

Two weeks ago, the Yankees swept the Mets and started a ten-game winning streak which moved them to the top of the entire American League.

A quick perusal of Mike Lupica's columns during this approximate time period shows the following headlines: Mets, Sandusky, basketball, Clemens trial, Romney, bicycle racing, Obama, NFL, NFL, horse racing, Clemens trial, horse racing, Obama, Mets, Mets, Mets, soda pop, Mets.

Clemens hasn't ignored the Yankees entirely during this time period. I recall the following:

1) A criticism of Nick Swisher's dugout celebration while Johan Santana was pitching.

2) An observation that the Yankees play the Mets too often during the regular season.

3) In today's column, a criticism of Alex Rodriguez's 2012 slugging percentage. Or perhaps, instead, a sly praising of Jeter's 2012 slugging percentage? Namely, an observation that Jeter has had a higher slugging percentage most of the year.


While oddly chastising a NY Metro fan base and media for ignoring the Mets -- "oddly" because the entire NY media seems totally obsessed with the Mets -- I wonder what Lupica has been doing while the Yankees have cruised through the NL East and to the top of the AL?

Well, I think I may have my answer.


This endorsement -- presumably not sarcastic? -- from the country's leading media connoisseur:

"Okay, now I have to go back and watch the whole first season of 'Franklin and Bash,' coolest show going on television this summer."

Right.

I'm sure it's a heckuva show.

I'll race to the DVR right now to erase all episodes which were accidentally recorded.


Assuming, once again, he is not being sarcastic. It's hard to imagine a person sincerely choosing "Franklin & Bash" above all other cultural touchstones, but I am proceeding under the assumption that Lupica is being sincere.


Do you think Mike Lupica is a real person? Or do you think he's just a long-running art school creation?

Just consider this for a moment and tell me if I'm crazy:

Step 1: Create a character and call him Mike Lupica. All we really need is a head shot and an actor to portray him on ESPN radio for an hour per day.

Step 2: List all areas of expertise you can imagine. Sports, politics, legal system, grammar, music, movies, television, etc.

Step 3: Relentlessly demonstrate ignorance and stupidity in all of these areas.

Step 4: This is the key: Act like you know what you're talking about. Similar to those bogus can't-miss gambling websites. You're wrong most of the time, but you just don't acknowledge it.


Do you think this can possibly work?

Do you think America will buy legal prognostication from a character who admits to watching "Dancing with the Stars" and actually claims that "Franklin & Bash" is "cool"? In the year 2012, we're going to use the word "cool" to describe a TV show, just to see how far we can take this experiment? Will the American public buy any con game once the foundational facts are established?

Do you think we can create this entity and somehow leverage this notoriety into a successful career as ... I dunno ... ghost-writing children's books?

I'm ready for a rubber-game adventure.

"For a heartbeat, it looked like the ball had a chance, looked like Daniel Murphy might’ve found the perfect moment to end a 345 at-bat homer-free drought."

Daniel Murphy has seriously gone 345 at-bats without hitting a homerun.


"In that split-second, off the bat, the remnants of the largest crowd in Citi Field history, 42,122, both sides of the city’s baseball chasm, Mets fans and Yankees fans both, leapt to their feet."

42,122 baseball fans getting excited about a warning track fly ball from a batter who hasn't hit a homerun in 345 at-bats.

"In the home dugout, Terry Collins knew better.

'Nah,' the Mets’ manager said. 'You can tell by the sound the ball makes off the bat.' "

"Terry, did you think that was a HR off the bat?"

"Yes. I thought it was a HR off the bat. Then I remembered how much Murphy stinks."


Why are you even asking the manager a question like that?

Maybe Collins was hoping that the warning track fly ball would bounce off Swishers glove and go into the stands for a HR.

What happened on the Davis HR, anyway? Did Swisher lose the ball in the moon?


"Soon enough, everyone else would know, the ball dying a few steps shy of the right-field wall, the ballgame dying in Nick Swisher’s glove, a 4-3 Yankees victory that evened the Queens portion of the Subway Series at a game apiece, setting up tonight’s arm-ageddon pairing of R.A. Dickey and CC Sabathia as a rubber-game adventure."

Tonight's arm-ageddon pairing of R.A. Dickey and CC Sabathia will be a rubber-game adventure! I am paid money to write these things!


"And here’s the thing: as much as the Mets’ prosperity has stunned most of baseball and many of their own fans, Collins saw it all clearly back in February, the first day of pitchers and catchers, sitting in his office at Digital Domain Park, wondering what all the doom and gloom was all about."

I don't think the Mets are too good this year. They've exceeded absurdly low expectations which seemed to be linked to the Madoff trial rather than the actual players on the team.


“ 'I don’t see it,' Collins said, his face already fried by the February Florida sun. 'Honestly. I don’t see why people think we’ll be that bad. I heard the other day someone back home said we would lose 105 games. And I just don’t see it. I see a lot of wins out there for this team.' ”

That's what I mean: 105 losses?


"Collins was speaking for the record. But those quotes never made it into the next day’s newspaper. A lot of the quotes from that sit-down didn’t. I didn’t want to embarrass Collins because, damn, he sure sounded the way every manager doomed and destined for the second division has sounded going all the way back to 1880."

For-the-record comments didn't make it to the newspaper because you didn't want to embarrass the subject of the column.

Journalism!

It was a good pitching performance except for all the runs the other team scored.

"A less charitable person would come to the conclusion that Andy Pettitte did not respond to the challenge and failed miserably Friday night. That person, you might notice, has a quick temper and a short memory. That person is named Andy Pettitte."

Andy Pettitte did not respond to the challenge and failed miserably Friday night.


"You wanted to say: Geez, lighten up, pally."

I wanted to say, "Go back to Houston."


"The Yanks’ 6-4 loss at Citi Field also represented the best of Pettitte, because any other pitcher would have crashed, burned, and skulked off in abject surrender, leaving the bullpen in a crisis for the rest of the weekend.

Instead, Pettitte threw five zeroes."

A better pitcher would not have allowed five runs in the first inning.

It's not unusual at all for a starting pitcher to "settle down" after a terrible first inning. It's so common, that "settling down" is, like, a baseball thing.

Congratulations on saving the bullpen, though.

I read the same article twice per year, every year.

"The Mets would like to think they are done performing lavish favors for the Yankees.

They were swept by the Yanks, then swept the Yanks’ nearest pursuers, the Rays and the Orioles."

Crazy.


"They have afforded their cross-borough rivals several boosts in the American League standings, but hope to end such unintended courtesies beginning Friday at Citi Field in yet another Subway Series."

Professional baseball players hope to win baseball games.


"Based on their victory Wednesday, the Mets have never appeared quite so ready to upend the pecking order around here."

Interleague play started in 1997. Bondy makes it sound like the Mets have never had a good team, have never won the regular season Subway Series, didn't have a ninth-inning lead in Game One of the 2000 World Series.


If the Mets sweep the Yankees this weekend -- I'd be loathe to predict baseball in the short-term -- that gives them a series split and leaves the Yankees with a better record.

Even in the somewhat unlikely event that the Mets sweep this weekend, the NY Baseball pecking order will not be upended.


"Most of the Mets talked about embracing this challenge, rising to the occasion. Davis, though, took a swing at the Subway Series hype, and by extension, at the whole Yankee aura."

The Yankees don't have an aura.

They have Nova, Pettitte, and Sabathia, followed by a pretty good bullpen.

Dickey worries me, but maybe he'll throw a lot of passed balls. Or maybe it will rain that night.

Congratulations, you're a dope.

I suspect Clemens will make the Hall of Fame.

If you're wondering why the HOF (and HOF voters) experience backlash from many fans, this is why:

"Understand one thing: What Clemens skated on were six charges related to perjury. In the eyes of the jury, he did not lie when he stood before Congress and declared himself a clean baseball player. He was not specifically cleared of using steroids. That was beside the point, outside the case. In almost every instance of a player using steroids, or not using them, we are talking about an unindicted crime."

Unindicted is a good word choice. I misremember if unindicted is an actual word, but I know what you're trying to say.

In any case ... since all of these steroid crimes were unindicted ... why is Clemens in Court in the first place?

"I voted for Mark McGwire one year. I haven’t voted for him the years since. I changed my mind because I could. I might do so again. I voted for Jeff Bagwell because I never have been persuaded he was a cheater; maybe I’m right, maybe I’m wrong. Next year, I’ll make my mind up all over again.

And I’ll do the same thing about Clemens when my ballot arrives next December, the first one with a shadowed box next to his name on it. And it won’t matter to me that six times he heard the words 'not guilty' at the U.S. District Courthouse in Washington yesterday, same as it wouldn’t if the government had gone 6-for-6. Short of someone like McGwire, who copped to using, we’re never going to know the truth in black-and-white clarity.

Will I vote for him? If I had to decide right now, today, I wouldn’t. I think he used. I think he cheated the game. And at bare minimum, I think it should cost him a first-ballot ticket.

Will I feel differently in December? Possibly. In 2016? Maybe. In 2022? Ask me then. I suspect I will, in the context of my one vote, eventually want to separate, for history’s sake, those who I believe were Hall of Famers without help — Clemens and Barry Bonds are on that short list — from others who needed the boost. Or maybe I won’t."

Right.

So you're flaky and you're proud of it.

Ummm ...

By his own accounts, Darren Daulton was a pull hitter. As he neared the end of his career, Darren Daulton lined a single to left field. Since he was normally a pull hitter, this led Darren Daulton to believe that someone else hit the ball. An out-of-body experience. After that, things got really weird.

Probably the weirdest baseball-related story I have seen until some guy's attempt to link Bryce Harper's hustle double to world politics and punk rock. When I read the article, I really didn't attempt to blog it because I didn't even know where to start.

I will let Charles Pierce do my job for me.

Roger Clemens guilty of too many sugary snacks.

From the looks of it, Mike Lopresti was called in to court as a subject matter expert:

"Roger Clemens is innocent. We're just not absolutely sure of what."

Technically speaking, "not guilty" is not the same verdict as "innocent."

I believe the charges were lying to Congress under oath ... so ... that's the what.


"He has his freedom. He has his legal victory. He has his validation, in some manner. It was a six-count shutout he threw at the prosecution. Not guilty on all charges. That verdict will have some legs, through time.

...

It is not that simple, of course, and never will be. One jury is still out — the proverbial public opinion, if Clemens cares — and who knows how long before a decision is reached there, if ever? It certainly will never be of one mind."

You made me reconsider my feelings regarding Roger Clemens's purported steroid use. It turns out that juror decisions are not always black and white. Rather, the dichotomy we seek in our justice system does not necessarily apply to the complex realities of our world.

Oh, man! This insight is blowing my mind.

Mike Lopresti is a subject matter expert in Ding Dongs and Immanuel Kant.

Michael Lupica, Esq.

People of the world, I only have one piece of advice of which I am 100 percent certain.

Do not, under any circumstances, listen to Mike Lupica's legal advice or legal analysis.

No-hitter momentum.

At first I scoffed the notion that Johan Santana's no-hitter could provide momentum for an entire ballclub.

While the Mets have a 6-9 record since that game, the Yankees have a 12-2 record. Which means the Yankees have evidently been inspired by Santana's performance.

I stand corrected.

I have great news, everybody.

Joe Torre wouldn't mind managing Alex Rodriguez in the World Baseball Classic.

I detect snark for a game-tying grand slam.

"From what we know of both, it's hard to imagine two more different men than Alex Rodriguez and Lou Gehrig."

Albert Einstein and Andre the Giant.

Joe Namath and J. Robert Oppenheimer.

Goofus and Gallant.

Alexander the Great and the guy who pumps your gas. One's a Macedonian ruler who conquered Persia and built an empire of previously unseen size and influence. One's a guy who pumps gas. What happens when two totally opposite roommates hit the night scene in Bayonne, NJ looking for love? Watch "Kickin' It with Al -n- Roy," Thursday nights at 10:30 on FX.


"From all accounts, Gehrig was shy, modest, hated parties, shunned the spotlight and lived with his parents until he was 31 years old, when he married Eleanor Twitchell, his first serious romantic involvement."

So you're saying the that Lou Gehrig lived with his parents until he was 31 years old, when he married Eleanor Twitchell, his first serious romantic involvement.

Huh.


"A-Rod, of course, is A-Rod. If you need any more details than that, you need to get out a little bit, or at least leaf through a gossip mag in the checkout line every now and then."

No.

You need to get out a little bit and you seriously stop leafing through the gossip mags in the checkout line.

Seriously. Think about what you just said.


"And yet, Rodriguez and Gehrig share a spot atop a very exclusive list, because they apparently had at least two things in common:

Both loved hitting with the bases loaded."

Couple of things:

1) In this sentence, you refer to Alex Rodriguez in the past tense.

2) They both have hit 23 grand slams in their career. I see no reason to be surprised that this would translate into similar off-field personalities. So what is your point?


"What followed was, in a way, anti-climactic. Two batters later, Nick Swisher hit a two-run home run. The Yankees went on to win 6-4, their fifth victory in a row and 15th in their last 18 games, and -- coupled with the Mets beating the Rays down in Tampa Bay -- moved into sole possession of first place in the American League East for the first time since April 21.

But those were all secondary stories."

You're writing the story, so you can decide if what's a secondary story.

I think you can write one overall story which encompasses many elements.

So I think the spotlight-seeking third baseman earned the spotlight on this particular night. He hit an important HR for his team, which helped his team win, and it was also a career milestone.

I'll skip the video, thanks.

Get a tissue and wipe your nose.

Crybaby sportswriter is upset because the Mets lost to the Yankees:

"If Nick Swisher can turn into a drum majorette after a home run off Johan Santana in June, imagine what he might do if he ever hits in the postseason."

Postseason? The Yankees are going to make the postseason? The old, tired, overrated, gutless, soulless, mercenary Yankees?

As Swisher might say: "The playoffs would be awesome, dude!"


1) Swisher was in the dugout.

2) Swisher was not even celebrating after his own home run. He was celebrating the third home run in a row, which is a rather rare event.

3) If games against the Mets in June don't matter ... then stop writing about them.


Do you get the sense that Lupica didn't mind so much if it Jose Reyes was excessively celebrating?

Do you get the sense that Lupica wouldn't root for the Feds if their steroid target was Mike Piazza instead of Roger Clemens?

Do you get the sense the Lupica simply hates the Yankees and loves the Mets, clouding any sense of rational thinking that may have existed at one time in his pea brain?

Thank you, John Harper.

"So while the Mets manager made a point of saying he was to blame for the four home runs Santana surrendered to the Yankees in the 9-1 loss, pinning it on the extra two days of rest he forced on the lefthander this week, in truth he had no choice.

As Collins said, 'We erred on the side of caution and it cost us a game tonight. Johan was rusty and that’s my fault.'

First of all, all of that may or may not be true. The Yankees had hit Santana hard in the two previous starts he had made at the new Yankee Stadium, so this wasn’t necessarily an anomaly.

And while their mysterious struggles with runners in scoring position and the bases loaded have kept them from taking off this season, the Yankees can ambush anybody with their power, especially in this ballpark.

...

So while Collins was only looking to protect his ace, there was no blame to be taken. If anything, he should have given more credit to the guys who did the thumping."

He pitched a bad game. It happens. I'd expect a higher frequency of bad games from Santana and Dickey. The pitcher is 100% responsible for every pitch he throws.

Anti-trust.

If Clemens is found guilty, it will be the Mother of all Pyrrhic Victories:

"Let's backtrack to the late 1990s, when home run totals were exploding in both leagues and old long-standing records were either obliterated or under assault. Egged on by the sports press, fans began to pepper their Congressmen with complaints about the proliferation of steroids and other PEDs in baseball at both the pro and amateur levels, including high schools."

I don't really recall that part, but somebody somewhere must have started the ball rolling.

My recollection is silence from the sports press and, in general, a collective burying of heads in the sand.

I wasn't peppering my Congressman.

Were you peppering your Congressman?

"The first response of baseball commissioner Bud Selig to complaints from Congress was one of almost ridiculous arrogance. After stalling for years on requests for an investigation into drug use in the major leagues, in 2005 Selig sent the Congressional Committee a letter telling them they had no jurisdiction in the matter. The hearings, Selig informed them, were 'an absolutely excessive and unprecedented misuse of Congressional power.' "

It's an exaggeration, to be sure, but I don't think Congress is acting on behalf of the American people.

"Perhaps it was years of being called the 'czar' of baseball, but whatever inflated Selig's sense of his own power, he was delusional. Several Congressmen went public about the possibility of stripping baseball of its exemption from antitrust laws, which it had enjoyed since 1922."

This is precisely where Selig made a mistake. He should have simply called Congress's bluff. You want to remove the last vestige of the antitrust laws? Please go right ahead.

What is the real danger to MLB if the antitrust protections are removed?


"But on April 8, 2004, six days after testing was completed, federal agents confiscated the samples from a Las Vegas lab and records of the test results from a company in Long Beach, California. Both the Commissioner's office and the union vehemently objected. The agents' warrant was for only ten samples related to their investigation into the BALCO steroids lab in building their case against Barry Bonds, and they had no authority to take the samples of all 104 players who had tested positive. It took more than five years of legal squabbling for the union to get the samples back. On August 26, 2009, the Ninth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled 9-2 that the agents had violated the players' civil liberties and ordered the samples returned, which, after another appeal was denied, they were. The samples were promptly destroyed.

But it was too late for some well-known players. The feds broke the ID code on the 'blind' samples and were able to put names to the samples. In February, 2009, as the courts debated the status of the confiscated test samples, the names of Alex Rodriguez, Manny Ramirez, and David Ortiz were leaked to the New York Times and Sports Illustrated."

Now, that's what I call an abuse of power.

Roger Clemens is not a likeable guy. Arrogant, mean, a real prick. He probably cheated and he displays zero remorse.

He's still an American citizen.

You don't forfeit your Constitutional rights just because you're a professional athlete.


"What are the chances of a conviction? No one really knows. The prosecution rested on May 29, and unless they still have something bigger up their sleeve than Brian McNamee's word or a bunch of old syringes stored for years in a beer can—regardless of the brand—it seems likely that Barry Bonds' house arrest is all the federal government will have to show for our $120 million."

$120 million.

I want my money back.

Who am I?

• I am a major league pitcher.
  
• I have as many wins this season as Daniel Murphy has home runs.
• My team is in last place.
• I gave up $millions for this?
  

An article that actually has zero original observations.

I wonder if Johnette Howard is a real person or some kind of google sports autobot aggregator:

"Their name is the Mets. They should be called the Mutts."

Those are the first two sentences of the article.

If you wish to continue reading an article after that starts like that, you may do so at your own peril.

The gist of the article is how the Mets are fiery underdogs who are surpassing expectations.

I thought he was going to predict a Yankees/Mets World Series.

He's looking ahead four whole days:

"Let’s imagine what it would be like Friday night at Yankee Stadium if both the Yankees and the Mets are in first place in their respective divisions. Go ahead, you’re allowed."

Ummm ... dare to dream!


"While you’re at it, commit another baseball sin: Take a look back at what’s happened with our two local major-league teams so far. Absorb it all, and cherish how it makes no sense."

Why is that a baseball sin?

Hughes vs. Verlander.

Did you ever get a feeling that a game was over before it started?