Roger Clemens guilty of too many sugary snacks.

From the looks of it, Mike Lopresti was called in to court as a subject matter expert:

"Roger Clemens is innocent. We're just not absolutely sure of what."

Technically speaking, "not guilty" is not the same verdict as "innocent."

I believe the charges were lying to Congress under oath ... so ... that's the what.


"He has his freedom. He has his legal victory. He has his validation, in some manner. It was a six-count shutout he threw at the prosecution. Not guilty on all charges. That verdict will have some legs, through time.

...

It is not that simple, of course, and never will be. One jury is still out — the proverbial public opinion, if Clemens cares — and who knows how long before a decision is reached there, if ever? It certainly will never be of one mind."

You made me reconsider my feelings regarding Roger Clemens's purported steroid use. It turns out that juror decisions are not always black and white. Rather, the dichotomy we seek in our justice system does not necessarily apply to the complex realities of our world.

Oh, man! This insight is blowing my mind.

Mike Lopresti is a subject matter expert in Ding Dongs and Immanuel Kant.