The Yankees are going to make the playoffs and make $10 million per day in ice cream sales alone.

You know what would be fun to talk about while the Yankees storm into first place?

Attendance figures:

"If early-season baseball attendance in New York is a referendum on just how far our teams can push their fan bases, the fans in Flushing and the Bronx have voted, and the results appear to be pretty definitive.

The answer is, not much further."

I know a lot of people who've been to Yankee Stadium and Citifield and everybody has loved the new stadiums and their overall experience.


"So far, the Yankees are averaging 44,636 in their new crib, the Mets 38,806."

Whoa! That's a lot!


"If baseball is so popular in this town and Yankees and Mets games truly are must-see events, as both clubs insisted throughout the offseason, why aren't there 10,000 people milling around outside their ballparks every game night, trying to buy up every last ticket in the house, and the rest going home empty-handed and disappointed?"

Yankes games are not must-see events unless it's the playoffs or it's a regular-season game vs. the Red Sox or the Mets.

I can guarantee that 10,000 people never milled around old Yankee Stadium looking for mid-May tickets vs. Baltimore.

If they did this in 2009, they are fools: They could have just gone to stubhub.


"But in a metropolitan area that certainly has more than 83,442 people - the combined average attendance at both parks - wealthy enough to buy their way into these exclusive clubs dressed as ballparks, there has to be something more to it.

It just might be that the remarkably deep-pocketed, thick-skinned and resilient sports fans of this town finally have reached their limit."

83,000 people per day is a lot of people. Your observation is quite contradictory and ignorant.

By the way, yes, the New York Metropolitan area definitely has more than 83,442 people. Tens of millions of people. So, good job with the demographic analysis.


"Clearly, people are opting out of spending exorbitant amounts to witness baseball games in the flesh, especially when it is much more economical, not to mention fan-friendly, to simply plop down in the recliner in front of the HDTV, crack a beer, pop your own corn and not have to contend with traffic, or shell out $19 for parking and $10 for tolls, and heaven knows how much else at the concession stands.

It's simply no longer worth it, no matter how good the team is or how deeply ingrained in your DNA the ritual of going to the ballpark on a summer night really is."

Except for those 83,000 people per day.

14-8 at home, five walkoff wins. It's Stadium magic.

When Filip Bondy is proven wrong, all he can do is complain about something else.

Now the problem is that the Yankees hit too many homeruns.

Lupica wept.

On the same day where ARod hits a game-tying HR in the ninth, Papelbon blows a save with two outs in the ninth.

Why is Steve Balboni bunting?

"Steve Balboni was born a generation too late."

How so?


"The former slugger looks at today's homer-happy game and can't help but wonder what would have happened if he were playing today."

So, your ridiculous theory is that he was born a generation too early.


In any case, if Balboni was born a generation later, he'd be Craig Wilson. If he was born a generation earlier, he'd have been Curt Blefary.

5-2, 3.59 ERA.

Your kid could be Governor of California.

I'll be $20 this guy takes Viagra and Extenz:

"So, last week, I'm driving my son to a Little Leaguegame in "College Point on the Whitestone Expressway, listening to WFAN, and some caller is marveling that Albert Pujols already has 12 homers in 2009."

Twelve homers is a lot, but it's not that many. Some caller is too easily impressed. He sounds like one of those people who say KFC's grilled chicken is "awesome."


"My kid, who plays on two Little League teams, and is a HUGE Pujols fan, pounds his first baseman's mitt and says, 'Do you think they'll give Pujols a urine test just like Manny and A-Rod, Dad? "

HUGE Pujols fan. HUGE.

So, let me ask you something: Who's raising your kid, anyway? You? Or Albert Pujols?


"Bang. Bang. Bang.

Three silver bullets straight into the already hemorrhaging heart of baseball."

I don't know if baseball's heart is hemorrhaging as much as you think.

In any case, your article is probably about fifteen years late. While you were driving on the Whitestone Expressway, were you listening to Terrence Trent D'Arby?


"Sure, people resented that Maris might break the great Babe Ruth's record, needing 162 games instead of Ruth's 154, to reach 61. Cynical old timers told us that neither Maris nor Mantle could hold Ruth's or DiMaggio's or Ted Williams' sweat socks. Others, diehard Giants fans, insisted that Willie Mays was better than either of them. All of that was probably true. But no kid asked his old man if Mickey or Roger could pass a urine test. No one suspected Maris had topped Ruth with the help of Dr. Frankenstein."

You could take Mantle's urine, put an olive in it, and you'd have a martini.


"This is what the steroidians have done: They have turned baseball from a magnificent sport played by great athletes into a seedy business played by cheating monsters who have been chemically augmented by mad science."

Okay, you win.

Maybe your kid can turn to the NFL ... or the NBA ... or the Olympics ... or NASCAR ... or wrestling.

Well, no.

Maybe your kid can read a book.


"I can understand second chances for players caught using recreational party drugs like cocaine, which could be attributed to too much money too young, or the insidious disease of addiction."

Mister God has decreed that crackheads deserve second chances, but steroids users do not deserve second chances.

Good lesson for the kids.


"Which baseball superstars are kids today supposed to admire? Bonds? Clemens? A-Rod? Ramirez?"

The kids of today should admire none of them. Baseball players are not admirable people.

Kids of today should admire everyone except pro athletes. Kids of today should admire librarians and scientists and bus drivers and first-level help desk personnel.

As for baseball, just root for your team and hope your team scores more runs than the opposing team. When the game is over , turn off the TV and read a book about Isaac Newton. Or, if you want to be a real superhero, turn off the TV and start a baseball blog.

"'How could they even let him play in the majors if he got caught cheating in the minors, Dad?' my bewildered kid asked.

This is clearly a question MLB must ask itself if baseball is to survive."

Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. Baseball will survive and thrive, and you know it.


If you want to get rid of all steroids users without giving them a second chance, you'd lose a lot of talent.

If you want to get rid of all the deplorable people, you'd be left with Mark Teixeira and Derek Jeter playing catch with Koyie Hill and Nick Johnson.

That's it.

Those are the only four good role models in major league baseball.

Home-field advantage.

"Helmets flying, bats flipping and whipped-cream pies. They've been staples of the past three finishes at Yankee Stadium, but how much more late-inning magic can the Yankees squeeze out of their new home in the Bronx?"

I don't know about the whipped-cream pies staple.

But I do know Filip Bondy sounds kinda dumb:

"The Yankees come home Friday night to their new Stadium, after a road trip that ended with another CC Sabathia gem and considerable promise. More than anything, what they need to do now is remember how to win in the South Bronx.

This is not going to be easy, because the Stadium is not the same as the last one, no matter how hard the architects tried to recreate the dimensions and the decibels. It is quieter, except for the intrusive sound system. It is emptier in the most visible seats, priced for a Wall Street aristocracy that no longer exists. At least so far, the prevailing winds have been very kind to line drives, particularly those launched by the opposition.

Like it or not, this is home sweet home. There is no crossing the street back to the old place. The Yankees are already reselling their legacy over there, one fraying, blue chair at a time. The new building will have to do for the next three decades or so, and it better start acting friendlier in a hurry."

It's not even getaway Sunday ...

... because the Yankees play the Twins tomorrow.

Better save Mariano for tomorrow, Joe Torre. I mean, Joe Girardi.

Brett Tomko hasn't worked in a while, so it's good to see him get his work in.

Homeruns in the first inning don't count.

"Alex Rodriguez didn't even join the season until 10 days ago, and didn't win the Yankees a game until he hit that shot in the bottom of the 11th Saturday."

I like how Lupica had written this sentence with the clause "and hasn't won the Yankees a game" and probably had it submitted to the editor. Then, he had to change the sentence by Sunday morning.

Please note that ARod basically "won the Yankees a game" in his first game back. A three-run homerun is very important when your team wins the game 4-0. Even if that three-run homerun occurs in the oh-so-boring first inning. Though, of course, CC Sabathia threw a shutout. So, like every other game, it's a team effort.

Also, please note that Mark Teixeira and Mariano Rivera and Alfredo Aceves were more important to yesterday's win than Alex Rodriguez.

"Yankee fans are supposed to be wistful because George Steinbrenner isn't making threats or headlines anymore. And of course that was part of the show of the man over the 30 years when he became the most famous and unique and often ridiculous owner in the history of American sports.

But Yankee fans shouldn't miss him because they miss the show. They should miss him because he would have banged a few heads over the run-out of the new Stadium."

Lupica, you are a hypocritical liar.

For decades, you criticized Steinbrenner and now you write him a love letter.

"George Steinbrenner didn't always run things right. Believe me, this is no love letter to everything he did or everything he said, not from me. He could be mean and make a mess of things and make noise just to make noise. But he was The Boss of the place, and got better at it as he went along."

Now you sound like a female. If you're a man, you say what you mean and mean what you say.

Talk about setting yourself up for a fall.

"More than any player in franchise history, David Ortiz taught even the most cynical Red Sox fans that refusing to give up sometimes results in the sweetest rewards.

So the inclination is to resist giving up on him. The man deserves that much, at least under normal circumstances."

David Ortiz taught you that?

Did you have parents?

"Why is this happening now? What caused it? And is there any hope of recovering from this?"

Answers, in order: He stopped taking steroids; He stopped taking steroids; He can start taking steroids again.

"I do not believe that David Ortiz's wonderful legacy in Boston was built fraudulently. I do not believe he used performance-enhancing drugs. I believe he was a natural power hitter who was miscast, undervalued and injury prone in Minnesota, where he put up decent power numbers despite Tom Kelly's bizarre intention to turn him into Rich Becker."

It's good to believe in something.

I believe I'll have another beer.

"When he joined the Red Sox in 2003, they were the right team at the right time, though it took Grady Little an entire spring to realize as much. It did not, however, take Ortiz long to become a folk hero, and he thrived here two full seasons before steroid testing was implemented in March 2005. Ortiz has hit 158 regular-season home runs since then. If his strength and success was the result of some PED cocktail, he did a fine job of hiding it the last four seasons."

Yes, he has done a fine job of hiding it so far.

Like just about every other professional athlete.

I have a hankerin' for Bigelow's green tea and I can't explain why.

" 'I've been fortunate to play for a lot of great managers,' says Doug Mientkiewicz, who also played for Torre in New York. 'But with all due respect to those other guys, he's the best I've ever played for.

'He's been through everything. He knows what it takes to win games. He knows how to handle every situation, every kind of personality. He's had veteran-laden teams, and he's had young teams. And he's really good at defusing bombs before they even get lit, if that makes sense. A lot of people are reactionary. He's proactive in situations before they even happen.' "

Torre is so observant and proactive, that he can write a book detailing the inner workings of the psyches of all of his players. Torre can probably predict what Buddy Groom is eating for dinner tonight.

However, Torre is not observant enough to notice when his players are taking human growth hormone or steroids.

Truth is, neither Torre nor McCourt nor Selig want to give back the prestige and revenue that Manny brought to the Dodgers in 2008.

Wasn't it nice to have a big market team in the playoffs?

0-for-7 with 11 LOB?

See, Teixeira is stinking it up, but at least Teixeira has a lot of walks and a lot of homeruns. More importantly, who else on the Yankees is going to bat third? So, you trust Teixeira's track record and hope today is the day he busts out.

But with Ortiz, it's even crazier. Ortiz batting .208 with 0 homeruns all of his teammates are better hitters.

Maybe Ortiz will finally be dropped in the lineup when Youkilis returns.

I know Francona has loyalty towards the guy, but this is getting downright weird.

The '86 Mets woulda won this game.

Can you imagine what a dopey analysis that would be? Just the stupidity and pointlessness of obsessing about a long-ago version of your team?

This pretty much happens every day with the Yankees.

In case you thought last night's win over the Blue Jays erased all the Yankee woes, Joel Sherman verifies that it did not.

Still, winning is typically better than losing:

"Nothing has worked out as the Yankees imagined. They thought they were constructing a wonder of the world and, instead, have seemingly forfeited one of the great home-field advantages in sports."

The Yankees had one of the great home-field advantages in sports?

The Cavaliers just went 39-2 at home and that was only because they benched Lebron in the last game of the season.

Even with the rigging of a lefty power hitters, you really think it was the loud fans that helped the Yankees win? Not the players so much?


"The fans closest to the field are either quiet, absent or inside private clubs stuffing their faces with the free food that comes with their take-out-a-mortgage tickets."

Maybe so, but I don't know if that explains Damaso Marte's inability to get out right-handed batters.


"Those farthest away from the field are angry at both being herded into second-class status and the content of their team."

I don't think this is really true.

But even if it was true, it still doesn't affect the performance of the players on the field.


"But what is disturbing about this group is not how physically fragile they are, but how mentally weak they appear. Roy Halladay is special, but the greatest pitcher I have seen was Pedro Martinez in his prime. The dynastic Yankees nevertheless found a way to win when he started, in part, because of a grinding credo that turned each at-bat into war and regularly shortened Martinez's outings."

Paul O'Neill woulda hit three homeruns against Halladay on Tuesday night.

That's basically what Yankee analysis over the past eight years boils down to: "Paul O'Neill woulda."

Talented-yet-immature.

The only people who don't like Joba Chamberlain are sportswriters.

I can't tell you how nice it is to watch a player who gives a damn:

"Aubrey Huff is my new hero after mocking talented-yet-immature Yankee Joba Chamberlain with a couple fist pumps to celebrate a homer Sunday. Someone needs to tell Joba to tone it down. I'm not sure this will work. But hey, it's a start."

Aubrey Huff probably is your new hero, you loser. Maybe Huff give you an autograph if you ask real nice. But you'll have to call him "Mr. Huff" and promise to stay in school and get good grades.


I'll take 25 talented-yet-immature players like Joba on my team.

I'd say the only two players on this team who act like they are emotionally invested in the outcome of the game are Joba Chamberlain and Francisco Cervelli.

When Cervelli beat out an infield hit the othe day, I almost fainted. Every other player on the team would have been slowing down so they could get a head start to the dugout.

Why can't David Ortiz hit homeruns?

You know, with Selena Roberts in mind, it's fair to demand high journalistic standards.

But this is really just an opinion column.

I think you can safely mention the possibility of steroid use:

"Of the other 50-homer hitters, no one else has begun a season as dismally as Ortiz. Not one-season wonders such as Brady Anderson or Luis Gonzalez. Not Hall of Famers such as Willie Mays, even when he was 42 and at the end of his career with the Mets, or Mickey Mantle, in his last year on shredded knees with the Yankees. Not Roger Maris, even after his slugging feats in New York were a distant memory in St. Louis, nor Sammy Sosa, hanging on at the end in Texas."

Why can't David Ortiz hit homeruns?

Well, you mentioned Brady Anderson ... you mentioned Luis Gonzalez ... you even mentioned Sammy Sosa.

You're getting warmer.

Loves Jonathan Papelbon.

Lupica likes every Red Sox player and dislikes every Yankee player (other than that CFer who lost the starting job to Melky):

"At this point in his career the kid is famous for being a Yankee, for getting swarmed by bugs one night in Cleveland, for a drunk-driving arrest, for having a colorful name and a complicated background. He is not yet famous for winning baseball games."

I think he's most famous for his success as a reliever.

Not a huge sample size, but a ridiculous ERA.


"For now Chamberlain has won a total of eight games in the big leagues."

Only four losses. A sweet .667 winning percentage and a career ERA under 3.00.

You don't get too many wins as a relief pitcher, though, so the win-loss record is kind of unimportant. Mariano Rivera has less career wins than Andy Hawkins. Only a very stupid person would judge a relief pitcher on their number of wins.


"Jonathan Papelbon threw back his head on Sunday night, pumped his fist four times at Fenway Park, strike up the band. But Papelbon had just struck out Carlos Pena and B.J. Upton and Carl Crawford with runners on second and third in a one-run game, struck them out on high fastballs in the high 90s to win the game. You are allowed to kick up your heels when you do that, especially if the game is over."

Papelbon is allowed to do anything he wants. Papelbon was so awesome when he threw his head back on Sunday night. Papelbon pumped his fist four times on Sunday night, and, believe me, Lupica was pumping fists right along with him.

Papelbon is, like, totally OMG.


"He may eventually turn out to be the first star starter they have produced out of their farm system since Andy Pettitte, the first strikeout starter they have produced since Ron Guidry."

So Chien-Ming Wang is not a star pitcher, huh?

Wang is 54-23 for his career.

In the 2.5 seasons before he got injured, Wang won 46 games.

That's a right-handed Andy Pettitte.

"So the Yankees desperately need to have Chamberlain come through for them, show the world that they do have a farm system, that they can develop the kind of arms the Red Sox have with Jon Lester and Papelbon and even Clay Buchholz, who has a no-hitter in the books and can't get out of the minors right now."

You tramp.

Wang is unmentioned , Joba is overrated, but Clay Buchholz (5-10, 5.56) is an emerging superstar.


You know what? The Red Sox are better than the Yankees. It's not an issue.

The Red Sox won the World Series in 2004 and 2007. The Red Sox had a better record than the Yankees in 2007, 2008, and so far in 2009.

This is not rocket science. It's just looking at the standings. You don't have to rig the argument with stupidity and ignorance. When you hype up Buchholz and ignore Wang's success, you merely ruin your own credibility.

One writer who sort of thinks like a fan.

William Rhoden says something obvious, but something that isn't said often enough:

"What kind of husband he was, what kind of father he is, whether he sends his mother great gifts on Mother’s Day — all those questions faded to black on a warm Friday evening when he homered off the first pitch of his first at-bat. The storybook home run lifted a slumping team to a desperately needed victory.

In baseball terms, that’s real.

For one night in Baltimore, his high-priced team reeling, in desperate need of a lift, A-Rod made his season debut in Hollywood fashion. The entire dugout lit up. Yankees fans were ignited. C. C. Sabathia was inspired and pitched a shutout. This was a breakout game for him as well. Even Orioles fans, peeved once again by the presence of waves of New Yorkers in their midst, marveled — grudgingly — at Rodriguez’s perfectly timed home run."


Meanwhile, Joel Sherman ponders what would have happened if ARod had signed with the Mets.

Why is Joel Sherman asking this question in May 2009? I have no idea whatsoever. It's as if he has nothing baseball-related to write about since two professional baseball teams in New York are currently playing baseball.

Instead of concluding that the Mets may have won a World Series or two, Sherman states that Alex Rodriguez's "insincerity, insecurity and ego have been a counterweight to his talent, sucking the life out of an entire organization?"

So, there you go.

The life has been sucked out of the Yankee organization, and it is Alex Rodriguez who did it.

Which probably explains why the team has played so well without him this season.

Head's up.

Just a random rant.


Cano didn't exactly lay out for the first two grounders in the second inning.

Teixeira, Swisher, and Hughes also played poorly in the field during that inning, somewhat mitigating Hughes's lousy pitching performance.

However, my biggest gripe is Hughes lackadaisically backing up the catcher, unaware of the play behind him.

A lot like Robinson Cano's patented head's-in-the-cloud post-grounder jog into the outfield. As if it's too much effort to stop, turn around, and cover the base.


Point being: What is with the Yankees' minor league coaching? (Major league coaching, too, I suppose. Swisher should be fined about $10,000 in Kangaroo Court for mindlessly allowing himself to get picked off third base.)

Besides Andy Pettitte's amazing ability to pick off the baserunners, EVERY SINGLE YANKEE PLAYER who joins the major league team DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO PLAY FUNDAMENTALLY SOUND BASEBALL.

I can't think of any Yankee pitcher who knows how to hold a runner on base.

If a ground ball is hit to Joba Chamberlain with a runner on first base, I absolutely don't expect a double play. I expect the throw to second base to sail into the outfield.

Forget about bunting, even for a player like Melky Cabrera, who isn't exactly Reggie Jackson. Maybe a fourth outfielder / utility player could increase his value to the team by learning how to bunt.

Maybe Girardi should march up and down the bench and fine any player who doesn't know how many outs there are.


What are the Yankees doing in the minor leagues? What's the deal? Do these players think they can get by on talent alone?

I got 1360 on my SATs.

"The argument made in the defense of the users being elected into the Hall of Fame centers on the supposition that most players from the last 15 to 20 years were on something, so if these were the best players of the era, then they should be considered the best candidates for Cooperstown."

I don't think that's the argument at all.  The argument is to assess the effect that performance-enhancers had on this particular player's career.

Sosa probably would have been Chad Curtis is he hadn't taken steroids.  Bonds, Clemens, and ARod probably would have been among the greatest players of their generation if they hadn't taken steroids.

I know this assessment requires actual thinking by sportswriters, but your general inability to do so has resulted in the shrunken credibility of the HOF.

"Let's say your son or daughter is caught cheating while taking his or her SATs. But let's say 80 percent of the class also gets caught cheating. If almost everyone in the class was cheating, it's OK for your child to have done the same, right?

And, let's say he/she scored in the top 5 percent of the class on those tainted tests. Well, Stanford, Harvard and other elite schools should simply overlook the fact that these kids cheated, because almost everyone else did the same."

The analogy is a bit weak, but I think the answer is, "it depends."

SAT scores are not the only factor used to determine college admittance.  

If a student was under understandably intense pressure to score well on the SATs -- if this student had a consistent 4.0 GPA in high school -- if this student was yearbook editor, class President, and captain of the debate team -- if this student's parents had enough money to avoid the need for a scholarship -- if this student was a legacy -- if this student apologized profusely and re-took the SATs and scored well -- then maybe Stanford wouldn't want to lose this student to MIT.  

Maybe Stanford wants the recognition when this student goes on to win a Nobel Prize.

"So, a reward is in line for these kids. It's not such an easy argument anymore, is it?"

"It's not such an easy argument anymore, is it?"

 What a prick.  Pedro Gomez is talking down to you. 

We all thought the steroids/HOF discussion was easy and straightforward, but now my world view has changed because of Pedro Gomez's infantile SAT analogy.

"The Hall of Fame is not something to be viewed lightly. Not everyone gets in because it is the ultimate honor and the ultimate reward for major league players. Plus, right there among the list of rules on the cover sheet of the ballot is the following sentence: 'Voting shall be based upon the player's record, playing ability, integrity, sportsmanship, character, and contributions to the team(s) on which the player played.' "

Integrity.

Sportsmanship.

Character."

Too late.  

Gaylord Perry is already in the Hall of Fame.

Therefore, it's already the Hall of Shame.

Not especially.

"It is ludicrous to suggest that yesterday's sad revelation has any bearing whatsoever on the Red Sox' world championships in 2004 and 2007. Those titles are not tainted, no matter what the hypocritical Yankees fan in the next cubicle over tries to claim. To even suggest as much is to admit that you not only have a personal agenda in this (a deep dislike or jealousy of the Red Sox, for starters) or a complete lack of perspective regarding what will be recorded as baseball's Steroid Era."

if one is tainted, then they're all tainted.


"The Red Sox' championships are tainted? Really? Then I guess that applies to -- let's see -- pretty much every other World Series winner of the Steroid Era."

Yes, of course.

But, let me guess: You're going to fixate on Clemens, Pettitte, and even Jason Grimsley while conveniently ignoring Manny, Ortiz, Trot Nixon, Jason Varitek, and Pedro Martinez.


"For the sport of it, let's quickly zip through the list, starting in 1995 after the players' strike through the Red Sox' victory in 2004, and see how many of those 10 teams have had a player implicated for performance-enhancing drug use at some point:"

All of them, including the Red Sox.

"So there you go. If the Sox' titles are tainted, then so is every single World Series in a 10-year stretch up until their victory. Especially the Yankees' last two championships."

Not especially the Yankees.  That's an ignorant stance.  It demonstrates that you have a personal agenda in this or a complete lack of perspective regarding what will be recorded as baseball's Steroid Era.