The Battle for New York!

While John Harper of the Daily News tries to convince you that the Mets really matter in this imaginary "Battle for New York," apparently the other writers at the same 'paper can't get on board.

Because they've got the Yankees winning 110 games and the Mets winning 84.

Yankees win the "Battle for New York" by 26 games. So much for your back page headline.

Theo Epstein makes a mistake.

Theo, don't ever apologize to Mike Lupica. Love means never having to say you're sorry.

'70s blaxploitation chick writes a baseball book.

"According to Aphrodite Jones, the author of her memoir-to-be that's tentatively titled 'Bonds Girl,' Bell spent nine years with Bonds and requested only $200,000 sometime after he ditched her on the eve of the BALCO mess."

Andy Capp goes to Washington.

"Joel Heitkamp grew increasingly angry as he shared a few cold ones with friends recently at a VFW post in Mantador, N.D., talking about the way Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa hemmed and hawed their way through a congressional hearing on steroids and baseball."


I knew it. The whole time, these congressional hearings are just the result of old farts sitting around, drinking a few beers, complaining about baseball and the good ol' days.

Couldn't leave it in the VFW, could you? Had to go and get Congress involved.

Not too concerned about more important stuff like Abu Ghraib, the cost of gas, social security, school shootings, kids skating on the sidewalk, the MTV and the VH1 and the rap videos, the overpriced buffet at Country Kitchen, the newfangled things on the cars that start the car without even turning the key? Let me tell you something, sonny boy. In my day, we had a crank and you got out of the car and you cranked it, even in the winter. The cars went 5 miles per hour ... and we liked it.

Don't you folks in North Dakota play hockey? Maybe you could get Congress involved in the NHL rather than MLB. Those those young whippersnappers to get back in the negotiating room.

What's with the NFL? With all the passing? In my day, it was ten yards and a cloud of dust. Good, hard-nosed football. I say we should pass a law that says only 20 forward passes per game. Me and the men at the VFW would appreciate it. What records were these guys breaking?

"Ray Nietschke." Now that was a football player. Hey, bartender, another round. This one's for Ray Nietschke.

You know what I'm gonna do, fellas? I'm gonna go to Congress tomorrow and I'm gonna propose a resolution. No more cleats in football. Bronco Nagurski didn't wear cleats and these prissy sumbitches shouldn't wear cleats, either!


"There's no hard proof that these guys used steroids, but in my gut I believe they did," Heitkamp said yesterday. "If the boys were on the juice, the record should go back to Roger Maris."

That's just terrific. I've got lots of hunches myself.

I've got a gut feeling that Pudge was juiced up when the Marlins beat the Yankees and Luis Gonzalez was juiced up when the Diamondbacks beat the Yankees. I want Congress to give the Yankees back those titles.

Of course, there's a problem with my theory: The Yankees had juiced up players, too.

Hmmm ... now this is getting complicated. Best thing to do, probably, is hire some special investigators, maybe get the CIA and the FBI involved.

True, Mark McGwire has never masterminded terrorist attacks against the United States, but somebody has to get this country's priorities straight. Somebody has to stand up for the Maris Family.

I'm nuts, you're nuts, everybody's nuts!

"If you aren't worried about what kind of shape Mo Rivera's right arm is going to be in by October, then you're nuts."

One year, Mariano Rivera will be ineffective. Or maybe he'll retire before he gets too old. When either of these events occur, Mike Lupica can finally say "I told ya so."

But the problem is, Lupica has been predicting Mariano Rivera doom and gloom every season for the past nine seasons. I'm not joking. Rivera was supposedly unable to handle the closer's role he inherited from Wetteland, supposedly unable to bounce back from faiure in '97 playoffs, supposedly unable to bounce back from failure in '01 playoffs, supposedly unable to rebound from all the innings, his strikeout ratio is down, he needs to develop another pitch, etc., etc., etc.

Lupica has been proven wrong every year, but if he keeps making the prediction, he will eventually be right.

I have no reason to think '05 won't be a typical Mariano season. A month on the DL, 45 saves, 5 blown saves, era under 2.00. When October rolls around, Mariano will be healthy ... and Lupica will put his dire prediction aside until the next year.

The Tino Myth.

Just don't bring up Tino's postseason batting average ... or why he couldn't will his team to victory vs. Arizona in '01:

"That's one reason Martinez remains a near-cult hero in New York. He's the link to a better time in Yankees history, despite three straight 100-win regular seasons since 2002. The Martinez-era Yankees weren't as gifted as the more recent editions, but they were the product of a different philosophy – better chemistry instead of just the biggest payroll."

Klapisch neatly summarizes the Ridiculous Notion that has become Legend.

I especially like the idea that the Martinez-era Yankees weren't as gifted as the more recent editions.

Let's quickly review the Martinez-era Yankees:

The '96 Yankees were an underdog team for sure with a relatively subpar pitching staff and a lame bullpen (other than Mariano, of course) that came through at the right time. (Ever notice how the '96 team is just sort of forgotten, obliterated in our collective memories by the '98 team?)

The '96 team wasn't all that gifted, I'll give Klapisch that much. But they also damn sure didn't have chemistry. Heck, Tino didn't even play in the playoffs too much that year. He was benched most of the World Series and, when he played, he hit a chemistry-reducing .091.

So how could they win with lesser talent and no chemistry? Happens all the time in baseball. Happens every day in baseball.

As for the '98 - '00 teams: Not gifted? Chemistry was more important than the high payroll?

I could list the players and the stats, but what's the point, really? While your starting pitchers are winning 20 games left and right and Mariano Rivera is your closer and everybody is hitting .300 with speed and power and a lot of walks ... Klapisch doesn't remember a particularly talented team. Just a team that tried harder.

This argument is a dead end. Those teams won because they were flat-out good. But if Klapisch insists on attributing their success to ethereal qualities such as "chemistry" rather than team batting average and team ERA, then I can't disprove the notion.

Klapisch has the burden of proof and he certainly hasn't proven his theory, but it's impossible to prove the contrary. Maybe they won because of chemistry, maybe they won because of the Ghost of Babe Ruth, maybe they won because of Joe Torre, maybe they won because I was watching the games while wearing my lucky underwear.

It is really a case study in the difference between coincidence and correlation. The Yankees won while Tino was on their team; they didn't necessarily win because he was on their team.

Tino should be able to help the '05 Yankees because he's still a good player. But if they're truly expecting his mere presence to magically create those eleven wins in October ... then ... then ... well, then they just don't understand anything. I'm sorry, but you don't. None of you do. You're all wrong.


"The Yankees would gladly take 20-something home runs this summer – not to mention a nostalgia rush, too, back to the days when the Bombers spent less and won more."

That's a neat trick right there. Is he seriously trying to re-imagine the '98 Yankees as a low-budget, homegrown, gritty bunch of overachieving underdogs?

For an entire four years, the Yankees have not managed to get the job done in October (yes, it's so torturous being a Yankee fan, isn't it?).

But the Torre-era Dynasty spent so much money on payroll that baseball literally felt compelled to rewrites its rules.

Brian Johnson breaks ranks.

It's amazing to me that sportswriters (such as Mike Vaccaro) would root for Bonds to retire. You're a reporter and he makes your job easier because he provides a lot of stories.

If I was a fan of the LA Dodgers, I might selfishly root for Bonds to retire. If I was a sports reporter, I'd be looking for, you know, stuff. Stuff I could report on.

Sticks and stones may break my bones ...

... but only Javy Vazquez can really hurt me.

Of course this is a stupid idea by a bunch of naive kids who confuse fan animosity with player animosity.

Read the news. Yankee fans and Red Sox fans alike have a lot more to worry about than teasing.

But this response by a grown man demonstrates, once again, that sportswriting is quite often nothing more than glorified playground taunting:

"Hey, Yankee fans. You lost. Deal with it. We’re awfully sorry some of you have had to suffer through five whole months of verbal torture, the very same Red Sox Nation received from your side for the better part of 86 years. You sure could dish it out when the time was right.

We all know someone or have encountered, at one time or another through our lives, similar Yankee fans. These young Red Sox fans in Acton probably got the same kinds of comments from their Yankee fan classmates prior to the New York collapse. And it is only a problem now? Nice try folks."

So you're against the pregame handshake because ... you want this obnoxious behavior to continue? So you can feel more in touch with the Zeitgeist when you talk trash on your blog? Because you don't want to let obnoxious Yankee fans off that easily?

Do two wrongs make a right?

A pregame handshake is ineffectual and stupid, but I fail to see how it pushes a pro-Yankee agenda. I think Eric Wilbur should get together with that Caple guy at ESPN and ... after exchanging horror stories about obnoxious Yankee fans ... maybe they should both "get over it."

I don't even know why trash talk bothers any fans of any team. Believe me, none of the "verbal torture" that Eric Wilbur can "dish out" can hurt more than losing Game Seven.

#756 is for you, pal.

If writers like Vaccaro are so sick and tired of Bonds, maybe they should stop writing about him.

Nomar Garciaparra is hitting purt near .500 this spring. That could be an interesting story. True, it's only spring training and it doesn't mean much. But it's probably more interesting than another solipsistic diatribe where a sportwriter whines about how much Bonds whines.

Oh, I've got another newsflash: Barry Bonds is not going to retire anytime soon.

Lupica rewrites his book.

Maris is number one in Lupica's book? Good thing I didn't read this book, because it might confuse me.


The sentiment expressed in Lupica's article is certainly not unique. I'd say that most baseball fans still think Maris has the "real" single-season HR record. Which is precisely why it's unnecessary to officially rewrite the record books.

The beauty of the record book is that it's not negotiable, it's not judgemental. Hank Aaron has the most homeruns in a career, but most baseball fans and historians still consider Babe Ruth the "greatest" homerun hitter in baseball history.

Some might consider the "unfair" right field porch at Yankee Stadium and make a case for Jimmie Foxx. Or prorate for time lost to the military and make a case for Willie Mays and Ted Williams. Or maybe you think it's all about the ballpark and you think Willie McCovey was actually a better homerun hitter than Hank Aaron. You're nuts, but at least you're thinking out of the box.

A record book is not the final word by any means. It's just fodder for a never-ending discussion. It has always been that way, especially in the wacky world of Baseball Nostalgia.


"You know how it can send a message? Convene an emergency session of the Veterans Committee and put Roger Maris into the Hall of Fame this week. Make this the message: The last magic number in baseball is still 61, and it still belongs to him."

Bunning was less precise, but he said he wants to remove all the steroids-enhanced records. Of course, he doesn't mean that. Bunning really means just two records: The single-season HR record and the career HR record.

Nobody seems to care about the integrity of pitching records or stolen base records, do they? Nobody cares about low-profile records, do they?

I wonder if Jim Bunning wants to call a special Congressional hearing to determine if Kevin Elster was taking steroids in 1996 and, if so, should we go back and give the AL West title to Seattle?

Was Darin Erstad juiced up when he led the league in hits in 2000? It's suspicious in my book. While Congress convenes to defend the legacy of Aaron and Ruth, can't they form a li'l ol' Blue Ribbon Committee to help restore Johnny Damon's small claim to fame in the baseball record book?

Oh, now I'm just being silly. That would be silly to get Congress involved in something so unimportant, wouldn't it? They're Congress. They must have better things to do!

The other obvious problem here is that Lupica et al are ready to officially declare Bonds & McGwire & Sosa guilty, when their guilt has not been proven. The Court of Public Opinion is an entirely different thing. In the Court of Public Opinion, the burden of proof is less, ummm, burdensome. But if you're going to officially remove records, you'd better have better proof. Because if Lupica's going after Bonds & McGwire & Sosa based on his own personal opinion, then nobody is safe.

If you want to have integrity, you can't have halfway integrity. That's not what integrity is. If Lupica insists on condemning the big-name suspicious sluggers based on his own personal observations, then I hope he has the time and energy to go after Chuck Carr's 58 stolen bases in 1993 and Mike Hampton's 22 wins in 1999.

If Bunning is so offended by cheating, he'd better get Gaylord Perry out of the HOF right now and also go after every player who corked a bat or stole a sign. You know how much of the baseball record book you're left with? The entire MLB record book wouldn't vanish, but it would have more cross-outs than your NCAA bracket.

One more question: Is it only good records that are stricken? That is to say, if Anthony Young took steroids, does he get to wipe out his 1-16 season? Just wonderin'. I'm sure Senator Bunning isn't losing too much sleep over it. He's got a country to run!


I wasn't alive when Maris hit 61, but I know enough to know Lupica's representation of the occasion are misleading at best:

"He hit 61 in 1961, and passed Ruth and now he was the all-time single-season home run king in baseball, even though a dim-bulb baseball commissioner named Ford Frick tried to put an asterisk next to that number, as though Ruth were still the king."

In Frick's defense, nobody gave Maris credit in 1961, least of all Lupica's predecessors in the world of Vulture Sportswriting.

1961 was the first season where the schedule expanded to 162 games and most people felt the HR record would only be legit if Maris broke the record in 154 games. It wasn't just Frick, it was just about everybody. Even Maris' teammates and even Maris himself.

While pursuing Ruth, Maris was treated like crud by the press, and Maris was run out of town on a rail a few years later.

I don't hold Lupica responsible for the mistreatment of Maris. I just find the newfound Maris worship quite ironic. Too bad the writers wouldn't give him credit in '61.


In Lupica's book, Maris is still the single-season HR record-holder. That's fine. It's not completely unreasonable.

In my book, it's Bonds. In someones else's book, it's Ruth. Maybe for somebody else, it's really George Foster's 1977 or Ken Griffey's 1997.

Everybody has a different book, and their book can change all the time. Lupica knows this better than anybody. Lupica's mind is not exactly tormented by the hobgoblins of consistency.

But that's precisely why the record book should be left alone. The official record book is the one book that should not have any asterisks.

Rick Ankiel looks to follow Babe Ruth's footsteps.

Phil Pepe just compared Rick Ankiel to Stan Musial and Babe Ruth.

I love Phil Pepe.

Demented Senator Takes Trip Down Memory Lane.

"Bunning proclaimed himself 'old-fashioned,' recalling that in his day 'players didn't get any better as they got older. When I played with Henry Aaron and Willie Mays and Ted Williams, they didn't put on 40 pounds of bulk in their careers, and they didn't hit more homers in their late 30s than they did in their late 20s. What's happening now in baseball isn't natural and it isn't right,' said Bunning, who further advocated that all steroid-induced records be wiped from the record books."

Yeah, and in his day, the hockey players had names you could pronounce and didn't wear helmets. The basketball players wore respectable shorts, didn't dunk the ball, and didn't listen to the hippity-hop music. Since we're talking about steroids, did anybody notice that Dick Butkus was smaller than Peyton Manning?

I've heard it before, Pops. Uphill both ways, barefoot in the snow. No need to drag the commissioner of baseball to DC to listen to this nostalgia. Save it for your Sunday bridge game at the Elk's Lodge.

Bunning reveals his hand right away. When he talks about "what's going on" in baseball, he's not talking about steroids, he's not talking about MLB in general. He's talking about Barry Bonds chasing Hank Aaron.

That's why we're all here, wasting our time in the hallowed halls of Congress. The Congressmen of our country have decided to take their Hot Stove League public, at taxpayer's expense, while they still don't have an exit strategy in Iraq.

Most of the baseball fans in this country will refuse to give Bonds credit when he passes Ruth and Aaron. While the record book will probably never have an asterisk, most baseball fans will give Bonds an unofficial asterisk.

I personally disagree with this reasoning, but that's just my personal opinion. I realize my opinion is the minority opinion (what else is new?). While I think that steroids have helped Bonds hit a lot of homeruns, I also think the effects of steroids on his hr total have been wildly exaggerated.

So that's my opinion. It is different than the opinion of Jim Bunning. But I didn't call a freakin' Congressional hearing so the world can hear my stupid opinion regarding the stupid hr record. Sheesh.

Nolan Ryan, Roger Clemens, and Barry Bonds have had great careers following their 35th birthday. Who else? I can't think of a single other baseball player who cranked up their career for an extended period of time following their 35th birthday.

I'm probably missing somebody who got better in their 30s, but steroids don't have such a great track record.

Did Jose Canseco get better in his 30s? Has Jason Giambi gotten better in his 30s? Did Ken Caminiti?

Spastic Colon.

Somebody please give this guy a day off.

"I think I did work out too much last spring and this year, because of that experience, I know how to pace myself," Matsui said through translator Noz Matsomoto. "I know how important it is to rest my body. In Japan, the whole team gets days off. Over here, you have to pace yourself, you have to communicate what your fatigue level is. This past year, I've experienced how important it is to get a day off and how grateful it is to actually get a day off. Now I know that on a day off, it's not a day for me to do extra work."

Get a life.

Even Red Sox fans think this guy is an embarrassment.

My favorite part:

"Believe me, I know -- I get a lot of hate mail from Yankees fans because of my columns. I don't pay much attention to it, at least not until it builds up every month or so and I have to hire a crew to move the piles blocking my car in the garage."

Yeah, Caple pays so little attention to hate mail from Yankees fans that he writes an entire book about it.


The content of Caple's column (and, presumably, his entire book) is so off-the-mark and so unintelligent, that I won't even bother pointing outs its inaccuracies point by point. It's safe to say that each and every observation he makes about Yankee fans and sports in general is exactly the opposite of my experiences as a fan. For example:

• I'm not in it to talk trash.
• I understand 100% why people all over the world "hate" the Yankees. I also understand why Yankee-Hating puts so much money in Steinbrenner's pocket.
• I enjoy both the "destination" and the "journey." By the way, when the Yankees have won the World Series in my lifetime, the "journey" has been quite exciting, thank you very much.
• I don't exactly know why I sleep more soundly if I stay up until 1:30 am to hear the final out in a victory over Seattle, but please don't tell me that I don't savor every victory.
• I can respect a fan of any team as long as they come correct.

Caple just doesn't know his ball. I could sit in a bar with Red Sox fans on my left and Mets fans on my right and we're not going to talk trash. We're going to talk lefty-righty splits and RISP BA and whether or not Nomar and Sosa and Kevin Brown can rebound. Caple will give us a blank stare and say, "ARod's a wussy."

My guess is that Caple's views are skewed because of his own psychological problems and because of all the hate mail he receives from Yankee fans (though I think it's also safe to say that Yankee fans don't have a monopoly on obnoxious behavior). It would be sort of like judging Typical Fans by listening to sports radio. Think about it. These are people who wait on hold for 90 minutes to tell Joe Benigno that Shawn Estes is going to win the NL Cy Young now that he's pitching at Shea.

Caple is bringing nothing to the table besides a 240-page "Yankees Suck." I could read that on the bathroom wall at Fenway. He's criticizing the vulgarity of Yankee fans, but he's not elevating the discussion one bit. Caple's not part of the solution, he's part of the problem.

Seriously, dude, see a therapist. You seem to be obsessing about Yankee fans a little too much. You're not hurting them, you're only hurting yourself.

Hand of God bitch-slaps Miguel Angel Rivera.

"I was thanking God I could walk and talk,'' Jackson told the newspaper for Monday's editions. "I figure the hand of God was with me. I spent the rest of the evening trying to figure out how I wasn't paralyzed. God had a hand on my shoulder, that's why I was saved.''

...

... the driver of the other SUV, Miguel Angel Rivera, was in critical condition.

The Cap'n Greenlights Steroid Use.

I get the feeling that if Derek Jeter said "Jump," Sam Borden would say, "How high?"

When Jeter defends Giambi, it's a sign of Jeter's leadership skills. When Jeter refuses to defend ARod, it's also a sign of Jeter's leadership skills.

Steroids are bad, Jason Giambi is bad ... aren't they? What is President Bush and Everybody Else so outraged about? Aren't we supposed to Save the Yankees and the Youth of America by kicking Jason Giambi off the team?

Is it suddenly okay to welcome Giambi back just because Jeter tells us it's okay?

Jeter's a leader, alright. He's leading all the writers around by the nose.

Jayson Stark explores the Interconnectedness of Life.

During the Devonian era, the first life forms occupied land on Earth. Four hundred million years later, the Red Sox won the World Series. Those tetrapods and terrestrial arthropods Changed The World, man.

There is a huge black hole right in the middle of Stark's theory: "Once you stop and think about it, though, it becomes clear that maybe none of what's happened in the past year would have been possible had it not been for Aaron Boone, The Man Who Changed The World."

Why?

I'm stopping.

I'm thinking about it.

It is still not clear.

Explain to me why the Red Sox could not have possibly won the World Series if Aaron Boone had remained on the Yankees.