The Yankees are not underdogs vs. the Mets this weekend.
The supposedly vastly superior Mets are only, like, a whole two games up on the Yankees in the standings. If for no other reason, the Yankees are favorites just because of the way the pitching rotation broke.
What do the pitching matchups mean? Perhaps nothing. The Pirates beat Contreras and the White Sox yesterday.
But there is absolutely no reason to think the Yankees shouldn't expect to win 2/3 vs. the Mets at Yankee Stadium. If they don't expect to win, pack it up and call off the 2006 season already.
I've never seen so much pointless and transparent reverse psychology in my life.
As for John Flaherty's analysis:
"The whole key to containing the Mets lineup is keeping Jose Reyes off the bases."
Of course.
I'd also say the key to beating the Red Sox is Mark Loretta. He determines whether Ortiz his a two-run homerun or a solo homerun. He is the Gatekeeper.
"With how well he's swinging the bat right now, that's not going to be an easy thing to do."
I think Reyes managed one bunt hit in three games at Fenway. If "right now" is right now, then he's not swinging the bat too well. If "right now" is mid-June, then he's swinging the bat well. If "right now" is his career in the majors, then he's not swinging the bat too well.
"Offensively, the Mets have such a talented group. They have speed, they have situational hitting, they have power — they have it all. If you can keep the guys from atop the order off the bases, when the power hitters come up there, they're not going to hit three-run homers. Maybe they'll do minimal damage."
Floyd is out of the lineup this weekend. Delgado may be out of the lineup this weekend.
If the lineup included Floyd and Delgado, thet the Met lineup is standard issue when compared to the American League teams the Yankees face every day. Without Floyd and Delgado, the Met lineup is no better than the Twins.
For me, it's downright disheartening to hear Joe Torre lie like a lying liar just to take the pressure off of his ballclub.
Felz won't fall for this con job:
"At that time (the World Series) they were underdogs, not much was expected of them. Now I think they're wearing the hat of the favorite."
I really hope somebody asked him about the 2000 World Series and that is the only reason he is bringing it up.
The 2000 World Series? Is there one single player on the Mets in 2006 who was on the Mets during the 2000 World Series?
Joe, do you think Benny Agbayani is a better pinch hitter than Jose Canseco? Just wondering, because I'm trying to determine who's the favorite this weekend when you play the Mets.
"Not to put pressure on Willie, but he's dealing with it anyway. If you look around that lineup, they're pretty (darn) good."
Okay, I get it, you sly dog.
You say you're not putting pressure on Willie and ... at the same time ... you're actually putting pressure on Willie!
If the Mets can't win 2/3 at Yankee Stadium, then they failed. But if the Yankees can squeeze out one victory and stay within 5 games of Boston (considering all the injuries the Yankees have), then that's not too shabby.
Since the Mets are so great and the Yankees are so injured. (Not to use injuries as an excuse, but I bring them up every day and, when we finish in third place in the AL East this year, I'll bring up injuries as the main reason.)
Steinbrenner, get down here on the double.
I want Steinbrenner in the owner's box with the Sword of Damocles hanging over Torre's head.
No pressure? I'll show you pressure. Take 2/3 or you're fired.
"They can punish you up and down their lineup. (David) Wright's a special player, we all know what (Carlos) Delgado is about. (Carlos) Beltran is right in the middle of it and (Jose) Reyes has given them a huge dimension. There's no soft spot in that lineup."
"There's no soft spot in the Mets lineup." Yeah, right. Very convincing.
Hmmm ... you named three or four players, but you really have no idea who Endy Chavez is, do you? Tell the truth.
You get past Wright and you're home free. Julio Franco is the DH instead of David Ortiz or Jim Thome and you're telling me there's no soft spot.
Torre, I understand what you're trying to do, but I still can't stand this nonsense. If you keep insisting that your team is the underdog, they might start believing you.
Friday, June 30, 2006
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Slow News Day with Michael Kay.
"Hi Mike,
My wife and I are Yankee fans and, like most Yankee fans, watch the games on YES. A couple of weeks ago we observed something and saw the same thing during last Monday night's game against Atlanta. A couple of weeks ago, after a Jason Giambi home run, my wife observed "How come A-Rod isn't congratulating Giambi like the rest of the guys?" A-Rod was behind the plate taking practice swings during the high-fives. I thought nothing of it, thinking that A-Rod was just preparing for his at-bat. On Monday night, we both observed the same thing, on both of Giambi's home runs! Jason Giambi seems like a good guy and most of the guys on the team seem like they like him. Is there a little friction with A-Rod there?
Ralph C.— Poughkeepsie, N.Y."
Sheesh, Ralph C., that's what you get for watching the games with your wife."Why didn't ARod hug Giambi when he hit a homerun? Don't they like each other? Not 'like' like, but just 'like.' Oh, you know what I mean. Does this dress make me look fat?'"
At least Michael Kay may be able to provide some insider insight:
"Hi Ralph,
I actually think A-Rod and Giambi like each other and get along very well. I assume A-Rod is simply locked in to his upcoming at-bat, but I will ask him what the deal is and relay the information on one of the upcoming games."
Hi Michael,
Why don't you first ask Alex Rodriguez and then print the answer in this column? Thanks for nothing.
"Hello Michael,
I watch every game and even score them in my own crazy way. I love those boys to the point that when they lose it actually hurts. Anyway enough about my nonsense, here is my question: Skippy, how old is he? Does he play ball? And if so, does he have the desire to be a MLB player in the future?
Danielle Dawson — Santa Cruz, Calif."
Wow. A chick who watches the games is in love with the ballboy.
At least Michael Kay can provide insider access to the ballboy, since ARod and Giambi were seemingly unavailable:
"Hello Danielle,
I think Skippy is in college, and I am not sure if he plays ball in school. I will make it a point to ask him and pass it along on one of the broadcasts."
Let me explain how Q&A works. First, the question is posed. Then, the research is conducted. Then, the question is answered.
That's all.
You either the question or you do not. You don't say, "I will answer the question in the future."
Paraphrasing another question, "Will the Yankees trade their prospects?"
Kay answers: "I can't see them trading away the Canós, the Wangs or the Hughes to bring in a veteran that might help them this year."
For one thing, stop treating people as objects. Try this clean alternative: "I can't see them trading away Cano, Wang, or Hughes."
Secondly, why is Cano a plural, Wang a plural, and then Hughes a singular? "The Hughes."
"I am The Hughes. I am The Singularity. You Must Not Trade The Hughes."
Grammar aside, I actually agree with Michael Kay. Because you can never have too many Canos, Wangs, or Hugheseses.
DO NOT PANIC!!!
For years, while the Yankees cranked out 100-win seasons, more or less, I was supposed to get worried if they lost two out of three to the Angels or if Jeff Weaver tanked a game in July.
It's actually refreshing to see the Mets get the same treatment:
"But this 10-2 loss is not an isolated incident. After starting 5-0, when he probably should have started 9-0, he finds himself now at 7-4, without a truly signature Pedro Martinez start since that zero-zero duel with Brandon Webb exactly 30 days ago.
Is he hurt? Is he aching? Is he ailing? Is he aging? Is he all of the above? Is he none of the above?"
Pedro is 7-4, 3.45 ERA with 111 strikeouts.
The Mets are 12 games up.
Concern? There is no reason to even use that word.
The Mets shouldn't have a lot to worry about between here and October.
Or, as Mike Vaccaro puts it:
"They shouldn't have a lot to worry about between here and October."
It's actually refreshing to see the Mets get the same treatment:
"But this 10-2 loss is not an isolated incident. After starting 5-0, when he probably should have started 9-0, he finds himself now at 7-4, without a truly signature Pedro Martinez start since that zero-zero duel with Brandon Webb exactly 30 days ago.
Is he hurt? Is he aching? Is he ailing? Is he aging? Is he all of the above? Is he none of the above?"
Pedro is 7-4, 3.45 ERA with 111 strikeouts.
The Mets are 12 games up.
Concern? There is no reason to even use that word.
The Mets shouldn't have a lot to worry about between here and October.
Or, as Mike Vaccaro puts it:
"They shouldn't have a lot to worry about between here and October."
Sunday, June 25, 2006
I detect a pattern.
Mets Good:
"There are always going to be games when Billy Wagner looks whacked out on adrenaline. He is probably always going to blow more saves than he should. But I love his heart and I love his arm and I love the way he gets back up every time he gets knocked back down."
Yankees Bad:
"Is the other team supposed to have this many guys on base when Kyle Farnsworth is pitching the 8th?"
But you love Fransworth's heart and you love Fransworth's arm and you love the way Farnsworth gets back up every time he gets knocked back down?
No?
Hmmmm ... that's very interesting.
I think there is a sportswriter in a New York paper who just hates the Yankees:
"Who would you really rather have in the middle of your lineup, Manny and Papi Ortiz or A-Rod and Giambi?"
Manny and Ortiz. But it's close.
Who would you really rather have in the middle of your lineup, Rolen and Pujols or Delgado and Wright?
Rolen and Pujols. It's not even close.
But what's your point? There is no point.
Is your point that the Red Sox are better than the Yankees? Yes, the Red Sox are better than the Yankees.
You want to provide some insight as to why the Yankees are in danger of missing the playoffs this year? It's sure not because of Giambi or ARod.
"By the way, is there some way, short of an Act of Congress, to get Yankee announcers to stop calling A-Rod a 'great' third baseman? He's a great hitter, not a great third baseman, for all the props we give him about changing positions.
Which wasn't exactly a sacrament, either.
The only way he came here was to make the switch from short to third, and if he hadn't agreed to it, he was staying in Texas."
ARod is a great fielding third baseman. Probably the second-best fielding third baseman in the AL.
I know ARod's 2006 season hasn't been as good as his 2005 MVP season, in the field or at the plate.
On the other hand, most of his eleven "errors" are because Cano is late covering the bag or because Phillips can't scoop a ball he should have caught.
Oh, and watch that play ARod made in Philly the other night. Yankees lost, anyway, but did you see that play? It was even late and close with runners in scoring position. So ARod is clutch in the field.
We all understand that ARod moved to third base so he could get out of Texas and come to New York. Right after he won two straight gold gloves at shorstop.
Is this the behavior of a selfish ballplayer? Or would a selfish ballplayer just stay in Texas, ensuring more gold gloves at shortstop and a quicker route to 800 homeruns?
In Lupica Land, Yankees are always Bad. Because they're Yankees. Ipso facto and quod erat demonstrandum.
Consider the source.
A year ago, Lupica also thought ARod was moving to first base and, as soon as Lupica said it, ARod had, like, a 100-game errorless streak.
In the very same article, Lupica says that "if Jason Giambi is going to be on the team, he is nothing more than a part-time DH and part-time first baseman."
Bzzzzzzt. Wrong answer.
In Lupica's world, Mets are Good and Yankees are Bad.
As David Wright and Tom Glavine make their cases for 2006 MVP and Cy Young, Lupica will not point out that the "Mets would have made the playoffs without David Wright" or that Tom Glavine had too much run support.
These are illogical contrivances reserved for Yankees.
"There are always going to be games when Billy Wagner looks whacked out on adrenaline. He is probably always going to blow more saves than he should. But I love his heart and I love his arm and I love the way he gets back up every time he gets knocked back down."
Yankees Bad:
"Is the other team supposed to have this many guys on base when Kyle Farnsworth is pitching the 8th?"
But you love Fransworth's heart and you love Fransworth's arm and you love the way Farnsworth gets back up every time he gets knocked back down?
No?
Hmmmm ... that's very interesting.
I think there is a sportswriter in a New York paper who just hates the Yankees:
"Who would you really rather have in the middle of your lineup, Manny and Papi Ortiz or A-Rod and Giambi?"
Manny and Ortiz. But it's close.
Who would you really rather have in the middle of your lineup, Rolen and Pujols or Delgado and Wright?
Rolen and Pujols. It's not even close.
But what's your point? There is no point.
Is your point that the Red Sox are better than the Yankees? Yes, the Red Sox are better than the Yankees.
You want to provide some insight as to why the Yankees are in danger of missing the playoffs this year? It's sure not because of Giambi or ARod.
"By the way, is there some way, short of an Act of Congress, to get Yankee announcers to stop calling A-Rod a 'great' third baseman? He's a great hitter, not a great third baseman, for all the props we give him about changing positions.
Which wasn't exactly a sacrament, either.
The only way he came here was to make the switch from short to third, and if he hadn't agreed to it, he was staying in Texas."
ARod is a great fielding third baseman. Probably the second-best fielding third baseman in the AL.
I know ARod's 2006 season hasn't been as good as his 2005 MVP season, in the field or at the plate.
On the other hand, most of his eleven "errors" are because Cano is late covering the bag or because Phillips can't scoop a ball he should have caught.
Oh, and watch that play ARod made in Philly the other night. Yankees lost, anyway, but did you see that play? It was even late and close with runners in scoring position. So ARod is clutch in the field.
We all understand that ARod moved to third base so he could get out of Texas and come to New York. Right after he won two straight gold gloves at shorstop.
Is this the behavior of a selfish ballplayer? Or would a selfish ballplayer just stay in Texas, ensuring more gold gloves at shortstop and a quicker route to 800 homeruns?
In Lupica Land, Yankees are always Bad. Because they're Yankees. Ipso facto and quod erat demonstrandum.
Consider the source.
A year ago, Lupica also thought ARod was moving to first base and, as soon as Lupica said it, ARod had, like, a 100-game errorless streak.
In the very same article, Lupica says that "if Jason Giambi is going to be on the team, he is nothing more than a part-time DH and part-time first baseman."
Bzzzzzzt. Wrong answer.
In Lupica's world, Mets are Good and Yankees are Bad.
As David Wright and Tom Glavine make their cases for 2006 MVP and Cy Young, Lupica will not point out that the "Mets would have made the playoffs without David Wright" or that Tom Glavine had too much run support.
These are illogical contrivances reserved for Yankees.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Poor Chris Turner.
Hidden in this preview is a small, but telling, error:
"... Marlins manager Joe Girardi, the Yankees bench coach last season who also played on four New York world championship teams ..."
I really don't quite know why some players are remembered and some are forgotten. Not Chris Turner so much. I wouldn't necessarily expect Yankee fans to remember Chris Turner. But I'd still expect the Associated Press to know Joe Girardi was gone by 2000 and got three rings with the Yankees, not four.
Give you another example:
You remember the 1998 Yankees, don't you? 125-50 and all that. Ruined baseball's competitiveness forever, Knoblauch pointed at the ball, Brosius hit those hrs in the World Series.
Of course you remember!
You also wistfully remember the bullpen. The good ol' days. Nelson, Stanton, Mendoza, Rivera.
Which righthanded setup man pitched the most innings that year? Nope. It was Darren Holmes.
"... Marlins manager Joe Girardi, the Yankees bench coach last season who also played on four New York world championship teams ..."
I really don't quite know why some players are remembered and some are forgotten. Not Chris Turner so much. I wouldn't necessarily expect Yankee fans to remember Chris Turner. But I'd still expect the Associated Press to know Joe Girardi was gone by 2000 and got three rings with the Yankees, not four.
Give you another example:
You remember the 1998 Yankees, don't you? 125-50 and all that. Ruined baseball's competitiveness forever, Knoblauch pointed at the ball, Brosius hit those hrs in the World Series.
Of course you remember!
You also wistfully remember the bullpen. The good ol' days. Nelson, Stanton, Mendoza, Rivera.
Which righthanded setup man pitched the most innings that year? Nope. It was Darren Holmes.
Ron Darling, Esq.
Question: "Mr. Ron Darling, baseball wise, this question has been bugging me, and I think you would be the one to answer it. What kind of a pitch is a 'slurve'? This pitch keeps popping up in my baseball video game, and I'm not quite sure what it is."
Answer: "Hey Bernie you ask a very important question."
I was just in the middle of figuring out that whole cold fusion thing which would provide a limitless energy source and thereby transform the global geo-political landscape and reverse global warming. It's important enough. But your question about the slurve pitch in your video game is very important.
Question: "Ron, what is the best nickname for Lastings Milladge? I came up with: Blastings Milladge and Lastins Thrilladge -- any thoughts?-Dave Gordon, North Arlington, NJ"
It's Milledge, not "Milladge," you dork.
You spent all this time coming up with nicknames for your favorite player (really hilarious nicknames, by the way), and you don't even know how to spell the freakin' name.
Answer: "I am very hesitant about giving nicknames to rookies, especially in this town. You cannot call him the Thrill because that has had its place ... Will Clark of the SF Giants. There is only one LT in this town. How about having fun with his last name and call him the Badge -- when he's in a ballgame order is restored. Kind of weak on my part Dave, but I have full confidence that you will be enlightened with the proper nickname for LM."
Ron Darling, did you seriously just call him "the Badge" because it rhymes with "Milladge"?
You're right about one thing. That is kind of weak on your part.
Answer: "Hey Bernie you ask a very important question."
I was just in the middle of figuring out that whole cold fusion thing which would provide a limitless energy source and thereby transform the global geo-political landscape and reverse global warming. It's important enough. But your question about the slurve pitch in your video game is very important.
Question: "Ron, what is the best nickname for Lastings Milladge? I came up with: Blastings Milladge and Lastins Thrilladge -- any thoughts?-Dave Gordon, North Arlington, NJ"
It's Milledge, not "Milladge," you dork.
You spent all this time coming up with nicknames for your favorite player (really hilarious nicknames, by the way), and you don't even know how to spell the freakin' name.
Answer: "I am very hesitant about giving nicknames to rookies, especially in this town. You cannot call him the Thrill because that has had its place ... Will Clark of the SF Giants. There is only one LT in this town. How about having fun with his last name and call him the Badge -- when he's in a ballgame order is restored. Kind of weak on my part Dave, but I have full confidence that you will be enlightened with the proper nickname for LM."
Ron Darling, did you seriously just call him "the Badge" because it rhymes with "Milladge"?
You're right about one thing. That is kind of weak on your part.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Ted Ferguson, Bud Light Daredevil ...
... attempts to read a column by Hal Bodley and can't make it past the first sentence:
"Curt Schilling, as usual, has it right:"
What?!?!
"Joe Torre should be manager of the year."
WHAT?!?!
"Curt Schilling, as usual, has it right:"
What?!?!
"Joe Torre should be manager of the year."
WHAT?!?!
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Sunday, June 18, 2006
To all the fathers in Washington, D.C. ...
... Happy Father's Day, from Joe Torre!
Now, look, I know it's not all Joe Torre's fault. I also know the last two losses largely stemmed from Shawn Maricon's inability to get through the fifth when he was given nine runs to work with.
But if I were to say Torre mismanaged the bullpen the last two games, that would be giving Torre too much credit. In order to mis-manage the bullpen, one first has to actually manage the bullpen.
I also know today's options were limited, given the injuries and overuse. I also know Wang is a good bet to get a game-ending double play (undoubtedly, the first words out of Torre's mouth in the post-mortem recap).
But I saw the warning signs in the eighth inning. Only two walks of the whole game and a game-winning hit stolen by Cabrera.
Did you see the warning signs? Betcha did. Did everybody not named Joe Torre? I think so.
Oh, but at least today's game wasn't as bad as it can get. That was yesterday's game. Today's game was fun times.
Now, look, I know it's not all Joe Torre's fault. I also know the last two losses largely stemmed from Shawn Maricon's inability to get through the fifth when he was given nine runs to work with.
But if I were to say Torre mismanaged the bullpen the last two games, that would be giving Torre too much credit. In order to mis-manage the bullpen, one first has to actually manage the bullpen.
I also know today's options were limited, given the injuries and overuse. I also know Wang is a good bet to get a game-ending double play (undoubtedly, the first words out of Torre's mouth in the post-mortem recap).
But I saw the warning signs in the eighth inning. Only two walks of the whole game and a game-winning hit stolen by Cabrera.
Did you see the warning signs? Betcha did. Did everybody not named Joe Torre? I think so.
Oh, but at least today's game wasn't as bad as it can get. That was yesterday's game. Today's game was fun times.
Sweeney the Devil Rays Guy.
"Sweeney the Yankee Guy, and he is as much a Yankee guy as I know, says he would rather lose without A-Rod than win with him."
Let me start by pointing out that Sweeney the Yankee Guy is not Sweeny Murti. But Sweeny Murti was naturally the first person I thought of. Some clarification is probably appropriate, since most Yankee fans are familiar with Sweeny Murti.
I also don't really have any confidence that Sweeney the Yankee Guy really exists. Lupica seems to have a long list of friends and cohorts who conveniently pipe up with appropriate observations at appropriate times. Sort of like all the guys Lupica knows who were Tony Womack fans. Or the Red Sox fans who Lupica knows who rooted for Jeter in the World Baseball Classic. Most Red Sox fans I know would probably encourage Jeter to go for a motorcycle ride without a helmet.
I don't doubt that there are some fans like Sweeney the Yankee Guy. So, for the sake of this rant, let's assume Lupica really knows a self-proclaimed Yankee fan who'd rather see the Yankees lose without ARod than win with ARod.
Let me take a wild guess: Sweeney the Yankee Fan Diehard is one of the clowns who is booing ARod right now. Sweeney also hated the Clemens trade. Sweeney also booed Giambi a year ago. Sweeney also booed Tino. Sweeney also booed Girardi for replacing Stanley and then booed Posada for replacing Girardi.
Do me a favor, Sweeney the Yankee Guy: Get out of Yankee Stadium and stay out. True Yankee fans don't need you there. You stink up the joint.
Maybe Sweeney always thought he was a hardcore fan, but now he ought to realize he never was. The whole time, he was just a conditional fan. He roots for the Yankees depending on which players are on the Yankees.
You're the most faithful guy in the world except for that one time you cheated on your wife.
You're the most honest guy in the world except for a few grand on your income tax return.
Nothing wrong with rooting against the Yankees. It's a free country. But you should have enough integrity to correctly identify yourself. You are not a Yankee fan.
You can choose from plenty of teams that are losing without Alex Rodriguez. Sweeney should root for the Devil Rays. They fit the Sweeney criteria.
A Yankee fan never starts a thought with, "I'd rather see the Yankees lose ..."
I am trying to imagine scenarios where I'd root for the Yankees to lose.
I. Yankees are guaranteed a playoff spot but the choice is 3rd-best division winner or wild card winner. Then maybe I'd choose the Yankees to lose because I prefer the wild card opponent.
But you know what? Even that's thinking way too hard.
Last year, after 161 games, the Yankees clinched the division title. Rather than press for one more game and try to get home field advantage over the Angels, Torre decided to tank the game.
Unclear if the paying customers got refunds.
II. The Pope is kidnapped by anti-Catholic radicals and threatened with death if the Yankees win.
Well, this may require some negotiation.
If the Yankees have clinched the best record in the league and it's late September, then I'd be willing to trade that game for a human life.
If Shawn Chacon is pitching against the White Sox, then you know what? The Yankees will likely lose, anyway. Though it pains me to do so, it might be worthwhile to forfeit the game and save the bullpen.
But if the Yankees are still in the pennant race or it's a game vs. an AL East team? Well, sorry about that, your Popeness.
Seriously, is Pope Benedict XVII going to be that much different than Pope Benedict XVI?
One more observation for Sweeney the Yankee Guy. You want to see the Yankee lose without ARod? You're one pulled hamstring away from seeing it.
But no complaining if ARod gets hurt and the Yankees end up in third place.
That would be awesome, wouldn't it? Because you're such a hardcore Yankee fan. You're the biggest Yankee fan Lupica knows. You're Sweeney the Fraudulent Punk. I mean, Sweeney the Yankee Guy.
Let me start by pointing out that Sweeney the Yankee Guy is not Sweeny Murti. But Sweeny Murti was naturally the first person I thought of. Some clarification is probably appropriate, since most Yankee fans are familiar with Sweeny Murti.
I also don't really have any confidence that Sweeney the Yankee Guy really exists. Lupica seems to have a long list of friends and cohorts who conveniently pipe up with appropriate observations at appropriate times. Sort of like all the guys Lupica knows who were Tony Womack fans. Or the Red Sox fans who Lupica knows who rooted for Jeter in the World Baseball Classic. Most Red Sox fans I know would probably encourage Jeter to go for a motorcycle ride without a helmet.
I don't doubt that there are some fans like Sweeney the Yankee Guy. So, for the sake of this rant, let's assume Lupica really knows a self-proclaimed Yankee fan who'd rather see the Yankees lose without ARod than win with ARod.
Let me take a wild guess: Sweeney the Yankee Fan Diehard is one of the clowns who is booing ARod right now. Sweeney also hated the Clemens trade. Sweeney also booed Giambi a year ago. Sweeney also booed Tino. Sweeney also booed Girardi for replacing Stanley and then booed Posada for replacing Girardi.
Do me a favor, Sweeney the Yankee Guy: Get out of Yankee Stadium and stay out. True Yankee fans don't need you there. You stink up the joint.
Maybe Sweeney always thought he was a hardcore fan, but now he ought to realize he never was. The whole time, he was just a conditional fan. He roots for the Yankees depending on which players are on the Yankees.
You're the most faithful guy in the world except for that one time you cheated on your wife.
You're the most honest guy in the world except for a few grand on your income tax return.
Nothing wrong with rooting against the Yankees. It's a free country. But you should have enough integrity to correctly identify yourself. You are not a Yankee fan.
You can choose from plenty of teams that are losing without Alex Rodriguez. Sweeney should root for the Devil Rays. They fit the Sweeney criteria.
A Yankee fan never starts a thought with, "I'd rather see the Yankees lose ..."
I am trying to imagine scenarios where I'd root for the Yankees to lose.
I. Yankees are guaranteed a playoff spot but the choice is 3rd-best division winner or wild card winner. Then maybe I'd choose the Yankees to lose because I prefer the wild card opponent.
But you know what? Even that's thinking way too hard.
Last year, after 161 games, the Yankees clinched the division title. Rather than press for one more game and try to get home field advantage over the Angels, Torre decided to tank the game.
Unclear if the paying customers got refunds.
II. The Pope is kidnapped by anti-Catholic radicals and threatened with death if the Yankees win.
Well, this may require some negotiation.
If the Yankees have clinched the best record in the league and it's late September, then I'd be willing to trade that game for a human life.
If Shawn Chacon is pitching against the White Sox, then you know what? The Yankees will likely lose, anyway. Though it pains me to do so, it might be worthwhile to forfeit the game and save the bullpen.
But if the Yankees are still in the pennant race or it's a game vs. an AL East team? Well, sorry about that, your Popeness.
Seriously, is Pope Benedict XVII going to be that much different than Pope Benedict XVI?
One more observation for Sweeney the Yankee Guy. You want to see the Yankee lose without ARod? You're one pulled hamstring away from seeing it.
But no complaining if ARod gets hurt and the Yankees end up in third place.
That would be awesome, wouldn't it? Because you're such a hardcore Yankee fan. You're the biggest Yankee fan Lupica knows. You're Sweeney the Fraudulent Punk. I mean, Sweeney the Yankee Guy.
Friday, June 16, 2006
Accuracy.
There's a self-perpetuating theory among the tabloid sportswriters that Steinbrenner craves the back page. Steinbrenner's going to panic if the Mets start getting to back page.
Well, the Mets just finished up a 9-1 road trip on the same day ARod hit a ball 500 feet. Negative ARod articles dominate the back pages. Do us all a favor and write an article about the Mets!
Bob Klapisch struggles with accuracy and logic in this sneering, reverse-psychology piece:
"Yes, says Alex Rodriguez, he knows what you think of him. He knows what goes through your mind when the Yankees are rallying and he brings that long, beautiful (and increasingly useless) swing to the plate."
He has slumped in May, but he is showing signs of breaking out of it. A whopping two-game hitting streak and a whopping 500-foot homerun.
When you say increasingly useless, it should mean increasingly useless.
"Whether it's self-pity or cool calculation, there's no arguing the indictments all stick now. Think A-Rod hits empty home runs? Sure enough, he blasted a 457-foot monster in the seventh inning -- when the Yankees were down by five runs."
So, the homer wasn't useless at all. Just because the Yankees ended up losing doesn't mean it was useless.
When the Yankees are down by five runs, the only way to get back is to start scoring runs. Then, when the game is over, you might score more than the other team. Which is how you win.
But this is all nitpicking before Klapisch drops this mathematical bomb on your head:
"Convinced he can't hit when it counts? A-Rod is ... 2-for-16 with runners on base in June, and even worse (1-for-8) with runners in scoring position."
A .125 batting average is bad in any context.
But a .125 batting average is not worse than .125 batting average.
Well, the Mets just finished up a 9-1 road trip on the same day ARod hit a ball 500 feet. Negative ARod articles dominate the back pages. Do us all a favor and write an article about the Mets!
Bob Klapisch struggles with accuracy and logic in this sneering, reverse-psychology piece:
"Yes, says Alex Rodriguez, he knows what you think of him. He knows what goes through your mind when the Yankees are rallying and he brings that long, beautiful (and increasingly useless) swing to the plate."
He has slumped in May, but he is showing signs of breaking out of it. A whopping two-game hitting streak and a whopping 500-foot homerun.
When you say increasingly useless, it should mean increasingly useless.
"Whether it's self-pity or cool calculation, there's no arguing the indictments all stick now. Think A-Rod hits empty home runs? Sure enough, he blasted a 457-foot monster in the seventh inning -- when the Yankees were down by five runs."
So, the homer wasn't useless at all. Just because the Yankees ended up losing doesn't mean it was useless.
When the Yankees are down by five runs, the only way to get back is to start scoring runs. Then, when the game is over, you might score more than the other team. Which is how you win.
But this is all nitpicking before Klapisch drops this mathematical bomb on your head:
"Convinced he can't hit when it counts? A-Rod is ... 2-for-16 with runners on base in June, and even worse (1-for-8) with runners in scoring position."
A .125 batting average is bad in any context.
But a .125 batting average is not worse than .125 batting average.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Accentuate The Positive, Eliminate The Negative.
Commissioner Lurch always finds the black cloud in the silver lining:
"Dear Baseball Fans:
Major League Baseball has had record attendance for two years running and may set another record this year. It's early, but pennant and wild-card races are competitive throughout our divisions. Baseball is enjoying a golden age of fan support and excitement. Our great game has never been more popular."
Yes. Yes! YES!!!
Maybe he's learning.
Baseball sure is a great game, isn't it?
"Yet, despite the good news in Baseball, there are problems."
No. No! NO!!!
You're the commissioner. You're the CEO. You're the #1 Salesguy.
Never use the word "problem." Ever.
It's a challenge. It's an unfortunate occurrence. It's an improvement opportunity.
"I was disappointed and angered by revelations that a Major League player had acknowledged using human growth hormone (HGH), a performance-enhancing substance banned by Major League Baseball, and had said that others were using HGH as well."
Dude: "Buzz kill."
Will you just stop it?
You reluctantly talked about the great game of baseball for one whole paragraph. Then you dive into a full page of the problems.
Bud, all the cynical sportswriters have got the negative publicity thing covered. Your job is to get in a Cadillac and follow Barry Bonds around from city to city, offering $100,000 to anybody who catches a HR ball.
It's the Bud-N-Barry "I Live For This!" Tour.
Now contrast Fuddy Duddy Bud with Robert Johnson, announcing the hiring of failed basketball executive Michael Jordan:
Whatever you do, never bring up last season's 26 wins.
"Dear Baseball Fans:
Major League Baseball has had record attendance for two years running and may set another record this year. It's early, but pennant and wild-card races are competitive throughout our divisions. Baseball is enjoying a golden age of fan support and excitement. Our great game has never been more popular."
Yes. Yes! YES!!!
Maybe he's learning.
Baseball sure is a great game, isn't it?
"Yet, despite the good news in Baseball, there are problems."
No. No! NO!!!
You're the commissioner. You're the CEO. You're the #1 Salesguy.
Never use the word "problem." Ever.
It's a challenge. It's an unfortunate occurrence. It's an improvement opportunity.
"I was disappointed and angered by revelations that a Major League player had acknowledged using human growth hormone (HGH), a performance-enhancing substance banned by Major League Baseball, and had said that others were using HGH as well."
Dude: "Buzz kill."
Will you just stop it?
You reluctantly talked about the great game of baseball for one whole paragraph. Then you dive into a full page of the problems.
Bud, all the cynical sportswriters have got the negative publicity thing covered. Your job is to get in a Cadillac and follow Barry Bonds around from city to city, offering $100,000 to anybody who catches a HR ball.
It's the Bud-N-Barry "I Live For This!" Tour.
Now contrast Fuddy Duddy Bud with Robert Johnson, announcing the hiring of failed basketball executive Michael Jordan:
"I'm thrilled to have my friend, Michael Jordan, join me in my business and sports pursuits. I not only respect Michael for his basketball knowledge and expertise, but also for his business skills, particularly in branding and marketing.
Michael will provide invaluable management input to a Bobcats team that is poised to deliver results for the 2006-2007 season and beyond."
See? That's not so hard.Whatever you do, never bring up last season's 26 wins.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Roar!
Did Mike Vaccaro really take a "stroll through town" and count the Mets caps?:
"But really, this isn't all about performance. It's about buzz. It's about keeping your ear to the sidewalk, hearing what the people are talking about. Right now, Yankees remain the dominant team in the market, they sell 50,000 tickets every night, TV ratings are high, merchandise still flies off shelves, and there's 12 uninterrupted years of success to draw upon.
It's just a smaller difference now. And there are weekends, like the one just past, when you take a stroll through town and it's starting to look and sound and feel an awful lot like the middle '80s again."
It's all about performance.
It's always all about performance.
The Mets just won five in a row at the same time the Yankees lost four in a row. That's performance, not buzz.
The Mets have 6 1/2 on Philadelphia while the Yankees are one game back of Boston. That's all that really matters.
So, it's definitely the wrong time to declare Yankee supremacy. Beltran is better than I thought, Unit is worse than I thought, and the Yankees simply have way too many injuries. But Vaccaro should know by now that the Mets could have a bad week and get a few injuries, too.
Throwing caution to the wind, Mike Lupica boldly declares the Mets the best team in baseball:
"The Mets aren't just the best team in New York right now, they are the best team in baseball. The Tigers have a better record, but nobody believes they could beat Willie Randolph's team straight up."
I just spit my coffee.
I absolutely believe the Tigers could beat the Mets straight up. I'm somebody! I'm somebody!
But I'm not sure what it even means to "beat the Mets." Over the course of the next 100 games? In a seven-game series?
Nobody believes the Tigers can win more games than the Mets this season? Nobody believes the Tigers could beat the Mets in a seven-game series?
What does Mike Lupica have against the Tigers? Why aren't the Tigers exciting? Why don't the Tigers have personality? Why don't the Tigers have an exciting blend of old and new?
Lupica isn't impressed with the rookie relievers on the Tigers who throw the ball 100+ mph? Combined with the artistic lefty veteran, Kenny Rogers?
It's an exciting blending of old and new! It's a mix of veterans and emerging homegrown talent, many of whom suffered through a 120-loss season just three years ago.
Wow! Come to think of it, the Tigers are way more appealing than the Mets and all their high-priced free agents, trying to buy a World Series title, money-beating the Diamondbacks.
I think Lupica may have just convinced me. Go Tigers! Roar!
But I know this isn't really about the Tigers. It's about Alex Rodriguez:
"But Beltran, such a disappointment last season, is having the kind of MVP stretch Yankee fans want from A-Rod."
The entire 2005 season was an MVP stretch from ARod. Literally.
ARod was also just named Player of the Month in the AL. Just last month.
You know what it's like defending ARod? It's like defending ice cream and pizza.
You know what it's like waiting for ARod to produce? It's like waiting for the sun to rise in the East.
.300, 40, 120 every year. Plus or minus 10 percent.
If that's not carrying a team, then there is no such thing as carrying a team. If Yankee fans are not satisfied with those kind of numbers, then they're spoiled and ignorant.
Besides, even if Beltran is putting up MVP numbers, they're all in blowout wins and he doesn't really have the "it" factor. If you want to be thought of MVP around here, you can't just bust up the furniture in 15-run blowouts of the Diamondbacks.
"But really, this isn't all about performance. It's about buzz. It's about keeping your ear to the sidewalk, hearing what the people are talking about. Right now, Yankees remain the dominant team in the market, they sell 50,000 tickets every night, TV ratings are high, merchandise still flies off shelves, and there's 12 uninterrupted years of success to draw upon.
It's just a smaller difference now. And there are weekends, like the one just past, when you take a stroll through town and it's starting to look and sound and feel an awful lot like the middle '80s again."
It's all about performance.
It's always all about performance.
The Mets just won five in a row at the same time the Yankees lost four in a row. That's performance, not buzz.
The Mets have 6 1/2 on Philadelphia while the Yankees are one game back of Boston. That's all that really matters.
So, it's definitely the wrong time to declare Yankee supremacy. Beltran is better than I thought, Unit is worse than I thought, and the Yankees simply have way too many injuries. But Vaccaro should know by now that the Mets could have a bad week and get a few injuries, too.
Throwing caution to the wind, Mike Lupica boldly declares the Mets the best team in baseball:
"The Mets aren't just the best team in New York right now, they are the best team in baseball. The Tigers have a better record, but nobody believes they could beat Willie Randolph's team straight up."
I just spit my coffee.
I absolutely believe the Tigers could beat the Mets straight up. I'm somebody! I'm somebody!
But I'm not sure what it even means to "beat the Mets." Over the course of the next 100 games? In a seven-game series?
Nobody believes the Tigers can win more games than the Mets this season? Nobody believes the Tigers could beat the Mets in a seven-game series?
What does Mike Lupica have against the Tigers? Why aren't the Tigers exciting? Why don't the Tigers have personality? Why don't the Tigers have an exciting blend of old and new?
Lupica isn't impressed with the rookie relievers on the Tigers who throw the ball 100+ mph? Combined with the artistic lefty veteran, Kenny Rogers?
It's an exciting blending of old and new! It's a mix of veterans and emerging homegrown talent, many of whom suffered through a 120-loss season just three years ago.
Wow! Come to think of it, the Tigers are way more appealing than the Mets and all their high-priced free agents, trying to buy a World Series title, money-beating the Diamondbacks.
I think Lupica may have just convinced me. Go Tigers! Roar!
But I know this isn't really about the Tigers. It's about Alex Rodriguez:
"But Beltran, such a disappointment last season, is having the kind of MVP stretch Yankee fans want from A-Rod."
The entire 2005 season was an MVP stretch from ARod. Literally.
ARod was also just named Player of the Month in the AL. Just last month.
You know what it's like defending ARod? It's like defending ice cream and pizza.
You know what it's like waiting for ARod to produce? It's like waiting for the sun to rise in the East.
.300, 40, 120 every year. Plus or minus 10 percent.
If that's not carrying a team, then there is no such thing as carrying a team. If Yankee fans are not satisfied with those kind of numbers, then they're spoiled and ignorant.
Besides, even if Beltran is putting up MVP numbers, they're all in blowout wins and he doesn't really have the "it" factor. If you want to be thought of MVP around here, you can't just bust up the furniture in 15-run blowouts of the Diamondbacks.
Has anybody seen the bridge?
The problem with the Yankee bullpen is not the Yankee bullpen:
"Heading into a three-game series with Cleveland tonight at the Stadium, Yankees starters have averaged fewer than 5 2/3 innings over the past 25 games. They've lasted more than six innings just seven times and have managed just nine quality starts of six innings pitched or more with three or fewer earned runs.
The bullpen, meanwhile, has pitched 86 innings, more than 3 1/3 per game."
In 1996, Mariano Rivera pitched 107 innings and was "the bridge" to John Wetteland.
Not surprisingly, Joe Torre found something that he liked. He liked it so much that Paul Quantrill and Mike Stanton are 1-2 in Yankee single-season appearances.
Don't get me wrong: Of course a great bullpen is an asset that helps a team win. But the starting staff is way more important.
The problem is not Kyle Farnsworth. The problem is Randy Johnson, Jaret Wright, and Shawn Chacon.
Hand a four-run lead over to Farnsworth & Myers in the 8th inning and they'll get just as many "holds" as Nelson & Stanton.
"Heading into a three-game series with Cleveland tonight at the Stadium, Yankees starters have averaged fewer than 5 2/3 innings over the past 25 games. They've lasted more than six innings just seven times and have managed just nine quality starts of six innings pitched or more with three or fewer earned runs.
The bullpen, meanwhile, has pitched 86 innings, more than 3 1/3 per game."
In 1996, Mariano Rivera pitched 107 innings and was "the bridge" to John Wetteland.
Not surprisingly, Joe Torre found something that he liked. He liked it so much that Paul Quantrill and Mike Stanton are 1-2 in Yankee single-season appearances.
Don't get me wrong: Of course a great bullpen is an asset that helps a team win. But the starting staff is way more important.
The problem is not Kyle Farnsworth. The problem is Randy Johnson, Jaret Wright, and Shawn Chacon.
Hand a four-run lead over to Farnsworth & Myers in the 8th inning and they'll get just as many "holds" as Nelson & Stanton.
Monday, June 12, 2006
Crock of IT.
This argument will probably go on forever and you know where I stand.
Even after this Weekend of Horrors when ARod had the nerve to hit a mere .300. Throw in a couple walks and a stolen bases and, you know, it's not nearly as bad as, say ... well, you know who I'm going to say. Actually, take your pick.
ARod only had one rbi in three games, but it was a 2-out RISP single. The man is clutch like that. Too bad Jeter got thrown out at third on the play -- might have killed a rally by trying to do too much because of the absence of Sheffield and Matsui.
That is what the numbers say and also what my eyes saw:
"This is not a subject I tackle with naivete. We live in an era of advanced statistical analysis and, en masse, that group would tell me - is probably writing e-mails to tell me - there is no such thing as clutch or non-clutch, and that qualities such as IT are media-generated hogwash. I take the research seriously and, I agree, intangible qualities have been thrown around far too much in baseball coverage. But how do you disregard your eyes completely? How do you ignore that at the most intense moments Rodriguez seems to be carrying his 32-ounce bat and the weight of the world into each at-bat?"
1) Advanced statistical analysis? How about just batting average?
ARod's batting average this year increases with runners on base, with RISP, and with RISP and two outs.
2) Name one moment this weekend that qualifies as "intense."
I think the writers, fans, and even the manager have the template for the story before it's even written.
That's how a mid-June series vs. Oakland can somehow be "intense." Yesterday's game was only "intense" because ARod went 0-for-3. It's a regular season statistic-accumulating waste of time if ARod hits two homeruns.
That also explains how Jeter can go 1-for-13 in the series and Joel Sherman will not even notice. Since it doesn't fit the story, he completely disregards what he sees with his own eyes.
Even after this Weekend of Horrors when ARod had the nerve to hit a mere .300. Throw in a couple walks and a stolen bases and, you know, it's not nearly as bad as, say ... well, you know who I'm going to say. Actually, take your pick.
ARod only had one rbi in three games, but it was a 2-out RISP single. The man is clutch like that. Too bad Jeter got thrown out at third on the play -- might have killed a rally by trying to do too much because of the absence of Sheffield and Matsui.
That is what the numbers say and also what my eyes saw:
"This is not a subject I tackle with naivete. We live in an era of advanced statistical analysis and, en masse, that group would tell me - is probably writing e-mails to tell me - there is no such thing as clutch or non-clutch, and that qualities such as IT are media-generated hogwash. I take the research seriously and, I agree, intangible qualities have been thrown around far too much in baseball coverage. But how do you disregard your eyes completely? How do you ignore that at the most intense moments Rodriguez seems to be carrying his 32-ounce bat and the weight of the world into each at-bat?"
1) Advanced statistical analysis? How about just batting average?
ARod's batting average this year increases with runners on base, with RISP, and with RISP and two outs.
2) Name one moment this weekend that qualifies as "intense."
I think the writers, fans, and even the manager have the template for the story before it's even written.
That's how a mid-June series vs. Oakland can somehow be "intense." Yesterday's game was only "intense" because ARod went 0-for-3. It's a regular season statistic-accumulating waste of time if ARod hits two homeruns.
That also explains how Jeter can go 1-for-13 in the series and Joel Sherman will not even notice. Since it doesn't fit the story, he completely disregards what he sees with his own eyes.
Friday, June 09, 2006
Maybe Money Can't Buy Happiness ...
... But Neither Can Just Being Poor.
Yankees are in first place by half a game on June 9th and 12 games over .500.
Either the glass is half full or the glass is half empty.
Dan Graziano:
"But with a little more than 100 games left in the season, it's those injury-ravaged Yankees who look like the best of the bunch. And not just because they're the ones in first place."
Wallace Matthews:
"The truth is, the Yankees problems run much deeper than the loss of two power-hitting corner outfielders. The $25-million third baseman fields as if his glove were made of concrete and can't stick his head out of the dugout without being drowned in boos. If Giambi doesn't hit the ball out of the park, he raps it right at the second baseman playing in shallow rightfield. Bernie Williams, intended as a DH and occasional outfielder, now must play the field every night. Wright is still unreliable beyond five innings, and lately, watching Scott Proctor is about as pleasant as visiting your proctologist."
Let's see...
1) The Yankees only pay ARod $16 million, just so you're not misled.
ARod does not field as if his glove were made of concrete. He is one of the best fielding third basemen in baseball. If a sportswriter says that ARod's glove is made of concrete, you should know instantly that this sportswriter is incompetent at his craft.
2) "If Giambi doesn't hit the ball out of the park, he grounds out to second base."
Hmmm ... interesting criticism. "When baseball players don't get hits, they make outs." It's true for every ballplayer ever.
But as of this moment, Giambi has the highest on-base percentage in the entire American League. So, while Giambi certainly grounds out to second base a lot, he makes out less often than any other player in the entire American League.
So, he's one of the Yankee problems, or something? The kind of problems that run deep?
3) Bernie Williams. You got me there. Despite two homeruns in two nights, he really isn't a viable everyday rightfielder anymore.
But you just said the Yankees wouldn't miss Sheffield because he hasn't even been in a World Series in two whole years and the $350,000 players are better.
You just said "while the news out of the Yankees clubhouse last night sounded bad - surgery on Sheffield's mangled left wrist with a minimum of three months' recovery, if not the entire season - really, how much worse can it get?"
Is this Jeopardy?
"I'll take 'Holes in The Argument' for $400, Alex."
"The answer is 'Bernie Williams.'"
"How much worse can it get?"
"Correct."
4) Watching Scott Proctor is about as pleasant as visiting your proctologist? Good pun. It's true that Proctor has been awful lately.
But methinks Mr. Matthews doth protest too much. I get the feeling he shows up at his proctologist's office about once a week with a new "problem" that required deep, prolonged, satisfying probing. Just the snap of the glove is enough to get him excited.
Oh, and do you remember how Gary Sheffield almost won the MVP two years ago? Remember what a fabulous free agent signing Gary Sheffield has been?
Turns out, you were wrong:
"If Gary Sheffield has played his last game as a Yankee - and the odds are at least 50-50 that he has - then the sum total of his Yankees career is as follows: 238 games played, 1,280 at-bats, 374 hits, a .292 batting average, 74 home runs and 263 RBIs."
I don't feel like adding up Sheffield's stats for the past 2 1/3 seasons. The production stats sound reasonable.
But I know for a fact Sheffield played in more than 238 games. Matthews probably meant to say 338 games. Even though 263 rbis in 238 games would be, like, really good.
Pretty impressive. But in the categories in which the real score is kept around here, the Sheffield Era is decidedly underwhelming. Try eight playoff victories, eight playoff losses, no world championships and not a single World Series game."
Not a single World Series game!!! In two whole years!!!
Wow. I didn't think two years even counts as an "era."
But at least now I know it wasn't all ARod's fault.
Yankees are in first place by half a game on June 9th and 12 games over .500.
Either the glass is half full or the glass is half empty.
Dan Graziano:
"But with a little more than 100 games left in the season, it's those injury-ravaged Yankees who look like the best of the bunch. And not just because they're the ones in first place."
Wallace Matthews:
"The truth is, the Yankees problems run much deeper than the loss of two power-hitting corner outfielders. The $25-million third baseman fields as if his glove were made of concrete and can't stick his head out of the dugout without being drowned in boos. If Giambi doesn't hit the ball out of the park, he raps it right at the second baseman playing in shallow rightfield. Bernie Williams, intended as a DH and occasional outfielder, now must play the field every night. Wright is still unreliable beyond five innings, and lately, watching Scott Proctor is about as pleasant as visiting your proctologist."
Let's see...
1) The Yankees only pay ARod $16 million, just so you're not misled.
ARod does not field as if his glove were made of concrete. He is one of the best fielding third basemen in baseball. If a sportswriter says that ARod's glove is made of concrete, you should know instantly that this sportswriter is incompetent at his craft.
2) "If Giambi doesn't hit the ball out of the park, he grounds out to second base."
Hmmm ... interesting criticism. "When baseball players don't get hits, they make outs." It's true for every ballplayer ever.
But as of this moment, Giambi has the highest on-base percentage in the entire American League. So, while Giambi certainly grounds out to second base a lot, he makes out less often than any other player in the entire American League.
So, he's one of the Yankee problems, or something? The kind of problems that run deep?
3) Bernie Williams. You got me there. Despite two homeruns in two nights, he really isn't a viable everyday rightfielder anymore.
But you just said the Yankees wouldn't miss Sheffield because he hasn't even been in a World Series in two whole years and the $350,000 players are better.
You just said "while the news out of the Yankees clubhouse last night sounded bad - surgery on Sheffield's mangled left wrist with a minimum of three months' recovery, if not the entire season - really, how much worse can it get?"
Is this Jeopardy?
"I'll take 'Holes in The Argument' for $400, Alex."
"The answer is 'Bernie Williams.'"
"How much worse can it get?"
"Correct."
4) Watching Scott Proctor is about as pleasant as visiting your proctologist? Good pun. It's true that Proctor has been awful lately.
But methinks Mr. Matthews doth protest too much. I get the feeling he shows up at his proctologist's office about once a week with a new "problem" that required deep, prolonged, satisfying probing. Just the snap of the glove is enough to get him excited.
Oh, and do you remember how Gary Sheffield almost won the MVP two years ago? Remember what a fabulous free agent signing Gary Sheffield has been?
Turns out, you were wrong:
"If Gary Sheffield has played his last game as a Yankee - and the odds are at least 50-50 that he has - then the sum total of his Yankees career is as follows: 238 games played, 1,280 at-bats, 374 hits, a .292 batting average, 74 home runs and 263 RBIs."
I don't feel like adding up Sheffield's stats for the past 2 1/3 seasons. The production stats sound reasonable.
But I know for a fact Sheffield played in more than 238 games. Matthews probably meant to say 338 games. Even though 263 rbis in 238 games would be, like, really good.
Pretty impressive. But in the categories in which the real score is kept around here, the Sheffield Era is decidedly underwhelming. Try eight playoff victories, eight playoff losses, no world championships and not a single World Series game."
Not a single World Series game!!! In two whole years!!!
Wow. I didn't think two years even counts as an "era."
But at least now I know it wasn't all ARod's fault.
It Must Be ARod's Fault.
I realize I am on guard looking for unfair ARod criticism. Maybe I'm too sensitive.
But check out the New York Post and tell me if I'm wrong.
First, King George the Lazy missed the change to the official scorer's decision:
"A-Rod, who made an error that helped fuel a three-run sixth, was booed by 55,225 when he fouled out in the seventh and fanned to end the game. A-Rod, who leads the Yankees with 11 errors, is in a 1-for-15 (.067) slide since returning from a stomach virus Sunday."
It wasn't even an error.
So Larry Brooks describes the play correctly, but somehow tries to pin a six-run loss on ARod:
"Rodriguez went for the backhand and Jason Varitek retreated to third. But the ball hopped over the third baseman's glove into left field, and the tie had been broken an inning before the Sox broke it open. At first it was ruled an error, but the decision was later reversed, with Gonzalez awarded a double. That made little difference to the crowd, which booed A-Rod with great vigor throughout the remainder of his 0-for-4 night."
Now, remember, the Yankees lost by six runs:
"And the Yankees might even have been able to escape with a victory last night, anyway, had Alex Rodriguez been able to field Alex Gonzalez' hopper down the line with one out in the sixth, the score tied, and runners on first and third."
Yeah, sure. The Yankees would have lost 8-3 instead of 9-3.
But check out the New York Post and tell me if I'm wrong.
First, King George the Lazy missed the change to the official scorer's decision:
"A-Rod, who made an error that helped fuel a three-run sixth, was booed by 55,225 when he fouled out in the seventh and fanned to end the game. A-Rod, who leads the Yankees with 11 errors, is in a 1-for-15 (.067) slide since returning from a stomach virus Sunday."
It wasn't even an error.
So Larry Brooks describes the play correctly, but somehow tries to pin a six-run loss on ARod:
"Rodriguez went for the backhand and Jason Varitek retreated to third. But the ball hopped over the third baseman's glove into left field, and the tie had been broken an inning before the Sox broke it open. At first it was ruled an error, but the decision was later reversed, with Gonzalez awarded a double. That made little difference to the crowd, which booed A-Rod with great vigor throughout the remainder of his 0-for-4 night."
Now, remember, the Yankees lost by six runs:
"And the Yankees might even have been able to escape with a victory last night, anyway, had Alex Rodriguez been able to field Alex Gonzalez' hopper down the line with one out in the sixth, the score tied, and runners on first and third."
Yeah, sure. The Yankees would have lost 8-3 instead of 9-3.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Yankees Rained Out; Steve Politi Rejoices.
Even though everybody else thought Wednesday night's Yankee game was exceedingly exciting, Steve Politi was just going to write this stick-in-the-mud article no matter what.
That's the funniest part. Politi was writing an article about how boring Yankees-Sox games are in early June, and then we get a classic like that. But Politi just goes ahead with the same article:
"Bored is a good word to sum up the emotion around Yankees vs. Red Sox these days -- a bitter rivalry dulled by too many games, way too early, and few of them memorable."
I pretty much remember all of them.
"Yes, left fielder Melky Cabrera made a leaping grab in the eighth inning last night to preserve a 2-1 victory, but that would have been spectacular against any team."
Fair enough, but nobody would have seen it.
Like it or not, most so-called Yankee fans watch Opening Day, the Red Sox, the Mets, and the playoffs. Most fans pay attention to about 30 games per year.
One of the reasons I like watching baseball games is that similarly exciting plays occur on a daily basis. Damon has been banging up against the wall all season, but if it beats Toronto, nobody pays attention.
"Make a list of the 10 most exciting sports moments for this city in the past five years, and this rivalry has produced half of them. Aaron Boone's dramatic home run. The historic Red Sox comeback. The walk-off home runs and the bench-clearing brawls and the bloody sock.
With each new moment, our expectations keep rising. We want more. We expect more. But lately, the rivalry is starting to feel like Law & Order -- every time you look up, it's on TV."
I don't want more. I don't expect more. I expect a baseball game between the Yankees and the Red Sox. I fail to see how this game would have been more exciting if if had been played in mid-August.
"The two teams have played 79 times in the regular season over the past four seasons and another 14 times in the playoffs, a total of 93 games. That's seven more games than the Giants and Cowboys have played against each other in their entire NFL history."
That's very odd because baseball teams play more games than football teams. Ten times more, every season. Unclear what that has to do with last night's baseball game.
Yankees have played more games against the White Sox than Mark Spitz has won gold medals.
Yankees have played more games against the Devil Rays than Vietnam has had wars with Cambodia.
You see, I enjoy watching baseball games. I find it pleasurable and emotionally engaging when the Yankees play the Red Sox and even when the Yankees play other teams. If you're bored with Yankees-Sox -- if you're bored with Wednesday's game -- then maybe you're not a fan of baseball in the first place.
That's the funniest part. Politi was writing an article about how boring Yankees-Sox games are in early June, and then we get a classic like that. But Politi just goes ahead with the same article:
"Bored is a good word to sum up the emotion around Yankees vs. Red Sox these days -- a bitter rivalry dulled by too many games, way too early, and few of them memorable."
I pretty much remember all of them.
"Yes, left fielder Melky Cabrera made a leaping grab in the eighth inning last night to preserve a 2-1 victory, but that would have been spectacular against any team."
Fair enough, but nobody would have seen it.
Like it or not, most so-called Yankee fans watch Opening Day, the Red Sox, the Mets, and the playoffs. Most fans pay attention to about 30 games per year.
One of the reasons I like watching baseball games is that similarly exciting plays occur on a daily basis. Damon has been banging up against the wall all season, but if it beats Toronto, nobody pays attention.
"Make a list of the 10 most exciting sports moments for this city in the past five years, and this rivalry has produced half of them. Aaron Boone's dramatic home run. The historic Red Sox comeback. The walk-off home runs and the bench-clearing brawls and the bloody sock.
With each new moment, our expectations keep rising. We want more. We expect more. But lately, the rivalry is starting to feel like Law & Order -- every time you look up, it's on TV."
I don't want more. I don't expect more. I expect a baseball game between the Yankees and the Red Sox. I fail to see how this game would have been more exciting if if had been played in mid-August.
"The two teams have played 79 times in the regular season over the past four seasons and another 14 times in the playoffs, a total of 93 games. That's seven more games than the Giants and Cowboys have played against each other in their entire NFL history."
That's very odd because baseball teams play more games than football teams. Ten times more, every season. Unclear what that has to do with last night's baseball game.
Yankees have played more games against the White Sox than Mark Spitz has won gold medals.
Yankees have played more games against the Devil Rays than Vietnam has had wars with Cambodia.
You see, I enjoy watching baseball games. I find it pleasurable and emotionally engaging when the Yankees play the Red Sox and even when the Yankees play other teams. If you're bored with Yankees-Sox -- if you're bored with Wednesday's game -- then maybe you're not a fan of baseball in the first place.
More defensive than Melky Cabrera.
I think somewhere in here, Willie Randolph probably makes a good point about putting team goals ahead of personal goals.
Still not sure why he didn't use Wagner:
"When your mentality is winning, you do what it takes to win the game. It's not about personal goals for anyone. He's my closer and I want him to get as many saves as he can get. "
Okay, but why didn't you use Wagner?
"That's fine, just like you want guys to get home runs, base hits, whatever, okay. I'm not thinking about one inning, one play."
Okay, but why didn't you use Wagner?
"I'm not trying to follow any shape or form. I'm not trying to be like anybody. I'm just trying to go by what I know about baseball and my team. I never believe in conforming to any type of tradition or standard of doing things."
Good for you. Why didn't you use Wagner?
"I understand what a save means. I understand that players like saves, closers like saves. But I like wins."
I like wins, too. Why didn't you use Wagner?
"What's unconventional about it? Unconventional in that you buy into the whole theory that if a save situation comes up (Wagner) has to have that?"
Yes, unconventional in that you buy into the whole theory that if a save situation comes up (Wagner) has to have that.
"I don't come from that. I come from winning. Winning the game. That's all I come from. I let my guys have their stats and everything but that means nothing to me."
Oh, now I get it. You thought using Billy Wagner was going to hurt your team's chances of winning. That's all you had to say.
Still not sure why he didn't use Wagner:
"When your mentality is winning, you do what it takes to win the game. It's not about personal goals for anyone. He's my closer and I want him to get as many saves as he can get. "
Okay, but why didn't you use Wagner?
"That's fine, just like you want guys to get home runs, base hits, whatever, okay. I'm not thinking about one inning, one play."
Okay, but why didn't you use Wagner?
"I'm not trying to follow any shape or form. I'm not trying to be like anybody. I'm just trying to go by what I know about baseball and my team. I never believe in conforming to any type of tradition or standard of doing things."
Good for you. Why didn't you use Wagner?
"I understand what a save means. I understand that players like saves, closers like saves. But I like wins."
I like wins, too. Why didn't you use Wagner?
"What's unconventional about it? Unconventional in that you buy into the whole theory that if a save situation comes up (Wagner) has to have that?"
Yes, unconventional in that you buy into the whole theory that if a save situation comes up (Wagner) has to have that.
"I don't come from that. I come from winning. Winning the game. That's all I come from. I let my guys have their stats and everything but that means nothing to me."
Oh, now I get it. You thought using Billy Wagner was going to hurt your team's chances of winning. That's all you had to say.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Go root for the Marlins.
Mike Lupica is temporarily back on the Yankee bandwagon, even though I don't think the Yankee fans want him:
"The Yankees did not have Derek Jeter in the starting lineup last night, Gary Sheffield is on the disabled list, Hideki Matsui is long gone. The Yankees keep winning. They keep scoring, even with Cabrera in left and Miguel Cairo at short and Phillips at first. Against Boston last night they got an upper deck home run from a big-ticket star like Jason Giambi, but they got one from Phillips, too, his third home run in his last seven games."
What cracks me up is that Lupica doesn't enjoy the three-run homerun by Giambi, but he enjoys the three-run homerun by Phillips.
Don't believe me?
Does it sound too ludicrous to be true?:
"It is different this season. The Yankees can still money-whip you, don't worry about that. But they can also win with Cabrera and Phillips. It makes them more appealing."
Ladies and Gentleman, we have a line in the sand.
Let me shout from the mountaintops that Derek Jeter plays appealing baseball.
I need to testify that Hideki Matsui plays appealing baseball.
Can I have a witness?
Gary Sheffield ... is a'hitting ... over .300 ... every year ... and also a'hitting ... 30 homeruns ... I ain't talkin' 'bout no singles ... I ain't talkin' 'bout no doubles ... I ain't even talkin' 'bout no three-base hits ... I'm a'talkin' 'bout a homerun ... a round tripper ... a four-bagger ... a big fly ... it is high ... it is far ... O, Lord, it is gone!
Open up the window Aunt Minnie because Gary Sheffield is up at the plate ... and driving in one hundred runs ... it is APPEALING!!!
It's appealing! It's appealing! Talkin' 'bout appealing! It appeals to me! It appeals to you! It appeals to my brothers and sisters all around the world!
Can I get an amen?
"Cashman still spends Steinbrenner's money. Will always spend money."
Hallelujah!
"Spent it on Johnny Damon over the winter ..." (appealing) "overspent to keep Matsui a Yankee ..." (appealing) "the Yankees are still right there at $200 million and around $75 million clear of the field." (appealing)
"But they win these days with Cano, Phillips, Scott Proctor, Chien-Ming Wang. And Cabrera, who has been more appealing than any of them."
Didn't Lupica just point out that the Yankees played last night without Jeter, Matsui, and Sheffield? Whose combined salaries this year are approximately $50 million?
Not to get all Einstein on you, but that means the Yankees are not "right there" at $200 million when the injuries are taken into account. Last night, they were closer to $150 million. That's just common sense.
In 2005, the Year That Lupica Forgot, the Yankees won 95 games with Cano, Phillips, Scott Proctor, and Chien-Ming Wang. Even though Our Glorious Manager, Praise Be Unto Him, said that Giambi couldn't DH, so Tony Womack got 325 at-bats while Andy Phillips got 40 at-bats.
The Yankees also won with Aaron Small going 10-0 (yawn) and major contributions from Shawn Chacon. Personally, I thought both players were similarly appealing, even though Mike Lupica couldn't bear to watch.
I think I get it. Mike Lupica is bored with expensive veterans. Lupica claims that this type of palyer does not appeal to him.
But he doesn't mean it.
If Lupica really didn't enjoy teams that money-beat the competition, then he would stop rooting for the Mets.
"The Yankees did not have Derek Jeter in the starting lineup last night, Gary Sheffield is on the disabled list, Hideki Matsui is long gone. The Yankees keep winning. They keep scoring, even with Cabrera in left and Miguel Cairo at short and Phillips at first. Against Boston last night they got an upper deck home run from a big-ticket star like Jason Giambi, but they got one from Phillips, too, his third home run in his last seven games."
What cracks me up is that Lupica doesn't enjoy the three-run homerun by Giambi, but he enjoys the three-run homerun by Phillips.
Don't believe me?
Does it sound too ludicrous to be true?:
"It is different this season. The Yankees can still money-whip you, don't worry about that. But they can also win with Cabrera and Phillips. It makes them more appealing."
Ladies and Gentleman, we have a line in the sand.
Let me shout from the mountaintops that Derek Jeter plays appealing baseball.
I need to testify that Hideki Matsui plays appealing baseball.
Can I have a witness?
Gary Sheffield ... is a'hitting ... over .300 ... every year ... and also a'hitting ... 30 homeruns ... I ain't talkin' 'bout no singles ... I ain't talkin' 'bout no doubles ... I ain't even talkin' 'bout no three-base hits ... I'm a'talkin' 'bout a homerun ... a round tripper ... a four-bagger ... a big fly ... it is high ... it is far ... O, Lord, it is gone!
Open up the window Aunt Minnie because Gary Sheffield is up at the plate ... and driving in one hundred runs ... it is APPEALING!!!
It's appealing! It's appealing! Talkin' 'bout appealing! It appeals to me! It appeals to you! It appeals to my brothers and sisters all around the world!
Can I get an amen?
"Cashman still spends Steinbrenner's money. Will always spend money."
Hallelujah!
"Spent it on Johnny Damon over the winter ..." (appealing) "overspent to keep Matsui a Yankee ..." (appealing) "the Yankees are still right there at $200 million and around $75 million clear of the field." (appealing)
"But they win these days with Cano, Phillips, Scott Proctor, Chien-Ming Wang. And Cabrera, who has been more appealing than any of them."
Didn't Lupica just point out that the Yankees played last night without Jeter, Matsui, and Sheffield? Whose combined salaries this year are approximately $50 million?
Not to get all Einstein on you, but that means the Yankees are not "right there" at $200 million when the injuries are taken into account. Last night, they were closer to $150 million. That's just common sense.
In 2005, the Year That Lupica Forgot, the Yankees won 95 games with Cano, Phillips, Scott Proctor, and Chien-Ming Wang. Even though Our Glorious Manager, Praise Be Unto Him, said that Giambi couldn't DH, so Tony Womack got 325 at-bats while Andy Phillips got 40 at-bats.
The Yankees also won with Aaron Small going 10-0 (yawn) and major contributions from Shawn Chacon. Personally, I thought both players were similarly appealing, even though Mike Lupica couldn't bear to watch.
I think I get it. Mike Lupica is bored with expensive veterans. Lupica claims that this type of palyer does not appeal to him.
But he doesn't mean it.
If Lupica really didn't enjoy teams that money-beat the competition, then he would stop rooting for the Mets.
Monday, June 05, 2006
Steal Home Next Time.
If Larry Bowa doesn't like it, maybe he should yell at the catcher, not the baserunner:
"When Corey Patterson stole second and third in the seventh inning with the Orioles leading by six runs Larry Bowa believed Patterson was rubbing it in the Yankees' nose.
From the top step of the third base dugout, Bowa let Patterson have it.
'I told him to play the game the right way,' Bowa said. 'That was terrible.' "
Stealing third with one out is playing the game the right way.
The punch line is that the Yankees loaded the bases with no outs in the very next inning. With a left-center field power alley that's a mere 360 feet away.
Look around, Larry. It's 2006, it's the American League, it's the Baltimore Orioles bullpen. Six-run leads don't mean what they used to.
Last week vs. Detroit, Damon unsuccessfully tried to steal second base when the Yankees had a six-run lead. I'm not sure if Bowa had a problem with this maneuver. Maybe Bowa believes there is a moral distinction between the third inning and the seventh inning.
Before you could say "Leo Durocher," the Tigers had the tying run at second base and the go-ahead run on first base. With the, err, "enigmatic" Kyle Farnsworth on the mound for the Yankees.
New rule for all the crotchety old school coaches and managers: When in doubt, rub it in.
My team has full freedom to rub it in every chance they get. Extend the game. Wear out the opponent's bullpen. Pad your stats.
Which means the other teams will do the same thing to you every chance they get. Boo hoo. If you don't like it, then you can stop it by scoring more runs than they do.
"When Corey Patterson stole second and third in the seventh inning with the Orioles leading by six runs Larry Bowa believed Patterson was rubbing it in the Yankees' nose.
From the top step of the third base dugout, Bowa let Patterson have it.
'I told him to play the game the right way,' Bowa said. 'That was terrible.' "
Stealing third with one out is playing the game the right way.
The punch line is that the Yankees loaded the bases with no outs in the very next inning. With a left-center field power alley that's a mere 360 feet away.
Look around, Larry. It's 2006, it's the American League, it's the Baltimore Orioles bullpen. Six-run leads don't mean what they used to.
Last week vs. Detroit, Damon unsuccessfully tried to steal second base when the Yankees had a six-run lead. I'm not sure if Bowa had a problem with this maneuver. Maybe Bowa believes there is a moral distinction between the third inning and the seventh inning.
Before you could say "Leo Durocher," the Tigers had the tying run at second base and the go-ahead run on first base. With the, err, "enigmatic" Kyle Farnsworth on the mound for the Yankees.
New rule for all the crotchety old school coaches and managers: When in doubt, rub it in.
My team has full freedom to rub it in every chance they get. Extend the game. Wear out the opponent's bullpen. Pad your stats.
Which means the other teams will do the same thing to you every chance they get. Boo hoo. If you don't like it, then you can stop it by scoring more runs than they do.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Feel Free To Boo Mike Lupica. Vituperatively.
"There was the suggestion that the circus around Bonds, the one that exists around him in San Francisco and everywhere he goes, would subside now that he has caught Babe Ruth and passed him. That surely doesn't happen yet. Only five days after getting to 715, he comes to Shea Stadium. He comes to New York."
What circus? Nobody even cares about Barry Bonds anymore.
I know nobody cares because Mike Lupica told me so a few months ago:
"They will cheer him in San Francisco when he passes Babe Ruth, and we will hear again that his most vituperative critics hate him, the arrogant black star, for passing the white guy who has been one of the famous names in American sports since the '20s. As if Bonds is breaking some kind of record by passing Ruth. As if we care about that anymore."
Who care about passing Ruth? Nobody cares. Ruth is second place. Ruth is yesterday's news.
Well, nobody outside of San Francisco cares.
Except, of course for the circus. That follows him. In San Francisco and everywhere he goes.
Nobody cares except maybe a columnist who has written about him 10,000 times in the past three months.
"He is no victim of life's circumstances. And the fans who go out to Shea this weekend should make sure not to do anything that will make him out to be more of a victim. Nobody throws anything this weekend, the way they threw things in other cities. Nobody brings stupid banners. Nobody goes out on the field. Nobody does vulgar chants. Sometimes you have to be better than the guy you come to see."
Bold stance right there: "Please obey the law."
By the way, general rule of life: The "guy you come to see" automatically wins. Because you just came to see him. Nobody's scalping tickets to watch you run status reports from your cubicle in the dreary office park on Jericho Turnpike.
You just buried yourself deeper in credit card debt to watch Bonds play and your wife's a nag and your kids are failing History class and what's with the gas prices?
"You want to boo Barry Bonds in New York this weekend, have at him, do it at the top of your lungs, from the top of the first inning tomorrow night. You want to cheer him because you believe he was the best player in baseball for a long time, because you remember him for all those MVP awards he won before he began to grow faster than the budget deficit, because you don't care about steroids and what they've done to him and the record books, stand up and cheer for the guy, it's a free country."
Well, since it's a free country, I think I'll make a stupid banner and start a vulgar chant.
But thanks for the stamp of approval, Mike Lupica. Since it's a free country, I appreciate the behavioral guidelines. I need a moral compass since the First Amendment allows me to do whatever I want.
Mike Lupica is the check and the balance.
Look, folks, this is easy. If you really hate Bonds, you ignore him. You don't write 10,000 articles about him, you don't Tivo his TV interviews and dissect every utterance that comes out of his mouth, and you don't pay "gold" prices to watch him play at Shea.
What circus? Nobody even cares about Barry Bonds anymore.
I know nobody cares because Mike Lupica told me so a few months ago:
"They will cheer him in San Francisco when he passes Babe Ruth, and we will hear again that his most vituperative critics hate him, the arrogant black star, for passing the white guy who has been one of the famous names in American sports since the '20s. As if Bonds is breaking some kind of record by passing Ruth. As if we care about that anymore."
Who care about passing Ruth? Nobody cares. Ruth is second place. Ruth is yesterday's news.
Well, nobody outside of San Francisco cares.
Except, of course for the circus. That follows him. In San Francisco and everywhere he goes.
Nobody cares except maybe a columnist who has written about him 10,000 times in the past three months.
"He is no victim of life's circumstances. And the fans who go out to Shea this weekend should make sure not to do anything that will make him out to be more of a victim. Nobody throws anything this weekend, the way they threw things in other cities. Nobody brings stupid banners. Nobody goes out on the field. Nobody does vulgar chants. Sometimes you have to be better than the guy you come to see."
Bold stance right there: "Please obey the law."
By the way, general rule of life: The "guy you come to see" automatically wins. Because you just came to see him. Nobody's scalping tickets to watch you run status reports from your cubicle in the dreary office park on Jericho Turnpike.
You just buried yourself deeper in credit card debt to watch Bonds play and your wife's a nag and your kids are failing History class and what's with the gas prices?
"You want to boo Barry Bonds in New York this weekend, have at him, do it at the top of your lungs, from the top of the first inning tomorrow night. You want to cheer him because you believe he was the best player in baseball for a long time, because you remember him for all those MVP awards he won before he began to grow faster than the budget deficit, because you don't care about steroids and what they've done to him and the record books, stand up and cheer for the guy, it's a free country."
Well, since it's a free country, I think I'll make a stupid banner and start a vulgar chant.
But thanks for the stamp of approval, Mike Lupica. Since it's a free country, I appreciate the behavioral guidelines. I need a moral compass since the First Amendment allows me to do whatever I want.
Mike Lupica is the check and the balance.
Look, folks, this is easy. If you really hate Bonds, you ignore him. You don't write 10,000 articles about him, you don't Tivo his TV interviews and dissect every utterance that comes out of his mouth, and you don't pay "gold" prices to watch him play at Shea.
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