Sweeney the Devil Rays Guy.

"Sweeney the Yankee Guy, and he is as much a Yankee guy as I know, says he would rather lose without A-Rod than win with him."

Let me start by pointing out that Sweeney the Yankee Guy is not Sweeny Murti. But Sweeny Murti was naturally the first person I thought of. Some clarification is probably appropriate, since most Yankee fans are familiar with Sweeny Murti.

I also don't really have any confidence that Sweeney the Yankee Guy really exists. Lupica seems to have a long list of friends and cohorts who conveniently pipe up with appropriate observations at appropriate times. Sort of like all the guys Lupica knows who were Tony Womack fans. Or the Red Sox fans who Lupica knows who rooted for Jeter in the World Baseball Classic. Most Red Sox fans I know would probably encourage Jeter to go for a motorcycle ride without a helmet.

I don't doubt that there are some fans like Sweeney the Yankee Guy. So, for the sake of this rant, let's assume Lupica really knows a self-proclaimed Yankee fan who'd rather see the Yankees lose without ARod than win with ARod.

Let me take a wild guess: Sweeney the Yankee Fan Diehard is one of the clowns who is booing ARod right now. Sweeney also hated the Clemens trade. Sweeney also booed Giambi a year ago. Sweeney also booed Tino. Sweeney also booed Girardi for replacing Stanley and then booed Posada for replacing Girardi.

Do me a favor, Sweeney the Yankee Guy: Get out of Yankee Stadium and stay out. True Yankee fans don't need you there. You stink up the joint.

Maybe Sweeney always thought he was a hardcore fan, but now he ought to realize he never was. The whole time, he was just a conditional fan. He roots for the Yankees depending on which players are on the Yankees.

You're the most faithful guy in the world except for that one time you cheated on your wife.

You're the most honest guy in the world except for a few grand on your income tax return.

Nothing wrong with rooting against the Yankees. It's a free country. But you should have enough integrity to correctly identify yourself. You are not a Yankee fan.

You can choose from plenty of teams that are losing without Alex Rodriguez. Sweeney should root for the Devil Rays. They fit the Sweeney criteria.

A Yankee fan never starts a thought with, "I'd rather see the Yankees lose ..."

I am trying to imagine scenarios where I'd root for the Yankees to lose.


I. Yankees are guaranteed a playoff spot but the choice is 3rd-best division winner or wild card winner. Then maybe I'd choose the Yankees to lose because I prefer the wild card opponent.

But you know what? Even that's thinking way too hard.

Last year, after 161 games, the Yankees clinched the division title. Rather than press for one more game and try to get home field advantage over the Angels, Torre decided to tank the game.

Unclear if the paying customers got refunds.


II. The Pope is kidnapped by anti-Catholic radicals and threatened with death if the Yankees win.

Well, this may require some negotiation.

If the Yankees have clinched the best record in the league and it's late September, then I'd be willing to trade that game for a human life.

If Shawn Chacon is pitching against the White Sox, then you know what? The Yankees will likely lose, anyway. Though it pains me to do so, it might be worthwhile to forfeit the game and save the bullpen.

But if the Yankees are still in the pennant race or it's a game vs. an AL East team? Well, sorry about that, your Popeness.

Seriously, is Pope Benedict XVII going to be that much different than Pope Benedict XVI?


One more observation for Sweeney the Yankee Guy. You want to see the Yankee lose without ARod? You're one pulled hamstring away from seeing it.

But no complaining if ARod gets hurt and the Yankees end up in third place.

That would be awesome, wouldn't it? Because you're such a hardcore Yankee fan. You're the biggest Yankee fan Lupica knows. You're Sweeney the Fraudulent Punk. I mean, Sweeney the Yankee Guy.