I must be a crazy stat junkie.

Call me crazy, but I'd bat the .321 hitter ahead of the .177 hitter.

Pretty close to a masterpiece.

If the bullpen can hold a (currently one-run) lead for two innings (knock on wood), Wang will be 5-0 with an ERA of 3.23,

He's not considered a true ace because he had a bad game against the Red Sox.

You know, the Red Sox. The only Yankee opponent that most people pay attention to. Well, not just the Red Sox. The Mets, too.

The playoffs, too. That's fair. Beckett obviously has a big edge in the playoffs at this point in their respective careers.

Maybe Wang is not considered a true ace because he doesn't typically strike out enough batters.

I'm not sure what the reasoning is. Whatever the reasoning is, it's flawed reasoning.

David Wright won a Gold Glove last year.

It was a ridiculous choice, this is true.

But there are only two baseball teams in New York. If you're going to obsess about the fielding abilities of a third baseman who plays in New York, you picked the wrong one, pal:

"Sometimes I get the idea that Tannenbaum and Mangini think they're as set with Kellen Clemens at quarterback as the Yankees are with A-Rod at third base.

And wonder what they're seeing in the guy that the rest of us don't."

When "the rest of us" watch ARod play third base, we think he's going to move to centerfield or first base. Because that's how bad he is at third base.

We're also pretty sure that Tony Womack is going to be a New York fan favorite any day now.

We're also pretty sure that Mike Cameron is a better fielder than Ken Griffey Jr.

"Here's a fun fact of the baseball season:

Even though he still isn't close to getting his batting average over the Mendoza Line of .200, David Ortiz has more RBI so far than A-Rod."

ARod can't field and he can't hit.

Got it.


My fun cherry-picky fact of the baseball season is that Andy Sonnanstine has more wins so far than Josh Beckett.


"There have to be nights at Dodger Stadium when Joe Torre misses A-Rod and Jeter the way kids at camp miss their puppies."

Joe Torre misses a third baseman who can't field and can't hit.

Think about it ...

Mussina pitches a decent game after being publicly pseudo-criticized by Hank Steinbrenner. The back page of the Daily News reads, "Take That, Hank."

As if Hank Steinbrenner was wounded by Mussina winning a baseball game for the Yankees.

As if Hank Steinbrenner is rooting against Mussina.

Hank is probably happier than anybody. He probably thinks he helped.

I almost cried tears of joy.

Joe Girardi uses Mariano Rivera in the 8th inning of a regular season game:

"The bullpen made things interesting in the eighth, as the tying run came to the plate after ineffective outings by LaTroy Hawkins and Billy Traber, but Mariano Rivera cleaned up the mess, recording the final five outs to save Mussina's victory.

'The game was on the line,' manager Joe Girardi said after Rivera was used for five outs for the first time since last July. 'To me, that's where we had to shut the door and close the game.' "

Seems too sensible to me. Mariano Rivera and Kyle Farnsworth may get too confused about their "roles." Then, they'll feel uncomfortable. Then, they won't be able to relax.

It reminds me of a player named Johnny Truck. I don't know his real name, but we always called him "Johnny Truck," or "Johnny the Truck."

Now, Johnny never made it to the big leagues -- he went into construction, I think --but, on the playground, Johnny would never relax. My brother Frank and I used to always say, "Johnny, you've got to relax."

That is how I learned that the most important thing is to relax.

That is why Farnsy had to pitch the 8th inning. We are saving Mo for games against the Mets or the Red Sox.

This is unpossible.

"Not a soul has extended a contract offer of any kind to the 43-year-old Bonds, even though last season the man hit more home runs (28) than sluggers like Vladimir Guerrero, Gary Sheffield, Travis Hafner, Aramis Ramirez or Derrek Lee.

...

And nobody seems to have come within a 10-foot pole of Sosa, despite the fact that he is not yet 40 and hit more balls out of the park (21) last season than such noteworthy swingers as Manny Ramirez, Troy Glaus, Miguel Tejada, Bobby Abreu or Jeff Kent."

How can a person who writes for a living not understand the difference between "or" and "and"?

This is basic "Conjunction Junction, What's Your Function?"

I could write "Sosa had more homeruns last year than Manny Ramirez, Alex Rodriguez, David Wright, Carlos Pena, or Prince Fielder" and that would be accurate.

I could write "In his short career, Robinson Cano already has more homeruns than Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, Hank Aaron, Ralph Kiner, or So Taguchi" and that would be accurate.

Ba dumb dumb.

"Remember when the New York Yankees had one single mission in life, and that mission was to suck every ounce of oxygen, joy and life out of each baseball fan on the planet who wasn't wearing a cap with an interlocking NY?"
I have no idea what you're talking about.

Seriously.

No.


"No, seriously, there was a time, way back when George Steinbrenner and Joe Torre were in charge, when the Yankees were wholly consumed by winning a World Series. They lived and breathed it, never bothering to pay attention to the smaller things that simply were a waste of their time."

"Way back" when George Steinbrenner and Joe Torre were in charge. Who are those guys? It was so long ago, their names have probably been lost to the cruel, unforgiving sands of time.


"Those proud Yankees never would have signed off on $50,000 to jackhammer through the concrete of a new stadium simply to dig out a David Ortiz T-shirt."

That's precisely the kind of nonsense that Steinbrenner loves. Evil Empire, Yogi Berra Day, Mystique & Allure, Monument Park, Curse of the Babe, on and on and on. Put Goose Gossage in a Toyota Pinstripe car and make sure Rizzuto has plenty of cannolis for good luck.

None of it ever helped win a single game, ever.


"Those proud Yankees inspired their fans to aspire to skyscraper heights."

It is definitely true. Jerome from Manhattan won a Nobel Prize and Billy Crystal starred in "Analyze That."


"Back then, this was the organization that retired (and retired, and retired, and retired, and kept retiring) numbers of the only true greats. And its fans, who would settle for nothing less, taunted players on other teams, not one of their own.

Not anymore."

You've never been to Yankee Stadium, have you?

I'd say there has never been a bullpen pitcher in my lifetime who didn't get taunted by the Yankee Stadium crowd.

Mariano Rivera was booed in early '05. Jeter was booed when he slumped in April one year. The fans cheered for Jaret Wright only when he left the mound with an injury.

Guys like Jeff Weaver, Javier Vazquez, Hideki Irabu, Armando Benitez, and Denny Neagle never had a shot.


"Today's Yankees are paranoid that a cotton shirt may wield more power than all of their resources combined, their fans are obsessing over the numbers on the players' backs and the best prospects in their rotation are pitching like they're auditioning for the, gasp, Florida Marlins."

Gasp ... the Florida Marlins? ... gasp!

The Yankees are not really paranoid, you moron. They're just digging up the shirt as a publicity stunt. It worked, evidently, and probably got a lot more than $50k in free advertising.


"No wonder Pope Benedict XVI was presiding over Mass in Yankee Stadium on Sunday while the Yankees were off in Baltimore, attempting to avoid being swept by the Orioles in three games there for the first time since 2005. Sunday, charity began at the Yankees' home."

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

I was watching this one local newscaster, and she said, "Lots of fans gathered at Yankee Stadium today, but it wasn't to root for ARod or Jeter ... "

That's kooky! The fans are at Yankee Stadium but they're not there to root for ARod or Jeter?

Then came the punchline: It was the Pope the whole time!

No, seriously, go with this angle. Because of the tense juxtaposition between a religious ceremony on a baseball field, the joke can never get old. It just can't.

"Hey, Pope! Why don't you bless Ian Kennedy, because his ERA is over 9.00!"

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

I tip my cap. It's all I can do. You're a pro-fess-io-nal wri-ter. You should send that stuff to the Tonight Show.

Perception = Reality?

The thing is so tacky and embarrassing, that it's difficult to believe that anybody would develop an emotional attachment to it.

But I seriously wonder how many Mets fans think this way:

"The apple represents the fun of the Mets," says Klein, a 26-year-old law student. "They are kind of the upstart kids and the fans really take that attitude to heart. The apple is part of that and it'd be a shame if it's not brought over to the new stadium."

Not just the fans, but the owners, coaches, players, etc.

The Mets have existed for 46 years and currently have the highest payroll in the National League, filled from top to bottom with highly-paid free agents.

But they're upstarts.

Walter Matthau is the coach and Tanner Boyle is the shortsop.

Just one word: "Plastics."

" '[Mussina] just needs to learn how to pitch like [45-year-old Phillies pitcher] Jamie Moyer,' Steinbrenner told the newspaper.

And as for Melky, I like his fielding, but he should learn how to hit like Ted Williams.

Track record.

"With cleanup hitter Jeff Kent taking the day off to rest his legs, Torre moved Andruw Jones from seventh in the batting order into the No. 4 slot, though the manager said the $36-million free agent would likely bat fifth or sixth in the future. Jones, who hit his first home run for the Dodgers the previous day, responded by striking out three times. He was 0 for 4, failing to get Juan Pierre home from third with one out in the eighth inning with the score still 2-1 by grounding out to short."

Now, it's not Torre's fault that the Dodgers signed Andruw Jones. But there is simply no excuse for batting him fourth.

Jones had 26 HRs and a .413 slugging percentage last season.

Jones has 1 HR and a .327 slugging percentage this season.

I already know the reasoning. Something about jump-starting Jones's (What's Torre's nickname for Jones? A.J.? Jonesy? The Druwster?) confidence and protection in the lineup from Ethier. Then, maybe a story about his Gil Hodges.

An email from a reader ...

"1. Got an e-mail the other day from a reader who said 'It sure does not seem like the manager change is doing anything.'

Well, duh."

Very odd email from "a reader" that you got "the other day." Those are some high journalistic standards, by the way. I was annotating my book reports more effectively when I was in first grade.

It's very odd because the differences are obvious In-game attitude and especially postgame attitude. Not that I particularly care about the postgame, but you'd think Graziano would have noticed.


"Could that be because the idea that the manager was the problem was concocted by fans (and some high-ranking team execs) who just got bored with Joe Torre after 12 years? Who just didn't like him anymore?"

Oh, and the players, too. Don't forget the players who got bored with Torre and didn't like him anymore. Torre was also bored with the Yankees, as evidenced by his recent comments.


"A manager change isn't likely to have any effect if the starting pitching is lousy, and right now the Yankees' starting pitching would have to come up about nine levels just to get to lousy."

Of course.

I think Girardi handled the bullpen quite well considering Joba's absence and a bunch of pitchers who can't get out of fourth inning.

Noticeable difference, right?

No seeming danger of the next Karsay, Sturtze, Proctor.


"The Yankees ranked eighth in the league in starters' ERA in 2007, sixth in 2006, eighth in 2005 and sixth in 2004. Only four teams make it to the American League playoffs every year.

So the guy the Yankees got rid of was somebody with a proven track record of managing a team to the playoffs in spite of a lack of playoff-quality starting pitching."

Wow.

This is one of the weirdest analyses I've read in a while.

Torre made the playoffs last year because the team scored almost 1,000 runs. During those seasons, the Yankees bottomed out at 886 runs scored.

As for "track records," he also had developed a track record of losing in the first round of the playoffs.


"The guy the Yankees got rid of had a proven track record of staying calm and cool through a tough start and making sure the team got to the playoffs."

The last-place 2008 Dodgers are learning quickly about his track records of tough starts.

I am sure the players, coaches, and fans in La La Land will have no problem staying calm and cool. They're hitting the beach by the end of the sixth inning, anyway.


"2. Girardi and the Yankees are insisting that the pitch Kyle Farnsworth threw behind Manny Ramirez's head 'just slipped' and was not intentionally thrown at the hitter who'd whacked two home runs in that same game. Baloney."

In Sunday Thought #1, you claim that things are not different with the new manager. Well, not you, but "a reader" who sent an email "the other day."

In Sunday Thought #2, you bring up Farnsworth's buzzing of Ramirez, which is something Torre would not have allowed.

So, there you go, dear reader: If you want an example of how things have changed, just read Sunday Thought #2!


As for the lie that the ball slipped, that's what every pitcher and manager say every time this happens. They are lying because they don't want to get suspended.

It's the same thing the Red Sox said on Friday night when they drilled ARod in the back.

This is why Red Sox fans shouldn't write for New York newspapers.

You know something is off when a New York sportswriter fetishizes the length of Manny's Yankee Stadium HRs, but doesn't even mention ARod's blast that almost reached the left-field bleachers.

If a Yankee pitcher is going to get suspended for three games, I'd at least like to see Manny's batting helmet split in two:

"Derek Jeter said Kyle Farnsworth buzzing Manny the other night didn't count, because Manny didn't get hit.

And I just want to see how amusing the Yankees think it is the next time somebody throws 100 behind the captain's ear."

The Yankees do not find it amusing when somebody throws behind Jeter's ear. This is because they are Yankees. That is how it works.

Believe it or not, the Yankees are not friends with the Red Sox, even though Joe Torre seemed to think so:

"Over that same six-year span, including postseason, Jeter has been plunked 12 times by Red Sox pitchers and A-Rod 10 times. By contrast, Yankee pitchers have hit Manny only three times (not including Farnsworth's near-miss Thursday night) and 'Big Papi'? Never. Interestingly, for all his considerable bulk, Ortiz has managed to enjoy a relatively pain-free existence while causing so much pain to opposing pitchers. Ortiz has only been struck by pitches just 23 times in 1,208 at-bats from 1997 through last year.

It'll be interesting to see if Farnsworth's buzzing of Manny was a signal that this trend is about to turn under Joe Girardi. Because, for whatever reason, Joe Torre seemed reluctant to order his pitchers to deliver 'message' pitches, with only Roger Clemens being more than willing to take on the role of enforcer and intimidator in recent years."

1) "For whatever reason" is that Torre is more concerned with his personal reputation as a nice guy than with helping his team win.

2) Clemens was not an enforcer or intimidator when he played for the Yankees. Two high-profile instances (Piazza and Manny in the ALCS), but that's it.

Brian Burres is the ace the Yankees wish they had.

He's the difference right now between the Orioles and the Yankees.

Heck, right now the Yankees could use Hideki Irabu.

The best pitcher with an ERA over 5.00.

"Wang vs. Beckett, right now. Who do you like?"

Last week, Wang threw a two-hit shutout at Fenway Park.

I don't think the difference between the Red Sox and the Yankees is the perceived gap between Beckett (2-1, 5.12) and Wang (3-0, 3.81).

Yes, durability is good.

It's actually quite entertaining to read about Pavano relaxing and watching the Yankee games on TV:

"Pavano's agent Tom O'Connell -- the fourth agent the right-hander has gone through in his career -- believes that Pavano would still be a desired commodity on the free-agent market this winter, even with his injury history.

'Carl's a 1-2 starter,' O'Connell said. 'Those guys don't grow on trees. Those guys are very rare, 200-inning guys are very rare in this game, and they're the ones that make the money. And he did it two years in a row, before he got hurt, and I'm sure he's going to do it again.' "

Over the course of the '07-'08 seasons, Pavano will pitch 11 1/3 more innings I will.

Eric Wedge is a madman.

7th inning, Cleveland winning by two runs:

- S. Casey walked
- J. Lugo grounded into fielder's choice, S. Casey out at second
- C. Crisp reached on bunt single to catcher, J. Lugo to second, J. Lugo to third on catcher V. Martinez's throwing error
- D. Pedroia singled to second, J. Lugo scored, C. Crisp to second
- R. Betancourt relieved J. Westbrook
- D. Ortiz struck out swinging
- M. Ramirez struck out looking
- End of Inning (1 Run, 2 Hits, 1 Error)

Why would you pitch to Manny Ramirez with the game on the line?

I'd have probably intentionally walked both Ortiz and Ramirez.

Sure, one run would have automatically scored, but at least the Indians fans cloud have slept easier knowing Manny Ramirez didn't get the big hit to beat their team.

Paul O'Neill hits his first World Series homerun.

Curse.

I can't be the only person who noticed that Ortiz is hitting, well, kind of poorly since his tee shirt was buried under Yankee Stadium.

I say keep the shirt there.

Just be sure to add Manny's shirt and freakin' Alex Rios's shirt, too, while you're at it.

Funny, I thought it was "Don't Let Big Papi Beat You."

Since Big Papi is the King Clutch Yankee Killer of all time.

Since Big Papi struck out, pitching to Big Papi was a good strategy.

Since Manny Ramirez got a hit, pitching to Manny Ramirez was a bad strategy

Baseball managing is so totally easy!:

"The problem, however, is that trying to walk the fine line with Ramirez opens the possibility for what occurred. If Youkilis beats the Yanks in that spot, so be it. You sleep if Youkilis beats you. But when it is Ramirez - when you break Commandment No. 1 of Yankees-Red Sox - sleep should be harder as that Ramirez highlight reel gets even longer."

The very next batter was Youkilis, who delivered a two-out RBI single for Boston's fourth run.

Boston won the game 4-3.

Sleep well, Yankee fans: Youkilis beat you.

Youkilis was the next batter and Youkilis singled to center.

Just throwing that fact out there.

So, if the strategy was to walk Manny and then let Bruney pitch to Youkilis ... well ... I don't know why anybody would think that would have worked.

It was only the sixth inning. Eighth inning with Mariano warming up, you probably play it differently. Ninth inning, it's an easy call. Though, even then, you open up the possibility of a cheap-o run with a walk or a hbp.

Also, what does Youkilis bat with the bases loaded? About .500? (I looked it up. It's .333. Like most big-league ballplayers, his batting average goes up when the bases are loaded.)

So, you're going to intentionally load the bases in the sixth inning?

No.

The strategy is to get Manny Ramirez out.

Manny Ramirez doesn't bat 1.000.

Because Bruney has an ERA of 0.00.

I think Giradi thought that Mussina had a better chance of getting Ramirez out than Bruney did. That's it.

After the game, that is what Girardi said.

I am completely satisfied that Girardi's decision-making critieria was simply picking the available pitcher who had the best chance of getting the out.

Girardi did not base this decision on ...

• A hunch.
• Mussina's seniority.
• A game that Bob Gibson pitched forty years ago.

Now, would you have brought in Joba in the sixth inning? It's worthy of debate, though Madden doesn't bring it up.

Would you have inentionally walked Ramirez in that spot? I sure wouldn't have. According to Madden, intentionally walking a guy in the sixth inning is an "obvious move." Your team is winning by a run and there are two outs in the inning, so it's an "obvious move" to give them a free baserunner.

Look, the strategy is hit on 15, okay? The strategy isn't more "right" when the next card is a 6.

TWIB Notes.

Just overheard on "This Week in Baseball" as they profile the Phillies: "Brett Myers forms a formidable 1-2 punch with Cole Hamels."

Deep down, I probably do miss Torre.

Because it's kind of fun to be infuriated.

Though it was nice to have a manager who didn't refer to David Ortiz as "Big Papi."


Does anybody else have a hunch that Joe Torre has never even met Bob Gibson?

I have heard so many Bob Gibson stories, it is starting to sound like a guy who's a virgin and explains his imaginary sexual exploits in unsolicited excruciating detail:

“You really can’t concern yourself with who you’re pitching against,” Torre said. “I remember Bob Gibson and Tom Seaver going against each other when Seaver was a young pitcher, and early in his career he wasn’t as (successful) as he was later because he was pitching against Gibson—and Gibson was pitching against the Mets.”

So, what you're saying is that early in Seaver's career, Seaver wasn't as successful as he was later in his career.

Because it was early in Seaver's career.

Also, because Seaver was pitching against Gibson ... and Gibson was pitching against the Mets ... naturally, since the Mets are the team for which Seaver played early in his career.

I am not sure I follow, and I definitely don't see the parallel between Gibson-v.-Seaver and Penny-v.-Peavy, but I'd like ask you about the NL MVP in 1971. Got any good anecdotes about the 1971 NL MVP?

The scrutiny comes with the salary ...

... I understand the phenomenon.

Yet, in the interest of fairness and accuracy, I wonder if Mike Lupica, while whimsically "shootin' from the lip," will point out that Alex Rodriguez had almost as many hits last night as "Big Papi" has the entire season.

"When most hitters try to stay above the Mendoza Line, they're referring to Mario Mendoza. Forget Mario: Big Papi could take some hitting lessons from Ramiro Mendoza!

Most ballplayers are slumping if their batting average is less than their weight. Big Papi isn't even hitting the weight of one of his own bowel movements!

Speaking of dumps, the next time I read a heartfelt eulogy to Shea Stadium will be one too many.

Somebody in my family had a birthday recently.

Whatever changes were made between the second and third seasons of 'Lost,' I have a suggestion for the writers: It's about time you 'found' it again.

I can not tell the difference between Rilo Kiley and Miley Cyrus. Talk about a Teenage Wasteland: I'll just stick with Baba O'Riley!

Also, buy my book."

Dammit is not even a word.

It should be "damn it," Professor Graziano:

"What the Yankees did last night with Ian Kennedy was insane and foolish, a clear case of overthinking the situation and outsmarting themselves. They may not have lost the game because of the move, but they deserved to."

It was neither insane nor foolish.

Since "words have meaning" and "the entire language is at risk of unraveling" if they don't maintain their meanings, I'd like to point out that "insane" means no grip on reality.

"Insane" is not telling Ian Kennedy to start pitching at the beginning of the sixth inning.

"Insane" is telling Ian Kennedy you'd like to order the veal scallops and complaining that your seat is too close to the air conditioning.


"There are two major problems with this quote, and they are as follows:

1. 'I didn't get fooled'

Yeah, Joe. You did. You thought the weather would do something, made your plan accordingly, and then it didn't do the thing you thought it was going to do. You got fooled, and your plan backfired."

The plan didn't backfire because it was just the Play It Safe plan.

Besides, the weather is just the weather. One can not be "fooled" by it.


"You ended up using your starting pitcher for the last three innings of a game, which makes no sense at all and can't possibly have done Kennedy or the team any good in the short or long run."

It didn't hurt.

The AL East standings described in econo spiel.

Hey, man ... I think your friend is passed out in the ba'froom.

Stupid question.

As LaTroy Hawkins is getting booed again at Yankee Stadium, I decided to search for Paul O'Neill at news.google.com. I wanted to see if anyone online had documented O'Neill's reaction this absurd lingering issue. I think O'Neill was surprisingly ungracious about it, but I may be wrong.

What's the particular gripe with Hawkins, anyway?:

"Surely you've heard the Yankee Stadium fans aren't taking too kindly to someone wearing Paul O'Neill's number. If they had to give away O'Neill's No. 21, shouldn't they have given it to a player other than LaTroy Hawkins? -- David C., Cresskill, N.J."

"They" didn't "give away" O'Neill's number.

I'm not even sure who "they" refers to. You know who he means: The Yankee-Uniform-Number-Giver-Outers.


Brian Hoch answers quite appropriately:

"Booing Hawkins before he even threw one pitch for the club seemed ridiculous to me, though he had a bad outing against Tampa Bay not long after that.

Hawkins said he wasn't even aware O'Neill wore No. 21 in New York, which won't endear him to Yankees fans, but he had a better reason for wearing the number -- as a tribute to Roberto Clemente. Jorge Posada would understand; Posada displays a pin in his locker that urges Major League Baseball to universally retire No. 21 in Clemente's honor."

Okay, I'm a pitcher for the Minnesota Twins for nine seasons. Five more seasons as a major league journeyman.

During this time, I faced thousands of major league batters, one of whom was Paul O'Neill. I probably faced O'Neill dozens of times. But I did not memorize his uniform number.

So, seven years after O'Neill retires, I join his former team, and Yankee fans expect me to just know what his uniform number was?

Same guy will say regular season doesn't count whenever the Yankees make the playoffs.

The Yankees lost a game to the Devil Rays and the season is only five games old. Today, Jeter will hit two homeruns and the season will be saved:

"The afternoon had that unmistakable ambience of so many others during the Yankee golden era – a flawless sky, happy home crowd, a young and inexperienced Rays team ready to be devoured by baseball's version of Microsoft."

The Yankees' goldenest era was 1947 - 1962. The Rays did not exist and neither did Microsoft.


"Andy Pettitte walking to the mound was the perfect finishing touch, too: Who better represents prosperity in the Bronx than this latter-day Whitey Ford?"

Whitey Ford never cheated, lied, or bailed on the Yankees to play for the Astros.


"Regardless of the origin of the crisis, Pettitte is all but naked without his two best pitches. Subtract the cutter and curveball from the menu, and all he's got left are the two-seam fastball (which he couldn't throw over the outside corner to right-handed hitters) and a four-seam fastball that once upon a time topped 90 mph, but no more.

...

There were no answers; only questions that, for one afternoon, managed to puncture the Yankees to the core."

Seriously?

This is a crisis which punctured the Yankees to the core?

If they'd won, they'd be 3-2. Instead, they are 2-3. The magic number for the Rays is down to 156.

It's the fifth game of the season, you knuckleheads.

This is what I just learned from three sports commentators on "The Press Box": Today's game if a must-win for the Mets and the reason they acquired Johan Santana. Panic will set in if the Mets don't win this game.

The uniform number is not the problem here.

"It didn't help that Hawkins wears No. 21, the number fan favorite Paul O'Neill wore. Some fans were even heard chanting O'Neill's name while Hawkins was getting rocked last night."

That's why it is tough sometimes to be a reliever. When Ian "Dead" Kennedy was getting shellacked -- while disgracing the uniform number of Hall of Famer Dave Winfield -- the fans were not yet angry because the game was still young.

Same thing happened today. Nobody booed Pettitte as he was getting shelled.
Ohlendorf gets booed after allowing one whole run.

Last place.

Torre is probably a good manager for self-motivated players or, say, a team of veterans who don't want to be forced to go over rundowns for the 10 millionth time. I would concede that the players could conceivably rebel and sabotage the season if they really hate their manager.

But if the idea is that Grady Little is more laid-back than Torre, then it's simply not possible.

Ever see those animation stills for collectors? You can't take your eyes away because your brain sort of expects it to move. But it never moves. It's potential energy that never actually translates into kinetic energy.

That's Torre in the dugout.

You can take one picture of Torre wearing his home uniform and one picture of Torre wearing his away uniform. Then you can fire the cameraman and use that same shot for the entire season:

"Of course, it's a fine line between first and fourth in the National League West, such a fine line that the very presence of Torre in a Dodgers uniform could be enough to make the difference. The difference, to this point, is most noticeable before the Dodgers take the field at Petco Park tonight for the start of a three-game series.

'Everything's in check here, under control,' said pinch-hitting specialist Mark Sweeney, a North County resident who's done three stints with the Padres. 'The respect, the credibility, all that good stuff that comes with (Torre), is pretty impressive. He's an elite manager who ultimately makes people better and makes them understand what it takes, day in and day out, to win.

'I think it's a perfect match, because what we've had here is a lot of West Coast feeling. I don't know if it's the weather or whatever, but there's always that laid-back sense that everything's OK. What I think he's brought is that mentality that you play the game the right way, no matter where you are or what your uniform says.' "

I'm warning you, pinch-hitting specialist Mark Sweeney, a North-County resident who's done three stints with the Padres: You are going to be baffled when your manager ignores the pitcher's lefty/righty splits and puts you out there because you have a "presence."

We can do without the condescension.

"Opening Day and conclusions don't really belong in the same sentence."

Yes, only bad sportswriters would do that.


"For the definition of the word conclusion is 'an ending' or a 'final summation.' "

Gee.

Thanks.

Another word loses its meaning.

"One scout says not to worry about Jimmy Rollins' atrocious spring (.188 with zero homers). 'He's a solid underrated player. I don't see any change.' "

So now the reigning MVP can be underrated? He won the MVP. Somebody must have rated him highly.

Panic, Paul O'Neill aficionados.