Let's get players who hit well in the playoffs. Duh! Brian Cashman is so stupid!

The Yankees fans, press, and players are all crazy right now.

Mark Teixeira said the Yankees live and die by the homerun.  Mark Teixeira actually said this.

Alex Rodriguez compared his 2007 MVP comeback season to his upcoming 2013 season.  Alex Rodriguez also said he had a good at-bat last night.  He hasn't hit a HR in a month and he hasn't had a hit off a righty in a long time.

So no matter how you analyze this ALCS collapse, the proposed fixes are bordering on the bizarre:


" 'We are still executing the Gene Michael playbook, which is predominantly left-handed hitters that take walks,' Cashman said the other day. 'They are selective. They’re typically big, hairy monsters, as I describe them, that hit the ball over the fence, hit doubles, singles, can hit home runs.

'What you are seeing right now is not a reflection of that. These guys are better than this. And you’ve seen it and we’ve seen it. We have a lot of guys that got cold at the wrong time and it looks bad, but this is not a reflection of who they are.'

Maybe you agree with that. Or maybe you think he’s delusional, because for more than six weeks now, the only thing we’ve seen is a lineup filled with 30-somethings who cannot hit situationally if their lives depended on it."

They're not taking walks, not hitting singles, not hitting doubles.

This has been going on all season, not just the past six weeks.


"The first three we’d choose: move A-Rod any way you can, and say sayonara to Swisher and Russell Martin. Our one concession to age is to give Ichiro Suzuki a reasonable deal — and we don’t care if he turns 39 on Monday, he had 73 hits in 67 games here and hit .322."

These moves may occur.


"It’s time to recognize Granderson for what he is: a No. 7 hitter who struck out 195 times and was erased from the lineup at the moment of truth. Guys who put up 84 homers and 225 RBI over two seasons don’t grow on trees, so some team should be willing to surrender a power-hitting third baseman and a young arm for him."

Wrong.  No team would be willing to surrender a power-hitting third baseman and a young arm.

Besides, how many teams have both a power-hitting third baseman and a young arm?

How many teams have a power-hitting third baseman?

Who is this power-hitting third baseman?

Texas is going to give the Yankees Adrian Beltre for Curtis Granderson?  Cool!


"It’s time to pursue guys who have October résumés — Torii Hunter, A.J. Pierzynski, David Ortiz — who can fill in your gaps in right field, behind the plate, and at DH. Yes, they don’t make the team any younger, but they’re all winning players who know situational hitting, which nobody but Jeter and Ichiro ever grasped on the present team."

Surrrrrrrre ... Torii Hunter, A.J. Pierzynski, and David Ortiz.  Get Ortiz some steroids a time machine to 2004 and we'll be all set.

The Yankees going to acquire all three and win the World Series next year.  Oh, and don't forget Adrian Beltre.  He'll also win the World Series with the Yankees next year.


Yay!  Mission accomplished.


Also, the analysis is all wrong.  Jeter and Ichiro are poor situational hitters. 

If you load the bases with one out, Jeter will k or GIDP. 

Ichiro abandoned small ball like every other Yankee.  Ichiro struck out, like, once in his first 50 Yankee at-bats.  Then, he hit two HRs in one game against the Red Sox.  After that, he was swinging like Alfonso Soriano.

Don't you remember how many times, in September, Ichiro failed to move a runner over or failed to get a runner home from third base?  I remember, because I lost a year off my life every time it happened.

Don't you remember Nix's leadoff double?  In the playoffs?  In a close game?  Followed by three ks in a row ... Jeter, Ichiro, and "Tex" the Gunslingin' Overweight Cowboy?

Just because a player avoids HRs does not mean that player is good at situational hitting.

Just because a player has a decent playoff batting average doesn't mean they can come to New York and pound Verlander in the ALCS. 


You know, it's weird.  These writers sound stupid when they're vague -- "get a power-hitting third baseman."  But then, when they're specific -- "get Ortiz, Hunter, and Pierzynski" -- they sound even stupider.  When they get specific, they sound like they're swapping baseball cards instead of trading actual real-life players.