Next time, just stop at two.

There is no rule that says you have to stretch to come up with a list of Five Things.

You can bullet two things or just write two separate paragraphs.

For inexplicable reasons, Jon Heyman stretched logic to a breaking point to achieve a list of Five Things.

In this case, it's the Top Five Yankee Castoffs who are achieving success with the Mets:

"1. Randolph. Yankees decision-makers never envisioned Randolph as a potential replacement for Joe Torre, and in fact the Mets' solitary pause before hiring Randolph came after so-so recommendations from Yankees people."

I don't know how true this really is.

The Yankees already had their manager and Randolph was a Yankee coach for a long, long time. His success with the Yankees undoubtedly helped his resume.

Upon Torre's long-overdue departue, would Randolph had been a serious candidate? He probably would have been.

Randolph got tired of waiting and, at this rate, Randolph undoutedly made the correct career decision. At this rate, Torre will be managing the Yankees until he decides to retire ca. 2050.

Randolph is achieving success this year with the Mets, but it's not accurate to label him as a Yankee castoff.


"2. Beltran. On the day he would sign with the Mets, he offered to become a Yankee for $99 million, a $20 million discount that agent Scott Boras rarely gives. But the Yankees turned Beltran away. Instead, the object of their affection was a pitcher 15 years' Beltran's senior, Randy Johnson."

Depends on how you look at it.

In 2005, Beltran was dogmeat and the Mets only won 83 games.

In 2006, Beltran has been an MVP candidate and Johnson has been a 5.00 ERA bust. But Johnny Damon had a nice little season himself with the Yankees.

See, put this decision in the context of Game Seven of the 2004 ALCS. Downtown Kevin Brown.

The Yankees specifically decided they'd rather have Unit on the mound with Crosby in CF than have Beltran in CF with, say, Jon Lieber on the mound. Pitching and Defense, people. Remember? Pitching and defense?

Two years later, Johnson has busted, despite 35 regular season wins.

But it's hard to regret the decision to add more pitching, pitching, pitching.


Not a huge deal.

If Heyman insists, I will give him the top two: "The Yankees regret missed opportunities with Randolph and Beltran."

Now is when the list gets really goofy:

"3. Hitting coach Rick Down. The day before Down was dumped by the Yankees following the 2003 season, Torre kissed him on the cheek and told him he had nothing to worry about. The next day the call came, but not from Torre: Down was fired."

Ummm ... I'm speechless.


"4. Jeff Weaver, Kenny Rogers and Jose Contreras (in 2005). Bronx pitching flops seem to find their groove as playoff participants after they leave. Weaver pitched another gem on Thursday night, save for Beltran's two-run home run."

To be truthful, I don't think the Yankee rotation would benefit from any of these pitchers.

The headline of this article reads, "Mets prosper thanks to Yankees' many poor decisions."

But what do Weaver, Rogers, and Contreras have to do with the Mets?


"5. Strawberry. Steinbrenner loves the big names, so even this one probably hurt. Straw looked great in orange and blue, except that he still needs to learn how to drop the lowlifes that tend to hang with him (beyond Steinbrenner, I mean)."

Besides the classy dig at the 76-year-old owner of the Yankees, this is really quite a stretch.

Seven years after winning his third ring with the Yankees, Strawberry is back with the Mets.

Throwing out the first pitch.

This supposedly bothers George Steinbrenner and Yankee fans for some reason.

In all honesty, I don't recall who has been throwing out the first pitch at Yankee games recently. Maybe Rudy Giuliani, maybe Drew Barrymore, maybe Yogi Berra, maybe Ronan Tynan.

It probably wasn't a degenerate wife beater like Darryl Strawberry.