Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Sassy.

Isn't anybody going to wonder why grown men were having sleepovers five days a week?

Can anyone imagine Thurman Munson having sleepovers with Carlton Fisk?

What the heck is a "sleepover," anyway? I haven't used that word since I was nine years old. I think a grown man might "crash at your place," but you don't have a "sleepovers" unless you also rent Woody Allen movies and have pillow fights.


In any case, I have a challenge for Wallace Matthews: If you were to describe Alex Rodriguez in the most homoerotic way possible, how would you do it?:

"Alex Rodriguez, Esq., strode into the dugout ready for his close-up, in designer jeans, leather slip-ons, a black windbreaker and a tan deeper than George Steinbrenner's pockets."

ARod has a nice tan -- and distracting clear, blue eyes -- like a pool that that's beckoning you into its deep end.


"The nickname 'Esquire' seems to fit because it is clear he will never live down the interview he gave to the magazine of the same name six years ago, which may have been the last time he was truly candid."

Esquire is not a nickname, it's a title.

A nickname might be "Sweet Cheeks" or "Honey Bun."


"This is the true curse of being A-Rod. It is not his October meltdowns or his defensive lapses or his disturbing failure to do much more as a Yankee than compile an impressive array of essentially meaningless statistics."

I don't think his impressive array of statistics are meaningless.

No more or less meaningless than any other player's statistics, though certainly more impressive.

Not in the last two playoffs, that's for sure.

But the degree of anti-ARod, Esq. sentiment seems to be something more than that.

Perhaps people don't like the way ARod sits in the dugout:

"It is that even sitting in a dugout, he always looks as if he just stepped out of the makeup chair and sounds as if he just finished memorizing a script. You're never quite sure when he's telling the truth or just acting out some homework assignment from his therapist. Everything comes off as pre-written, vetted, edited and rehearsed."

He loves me.
He loves me not.
He loves me.
He loves me not.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Everything comes off as pre-written, vetted, edited and rehearsed."

Hmmm, is he talking about AROD or Jeter? How come it's only AROD who comes across this way, but Jeter, who NEVER gives you any substance and always says the 'right' thing (except when it comes to AROD) gets a free pass. Why are there different rules for different people. Bottom line, Jeter is right and AROD is wrong - regardless of what they actually say.

Darren Felzenberg said...

It's not logical, it's love. I thought I loved baseball players, but I do not. I just love production on the baseball field. I think the animosity towards ARod stems from the $252 million contract and the Esquire article, which I forgot about ten seconds after it was published. A couple of bad playoff series don't fully explain it. Few in NY hate Alfonso Soriano, as a counterexample.