Slow News Day with Michael Kay.

"Hi Mike,
My wife and I are Yankee fans and, like most Yankee fans, watch the games on YES. A couple of weeks ago we observed something and saw the same thing during last Monday night's game against Atlanta. A couple of weeks ago, after a Jason Giambi home run, my wife observed "How come A-Rod isn't congratulating Giambi like the rest of the guys?" A-Rod was behind the plate taking practice swings during the high-fives. I thought nothing of it, thinking that A-Rod was just preparing for his at-bat. On Monday night, we both observed the same thing, on both of Giambi's home runs! Jason Giambi seems like a good guy and most of the guys on the team seem like they like him. Is there a little friction with A-Rod there?

Ralph C.— Poughkeepsie, N.Y."

Sheesh, Ralph C., that's what you get for watching the games with your wife.

"Why didn't ARod hug Giambi when he hit a homerun? Don't they like each other? Not 'like' like, but just 'like.' Oh, you know what I mean. Does this dress make me look fat?'"

At least Michael Kay may be able to provide some insider insight:

"Hi Ralph,
I actually think A-Rod and Giambi like each other and get along very well. I assume A-Rod is simply locked in to his upcoming at-bat, but I will ask him what the deal is and relay the information on one of the upcoming games."

Hi Michael,
Why don't you first ask Alex Rodriguez and then print the answer in this column? Thanks for nothing.

"Hello Michael,
I watch every game and even score them in my own crazy way. I love those boys to the point that when they lose it actually hurts. Anyway enough about my nonsense, here is my question: Skippy, how old is he? Does he play ball? And if so, does he have the desire to be a MLB player in the future?
Danielle Dawson — Santa Cruz, Calif."

Wow. A chick who watches the games is in love with the ballboy.

At least Michael Kay can provide insider access to the ballboy, since ARod and Giambi were seemingly unavailable:

"Hello Danielle,
I think Skippy is in college, and I am not sure if he plays ball in school. I will make it a point to ask him and pass it along on one of the broadcasts."

Hello Michael,
Let me explain how Q&A works. First, the question is posed. Then, the research is conducted. Then, the question is answered.

That's all.

You either the question or you do not. You don't say, "I will answer the question in the future."


Paraphrasing another question, "Will the Yankees trade their prospects?"

Kay answers: "I can't see them trading away the Canós, the Wangs or the Hughes to bring in a veteran that might help them this year."

For one thing, stop treating people as objects. Try this clean alternative: "I can't see them trading away Cano, Wang, or Hughes."

Secondly, why is Cano a plural, Wang a plural, and then Hughes a singular? "The Hughes."

"I am The Hughes. I am The Singularity. You Must Not Trade The Hughes."

Grammar aside, I actually agree with Michael Kay. Because you can never have too many Canos, Wangs, or Hugheseses.

DO NOT PANIC!!!

For years, while the Yankees cranked out 100-win seasons, more or less, I was supposed to get worried if they lost two out of three to the Angels or if Jeff Weaver tanked a game in July.

It's actually refreshing to see the Mets get the same treatment:

"But this 10-2 loss is not an isolated incident. After starting 5-0, when he probably should have started 9-0, he finds himself now at 7-4, without a truly signature Pedro Martinez start since that zero-zero duel with Brandon Webb exactly 30 days ago.

Is he hurt? Is he aching? Is he ailing? Is he aging? Is he all of the above? Is he none of the above?"

Pedro is 7-4, 3.45 ERA with 111 strikeouts.

The Mets are 12 games up.

Concern? There is no reason to even use that word.

The Mets shouldn't have a lot to worry about between here and October.

Or, as Mike Vaccaro puts it:

"They shouldn't have a lot to worry about between here and October."

I detect a pattern.

Mets Good:

"There are always going to be games when Billy Wagner looks whacked out on adrenaline. He is probably always going to blow more saves than he should. But I love his heart and I love his arm and I love the way he gets back up every time he gets knocked back down."

Yankees Bad:

"Is the other team supposed to have this many guys on base when Kyle Farnsworth is pitching the 8th?"

But you love Fransworth's heart and you love Fransworth's arm and you love the way Farnsworth gets back up every time he gets knocked back down?

No?

Hmmmm ... that's very interesting.

I think there is a sportswriter in a New York paper who just hates the Yankees:

"Who would you really rather have in the middle of your lineup, Manny and Papi Ortiz or A-Rod and Giambi?"

Manny and Ortiz. But it's close.

Who would you really rather have in the middle of your lineup, Rolen and Pujols or Delgado and Wright?

Rolen and Pujols. It's not even close.

But what's your point? There is no point.

Is your point that the Red Sox are better than the Yankees? Yes, the Red Sox are better than the Yankees.

You want to provide some insight as to why the Yankees are in danger of missing the playoffs this year? It's sure not because of Giambi or ARod.


"By the way, is there some way, short of an Act of Congress, to get Yankee announcers to stop calling A-Rod a 'great' third baseman? He's a great hitter, not a great third baseman, for all the props we give him about changing positions.

Which wasn't exactly a sacrament, either.

The only way he came here was to make the switch from short to third, and if he hadn't agreed to it, he was staying in Texas."

ARod is a great fielding third baseman. Probably the second-best fielding third baseman in the AL.

I know ARod's 2006 season hasn't been as good as his 2005 MVP season, in the field or at the plate.

On the other hand, most of his eleven "errors" are because Cano is late covering the bag or because Phillips can't scoop a ball he should have caught.

Oh, and watch that play ARod made in Philly the other night. Yankees lost, anyway, but did you see that play? It was even late and close with runners in scoring position. So ARod is clutch in the field.


We all understand that ARod moved to third base so he could get out of Texas and come to New York. Right after he won two straight gold gloves at shorstop.

Is this the behavior of a selfish ballplayer? Or would a selfish ballplayer just stay in Texas, ensuring more gold gloves at shortstop and a quicker route to 800 homeruns?

In Lupica Land, Yankees are always Bad. Because they're Yankees. Ipso facto and quod erat demonstrandum.

Consider the source.

A year ago, Lupica also thought ARod was moving to first base and, as soon as Lupica said it, ARod had, like, a 100-game errorless streak.

In the very same article, Lupica says that "if Jason Giambi is going to be on the team, he is nothing more than a part-time DH and part-time first baseman."

Bzzzzzzt. Wrong answer.


In Lupica's world, Mets are Good and Yankees are Bad.

As David Wright and Tom Glavine make their cases for 2006 MVP and Cy Young, Lupica will not point out that the "Mets would have made the playoffs without David Wright" or that Tom Glavine had too much run support.

These are illogical contrivances reserved for Yankees.

Poor Chris Turner.

Hidden in this preview is a small, but telling, error:

"... Marlins manager Joe Girardi, the Yankees bench coach last season who also played on four New York world championship teams ..."

I really don't quite know why some players are remembered and some are forgotten. Not Chris Turner so much. I wouldn't necessarily expect Yankee fans to remember Chris Turner. But I'd still expect the Associated Press to know Joe Girardi was gone by 2000 and got three rings with the Yankees, not four.


Give you another example:

You remember the 1998 Yankees, don't you? 125-50 and all that. Ruined baseball's competitiveness forever, Knoblauch pointed at the ball, Brosius hit those hrs in the World Series.

Of course you remember!

You also wistfully remember the bullpen. The good ol' days. Nelson, Stanton, Mendoza, Rivera.

Which righthanded setup man pitched the most innings that year? Nope. It was Darren Holmes.

Ron Darling, Esq.

Question: "Mr. Ron Darling, baseball wise, this question has been bugging me, and I think you would be the one to answer it. What kind of a pitch is a 'slurve'? This pitch keeps popping up in my baseball video game, and I'm not quite sure what it is."

Answer: "Hey Bernie you ask a very important question."

I was just in the middle of figuring out that whole cold fusion thing which would provide a limitless energy source and thereby transform the global geo-political landscape and reverse global warming. It's important enough. But your question about the slurve pitch in your video game is very important.


Question: "Ron, what is the best nickname for Lastings Milladge? I came up with: Blastings Milladge and Lastins Thrilladge -- any thoughts?-Dave Gordon, North Arlington, NJ"

It's Milledge, not "Milladge," you dork.

You spent all this time coming up with nicknames for your favorite player (really hilarious nicknames, by the way), and you don't even know how to spell the freakin' name.

Answer: "I am very hesitant about giving nicknames to rookies, especially in this town. You cannot call him the Thrill because that has had its place ... Will Clark of the SF Giants. There is only one LT in this town. How about having fun with his last name and call him the Badge -- when he's in a ballgame order is restored. Kind of weak on my part Dave, but I have full confidence that you will be enlightened with the proper nickname for LM."

Ron Darling, did you seriously just call him "the Badge" because it rhymes with "Milladge"?

You're right about one thing. That is kind of weak on your part.

Ted Ferguson, Bud Light Daredevil ...

... attempts to read a column by Hal Bodley and can't make it past the first sentence:

"Curt Schilling, as usual, has it right:"

What?!?!


"Joe Torre should be manager of the year."

WHAT?!?!

Clearance sale.

Buy two and we'll throw in a "Typhoon Irabu" tee shirt.

To all the fathers in Washington, D.C. ...

... Happy Father's Day, from Joe Torre!

Now, look, I know it's not all Joe Torre's fault. I also know the last two losses largely stemmed from Shawn Maricon's inability to get through the fifth when he was given nine runs to work with.

But if I were to say Torre mismanaged the bullpen the last two games, that would be giving Torre too much credit. In order to mis-manage the bullpen, one first has to actually manage the bullpen.

I also know today's options were limited, given the injuries and overuse. I also know Wang is a good bet to get a game-ending double play (undoubtedly, the first words out of Torre's mouth in the post-mortem recap).

But I saw the warning signs in the eighth inning. Only two walks of the whole game and a game-winning hit stolen by Cabrera.

Did you see the warning signs? Betcha did. Did everybody not named Joe Torre? I think so.

Oh, but at least today's game wasn't as bad as it can get. That was yesterday's game. Today's game was fun times.

Sweeney the Devil Rays Guy.

"Sweeney the Yankee Guy, and he is as much a Yankee guy as I know, says he would rather lose without A-Rod than win with him."

Let me start by pointing out that Sweeney the Yankee Guy is not Sweeny Murti. But Sweeny Murti was naturally the first person I thought of. Some clarification is probably appropriate, since most Yankee fans are familiar with Sweeny Murti.

I also don't really have any confidence that Sweeney the Yankee Guy really exists. Lupica seems to have a long list of friends and cohorts who conveniently pipe up with appropriate observations at appropriate times. Sort of like all the guys Lupica knows who were Tony Womack fans. Or the Red Sox fans who Lupica knows who rooted for Jeter in the World Baseball Classic. Most Red Sox fans I know would probably encourage Jeter to go for a motorcycle ride without a helmet.

I don't doubt that there are some fans like Sweeney the Yankee Guy. So, for the sake of this rant, let's assume Lupica really knows a self-proclaimed Yankee fan who'd rather see the Yankees lose without ARod than win with ARod.

Let me take a wild guess: Sweeney the Yankee Fan Diehard is one of the clowns who is booing ARod right now. Sweeney also hated the Clemens trade. Sweeney also booed Giambi a year ago. Sweeney also booed Tino. Sweeney also booed Girardi for replacing Stanley and then booed Posada for replacing Girardi.

Do me a favor, Sweeney the Yankee Guy: Get out of Yankee Stadium and stay out. True Yankee fans don't need you there. You stink up the joint.

Maybe Sweeney always thought he was a hardcore fan, but now he ought to realize he never was. The whole time, he was just a conditional fan. He roots for the Yankees depending on which players are on the Yankees.

You're the most faithful guy in the world except for that one time you cheated on your wife.

You're the most honest guy in the world except for a few grand on your income tax return.

Nothing wrong with rooting against the Yankees. It's a free country. But you should have enough integrity to correctly identify yourself. You are not a Yankee fan.

You can choose from plenty of teams that are losing without Alex Rodriguez. Sweeney should root for the Devil Rays. They fit the Sweeney criteria.

A Yankee fan never starts a thought with, "I'd rather see the Yankees lose ..."

I am trying to imagine scenarios where I'd root for the Yankees to lose.


I. Yankees are guaranteed a playoff spot but the choice is 3rd-best division winner or wild card winner. Then maybe I'd choose the Yankees to lose because I prefer the wild card opponent.

But you know what? Even that's thinking way too hard.

Last year, after 161 games, the Yankees clinched the division title. Rather than press for one more game and try to get home field advantage over the Angels, Torre decided to tank the game.

Unclear if the paying customers got refunds.


II. The Pope is kidnapped by anti-Catholic radicals and threatened with death if the Yankees win.

Well, this may require some negotiation.

If the Yankees have clinched the best record in the league and it's late September, then I'd be willing to trade that game for a human life.

If Shawn Chacon is pitching against the White Sox, then you know what? The Yankees will likely lose, anyway. Though it pains me to do so, it might be worthwhile to forfeit the game and save the bullpen.

But if the Yankees are still in the pennant race or it's a game vs. an AL East team? Well, sorry about that, your Popeness.

Seriously, is Pope Benedict XVII going to be that much different than Pope Benedict XVI?


One more observation for Sweeney the Yankee Guy. You want to see the Yankee lose without ARod? You're one pulled hamstring away from seeing it.

But no complaining if ARod gets hurt and the Yankees end up in third place.

That would be awesome, wouldn't it? Because you're such a hardcore Yankee fan. You're the biggest Yankee fan Lupica knows. You're Sweeney the Fraudulent Punk. I mean, Sweeney the Yankee Guy.

Accuracy.

There's a self-perpetuating theory among the tabloid sportswriters that Steinbrenner craves the back page. Steinbrenner's going to panic if the Mets start getting to back page.

Well, the Mets just finished up a 9-1 road trip on the same day ARod hit a ball 500 feet. Negative ARod articles dominate the back pages. Do us all a favor and write an article about the Mets!

Bob Klapisch struggles with accuracy and logic in this sneering, reverse-psychology piece:

"Yes, says Alex Rodriguez, he knows what you think of him. He knows what goes through your mind when the Yankees are rallying and he brings that long, beautiful (and increasingly useless) swing to the plate."

He has slumped in May, but he is showing signs of breaking out of it. A whopping two-game hitting streak and a whopping 500-foot homerun.

When you say increasingly useless, it should mean increasingly useless.


"Whether it's self-pity or cool calculation, there's no arguing the indictments all stick now. Think A-Rod hits empty home runs? Sure enough, he blasted a 457-foot monster in the seventh inning -- when the Yankees were down by five runs."

So, the homer wasn't useless at all. Just because the Yankees ended up losing doesn't mean it was useless.

When the Yankees are down by five runs, the only way to get back is to start scoring runs. Then, when the game is over, you might score more than the other team. Which is how you win.


But this is all nitpicking before Klapisch drops this mathematical bomb on your head:

"Convinced he can't hit when it counts? A-Rod is ... 2-for-16 with runners on base in June, and even worse (1-for-8) with runners in scoring position."

A .125 batting average is bad in any context.

But a .125 batting average is not worse than .125 batting average.

Accentuate The Positive, Eliminate The Negative.

Commissioner Lurch always finds the black cloud in the silver lining:

"Dear Baseball Fans:

Major League Baseball has had record attendance for two years running and may set another record this year. It's early, but pennant and wild-card races are competitive throughout our divisions. Baseball is enjoying a golden age of fan support and excitement. Our great game has never been more popular."

Yes. Yes! YES!!!

Maybe he's learning.

Baseball sure is a great game, isn't it?


"Yet, despite the good news in Baseball, there are problems."

No. No! NO!!!

You're the commissioner. You're the CEO. You're the #1 Salesguy.

Never use the word "problem." Ever.

It's a challenge. It's an unfortunate occurrence. It's an improvement opportunity.


"I was disappointed and angered by revelations that a Major League player had acknowledged using human growth hormone (HGH), a performance-enhancing substance banned by Major League Baseball, and had said that others were using HGH as well."

Dude: "Buzz kill."

Will you just stop it?

You reluctantly talked about the great game of baseball for one whole paragraph. Then you dive into a full page of the problems.

Bud, all the cynical sportswriters have got the negative publicity thing covered. Your job is to get in a Cadillac and follow Barry Bonds around from city to city, offering $100,000 to anybody who catches a HR ball.

It's the Bud-N-Barry "I Live For This!" Tour.


Now contrast Fuddy Duddy Bud with Robert Johnson, announcing the hiring of failed basketball executive Michael Jordan:

"I'm thrilled to have my friend, Michael Jordan, join me in my business and sports pursuits. I not only respect Michael for his basketball knowledge and expertise, but also for his business skills, particularly in branding and marketing.

Michael will provide invaluable management input to a Bobcats team that is poised to deliver results for the 2006-2007 season and beyond."

See? That's not so hard.

Whatever you do, never bring up last season's 26 wins.

Roar!

Did Mike Vaccaro really take a "stroll through town" and count the Mets caps?:

"But really, this isn't all about performance. It's about buzz. It's about keeping your ear to the sidewalk, hearing what the people are talking about. Right now, Yankees remain the dominant team in the market, they sell 50,000 tickets every night, TV ratings are high, merchandise still flies off shelves, and there's 12 uninterrupted years of success to draw upon.

It's just a smaller difference now. And there are weekends, like the one just past, when you take a stroll through town and it's starting to look and sound and feel an awful lot like the middle '80s again."

It's all about performance.

It's always all about performance.

The Mets just won five in a row at the same time the Yankees lost four in a row. That's performance, not buzz.

The Mets have 6 1/2 on Philadelphia while the Yankees are one game back of Boston. That's all that really matters.

So, it's definitely the wrong time to declare Yankee supremacy. Beltran is better than I thought, Unit is worse than I thought, and the Yankees simply have way too many injuries. But Vaccaro should know by now that the Mets could have a bad week and get a few injuries, too.


Throwing caution to the wind, Mike Lupica boldly declares the Mets the best team in baseball:

"The Mets aren't just the best team in New York right now, they are the best team in baseball. The Tigers have a better record, but nobody believes they could beat Willie Randolph's team straight up."

I just spit my coffee.

I absolutely believe the Tigers could beat the Mets straight up. I'm somebody! I'm somebody!

But I'm not sure what it even means to "beat the Mets." Over the course of the next 100 games? In a seven-game series?

Nobody believes the Tigers can win more games than the Mets this season? Nobody believes the Tigers could beat the Mets in a seven-game series?


What does Mike Lupica have against the Tigers? Why aren't the Tigers exciting? Why don't the Tigers have personality? Why don't the Tigers have an exciting blend of old and new?

Lupica isn't impressed with the rookie relievers on the Tigers who throw the ball 100+ mph? Combined with the artistic lefty veteran, Kenny Rogers?

It's an exciting blending of old and new! It's a mix of veterans and emerging homegrown talent, many of whom suffered through a 120-loss season just three years ago.

Wow! Come to think of it, the Tigers are way more appealing than the Mets and all their high-priced free agents, trying to buy a World Series title, money-beating the Diamondbacks.

I think Lupica may have just convinced me. Go Tigers! Roar!


But I know this isn't really about the Tigers. It's about Alex Rodriguez:

"But Beltran, such a disappointment last season, is having the kind of MVP stretch Yankee fans want from A-Rod."

The entire 2005 season was an MVP stretch from ARod. Literally.

ARod was also just named Player of the Month in the AL. Just last month.

You know what it's like defending ARod? It's like defending ice cream and pizza.

You know what it's like waiting for ARod to produce? It's like waiting for the sun to rise in the East.

.300, 40, 120 every year. Plus or minus 10 percent.

If that's not carrying a team, then there is no such thing as carrying a team. If Yankee fans are not satisfied with those kind of numbers, then they're spoiled and ignorant.

Besides, even if Beltran is putting up MVP numbers, they're all in blowout wins and he doesn't really have the "it" factor. If you want to be thought of MVP around here, you can't just bust up the furniture in 15-run blowouts of the Diamondbacks.

Has anybody seen the bridge?

The problem with the Yankee bullpen is not the Yankee bullpen:

"Heading into a three-game series with Cleveland tonight at the Stadium, Yankees starters have averaged fewer than 5 2/3 innings over the past 25 games. They've lasted more than six innings just seven times and have managed just nine quality starts of six innings pitched or more with three or fewer earned runs.

The bullpen, meanwhile, has pitched 86 innings, more than 3 1/3 per game."

In 1996, Mariano Rivera pitched 107 innings and was "the bridge" to John Wetteland.

Not surprisingly, Joe Torre found something that he liked. He liked it so much that Paul Quantrill and Mike Stanton are 1-2 in Yankee single-season appearances.

Don't get me wrong: Of course a great bullpen is an asset that helps a team win. But the starting staff is way more important.

The problem is not Kyle Farnsworth. The problem is Randy Johnson, Jaret Wright, and Shawn Chacon.

Hand a four-run lead over to Farnsworth & Myers in the 8th inning and they'll get just as many "holds" as Nelson & Stanton.

Crock of IT.

This argument will probably go on forever and you know where I stand.

Even after this Weekend of Horrors when ARod had the nerve to hit a mere .300. Throw in a couple walks and a stolen bases and, you know, it's not nearly as bad as, say ... well, you know who I'm going to say. Actually, take your pick.

ARod only had one rbi in three games, but it was a 2-out RISP single. The man is clutch like that. Too bad Jeter got thrown out at third on the play -- might have killed a rally by trying to do too much because of the absence of Sheffield and Matsui.

That is what the numbers say and also what my eyes saw:

"This is not a subject I tackle with naivete. We live in an era of advanced statistical analysis and, en masse, that group would tell me - is probably writing e-mails to tell me - there is no such thing as clutch or non-clutch, and that qualities such as IT are media-generated hogwash. I take the research seriously and, I agree, intangible qualities have been thrown around far too much in baseball coverage. But how do you disregard your eyes completely? How do you ignore that at the most intense moments Rodriguez seems to be carrying his 32-ounce bat and the weight of the world into each at-bat?"

1) Advanced statistical analysis? How about just batting average?

ARod's batting average this year increases with runners on base, with RISP, and with RISP and two outs.

2) Name one moment this weekend that qualifies as "intense."


I think the writers, fans, and even the manager have the template for the story before it's even written.

That's how a mid-June series vs. Oakland can somehow be "intense." Yesterday's game was only "intense" because ARod went 0-for-3. It's a regular season statistic-accumulating waste of time if ARod hits two homeruns.

That also explains how Jeter can go 1-for-13 in the series and Joel Sherman will not even notice. Since it doesn't fit the story, he completely disregards what he sees with his own eyes.

Maybe Money Can't Buy Happiness ...

... But Neither Can Just Being Poor.


Yankees are in first place by half a game on June 9th and 12 games over .500.

Either the glass is half full or the glass is half empty.


Dan Graziano:

"But with a little more than 100 games left in the season, it's those injury-ravaged Yankees who look like the best of the bunch. And not just because they're the ones in first place."


Wallace Matthews:

"The truth is, the Yankees problems run much deeper than the loss of two power-hitting corner outfielders. The $25-million third baseman fields as if his glove were made of concrete and can't stick his head out of the dugout without being drowned in boos. If Giambi doesn't hit the ball out of the park, he raps it right at the second baseman playing in shallow rightfield. Bernie Williams, intended as a DH and occasional outfielder, now must play the field every night. Wright is still unreliable beyond five innings, and lately, watching Scott Proctor is about as pleasant as visiting your proctologist."

Let's see...

1) The Yankees only pay ARod $16 million, just so you're not misled.

ARod does not field as if his glove were made of concrete. He is one of the best fielding third basemen in baseball. If a sportswriter says that ARod's glove is made of concrete, you should know instantly that this sportswriter is incompetent at his craft.

2) "If Giambi doesn't hit the ball out of the park, he grounds out to second base."

Hmmm ... interesting criticism. "When baseball players don't get hits, they make outs." It's true for every ballplayer ever.

But as of this moment, Giambi has the highest on-base percentage in the entire American League. So, while Giambi certainly grounds out to second base a lot, he makes out less often than any other player in the entire American League.

So, he's one of the Yankee problems, or something? The kind of problems that run deep?

3) Bernie Williams. You got me there. Despite two homeruns in two nights, he really isn't a viable everyday rightfielder anymore.

But you just said the Yankees wouldn't miss Sheffield because he hasn't even been in a World Series in two whole years and the $350,000 players are better.

You just said "while the news out of the Yankees clubhouse last night sounded bad - surgery on Sheffield's mangled left wrist with a minimum of three months' recovery, if not the entire season - really, how much worse can it get?"

Is this Jeopardy?

"I'll take 'Holes in The Argument' for $400, Alex."

"The answer is 'Bernie Williams.'"

"How much worse can it get?"

"Correct."

4) Watching Scott Proctor is about as pleasant as visiting your proctologist? Good pun. It's true that Proctor has been awful lately.

But methinks Mr. Matthews doth protest too much. I get the feeling he shows up at his proctologist's office about once a week with a new "problem" that required deep, prolonged, satisfying probing. Just the snap of the glove is enough to get him excited.


Oh, and do you remember how Gary Sheffield almost won the MVP two years ago? Remember what a fabulous free agent signing Gary Sheffield has been?

Turns out, you were wrong:

"If Gary Sheffield has played his last game as a Yankee - and the odds are at least 50-50 that he has - then the sum total of his Yankees career is as follows: 238 games played, 1,280 at-bats, 374 hits, a .292 batting average, 74 home runs and 263 RBIs."

I don't feel like adding up Sheffield's stats for the past 2 1/3 seasons. The production stats sound reasonable.

But I know for a fact Sheffield played in more than 238 games. Matthews probably meant to say 338 games. Even though 263 rbis in 238 games would be, like, really good.

Pretty impressive. But in the categories in which the real score is kept around here, the Sheffield Era is decidedly underwhelming. Try eight playoff victories, eight playoff losses, no world championships and not a single World Series game."

Not a single World Series game!!! In two whole years!!!

Wow. I didn't think two years even counts as an "era."

But at least now I know it wasn't all ARod's fault.

It Must Be ARod's Fault.

I realize I am on guard looking for unfair ARod criticism. Maybe I'm too sensitive.

But check out the New York Post and tell me if I'm wrong.

First, King George the Lazy missed the change to the official scorer's decision:

"A-Rod, who made an error that helped fuel a three-run sixth, was booed by 55,225 when he fouled out in the seventh and fanned to end the game. A-Rod, who leads the Yankees with 11 errors, is in a 1-for-15 (.067) slide since returning from a stomach virus Sunday."

It wasn't even an error.


So Larry Brooks describes the play correctly, but somehow tries to pin a six-run loss on ARod:

"Rodriguez went for the backhand and Jason Varitek retreated to third. But the ball hopped over the third baseman's glove into left field, and the tie had been broken an inning before the Sox broke it open. At first it was ruled an error, but the decision was later reversed, with Gonzalez awarded a double. That made little difference to the crowd, which booed A-Rod with great vigor throughout the remainder of his 0-for-4 night."

Now, remember, the Yankees lost by six runs:

"And the Yankees might even have been able to escape with a victory last night, anyway, had Alex Rodriguez been able to field Alex Gonzalez' hopper down the line with one out in the sixth, the score tied, and runners on first and third."

Yeah, sure. The Yankees would have lost 8-3 instead of 9-3.

Yankees Rained Out; Steve Politi Rejoices.

Even though everybody else thought Wednesday night's Yankee game was exceedingly exciting, Steve Politi was just going to write this stick-in-the-mud article no matter what.

That's the funniest part. Politi was writing an article about how boring Yankees-Sox games are in early June, and then we get a classic like that. But Politi just goes ahead with the same article:

"Bored is a good word to sum up the emotion around Yankees vs. Red Sox these days -- a bitter rivalry dulled by too many games, way too early, and few of them memorable."

I pretty much remember all of them.


"Yes, left fielder Melky Cabrera made a leaping grab in the eighth inning last night to preserve a 2-1 victory, but that would have been spectacular against any team."

Fair enough, but nobody would have seen it.

Like it or not, most so-called Yankee fans watch Opening Day, the Red Sox, the Mets, and the playoffs. Most fans pay attention to about 30 games per year.

One of the reasons I like watching baseball games is that similarly exciting plays occur on a daily basis. Damon has been banging up against the wall all season, but if it beats Toronto, nobody pays attention.


"Make a list of the 10 most exciting sports moments for this city in the past five years, and this rivalry has produced half of them. Aaron Boone's dramatic home run. The historic Red Sox comeback. The walk-off home runs and the bench-clearing brawls and the bloody sock.

With each new moment, our expectations keep rising. We want more. We expect more. But lately, the rivalry is starting to feel like Law & Order -- every time you look up, it's on TV."

I don't want more. I don't expect more. I expect a baseball game between the Yankees and the Red Sox. I fail to see how this game would have been more exciting if if had been played in mid-August.


"The two teams have played 79 times in the regular season over the past four seasons and another 14 times in the playoffs, a total of 93 games. That's seven more games than the Giants and Cowboys have played against each other in their entire NFL history."

That's very odd because baseball teams play more games than football teams. Ten times more, every season. Unclear what that has to do with last night's baseball game.

Yankees have played more games against the White Sox than Mark Spitz has won gold medals.

Yankees have played more games against the Devil Rays than Vietnam has had wars with Cambodia.

You see, I enjoy watching baseball games. I find it pleasurable and emotionally engaging when the Yankees play the Red Sox and even when the Yankees play other teams. If you're bored with Yankees-Sox -- if you're bored with Wednesday's game -- then maybe you're not a fan of baseball in the first place.

More defensive than Melky Cabrera.

I think somewhere in here, Willie Randolph probably makes a good point about putting team goals ahead of personal goals.

Still not sure why he didn't use Wagner:

"When your mentality is winning, you do what it takes to win the game. It's not about personal goals for anyone. He's my closer and I want him to get as many saves as he can get. "

Okay, but why didn't you use Wagner?

"That's fine, just like you want guys to get home runs, base hits, whatever, okay. I'm not thinking about one inning, one play."

Okay, but why didn't you use Wagner?

"I'm not trying to follow any shape or form. I'm not trying to be like anybody. I'm just trying to go by what I know about baseball and my team. I never believe in conforming to any type of tradition or standard of doing things."

Good for you. Why didn't you use Wagner?

"I understand what a save means. I understand that players like saves, closers like saves. But I like wins."

I like wins, too. Why didn't you use Wagner?

"What's unconventional about it? Unconventional in that you buy into the whole theory that if a save situation comes up (Wagner) has to have that?"

Yes, unconventional in that you buy into the whole theory that if a save situation comes up (Wagner) has to have that.

"I don't come from that. I come from winning. Winning the game. That's all I come from. I let my guys have their stats and everything but that means nothing to me."

Oh, now I get it. You thought using Billy Wagner was going to hurt your team's chances of winning. That's all you had to say.

Go root for the Marlins.

Mike Lupica is temporarily back on the Yankee bandwagon, even though I don't think the Yankee fans want him:

"The Yankees did not have Derek Jeter in the starting lineup last night, Gary Sheffield is on the disabled list, Hideki Matsui is long gone. The Yankees keep winning. They keep scoring, even with Cabrera in left and Miguel Cairo at short and Phillips at first. Against Boston last night they got an upper deck home run from a big-ticket star like Jason Giambi, but they got one from Phillips, too, his third home run in his last seven games."

What cracks me up is that Lupica doesn't enjoy the three-run homerun by Giambi, but he enjoys the three-run homerun by Phillips.

Don't believe me?

Does it sound too ludicrous to be true?:

"It is different this season. The Yankees can still money-whip you, don't worry about that. But they can also win with Cabrera and Phillips. It makes them more appealing."

Ladies and Gentleman, we have a line in the sand.

Let me shout from the mountaintops that Derek Jeter plays appealing baseball.

I need to testify that Hideki Matsui plays appealing baseball.

Can I have a witness?

Gary Sheffield ... is a'hitting ... over .300 ... every year ... and also a'hitting ... 30 homeruns ... I ain't talkin' 'bout no singles ... I ain't talkin' 'bout no doubles ... I ain't even talkin' 'bout no three-base hits ... I'm a'talkin' 'bout a homerun ... a round tripper ... a four-bagger ... a big fly ... it is high ... it is far ... O, Lord, it is gone!

Open up the window Aunt Minnie because Gary Sheffield is up at the plate ... and driving in one hundred runs ... it is APPEALING!!!

It's appealing! It's appealing! Talkin' 'bout appealing! It appeals to me! It appeals to you! It appeals to my brothers and sisters all around the world!

Can I get an amen?


"Cashman still spends Steinbrenner's money. Will always spend money."

Hallelujah!

"Spent it on Johnny Damon over the winter ..." (appealing) "overspent to keep Matsui a Yankee ..." (appealing) "the Yankees are still right there at $200 million and around $75 million clear of the field." (appealing)

"But they win these days with Cano, Phillips, Scott Proctor, Chien-Ming Wang. And Cabrera, who has been more appealing than any of them."

Didn't Lupica just point out that the Yankees played last night without Jeter, Matsui, and Sheffield? Whose combined salaries this year are approximately $50 million?

Not to get all Einstein on you, but that means the Yankees are not "right there" at $200 million when the injuries are taken into account. Last night, they were closer to $150 million. That's just common sense.


In 2005, the Year That Lupica Forgot, the Yankees won 95 games with Cano, Phillips, Scott Proctor, and Chien-Ming Wang. Even though Our Glorious Manager, Praise Be Unto Him, said that Giambi couldn't DH, so Tony Womack got 325 at-bats while Andy Phillips got 40 at-bats.

The Yankees also won with Aaron Small going 10-0 (yawn) and major contributions from Shawn Chacon. Personally, I thought both players were similarly appealing, even though Mike Lupica couldn't bear to watch.


I think I get it. Mike Lupica is bored with expensive veterans. Lupica claims that this type of palyer does not appeal to him.

But he doesn't mean it.

If Lupica really didn't enjoy teams that money-beat the competition, then he would stop rooting for the Mets.

Steal Home Next Time.

If Larry Bowa doesn't like it, maybe he should yell at the catcher, not the baserunner:

"When Corey Patterson stole second and third in the seventh inning with the Orioles leading by six runs Larry Bowa believed Patterson was rubbing it in the Yankees' nose.

From the top step of the third base dugout, Bowa let Patterson have it.

'I told him to play the game the right way,' Bowa said. 'That was terrible.' "

Stealing third with one out is playing the game the right way.

The punch line is that the Yankees loaded the bases with no outs in the very next inning. With a left-center field power alley that's a mere 360 feet away.

Look around, Larry. It's 2006, it's the American League, it's the Baltimore Orioles bullpen. Six-run leads don't mean what they used to.


Last week vs. Detroit, Damon unsuccessfully tried to steal second base when the Yankees had a six-run lead. I'm not sure if Bowa had a problem with this maneuver. Maybe Bowa believes there is a moral distinction between the third inning and the seventh inning.

Before you could say "Leo Durocher," the Tigers had the tying run at second base and the go-ahead run on first base. With the, err, "enigmatic" Kyle Farnsworth on the mound for the Yankees.


New rule for all the crotchety old school coaches and managers: When in doubt, rub it in.

My team has full freedom to rub it in every chance they get. Extend the game. Wear out the opponent's bullpen. Pad your stats.

Which means the other teams will do the same thing to you every chance they get. Boo hoo. If you don't like it, then you can stop it by scoring more runs than they do.

Feel Free To Boo Mike Lupica. Vituperatively.

"There was the suggestion that the circus around Bonds, the one that exists around him in San Francisco and everywhere he goes, would subside now that he has caught Babe Ruth and passed him. That surely doesn't happen yet. Only five days after getting to 715, he comes to Shea Stadium. He comes to New York."

What circus? Nobody even cares about Barry Bonds anymore.

I know nobody cares because Mike Lupica told me so a few months ago:

"They will cheer him in San Francisco when he passes Babe Ruth, and we will hear again that his most vituperative critics hate him, the arrogant black star, for passing the white guy who has been one of the famous names in American sports since the '20s. As if Bonds is breaking some kind of record by passing Ruth. As if we care about that anymore."

Who care about passing Ruth? Nobody cares. Ruth is second place. Ruth is yesterday's news.

Well, nobody outside of San Francisco cares.

Except, of course for the circus. That follows him. In San Francisco and everywhere he goes.

Nobody cares except maybe a columnist who has written about him 10,000 times in the past three months.


"He is no victim of life's circumstances. And the fans who go out to Shea this weekend should make sure not to do anything that will make him out to be more of a victim. Nobody throws anything this weekend, the way they threw things in other cities. Nobody brings stupid banners. Nobody goes out on the field. Nobody does vulgar chants. Sometimes you have to be better than the guy you come to see."

Bold stance right there: "Please obey the law."

By the way, general rule of life: The "guy you come to see" automatically wins. Because you just came to see him. Nobody's scalping tickets to watch you run status reports from your cubicle in the dreary office park on Jericho Turnpike.

You just buried yourself deeper in credit card debt to watch Bonds play and your wife's a nag and your kids are failing History class and what's with the gas prices?


"You want to boo Barry Bonds in New York this weekend, have at him, do it at the top of your lungs, from the top of the first inning tomorrow night. You want to cheer him because you believe he was the best player in baseball for a long time, because you remember him for all those MVP awards he won before he began to grow faster than the budget deficit, because you don't care about steroids and what they've done to him and the record books, stand up and cheer for the guy, it's a free country."

Well, since it's a free country, I think I'll make a stupid banner and start a vulgar chant.

But thanks for the stamp of approval, Mike Lupica. Since it's a free country, I appreciate the behavioral guidelines. I need a moral compass since the First Amendment allows me to do whatever I want.

Mike Lupica is the check and the balance.


Look, folks, this is easy. If you really hate Bonds, you ignore him. You don't write 10,000 articles about him, you don't Tivo his TV interviews and dissect every utterance that comes out of his mouth, and you don't pay "gold" prices to watch him play at Shea.

Winning is the only brand.

"Jose Reyes has a smile that stretches from home all the way around to third."

Have you independently verified the awesomeness of Jose Reyes's smile, or are you merely citing Kevin Kernan?


"But of all the things to like about the Mets' third baseman, a particular joy is his joy itself."

Kewl!


"The Mets don't just have a team leading the NL East on the last day of May. They have a brand. Whether Milledge sticks this time or the next time, he fits that brand better than 34-year-old Manny Ramirez, who, but for the Mets' reluctance to move a superb prospect, could be stopping in New York on the way to the Hall of Fame."

You know what? The Mets are in first place by four games. Everything is swell at Shea. The Mets might win the World Series and Lastings Milledge might win the World Series MVP.

I'm not saying the Mets need Manny Ramirez. Maybe the Mets wouldn't have picked up Delgado if they'd signed Manny. Whatever.

But you know what else? The Mets are not a freakin' brand.

You can turn down Hall of Fame ballplayers if you want to. Everything boils down to cost-benefit analysis and, despite the highest payroll in the NL, the Mets don't have unlimited resources.

You absolutely don't turn down Hall of Fame ballplayers solely because they don't smile enough.

Miles and Miles of Pregame Smiles.

"Once Memorial Day passes, it's game on."

The first two months of the season count, too.


"The Mets played their 50th game of the season last night, against the Diamondbacks in a battle of first-place clubs, setting up a summer of fun at Shea, a ballpark that has known such dark days since 1986."

Oh, Dark Days!

Doesn't anybody even remember the 2000 World Series? It was only five seasons ago. The Mets played in the 2000 World Series.

The Mets have also been in the playoffs two other times since 2000. They won 100 games in 1988. They won 90+ four other times and 88 games two other times.

Yes, the Art Howe era was exceedingly disappointing and so was the Dallas Green era. But a lot of baseball teams would take the Dark Days of the Mets. A lot of teams would take the Mets' payroll, too.

Maybe the Mets suffer because of the unending comparison to the Yankees ...


"Walk into the clubhouse and there is no sense of tightness like over in The Bronx, where pregame smiles are hard to find. Reyes smiles more in one night than the Yankees do all week ... "

:-)

:-)

:-)

Kevin Kernan should move out of his mom's basement and move into the Mets' clubhouse. If the Mets let him bring his cats.


"The Yankees are Wall Street. The Mets are Soho."

The millionaires on the Mets absolutely live in Soho and take the subway to work. Jose Reyes has to jump the turnstiles since he can't even afford a Metrocard. The Mets live in a rent-controlled walk-up and they don't even have clothes dryers, which is why you can often see their Mets uniforms hanging on clotheslines between tenement buildings.

Did you ever read that book by Upton Sinclair? That's kind of what it's like for the Mets players.
Do you remember that time the at Shea when the fire exits were blocked and all the young seamstresses dove to their deaths?

Dark Days, indeed.

Robinson Cano, Don't You Know?

My first thought when I read Lupica's following comment regarding the Yankee roster was, "Why does a Mets fan even care about the Yankee roster?":

"Melky Cabrera might not turn out to be Robinson Cano, but he's 21 and he's got talent and I hope the Yankees give him a full shot before they go chasing after Reggie Sanders or Bobby Abreu or somebody else."

I hate to go after Lupica on a rare occasion that he praises a Yankee player. But it's time to say something about Robinson Cano: Robinson Cano is not a very good baseball player.

Actually, I'm baffled by the degree to which Robinson Cano is overrated. I think that the logical reasoning center of Michael Kay's brain is overtaken by the orgasmic joy of watching a batter "go with the pitch" to the opposite field.

Luipca is hardly the only person who is overrating Cano. A very brief list:

• John Sterling regularly compares Cano to Hall of Famer Rod Carew.
• WFAN callers and hosts regularly claim that Cano batting ninth is like having "two leadoff hitters." Cano has one stolen base in his career.
  
• When the Yankees played on Fox, Buck and McCarver said that Cano would likely steal second base if he reached first base. Again, near as I can figure, Cano is lumped together with other speedy middle infielders. He's young, he's black, he's a middle infielder. Therefore, Cano must be fast. Well, he isn't.
  
• The sideline reporter (Peter Gammons or Ken Rosenthal?) said that the Yankees would have eight elite position players when Sheffield came off the DL. Ummm, okay, but Bernie Williams is not an elite DH and Cano is hardly an elite second baseman.

The truth?

Cano is a .300 singles hitter with little power, no speed, and no walks. His play at second base is erratic. Cano may get better, but he's hardly an elite second baeman at this stage of his career.

The Yankees certainly don't need to trade these young players. They're inexpensive and they're contributing. These guys might even develop into superstars. Cano and Cabrera might turn into Pete Rose and Bernie Williams. But they might turn into Pat Kelly and Ricky Ledee.

B-Wags Brings the Heat!

It's obviously too early to judge Billy Wagner's four-year signing. But since you're judging his first quarter-year with the Mets, you should at least be honest about it:

"Billy Wagner, Mets: The largest contract ever given to a reliever, on an annual basis (four years, $43 million, or $10.75 million a year), has brought excitement and some controversy to the Big Apple. In other words, Wagner's paying off. He's blown three saves, but he's converted on 10 tries, he has more strikeouts than any regular NL closer, he still brings the 100 mph heat and he's made back-page headlines for everything from his choice of theme music to his opinions on his former team, the Phillies.

Bottom line: Money well spent."

Ten saves out of thirteen is good? That's 77%, in case you were wondering. Braden Looper was ran out of town with a higher save% than that.

You know what else is funny? The meltdown vs. the Yankees didn't even count as a blown save. The Yankees had too big of a lead when Wagner came into the game, so it wasn't technically a save opportunity. But Pedro Feliciano got a blown save.

Oh, and for what it's worth, Wagner absolutely does not bring 100 mph heat anymore. I don't know if he'll get more velocity when the weather heats up, or whatever. But he's typically throwing low 90s and getting people out with off-speed stuff.

It seems that John Donovan truly believes that Wagner has been worth it simply because Wagner says a lot of stuff that draws attention to the Mets. This kind of thinking is getting out of hand.

The fans want their team to win ballgames. It's quite reasonable to think that Wagner will help the Mets in the future, even though he has been merely mediocre so far this season.

But if back-page attention is the true goal of the Mets, then maybe they ought to pay Anna Benson $40 million and tell her to wear a wet tee-shirt in the dugout.

Don't Call It A Comeback.

I've been here for years
Rockin' my peers
Puttin' suckas in fear.

I remember this was one of the first topics I ever discussed on this blog. Must have been about two years ago and the Yankees were getting credit for all sorts of so-called comeback wins.

At the time, I established some Felz rules for a comeback.

1) The number of runs you're down exceeds the number of innings left in a game.
2) The opposing team's closer is in the game.
3) You don't reasonably expect to win.

Something like that. The Felz rules don't change too much.

Another Felz rule is that Lupica is stupid:

"The Mets came from behind again yesterday. They came from behind the way they did on the Yankees last weekend, the way they did against the Phillies on Tuesday and Wednesday night, the way they have an awful lot this season."

First of all, if you lose the game, then you didn't really come back. You only momentarily came back. The final come back is actually the only come back that counts.

The Phillies jumped out to a 3-run lead in the first inning and came back from the emotional devastation of Reyes's 3-run homerun. The Mets were only losing for one whole inning and only losing by 3 whole runs.

Those little buggers from Philadelphia sure played hard the whole nine innings. Oh, and they also came back from the emotional devastation of a 16-inning loss the other night. The Phillies could have packed in the whole season right then and there.

The Yankees had a legit comeback against the Mets just the other day. Down 4-0 in the ninth with the Mets' closer pitching.

The Yankees were down 9-0 to Texas and down by one run with one out to go. I know Texas doesn't have the World's greatest bullpen, but 9-0 is certainly enough to make Lupica lose interest and change the channel.

The Yankees fight all the way to the parking lot, don't they? Even in game one vs. Boston, the Yankees scored 4 runs with two outs in the ninth before eventually succumbing.

Naturally, the News and others mocked ARod's ninth-inning homerun as "meaningless" rather than praising the Yankees for their moxie and gumption.

To explain how stupid this is, I turn over the rest of the post to Steven Goldman:

"We’ve heard a lot of fanboy complaints about how Alex Rodriguez’s ninth inning home run on Monday was meaningless, how it was typical of his lack of clutch hitting and true Yankeeness, or patriotism, or what have you. This is, well, stupid. First, it contains the assumption that a player can choose when he hits his home runs. Second, whenever a player hits a home run, he cannot know the outcome of the game. Sure, there’s a likelihood of an outcome, but as Yogi says, it ain’t over ‘til it’s over. As long as the game is alive there’s a chance for a team to rally, no matter how far down they are. Conversely, adding another run to your lead can never hurt because no lead is ever completely safe, just more safe or less safe.

Last week’s almost-unheard of comeback against the Rangers should have underscored this point.

Each time Rodriguez goes to the plate, no matter the game state, his job is to not make an out. Whether he does that by hitting a single or a home run, walking or getting hit by a pitch, or running to first on a dropped third strike, it really doesn’t matter. To criticize him for succeeding in this is merely ignorant."

Everyone point at the silly Mets fan.

Where was Mike Lupica when Kyle Farnsworth dropped that slider on Big Papi?

I'm not saying that Lupica is obligated to write about every baseball game played by a New York team. But he's missing some good baseball if he ignores the Yankees and focuses on the Mets.

When I say "focuses on the Mets," I mean "secretly sneak into a private room with a copy of the Mets fan guide, gaze lovingly at a headshot of Carlos Beltran while imagining Jose Reyes legging out a triple.":

"The Mets came from behind again yesterday. They came from behind the way they did on the Yankees last weekend, the way they did against the Phillies on Tuesday and Wednesday night, the way they have an awful lot this season. This time they didn't win the game. So they didn't sweep the Phillies, even though they easily could have, the way they didn't sweep the Yankees, though they should have. It doesn't change a couple of things: They have been the best baseball show in town this season. And one of the best in baseball."

I say the Yankees "should have" swept the Mets. In game one, ARod was safe at second base in the first inning. So he would have scored. Then, Damon would have been playing deeper and caught Wright's fly ball. In game three, the Yankees left 15 men on base. The Yankees "should have" won.


"They have made you watch every game until their last ups. You watch until Carlos Beltran hits one toward the parking lot in the bottom of the 16th, or strikes out in the bottom of the ninth."

I don't really know what to say. If you're a fan of the Mets, I suppose you'll stay up until 1:00 am to watch 16 innings. If you're not a fan of the Mets, I suppose you won't.


"The Yankees may yet get healthy, get their pitching worked out, all the rest of it. They might break more attendance records at Yankee Stadium ... There is something a little old about that, the way the Yankees are a little old.

The Mets feel new."

Yes, the Yankees are a little old. Like when Andy Phillips came off the bench last Saturday to beat the Mets, beat the Mets, come to the park and beat the Mets, bring the kiddies, bring the wife, guaranteed to have the time of your life.

The Yankees are running out Cabrera, Wang, Cano, Phillips, Crosby, and even an occasional Kevin Reese sighting. Colter Bean is a great story. He's goofy and fat. The '06 Yankees vary in age and ability, but at least they're "fresh!"

The Mets just added ancient El Duque. Same old story. Seen him before in New York. Can you get any more ex-Yankees since you already have Torre Jr. managing your team?

El Duque joins young kids like Billy Wagner, Tom Glavine, Pedro Martinez, and the newest face of them all, 47-year-old Julio Franco.


Settle down, Lupica. You rip the Yankees for adding Damon because Damon's too old. Then you praise the Mets for adding El Duque whose age supposedly doesn't matter. In the midst of all this, Lupica doesn't wonder why the Mets traded Benson for Julio in the first place.

The Mets started out 12-2 and have played .500 since. Which team are they? Are they going to win 100 games or 84?

Your streak of lightning over there at shortstop has a big, fat .317 on-base percentage. So the sage ombudsman Julio Franco doesn't seem to know what he's talking about when he links Met success to Reyes's on-base percentage.

Just drop the charade, Lupica. You're not even a sports journalist. You're a silly Mets fan.

More Fun With Joe Torre Quotes.

Homeruns by Manny Ramirez seem to fluster the skipper.

On Monday, Torre gave us this prime example of a dangling participle:

"It looked like he tried to do something with Manny, which is not his neighborhood. It's Manny's neighborhood. Not his neighborhood."

"It" is just the all-inclusive, universal "it."

"He" must be Chien Ming Wang.

"Do something" is certainly vague. Unless Chien Ming Wang instantaneously reached a singularity with the Universe while standing on the mound at Fenway Park, then Wang had to be "doing something." Unless you're dead, you're doing something. Even then, you're decomposing. In this particular sentence, "do something" means "throw a pitch."

In conclusion, Torre is saying something about somebody's neighborhood.


On Tuesday, Yankee fans waited in rapt attention for the skipper's angry reaction to Ramirez's styling at home plate:

"I wasn't even watching. Manny's a good guy. I can't get into that stuff."

You weren't even watching?

I totally understand. I know what you were probably watching: Go Taylor!

Jeff Passan: Hall of Fame Writer.

"Every Hall of Famer did something unique."

Seriously? Every Hall of Famer did something unique? Can you provide some well-resarched examples?


"Babe Ruth hit home runs."

Yes, hitting homeruns is very unique for a baseball Hall of Famer.

I really can't think of any other Hall of Famers who hit homeruns.


"Ozzie Smith backflipped.

Yes, Ozzie Smith backflipped.

That's the best example you could come up? Unique in the way he runs onto the field between innings?


"Vizquel will be the one who caught balls backward and nipped runners by half a step."

Alright. If you say so.

I'm convinced. Put Omar Vizquel in the Hall of Fame.

This whole time, I didn't think Vizquel was any more qualified than Alan Trammell or Frank White.

Oh, yeah. He isn't.

.425, 74, 192 would be acceptable.

YES Network message boards? I love you:

"A-Rod needs to do this more often. Of course he's not always going to get the big hit, but if he gets it three out of five times, people won't be on his back. He did a good job Tuesday.

yanksworldchamps456"

Of course he's not always going to get the big hit. If he just bats .600 in clutch situations, that would be cool with me.

It's Outta Here!

"The Mets suffered their most spectacular meltdown in recent memory on Saturday, and one day later, they found themselves trailing and in danger of losing a Subway Series that at one point looked headed toward a Met sweep."

At what point did the Subway Series look headed towards a Met sweep?

The high point for the Mets was heading into the ninth inning of Saturday's game with a 4-0 lead. They already won game one and were about to win game two.

At that point, how on Earth did Michael Obernauer, or anybody else, know the Mets were going to win Sunday's game? At that point, the odds of a Mets sweep are 50%-50%. Maybe a little better since Glavine is better than Small.

Then, after game two, the odds of a Mets sweep shrunk to 0%.


"That's when Carlos Delgado delivered what may well go down as the most important swing of the Mets' season."

For the Mets' sake, I really hope that is not the most important swing of the season. I'm sure they've got some important at-bats coming up in the pennant stretch against divisional opponents.


I know that Saturday's loss had the first-place Mets and their $100 million payroll on a downturn that most teams would have never been able to recover from. Once the Yankees took a 2-0 lead on Sunday, I figured the Mets were beginning their descent to last place.

Then, Carlos Delgado hit a homerun.

Torre gets what he asked for.

"Before the game, Joe Torre met with his players to remind them not to overexert themselves in the absence of the injured Hideki Matsui and Gary Sheffield."

Somebody has a Red Sox fetish.

"If you look at the baseball season that has been played so far, the Most Valuable Player in the American League, and maybe both leagues, might be Jonathan Papelbon, the Red Sox new closer."

On the "Sports Reporters" show, Lupica was more forceful than he is in print. After a gratuitious reference to Jason Giambi's steroid use, Lupica said that Papelbon was the MVP of baseball in the 2006 season. He also praised Francona for going with "the Kid."

I actually laughed out loud.

You know what? I don't even have to tell you who the MVP of MLB is if you look at the baseball season that has been played so far. I don't even have to give you a hint, but I will.

The guy who has hit 22 homeruns is more valuable than the guy who has pitched 22 innings.

The Joe Torre Story.

So, I was at work yesterday, keeping tabs on the Yankees' afternoon ballgame on the Interweb.

Step off, Mike Bloomberg. I also identified and prioritized 31 BAU items which were discovered during UAT of the POD system. You know what, pal? Until one brick is put in place, you can kiss my butt.

So, I see that Wright starts the seventh inning of a scoreless game. After Wilkerson homers, Wright leaves with a runner on base and the Yankees down 2-0 in the seventh.

Torre brings in Erickson and Villone and the Yankees eventually lose 6-2.

I'm not blaming Erickson, Villone, Wright, or even Torre. The offense only scored two, which is not enough. It just seems to me that Erickson and Villone are pretty low in the bullpen pecking order to be pitching in the late innings of a close game. I'm bothered by this because I get the sense, once again, that Torre just doesn't care all that much about winning this particular game. The Yankees fell behind by two runs in the seventh inning and Torre was willing to rest the bullpen and get ready for the Mets.

Now, I drew this conclusion based on very little information. It just seems like Torre was willing to let one go. It's still early in the season, we got a split with Texas, we've played high-profile games vs. Boston and we've got upcoming high-profile games vs. the Mets.

When I got home and flipped through the channels, I happened to tune into Yankee Replay in the wondrous top of the seventh inning.

It's fun to watch because I know what's coming. The seemingly inconsequential 2-1 pitch to Wilkerson that is fouled off on a check swing. Kaat and Singleton singing Wright's praises and pointing out the benefits off his low pitch count. He still looks strong, doesn't he? Smiling sisters in the stands waving to the camera. Little do they know that their afternoon is going to be ruined on the next pitch.

But I know.

Here's the amazing part. The jaw-dropping observation.

When the score was 0-0 in the top of the seventh, Proctor and Myers were warming up in the Yankees bullpen.

This means Proctor and Myers were available to pitch and Torre would have used them to preserve a tie game in the seventh inning.

As soon as Wilkerson hit a 2-run homerun, the YES Network camera showed Ron Guidry on the phone to the bullpen instructing Proctor and Myers to sit down and Erickson to start warming up.

Even though I knew it instinctively, I still couldn't believe it.

Joe Torre's strategy completely changed because of two lousy runs. Torre stopped caring about winning today and started his Triage garbage. Lose the battle to win the war, huh?

If you're going to use Myers and Proctor in a tie game, why won't you use them when your team is only down by 2 runs? What kind of strategic tipping point is that?

2-0.

Top of the 7th.

Joe Torre gave up.

I knew it.

Yankee tunnel never darker.

These are probably the darkest days in Yankee history. For sure.

Worse than last year's 11-19 start. Worse than the Stump Merrill era. Worse than the day Lou Gehrig was diagnosed with a disease that was so rare that the disease is named after him. Worse than the day Thurman Munson died.

Playing .590 ball and 1/2-game out of first place and the Yankee tunnel has never been darker:

"This is supposed to be the year in which the Subway Series is actually a fair fight, but the Yankees have bigger problems to worry about this weekend than the Mets."

Like every other year.


"Bigger problems such as a woefully depleted group of outfielders.

Bigger problems such as another injured starter."

Does he mean Bubba Crosby? Or does he mean Carl Pavano?

I like Bubba well enough, but if his injury qualifies as a "big problem" to a major league ball club ...


"Bigger problems such as the Big Unit.

So while this very well may be the season in which the Mets — the so-called little brothers in this rivalry — have grown up and can stand on level terms with the Yanks, the series is not exactly the Bombers' focus."

Borden's argument is a Monty Python routine:

The Yankees have a problem. They're playing the Mets. But an even bigger problem is the pitching of Randy Johnson. Who pitches tonight against the Mets. Which is a problem since they're playing the Mets. With Randy Johnson pitching. Which is a problem since Randy Johnson is pitching. Against the Mets. Which is a problem.

Let me put it this way: If the Yankees are focused on Randy Johnson's pitching, then the Yankees are focused on playing the Mets. Since Randy Johnson is pitching against the Mets. The two events are inseparable.


Boy, Sam Borden sure listed a lot of problems for the Yankees. Maybe it's true that the Yankee tunnel has never been darker and the Mets are on oncoming train.

So, Sam Borden, how badly are the Mets going to beat the injured, unfocused Yankees when they play this weekend?:

"Yankee beat writer Sam Borden:

Yanks 2 of 3

After seizing victory in last year's Subway Series prediction contest, I see no reason to go away from the chalk."

But you just said the Yankee tunnel was never darker.

You just said the light at the end of the tunnel belongs to the oncoming Mets.

You just said this is supposed to be the year in which the Subway Series is actually a fair fight, the Yankees have bigger problems to worry about this weekend than the Mets, bigger problems such as a woefully depleted group of outfielders, bigger problems such as another injured starter, bigger problems such as the Big Unit, so while this very well may be the season in which the Mets — the so-called little brothers in this rivalry — have grown up and can stand on level terms with the Yanks, the series is not exactly the Bombers' focus.

Then you pick the Yankees to win 2 out of 3.

Felz Fan Rules.

When not to cheer:

• When the pitcher on your team strikes out the pitcher on the opposing team. Congratulations, Mr. Feller, you really worked your way out of that jam. That was like fighting your way out of a brown paper bag.
• When the pitcher on your team throws a strike on a 3-0 pitch. Unless you're being sarcastic.
• When the batter on your team hits into a fielder's choice and beats the relay throw to first base, thus avoiding the double play. No love for merely avoiding a double play.
• When the batter on your team moves a runner to third base with one out by grounding out to second base. This is overrated and bad. You think you are smart because you think you understand the intricacies of small ball, but you're not smart, because Jeter is a .320 career hitter. Stop teaching this stuff to your children. Teach them that the batter needs to try to drive in the run himself.
• When the batter on your team moves a runner to third base with one out by hitting a deep fly ball. See above.
• When the batter on your team hits a deep fly ball for an out. Almost doesn't count in baseball.
• When somebody on the opposing team hits a homerun against your team. I don't care if it's Cal Ripken, Mark McGwire, or Tino Martinez's triumphant return as a Devil Ray. Yes, you root for the uniform.
• Runner moving up to third base with two outs. Yeah, yeah, I know. A wild pitch or a balk. Not likely, stupid.
• When a player on the opposing team gets hurt.
• When the scoreboard tells you to.
• When your team is getting bitch-slapped 14-3 and they just put another runner on base.
  

When not to boo:

• When the batter on your team is hit by a pitch. This is good for your team. Four in a row and you've got a run.
• When the batter on your team strikes out. An out is an out. Strikeouts are just part of the game. Besides, all the big strikeout hitters are in the Hall of Fame. So, I guess you can boo strikeouts if you want to, but then you should boo every out.
• When the Canadian National Anthem is being played.

The most confusing play in baseball:

• Team A is batting, Team B is in the field. Runner on second with one out. The batter hits a deep fly ball and the outfielder makes an outstanding catch. Fans for Team B cheer for the catch. The runner tags up to third base. As the cheering for Team B dissipates, the fans for Team A cheer the advancement of the runner. I don't like plays where fans of both teams get to cheer.

In praise of the DH.

Gary Cohen takes a brave stance against the DH:

"Gary, would you like to see the DH rule in the National League? Do you like the rule or not? I’ve been a Mets fan since 1973 and will die one. My joke has always been, I have two favorite teams -- the Mets and anyone who beats the Atlanta Braves. Thanks, Dave Hill, Ogden, Utah.

Dave, I think a lot of Mets fans share your sentiments, although they might substitute the word 'Yankees' for 'Braves.' As for the DH, the answer is a definitive 'NO.' It’s an awful rule, always has been and really detracts from the beauty of the game, the strategy and the fan experience. Hopefully, someday the game will be rid of this abomination."

My first reaction is, why is anybody still questioning the existence of the DH, as if the existence of the DH was up for debate?

The DH rule has been in effect since 1973. That's 33 years. That's 1/3rd of baseball's existence. The DH rule is not going anywhere.

The DH is used in every professional baseball league in the world except for the NL. The DH is used in the minor leagues of NL teams. The DH is used in college and high school. The DH is used in every foreign country and even in the World Baseball Classic.

Why? Fans like the DH.

The beauty of the game is not pitchers striking out on three pitches. The fan experience is not enhanced by pitchers striking out on three pitches. The Strategy* argument is quite dubious, and most fans don't get all that jazzed up about managerial strategy, anyway. As Tom Kelly said, double switches ain't rocket science.

* Gary Cohen and many others seem to confuse "strategy" with "move." In many instances, when an NL pitcher is pinch-hit for, the "strategy" is a no-brainer.

Tie game, 8th inning, 2 on, 2 out. You pinch hit for the pitcher. 100% of the time. The game situation just made the decision for the manager. It's an easy decision. It is an easy decision masquerading as complex strategy.

In the AL, when do you take out your pitcher? It's not always such an easy managerial decision. Just ask Joe Torre as he flips a coin and chooses between Tanyon Sturtze and Scott Proctor.

End of *

I know fans like the DH. I also think players like the DH.

Let's go with the idea that the different rules generally lead to different types of play. The so-called "NL style" is small ball and the so-called "AL style" is sit back and wait for a three-run homerun by a big, strong, slow guy who can't field.

Now, it's 2006 and all the Corey Pattersons and Quinton McCrackens of the world look around. What do they see?

They see the AL is dominating the NL. I don't care so much about All Star games or even World Series results. Just list the best teams in major league baseball. List the best players in major league baseball. The AL is where it's at.

My hunch is that the DH has a lot to do with this. Players like to rake and they like to play on offenses that rake. Come to the AL and I promise, we won't ask you to bunt.

Join us. Join us. Join the Dark Side. Baseball is good when you score runs and drive them in. Your agent will like us, too. You can drive in 100 runs every year.

I don't know if the trend will continue. The current AL dominance might be an aberration. Check back in ten years and the NL might be dominant again.

But, if the trend continues, the NL might be forced to adopt the DH in order to attract the game's best hitters. I wouldn't bet on it, but I know this is far more likely than the AL getting rid of the DH.

A few more blessings and we'll be in last place.

From the Yes Network message boards, monitored hourly by George Steinbrenner himself:

The Hideki Matsui injury is devastating to the Yankees. Matsui gave the offense some balance and another lefty power bat. However, with both he and Gary Sheffield sidelined, the Yankees will be forced to play more small ball to try to manufacture more runs. Maybe this will be a blessing in disguise. Also, we will get a chance to see if Melky Cabrera is the real deal on a daily basis.

snadler

Which is it, snadler? Is it devastating or is it a blessing in disguise?

Let's pretend it's a blessing in disguise. Because without Gary Sheffield and without Hideki Matsui, the Yankees will be forced to play small ball.

I just hope the Yankees don't get really blessed with injuries to Giambi, Jeter, Posada, and Rodriguez.

In a very short period of time, snadler and everybody else will realize that the Yankee offense is less effective without Gary Sheffield and Hideki Matsui, even if the offense gets a few excellent sacrifice bunts by Bubba Crosby.

Remember last night when Timlin struck out Giambi and Rodriguez with the tying run in scoring position in the 7th inning? Jim Kaat was displeased. These free swingers are ruining baseball.

Kaat sure was excited when Miguel Cairo batted against Papelbon in the 8th. A pesky little hitter like that can put the bat on the ball and bloop a game-tying single. Except Cairo struck out, too.

See, while everbody is hatin' on the all-or-nothing hitters in the Yankee lineup, the alternative is nothing-or-nothing.

Mike Vaccaro Writes Words and a Newspaper Publishes Them.

"They'll be without two-thirds of their regular outfield for at least as long as it takes Gary Sheffield to ease off the DL, meaning the two corner slots will be manned by the three-man wrecking crew of Bubba Crosby, Melky Cabrera and Bernie Williams. Suddenly it isn't so much a question if the Yankees can score 1,000 runs this season, but how many games they can be expected to field 1.000 with that adventurous threesome manning the lawn."

Hideki Matsui can't catch a cold in left field and My Butt is a better fielder than Gary Sheffield.

With an outfield of (left-to-right) Crosby, Damon, and Cabrera/Williams/Kevin Reese, the Yankee outfield is improved defensively. The Yankee offense will absolutely suffer.

So, it's exactly the opposite of what Vaccaro just said.

On the bright side, this is the young, fresh, exciting, speedy team everybody always wanted! Too bad they can't hit, but at least they are from the farm system.


"For kicks, the Yankees were also reminded of just how tenuous their pitching is. For the second time in three games against the Sox, they received a dreadful outing from their starter, Shawn Chacon, and the results in the bullpen were decidedly mixed."

Shawn Chacon was not dreadful.

Cooperstown isn't calling so they can put his jockstrap into the Hall of Fame, but he only allowed 1 run in 4 2/3 innings.

Chacon absolutely was a little lucky due to outstanding defensive plays by Crosby and Damon. You know, the same guys who can't catch the ball and will spend the rest of the season bumping into each other like lost little children, throwing the ball into the bullpen instead of just hitting the cutoff man, aimlessly wandering Death Valley, waiting for Matsui to get off the DL.


"What's worse is, the Red Sox bear the look of every great Yankee team of recent vintage. They get key two-out hits. They not only got a couple of well-placed breaks last night, they took advantage. Tim Wakefield mirrored what Mike Mussina gave the Yankees a night earlier."

Last night, the Red Sox were 1-for-10 with RISP until the go-ahead "hit" that Jeter fielded in his glove and threw into the first baseman's glove. That was a two-rbi "hit" that proves that Boston is gritty and clutch.

Wakefield gave up 3 runs in 6 innings. Which isn't bad by any means. It is a quality start against a tough lineup. But, if Chacon was "dreadful" ...

By the way, all 3 Yankee runs came on two-out hits! Key two-out hits. The kind of key two-out hits that bear the look of every great Yankee team of recent vintage.

I can't explain the Jeter error, though. Maybe he was rushing the play. It looked like he was rushing. First play of the game, pressure of playing the Red Sox. That was not the kind of key defensive play that bore the look of every great Yankee team of recent vintage.


"Maybe most important, Jonathan Papelbon came in and coolly recorded a four-out save, serving notice that if the guard hasn't yet been changed between the teams' two closers, whatever gap that's left is narrowing by the minute."

Duh.

When will you learn not to take on the Great Mariano?

Hideki Matsui Breaks Wrist.

Bad news for the Yankees.

Devastating news for the porno industry:

"And, of course, he likes to watch his much vaunted porno collection, tapes that he often trades with Japanese reporters. As one Japanese journalist put it, describing Matsui's affinity for such unique Japanese cultural institutions like the no-panties shabu-shabu in Japan, 'Matsui is a horny guy. All of us are horny, more or less. But Matsui doesn't attempt to hide the fact.' "

Janey One-Note Predicts The Future.

I promised I wouldn't read the Daily News' Subway Squawker site because it's just too easy:

"I don't want to be a Janey One-Note here, but to act as if Alex was the reason the Yankees lost Tuesday is ludicrous, and to suggest that he's never had a big hit against the Red Sox is simply rewriting history. Does his homer to win the game off first-time closer Curt Schilling last July, to name just one example, ring a bell? Like the caveman in the Geico commercial says, 'Next time, maybe do a little research.'

I vividly remember that night in no small part because I called the shot; as soon as I saw Curt come into the game, I predicted that A-Rod would hit a homer off Schilling.

And I predicted tonight's shot in the fifth inning. Jon called when Alex was up against Crying Curt, and I told Jon that he was going to hit a homer off Red Light, which he did about 10 seconds after me saying it. And, as promised, I even did a little jig in the office, just to celebrate the moment!"

Ask a stupid question ...

Ron Darling and Earl fail Baseball 101:

"Hi Ron! I would like to know, what does the infield fly rule mean? And what purpose does it serve?
-- Earl

It is used to speed up the game. With baserunners on first and second, or the bases loaded and less than two outs, if the umpire rules that a popup is easily playable, the umpire will rule that the batter is out. He will signal the out with his arm straight towards the sky. The baserunners, though, can try to advance at their own risk."

That's exactly why the infield fly rule is used. It's used to speed up the game. The umpire doesn't want to wait for the ball to descend all the way into the fielder's glove. Because that takes such a long time. So, the umpire quickly calls the batter out by raising his arm towards the sky. This speeds up the game.

Bam!

Next question.

I'm on a roll now.

Pride. Power. Pinstripes.

Let's see what we learned from last night's game: Randy Johnson should retire, "E-Rod" can't play well against the Red Sox, and the 14-3 loss was ARod's fault.

You're stupid, you're stupid, and you're stupid, too.


I. Heyman

Randy Johnson is slumping. Just like hitters slump.

In the 2006 season, Randy Johson walked 4 batters in the first 32 innings he pitched. Then, he walked 3 in 1 inning. Then, he walked 7 in his next 10 innings.

I think he will turn it around quickly and win close to 20 games this year. Jon Heyman thinks he should retire.


II. Vaccaro aka "that stupid bastard right there"

"But there is always something extra special about the struggles of Alex Rodriguez, especially against the Red Sox, because it is his fate and his destiny. That is the way he is forever going to be judged. These are the games that define him, that will always define him."

Alex Rodriguez does not struggle against the Red Sox. I won't even look at the career numbers, since we're talking about the numbers since ARod has been with the Yankees.

2004: .306 ba, .412 ob%, .486 slugging%, 3 hr, 9 rbis, 16 runs, 6 stolen bases.

2005: .271 ba, .363 ob%, .571 slugging%, 6 hr, 11 rbis, 13 runs, 2 stolen bases.

Of course ARod has had some bad games against the Red Sox. ARod has had some bad games against every team. David Ortiz has had some bad games against the Yankees.

But I know there's a little more going on here besides the numbers. I'm not quite sure why, anecdotally, ARod's successes against the Red Sox are forgotten. The HR against Schilling, the Game Four HR against Wakefield, the 3-HR weekend in Fenway last year, the pennant-clinching game last year, etc.

Go ahead and define him by his play against the Red Sox. Judge him by his playoff record against the Red Sox, if you really want to: 7 games, .258 ba, .378 ob%, .516 slugging%, 2 hr, 5 rbis, 8 runs.

Surprise!

If that's struggling, I don't need success.

Are Yankee fans and writers so spoiled that the good memories of the past five seasons are completely blotted out because they didn't ultimately result in a World Series title?


III. Harper

"All we know for sure is that A-Rod failed the Yankees again at an important moment, this time with his glove instead of his bat. And so you begin to wonder if he is ever going to win over this town, no matter what kind of numbers he puts up, or how many MVP awards he wins.

You begin to wonder if he is ever going to do something big to beat the Red Sox. They seem to bring out the worst in him, which is why Yankee fans are always ready to boo him at their first opportunity, as they did last night."

He may not ever win over this town, that much is true.

But he has already done several big somethings to beat the Red Sox, and the Red Sox certainly don't seem to bring out the worst in him.

Funny, isn't it?

ARod just stunk the joing out in the most recent homestand.

Again, it's a slump. Slumps happen.

At home, in April, mid-week, half-empty Stadium (well, one-fourth empty), no pressure, no buzz. The opponents are Baltimore, Tampa Bay, Toronto and Kansas City. The spotlight is off.

So what does ARod do now that he can relax and get in the flow? Let's see: 9-for-42 (.214) with 0 hrs.

This does not fit the storyline. If there's no pressure, then ARod can't choke.

Because the whole time, maybe it's not choking, maybe it's just slumping.

As for the error on the Ortiz ground ball, which singlehandedly led to 14 unearned runs and ended the Yankees' playoff hopes, Harper deconstructs:

"It was hard to see why he didn't make it. The ball was on him quickly, but it wasn't a laser either. If anything, it seemed maybe he tried to rush the play, perhaps the way he tries to force the issue at the plate in crucial situations."

It was hard to see why he didn't make it?

He was moving to his left, the ball took a tricky hop. ARod kind of lunged and smothered the ball with his body. He quickly found the ball rolling nearby, fired to first, and the runner beat it by a step.

Daily occurrence in the baseball world.

The other error, I considered a bad-hop single, but whatever.


Now, I'd like to ask Harper another question: Did he see the play that ARod made against Mench on Sunday

Did he see it? Do you watch baseball?

Put it this way: Brosius doesn't make it, Ventura doesn't make it, Nettles probably doesn't make it.

Saved two runs at least and may have saved the whole game.

The play didn't count because it was against Texas?

ARod's glove hasn't been "good." ARod's glove has been great. Watch the games once in a while and you'd know.

Congratulations! Here's to 1,000 more!

If Joe Torre is still managing this team ten years from now, I may be forced to take matters into my own hands.

I have a sneaky suspicion that Torre retires the same day Mariano Rivera retires.

Anyway, today is not the day to criticize. Today is the the day to reflect and celebrate.

George Steinbrenner is very proud of Torre:

"I'm very proud of him," Yankees owner George Steinbrenner said through spokesman Howard Rubenstein. "He's making the right moves. He knows how to lead the team, and he's shown great leadership."

Congratulations, Clueless Joe! You proved everybody wrong.

I know your heart hasn't been in it for the past couple of years and that you almost quit after last year's grueling season because managing the Yankees for $millions must be a torturous gig. Especially since Andy Pettitte broke your heart.

I know you don't really know who's batting fourth or fifth in the lineup anymore, but that's okay, because what's the point of accumulating laurels if you can't rest on them? This isn't about lineups and baseball strategy, anyway. This is about respect.

In the spirit of charity and life-affirming goodness, I can celebrate Torres 1,000th Yankee win on my blog.

Just don't say anything stupid today. Just accept the congratulations and don't say anything. Smile at Kim Jones and give Suzyn Waldman a kiss.

Can Torre do this?

No:

"Matsui was playing in his 516th straight game for the Yankees and 1,766 in a row counting his Japanese League career.

'It was kind of a day off for him,' Torre said. 'Just running back and forth from left field can take its toll.' "

Joe Torre is talking about a professional athlete who is paid $13 million to play left field for the Yankees. Joe Torre just said that jogging back and forth to his outfield position between innings can take its toll.

I think all the professional football players are laughing at all the professional baseball players.