Wednesday, May 25, 2005

George Steinbrenner sparks another existential crisis.

I honestly don't get it.

Did people really believe George Steinbrenner was a robot? Hasn't anybody noticed that the Angry Lunatic George has been an outdated paradigm for at least ten years? Were Raissman and Howard clinging to the image of a fiery George ca. 1981, so they were completely caught off guard when they noticed that the man "suddenly" grew old and frail?

Naturally, Steinbrenner isn't as sharp and vital as he was thirty years ago. Nobody is. People grow old and they slow down.

The hairline slowly recedes, the belt buckle slowly expands, you can't remember the name of that guy you were friends with in college.

Snap you fingers and you're old, fat, bald, and stupid.

Life's a bitch and then you die.

But I don't understand why George Steinbrenner, of all people, would be the catalyst for these existential revelations. Why not the President? Or the Pope? Or Supreme Court Justices? I'll bet Steinbrenner could beat them all in a game of bid whist.

Hey, Steinbrenner looks pretty good to me. Don't listen to these young whippersnapper playa hatas, George. You look pretty good to Felz, even if Hideki Irabu was a bad signing and you never should have traded Rickey.

Talk about senile: Luis Polonia, Eric Plunk, and Greg Cadaret? Eric Plunk and Greg Cadaret? You know, we still haven't found a good leftfielder, you putz. You senile old putz! Why'd you trade Rickey?!

But I digress.

If I make it to 74 and can be as healthy and acute as George Steinbrenner, I'll sign up for it right now.

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