What a beautiful Sunday afternoon.

Why do I do this to myself?:

"I don't care what Joe Torre's outfield rotation is this season, I just want Melky to play."

So you do care what Joe Torre's outfield rotation is this season.

Because who are you going to bench in favor of Melky?

You must choose between Johnny Damon, Hideki Matsui, or Bobby Abreu.


"Because if Papelbon really was Plan A for the back of the Red Sox bullpen all along, there really was no Plan B. But then, there's no Plan B with the Yanks if anything ever happens to Mo."

Wow.

He's harshing on the Mariano backup plan again.

Do you think there is a single team in the major leagues which has two dominant closers?

Yes, I remember the 1996 Yankees with Wetteland and a surprise Rivera. It was amazing.

But it's not sustainable. Because the only way to take a dominant closer -- say, B.J. Ryan -- and ask him to be a setup guy is to pay a premium.

B.J. Ryan signed a nice free agent contract last year.

Since he's a closer, he will accumulate hundreds of saves over the course of the contract, setting him up nicely for his next negotiation session and also increasing his overall status in the game.

Not much of a market for holds.

Anyway, how can the Yankees convince B.J. Ryan to ignore his own career and accept a demotion? They could entice him by paying him $15 million per year.

Then, you've got a solid Plan B.

Since that's dumb for everybody, your Plan B is Tom Gordon or Kyle Farnsworth.

Imagine if the season had started.

So much for getting younger, quicker, and more flexible with the payroll:

"There is no time to waste. Circumstances dictate immediate action. The Yankees need to play their best hand and get Roger Clemens back in Pinstripes."

It's spring training.

"Brian Cashman spent some time yesterday with retired football Giants GM Ernie Accorsi. Losing Wang now is like losing your star running back in the final exhibition game."

Roger Clemens was always presumed to be better than Kei Igawa or Carl Pavano. The Wang injury really doesn't change much because Wang is expected to be back before the 1st of May. So, what has really changed? If Cashman wanted to spend the money on Clemens, he should have done it already.

"All the plans, all the moves are meaningless without an ace."

I'm guessing Wang is the ace.

Okay.

But Wang will be back in a month.

Clemens won't even be in major league shape in a month.


"Clemens not only is the Yankees' best option, he is their only option."

Well, maybe they shouldn't have traded Randy Johnson in the first place.

But the options are actually pretty close to infinite. It's just a matter of how much the Yankees are willing to spend or how much they are willing to trade.

Or just wait ten days for Wang to get back.

That's an option.

I've got an even better idea.

Why is everybody suddenly so gung ho about Carl Pavano's ability to stand on a baseball mound and throw pitches towards home plate?

Is the key to perceived success simply setting low expectations?:

"In the bottom of the first inning, the Reds used three singles to load the bases with no outs. Up stepped the slugger Adam Dunn.

'The smart way to go about it is to be willing to give up a couple of runs, but don’t let them get a huge inning,' Pavano said. 'That’s when you put pressure on yourself and make bad pitches.' "

I'll remember that theory in mid-June when your ERA is 5.99 and your IP per start is about 4 2/3.

I'm no pitching coach, but I think the smarter way to go about it is to give up zero runs in as many innings as you can.

Like, don't load the bases in the first place.

Proposition: Should Carl Pavano be the Yankees' Opening Day starter?

For the affirmative, it's Glenn Giangrande: "Forget about Chien-Ming Wang, Mike Mussina or Andy Pettitte. If Joe Torre really wants to make Opening Day special, he'd start Carl Pavano."

For the negative, it's Glenn Giangrande: "Don't misunderstand me -- I am well aware that David Eckstein has a better chance of hitting 50 home runs this season than Pavano does of taking the mound on April 2nd. Heck, Pavano's not even in the conversation, and for good reasons. He isn't worthy of the honor to begin with."

After careful deliberation, I have come to the conclusion that I agree with Glenn Giangrande.

I choose "uninformed."

"Call me crazy, infirmed or anything else you choose, but I think Carl Pavano will have a productive season for the Yankees."

"Infirmed" is not a word.

I also think it's funny that La Monica's idea of a productive year is 12-8.

The Follow-Up Nobody Dares Ask.

"I know a lot of you are ready to throw Mientkiewicz under the bus. But give him a shot. You won’t see it in the box score but A-Rod threw wildly in the first inning and Mientkiewicz came off the bag to get the ball and swiped a tag on Lyle Overbay as he went by.

Minky will do that two or three times a series and there’s value in that."

Numbers are specific. The use of specific numbers invites scrutiny. It's a problem when you're really trying to convey vague information.

"Two or three times a series" can mean a lot of things.

The difference between two and three is 50%. Which is a lot of variance, depending on the context.

"A series" probably means three games. Or four. Less commonly, two games, or five games.

I'm going to average it out. The average of 2 and 3 is 2.5. The average length of a series is 3.5 games. Not so much the average, probably, but the median.

Using 2.5 saved errors for every 3.5 games, Abraham is suggesting that Doug M. will save 116 errors by Yankee infielders this year.

The absurdity of this observation is immediately obvious. The Yankee infielders wouldn't make that many throwing errors this season if Jorge Posada had to cover first base on every play.

But the scenario which Abraham is describing isn't even just saving 116 errors, it's supposedly saving 116 errors that other first baseman -- say, Andy Phillips, Jason Giambi, Shea Hillenbrand, Craig Wilson -- pick any old first baseman who could hit over .100 -- would not have been able to save. Jason Giambi is a statue, but even Jason Giambi can occasionally catch baseballs and tag runners as they run by.

This isn't even that difficult to figure out. All you have to do is watch the games.

Count the number of times a thrown ball evades Andy Phillips. An error that Mintkayvitch probably would have turned into an out. The "probably" is subjective, but you can still count "potential errors." It could be an entirely new stat category.

Over the course of the season? This will occur maybe 10 or 12 times. Nowhere near "two or three times a series."

If Doug Mintkayvitch could really turn 116 baserunners into outs, then he'd probably be the best player in baseball.

Which he is not.

"Here’s what Joe Torre said about it:

'Is it more beneficial to help your pitching staff and be more defensive oriented? Certainly if [we] don’t score runs we can’t sit here and blame Mientkiewicz. That’s my whole thought process. Not when you have a second baseman like we have, a shortstop like we have and the production that the center fielder puts out plus a catcher. You’re stealing from some positions that are defensive positions.' "

I don't know if it's more beneficial to help your pitching staff and be more defensive oriented. That would be a good question for the manager of the Yankees.

If you find the manager of the Yankees, you can tell him that, if the Yankees don't score runs, and Mintkayvitch hits .002 with runners in scoring position, then he can partially blame Mintkayvitch.

But the obvious, important, nagging follow-up question would go something like this: "Then why the heck did Gary Sheffield play first base in the playoffs last year?"

One more follow-up Mr. Torre: "Does green tea cause disintegration of the frontal lobe? Because I'm running out of alternate explanations."

I'm repeating myself because Lupica's repeating himself.

I apologize for the redundant nature of my blog.

Just for kicks, I checked the March '05 and March '06 archives, looking for proof of more anti-Mariano garbage.

I quickly found Mike Lupica on March 27, 2005:

"If you aren't worried about what kind of shape Mo Rivera's right arm is going to be in by October, then you're nuts."


April 28, 2006 (though this isn't Lupica):

"Yanks' closer not nearly what he once was, but manager still overusing him."


There were a couple more from April 2005 with Klapisch and the Daily News pronouncing the end of Rivera's career. It's tough to verify with dead links.

Point being, this has been going on for ten years.

As soon as Mariano blew a save in the '97 playoffs, he proved he couldn't handle Wetteland's role.

Plan B is lose a lot of games.

"And I don't want to sound cynical, because it's not my nature, but what is Plan B if Mo Rivera finally does begin to show his age this season?"

First of all, you should have asked all the people waiting in line for Mets tickets the same question about B-Wags, El Duque, Glavine, and Alou.

Secondly, be a man and admit that you've questioned Mariano every single (pre) season since 1996.

Mike Lupica, supposedly acclaimed baseball writer for the New York Daily News, had a big theory after the 2001 World Series that Mariano Rivera was not going to be able to mentally recover from the loss to the Diamondbacks.

Eventually, Mike Lupica will be proven correct.

Eventually, Mariano Rivera will either become an ineffective pitcher or retire from professional baseball.

When this happens, the esteemed Mr. Lupica will finally be able to say, "I told ya so!"

I'll just call him "Irabu."

I was wondering how to pronounce Kei Igawa's name. Thanks to the Daily News' endless search for the perfect pun, I am now more confused than ever:

"Kei can't unlock control."

So, it must be pronounced "key."


"Control is far from O-Kei."

So, it must be pronounced "kay."

Alex Rodriguez, Inc.

Don't you hate it when somebody explains something plainly obvious and then tells you that you don't understand this simple concept:

"What a lot of the A-Rod Forever crowd doesn’t understand is that this has nothing to do with the Yankees or Jeter or Torre or the media. It has everything to do with Alex Rodriguez, Inc."

Yes. ARod is self-centered and he was pushing his own agenda on the Mike and the Mad Dog Show.

Thanks for the insight, beat writer. Keep up the good work.

(Is "Inc." supposed to be an insult? Because, in the time it took you to add ", Inc." to his name, he earned more in interest than you will earn in your entire life. He probably is incorporated into a separate legal entity in order to protect his assets. If you ever move out of the Datsun, maybe you should think about doing the same thing.)

But even Abraham's simplistic observation (ARod is greedy!) doesn't get it quite right.

Because the fate of Alex Rodriguez, Inc. is related to the fate of the Yankees and, therefore, Jeter and Torre.

So Alex Rodriguez, Inc. absolutely has something to do with the Yankees and Jeter and Torre.


"Given what the market was like last winter, what would a player like Alex be worth next winter?"

A heck of a lot.

Probably not $25 mill per year, though. That ridiculous contract broke the bank and has never been approached by any other big league ballplayers.


"Starting the bidding at $33 million a year for seven years."

?????.

"Start the bidding at $33 million a year for seven years."

Did you say "$33 million"?

You really think ARod is going to get an offer for $33 million per year?

You, sir, are not smart. Your Yankee blog is starting to sound like a parody of itself.

Greed is preferable to sloth.

"You're asking me what my sincere feeling is. I want to 100 percent stay in New York. Period. That's it. I don't know how many ways I can say it."

-- Alex Rodriguez

"I know I have one more year. After that, I don't know what's going to happen. Definitely I want to finish my career here, but if they don't give the respect that I deserve, I have to move on."

-- Mariano Rivera


As for ARod's "loyalty pledge," I don't believe he used the word "loyal" one time during the interview.

No matter how screwed-up ARod is in the head, I hope he doesn't believe in fairy tales like "loyalty."

Surely, ARod noticed how the Yankees treated Bernie Williams. Or how the Yankees treated Gary Sheffield. Or how Andy Pettitte treated the Yankees, and the Astros, and maybe the Yankees again in a couple of years. Or how Roger Clemens treated the Red Sox, Blue Jays, and Yankees.

Greed is good. Free agency is good. Opt-outs are good. Loyalty is bad. It's a situation that keeps everybody on their toes.

Alex Rodriguez on "Exposed."

I find it amusing that every Alex Rodriguez utterance is deeply analyzed for every nuance. At the same time, Joe Torre freely contradicts himself mid-sentence and Omar Minaya doesn't even finish his thoughts.

Now that I've pointed this out to you, I may ruin your life.

Just listen to Omar Minaya interviewed on the radio or television.

Guy starts a thought and then never concludes the thought before starting down a new discussion path. The conclusion just sort of hangs there like an Alay Soler curveball. It's an implied conversation. It's a bisecting rhetorical soliloquy. He's having a debate with himself.


The Alex Rodriguez situation is not that difficult to understand, people.

As of this moment, Alex Rodriguez wants to finish his career as a Yankee. That's what he says. He has an opt-out which he doesn't plan on using.

However, he is not 100% sure this will occur, because nobody can be 100% sure of the future.

If the Yankees don't want him back, then he doesn't want to be back.

It must be a day that ends in "y."

(1) Jon Heyman attacks Gary Sheffield's character and (2) Commissioner Lurch says something dumb:

"Arte Moreno, all during the whole drug thing ... I didn't have any more aggressive, supportive owner."

The "whole drug thing," huh?

You mean the thing with the guy?

Oh, one more thing: Why is the "whole drug thing" being referred to in the past tense?

Tim Marchman Fights the Good Fight.

As a bonus, he goes right after Lupica.

I really don't have much to add to this exceedingly excellent column of excellentness except, "Word":

"We live, as our bluenoses are ever so quick to remind us, in a society of laws. Among the most fundamental of those, right up there with freedom of speech and freedom from arbitrary detention, is the right to define our legal relationships with others within the broader context of civil and criminal law. It is illegal to buy hGH without a prescription, and if Matthews did so and gets prosecuted for it, there's no reason to cry a single tear for him. That being said, the Angels don't have the right to fire him over it (certainly not because he's simply been accused of it in a magazine article), and that's a good thing. If owners want that right, they can try and negotiate for it at the bargaining table. If they can't get the players to agree, that's too bad."

You just can't win.

Why am I a baseball fan?

I'm not really sure why.

Somehow, when I was a child, I became completely transfixed with the in-game drama. Over the years, I developed a passionate rooting interest in one team, but I can also enjoy and appreciate baseball between any two teams -- as long as my favorite team's highly-paid players are not risking injury in the World Baseball Classic.

Way, way, way down on the list is "bragging rights":

"The Yankees still get more of the media coverage," Ben said. The others nodded. "We're still not 50-50 with them. Call it 60-40. We're coming on."

Just be careful what you wish for, Ben.

Because, the better your team plays, the more media coverage they will get. The more media coverage they get, the greater the possibility that Mike Lupica asks you questions while you wait in line for tickets.

I suddenly feel so irrelevant.

The Internet finds its higher purpose.

At long last, Curt Schilling has an outlet for his thoughts and opinions.

Revenge!

The Yankees are so egocentric.

I know Andy Pettitte wears his cap low on his forehead and won four rings with the Yankees, but I don't know why he has reputation as a great character guy.

In his three years with the Astros, Pettitte was paid $tens of millions and played in one World Series.

How happy do you think the Astros are to find out that their well-paid hometown pitcher was bored stiff during last year's pennant race?:

"At the end of the year, we're all frustrated and we don't know if we want to do this again, and all of that stuff," Torre said. "He was so frustrated and he just felt there was something missing, and I think he felt that the something missing was his desire to play."

So I could be a hitting coach.

"Even in spring training, Jason Giambi sees 'The Shift.' And he expects opposing defenses to continue to move an extra infielder to the right side when he bats because of his tendency to pull the ball.

But Giambi and the Yankees are working this spring on having him go back to using the entire field."

" 'It's to be a better hitter, so that you're more consistent,' hitting coach Kevin Long said yesterday. 'I don't think we're doing this to combat the shift. That's not what it's about.' "

" 'It's what he did when he was an MVP. It's what he did when he was at his best. It's what he wants to do and I want to see him accomplish it.' "

Somebody on the Yankees realized that Giambi should hit the ball more to the left side of the field, like he did when he hit .342?

I suddenly feel so important.

For the past five years, I thought my shouts from the bleachers seats were going unheeded.

While we're at it, "What are you swingin' at?"

My work here is done.

Heyman disses Al-Sor.

"If Yankees superstar Alex Rodriguez exercises his opt-out clause after this season and walks away from the $81 million and three years remaining on his record contract, he may be subjected to even more boos in the Bronx."

Is ARod "in the Bronx" or are the boos "in the Bronx"?

Because, in ARod's current situation, he is subjected to boos in the Bronx during 81 homes games.

If ARod walks away from his Yankee contract, then he'd probably play for another team.

Even if that team visits the Bronx from time to time, ARod would seldom be subjected to boos in the Bronx because he is not in the Bronx.

Maybe he means "boos emanating from the Bronx."


"(Alfonso Soriano, seen as barely a bit player in A-Rod's trade to the Yankees three years ago, recently got $136 million over eight years from the Cubs in an exploding market reflective of the industry's revenues doubling to $6 billion in a matter of a few years.)"

Alfonso Soriano was third in rookie of the year voting in 2000. He was 3rd in MVP voting in 2001 and 20th in MVP voting in 2002. Two-time all star in his first three seasons.

If I spent some time, I could find lots of articles from three years ago which claimed that Soriano was on his way to becoming a 50 HR / 50 SB player, that Soriano would certainly hit more HRs in Texas than ARod would hit in the Bronx, and that the Rangers got the best of the trade.

Alfonso Soriano was never seen as a bit player.

I was going to say Dallas Green.

"The greatest New York Yankees managers of all time?

Try these: Joe McCarthy, Miller Huggins, Casey Stengel.

And Joe Torre."

Bucky Dent?


"Everybody knows, himself included, if the Yankees don't make it to the World Series in October, his career in pinstripes is probably over.

That is a sad testament for baseball, if not our society. Anything less than first place doesn't count."

Mr. Bodley, why does your list of greatest Yankees managers include Joe McCarthy, Miller Huggins, Casey Stengel ...

And Joe Torre?

Because they won.

What a sad testament for baseball, if not our society.

Not like the good ol' days when American ballplayers politely vied for second place.


"When Torre took over the Yankees in 1996, they hadn't won a World Series in 18 years. He reeled off an incredible four out of five."

What does it matter if the Yankees had not won a World Series in 18 years? Mr. Bodley is saying that anything less than first place doesn't count. What a sad testament for baseball, if not our society.


"The Yankees looked terrible in losing to the Detroit Tigers in last year's American League Division Series, dropping three consecutive games after taking the opener."

With a $200 million payroll.

But who cares who wins and who loses?

Keeping score in a competitive endeavor is a sad testament for baseball, if not our society.


Read this:

"Torre would be back for the final year of his contract, the highest-paid manager in the history of baseball at $7.5 million this season."

Then read this:

" 'You get hurt,' he says. 'I don't think it's strong enough to say you feel sorry for yourself. The last thing I want to do is say, 'Woe is me.' Nobody wants to hear that.' "

Yes, I'd agree that nobody wants to hear the highest-paid manager in the history of baseball say "Woe is me."

But if the last thing Torre wants to say is "woe is me," then he shouldn't even utter the phrase, "woe is me."

If it's not strong enough to say you feel sorry for yourself, then why did you just say you feel sorry for yourself?

The words that you're not saying are the same words that are coming out of your mouth.

"Dignified" Torre pulls this trick all the time.

"I wouldn't say ARod is a choking loser and I want to punch him in the kidney, so let's just say that he appeared uncomfortable in some of today's at-bats."

If you really don't want to say something, then you don't say it. You don't spend all day talking about how much you aren't saying it.