Mike Lupica is a dummy.

"And, oh by the way, if the Yankees were such smarties about Andy Pettitte's elbow, as I've been hearing all over the airwaves all summer, why in the world did they offer him about $50 million on his way out the door?"

• Lupica should make up his mind. Did the Yankees want Pettitte, or didn't they? Because his whole well-documented "George of the Bungle" take is that the Yankees were "dummies" for running Pettitte out the door. Now, in retrospect, they're "dummies" for offering him a ton of money to keep him in New York. (Lupica doesn't actually refer to the Yankees as "dummies," just suggests they were not "smarties." I conducted a poll of several 3-year-olds over the weekend, and they concurred that the semantic opposite of "smarty" is "dummy." They also said Lupica is a poo poo head, but apparently Lupica has lifetime enforcement of the I'm Rubber, You're Glue clause and, therefore, the insult did not stick.)
• I agree with Lupica's latest observation. The Yankees were not "smarties" for offering Pettitte all that money. But if the Yankees were not "smarties" for offering Pettitte so much, then what does that make Mike Lupica if he wanted the Yankees to offer even more money and more years on the contract? Yes. Mike Lupica just called himself a "dummy" and he didn't even realize it.

Mr. Dummy then sets the new record for consecutive columns that ridicule Yankee payroll. It's his own record and he adds to it with every column he writes:

"This is the time of year when Mr. Steinbrenner gets to rest that check-writing hand, which I'm pretty sure is why he doesn't have that carpal tunnel deal yet."

Truly a chuckle-inducing observation by Lupica. Imagine Steinbrenner with a wrist injury caused by writing too many checks for his high payroll. Ha ha ha. LOL. That's funny. Quite an original observation, too.

I really hope Visa doesn't see it and sue Lupica for plagiarism.