Heyman disses Al-Sor.

"If Yankees superstar Alex Rodriguez exercises his opt-out clause after this season and walks away from the $81 million and three years remaining on his record contract, he may be subjected to even more boos in the Bronx."

Is ARod "in the Bronx" or are the boos "in the Bronx"?

Because, in ARod's current situation, he is subjected to boos in the Bronx during 81 homes games.

If ARod walks away from his Yankee contract, then he'd probably play for another team.

Even if that team visits the Bronx from time to time, ARod would seldom be subjected to boos in the Bronx because he is not in the Bronx.

Maybe he means "boos emanating from the Bronx."


"(Alfonso Soriano, seen as barely a bit player in A-Rod's trade to the Yankees three years ago, recently got $136 million over eight years from the Cubs in an exploding market reflective of the industry's revenues doubling to $6 billion in a matter of a few years.)"

Alfonso Soriano was third in rookie of the year voting in 2000. He was 3rd in MVP voting in 2001 and 20th in MVP voting in 2002. Two-time all star in his first three seasons.

If I spent some time, I could find lots of articles from three years ago which claimed that Soriano was on his way to becoming a 50 HR / 50 SB player, that Soriano would certainly hit more HRs in Texas than ARod would hit in the Bronx, and that the Rangers got the best of the trade.

Alfonso Soriano was never seen as a bit player.

I was going to say Dallas Green.

"The greatest New York Yankees managers of all time?

Try these: Joe McCarthy, Miller Huggins, Casey Stengel.

And Joe Torre."

Bucky Dent?


"Everybody knows, himself included, if the Yankees don't make it to the World Series in October, his career in pinstripes is probably over.

That is a sad testament for baseball, if not our society. Anything less than first place doesn't count."

Mr. Bodley, why does your list of greatest Yankees managers include Joe McCarthy, Miller Huggins, Casey Stengel ...

And Joe Torre?

Because they won.

What a sad testament for baseball, if not our society.

Not like the good ol' days when American ballplayers politely vied for second place.


"When Torre took over the Yankees in 1996, they hadn't won a World Series in 18 years. He reeled off an incredible four out of five."

What does it matter if the Yankees had not won a World Series in 18 years? Mr. Bodley is saying that anything less than first place doesn't count. What a sad testament for baseball, if not our society.


"The Yankees looked terrible in losing to the Detroit Tigers in last year's American League Division Series, dropping three consecutive games after taking the opener."

With a $200 million payroll.

But who cares who wins and who loses?

Keeping score in a competitive endeavor is a sad testament for baseball, if not our society.


Read this:

"Torre would be back for the final year of his contract, the highest-paid manager in the history of baseball at $7.5 million this season."

Then read this:

" 'You get hurt,' he says. 'I don't think it's strong enough to say you feel sorry for yourself. The last thing I want to do is say, 'Woe is me.' Nobody wants to hear that.' "

Yes, I'd agree that nobody wants to hear the highest-paid manager in the history of baseball say "Woe is me."

But if the last thing Torre wants to say is "woe is me," then he shouldn't even utter the phrase, "woe is me."

If it's not strong enough to say you feel sorry for yourself, then why did you just say you feel sorry for yourself?

The words that you're not saying are the same words that are coming out of your mouth.

"Dignified" Torre pulls this trick all the time.

"I wouldn't say ARod is a choking loser and I want to punch him in the kidney, so let's just say that he appeared uncomfortable in some of today's at-bats."

If you really don't want to say something, then you don't say it. You don't spend all day talking about how much you aren't saying it.

Tough as nails.

The Yankees drink lots of green tea.

Billy Martin and Mickey Mantle would be proud.

Get out while you can.

" 'He never refused the ball, but we pushed the envelope a little bit with him,' Joe Torre said of Proctor, who led AL relievers with 102 1/3 innings, appeared in consecutive games 19 times, and worked three games in three days three times."

Proctor led AL relievers in appearances and innings only because Torre had previously shredded the shoulders of Tanyon Sturtze and Steve Karsay.

Which forces Cashman to carry twelve pitchers.

Which costs Bernie Williams a roster spot.

While Torre wonders why Bernie Williams won't return his phone calls.


Anyway, this article is about how Proctor is guaranteed a spot on the Yankees and can start settling down and look for an apartment in Manhattan.

George King describes the situation thusly:

"The Yankees' bullpen depth appears better than in recent years, but the chances of Chris Britton, Jose Veras, Luis Vizcaino or Humberto Sanchez taking Proctor's seventh-inning gig away are astronomical."

The chances of the non-Proctors pitching in the seventh inning are astronomical.

The chances of the non-Proctors pitching in the seventh inning are inconceivably large.

The possibility of this particular outcome is inconceivably large.


I know the New York Post ain't the New Yorker, and I also figured out what King is trying to say.

King meant to say the odds for the non-Proctors, compared to Proctor, are astronomical. Also acceptable would be that the chances for the non-Proctors are infinitesimal.

Since I am a reader who has a working knowledge of the English language, I was forced to do a triple-take.

George, seriously: Put down the booze and pick up a dictionary.

Hey, pay attention, Joe Torre.

"Last year was [Bernie Williams's] farewell tour," Cashman said. "A lot of people in this organization would have let him go after 2005, but I brought him back because of who he was and because we had a need.

I'm trying to do this as respectfully as I can. It's a balancing act between your emotional ties to someone you love and what's best for your team. And whenever you're transitioning to younger players, this is what happens.

Sometimes I just want to say, 'Hey, pay attention here.' We're talking about a role player here, the 25th man on the roster. I know what Bernie Williams meant to this team, but he's not that guy anymore."

At least Rollins and Reyes won't be having any sleepovers.

Parsing Wallace.

"The two of them couldn't be more different, as ballplayers and as individuals ..."

Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez couldn't be more different as ballplayers.

Hmmm.

Both are right-handed hitting shortstops with speed, power, high on-base percentage, too many strikeouts, five tools, excellent baserunning, multiple gold gloves, multiple all star appearances, and Hall of Fame careers in the making.

You know who couldn't be more different as ballplayers?

Glenallen Hill and Randy Choate.

Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez are practically identical as ballplayers. ARod hits more homeruns and Jeter has experienced more postseason success. That's about the only difference.

Sassy.

Isn't anybody going to wonder why grown men were having sleepovers five days a week?

Can anyone imagine Thurman Munson having sleepovers with Carlton Fisk?

What the heck is a "sleepover," anyway? I haven't used that word since I was nine years old. I think a grown man might "crash at your place," but you don't have a "sleepovers" unless you also rent Woody Allen movies and have pillow fights.


In any case, I have a challenge for Wallace Matthews: If you were to describe Alex Rodriguez in the most homoerotic way possible, how would you do it?:

"Alex Rodriguez, Esq., strode into the dugout ready for his close-up, in designer jeans, leather slip-ons, a black windbreaker and a tan deeper than George Steinbrenner's pockets."

ARod has a nice tan -- and distracting clear, blue eyes -- like a pool that that's beckoning you into its deep end.


"The nickname 'Esquire' seems to fit because it is clear he will never live down the interview he gave to the magazine of the same name six years ago, which may have been the last time he was truly candid."

Esquire is not a nickname, it's a title.

A nickname might be "Sweet Cheeks" or "Honey Bun."


"This is the true curse of being A-Rod. It is not his October meltdowns or his defensive lapses or his disturbing failure to do much more as a Yankee than compile an impressive array of essentially meaningless statistics."

I don't think his impressive array of statistics are meaningless.

No more or less meaningless than any other player's statistics, though certainly more impressive.

Not in the last two playoffs, that's for sure.

But the degree of anti-ARod, Esq. sentiment seems to be something more than that.

Perhaps people don't like the way ARod sits in the dugout:

"It is that even sitting in a dugout, he always looks as if he just stepped out of the makeup chair and sounds as if he just finished memorizing a script. You're never quite sure when he's telling the truth or just acting out some homework assignment from his therapist. Everything comes off as pre-written, vetted, edited and rehearsed."

He loves me.
He loves me not.
He loves me.
He loves me not.

Lisa, will you marry me?

And I always thought the Subway Squawkers at the Daily News were useless ...

"In the first day of spring training, Torre finally explained to reporters why he batted Alex Rodriguez eighth in Game 4 of the ALDS:

Torre insisted it wasn't a slap at A-Rod, but the result of moving Melky Cabrera up in the batting order because, 'I was just trying to get some energy up at the top.'

I don't know what's more annoying about that statement:

The fact that he had four months to come up with an explanation for this decision, and this is apparently the best he could come up with,

The fact that nobody else seemed to check the game's box score to see where Cabrera actually batted in the lineup. Melky batted NINTH in that game, so the suggestion that A-Rod needed to bat eighth so Cabrera could be at the top of the order is, at best, sheer nonsense.

For $7.5 million a year, I expect the manager to come up with a better explanation or whatever you want to call it for batting A-Rod eighth."

Torre's Boyz.

"Manager Joe Torre reveal he'd called and urged Bernie Williams to come to camp, where he'd surely find room on a crowded roster, in spite of management's obvious feelings otherwise."

I like Torre's idea of "thinking of" Giambi as first baseman, presumably opening up a spot for Bernie as DH.

Of course, if the Yankees were looking for a right-handed DH, maybe they should have just kept Gary Sheffield. Or signed Frank Thomas. Or signed Shea Hillenbrand.

But since Torre now thinks he's the GM, maybe he should take off the uniform and move into the executive offices. I will gladly help him wordsmith his resume.

A couple more observations:

(1) Torre's comments amount to insubordination. In the division of duties, Cashman provides the players and Torre decides when and where they play. Torre probably has a lot of leeway when it comes to on-field decisions and it's always best if everyone in the enterprise is buying into the same vision. But Cashman is still Torre's boss and Cashman decides which players are on the 2007 Yankees.

(2) Is it more respectful to be honest with Bernie Williams and tell him that there is no room for him on the roster? Or is it more respectful to falsely imply to Bernie Williams that Jason Giambi might play first base and Bernie is going to take the Phillips/Phelps roster spot?

In this example, it's cruel to be kind.


Bernie is absolutely talented enough to play major league baseball in 2007.

If he really wants to, he should simply go play for another team.

It's not disrespectful to honestly explain to a man face to face that you no longer have employment for him.

Ninth is not eighth.

"Asked where he'd hit Rodriguez, Torre said he didn't know, but 'it won't be eighth.' "

No matador in the world can deflect all this bull ...

"Like the matador deftly avoiding a raging bull, Joe Torre has spent 11 long years navigating around George Steinbrenner's mood swings."

Here's your raging bull for ya: Reporters chasing around a confused old man.


"But Year 12 has presented Torre with the greatest challenge of his Yankee-era career – coping with a Boss who seems more determined to fire Torre than at any time since 1996."

Well, in 1996, Torre's first season as manager of the Yankees, the Yankees won the World Series.

Shortly thereafter, the Yankees won three consecutive World Series titles.

For the first five years, the crazed bull wasn't even charging the deft matador.

However, in the six years since, Torre has won zero World Series titles despite making the playoffs every year.

That losing streak is not necessarily a fireable offense, but it's quite clear to the most casual observer that Torre has been strategically outmanaged and has now even lost his ability to motivate his team.


"Crazy, isn't it?"

Yes, it's crazy that Joe Torre still has his job.


"The most successful Yankee manager of the last half-century is somehow on a one-summer audition."

You said the same thing last year and the year before and the year before and the year before.

If only I could believe you.


"The win-or-else philosophy is suddenly more than just Torre's job description; this time it's a real threat. He's going into the season without job security, which means the Yankees will need a world championship to keep Torre from being dismissed."

Cool.

In that case, maybe Torre won't blow off the first round of the playoffs. Maybe he won't drop Alex Rodriguez to 8th in the batting order. Maybe he won't play Gary Sheffield at first base. Maybe he won't bench Melky Cabrera and then play Melky Cabrera and then drop Alex Rodriguez to 8th in the batting order because Melky Cabrera would bring "energy" to the top of the lineup but that makes no sense because are you saying the Yankees didn't need energy in the first three games of the playoffs?

You want to talk about energy?

Maybe, in game three of the playoffs, when your team's back is against the wall, and your third baseman tags out a baserunner, and the umpire calls the baserunner safe, maybe the manager of the team can put down the bottle of Poland Spring and go kick the umpire in the family jewels.

Maybe instead of being "classy" and getting god damned standing ovations at god damned Fenway Park, maybe you go tell that umpire that the next time he disrespects the Yankees and the game of baseball like that, he ought to go home and drink some rat poison.

Oh, and the next time Paul Lo Duca thinks he can come into Yankee Stadium and talk smack to Alex Rodriguez, he wakes up with a horse head in his bed.

The loss to the Tigers was just small sample size. Torre's aloofness is really calmness. Torre's so noncommittal to the dream job of managing the Yankees, that he is basically daring Steinbrenner to fire him.

I can't read this article anymore.

I'm going to read this instead.

The under/over is July 15.

"Yankee fans still love Torre."

Yes.

Yes, we do.

As Valentine's Day approaches, I am trying to write a poem that describes how much I love Joe Torre. I just need to think of some words that rhyme with "ringworm."


The most interesting storyline of the 2007 season may be listening to Joe Girardi campaign for Torrre's job every night on the YES Network:

"He did not just win four World Series in his first six years managing the Yankees"

First five years managing the Yankees.

"he made it harder for Yankee haters to hate them than at any time in the history of the franchise."

Which means that Lupica the Yankee hater stopped hating the Yankees for a brief period of time.

But why is that a good thing?

I hope Yankee haters continue to hate the Yankees.

I hope the Yankee hating eats at their black souls and ruins their lives.

It's my idea of fun.

"That is the first six years."

The first five years.

The loss to Arizona in the 2001 World Series was still, you know, a loss.

Mike Lupica was required to write about Alex Rodriguez again.

"Steve Phillips was the general manager of the Mets when Alex Rodriguez first became a free agent. In the end the Mets didn't go after Rodriguez and one of the reasons Phillips gave, and people wanted to drop a safe on him because of it, was because he thought A-Rod was a '24-and-1' guy."

Yes, that's true, and Steve Phillips was lying the whole time.

Because Phillips instantly brought in Mike Piazza, and Piazza got his own luxury suites and private plane trips, or whatever.

A few years after that, the Mets brought in the biggest prima donna in baseball, who hasn't even lived up to his contract. Nobody complains because he's a great baseball player.

Great baseball players help your team win baseball games.

Oh, and by the way, I must have forgotten about all the Championship rings the Mets have won with Jose Reyes and Rey Ordonez.


"Meaning your team has 24 other guys and him."

Oh, is that what "24-and-1" means?

Thank you, Mr. Professional Baseball Writer.

I thought it was a football term that meant it was 24th down and 1 yard to go for a first down.


"Sometimes it seems as if there are three baseball teams in New York requiring full-time coverage, the Yankees, the Mets, and Alex Rodriguez."

Yes, it does sometimes seem that way.

It seems like the New York press follows him around wherever he goes and writes about everything he does, even when it is mindnumbingly uninteresting.

There is one guy in particular who seems oddly obsessed with Alex Rodriguez, in a negative way.

How do I describe this guy? Looks a little like Milhouse from the Simpsons; screechy voice; doesn't know what he's talking about most of the time; loves the Red Sox and Mets, hates the Yankees...


"By now there is no question that this guy isn't just the highest-paid superstar in baseball history or Yankee history. He is the highest-maintenance."

I wonder how true this really is.

The Yankees shouldn't care about his off-season bookstore appearances or his off-season interview demands. I personally don't care. I don't understand why the New York press corps follows him around like stray cats and then write columns where they say the New York press talks about Alex Rodriguez too much.

How high maintenance is Alex Rodriguez?

He's probably an arrogant snot, but that's too bad. You're paid $5 million to manage a $200 million payroll. Sounds like a gig the other 29 major league managers would gladly accept.

You put him at third base every day, you bat him fourth every day.

You get .300/.400/.550, 40 hrs, 20 stolen bases, 120 runs, and 120 rbis. You get a lot of strikeouts and, in 2006, too many errors.

ARod is seldom hurt and he seldom makes mental mistakes in the field or on the basepaths. He knows more about the opponent than you do, I can promise you that. He is the most well-conditioned player on your team, I can also promise you that.

Sounds like a tough job for a manager whose team wasn't mentally prepared to play the so-called "upstart" Detroit Tigers.

Maybe the fact that the manager allowed 95-win team to be perceived as "upstarts" is the problem right there.

Poor Yankees. Poor Joe Torre. Poor New York press.

They should get Mike Lamb to play third base and see what happens.

Third-place teams are so much easier to maintain, aren't they?

Bernie Williams is probably my favorite baseball player ever.

I watched him play quite a few games with the defunct Albany-Colonie Yankees.

I always liked centerfielders, from Paul Blair to Mickey Rivers to Bobby Brown.

He's a cool dude in a loose mood.

He creates relaxing music for doctor's offices in Puerto Rico.

His first name is Bernabe.

He played his entire career with the Yankees.

Guess what?

My favorite baseball player's baseball-playing career is over:

"The buzz around the Yankees' minor league camp, where Derek Jeter and Jorge Posada were among those working out, was they would see their long-time pal when position players report on Feb. 18."

For real?

That's the buzz around the Yankees' minor league camp?

Not the all-you-can-eat buffet at the Country Kitchen?


Let's see how far George King can bend baseball reality in his attempt to make a case for Bernie Williams playing baseball for the New York Yankees in 2007:

"Based on how well Williams did last year (.281, 12 HRs, 61 RBIs in 420 ABs) when he played more than expected due to injuries to Gary Sheffield and Matsui, he would likely be a contributor off the bench if used as the fourth outfielder and occasional DH."

You caught that, didn't you?

Fourth outfielder?

1. Matsui.
2. Damon.
3. Abreu.
4. Cabrera.

Which brings up an interesting point. My hunch is that 99% of the fans who want Bernie back also want Melky to get more playing time.

"However, Williams' strengths aren't as a pinch-runner, defensive replacement or pinch-hitter (3-for-23; .158 a year ago) - skills usually required of extra outfielders. And the Yankees have Kevin Thompson and Kevin Reese who can pinch run and play defense."

5. Thompson.
6. Reese.


I mean, sure, if the Yankees are hit with a lot of injuries, then Bernie would be a great player to have waiting in the wings.

Maybe Bernie would be willing to play in Scranton all year and wait for a September call-up or wait for a few injuries on the 25-man roster.

It's quite a demotion for a player with near-HOF credentials, but it's his life, and playing baseball for a living is better than a fork in the eye.

Who knows? It's not impossible that Bernie will one day play again for the Yankees.

Just please, please, please take a realistic look at the Yankees' 2007 roster and don't create absurd scenarios just to fit Bernie in.

Like this:

"Or they could use Cairo at first against lefties, and thus not need either Phelps or Phillips."

Miguel Cairo at first base against lefties?

Or they could use a 3-man rotation.

Or they could petition the commissioner's office for a 26-man roster.

Or they could play Jorge in CF on Sunday day games, freeing up the catcher position for Bernie.

All ARod, all the time.

It's apparently headline news when Alex Rodriguez goes to a bookstore and says nothing interesting.

Some of the headlines actually read, "Alex Rodriguez Sidesteps Questions."

Not to get all technical, but shouldn't news at least contain something new?


Jerry Crasnick has attempted an impossible task.

He's predicting the future or ARod and the Yankees and, for the sake of brevity, he has taken an infinite number of possibilities and boiled them down to three.

Crasnick has basically presented the Three Bears' porridge: Scenario one is too cold, scenario two is too hot, and scenario three is in between. Something will happen in the next year and it will likely approximate one of those three scenarios.

What's interesting to me is scenario one, which is where we may be able draw the line in the sand. ARod's 2004 postseason:

"Rodriguez's 2007 regular-season numbers are impressive, but they're rendered meaningless when the Yankees are bounced in the Division Series. It's A-Rod's fourth straight October flameout, and he's getting torched on WFAN radio and buried in the tabloids. He's thinking about wearing a Bobby Valentine nose-and-glasses disguise around town just to maintain his sanity."

2004 ALDS: 4 games, 8-for-19, 3 2b, 1 hr, 2 walks, 2 stolen bases, 3 runs, 2 rbis. .421 ba, .476 ob%, .737 slg%

2004 ALCS: 7 games, 8-for-31, 2 2b, 2 hr, 4 walks, 8 runs, 3 rbis. .258 ba, .378 ob%, .516 slg%.

2004 playoffs: 11 games, 16-for-50, 5 2b, 3 hr, 6 walks, 2 stolen bases, 11 runs, 5 rbis. .320 ba, .414 ob%, .600 slg%.


This is why I don't trust the anti-ARod crowd.

Not because of the criticisms of 2005 and 2006 postseasons. The numbers speak for themselves and he deserves a large dose of blame.

But when he was unfairly criticized for his 2004 postseason, I lost faith in the credibility of the accuser.

What's your agenda when you claim that ARod "flamed out" in the 2004 postseason?

Is Vlad Guerrero a choker because he hit 1-for-20 in the 2005 ALCS?

Is Albert Pujols a choker because he hit 3-for-15 in the World Series, when it really counts?

If the answer is "yes" in one case, then the answer is "yes" in all cases. Because that's the small sample size horse you rode in on. When that horse bucks you off, your butt is going to hurt.

Expect misfortune when reading a Wallace Matthews column.

"Or go back to last August, when Rodriguez camped under an easy pop-up and out of nowhere came his nemesis, er, teammate, Derek Jeter, running into him, knocking the ball out of his glove, and subjecting poor Alex to the scorn of the Yankee Stadium faithful once again.

Never mind that the error was later shifted to Jeter. For the rest of the game, the crowd continued to jeer A-Rod as if he had recreated Merkle's Boner."

Yuck.

Speaking of boners, Wallace Matthews hasn't lost his hard-on for Joe Torre:

"[Alex Rodriguez] has 119 homers and 357 RBIs in three years here, won a second MVP, yet his tenure is widely viewed as a disaster. When viewed through the prism of situations, not statistics, A-Rod's Yankees career is truly less than the sum of its parts.

When last seen in pinstripes, Rodriguez had been ignominiously dropped to eighth in the order after his 1-for-11 performance in the first three playoff games against the Tigers. He responded to the motivational tactic by going hitless in the season-ending 8-3 loss that nearly cost Joe Torre his job."

When viewed through the prism of Wallace Matthews's brain, Joe Torre's blameshifting tactic is motivational.

Football is still different than baseball.

"Last night's title and MVP for Peyton Manning didn't prove he's a clutch performer. The 2005 and 2006 ALDS's didn't prove A-Rod is an unclutch performer. They're just samples of data, surrounded by noise. Manning's ring does, however, prove one thing: he's capable of coming through in the biggest situations, he does have what it takes. And everyone who said he didn't was wrong."

I just disagree with the part about Manning playing spectacularly in the 2007 playoffs.

Manning "proved he could win the big game" because the Colts defense got good.

Strange Days.

Esteemed Senator Kerry,

As one of one-hundred United States senators, what is foremost in your mind?

"A Red Sox fan ought to be able to watch their team without having to switch to DirecTV."

Well, they can always listen on the radio or follow pitch-by-pitch on the Internet.

Problem solved.

Next in the inbox is the $999,000,0000,0000,000.00 budget deficit.

Seriously, though: What about the buildup of American warships in the Persian Gulf? The latest scientific reports that global warming is accelerating and irreversible? The "uptick" of American troops in Iraq?

I mean, do you even realize that you're supposedly a representative of the American people and most American people don't even care about baseball?

They care about feeding their children and the price of gas.

700 wins in one season would be, like, a record.

While playing manager, GM, and spiritual advisor for the Yankees, Mike Mussina drops some fuzzy math:

"I think the expectations in New York -- playing for the Yankees, all of the media coverage -- the expectations are large. They're high. Randy, his name is synonymous with 15 strikeouts, 20 wins. When you put on pinstripes, you're expected to do that 35 times a year."

Football is different than baseball.

"Maybe A-Rod will finally have a playoff series - or even just one playoff game - like Peyton had last Sunday against the Patriots. Peyton is now halfway to changing his own place in football history, halfway because last Sunday won't mean anything in the long run if he can't beat the Bears next Sunday.

If he can do it, maybe A-Rod can."

Alex Rodriguez's has never played in a World Series.

Maybe that is what Lupica means.

But I don't think that is what Lupica means.

Last Sunday, in an important playoff game, Peyton Manning was 27-for-47 for 349 yards and one TD.

What is the baseball equivalent of this?

I don't know, excactly. I think it's a pointless comparison.

But I do know that ARod hit .409/.480/.773 against the Yankees in the 2000 ALCS. That's better than 27-for-47, 349.

I also know that ARod hit .421/.476/.737 against the Twins in the 2004 ALDS. That's better than 27-for-47, 349.

You're looking for a single game? How about this game? 4-for-5 with a double, a homerun, 2 rbis, and 2 runs scored. Trust me, that's better than 27-for-47, 349. It's like 37-for-47, 480, and 4 TDs.

I must be a genius. I found "just one playoff game" performance by Alex Rodriguez that's better than Peyton Manning's performance last Sunday. I could easily find several more

Or maybe I'm just proving why it's dumb to compare football to baseball.

After all, ARod doesn't pitch.

With sentimental pushes like that ...

Have you ever heard of the rule of three?

Basically, lists of three have a certain rhythm that is often appealing. For example, the rule of three is very noticeable in advertisements or joke telling.

It's the only explanation I can think of for Bernie Williams's inclusion in Johnette Howard's list:

"This Yankees nostalgia kick is way over the top. Granted, it's been years and a couple zillion dollars since the Yankees last won the World Series, but you know the sentimental push to bring back title-team stars Andy Pettitte, Bernie Williams and Roger Clemens has gone way too far when Jim Leyritz announces he wants to make a comeback, too."


This is the Yankees' so-called sentimental push for Bernie Williams, as described on the Yankee website:

"The Yankees have made it a point to tread delicately regarding Bernie Williams' future this winter.

But with Spring Training drawing closer and no contract offers yet from the club, Williams is accepting the idea that his 16-year career with the Yankees may be over.

...

He has been waiting for the Yankees to make him an offer, but told the newspaper that he understands it may not appear.


'Part of me says if they wanted me, they would have made an offer by now,' Williams told the Journal-News. 'When you play this game for a long time, you take things for granted and think it won't end. But the harsh reality of it is, it will.'"

J.V. shortstop gets his revenge.

All the grand jury testimony and leaks of confidential information and Congressional hearings. What does it really all boil down to? A frustrated athlete who got cut from the team:

"Kevin could have been a star," says Greg Suhr, the San Francisco deputy police chief and Ryan's childhood friend. "If he had used steroids or something like that, you're talking about another 25 pounds of muscle, more speed and a whole lot more recruiters. But he … played by the rules. You do the best with what you got. That's what he's always believed in.

"What he's doing now with BALCO, and Barry Bonds, and all of these guys who cheat, he's striking a blow for the good guys."

President Truman, what do you think of Lazzeri's range to his left?

I'm not sure if this is more embarrassing for the President or for the reporter.

Where's the love for Kevin Maas?

So, Cashman has won nothing on his own.

"In the 14 months since he wrestled power away from George Steinbrenner's cabal of advisors in Florida, Cashman has reformatted the Yankees into an organization determined to develop star players rather than pay a premium for them. Along with significant roster changes, Cashman has made a series of personnel moves within the baseball operations department, firing several longtime scouts and coaches and reassigning others."

In the 14 months since Cashman wrestled power away from George Steinbrenner's cabal of advisors in Florida, the Yankees have a .250 winning percentage in the playoffs.

I think this much-maligned cabal of advisors was winning Championship rings while Brian Cashman was a gofer for the Columbus Clippers.

Heck, I'll bet the much-maligned cabal of advisors could have picked up some bats and managed one lousy run against Kenny Rogers.

Stick to the stories about guys chasing after a ball on a field.

"To the end, people continue to try to protect a guy who doesn't deserve it, and act as if a leak about use of a banned substance is more significant than the drug use itself. Wonderful."

This may be a difficult concept for Mike Lupica to understand, but Barry Bonds deserves protection simply because he is a citizen of the United States.

The Bill of Rights is not a joke.

Mike Lupica, and a lot of other short-sighted folks, have no use for the Fourth Amendment. Not until maybe their teenage son is pulled over on a highway, 4:00 am, breath smells of alcohol. Maybe he took a few cough drops is all. Maybe the cop is a Mets fan who reads the name on the license and doesn't like what his pop said about Carlos Beltran.

Maybe Lupica doesn't care about confidential grand jury testimonies until he gets a subpoena.

Maybe Lupica doesn't care about the Fourth Amendment until a late-night knock on his door. Lupica talked to a confidential source who might have known something about something really important like steroid use and homerun records. Now the FBI wants to take a look-see at all of Lupica's computer files.


Guess what, everybody?

Barry Bonds took performance-enhancing substances of some kind, whether they were illegal, legal, or in a pseudo-legal grey area. Bonds is probably going to get off because he was careful enoguh to maintain plausible deniability. This is not fair. Hank Aaron's homerun record will be broken by a selfish cheat.

Get over it.

The Nero Congress is wasting its time trying to protect the records of their boyhood idols.

The prosecutors can't get Bonds within the rules, so they bend the rules. The ends justify the means. It's a far worse crime than cheating at baseball.


Baseball is a game.

The Bill of Rights is not a game.

Hall of Fame 2017.

I've got a Hall of Fame debate for you.

A player who has played for nine years and has already accumulated five all-star appearances, three gold gloves, and four silver slugger awards.

Never won an MVP, but came in the top ten three times.

.333 career batting average and a 162-game average of 33 homeruns and 113 runs batted in.

No postseason exploits to bolster his candidacy, but no off-field shenanigans to hamper his candidacy, either.

His "Most Similar" players at baseball-reference.com are Hank Greenberg and Vladimir Guerrero.

You think it's difficult to factor in the steroid era? Try factoring the steroid era at Coors Field.

Mad Libs.

Just replace "major league baseball" with "Pakistan" and "steroid use" with "find Osama bin Laden."

If you pretend, you may be able to sleep better tonight, with the knowledge that your elected representatives have their priorities in order.

Also, take comfort in the fact that this guy is dictating America's domestic policies.

Tim Brown runs out of baseball players.

"Then there's Ledee, kind and affable and easy to root for. He's too young to be old, too talented to be done, and yet wonders what's next, if anything."

By major league baseball standards, Ricky Ledee is old.

Untalented, too.

Perspective.

What was I expecting when I decided to read Tommy Lasorda's blog?

Tommy Lasorda reminisces about the "mixed emotions" he felt when he first learned about Bobby Kennedy's assassination:

"It was a night of mixed emotions. While I was happy for Big Don, I was sad and angry about the assassination."

"Big Don" referring to Don Drysdale, who was the starting pitcher for the Dodgers that evening. Two earned runs in 6 1/3 innings.

Willie Randolph Hangin' Tough.

"More than ever, Randolph believes he can take this team where it needs to be. He is going to continue to manage in the same aggressive style that has turned the Mets around during his two-year tenure.

He will attack. Randolph said if he were presented again with the same Game 7 circumstances, he would not bunt the runners over in that fateful ninth.

If the Mets trailed by one run instead of two, he would have bunted, but he did not want to give up the out. He had faith in Cliff Floyd and rolled the dice, and the bottom line is Beltran got to the plate with the bases loaded."

I'm glad Kevin Kernan is not my accountant.

The Yankees are an old team.

"You know who the core group of young Yankees is at the present time?

Cano and Chien-Ming Wang.

That's the whole list, despite all the giddiness about pitching prospects from the Tigers and Diamondbacks."

True, the Yankees are old. But they did get younger this offseason. Which is something I don't care about too much, but it's something Lupica obsesses about.

Besides, Cashman's strategy is to flood the minors with youngsters and hope one or two of them stick. For example, Philip Hughes should definitely be on the list of the core group of young Yankees.

I'm also not sure why Lupica seldom seems to notice how old the Mets are. Wright, Reyes, and a whole bunch of artifacts. The Moises Alou signing didn't exactly help matters, right?

But the funniest part is Lupica's solution to make the Yankees younger. Replace 33-year-old Doug Mintkayvitch with 30-year-old Andy Phillips:

"What, Andy Phillips couldn't play first base?"

Yes, if Andy Phillips played first base instead of Doug Mintkayvitch, the Yankees' average age would go down 0.12 years.

Fresh and Exciting!


I also just like the fact that Lupica thinks Phillips is young just because Phillips has limited time in the pros.

Phillips is young because I haven't seen him play much baseball on television.

The aging that has occurred offscreen doesn't count.

It's like a baby covering its eyes and thinking it is invisible.

You had me, then you lost me.

Tim Marchman on December 27, 2006:

"Don't Give Up on Johnson in Pinstripes Just Yet."


Tim Marchman on January 5, 2007:

"Trade of Big Unit Is a Step In The Right Direction."

For Marchman's sake, let's hope that consistency really is the hobgoblin of small minds.


"The less important reason is that, all else being equal, it's a good idea for the Yankees to offload a superfluous former All-Star who didn't really seem part of the team. Picking up random people like Johnson, Alex Rodriguez, Kevin Brown, Gary Sheffield, Carl Pavano, and so on isn't why the Yankees haven't won a World Series since 2000, as most players of this class have played wonderfully for them. But on the other hand, Yankee voraciousness has in the past few years been associated with a growing sense of distance between fans and the team, as well as the loss of a sense of team identity. As long as they're sound on the merits, trades that send these kinds of players elsewhere are to be encouraged."

The growing distance between fans and players was so strong that 4,258,067 people went to Yankee Stadium last year to watch the Yankees play baseball. Ornery Randy Johnson may not have drawn anybody to the Stadium, but he didn't repel anybody, either.


Fans like winning. Fans root for the uniform. Even Roger Clemens is now being re-imagined as a clubhouse guy, a big game pitcher, and a True Yankee.

Why?

Because he won a couple of rings with the Yankees.

When you favorite team wins a Championship, it triggers endorphins in your brain, and then you associate all the good feelings with the players you see on the television screen.


However, the 2007 Yankees are not a marketing campaign, they're a professional baseball team.
If these spoiled fans disliked Randy Johnson's 17 wins so much, they may soon realize they dislike Kei Igawa's 17 losses even more.

Peter Abraham's efficient 18-person starting rotation.

How will the Yankees replaced Randy Johson's 17 wins and 200+ innings?

Peter Abraham has the obvious answer:

"As for the 17 wins, they can get 17 wins from Pavano, Igawa, Pettitte, Proctor, the assorted kids and - who knows? - perhaps one Roger Clemens."

It's a good strategy.

Why keep one pitcher who can win 17 games when you can use 10 or 11 pitchers for the same thing?

Every team should probably replace all their expensive, productive players.

The Phillies could easily replace Ryan Howard's 58 homeruns. Just make one trade to the Cardinals and replace Howard with So Taguchi, Scott Spiezio, Ronnie Belliard, Shane Victorino, Chris Coste, David Bell, David Dellucci, and all the outfielders on their AAA team.

Shame on you, Chris Girandola.

I mean, look, I know it's a tough assignment: "Write about Scott Brosius and his first inclusion on the Hall of Fame ballot."

I also know this article is for the company newsletter.

It's a fluff piece.

But if you want to maintain any shred of credibility for both yourself and your employer, you can't actually suggest that Scott Brosius has a shot at the Hall of Fame:

"It is his clutch hitting in the postseason, as well as his solid and, often times, spectacular defensive play, which may give members of the Baseball Writers' Association of America enough impetus to consider him for Hall of Fame induction in 2007."

Just for fun, I looked up Brosius's stats at baseball-reference.com.

Brosius's Hall of Fame monitor is 19 on a scale where a likely HOF'er is greater than 100.

Most Similar Players are Ed Sprague, Bill Melton, and Mike Pagliarulo.

But the best part is the postseason stats. In 196 postseason at-bats, Mr. Clutch hit .245.


"Considering that since his retirement, the Yankees have reached the World Series only once, losing in six games to the Florida Marlins in 2003, it would seem logical that a strong case could be made for Brosius to fill one of the seats in the Hall of Fame."

Wow.

What a desecration of the word "logical."


Can you imagine? I mean, can you seriously imagine?

Think for a moment about all the mediocre players who'd suddenly have a Cooperstown case if Scott Brosius made it in.

Using Girandola's (ahem) "logic," I think every single player on the 2000 Yankees would have to make the Hall of Fame. If Scott Brosius makes the Hall of Fame, Jose Vizcaino can't be far behind.

The worstest baseball column.

"Santa Claus probably never got a wish list from uberagent Scott Boras. Otherwise, he would have gone out of business a long time ago."

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.


"Boras suckered Rangers owner Tom Hicks into giving Alex Rodriguez $252 million for 10 years, the richest -- not to mention dumbest -- contract in pro sports."

Oh, please.

I could probably think of 100 worse pro sports contracts off the top of my head.

Steve Francis, Allan Houston, Juan Gonzalez, Darren Dreifort, Eli Manning, Adam Archuleta, Ed Belfour, and ARod's teammates Carl Pavano, Randy Johnson, Jason Giambi, Rick Helling, and Chan Ho Park.

What about Chan Ho Park? Certainly, Chan Ho Park's deal was worse than ARod's:

"Then he talked Hicks into an even worse deal, $65 million over five years, for Chan Ho Park."

So, Alex Rodriguez's deal was the dumbest, but Chan Ho Park's deal was worse.


I think we need to review the meaning of the suffix "-est."


You've got three degrees of comparison:

You start with the absolute: "dumb."

Followed by the comparative: "dumber."

After that, the superlative, and there can only be one superlative: "dumbest."


This exercise may help:

Dumb.

Dumber.

Dumbest.

Is Scott Miller an avatar?

A cyborg?

A simulacrum?

A fictional creation of a viral marketing campaign?


On December 24, 2006, "Scott Miller" comes out strongly against Mark McGwire's Hall of Fame credentials:

"McGwire and his fellow Bash (The Integrity of the Game) Brothers have dishonored the sport by dragging it into the worst scandal since the 1919 Black Sox.

They have twisted some of the game's most treasured numbers into an indecipherable maze of voodoo statistics largely devoid of meaning and context.

They have turned on the game's most important natural resource -- Little Leaguers, high schoolers and college players -- to a whole medicine's chest worth of dangerous unnatural resources that can be harmful or, at worse, fatal."


Then, on December 27, 2006, he writes this:

"Know whose box I'd also love to check on my ballot?

The late Ken Caminiti's, as a show of respect toward the one player out of hundreds who had the guts to publicly discuss the game's raging steroids problem.

That it took so long for a player -- any player -- to publicly identify the insidious cancer that was growing inside major league clubhouses is just one glimpse into the union's steely code of silence.

By speaking out shortly before his death -- admitting his own steroid use and discussing the high percentage of others who were using -- Caminiti performed a far greater service to the game and to the future health of his fellow players than anybody had to that point, including commissioner Bud Selig and union chief Don Fehr."

Wow.

I guess Ken Caminiti really cared about the children while he was Bashing (The Integrity of the Game) and winning an MVP with his voodoo statistics and leading his voodoo team to the voodoo World Series.


As for the union's steely code of silence, which players can really claim innocence?

Cal Ripken didn't know what was going on?

Tony Gwynn kept silent while his teammate's head swelled to the size of a Geo Tracker? Tony Gwynn didn't thereby indirectly risk the lives of all the nation's Little Leaguers?


No, I don't think it's a teammate's job to rat out a steroid user. I also don't think it's the Federal Government's job to waste resources hunting down steroid users in baseball, especially while a new NFL player tests positive every other day.

But if steroid use is really ruining our society from the inside-out -- if you really think this is a serious problem -- if this is something more serious than protecting Roger Maris's precious record -- then there's a heckuva lot of blame to go around.

If you're looking for saints on your Hall of Fame ballot, you're not going to find any.

Kaboom!

Steroid Test Results Made Public!

Barry Bonds, 99 others, under suspicion!


I know that post made no sense to anybody else.

It's just that when I read about the reaction to today's court ruling, I instantly thought of the 1984 parody newspaper, the Post New York Post:



Even the local sports talking head said that Barry Bonds obviously tested positive.

Though we don't even know if Bonds was in this batch of testing. Or if he was cleaned out by the time he was tested.

We do have a pretty good idea, however, that 100 players tested positive.

I can guarantee that 99 of them were not Barry Bonds.

Bengie Molina tips the scales.

"The American League has been bashing the National League around for quite some time. The junior circuit hasn't lost an All-Star Game since 1996, went 154-98 in interleague play last season and has won seven of the last 11 World Series.

But the NL has been putting up a better fight of late."

I don't think the World Series or All Star Games are worthwhile indicators, but I think it's clear the AL is currently stronger than the NL.


So, what has occurred this offseason to strengthen the NL and weaken the AL?:

"Heading the list is outfielder Alfonso Soriano, the $136 million man who stayed in the NL when he left the Washington Nationals for the Chicago Cubs."

Soriano was already in the NL.

Soriano was already in the NL when the AL went 154-98 in interleague play and whatnot.


"Right-hander Jason Schmidt, who left the San Francisco Giants for the Los Angeles Dodgers, heads a list of players who stayed in the NL."

Oh, I see the difference. Heading the list is Alfonso Soriano, but Jason Schmidt heads the list.

Whoever heads this particular list, the point is that this list consists of players who were already in the NL.

Only players who switched leagues are relevant to this discussion.

So, what'cha got?:

"Jumping leagues were free agent catcher Bengie Molina (Giants), infielder Mark DeRosa (Cubs) and pitchers Adam Eaton (Philadelphia Phillies) and Ted Lilly (Cubs). The NL talent pool also increased when pitcher Freddy Garcia was traded to the Phillies."

Bengie Molina, Mark DeRosa, Adam Eaton, Ted Lilly, and Freddy Garcia?

That's all you've got?

That's the NL stripping the AL of its talent?

Ummm, no.

The Case for Randy Johnson.

Ken Davidoff:

"There's no disputing that Johnson's 2006 was lousy, especially given his $16-million salary. Yet he still managed to throw 205 innings and win 17 games with a herniated disc in his back.

...

What Johnson shares with Pavano in clubhouse charm (zero), he more than trumps in reliability. He takes the ball every fifth day. Expect motivation to erase last year's embarrassments, as well as build toward both 300 career victories and another contract."

Innings matter.

Randy Johnson is old and his health is a question mark. But Randy Johnson's health issues are minor compared to Mussina's shoulder, Pettitte's elbow, and Pavano's vagina.

What's left for the back end of the Yankee 2007 rotation? A Japanese pitcher, minor-leaguer Phil Hughes, and Jeff Karstens.

I have as much faith in those guys as I had in Shawn Chacon and ... who's the other guy? ... the guy with the big chin who went 10-0? ... oh, yeah ... Aaron Small.

Remember 10-0 Aaron Small?


Tim Marchman:

"The unpleasant fact about Johnson is he may well be the Yankees' best starting pitcher. Take that 5.00 ERA, for instance. It was bad, but Johnson's underlying performance was good. His component ERA — a number derived from the hits, strikeouts, and so on, he allowed — was 3.81 in 2006, 13th-best in the American League. In fact, the disparity between the two numbers was the highest in the league. Component ERA, for a variety of reasons, is a better predictor of future success than actual ERA, and statistically, Johnson looks like an excellent bet to post an ERA of around 3.75 this coming season — a better bet, actually, than any other Yankee starter."

I'd take a good ERA over a good Component ERA, but it should be intuitively obvious that Johnson is set up for a better 2007 than 2006.

Since when is surgery a bad thing? Surgery is a good thing. That's why you have the surgery.

Homeruns make people crazy cuckoo.

"Guy embezzles thousands of dollars from his company. Upstanding member of the community. Donates to charity. Hero to little kids. His life is one long ticker-tape parade of attaboys, promotions and company parties. Few have any idea of what the guy's done, and those who do don't want to believe it."

Why would he embezzle money just to donate it to charity?

Are we talking about Robin Hood?


"Eight years later, his secret life is no longer so secret. Evidence has piled up that he broke the law. Maybe there were multiple co-conspirators driving the getaway car, but the DNA trail leads to our hero.

Because so many years have elapsed, we're just supposed to look the other way and let him slide?"

No.


"I don't think so. Wouldn't happen elsewhere, and it's not happening with Mark McGwire on my Hall of Fame ballot."

What evidence does Scott Miller have that Mark McGwire broke the law?

What evidence has piled up?

I want to know what evidence exists besides innuendo and supposition. Poor showing at a bogus Congressional hearing (didn't Congress have anything better to do?).

Because the hypothetical embezzler sure isn't going to jail based on innuendo and suppositon.


"Don't tell me about the hypocrisy of glamorizing Mac and Sammy eight years ago and then tearing it all down now. We know a lot more now than we did eight years ago. That isn't hypocrisy, despite what simpleton columnists and talk-show screamers say. It's called due diligence. It's called continuing education. Few had even heard of BALCO in 1998, and you can be damned sure that nobody was handing out subpoenas back then."

It's hypocritical because you are only angry at prolific HR hitters in baseball. You are not angry at all cheaters equally. You don't care about football players and you don't even care about pitchers. In fact, you don't even care about Randy Velarde, just because he didn't hit enough HRs.


"Don't tell me that anabolic steroids weren't against baseball's rules in '98, so the players all have Get Out Of Jail Free cards from that period. Anabolic steroids were -- and are -- against the federal law. It's not clearly spelled out in baseball's rulebook that the cleanup hitter can't strangle the batboy to death in the dugout, either."

Your first analogy is embezzlement and your second analogy is murder.

Oh, and amphetamines are also illegal according to federal law and used in abundance everyday in MLB.

Shrug.


"McGwire and his fellow Bash (The Integrity of the Game) Brothers have dishonored the sport by dragging it into the worst scandal since the 1919 Black Sox.

They have twisted some of the game's most treasured numbers into an indecipherable maze of voodoo statistics largely devoid of meaning and context."

I think the HR stats of the 1990s are easily decipherable and meaningful. Subtract about 20%. That wasn't really so difficult.

But even if they were truly indecipherable, they can not be devoid of context. How can baseball statistics ever be devoid of context? The context is 1990s in America with lots of players using steroids.

The entire purpose of Miller's article is to present these numbers in the context of steroid abuse, comparing these steroid abusers to players of previous decades. That's what "context" is.

Other contextual factors include small stadiums, small strike zone, better training techniques, bigger salaries, and watered-down pitching.

But I am still wondering why Miller's anger is directed solely at prolific HR hitters.

Hundreds of major league ballplayers have taken steroids.

Miller has narrowed the problem down to approximately six: Bonds, McGwire, Sosa, Palmeiro, Canseco, and Giambi. These six players will be eliminated from HOF consideration and that's the big moral stand.

Ivan Rodriguez will make the Hall of Fame.

Mike Piazza will make the Hall of Fame.

Rickey Henderson will make the Hall of Fame.

Roger Clemens will make the Hall of Fame.

Even Gary Sheffiled will make the Hall of Fame.

I have as much suspicion -- and as little proof -- about all of them as I do about Mark McGwire.


"And those who bring Hall of Famer and noted spitballer Gaylord Perry into the equation right about now? That's a completely disingenuous comparison, misdemeanor vs. felony. Last time we checked, Vaseline wasn't an illegal substance."

In baseball, Vaseline is an illegal substance.

In any case, Miller is the guy who just brought up the character/moral clause thingy.

I don't know what kind of moral relativism would allow misdemeanors but disallow felonies. Sounds like a hypocritical morality if there ever was one.

So, what's McGwire's real crime? The real crime is hitting homeruns. Either that or making the writers look like fools in '98.


"Ken Lay and Jeffrey Skilling were the toasts of the town once, too. Enron was a model company and everyone was making gobs of money.

Then the closet door opened and the skeletons tumbled out.

Do you think Lay and Skilling should have walked when their crimes were revealed simply because those crimes had occurred several years earlier?"

Holey Moley. I'm not really sure Enron was ever a "model company." I am pretty sure the whole thing was a house of cards the whole time.

But what is Miller's problem? Embezzlement, murder, and now Enron?

Miller must be really, really, really upset about guys who took steroids.

In one article, Mark McGwire has been compared to an embezzler, a murderer, and the perpetrators of the greatest white collar crime in US history.

I guess you can have too much pitching after all.

"Through his version of events, Newsday's Anthony Rieber fuels speculation about the possibility of having Roger Clemens take RJ's spot in the rotation. It's not a very rational idea; Clemens won't return until after the season starts."

The Yankees are going to replace an old, overpaid pitcher with an old, overpaid pitcher.

At least Unit has thrown 430 innings over the past two seasons.

I agree that it's simply not rational to expect Clemens to be able to replace Johnson.


"More likely, the willingness to trade Randy Johnson means the Yanks are confident that either Carl Pavano, Phil Hughes, or Jeff Karstens will emerge as the fifth starter in spring training. Frankly, we're confident about that possibility too, so to get a prospect -- really, any prospect -- back for a decrepit Randy Johnson would be quite a deal."

This is a person who just said it's irrational to presume that Roger Clemens could effectively replace Randy Johnson in the Yankees rotation.

Then, in the very next sentence, this person proclaims that he is confident that Carl Pavano or Phil Hughes or Jeff Karstens could replace Randy Johnson in the starting rotation.


I wouldn't be surprised if the Yankees have a master plan.

Jon Heyman even says a Zito signing is in the works.

Maybe the Yankees just want to free up some cash for a future signing or maybe they just want to free up some cash for golf junkets and some Derek Jeter fatheads.

But please don't use the words "rational" and "Carl Pavano" and "starter" in the same sentence. When you use the words "Carl Pavano" and "starter" in the same sentence, and then categorize this as a "rational" thought, Descartes spins in his grave.

Subtraction By Subtraction.

"Intrepid Ed Price of the Star-Ledger is reporting the Yankees are talking to the Diamondbacks about sending Randy Johnson back to Arizona.

What a Christmas present that would be for the Yankees, who are on the hook for $16 million for their 43-year-old No. 4 starter."

I'm amused by the fact that Abraham has just moved Pettitte ahead of Johnson on the depth chart. Based on not a damn thing besides the fact that Abraham thinks Pettitte is a nicer guy.

Pettitte is younger than Johnson and that's why Pettitte may be slightly more valuable in the long run.

Pettitte, however, has not outpitched Johnson over the past two seasons.

For the 2006 Yankee depth chart, it's a toss up.


"The Unit is 34-19 and has pitched 430.2 innings in his two seasons with the Yankees. His ERA isn't pretty (4.37) but he has largely done what they expected. It's not a stretch to think he could win 17 or 18 in the National League even coming off the surgery."

Exactly.

So how are the Yankees going to easily replace him?

Why is this a Christmas present?


Maybe Dave-n-Aziz at the nj.com Yankees blog can explain:

"It would rid the Yanks of the question mark of whether or not Johnson could really be counted on anymore."

Yes, and replace it with an even bigger question mark: Ummm, who's pitching?


"We wouldn't have those silly stories about Johnson's mood swings."

No more silly stories on the sports pages.

Check.

It's addition by subtraction.

Ummm, but who's pitching?

There's a game today vs. the Cleveland Indians and, though the NY newspapers are devoid of silly stories about Randy Johnson's mood swings, the Indians are starting C.C. Sabathia and the umpires won't start the game until the Yankees put a pitcher on the mound.

It's in the rules and stuff.


"We'd be rid of caring about whether or not he can handle the NY media."

First of all, speak for yourself. I never cared about whether or not Randy Johnson can handle the NY media and their silly little stories about his mood swings.

Johnson has been a bust, but a minor bust. He has been a major bust in two playoff starts, but a minor bust in the regular season.

Secondly, I'm sure Dave-n-Aziz would suddenly care about whether or not Johnson's replacement, the mysterious Player X, could handle the NY media.

Since the NY media is completely infatuated with the notion of whether or not a player can handle the NY media.


"This would be a great deal, no matter whom the Yanks would get in return."

Especially if No Matter Whom is a pitcher.

So the Yankees' battery is not constantly Posada and TBA.

Cal Ripken Did Not Save Baseball.

If the McGwire/Sosa HR race of 1998 saved baseball, but Cal Ripken had already saved baseball in 1995, I wonder what killed baseball in between?

I say it was Charlie Hayes.

The Black Sox scandal killed baseball in 1919, Babe Ruth saved baseball in 1920, free agency killed it again in 1973, Mark Fidrych saved it again in 1975, the work stoppage killed it again in 1994, Cal Ripken saved it again in 1995, Charlie Hayes killed it in 1996, and then McGwire/Sosa saved it again in 1998.

"On the night of Sept. 6, 1995, Cal Ripken Jr. saved baseball.

The game was flickering when the Baltimore Orioles shortstop broke Lou Gehrig's record of 2,130 consecutive games played."

Do you know why baseball would have survived?

Because baseball is the perfect game. It has something for everyone. It's the game for the proletariat. It sates the vox populi.


"Ripken will easily be elected to the Hall of Fame when voting by the Baseball Writers' Association of America is announced Jan. 9. He and the San Diego Padres' Tony Gwynn are first-ballot shoo-ins.

But if ever a candidate deserves to be a unanimous choice, it's Ripken, something that's never happened in 63 elections held by the baseball writers. (On nine occasions, no election was held).

Tom Seaver came the closest in 1992 when he received 98.84%, missing by five votes of the 430 cast. Nolan Ryan received 491 of 497 (98.79%) in 1999, and in 1936's first election, Ty Cobb got 222 of 226 (98.23%).
...

Why then, shouldn't he be a unanimous choice?"

He should be a unanimous choice.

Why shouldn't Tony Gwynn be a unanimous choice, for that matter?

Is there a sportswriter on the face of the Earth who doesn't think Tony Gwynn belongs in the Hall of Fame?

Why weren't Ty Cobb and Babe Ruth and Willie Mays and Cy Young unanimous choices?


The sportswriters have developed their own dopey protocols as it pertains to HOF voting.

There's the first ballot thing, the silly votes for Jim Deshaies, and there will probably be a holdout who won't vote for Ripken simply because nobody ever gets 100% of the vote.

But, since Bodley posed the question, I'll answer it.

Ripken should not be a unanimous choice because this may present the impression that he's the greatest player ever.

A shorstop/third baseman who hit .276 is not the greatest player ever.

Just say "steroids."

Ask some people for the time and they will give you the history of clocks.

Jeff Passan has been saving up some good stuff, just waiting for somebody to ask him what he thinks about the current state of baseball:

"The game is right. The game will always be right. The game is why baseball now thrives, why it has persevered, why it caught on in the first place. The game is malleable enough -- fast or slow, intense or laid-back, a pitching duel or slugfest -- to sate the vox populi. The game speaks. The game cries. The game invites. The game, simply, is perfect.

Baseball is a dream that can be fulfilled, or at least seems that way, and that gives it a proletariat edge that no other sport can claim. Basketball discriminates by height, football by girth or speed, hockey by coordination or number of teeth missing. Fat or skinny, fast or slow, tall or short, baseball is accessible -- full of choices, indeed, from the game itself to the players to the ways in which one can enjoy it."

I think you had your Pulitzer, until the whole "sate the vox populi" thing.

First of all, vox populi should be in italics. Small matter, but the Committee is keen on details.

More importantly, that's not a proper use of vox populi.

Using the literal translation -- "voice of the people" -- this doesn't make sense.

Baseball sates the voice of the people? Why doesn't baseball just sate the people? "Baseball sates the populi." Or perhaps baseball sates the appetites of the people?

More commonly, vox populi is translated as "public sentiment" or "public opinion." Which means pretty much the same thing and makes just as little sense in Passan's usage.

I know what Passan is trying to say. Baseball sates the general public, the unwashed masses, the doting Johnny Lunchpails.

In other words, "People Like Baseball."

That was easy and written entirely in English, without any Latin.

2-year, $32 million.

Y'all are a few years late realizing that Andy Pettitte is a hypocrite, y'hear?:

"The Astros made one offer here and compared it to the one over there. That's not just smart baseball, it's smart business.

Fans are smart, too, and should realize this was about good, old American greed, nothing more and nothing less.

Pettitte has every right to cash in, sure. Good for him. He had his reasons for wanting to stay, but in the end Pettitte was no different than, say, Terrell Owens.

There were 32 million reasons home is where he'll hang his Yankees cap."

How can Ken Rosenthal and others claim the Pettitte contract is worth $32 million when the rest of the world is reporting 1 year, $16 million?

Because the second year is a player option. It's not guaranteed money. Theoretically, Pettitte could turn down the money and go back on the market.

But, since it's a player option, there's no reason Pettitte won't make at least that much money in 2008.

As a safety net for the Yankees , Pettitte (ahem) has promised (heh heh) that he wouldn't enforce the option (wink wink) if he was not healthy enough (nudge nudge) to pitch in 2008.

Of course, Trustworthy is as Trustworthy does:

"I don't know about you. But if I'm a pitcher who's had elbow trouble two of the past three years and was offered $12 million to pitch, while still getting to tuck my kids into bed, hanging with my lifelong friends and attending my home church, then slap away.

The only slap in the face was by Pettitte. He is a good man. Church-going. Sings in the choir. Brings his best.

But in this case he was at his worst. The advice Pettitte has followed contradicts everything he ever said was most important in his life. It also cast a shadow on all the good feelings he brought his hometown.

'My heart started pulling me, tugging me to come back down here.'

— Andy Pettitte, December 2003, about Houston

Sometimes the best spin is none at all. All Pettitte needed to do was be honest.

Tell us it was about the money. Tell us, yeah, it's going to be tough leaving the wife and kids again for maybe eight months, but $32 million is $32 million. We'd understand.

'My family is the most important thing to me. I think everybody realizes that now. I'm sure everyone thought I'd just go after the money. It wasn't about the money. I could have gotten a lot more money other places.'

— Andy Pettitte, December 2003

Everyone should realize something else now. Team Andy again is talking about it not being about the money, even saying again that Pettitte could have gone elsewhere for considerably more than the two-year, $32 million paid by the Yanks. They've turned the tables. They've blamed McLane. Don't buy it."

Contracts According to Felz.

I learned something new today. The reported figures of baseball contracts only refer to guaranteed money. Though performance bonuses and options abound, these are not included in the reported figures.

I can find no mention of a third-year option in the ESPN article that I linked to, but it wouldn't be the first time ESPN was wrong.

According to this particular article, the first Yankee offer to Pettitte was 3/$30 mill, including a buyout for the 4th year. The final Yankee offer only guaranteed $26 million to Pettitte. The 3rd year, which would have brought the total to $39 million, was performance-based, and there was no mention of 2007.

Was the Yankee offer passive or aggressive? That's an opinion. Compared to a final Astro offer of 3/$31.5 mill, I think the Yankee offer was plenty aggressive, especially since Pettitte wouldn't allow the Yankee doctors to examine his elbow.

but did the Yankees guarantee more money than the Astros? Apparently not.

I still believe that the Yankee offer was more than fair and arguably better than the Astro offer. I still believe that Pettitte would have stayed with the Yankees if he had wanted to. I still believe that it's very misleading to claim that the Yankees "let Pettitte go" without making an offer. I still believe the general perception is wrong.

Okay, so now that that's cleared up, maybe somebody could explain what an "option" is.

It feels weird briefly agreeing with Mike Lupica.

"Andy Pettitte had all those reasons for leaving the Yankees, or so he said three years ago. Maybe he meant some of the things he said when he left. It was about living in Houston full time, that was a big one. It was about family. Okay. You never fault somebody for that. Now it's not just Pettitte, it's his DAD saying in the Times how happy his grandchildren are, because the kids can stay in the Houston schools they're in even.

They couldn't have done that before?

If Pettitte is such a born Yankee, as Yankee as pinstripes and payroll, then what about all the things he told Astros fans?

What was he just saying because it sounded good at the time, what did he really mean?"

Of course he was saying it just because it sounded good at the time. If you think that kind of garbage sounded good at the time.

I think any grown man who refuses $7.5 mill because the boss didn't call him on the cell phone is pathetic.

I think any grown man who thinks a $39 mill offer is insulting is a sissy.

I never fell for Pettitte's pro-family, pro-Christian line of junk in the first place.


"You know why Derek Jeter is my Sportsman of the Year in New York sports this year? It's not just because of the wonderful season he had. It's because he's not part of the constant chatter. It's because he doesn't talk just to talk, say what he thinks people want him to hear, about A-Rod or anybody else. Some of his own teammates call him a phony. There are plenty of those in this town. Jeter isn't one."

Well, it's nice to know I disagree with Lupica once again.

Jeter has made an art of saying "what he thinks people want him to hear" [sic]. (What people want to hear? What people want him to say?)

But you know why Derek Jeter is the Sportsman of the Year in New York sports? It's 100% because of the wonderful season he had on the field. It's not because of any off-field behavior, even if he had discovered a cure for the common cold.

As long as Pettitte can pitch, he can say any b.s. he wants to the press. It doesn't even bother me too much that he's a liar and a hypocrite. I could not care less. As long as he wins baseball games.

I care even less what his father says to the press.

I care even less than that what grades his kids get on their report cards.

A robot programmed to play baseball.

I told you that would be awesome.

The forgotten $39 million.

People believe what they want to believe.

Or, more likely, some people just want to use their newspaper column to deliberately mislead their readers:

"A little more than three years ago, the Yankees decided they had no further use for Andy Pettitte."

The Yankees offered Pettitte $39 million.

The Yankees offered Pettitte more than the Astros offered Pettitte.

One may conclude that it seems that Pettitte decided he had no further use for the Yankees.


"They granted him his free agency and then sat back, not even bothering to make an offer, as Pettitte signed a three-year, $31-million deal with the Houston Astros."

No, Wallace Matthews. That's not the truth.

The Yankees bothered making an offer to Pettitte.

The Yankees bothered with a $39 million offer.

Pettitte turned it down so he could pitch in Houston along with his "special friend" and also so he could pitch for an owner with Christian values. Also, so he could be close to his family.

Not sure how Pettitte could possibly agree to come back and pitch for a secular owner who won't even call him on his cell phone to say "hi." Because that's supposedly why Pettitte left the Yankees in the first place.

I also don't think Steinbrenner became a saint in the interim three years.

I also don't think Pettitte's family has moved to the Bronx.


"The succession of frauds the Yankees brought in to fill the void - Kevin Brown, Javier Vazquez, Carl Pavano, Jaret Wright, Esteban Loaiza and of course, Randy Johnson - fizzled in the regular season and bombed out in October.

Those names are the biggest reasons why the Yankees have not been in a World Series since 2003, have not won it since 2000, haven't gotten past the first round of the playoffs for two years running."

Yes, all of the above-mentioned players have bombed out for the Yankees, to varying degrees. They certainly weren't a suitable replacement for Clemens ... I mean, for Pettitte.

But "since 2000" is an itsy bitsy bit misleading.

None of the above-mentioned pitchers were even on the Yankees in 2001. Or 2002. Or 2003.

In 2001, Kevin Brown was in LA, Carl Pavano was in Montreal, Jaret Wright was in Cleveland, Esteban Loaiza was in Toronto, and Randy Johnson was the pitcher who beat the Yankees in Game Six and Game Seven of the World Series.

Andy Pettitte was the Yankee pitcher who went to Arizona with a 3-2 Series lead and allowed 6 earned runs in 2 innings.


I mean, seriously, think about what Matthews just said: "Esteban Loaiza is one of the biggest reasons that the Yankees haven't won the World Series for the past six years."

Esteban Loaiza, who pitched in 10 whole regular season games for the Yankees, is one of the biggest reasons the Yankees haven't won the World Series for the past six years.

Esteban Loaiza pitched pretty well in the playoffs for the Yankees, actually.

Loaiza pitched 8 1/3 playoff innings for the Yankees and allowed 1 earned run.

The fraud with the 1.08 postseason ERA is the reason the Yankees haven't won a World Series since 2000.


"But they know they were wrong on this one. He may have won some of the biggest postseason games in their recent history - only Orlando Hernandez had a better record in October - but "they" (read: George M. Steinbrenner III) didn't think three more years of Pettitte was worth $31 million."

Give me a minute to get my calculator.

Sure enough, 39 is more than 31.

Using the transitive property, I can prove that George M. Steinbrenner III actually thought Pettitte was worth more than 3 years and $31 million.

Though George M. Steinbrenner III did not think Pettitte was worth 4 years and $52 million.


"Still, he remains one of the 10 best pitchers in baseball and the Yankees' best hope of regaining, even for a year, the spark that has left them over the past couple of years."

Andy Pettitte is not one of the 10 best pitchers in baseball.

If Andy Pettitte was one of the top ten pitchers in baseball, then I could not create the following list, which I call, "Ten Baseball Pitchers Who Are Better Than Andy Pettitte":

1. Johan Santana.
2. Mariano Rivera.
3. Chien-Ming Wang.
4. Curt Schilling.
5. Roy Halladay.
6. Jeremy Bonderman.
7. Barry Zito.
8. Scott Kazmir.
9. Justin Verlander.
10. Francisco Liriano.
    

That was easy. I didn't even have to look up the stats. That was just off the top of my head. Heck, I didn't even get out of the American League.


I don't think Wallace Matthews is this stupid or this forgetful. Matthews has to know that Pettitte is not one of the top ten pitchers in baseball and Matthews couldn't have possibly forgotten that the Yankees offered Pettitte $39 million.

Matthews does this on purpose.

For some unknown reason, it's important for Wallace Matthews praise Andy Pettitte and criticize George M. Steinbrenner III.

I know one American League executive whose team is going to lose.

It's that time of year again.

Time to feign outrage about the cold weather, the commercialization of Christmas, and the "skyrocketing" salaries for major league baseball players:

"Baseball's most valuable players this season raked in a combined $740,000 in salary, which is approximately what the Chicago Cubs plan to pay Alfonso Soriano every time he sneezes the next eight years."

In 2002, Alfonso Soriano was third in AL MVP voting while only earning $630,000. Then he became a free agent. Now, he's the poster boy for $100 million club.

This is how free agency works. This is how free agency has worked for 35 years. Stop acting all surprised.


"If there seems an incongruity with Justin Morneau making $385,000 and Ryan Howard getting $355,000 while Jamie Walker signs for $4 million a year because he happens to throw his 50 or so innings with his left hand, there is."

It's called free agency.


"It's such a deal, in fact, that the under-control player – preferably one with less than three years of service time, though fourth- and fifth-year arbitration-eligible players qualify, too – no longer is simply a luxury. With free-agent salaries filling with helium leading up to this year's Winter Meetings and showing no signs of abating, a quality zero-to-five player is now the most desired commodity in the game."

Well, duh.

But then they become free agents and, if you want to keep them on your team, you have to pay them $20 million per year.


"Forget the $20 million-a-year guy and forget prospects," one American League executive said. "Now it's guys who have established themselves who you can control for four or five years."

Justin Morneau and Ryan Howard are prospects and $20 million-a-year guys. It just depends of when.

First, they're prospects. Then, they're "under control." Then, they're $20 million-a-year guys.

If you forget the $20 million-a-year guys, then you're soon saying goodbye to Morneau and Howard.


"Flexibility comes with cheap contracts, and even though the minimum salary was raised 16 percent in the new collective-bargaining agreement, it's still $380,000, pennies compared to the long-term deals free agents are snagging."

Without prospects or expensive veterans, you can have a whole team of minimum wage rookies and mediocre talent.

Yes, your team will also have quite a bit of flexibility.

Some days you will lose by a lot and some days you will lose by a little.

Some days you will lose because of mediocre hitting and some days you will lose because of mediocre pitching and some days you will lose because of mediocre fielding.

I know exactly where Clemens fits.

"Can the Yankees, with question marks in their rotation, wait until the end of December for Pettitte's decision to hurl or retire? And where does Clemens fit into the equation?"

Clemens is the husband and Pettitte is the wife.

Phil Pepe's Last Article.

ARod took on Jeter and lost.

Big Papi took on Jeter and lost.

Two rules in New York City: (1) Don't take visitors to the Statue of Liberty and (2) Don't take on Derek Jeter:

"I believe fervently in the literal definition of the term 'Most Valuable.' The award was designed to go not to the year's outstanding player, but rather to the one most instrumental in the success of his team ..."

Which is why this article is about Joe Mauer?

Which is why not a single everyday player on the 95-win Tigers received a single MVP vote?

Which is why Ryan Howard won the NL MVP and his team didn't even make the playoffs?


"On June 7, the Twins were 25-33, 11 ½ games behind the Tigers in the AL Central and Morneau was batting .236 with 11 home runs and 38 runs batted in."

Is it really necessary to point out that baseball games count in April, May, and June?

Is it really necessary to point out that Pepe is trying to support Morneau's MVP case while pointing out that Morneau was hitting .236 on June 7?

Is it really necessary to write six consecutive sentences that are rhetorical questions?


"From June 8 to the end of the season, Morneau batted .362 with 23 homers and 92 RBIs, and the Twins went 71-33, passed the Tigers and won the division championship. That, to me, is the definition of a Most Valuable Player. How much clearer can it be?"

With no basis for comparison, it's very unclear.

Maybe the Twins passed the Tigers because the Twins had a pitcher who lost zero games at home the entire season.


"To say that Jeter deserves extra consideration as MVP because he plays a critical position on defense is a valid point. Jeter not only is the Yankees' shortstop, but an exceptional one, the winner of a Gold Glove this year."

Ha ha ha.

Phew.

Pepe gets to keep his job after all.

4-0.

"Assuming he is truly the guy he has presented himself to be over the past 11 seasons, Jeter would rather be a world champion than an MVP any day of the week and any season of his career."

Every pro athlete would rather win a championship than an MVP award.


"Jeter's detractors use a lot of insults to describe him: cold, condescending, aloof, bloodless, a robot programmed to play baseball."

Is there really some big army of Jeter detractors that the rest of the world is unaware of?

I don't think I've ever heard anybody describe Jeter as cold, condescending, aloof, bloodless, or a robot programmed to play baseball. Only I describe Jeter as cold, condescending, aloof, bloodless, and a robot programmed to play baseball.


By the way, I wish! That would be awesome! A robot programmed to play baseball!

I can imagine Bob Sheppard's voice echoing over the Yankee Stadium speakers: "Batting fifth (fifth) ... number ninety-nine (nine) ... shortstop (stop) ... furby ... number ninety-nine (nine)."


I personally believe Jeter is a phony. But I could google "Jeter" and "phony" and felzball would probably come up 500 times out of 501 hits.

(Amazingly, I just tried this and felzball came up as the top two sites.)

I am apparently the only person on Earth who has ever written "Jeter" and "phony" in the same sentence.

I googled Jeter + condescending and got nothing.

Jeter + aloof got articles that described ARod as aloof.

Jeter + cold returned phrases such as "Jeter's cold determination" and "Jeter's cold spell" and one about Jeter's "cold shoulder" toward Ken Huckaby, the guy who accidentally injured Jeter on Opening Day 2003. Also, one about Jeter on the television show, Cold Pizza.

Jeter + bloodless (yuck!) got nothing.

So, out of 100 million sites on the Interweb, felzball is the only website that qualifies as a Jeter detractor.


Jeter's MVP consolation speech was one of the phoniest things you will ever hear. Perfectly safe and precisely what the fans want to hear. Which is fine. No need to be radically honest.

But please, Wallace Matthews, at least admit this guy is a big phony.


" 'Phony' is not one of them."

Oh, well.


"If he were, he would have publicly embraced A-Rod by now, just to shut everybody up."

Ahem.

Fact 1: Jeter says he'll do anything to win.

Fact 2: Publicly embracing a troubled teammate may help the Yankees win.

Fact 3: Jeter does not like ARod.

Observation: Jeter will not publicly embrace ARod because Jeter does not like ARod.

Conclusion: When Jeter says he will do anything to win, he is being a phony.


"But Jeter doesn't exist to placate teammates or the media, or to accumulate statistics and accolades. By all available evidence, he exists to win baseball games, not awards."

But only on his own terms.

Hasn't Matthews realized that placating teammates can sometimes help win baseball games? It sure couldn't hurt.


"When Alex Rodriguez won the MVP last year as a member of a Yankees team that bombed out in the first round of the playoffs, he said this of his runner-up, David Ortiz: 'I'd certainly trade his World Series championship for this MVP trophy'

Since the sincerity of A-Rod's words is always open to question, you can take that for what it's worth. And you know that if Alex Rodriguez dies without a World Series ring but with his two MVPs, he will die smiling.

...

To Jeter, winning the MVP in a season that ended as badly as 2006 did for the Yankees would be like hitting a solo home run at the end of a 10-run loss. Maybe A-Rod could be satisfied with that, but not Jeter." "

Me Wallace. Me no like ARod.


You know what I think? I think ARod has hunger and drive and resourcefulness. ARod is still out there taking fielding practice rather than getting fat and lazy with his $252 million contract (in case you hadn't heard, ARod signed a $252 million contract).

A player can not accomplish what ARod has accomplished without hunger and drive and resourcefulness.

I also think that nobody in baseball wants a ring more than ARod. Nobody gets crucified more than ARod for failing in the postseason. ARod would give back twenty MVPs for one Championship ring. He doesn't want to go down in history as baseball's version of Dan Marino.

ARod tanked in the playoffs the past two years. Hate the results. Don't hate the effort.


You know what else I think? As I dare to bring up the unspeakable evil that lurks in the heart of men?

I think that Jeter & Torre dislike ARod so much that they'd rather keep the ring count at 4-0 than allow it to become 5-1.

I can't prove it. It's just a hunch. But it may explain why Jeter smirks while ARod gets booed and it may explain why Torre goes out of his way to embarrass ARod in the playoffs.