The man has his finger on the pulse of the New York sports scene.

Mike Lupica on Sunday, March 16, 2008:

"This isn't to suggest that somehow the spring training silliness of the past few weeks is some sign that the Yankees are now officially mad as hell and aren't going to take it anymore, or that Yankee pitchers are maybe going to move David Ortiz off the plate."


March 17, 2008:

"The very next inning, Andy Pettitte threw inside to David Ortiz, before striking him out for the second time in the game. And my guess is that very soon in The Rivalry, Ortiz will get plunked by a Yankee pitcher for the first time ever.

...

Make no mistake - Pettitte’s pitch yesterday was intentional. And Girardi had a lot to do with it."

I hope Torre's sensibilities are not insulted.

Yes sir!

"Andy Pettitte's pitch sailed up and in past David Ortiz's armpit, stumbling the big Boston slugger and drawing boos from visiting members of Red Sox Nation."

This is so wonderful. Best believe that Joe Girardi will not refer to David Ortiz as "Big Papi."

When Baseball Was Pure.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ten_Cent_Beer_Night

"Jeff Burroughs violently reacted to a fan stealing his glove and cap, the Texas players, led by manager Billy Martin, charged onto the field with bats. A huge number of intoxicated fans, some armed with knives, chains, and portions of stadium seats that they had torn apart, surged onto the field; others hurled bottles from the stands. Realizing the Rangers might be in danger of their lives, Ken Aspromonte, the Indians' manager, ordered his players to grab bats and help the Rangers."


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disco_Demolition_Night

"White Sox TV announcers Harry Caray and Jimmy Piersall commented freely on the 'strange people' wandering aimlessly in the stands. Mike Veeck recalled that the pregame air was heavy with the scent of marijuana. When the crate on the field was filled with records, staff stopped collecting them from spectators who soon realized that long-playing (LP) records were shaped like Frisbees. They began to throw their records from the stands during the game, and the records often struck other fans. The fans also threw beer and even firecrackers from the stands.

After the first game, Dahl, dressed in army fatigues and helmet, along with a female sidekick named Lorelei and bodyguards, went out to center field. The large box containing the collected records was rigged with a bomb. When it exploded, the bomb tore a hole in the outfield grass surface and thousands of fans immediately rushed the field. Some lit fires and started small-scale riots. The batting cage was pulled down and wrecked, and the bases literally stolen, along with chunks of the field itself. The crowd, once on the field, mostly wandered around aimlessly, though a number of participants burned banners, sat on the grass or ran from security and police. People sitting in the upper deck could feel it sway back and forth from the rioters."

The Billy Crystal at-bat is a shame that will burden the Yankees all season long. Hic. Pardon me, I'm Jerry Green and I'm drunk.

"You cannot love baseball without treasuring the visions of Babe Ruth, of Lou Gehrig, of Joe DiMaggio, of Mickey Mantle.

All of them ghosts of other eras, when baseball was proud and not yet impure."

I'm going to ignore the racial undercurrent of that statement. I doubt if that's what Jerry Green intended.

Still, I got news for you, Pops: Baseball was always impure.

"My ancient visions of the Yankees are of class:

"Derek Jeter getting booed at Comerica Park by his home-state fans just because he plays for the Yankees with the traditional dignity. And Jeter refusing to complain about the jeering.

Johnny Damon, standing on the steps of the visitors dugout at Comerica, and applauding the pennant-bound Tigers after they dumped the favored Yankees in the 2006 playoffs.

Gehrig, trying to keep playing as he was dying with the disease would carry his name, when I was a kid at Yankee Stadium.

DiMaggio, with his grace and flawless, fluid moves in center field.

And Mantle, grinning and friendly, pounding prodigious shots into the upper deck." (While hungover.)

Do you know what "ancient" means? Because Jeter is currently on the Yankees and the Damon story is only two years old. Even in the compressed time period of professional Major League Baseball or the compressed time period of Jerry Green's life, two years is not "ancient."

"Once upon a time, baseball had an entrepreneur named Bill Veeck. He wrote an autobiography called 'Veeck As In Wreck.' Veeck owned the St. Louis Browns, the whipping boys of the American League. In 1951, Veeck signed a dwarf and sent him to bat in a regular-season Sunday game against the Tigers. Eddie Gaedel, 3-feet-7 and 65 pounds, popped out of a cake, wearing the Brownies uniform No. 1/8."

I truly think if I could go back in time and pick any baseball game to attend, that would be the game.

Hilarious.

"It was circus showmanship at Veeck's best. Worst?"

It was writing at its worst. Best?

"Bob Cain was the Tigers pitcher. Bob Swift was the catcher. There are famous pictures of Swift on his knees to catch Cain's pitches.

Gaedel, walked on four pitches, as a pinch hitter. He was too small for Cain to throw strikes. Cain supposedly was laughing as he threw the four high pitches. Commissioner Kenesaw Mountain Landis was not so amused. He ordered Gaedel's name be stricken from the all-time major league records. The one at-bat was later reinstated instated into major league baseball's precocious official statistics.

The event was a travesty of baseball."

1) Can official statistics be "precocious"? What is the context for "precocious" in this story? Major league baseball's official statistics act mature for their age? Do you mean "precious"?

2) That was awesome when Gaedel batted.

3) That was a regular season game.

4) You just said baseball used to be pure, then you bring up a "travesty" from fifty-seven years ago.

5) Lighten up.


"And shame is a burden the Yankees will carry all season long. Some place -- wherever? -- the Babe must be crying."

So now you imply that "pure" Babe Ruth is in Hell.

You really think Babe Ruth is crying because the Yankees gave a Spring Training at-bat to an entertainer? Do you know anything about Babe Ruth?

It showed.

" 'Baseball wasn’t fun the last three years,' [Torre] said. 'The game was fun. The players were fun. But everything connected to it wasn’t fun. I was curious if it could be fun again.'

...

But the tedium of all that swirls around the Yankees had begun to wear him down, somewhere beneath the sad eyes. At times last season, Mattingly felt obligated to give Torre a poke, a reading of his emotional and physical temperature."

I know the job of professional baseball manager is torturous and tedious. Especially for the maanger of the New York Yankees. With the highest salary, by far, of any professional baseball manager.

"More than once, he said, he asked himself, 'Am I doing the right thing?'

He didn’t get a legitimate answer until the days before he left for Vero Beach, when his body began to feel right again, when the notion of another baseball season put him again on the balls of his feet."

Last season, it made headlines -- literally -- when Torre got off the bench and stood on the top step of the dugout.

During a game.

It was like he was actually paying attention to the actual game.

Yankee Manager Criticizes Other Manager.

I don't even care about the details of the argument. I don't think Girardi is right. But I just like the fact that he didn't refer to the manager of the Rays as "Joey" or offer to give him a reacharound.

When Derek Jeter was taken out by Ken Huckaby, Torre did nothing about it.

When Manny Ramirez showed up Scott Proctor, Torre did nothing about it.

When David Ortiz hit fifty homeruns off Yankee pitchers, Torre referred to Ortiz as "Big Papi" and never dusted him once.

Jeter and ARod lead the league in getting hit by pitches and it's not "classy" to complain about it.

It's not "classy" to complain about Joba Chamberlain enduring Exodus:8 on a pitcher's mound in Cleveland during a playoff game.

Here's Girardi, during a Spring Training game, defending a minor league catcher who won't even make the team.

Bud Selig is a trip.

The Steroid Era is over, in case you were wondering:

"Bud Selig has no plans to read any of Barry Bonds' grand jury testimony that was ordered released by a judge just over a week ago.

'No, I don't think so,' Selig said Saturday. 'I think all the lawyers around me will but I don't think there's any reason for me at this time.' "

I read Bonds's grand jury testimony.

I'm not particularly intrigued, but it's convenient enough to download it from the Interweb and give it a quick once-over. Took less than ten minutes.

I think Bonds is lying, sure. His tactic is plausible deniability, but it just doesn't sound too plausible that he didn't notice what "flaxseed oil" was doing to his body.

Having said that, I'm not sure he will be found guilty of perjury, because it seems difficult to prove.

Not much of an analysis right there, but now you know more about the situation than the Commissioner of Major League Baseball.

I got through exactly one sentence.

"He’s coming up on 34 years old, the shoulders still taut, the fade still working, the eyes still burning jade."

Another writer has a man crush on Derek Jeter.

Don't shoot the messenger.

"I always have confidence in myself. But it's tough when you do lose the confidence from your manager to maybe prepare yourself, day in and day out when you have no clue about anything," said Farnsworth, who allowed 108 runners to reach base via hit or walk in 60 innings last season and was 2-1 with a swollen 4.80 ERA in 64 games. "It happened a few times last year."

Eh.

Farnsworth is overpaid and disappointing, but his career ERA is 4.37 and most of that time was in the NL.

Of course Farnsworth's performance is not primarily Torre's fault, and nobody can take Farnsworth seriously. But the only reason we don't take him seriously is because he's a below-average pitcher. Torre is still the worst bullpen manager in the major leagues.


"Definitely, all across the board, communication with the manager, everything," Farnsworth said when asked if the atmosphere has improved under Girardi. "What they said last year about I couldn't go back-to-back days, which was news to me, when it was brought to me. I said, 'What are you guys talking about?' Communication is key for everything."

I'll bet that's exactly what happened. Farnsworth may be a dolt and a bad MLB pitcher. But his criticisms of Torre are probably right on.


"I don't think he has had the type of year he can have," Girardi said. "I think he will benefit from the third year in New York."

Not if Farnsworth keeps blaming others for his failures, he won't.

If Farnsworth pitches well, then he won't have failures, and then he won't need to blame anybody.

If Farnsworth doesn't pitch well, then it doesn't really matter who he blames.

According to Professor George A. King III, PhD, the key to pitching in the major leagues is the development of an internal locus of control.

Wow.

What is an "unusually passive" Joe Torre?

Is that like an "unusually wet" Pacific Ocean?:

"Mike Mussina seemed to be speaking for the entire team when he said, 'We loved Joe, but we all knew things had to be different. Especially the guys who've been here a while and haven't won, we were very disappointed at the way things had been going.'

...

Torre himself seemed unusually passive, staying in the dugout when Joba Chamberlain was being swarmed by midges in the decisive Game 2 of the Division Series at Jacobs Field. Torre repeated this week in Vero Beach, Fla., what he'd said in October, that he should've asked the umpires to stop play. Instead, Torre said, 'I didn't act on it, and I regret that.'

...

Girardi has done it by mingling with players, which Torre did less and less in his later years, choosing to leave the policing to Jeter. Damon says, 'Joe [Girardi] walks in here and he asks for your opinion, he asks how you're feeling, he gives you the feeling that what you think matters.' "

They all knew they needed a change.

Torre's departure was best for both parties.

Yet, anybody who suggested such a thing got shouted down.

Mr. Girardi.

It's so endearing when Joe Torre talks like a 10-year-old:

"I reminded Joe that good or bad, he's going to be questioned," Torre says. "But his intelligence and common sense will circumvent those issues. Joey brings a lot to the table. This kid understands. He's certainly aware of what he's getting into."

"Circumvent" is a mighty big word for somebody who refers to a grown man as "kid" and "Joey."


"He's a lot smarter than I am. He went to Northwestern, for gosh sakes."

You meant it as a disarming joke, but we all know it's true. Joe Girardi can probably name most of the players on the opposing team.


"He told of a fan approaching in the spring training of 2002 and saying, 'We'll do better this year,' after the Yankees had come within an out of beating the Arizona Diamondbacks in the '01 World Series."

They came within two outs. That's why the infield was in; there was only one out.

Probably the columnist's mistake.

But I wouldn't bet my life that Torre knows how many outs there were. It was a long time ago. That kid Gonzo hit that bloop hit. That other kid, what's-his-name, pitched a good game for the Braves that day. I mean, the Diamondbacks.

Wittingly.

Unnamed Yankee inside [sic] badmouths Torre and Guidry from afar:

"The Yankees unwittingly took advantage of the honor system last year; everyone seemed too comfortable, especially after failing to win the World Series for the seventh straight time. Even Torre's supporters in the organization admit Joe's stewardship had become too casual, evidenced by his naming Ron Guidry as pitching coach. 'It was obvious all [Torre] was doing was taking care of a buddy,' said one Yankee inside. 'Finally, we have someone here [Dave Eiland] who knows what he's doing.' "

I just can't understand why everybody is suddenly noticing that Torre's stewardship had become too casual.

They could have just asked me.

Nobody ever said it to his face.

I think Buddy Groom and Bubba Crosby criticized Torre while Torre was Yankees manager. I think they were the only ones:

"Bruney also admitted to a level of fear in playing for Joe Torre, who was constantly criticized in recent years for overusing certain relievers.

'With Torre - and I'm not trying to bad-mouth anybody - sometimes you would go out there and try to be so good because you were scared of doing bad,' Bruney said. 'You can't pitch like that. (Joe) Girardi understands that you make mistakes - and I'm going to make them.' "

In classic Torre-Talk, Bruney says he's not trying to bad-mouth anybody while he's bad-mouthing somebody. If you really didn't want to bad-mouth somebody, then you didn't have to say anything.

Though Torre's deficiencies were evident just from watching the games on TV, all this newfound criticism is cowardly. Nobody said it to his face and nobody said it when it could have made a difference.

Allen Barra doesn't spend enough time in the dugout.

What's with this guy?

He probably never even met Andy Pettitte.

If you looked into Pettitte's eyes and shook Pettitte's hand (a firm, all-American handshake, no doubt), then you would know that Pettitte is not a cheater.

He just isn't:

"Why hasn't Andy Pettitte heard from MLB, and why hasn't there been talk of a suspension? In his deposition to the House Committee on Oversight and Reform, Pettitte admitted that his father injected him with HGH in 2004. (And surely the most bizarre single piece of evidence to emerge during the entire hearing process is that Pettitte's dad stuck a needle in his son's ass.) In admitting this, Pettitte was in effect also admitting that he had lied to the Mitchell Commission—and thus to Major League Baseball—about the extent of his drug use.

Moreover, Pettitte was admitting to a crime. Though HGH wasn't banned from baseball under the Basic Agreement existing at the time—it wouldn't be added to the list of prohibited substances until 2005—it was and remains illegal unless prescribed for one of three rare diseases. Pettitte has clarified that he used HGH without a prescription. This means that he has admitted to the illegal use of HGH not once but twice, in 2002 and 2004. So where are MLB, the FDA, and the FBI?

...

Or as ESPN's astute legal analyst Roger Cossack put it, in a summation largely ignored by the New York media (and, for that matter, by Cossack's colleagues at ESPN): 'If you take out Andy Pettitte, is there any reason here you would believe McNamee any more than you would believe Clemens? McNamee has been shown to be a guy who lies for convenience. He lied when he first started talking to the Mitchell Commission . . . . Clemens has his own problems . . . . Obviously, his biggest problem is Andy Pettitte.'

When the Mitchell Report revealed that McNamee said he injected Pettitte with HGH in 2002, Pettitte was reviled as a cheat and a liar. In a short time, he was transformed into a sympathetic figure (despite withholding information on further HGH use) for one reason: He was the tool that could be used to get Roger Clemens."

I agree, except I don't think Pettitte was ever reviled as a cheat and a liar.

Lost forever.

Giambi says the same thing every pre-season:

"On Tuesday, Giambi focused on hitting to the opposite field during batting practice, lining balls to left and left-center with ease. With fresh legs for the first time since last April, Giambi is hoping to recapture some of the magic that prompted the Yankees to sign him after the '01 season.

'It will keep my swing a lot better if I work on hitting the ball the other way instead of hooking it to right field.' "

Do you know how many homeruns Alex Rodriguez hit in the major leagues before he ever met Larry Bowa?

"[ARod's] MENTAL TOUGHNESS COULD SUFFER WITH BOWA AND BORZELLO GONE"

Mike Borzello, Yankee bullpen catcher.

He's the reason ARod won an MVP last year.

I thought it was because ARod hit after Bob Abreu and Abreu took so many pitches.

But it was really the bullpen catcher.


By the way, did Bowa and Borzello declare that on their income taxes?

Unnamed baseball scout never heard of Chien-Ming Wang.

Or Andy Pettitte, for that matter:

"First of all, what pitching staff was out there? Each team has a different staff. Derek doesn't really have a sinkerball pitching staff whereas other shortstops, you sit behind certain pitchers, you're going to get a lot of ground balls."

You're not going to win any games with small ball.

If you ever stumble across the YES Network's Yankee Classics broadcast of the 1996 home opener, please take note of the ridiculous batting order.

Joe Torre had freakin' Joe Girardi batting second.

Torre trying to spread the word that this was going to be an NL-style small ball team.

How dumb.

Why don't you fast-forward eight years and bat Bernie Williams fourth in a playoff game and try a hit-and-run in the first inning with Johan Santana on the mound?

Now, I think I'm going to like Girardi as a manager. I liked him as a broadcaster and he was the guy I wanted for the job. I also like most of what he is saying so far -- what's not to like?

Then:

"He mentioned working hard in camp and doing the little things right, in case the Yankees need to win some games with 'small ball.' "

Damn.

Damn, damn, DAMN.

Sometimes parodies are more truthful than the truth.

"YES broadcaster and sports talk-radio host Michael Kay will be doing the play-by-play. The media refused to let him join their team again, as in previous years, he has openly rooted for the opposing Yankees, and according to Caple, he 'throws like a girl.' "

He made me do it.

I don't know if I can post about this topic anymore.

When Pettitte's name first came up, I said that he did it for the team and it was Clemens's fault.

But I was only kidding.

Like, "Can you seriously imagine if he said he did it for the team and if people actually tried to blame Roger Clemens?":

" 'It's a horrible situation to be put in,' [Pettitte] said. 'I don't think anybody in their right mind would want to be put in that situation.'

But Pettitte is, and to a large extent, it's Clemens' fault. There would have been no congressional hearings last week on the Mitchell Report if Clemens hadn't beaten his chest and bellowed his claims of innocence to Mike Wallace. Pettitte would never have had to tell anybody that his father was an HGH user and his supplier. Clemens has already dragged Pettitte through the muck with him. And since Roger cares only about Roger, there's no reason to believe he'll feel bad about doing it some more."

I'm quite willing to acknowledge that Clemens is lying and that he's a selfish twit. There's one story where Clemens and McNamee called 911 when they found some guy having a heart attack. Saved the guy's life. Clemens complained about the fact that his training session was interrupted. It sounds like an accurate portrayal of a real knucklehead. Not a nice guy.

But what does that have to do with Pettitte?

I mean, Pettitte can't be judged as his own man against a standard set of ethical guidelines?

He can only be judged vs. a scumbag like Clemens?

Congratulations.

You're somewhat less despicable than Roger Clemens. Step up to the stage and get your blue ribbon.

He did exactly the right thing.

I think this is supposed to be a compliment:

"He's a role model for every player that used illegal performance-enhancing drugs."


I just achieved the impossible!:

"Andy is a man of such decency and humility that it's impossible not to admire the things he has attempted to stand for. He admitted his mistakes and asked for forgiveness. What else can he do?"

You didn't expect him to show up on the Mitchell Report. Because he's a decent guy. But he showed up on the Mitchell Report.

Then, he said he took HGH on one occasion and you believed him. Because he's a decent guy. But he was lying.

Then, he said he took HGH on two occasions and you believe him again. Because he's a decent guy.

The fans I get.

"They were great, they were cheering for me, yelling for me,” Pettitte said. “Those are my New York fans and I’m glad of the response they gave me. It was wonderful.”

If Pettitte played for Boston, then Yankee fans would boo him. Giants fans support Bonds and boo McGwire and so on and so forth.


It's the writers I don't get.

Check out this post by Dan Graziano (confusingly, with Ed Price's picture and name):

"Look. I like Andy Pettitte. Writing negative stuff about Andy Pettitte has been one of the most difficult things I've yet had to do as a columnist."

Seriously?

You're basically admitting that you're an unreliable journalist.

Come to think of it, I suppose Graziano deserves credit at least for admitting it.

How about fielding practice? When's the last time the Yankees took pregame fielding practice?

" 'It's different,' Jorge Posada said. 'Joe Torre was probably the best there was. For me, he was a father figure and we're going to miss him dearly. He was a great man. But ...'

'I wanted Joe [Torre] to be here,' Mariano Rivera said. 'I played for him for 12 years and I'll miss his friendship and logic and wisdom about the game. But ...'

... It was time to move on. That's the party line, and Posada and Rivera were eager to repeat it yesterday.

'Girardi's a hands-on guy,' Posada said. 'He's going to be a little more critical, and it's gonna be a little tougher for us than it had been in the past. He's very energetic. So I think we're going to have a lot of energy coming from the manager.'

The implication was the living had gotten easy under Torre."

What does the Bible say about the $16 mill?

Funny how folks get all repentant after they get caught:

"I didn't do it to try to get an edge on anyone," Pettitte insisted. "I didn't do it to try to get stronger, or faster or throw harder. I didn't it because I was told it might be able to help me."

Help you in what way? Help you understand the complicated tax codes? Help you beat Tom Morello in Guitar Hero III? Help you get healthy enough to squeeze another $16 mill out of your career?

Also, if you're so sure you weren't a cheater, then why did you hide it for such a long time?

Personally, I don't really give a darn. I forgive all of 'em, contrite or not. I forgive Pete Rose. Just put him in the Hall of Fame so I don't have to listen to him talk anymore.

I'm just disgusted by the pushovers in the New York press who can't admit they were wrong about Good Guy Petitte the whole time.

Gaylord Perry cheated and wrote a book about it.

"The words are clearly expressed in the Hall of Fame's guidelines: 'Voting shall be based upon the player's record, playing ability, integrity, sportsmanship, character, and contributions to the team(s) on which the player played.'

That's it. One sentence. That's what the members of the Baseball Writers Association of America entrusted with the responsibility of voting for the Hall of Fame are told to consider.

Big problem for Roger Clemens. Integrity. Sportsmanship. Character. These words do not mix well with the one Clemens will be called the rest of his life: cheater."

All true, but I think it's safe to say that the guidelines are vague and open for interpretation. I also think it's safe to say that the Hall of Fame is filled with unsavory characters.

What about cheating on your wife?

Is that a worse character flaw than taking steroids?


Read this sentence from the the introductory paragraph of Cap Anson's wikipedia page:

"His contemporary influence and prestige are regarded by historians as playing a major role in establishing the racial segregation in professional baseball that persisted until the late 1940s."

More:

"Anson was well known to be a racist and refused to play in exhibition games versus dark-skinned players. This attitude was not considered to be unusual in his day, and Anson remained very popular in Chicago while playing for the White Stockings. On August 10, 1883 Anson refused to play an exhibition game against the Toledo Blue Stockings because their catcher, Moses Fleetwood Walker, was African American. When Blue Stockings Manager Charlie Morton told Anson the White Stockings would forfeit the gate receipts if they refused to play, Anson backed down. On July 14, 1887 the Chicago White Stockings played an exhibition game against the Newark Little Giants. African American George Stovey was listed in the Newark News as the Little Giants' scheduled starting pitcher. Anson objected, and Stovey did not pitch. Moreover, International League owners had voted 6-to-4 to exclude African-American players from future contracts. In September 1888, Chicago was at Syracuse for an exhibition game, Anson refused to start the game when he saw Walker’s name on the scorecard as catcher. Again, Anson pressured his opponents to find a Caucasian replacement."

I suppose it must be okay because the attitude was not considered to be unusual in his day.

Maybe kind of like human growth hormone in Roger Clemens's day.

I happen to think Roger Clemens is a walking, talking S.O.B. of the highest order and still a better role model for the Youth of America than Cap Anson.


I'd also prefer the Youth of America take performance-enhancing substances than drink their liver into oblivion.


Surely, the voters would demand solid proof, no?:

"To say there is no absolute proof that Clemens used steroids is a distraction to reality. Short of Clemens admitting he used - which doesn't seem likely to happen any time soon - and actual video evidence of him injecting, it's never going to arrive.

What we know is that his steroid provider and injector, Brian McNamee, said Clemens used, that McNamee's statements that he provided other players with steroids have been verified, and that a man everyone regards as honest, Andy Pettitte, has said Clemens told him he used Human Growth Hormone."

Lame.

"So don't put Clemens in the Hall of Fame because there is a lack of proof that he used. There isn't."

Jumpin' Jesus on a Pogo Stick, what the heck is that paragraph attempting to say? I've re-read it a dozen times and I can not figure it out.

First of all, I can't vote for Roger Clemens and neither can about 99.99% of your reading audience. But, rather than tackle today's sudoku, let me instead exercise my brain by trying to figure out the logical carousel:

Should I put Clemens in the Hall of Fame?

"No."

Why should I not put Clemens in the Hall of Fame?

"Because there is a lack of proof that he used steroids."

So I should put him in the Hall of Fame? Because there is a lack of proof that he used steroids.

"There isn't."

Oh, there isn't a lack of proof that he used steroids.

"Do not put Clemens in the Hall of Fame because there is not a lack of proof that he used steroids."

Wow! I think that's, like, a triple-negative. But I finally figured it out. He's not talking about a lack of proof. He's talking about a lack of a lack of proof.

How about re-wording thusly and thereby saving Felz about 10 minutes of his life?:

"Do not put Clemens in the Hall of Fame because there is substantial proof that he used steroids."

Maybe some crystal meth will cheer him up.

Golly, I sure hope Andy Pettitte can pull through:

"But it may be more than just a few uncomfortable questions. Who to be more critical than the masses? Not long ago, offensive signage, chants of 'Ster-oids, ster-oids' and needles thrown onto the playing field were just a few of the obstacles Barry Bonds faced when steroid accusations surrounded the former Giants slugger. Mussina witnessed another teammate's similar struggle and shook his head when reminded of opposing fans' taunts."

Pettitte will get a five-minute standing ovation the first time he appears at Yankee Steadium in 2008.

The fans at opponent ballparks won't be too negative, either.

Haven't you noticed the way he pulls his brim down low and glares at the batter?

Andy Pettitte is one of us. He's like your best man at your wedding. He's like your brother.

He didn't cheat like Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds. They're like murderers and rapists. He cheated like when you played beer pong in college.

What was the headline when Giambi's testimony was revealed?

I think it was something like ... ummm ... "Disgrace to the Pinstripes."

Probably slightly more clever than that.

I absolutely remember the outrage. A lot of foolish people said that the Yankees should just release Giambi and eat the remaining salary.

I haven't seen one columnist claim that Pettitte is a disgrace to the Yankee uniform. I haven't heard of one fan who's going to boycott Pettitte at Spring Training or trade in their season's tickets.

Oh, and Elijah Cummings shouldn't even worry about Roger Clemens. Go watch one episode of "The Wire," Mr. esteemed representative from Baltimore. Your city is falling apart, Sir.

Congressional Medal of Honor.

Confirmed cheater and liar whose own father gave him illegal performance-enhancing substances.

On the other hand, he wrote a book about God and often tells everybody how religious he is.

So, what's not to believe?

I'm not saying Roger reminds me of Samuel L. ...

... but "misremember" is a proper word and everybody knows what it means and everybody is putting it in quotation marks and making fun of Roger Clemens's English skills.

Told ya so.

My country.

ESPN Sports Nation poll:

What's the worst thing an athlete can do?

2% Cockfighting
16% Dogfighting
31% Performance-enhancing drugs
51% Not hustling

Maybe we should get Congress involved next time Matsui jogs out a 4-6-3 dp.

That play was Tyreefic!

I am probably the first person in the entire Universe to come up with that.

I thought of a few more:

-- If David Wright makes a good play, say he has "the Wright stuff."
-- "Pay-rod." Get it? (Because Alex Rodriguez is "paid" a lot.)
-- If Hideki Irabu makes a bad play, say "Ira-boo."
-- If Kosuke Fukudome makes a bad play, you're on your own.

Justin Tuck is sort of like Robert Kennedy. Only way more important.

After about one hundred articles where Lupica rips Giuliani for Giuliani's ghoulish and self-aggrandizing exploitation of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, Lupica can not possibly draw comparisons between the Super Bowl and the 9/11 terrorist attacks.

It's not even in the realm of thoughts that can enter his head, because it's so impossible to conceive of such an impossible thought, that he'd have to reach a singularity.

Yet:

"The last time there were crowds like this on the streets of lower Manhattan, they had been heading north on the worst day the city has ever had."

On the day the Daily News hired Mike Lupica, why were crowds in lower Manhattan heading north?

Lupica has the heart of a champion.

I challenge anybody to read Lupica's article about Tynes in its entirety. A placekicker's brother is in jail, or something. Why am I supposed to care? Maybe it's a metaphor for something.

Point being, Mike Lupica is currently in Arizona preparing to write an article for tomorrow's Super Bowl. Please read that article. Digest it. Ponder it. Wallow in its mediocrity.

I can tell you right now what this article will say. I can write it from home in five minutes for free.

"It's the City that Never Sleeps. I'll take Manhattan, the Bronx, and Staten Island, too. The Big Apple, the Capital of the World.

If the Giants win this afternoon on a sun-scorched field near Phoenix, they will secure a legendary spot amongst New York stories. Not just New York sports stories, but New York stories.

How appropriate that the game is in Phoenix. Like the mythical bird itself, Eli & Co. will have risen from the ashes.

Except this is no myth.

This is now.

And this is New York.

This is not just Namath's prediction and Jeter;s flip: Eli (Peyton's Brother) Manning will take his honorific place beside Lumet and Breslin; the Power Broker and the Little Flower; King Kong and Son of Sam.

Bill Parcells once said to me, 'There are no moral victories.'

Perhaps not, but sometimes the Moral are Victorious.

Today, root for the Good Guys. C'mon, Eli: Win one for the Nice Guys.

Win one for all of us.

Win one for New York City.

You know what they say, Eli. If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere."

Throw in at least one boxing metaphor and at least one tenuous link to the Presidential race and you've got your big-deal Lupica Super Bowl article.

Really worth the plane ticket, huh?

Lisa Olson couldn't have done the same thing at a cut rate?

This ain't exactly Newton and Liebniz racing to discover calculus, a'ight?

As your eyes glaze over tomorrow morning, please remind yourself that the article you are reading was so important to the Daily News, that they evidently lost one of their writers because of it.

No mention of the 1-3 playoff record.

With or without Santana, the Mets ought to be favored to win the NL East. They've been favored to win the NL East for a while now. How many $100 million contracts are on their payroll?

I don't know if Klapisch himself is responsible for the link, but the link says, "Mets have sealed ticket to postseason." While it's admirable to some extent to express your opinions forcefully, the first reason the Mets might miss the postseason is injuries. Start there with possible reasons the Mets might miss the playoffs.

As for Santana, just how good does Klapisch think he's going to be?:

"Given that he'll be pitching in a fly ball stadium with the gifted Carlos Beltran in center, Santana could well finish the season with an ERA in the low to mid-2's. Obviously, he'll more than compensate for Tom Glavine's departure."

Low to mid-2's?

I think Santana is an obviously great pitcher and an obviously great pickup for the Mets. One of the favorites to win the NL Cy Young.

But an ERA in the low to mid-2's?

I'll believe it when I see it.


Let's talk now about the Yankees! It's a rule. When you talk about the Mets, you always have to talk about the Yankees:

"'I'm disappointed, I'm still kind of disappointed,' Hank Steinbrenner said.'I could've gotten [Santana], but I listened to my partner [Hank] and my general manager.'"

Does Hank Steinbrenner have a partner named [Hank]?

The Mets play in the NL.

With or without Santana, the Mets are more likely to win the World Series than the Yankees. The Mets don't have to play in the same division as the Red Sox.

It's kind of like how the Colts are probably a better team than the Giants. But the Colts play in a better league and, therefore, face a tougher playoff schedule.

"No more excuses, Mets. You'd better win."

I love Mike Lupica.

The Yankees could spend $250,000 on a backup catcher and Lupica would chastise them for trying to "buy" a World Series.

In 2007, the Mets had the highest payroll in the NL and they couldn't even make the playoffs.

Their predictable response is to try to get better by spending more money.

They have now bought ... jeez, I can't even keep track ... Pedro, Beltran, Santana, Delgado, the lefty closer guy ...

What a bunch of soulless mercenaries, right?

Does Lupica avoid similar criticism and endlessly praise the lovable Mets?

You bet!:

"Did they overpay for Santana? You bet. So does everybody when the player they want and the player they need and the one they think can put them over the top is sitting right there, practically begging to come to their team."

Santana, by the way, is now the highest-paid pitcher in baseball history.

Santana, by the way, is a choker with zero Championship rings.

Thugs.

This may help explain why the Union fights back when MLB asks for urine tests:

"MLB asked umpires to sign authorizations allowing the sport to conduct financial backgrounds checks, but umps balked.

'We did not anticipate that they would approach neighbors posing as a close colleague and friend of the umpire's and asking them questions such as: Do you know if umpire "X" is a member of the Ku Klux Klan? Does he grow marijuana plants? Does he beat his wife? Have you seen the police at his home? Does he throw wild parties?'"

There ought to be an Umpire "X." Wears a mask to hide his identity. Cuts off a manager's body part if the manager argues with him too much. "The Abominable Umpire X."

"'To try to link our umpires to the Ku Klux Klan is highly offensive. It is essentially defaming the umpires in their communities by conducting a very strange and poorly executed investigation. It resembles kind of secret police in some kind of despotic nation.'"

Also, the Union is legally obligated to fight back.

Roethlisberger won a Super Bowl and Rivers didn't have Tomlinson.

"We thought he was the best of the three then (Rivers, Manning and Ben Roethlisberger) and we think he's the best of three now," Accorsi wrote. "People who dwell on statistics in football, just cling to them because they can't evaluate QBs. The job is QB, not passer. Unitas and Namath didn't have good QB ratings. They threw a lot of interceptions because they took risks and had to carry their teams."

Exactly.

Which is why Roethlisberger and Rivers are better.


While I suppose I understand Accorsi's need to strike back, shouldn't he reign it in a little bit?

"What difference does it make what we gave up?" Accorsi continued. "You better be right about the QB, but if you are, you can't overpay for a great QB and we think he's going to be a great QB. What would you give up for Elway? What would you give for Montana or Unitas? Just like you can't overpay a great player. Can you overpay for Mays or DiMaggio? That's all fodder."

I'm not sure if he understands the meaning of the word "fodder," but he just compared Eli Manning to:

1. John Elway.
2. Joe Montana.
3. Johnny Unitas.
4. Willie Mays.
5. Joe DiMaggio.

So not the same as Yankees / Red Sox.

I don't detect any rivalry between the Giants and the Patriots, though I'm not the best person to ask. I honestly didn't even know the Cowboys were the Giants' big rivals. I thought it was the Eagles or the 49ers:

"New England is now the old Yankees, an immoveable juggernaut that expects dominance and demands championships. The Giants are the new Red Sox, a loose franchise of why-not dreamers that needed three road victories just to reach the Super Bowl."

The Giants are basically nothing like the '04 Red Sox. The Red Sox had not won a World Series in ... how many years was it? ... I think it was 86 years, if I remember correctly.

I may not be sure because I only heard about it 100 billion times.


Oh, and the Giants absolutely have something to lose. It's called a football game. It's why they keep score.

I should also point out that it's so much more than just a football game. It's a battle between New York and New England, underdogs and soul-crushing juggernauts, bagels and clam chowder, blah blah blah and blah blah blah.

Two ways of life, really. America's future is at stake. It's the difference between Immortality and Infamy:

"Which is why this isn't just a Super Bowl clash, but something bigger. Fair or not, New England's quest for perfection changes the stakes for this game. The Patriots either win and enjoy immortality or lose and suffer infamy."

I realize I care more about baseball than the other sports, but I'd give the Patriots the next ten straight Super Bowl Championships in exchange for one Yankee win vs. Baltimore in mid-July.

Football.

I can not help it. I'm bemused by the dialectical forces at work:

"The thing is, 'Do they win?' Davis always told me, 'Here's how you judge a quarterback: Can he take his team down the field with the game on the line and get them in the end zone?'"

Nice drive at the end of the first half. Yes, indeed.

But, in the fourth quarter, on 3rd and 17, the Giants called for a screen pass. On 3rd and short, they opted to run the ball. Twice.

With the game on the line, the Giants played it safe and, as far as I can recollect, he did not get his team in the end zone.

Which is fine as long as your team wins, I suppose. Relying on your defense is not a bad strategy when your quarterback is below average.


Now, do you want to hear Ernie Accorsi go completely mad after his QB throws for 170 yards in a playoff game? Then, buckle up:

"I still think he's the best of the three (quarterbacks), but that's another story."

...

"He's going to win championships for this franchise. Whether Eli becomes his brother, it doesn't matter. Winning championships is all that matters."

Maybe he just misspoke, but Accorsi (sp?) just said that Eli will win more than one championship with the Giants.

I'll believe that when I see it.

Because Tom Brady is not retiring anytime soon, as far as I know. Neither is Peyton Manning. Neither is Ben Roethlisberger or freakin' Vince Young, for that matter.

In fact, for every year that Eli plays for the Giants, the AFC will exist.


Also, if winning championships is all that matters, then why is everybody getting all gleeful about making the Final Four?

You think the Giants will beat the Patriots this year? I sure don't. If they don't, then Eli will be 0-3 in the playoffs.

Richard Nixon or Trot Nixon?

I understand the concept of representative democracy vs. direct democracy.

I also understand that Federal policies are not dictated by, of all things, a poll on CBS Sportsline.

But I also think that members of the House of Representatives should Represent their constituencies:

"Is Congress wasting time with baseball and steroids?

34% No
66% Yes

Total Votes: 5651"

Best-case scenario is what, exactly?

Let's say performance-enhancing drugs are completely eliminated from baseball forever and every single baseball player who ever used performance-enhancing drugs is identified and punished.

It was still a waste of time.

The old, white men in Congress are very concerned with protecting the legacy of Maris's 1961 homerun record. Probably have a charming story of a freckle-faced younger version of themselves sneaking a radio into their bedrooms and listening to baseball games after their parents had tucked them in. Especially Willie, Mickey, and the Duke. God Bless the Good Ol' Days. It's an outrage that cheaters and liars have stolen the records from True Americans like Roger Maris and Hank Aaron.

Let's make a collective decision apply 1/10th of this outrage towards the price of gas.

Of course.

Often times, the knee-jerk reaction is right on:

"I was wondering if Derek Jeter's numbers would be Hall of Fame worthy if his career were to end today. He's not a power hitter, doesn't steal a ton of bases and he's had only one season with more than 100 RBIs. I know he's a great leader and great hitter for average, but does he have enough to make the Hall of Fame?-- Elizabeth C., Scarsdale, N.Y.

The knee-jerk reaction is to say, 'of course,' but let's look at it."

The funny thing about Jeter is that he's one of the greatest shortstops to ever play the game and a shoo-in first-ballot HOFer. Even if he never played a playoff game and wasn't the Yankee Caption and Yankee icon.

At the same time, he's quite overrated.

It's not the intangibles that make him great; it's the tangibles that make him great.

See? Felz is a level-headed, gracious person.

In all seriousness, I think ARod would be a better quarterback than Eli.

I don't know if Lupica comes up with these headlines, and I don't have the patience to read the column carefully enough to determine the context.

But the headline actually states "athletes' lies are the worst of all."

Like, Marion Jones lying about her PEDs is worse than ... well, you fill in the blank. I'm sure you can easily find a lie in your own experiences that hurt you more than Marion Jones's bogus Olympic medals. If you can not draw upon your own experiences, then simply watch one episode of Judge Greg Mathis or read a Noam Chomsky book.

One time, a guy told me he needed money to get his brother out of jail. The guy was lying. Cost me $90. Marion Jones, Mark McGwire, and Larry Craig combined have not cost me $90.


I would also like to point out that baseball is different than football:

"Just by playing the way he did against Tampa Bay and getting the Giants out of the first round, Eli Manning has already had a better postseason than A-Rod and Jeter combined."

From this point forward, when Lupica decides to deride the playoff performance of the 2007 Yankees, I think he should focus on Chien-Ming Wang's 19.00+ playoff ERA.

In the four games of the 2007 playoffs, ARod hit .26-something with a HR, made no errors (that I can recall), had a few bad strikeouts. Nothing spectacular; sort of mediocre.

Sort of like the way Eli Manning played when he beat the Bucs and the Cowboys.

Difference is, Eli had a good team backing him up.


A "pitcher" may be somewhat analagous to an NFL team's "defense," and Eli wouldn't have gotten anywhere if his defense had given up 60 points.

Right?

Right.

But that's not a really good analogy, is it? Because it's just stupid to compare football to baseball in the first place. Or boxing to baseball. Or Presidential races to baseball. Or the second season of "Lost" to baseball.

All of these comparisons reveal nothing.


I'd also like to point out that Jeter's 2007 playoff series was downright awful.

But, just by playing the way he did and getting to the first round, he had a better postseason than Jose Reyes, David Wright, Tom Glavine, and Paul Lo Duca combined.

The gubmint do take a bite, don't she?

"I cannot wait to go into the private sector and hopefully never have to answer it again."

Major league baseball is in the private sector.

Just sayin', Mr. Clemens.

Please don't kill me.

Just say no.

In my high school, I was in an animation class. The final project was a three or four minute animated short. Mine was "Gumby vs. Rambo." My favorite was "Crack is Wack."

It was a big deal back then. Crackbabies getting AIDS; the Drug Czar; George Bush I on TV with a baggie of crack that was bought right across the street from the White House!

Who knew it was all "recreational"?:

"To me, there's a difference between recreational drugs and PEDs — Raines cheated himself and perhaps his team, but not his sport. Amphetamines fall more toward PEDs, and almost certainly were more prevalent until they were banned in 2005. What about that?"

Fine with me, but please put Pete Rose in the HOF tomorrow and don't ever bring up the morals clause ever again.

I suspect this is a common workaround.

At least brings up Raines's cocaine use. Most of the commentators have either forgotten or chosen to sweep it under the rug:

"The 10th man on my ballot (and electors may vote for only 10) is Tim Raines. Raines had drug issues, but they were recreational drug issues. Cocaine, to be exact. 'Coke' was illegal, but no one has suggested it made for better careers. It messed up Raines' head but it didn't attack the integrity of the on-field product.

Meantime, I will not vote for McGwire until/unless he is cleared."

"Recreational drugs" are okay because, well, presumably because they're "recreational." The lesson for our nation's children is that crack is sort of like hiking or camping. It's "recreational."

"No one has suggested" that cocaine made for better careers. Well, let me be the First Person Ever to suggest that cocaine could conceivably make for a better career and attack the integrity of the on-field product.

I actually don't know.

I could conceive of a situation where cocaine relieves pain and provides energy. That sort of thing.

But let's suppose that Raines took an illegal substance that hampered his baseball-playing ability. Ummm, why are we rewarding him for this? At least McGwire's illegal substance helped his team win baseball games.

Cocaine was very illegal. Still is.

Legally, ethically, medically, I think taking cocaine is worse than taking steroids.

Tim Raines is a swell guy, right?

Swell guy who slid headfirst because he was worried about breaking the vial of cocaine that was in his pocket while he was playing professional baseball.

Me, personally? I'd put them all in the Hall of Fame if their numbers add up. I'm all for redemption and second chances and such. Equal treatment for Tim Raines and for Mark McGwire.

Which was it? Four or six?

"McNamee injected Clemens in the buttocks four to six times with testosterone from a bottle labeled either Sustanon 250 or Deca-Durabolin. ... McNamee stated that during this same time period he also injected Clemens four to six times with human growth hormone..."

Four to six?

Sustanon 250 or Deca-Durabolin?

Pretty solid testimony there.

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot about the human growth hormone.

It was four or six or ten or twenty or one hundred times from a bottle labeled something.

I don't believe him.

I think Pedro took steroids because of the transformation of his head. He just looks like he took steroids. In the court of public opinion, freed from the annoying burden of proof, I can think whatever I want.

He said "taint."

"When the Yankees won their third successive World Series and fourth in five years in 2000, Torre, their manager, was hailed as an automatic entrant to the Hall of Fame. Now, however, it develops that the Yankees’ 2000 team was loaded with players who used performance-enhancing drugs before, during or after that season.
...

According to the Mitchell report, Clemens used steroids in the latter half of the 2000 season. Neagle played for the Yankees in the latter half of that season and, according to Mitchell, used human growth hormone.

Neagle won four successive starts from Aug. 27 through Sept. 12. Clemens, following Neagle in the rotation, won three of four starts. Three times they won consecutive games. Their efforts helped the Yankees increase their division lead from three games to nine."

Yeah, but everybody was using steroids. The teams that beat the Yankees had steroids users.

Every World Series Champion of the past, say, twenty years likely had players on their roster who used steroids.

Some are just more obvious than others.

Some people just want to get lots of angry responses on their message board.

When your name is Justice, your opinions carry more weight.

"Andy Pettitte did the honorable thing. He didn't do it willingly, but he did do it. Good for him."

Great for him.

No: Great for the Youth of America.

In fact, Andy Pettitte is so unbelievably honest and honorable that, if Selig decides to enact stricter drug testing, I think Andy Pettitte should oversee the entire operation.


"If Pettitte had denied using performance-enhancing substances, it would have been virtually impossible not to believe him."

Did I read this correctly? "It would have been virtually impossible not to believe him"? I think you mistakenly put a "not" in your sentence, Mr. Justice.


"Players were put in a quandary during the steroids era. They saw teammates getting bigger and performing better by cheating. Inside the industry, rumors circulated that some general managers and agents encouraged players to try performance-enhancing drugs."

I love it.

I love, love, love, love, love it.

It's more than love. I lerve it.

Can't get enough of it.

It's like that bad karaoke video that you have to watch 1,000 times.

I love it when the steroid era is referred to in the past tense.

If you really wanted to help the team, you should have taken steroids.

I was being sarcastic when I said that Pettitte would take the "team" angle:

"I had heard that human growth hormone could promote faster healing for my elbow. I felt an obligation to get back to my team as soon as possible. For this reason, and only this reason, for two days I tried human growth hormone."


I hereby nominate Pettitte to the Jay Gibbons Hall of Fame:

"Earl Ward, the attorney for Brian McNamee, the trainer who gave the Mitchell investigators the information on Pettitte and Clemens, was not shocked that Pettitte would confess to his actions.

'One of the things Brian has always said to me is that Andy is a decent and honest guy, and it is not a surprise that he has stepped up,' Ward said."

Or maybe just the Greatest Human Ever Hall of Fame:

"According to the Yankees media guide, Pettitte and his wife 'teach youth classes and sing in the choir' at the same Baptist church her father has been pastor for 40 years. Pettitte has participated in tee-ball games in the White Hose lawn, been honored as 'good guy' by the New York Sports Photographers, nominated for the Roberto Clemente Award for community service and won a Thurman Munson Award in 2006, presented by the Association for the Help of Retarded Children."

"The TV Guys."

"If a player wanted to deny (the charges made against him)," Mitchell says, "why didn't he come in and deny them to me?"

Come on, now. You're a lawyer.

If I say Mike Lupica is a computer-generated avatar, the burden of proof is on me. Lupica is not compelled to deny charges which have not been proven.

This is precisely why this report is widely criticized and widely dismissed. Without the legal power of subpoena, and the accompanying legal defense, it's just a bunch of people saying stuff.

Pettitte's defense is, "I did not do it. Your sources are liars. I didn't deny it then, but I am denying it now." That's it.

If you want the players to defend themselves, then charge them with something.


"The TV guys were saying that Mitchell was sloppy before they'd even read his report. He's sloppy, they say, his reporting is sloppy. Mostly because they don't like it. They treat George Mitchell like some fan who fell out of the stands and onto the field trying to grab a foul ball, as if he could broker peace in Northern Ireland and be undone by drug cheats in baseball. Like Mitchell was some kind of rank amateur, not getting his facts straight, not even knowing what questions to ask."

I don't think this is accurate. A lot of people think this report is a waste of time and a lot of people question his relationship with MLB ownership in general and the Red Sox specifically. But I haven't seen any personal attacks on Mitchell himself.

I found it somewhat distasteful and self-serving to continually bring up Northern Ireland during the press conference, but it's a minor complaint.

I was also ironing at the time, so my attention was divided.


More interestingly, who the heck are "the TV guys"?

As opposed to the "radio guys" or "the newspaper guys"? As opposed to the "TV gals"?

Tomorrow morning, on ESPN, won't Lupica be a "TV guy"?


If Lupica was watching commentary on television, then the commentator had a name.

Be a man, Lupica, and name the commentator with whom you have beef.

"TV guys" is a bit vague, don't you think?

F.P. Santangelo shocked me, actually ...

... I didn't know F.P Santangelo was a real-life person. I thought he was made up on the 2002 version of EA Sports baseball. The name even sounds like one of those old-time made-up names from Japanese video games. I think Mattingly was "D. Matts," or something like that:

"Without any sanctions against the juicers or any stark revelations, this was, for the most part, a waste of time. This was done to titillate and get us talking baseball in the winter. This did not and will not clean up baseball."

I pretty much agree with the entire analysis by Shaun Powell. The report was only shocking in its lack of breadth.

Merely two key informants (both linked to New York baseball teams) and very few players mentioned with any degree of certainty.

At the same time, Mitchell is claiming that steroid abuse was widespread and pervasive. Well, maybe so, but this report -- two years in the making -- certainly didn't demonstrate its pervasiveness.

We're back where we started. "Widespread" means 2%, 10%, 20%, or 50%?


I don't think this was done to get us talking about baseball in the winter. I think it was mostly a PR move. Mitchell seems like an earnest enough guy, but he also has to know that the findings will influence the Court of Public Opinion, as opposed to the Court of ... well ... the Courts of Laws and Stuff.

"US sportswriters" urge something.

I mean, look, who in their right mind is going to be pro-steroids? When Mitchell said that hundreds of thousands of teenagers are taking steroids, it's probably true that they are inspired by pro athletes.

But will the "US sportswriters" boycott the NFL for one week? For one day?


The Mitchell report listed 77 current and former players. As Tim Marchman points out, this is less that 2% of the players during the time period in question.

We know that at least 2% of current United States governors have taken steroids.

Would Schwarzenegger have achieved fame and fortune without steroids? I doubt it. Perhaps Lou Ferrigno would be the Governor of California and Schwarznegger would be applying green body makeup and making appearances at comic book stores.

California is home to five major league baseball teams and ... ummm ... a whole bunch of minor league baseball teams.

The State Government probably won't be involved in the creation or enforcement of anti-steroid steroid rules.

But can you imagine the irony if such a bill appears on Schwarzenegger's desk?

You want to inspect every package that is delivered to a baseball clubhouse?

How about every package that is delivered to the Governor's mansion?


I also have a suspicion that the $25 million (?) spent on the Mitchell report -- which accomplished very little legally or tangibly -- could have been more wisely spent on youth prevention.

If youth prevention had been the true goal.

I thought they meant Homer Bush.

About that mortgage crisis thingy:

"My hope is that this report is a part of putting the steroid era of baseball behind us," he said, surrounded by Cabinet members in the Rose Garden.

That's the point of this entire exercise. Seventy-seven players took steroids. It says so in the report. Now the steroid era is behind us.

In baseball, at least.

It's different.

Clemens and Bonds did it for their own glory. Pettitte did it because he wanted to get healthy so he could help his team.

I'm not taking delight in Pettitte's (dubiously) tarnished reputation. I became President of the Pettitte Hater's Club when he bolted for Houston and tried to blame it on Steinbrenner. But I don't give the Mitchell report much credence in the first place and it simply doesn't bother me too much if baseball players take performance-enhancing substances.

I'm just as fascinated by John Harper's reaction.

This is a beat writer who acts like he just learned there's no Santa Claus. I mean, this is downright embarrassing, pal:

"For one thing, he was a homegrown Yankee who delivered time and again in October. For another, he has that unassuming, down-home quality that always made him so easy for fans to embrace.

And for anyone covering baseball, Pettitte has always been one of the good guys, admirable for his toughness on the mound and his accountability in the clubhouse.

...

It seems clear that Pettitte wasn't on the same drug-cheat level as Clemens. Unless they can prove that their trainer, Brian McNamee, was lying for some reason, Clemens comes off as a hardcore steroid user, going all the way back to 1998, while Pettitte used human growth hormone primarily to help recover from an elbow injury during the 2002 season.

You can even make the case that Pettitte never would have taken such a route if not for his association with Clemens, who introduced him to McNamee and made Pettitte a partner in his famous workout routine after coming over to the Yankees in 1999.

...

None of this means Pettitte is any less tough or likeable. Just last spring he was telling me about that first year in Houston, when he tore a ligament in his elbow in his very first start with the Astros, and pitched in pain all the way into August, refusing suggestions by the club to shut it down months earlier.

He was giggling as he told the story, still in disbelief that he survived for four months with an 82-mph fastball. Later the same day, he came looking for me after the spring training workout, concerned that he had revealed too much in the way of details, and asking not to portray him as some kind of hero in the story for putting off surgery.

'I just couldn't let the guys down, that's all,' he said.

That's Pettitte. His teammates will tell you he's as genuinely caring as they come. Upon returning to the Yankees last season he befriended Carl Pavano, hoping to improve Pavano's outcast status in the Yankee clubhouse.

...

Actually, Pettitte has built up the type of goodwill to be forgiven by Yankee fans if he makes a contrite apology, and embraced as long as his cutter still has its bite."

What can I possibly add to that?

The ridiculousness speaks for itself.

This all really boils down to the "unassuming, down-home quality," doesn't it? That's what I suspected all along.

Pettitte's got it. Ankiel's got it. Bonds does not.

Be nice to reporters and you'll get into the Hall of Fame.

How do you pronounce his name?

Carefully.

Revisiting a theory.

Do the players prefer the AL because the DH leads to more offense, which leads to more money?

Of course, this makes no sense for pitchers.

Or maybe it's just because the AL teams have more money to spend and the players don't prefer the AL.

The games take longer in the AL and the players like quick games.

I don't know. It's just a theory.

That didn't take long.

The Baltimore Sun reports on what Jay Gibbons said:

"I am deeply sorry for the mistakes that I have made. I have no excuses and bear sole responsibility for my decisions."

I just looked up that solely to verify that Lupica / New York Daily News are stupid. This seems to verify that they transcribed Gibbons's words and simply don't know the difference between "bare" and "bear."


Happily, the search led me to this guy, who may be even stupider than Lupica.

How's this for a defense of Good Guy Jay Gibbons?:

"In the meantime, he did what most of us would have done. He waited, he sweated it out and he stepped up when the news broke. Honestly, how many of you would have held a news conference and fessed up a year or two ago?"

Wow. That is what I call "stepping up."

Speaking for myself, I am a better person just by sitting here, surfing the Net, watching Monday Night Football, and eating mushy raisin bran.

It's not much of a Monday night, granted.

But maybe Roch Kobatko ought to praise my clean livin' instead of Gibbons's post-capture contrition.

Because what I "would have done" is not cheated in the first place.

Oy.

Some people are offended by the size of Alex Rodriguez's contract.

The Yankees just signed LaTroy Hawkins to a one-year, $3.75 million contract.

In his career, Latroy Hawkins has compied is 56-76 record with a 4.68 ERA, 1,211 hits, 359 walks, and 132 homeruns in 1,072 innings.

You can't be a little pregnant.

World's Greatest Human Caught Cheating:

"In the same week that Barry Bonds stood in a courtroom and issued not-guilty pleas to felony charges that are primarily about him being a stone liar on the subject of steroids and performance-enhancing drugs, Jay Gibbons of the Orioles did something rather amazing in baseball:

He told the truth.

'I am deeply sorry for the mistakes I have made,' Gibbons said. 'I have no excuses and bare [sic] sole responsibility for my decisions.' "

It's "bear" sole responsibility, not "bare" sole responsibility, you pathetic, stupid so-called professional "writers" and "editors."

This is New York, for crying out loud. A newspaper for New York City. This is not the Sunshine Street Elementary School newsletter.

Before acting like the arbiter the nation's morality, start with the basics: Pick up a pocket copy of Strunk and White.

In all seriousness, proper use of the English language just makes you seem smart, even if you're not. Your argument will naturally karry more wait. If you don't believe me, axe Curt Schilling.


I've said it before and I'll say it again. In Lupica's mind, Gibbons is seemingly less guilty than Bonds because:

1) Gibbons is not a good baseball player.

2) Gibbons is contrite.

3) Gibbons is white.

If I was Barry Bonds, I'd have no reason to think otherwise.

Everybody's got an opinion.

First headline on the Star-Ledger's Yankees page.

The next headline on the Star-Ledger's Yankees page.

Season over.

Ignoring the fact that Johan Santana has exactly zero Championship rings:

"The Red Sox remain the American League's best team, and if they land Santana in the next day or two, will tighten their grip on a dynasty the Yankees have been fearing since 2004."

Sure, the Red Sox are the AL's best team, though the Tigers might give them a run for the money.

But it should be obvious to everybody by now that the best team doesn't always win the World Series. In fact, the best team does not usually win the World Series.

Which is why the Yankees might win the World Series in 2008.

Like Pedro Martinez.

"The Yankees have already spent $400 million the past few weeks and you know what that means, right?

They're ready to spend more!

They're ready to break the bank for Johan Santana and thereby go against all the data on signing starting pitchers to longterm deals."

Just to be clear, that $400 million pays for a combined 16 seasons of baseball by three different players, two of whom are going to the HOF and one of whom makes a pretty decent case for the HOF.

Use the mathematical concept of "average" and the economic concept of "future value of money," and I think you'll find the Yankees paid the 2007 equivalent of 25 Roger Clemens strikeouts.


Over the past three seasons, the Mets have paid Pedro Martinez an average of $13 million for an average of 9 wins.

Ask Mike Lupica, and he'll tell you that Pedro is the baseball equivalent of Moses leading the Mets to their current status as (ahem) the Kings of New York City.

(Speaking of the George Mitchell report, hasn't Lupica noticed the peculiar swelling of Pedro's head over the past ten years?)

Pedro was worth every penny, and if you don't understand why, then you've never been at the pink-and-grime colored walls near Gate D, waiting for the #7 Train, cannoli in one hand and warm Bud Light in the other.

It's about Hope and Pride and dem straphangers.

Yankee fans are eating caviar and hiring people to shovel their driveways.


I don't really think the Twins will trade Santana until July. See if they're out of the race and wait to drive up the price.

The Yankees may part with one of their young pitchers, but they'll be getting a young pitcher in return. Yes, Santana will likely get injured at some point, just like Hughes will likely get injured at some point. They all get injured at some point.

The high rate of injury amongst MLB pitchers also explains why Cashman will likely take a different approach, stockpiling his starting staff with young, cheap, effective arms.

But the reason you trade Hughes for Santana is because Santana has already accomplished what Hughes can only hope to accomplish.

It's the difference between potential and realized potential.

Write something bad about Eli Manning.

I just find it fascinating when a writer invents a reality and sticks with it.

Case in point is Mike Lupica's love affair with Eli Manning. Four interceptions in a game won't invite as much criticism as one GIDP by Gary Sheffield.

Similarly, Lupica is one of many writers who are still insisting that baseball fans care about steroids:

"The real star of the baseball offseason won't be Alex Rodriguez, or Johan Santana. It will be a former United States Senator from the state of Maine, a cancer survivor, slightly hard of hearing, named George Mitchell."

I didn't know that George Mitchell was a former Senator from Maine. That's mildly interesting. I couldn't name the current Senators from Maine if you put a gun to my head.

Like most baseball fans, I will now fast forward to the end of the article without reading the part about steroid use in baseball. At the end of the article, I find an amazing occurrence. Mike Lupica sort of indirectly criticizes Eli Manning:

"You know why the Giants have to be right about Eli Manning?

Because if they're wrong, they've burned nearly a whole decade, that's why."

"If" they're wrong.

He's not really going to retire, is he?

"He's got a tough decision to make," Posada said. "He said if he doesn't play with the Yankees, he's not going to play at all. Right now, he's leaning toward retirement."

Here's what you do.

You accept the offer, pitch one game, feign injury, and give the money to orphans and puppies.

It's time.

"What does matter is performance on the field, and whether Rodriguez's elephantine payday will prevent the Yankees from spending the additional monies necessary to surround him with a winning cast as no one player, no matter how good, can drive a weak team to the playoffs."

I disagree with Mitch Getz.

You don't say ...

"Joe Torre was often the only manager in the majors to skip the winter meetings. Girardi, meanwhile, is everywhere. The Yankees are not used to such off-season activity from their manager, but they like it."

The Yankees are also not used to much during-season activity from their manager.

Overpaid disloyal mercenary makes team better.

When did the Yankees get their soul back?

I thought the Yankees sold their soul when they signed Wade Boggs.

For sure when they signed Roger Clemens the first time.

Undoubtedly, when they signed Roger Clemens the second time. Remember that hub bub? It was the end of the Universe and cats were going to start getting along with dogs.

That was just a few months ago.

So, the Yankees must have quickly gotten their soul back sometime this summer. Must have been Joba Chamberlain. But he doesn't have the soul of, say, Soul Brother Number One, Charlie Hayes. Which means the Yankees really sold their soul when they signed Scott Brosius.

Not to mention when they signed Jose Canseco. Did you know Jose Canseco has more Championship rings than Don Mattingly? More Championship rings as a member of the Yankees even.

Not to mention when they signed Jason Giambi instead of Tino Martinez. Not to mention when they signed Tino Martinez instead of Don Mattingly. Not to mention when they signed Joe Girardi instead of Mike Stanley.

Or when they kick-started free agency with the Cafish Hunter signing.

Or when Reggie Jackson insulted Thurman Munson.

Maybe when they stole Babe Ruth from the Red Sox.

Did the Yankees ever have a soul to sell?

Maybe they're just a professional sports team and Anthony Rieber is being silly.

Carlos Marmol? Never heard of him.

Them..................		Felz & His Friends
Jimmy Rollins	353	Jimmy Rollins	22
Matt Holliday	336	Matt Holliday	21
Prince Fielder	284	Prince Fielder	20
David Wright	182	Ryan Howard	19
Ryan Howard	112	David Wright	9
Chipper Jones	107	Rickey Henderson	4
Jake Peavy	97	Willie Randolph	4
Chase Utley	89	Alfonso Soriano	4
Albert Pujols	50	Chase Utley	3
Hanley Ramirez	49	Carlos Beltran	2
Eric Byrnes	43	Albert Pujols	2
Alfonso Soriano	39	Hanley Ramirez	2
Aramis Ramirez	36	Jose Reyes	2
Jose Valverde	19	Paul Lo Duca	1
Miguel Cabrera	18
Jose Reyes	16
Brandon Webb	15
Troy Tulowitzki	13
Carlos Lee	7
Adrian Gonzalez	6
Carlos Beltran	6
Brandon Phillips	3
Aaron Rowand	3
Brad Hawpe	2
Ryan Braun	2
Carlos Marmol	1

Potentially more pitching.

Making the playoffs is a "horror show":

"The New York Yankees have lost 13 of their last 17 playoff games and basically dismissed their iconic manager because of it, and they just spent nearly $400 million to put the same product back on the field, only with potentially less pitching."

Potentially more pitching is what I think you meant to say.


"Indeed, assurance and vigor have gone the way of Mystique and Aura, capricious mistresses last seen on Curt Schilling's arm."

In all seriousness, I saw them on craigslist last night. I even sent the links to my friend Jason, who probably couldn't even afford them.

2007 AL MVP.

My apologies to Mike Lowell. In my analysis of D. Wright's MVP chances, I wrongfully predicted that Lowell would not crack the top 10. Perhaps my apologies should be to the voters and not to Lowell.

Actually, why am I apologizing to people who don't even care?


I don't understand how J.J. Putz could receive more MVP points than any other pitcher while receiving zero Cy Young votes. Just a statistical oddity.


I also like the person who somehow thought Abreu was the sixth-best player in the AL. I'm not sure he's the sixth-best outfielder on the Yankees.

Them..................		Felz & His Friends
Alex Rodriguez	382	Alex Rodriguez	72
Magglio Ordonez	258	Magglio Ordonez	26
Vladimir Guerrero	203	Vladimir Guerrero	10
David Ortiz	177	David Ortiz	9
Mike Lowell	126	Jorge Posada	8
Jorge Posada	112	Mike Lowell	5
Victor Martinez	103	Curtis Granderson	2
Ichiro Suzuki	89	Grady Sizemore	1
Carlos Pena	64	Ichiro Suzuki	1
Curtis Granderson	51
Derek Jeter	17
Grady Sizemore	15
J.J. Putz	12
C.C. Sabathia	11
Torii Hunter	5
Orlando Cabrera	5
Bobby Abreu	4
John Lackey	4
Placido Polanco	4
Justin Morneau	3
Chone Figgins	3
Josh Beckett	2
Fausto Carmona	1
Frank Thomas	1

Balderdash!

"You have to ask yourself where the Yankees would have finished without A-Rod and where the Tigers would have finished without Ordonez," Hawkins said. "A-Rod had a better supporting cast than Magglio did. I know for a fact the Tigers would not have been anywhere close and certainly not in Wild Card contention without Magglio."

Let me the first to point out (ahem) that the Tigers would have probably missed the playoffs without Ordonez.


The Tigers arguably gave Magglio Ordonez a better supporting cast than the Yankees gave Alex Rodriguez. The Yankees had a better catcher than the Tigers and that's about it.

Just look at the stats and judge for yourself.

Who is the most underrated player in the AL? Granderson, Guillen, or Polanco?

2007 NL Cy Young.

Them..................		Felz & His Friends
Jake Peavy	160	Jake Peavy	40
Brandon Webb	94	Brandon Webb	23
Brad Penny	14	Brad Penny	13
Aaron Harang	10	Carlos Zambrano	7
Carlos Zambrano	3	Tom Glavine	4
Cole Hamels	2	Pedro Martinez	3
John Smoltz	2	Billy Wagner	3
Jose Valverde	2	Cole Hamels	2
Jeff Francis	1	Aaron Harang	2
		Chan Ho Park	2
		Jose Feliciano	1
		Jeff Francis	1
		Tim Hudson	1
		John Smoltz	1

Crazy Eddie unavailable for comment.

Hey, if ARod can demand approximately $280M and this action can somehow be construed as "crawling back to the Yankees," then maybe the following tidbit isn't weird:

"It's believed Mitch Modell of Yankees sponsor Modell Sporting Goods was the third party. Rodriguez and Modell were at an Orlando charity event Tuesday night with Johnny Damon, a friend of Modell's."

Clearly.

"He is an enigmatic figure in their clubhouse, clearly not a player who improves his team."

Clearly, Alex Rodriguez is not a player who improves his team.


I don't think ARod is an enigma. He's a self-centered, arrogant, alpha dog who is trying unsuccessfully to act like he's one of the fellas.

He tries unsuccessfully to act like he respects Joe Torre and Derek Jeter when he's really thinking, "Hit fitty homeruns and then you may speak with me. From now on, it's Mr. Rodriguez when you want to speak to the baddest somethin' somethin' you ever met."


Why does George Vescey even care if ARod offended the Yankees? Offended the sensibilities of Scott Boras and Hank Steinbrenner?

How is that even possible?

These are people who'd eat their children to make an extra dollar.


You know, Andrew Eugene Pettitte talked a lot about his love for the Yankees before he played for the Astros, while he played for the Astros, and after he played for the Astros.

ARod said all along he wanted to stay in NY and, though I didn't believe him for a second, it doesn't even matter. It doesn't matter how it gets done, as long as it gets done.

Sign the dotted line and then play some ball.

The rest is noise.

Why are so many people concerned with the negotiating tactics, anyway?

The Yankees should not opt out on Alex Rodriguez. Because he's a very good baseball player whose presence on their team will greatly increase their chances of winning baseball games and, ultimately, winning the World Series.

The Yankees should play Wilson Betemit at third base because ARod isn't contrite enough? Can you imagine?

These are grown men making decisions that affect a $billion corporation. These aren't middle school boys in the playground deciding who gets invited to a birthday party.

Pretty much.

"And don't give me that crap about how A-Rod would upset your club's precious chemistry. I keep reading all these comments praising the great 'chemistry' and 'teamwork' of the Boston Red Sox. Please. As if the Rockies and Indians somehow had flaws in their character, or were bad teammates simply because they didn't beat the Sox. So the Rockies won 21 of 22 games, and then got swept in the World Series because their bottle of 'chemistry' ran out? Nonsense. The Red Sox didn't win it all because their character was somehow superior to every other team's. They won because they had more talent. They won because they had better players, better pitching, and they played the best in October.

It's wonderful if every teammate is like Mike Lowell or Jason Varitek, but it's hardly necessary as long as a player produces. For crying out loud, Curt Schilling's ego is so monstrous it's an official stop on the Boston duck boat tour, while Manny has repeatedly asked to be traded. Talent matters, not personality. Chuck Knoblauch was as moody a player as there ever was, yet the Twins won a World Series and the Yankees won three straight with him in the lineup. Jack Morris was as self-involved a player as I've ever covered, and he was a cornerstone for three different World Series champs.

...

And it's not like Rodriguez is a troublemaker or a bad guy. Granted, taking his shirt off in Central Park on a sunny summer day was pretty scandalous (the nerve of that guy!). But seriously, c'mon! At worst A-Rod is like the office know-it-all who wants you to know how cool his 72-inch plasma screen looks, and how well his fantasy team is doing, and where all the cool restaurants are. But he also happens to really know his stuff, and he's able to hack into any system and write code that really, really works. You may not want to sit next to him, but you definitely want him in your office.

...

Have teams gotten better after A-Rod left? Well, that depends on how you look at it. We all took great delight trumpeting that 'fact' when the Mariners sported the best regular-season record in American League history the year after A-Rod signed with Texas [Felz note: After adding AL MVP Ichiro]. But the Mariners haven't been to the postseason since that 2001 season, finishing in last place three times. So who would Mariners fans honestly rather have at third base now? A-Rod or Adrian Beltre? Or at shortstop: A-Rod or Yuniesky Betancourt?

...

And while the Rangers did improve to 89-73 the season after they traded A-Rod, they haven't had a winning record since and landed right back in last place this year."

2007 AL Cy Young

Them..................		Felz & His Friends
C.C. Sabathia	119	Josh Beckett	49
Josh Beckett	86	C.C. Sabathia	32
John Lackey	36	John Lackey	20
Fausto Carmona	7	Chien-Ming Wang	14
Eric Bedard	1	Fausto Carmona	9
Roy Halladay	1	Johan Santana	9
Johan Santana	1	Alex Rodriguez	8
Justin Verlander	1	J.J. Putz	2
		Eric Bedard	1
		Dan Haren	1

Yes, ARod got a few Cy Young votes.

Deal with it.

Anybody remember the homerun by Leyritz? When Wohlers hung a slider and McCarver kept saying Wohlers shouldn't have thrown a slider?

Leyritz was a catcher, by the way.

Leyritz was also awaiting the throw from left field in 1995 when Griffey slid in safely with the winning run.

Just sayin'.

Posada existed later on.


In the entire 1996 season, Jorge Posada had 14 at-bats.

In the 1996 postseason, Jorge Posada had 0 at-bats.

I'm not really sure if Posada received a Championship ring for 1996. After the series is over, the players vote on it. I know for a fact that Posada was not on the Yankees roster for the 1996 World Series:

"He gets paid now by the Yankees for all of it, what he used to be and what the Yankees used to be, for being one of the last members of the Class of '96 - class in all ways - who is still here. He gets paid for the four World Series, for the tag he put on Jeremy Giambi that night in Oakland, for the thrower and the game-caller he became. He gets paid for hitting .338 at the age of 36, which is only 51 points higher than he ever hit in his life.

If Andy Pettitte decides to retire, as hard as it is to see him retiring with $16 million on the table, then it is just Posada and Mo Rivera and Derek Jeter from the World Series team of 1996."

I don't know which is more odd: The absurd notion put forth by Lupica that Posada is being paid for the memory of a 1996 World Series in which he didn't play; or the fact that Lupica may be right.

I am not really sure anymore.

The Yankees have such a strong tendency to live in the past, and the history is revised so often, that maybe Posada is actually being paid extra money because he is associated with the 1996 World Series.

In which he didn't play.

Statistical analysis has made baseball dynasties virtually impossible.

Great, great material right here:

"Baseball has changed dramatically since I began my tenure with the Yankees ... I look forward to sharing my thoughts and perspective on how the game has evolved ... In addition to sharing Torre's knowledge of the game, the authors will examine the rapidly changing baseball landscape, explaining how developments such as revenue sharing and the rise of statistical analysis have made the future existence of dynasties virtually impossible."

Torre will also manage the Los Angeles Whatchacallits in his spare time.

Nineteen Freakin' Fifty Eight.

That is when the Dodgers moved to Los Angeles.

Name five current pitchers from the NL West.

Is Jake Peavy left-handed or right-handed?

The San Diego baseball team is called the ___________. (Hint: When you were manager of the Yankees, you beat this team in the 1998 World Series.)

Veteran of the psychic wars.

Can you imagine the psychic break in Lupica's brain if ARod played for the Mets?

I think the Love for the Mets would win out and ARod would need to be re-imagined as a scrappy underdog.

He's no Pavano.

Never in a million years would I have thought Pettitte would turn down his option.

Unless he thinks he can get a better contract.

Maybe he can.

Heck, he could have exercised the option, collected $16M, and gone on the DL.

Obviously.

"I don't know my team, obviously," Torre said.

Name three players.

Scott Proctor doesn't count.

I am trying to think of an analogy.

Maybe Joe Gibbs?

I mean, how much better do people think Torre is compared to Grady Little?

How much different do people think Torre is compared to Grady Little?:

"What for days appeared to be another episode of reckless decisions and bungled stewardship by Los Angeles Dodgers owner Frank McCourt turned into the franchise's greatest coup since drafting Mike Piazza in the 62nd round 20 years ago.

The Dodgers exchanged Forrest Gump for Joe Cool."