Danger! Danger!

Nancy Armour waits until June 6th to notice the hubbub surrounding Roger Clemens:

"I don't know about anybody else, but I'm tired of Clemens' act and wish he would go away."

You don't know about anybody else? Do you own a television, radio, or a computer? Do you have access to newspapers or any other information media?


"But at what price? By giving the right-hander a deal that essentially allows him to be a part-timer - an obscenely rich one, at that - the Yankees are setting a dangerous precedent."

"Danger," as in, professional ballplayers may start getting paid a lot of money and perhaps acquire an inflated sense of self-importance?

Or "danger," as in, The End of Days?

Is somebody going to die because of Roger Clemens's contract? Will children start running with scissors and forget to look left-right-left before crossing the street?


I think a baseball player has been overpaid. By the Yankees. I wish it was the first time.

The red pill.

Remember that scene in "The Matrix" where Keanu Reeves decides to take the red pill and learn the truth?

The truth is shocking and hurtful.

The truth shattered paradigms.

The truth is that the computers had beaten humans in a big war and that humans were being harvested for their electricity. The perceived world was just, I guess, the computer-generated Matrix, or something.

Point being, it's unsettling when the foundations of your belief systems are revealed to be lies.


I think Mike Lupica experienced a similar phenomenon when Alex Rodriguez hit a game-winning two-out ninth-inning homerun off Jonathan Papelbon.

Golly, that's swell.

"A night after Lowell took a pitch off his left wrist -- one of five hit batsman in the game -- he had three hits and four RBIs. He was also involved in a little basepath payback in the fourth when he slammed his right shoulder -- and a little bit of his elbow -- into Cano in an attempt to break up a double play.

Cano bounced the ball to first as he fell to the dirt, just getting Varitek at first.

'I never had a problem with him before,' Cano said. 'Today he threw his elbow.'

But Torre said it was a clean play."

If you want to throw a few pitches at Derek Jeter or Alex Rodriguez, you go right ahead.

If you want to hit a homerun off of Scott Proctor and stand in the batter's box for seven seconds, I'll pretend not to notice.

When you beat us in the playoffs, I'll stand on the top step of the dugout and cheer for you when you raise the pennant flag.

Surprise, surprise.

Refer to David Ortiz as "Big Papi" one more time, you traitor.


ARod ought to pull one of the "Bad News Bears" moments. Steinbrenner announces that one more loss will get Torre fired. ARod fields a ground ball with two outs in the ninth and holds it while the batter runs around the bases.

That's what you get for batting me eighth in the playoffs, you blameshifting punk.

The Yankees Need Eight More Like Him.

Bill Reynolds can do arithmetic.

He also has several ways of expressing the word, "over":

"Because this race is already over.

Finis.

Kaput.

Done.

Over."

I'm not a thesaurus salesman, but you just used "over" twice.


"Use any expression you want."

The quick red fox jumped over the lazy brown dog.

You can't have your cake and eat it, too.

I Like Ike.


"And I know stranger things have happened. And I know that it’s never over till it’s over, as Yogi used to say.

But this isn’t 1978.

This is now.

And this is over.

And the Yankees?

Welcome to the wild-card chase."

Every intelligent Yankee fan I know set their sights exclusively on the wild-card race about three weeks ago.

Personally, I was thinking third place as soon as Kenny Rogers mowed them down in Game Three of the '06 ALDS. That was before they traded away Unit and Sheffield.

No crying in baseball.

First, the Boston Dirt Dogs whine when a player slides hard into second base to break up a double play.

Now, this:

"The thing about the Yankees, one of the reasons they're so respected, is they do things right. Always have," manager John Gibbons said. "They've got a lot of pride and a lot of class. They play the game hard.

"That's not Yankee pride right there," he said. "That's not the way they play. I thought it was bush league."

Forget about pride, class, and respect. The thing about the Yankees is winning. If anybody respects a 22-29 team, they're fools.

Nice guys finish last and the spirits of Thurman Munson and Billy Martin were smiling when they saw that play. Only difference is, Munson was looking down and Martin was looking up.

Fielding practice?

"For the first time this season, the Yankees took a round of infield practice before last night's game"

Yes, I think it must be true.

Joe Torre reads my blog and takes my advice.

They hate you and won't listen to you.

"Sensing an attitude problem on his struggling team, Torre held a lengthy meeting before Monday night's game in Toronto. The session ran so long the Yankees were nearly a half-hour late taking the field for stretching and batting practice."

Speaking of which, when is the last time Robinson Cano had fielding practice?

He's a modern-day William Wallace.

"But I don't know what you do about it," Torre said. "You still have to go out there, prepare and play. It's not that now it's time to panic. Now, what do you do once you do that?"

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

I know what to do about it!

I know what to do about it!

Blowing the lid off the steroid scandal!

You know you're in trouble when Darryl Strawberry is your character witness:

"He was a good kid," Strawberry said. "He was just like any other kid doing his job ... very hard worker, real nice kid. He always did above and beyond for the players. He was a go-getter type guy. He did a lot of errands for me, Doc [Gooden], Coney [David Cone]. He did a lot of stuff for a lot of us. I don't know what happened later. But for us, he was good."

Red Marker.

Sitting in the bleachers last night with some good pals and one of the Bleacher Creatures attempted to make fun of Curt Schilling. Who was getting bombed, so the criticism was appropriate.

(The same genius repeatedly said "I told you so!" when Farnsworth pitched poorly. As if predicting a poor performance from "Farnsworthless" was some kind of bold, contrary stance.)

Anyway, guy calls Schilling "Red Marker," obviously referring to the bloody sock of the 2004 ALCS.

Which the Red Sox won.

By winning four games in a row against the Yankees after they fell behind three games to zero.

On their way to winning the World Series.

Which the Yankees haven't won since 2000.

E-8.

No offense intended for David Wright, but when a ball hits a player in the glove, is it not an error?

If that fly ball to centerfield had dropped back into the field of play, do you think it would have been ruled a double?

Okay, I admit it: Offense intended for David Wright.

The under/over is still July 15th.

But the under is getting all the action lately.

Joe Torre is the last person to realize that his team is mailing it in:

“I’ve been very proud of this ballclub, the fact they’re coming to play,” he said. “We’re just not firing on all burners right now. I really don’t have any issue with anything other than the final score.”

His predictable Torre-like reaction is almost impossible to believe at this point.

The Yankees are 10 games out of first place in the AL East and 1/2 game out of last place in the AL East.

The Yankee are in sixth place in the wild card race, 6 1/2 games out.

The Yankees have the 22nd best record in baseball.


Of course most of the blame lies with the players. Of course they should be self-motivated. But the manager of this team is paid $7 million and his tired shtick clearly isn't working anymore. It hasn't been working in years. What you saw in the 2006 ALCS should have been the final straw. This team may not turn it around with a new manager, but they're never going to turn it around with Torre as their manager

Of course you go!

A baseball player is about to hit career homerun #756 and the commissioner of baseball is downplaying it.

Yadier Molina? Seriously?

"Last October, after the Mets succumbed to the three-week wonder that was the 2006 St. Louis Cardinals, I engaged a gaggle of Mets fans in dialogue about the pecking order of New York baseball. The debate quickly got prickly, as Yankee devotees played the 'Yadier Molina? Seriously?' card and Mets boosters went the '$190 million can buy you Botswana, but not a World Series title' route."

Yes, indeed.

The famous prickly debate ender. The "Yadier Molina? Seriously?" card.

I'm guessing Yadier Molina is the Cardinal who hit the game-winning homerun against the Mets in Game Seven of the NLCS.

I'm also guessing that Larry Dobrow never actually met a person who ever played the "Yadier Molina? Seriously?" card.

Yankee fans were probably unconcerned with the Mets. Yankee fans were debating whether or not their manager should be re-hired.

If I remember correctly, I think that I argued that the Yankee manager should not be re-hired at that time.


There are no prickly debates regarding the Yankees vs. the Mets. Nobody cares.

All the people who show up at Shea to watch the Yankees but couldn't be bothered to watch the Brewers are pathetic excuses for fans. Same goes for their counterparts in the Bronx.

Even if the Yankees sweep the Mets, the Yankees will be a mere.500 and purt near 10 games out. The Mets will possibly still be in first place.

What I learned today.

The joy of rainouts and the accompanying Yankeeographies.

This time, it's Graig Nettles.

I learned two important things about Graig Nettles:

1. He is the third baseman who hit .248 who belongs in the Hall of Fame.
2. He got his RBIs in close games.

Getaway Day.

One run and seven hits.

Two hours and 35 minutes.

130 pitches thrown by the Mariners.

Mets Intern Writes Popular Baseball Column.

The Yankees are worth $1.2 billion and now draw 4 million every season to decrepit Yankee Stadium.

Bear this in mind as you read another of Mike Lupica's endless attempts to shove the Mets down your throat:

"This is not breaking news inside Shea Stadium, or even on the inside with the Mets. But the way they measure how they are doing each day is by checking the standings in the NL East, not whether they are on one of the back pages of the New York City tabloids, and not by checking their record against the one belonging to the darlings of the tabloids, the Yankees."

The Mets are better than the Yankees in 2007. This is not breaking news anywhere. The Yankees are the most underachieving team in baseball.

In fact, to say the Yankees are the second-best team in New York is an insult to the Brooklyn Cyclones.


"Boy, oh boy, the Yankees do win when it comes to big headlines. You can call that one the way Russ Hodges called Bobby Thompson's home run: The Yankees win the back page! The Yankees win the back page! The Yankees win the back page!"

The fans don't care about the back page.

The business owners care because it's free advertising.

But the Yankees are so much more popular than the Mets (2 to 1, I'd guess), and baseball is so big in the metro NYC area, that the Yankees are going to get covered endlessly no matter what.


"The Mets were a better baseball team last season than the Yankees and are a better team so far this season, even with a payroll that is $80 million smaller. The gap was even wider last year. The Mets were a more interesting team last season, got a better managing job out of their manager and got a much better job out of their general manager, whose solution to all pitching problems isn't throwing the equivalent of $28 million at Roger Clemens."

• Last season, the Yankees were better than the Mets. Both won 97 games and the Yankees played in a much more difficult league and much more difficult division.
• As for the payroll argument, please stop comparing the Mets to the Yankees. The Mets just lost 12-3 to the Brewers. The Brewers have a better record than the Mets despite spending $50 million less than the Mets. The Mets have the highest payroll in the NL and Lupica still insists that they're gritty underdogs.
• Randolph is better than Torre? Check.
• Minaya is better than Cashman? Eh. Minaya just throws money around, too. What is Minaya's solution to all his pitching problems? He lucked out with John Maine, bless his heart. Everybody other problem was solved by throwing money at it.
• One more thing: The "equivalent of $28 million" is $28 million. Which the Yankees are not spending on Roger Clemens.

"They did not get the back page with their third baseman talking about their shortstop. They did not do it Yankee style, which is often Paris Hilton style. The Mets did not do it because the manager was in trouble or with Clemens or Carl Pavano or the owner's son-in-law getting picked up by the cops or questions about the line of succession or by firing a trainer."

No, they get the back page by shaving their heads.

They get the back page when their catcher got a divorce.

They get the back page when their overrated third baseman finally hits a homerun.

You know, I watched the first four or five innings of Saturday's Mets game. The boxscore says 50,000 people were there. I saw a sea of empty orange seats on a Saturday afternoon, perfect weather, playoff preview.

The Yankees are not going away. The Yankees are getting a new Stadium, which will be sold out for ten years. The players will come and go, but the solid marketing campaigns will remain. An entire generation of new Yankee fans have seen Jeter play ss for ten years and have never seen their team miss the playoffs. They're not becoming Mets fans overnight because the Mets beat Jeff Suppan or even if the Mets win the World Series.

The best thing for the Mets and Lupica to do is stop comparing the Mets to the Yankees. The only people you're going to convert are a smattering of disloyal fans who don't know the difference between John Franco and Julio Franco.

Quality Time.

All of the Clemens Mercenary outrage seems a bit dated since he had the same contract perks with Houston.

In any case, I'm pretty sure the term "great mercenary" is meant as an insult:

"When the time comes for the folks in Cooperstown to detail the career of Roger Clemens on his Hall of Fame plaque, one can only hope they don't forget this tribute:

'One of the game's great mercenaries.' "

Actually, I don't think Clemens will be worth it. I think he will be a better-than-average mercenary, for sure, but not great. Also, if the Yankees miss the playoffs, Cashman will have to answer why he spent so much money on one player and why he took development time away from DeSalvo and Rasner.


"For that paltry sum, you certainly can't ask a player to hang around between starts, so the Yankees also gave Clemens permission to leave the team on days he's not scheduled to pitch. Manager Joe Torre supposedly ran that little item past veterans such as Derek Jeter, with no complaints."

We'll see how Clemens reacts. I'm guessing he'll show up every day. I don't really think it matters too much.

Javier Vazquez showed up every day. Tony Womack showed up every day. Juan Acevedo showed up every day. Alberto Castillo showed up every day. Luis Vizcaino shows up every day. Jeff Weaver showed up every day.

In fact, when the opponents heard that Jeff Weaver was pitching, they'd send a limousine and a police escort to make sure he got to the Stadium on time.

With great teammates like that, you don't need prostatitis.

One team takes it personally.

"With two on and one out in the second, the fast-working lefty struck out Robinson Cano on a slow curveball and Melky Cabrera on a fastball. Washburn slapped his glove and shouted to punctuate that escape.

...

And after Phelps reached second base after a fielder's choice in the fourth, Washburn got Cabrera to ground out. Washburn yelled and pumped his fist at that, too."

The similarities to last year's ALDS are disconcerting. When the opponent shows up to play, the Yankees simply don't know how to counter. If the Yankees play with emotion, they're instantly rebuked for their lack of professionalism and class.


If anybody else said what Joe Torre said, I'd dismiss it as a colloquialism:

"Torre said that the team's lack of deep at-bats in the contest was a concern. As Torre noted, every time he looked up from the bench, it seemed that Washburn had worked his way ahead in the count."

"I'm not sleeping, I'm strategizing."

All the naive writers live in one city.

"Roger Clemens is everything the Yankees don't need and everything they claim not to want."

Roger Clemens is a good pitcher and the Yankees need good pitching.


"On a team that thrived a decade ago on role players, timely hitting and controlled egos, he is a diva in a clubhouse already bulging with them."

You know who is a good example of a "role player"? Randy Velarde.

You know who Wallace Matthews just describes as "role players"? Try Bernie, Jeter, Tino, Posada, Knoblauch, O'Neill, Rivera, Pettitte, Key, Cone, Wells, El Duque, etc.

The $150 million teams filled with role players.

Oh, and don't forget "role player" Roger Clemens. The diva who earned two rings with the Yankees.

Does two rings in a row not qualify as "thriving"?


"Then came Clemens, and before long, Giambi and A-Rod and Mussina and Javier Vazquez and Randy Johnson and Bobby Abreu."

Then came Clemens, and before long, two more Championships.


"The nucleus had enough left in it to pull off two more titles but soon, the magic of the mid-1990s was gone, replaced by the decided stench of mercenaries in the clubhouse and apathy on the field."

Absolutely pathetic and disgraceful.

As if the Yankees won despite free agents and mercenaries.

The stench of mercenaries like David Cone, Wade Boggs, Charlie Hayes, Jimmy Key, Roger Clemens, Mike Stanton, Jeff Nelson, Joe Girardi, Tino Martinez, Chuck Knoblauch, Paul O'Neill, David Wells, and Scott Brosius?

Oh, and you'd better believe that True Yankees like Jeter are loyal to the Yankees because the Yankees pay them well. They're all mercenaries.

Without the stench of mercenaries, the Yankees wouldn't have any rings ... ever.


"Now, Clemens is back, and he is supposed to be some sort of throwback to the Yankees teams that brought a lot of fans back to the Stadium in 1996, when baseball in the Bronx became fun again."

Seriously? Wallace Matthews didn't have fun in 1995? Mattingly in the playoffs vs. Seattle? Didn't they hit three dingers in a row in a playoff game? The Pat Kelly homerun down the stretch in Toronto, I believe? Winning the last ten games just to win the wild card, or something like that?

When did baseball in the Bronx become not fun for Wallace Matthews? Then, it only became fun again when a bunch of mercenaries bought the World Series title in 1996?

I always enjoyed baseball in the Bronx. I enjoyed the Mel Hall Era. I enjoyed the Jack Clark Strikeout Watch. I enjoyed the Yankee Toyota car. I enjoyed Andy Hawkins losing a no-hitter. I enjoyed Joel Skinner occasionally hitting a ball into fair territory. I enjoyed Don Baylor getting hit by pitches and Steve Kemp mentally and physically disintegrate into the worst player in baseball history.

Why not have fun? It's baseball in the Bronx! It's always fun!

Maybe it's because I'm a fan of baseball.

Maybe Wallace Matthews just doesn't like baseball.

Maybe he should write newspaper columns about knitting instead.


"If Clemens really cared about any team other than Team Rocket, he would have reported to spring training in February, with everyone else rather than starting his spring on May 9. If he really gave a damn about any of the three teams interested in him, he would have let them know his intentions three months ago, so they could plan accordingly. If remaining close to home was really so important to him, he would have returned to the Astros, or at worst, gone to the Texas Rangers."

Wallace Matthews has the mind of an infant.

Yes, we know, we know. Roger Clemens is greedy and self-centered. Everybody knows it.

We also know if he really wanted a ring so badly, he'd go to the Red Sox or the Tigers or, heck, why not the Brewers?

When Clemens says "the Yankees know how to win," he's lying. Just look at the list of World Series winners at baseball-reference.com. The Four Rings are ancient history.

But what's bizarre is that Wallace Matthews actually seems to believe that Clemens surprised the Yankees. As if the Yankees didn't have time to plan accordingly. As if this wasn't decided before Pettitte signed and before Randy Johnson was traded. As if Pettitte and Jeter haven't been practicing their "surprise" face for six months.

No matter how much you hate Clemens and no matter how much you hate the Yankees, your brain can't possibly be that dysfunctional.

Somebody explain to the grown up that Santa Claus doesn't exist.

"THERE is some good that can emerge from the bluster and the ballyhoo of Roger Clemens' return to duty. From this point forward, on into forever, we can finally, officially dismiss the nonsensical notion that the Yankees exist on a separate plane from the rest of baseball, and the rest of sports."

Nonsensical notions are nonsensical notions. Not sure why the signing of Roger Clemens would render a notion any more or less nonsensical.


"Those pinstripes, which Yankees and Yankees fans alike have viewed as some kind of moral shield for decades?

They're just stripes now."

Moral shield?


"The Yankees have officially surrendered the right to act self-righteous and superior now. They're just like everyone else. When the pressure hits a certain level, they'll squander their stack like Tony Soprano on a gambling jag."

I'm still not sure what you're getting at.

The Yankees are not just like everyone else because the Yankees have more money to spend than everyone else. They've always squandered their stack like Tony Soprano on a gambling jab. As far back as Babe Ruth.

The self-righteousness and even the commitment to winning? That's a marketing campaign.


"Let it ride, and to hell with the Yankee Way."

What's the Yankee Way?

I always thought the Yankee Way was to utilize their financial advantages as best as they possibly could.

That's the Yankee Way.

That's how you win 26 World Championships.


"Gone are the days when the Yankees can even pretend their dirty socks don't smell the way everyone else's do. Gone are the days when they can harrumph and say they don't adjust to the times, the times - and the players - adjust to them. The moment they coaxed Clemens' signature onto the bottom of this perks-heavy contract, they did more than sell their soul.

They sold their collective history - and all the moral authority that allegedly went with it - down the Harlem River. Here's hoping ol' No. 22 will be worth it."

Wow. Have the Yankees ever harrumphed and said they don't adjust to the times? I know that Steinbrenner insists on clean-shaven beards. Other than that, I think the Yankees have made an effort to adjust to the times.

The Yankees sold their collective history, did they? I hope the wife beaters, alcoholics, junkies, greedy free agents, crybabies, spoiled brats, and cheaters who fill Monument Park can deal with it.

The Yankees can't sell their soul. The Yankees never had one. They're a professional baseball team.

Clemens is neither morally superior nor morally inferior to any of the other 749 mercenaries who play major league baseball. He's just better than most of them.

I take it all back.

I always thought Joe Torre gave interminable, boring, charmless postgame interviews.

Then, I saw Don Mattingly after last night's game, seemingly intimidated by the likes of Kim Jones and Sweeny Murti.

Sweeny probably grew up with posters of Mattingly on his wall. He's rooting for the guy to give a good answer. But Mattingly answered questions like he had just been caught in that beach house on "Dateline."

Duh Logic.

Thanks to my friend and legit Brewer fan Scuba for directing my attention to this monstrosity.

"In concept, the Ultimate Fantasy Draft is pretty simple: If you were starting a team from scratch, which players would you build around?"

In concept, it's pretty simple. In practice, it's pretty dopey.

Check out the top ten.

Alex Rodriguez is 10th and David Wright is 8th.

The 9th-best player on the Mets is the 8th-best player in baseball.


Yes, I know, I know. The argument is framed so it is rigged towards younger, cheaper players. It's not really asking who's the "best" player, per se, in 2007.

But, still: Wright should simply not be ahead of ARod on any list of good baseball players.


I'm quite perplexed by the lowered expectations for Wright. Last year at this time, he was supposedly an MVP candidate on a fast route to Cooperstown.

Now, the general sentiment seems to be that Met fans shouldn't worry because he will rebound and hit .295 with 25 homeruns and 90 rbis.

Gee, whiz. Even I think he'll do better than that throughout his career. Ty Wiggington could have done 90% of that for 1/10th the pricetag.

Why are you here?

"I'm here and I'm not going anywhere and I don't apologize for who I am," [Waldman] said. "I never said I was Vin Scully or Bob Costas. That's not why I'm here."

Bob Costas?

You voluntarily name two people who represent the pinnacle of baseball broadcasting and one of them is Bob Costas?


Am I the only person who isn't buying any of this shock and amazement?

Andy Pettitte didn't know? Nobody knew?

I guess it was a nice show for a Sunday afternoon. But I tend to agree with Lance Berkman's assessment:

"With this Rocket situation, there's two kinds of people: people that are not surprised and morons."

The concept of "both."

The Yankee pitching is bad. Their first baseman is also bad. Their first baseman should not be compared to their pitching staff. He should be compared to other first basemen:

"Reading your e-mail, I think back to Friday night when the Yankees put up 11 runs and 16 hits against the Mariners -- both season highs -- and still lost.

Did the Yankees lose because they didn't have enough offense, and thus Mientkiewicz should be singled out? I don't believe so. Competent pitching solves a lot of the Yankees' woes, but when a team is losing, suddenly you're looking for scapegoats and the guy hitting under .200 is the easiest target of all."

Yes, they lost because they didn't have enough offense. When the opponent scores 15, your offense has to score 16. Because you lose when you score less runs than your opponent.

Last Friday night is not a good example. Ball Thief was 1-for-2 with a walk and a run scored.

But, in general, the argument does not hold water. A bad player is a bad player. It does not matter if his teammates are good.

The Yankees have a pitching staff with Mussina, Wang, Pettitte, Proctor, Farnsworth, Myers, and Rivera. I never heard anybody say, "It doesn't matter if Kei Igawa's ERA is 75.00. They should have enough pitching without Kei Igawa."

Stop defending Ball Thief because the other players on his team are good.

He is a bad baseball player. It doesn't matter which team he is playing for. Bad baseball players make the team worse.

Lupica finally mentions Alex Rodriguez in a positive manner.

After negatively comparing ARod to Troy Glaus, David Wright, Mike Lowell, and dozens of other inferior players, Lupica can not directly praise ARod:

"Even when A-Rod was having the kind of all-time April he was having, you want to know something?

Reyes was still the best baseball show going."

You want to know something? You are wrong. We all saw it with our own eyes.

The best baseball show going was ARod.

ARod, by the way, still leads his league in homeruns, runs scored, and runs batted in. While batting .370. While playing dazzling defense.

ARod will go down in history as one of the top five baseball players of all time and you missed the whole thing, even though he played right under your nose.


But it's also a question nobody was asking. The appreciation of baseball in its totality expands beyond two morons in a bar arguing Mets vs. Yankees.

I remember Lupica and others pushing the left side of the infield thing. A renaissance of Willie, Mickey, and the Duke. I don't hear too much about it since the third baseman of the Mets is hitting under .250.

Every Yankees fan should be able to appreciate the talents of Jose Reyes. He is much better than I thought he'd be and his career arc seems to be on the rise.

(Of course, so did David Wright's six months ago. So did Edgardo Alfonzo's in 1999. So did Adrian Beltre's three years ago. So, I'll still take the guy who has done it for twelve seasons.)

Every Mets fan and every Red Sox fan should be able to appreciate the talents of Alex Rodriguez. Especially a Red Sox fan who's writing columns for the newspaper which covers the daily events of the city in which Alex Rodriguez plays baseball.


Plus, just when you think Mike Lupica couldn't possibly be more hypocritical, couldn't possibly be more of a Mets fan, Mr. Tough Guy New York Writer throws this pathetic bouquet of flowers to the Mets third baseman:

"Sports fans can boo anybody they want to in sports, booing is one of the last rights they have left.

And they sure do buy the right when they buy the ticket.

I just don't think that right should include David Wright."

So sad.

.248 with 2 homeruns and the grizzled New York newspaper man defends him.

Lupica leads the parade when ARod was gets booed, when Sheffield got hurt, when Randy Johnson was losing playoff games. Lupica said Clemens didn't deserve the Cy Young when Clemens was 20-3.

Fair enough. The Daily News is birdcage liner and nobody has to read it.

But you should be consistent if you want to be able to look at yourself in the mirror.

Instead of defending the Mets' awful third baseman, go get Bill Gallo to draw a cartoon of David Wright in his $10 million diapers.

Get ready for six more weeks of winter.

In the fourth inning of tonight's game, Alex Rodriguez was on second base with two outs. Robinson Cano struck out and the ball rolled away from the catcher. Cano ran to first base and Rodriguez scored all the way from second base.

Turns out, the ball hit Cano in the foot after he'd swung, so the play was over and Cano was out.

Joe Torre put down his green tea, pried himself off the bench, and emerged from the dugout to argue the play.

He scurried back into the dugout so quickly, that I'm pretty sure he saw his shadow.

One of these things is not like the other.

The life of Mariano Rivera must be odd because he is consistently disrespected every time his ERA rises above 0.00.

But at least I get a chance to see Joe Borowski and Mariano Rivera mentioned in the same breath:


"On the way down


Armando Benitez, Giants

Joe Borowski, Indians

Ryan Dempster, Cubs

Tom Gordon, Phillies

Trevor Hoffman, Padres

Jason Isringhausen, Cardinals

Todd Jones, Tigers

Brad Lidge, Astros

Mariano Rivera, Yankees

B.J. Ryan, Blue Jays

Bob Wickman, Braves"

The oddest entry on this list is B.J. Ryan.

Thirty-one years old, 74 saves in the past two seasons, and a 1.37 ERA last year.

Ryan gets hurt early in the 2007 season and, guess what? It's safe to say that his best days are behind him.

Gloggers are even more useless than bloggers.

Funny thing is, the premise is correct. Jose Reyes and other players with similar abilities should focus on on-base percentage instead of slugging percentage.

So, I guess this is a case of a wrong arguments leading to a correct conclusion:

" Marco Lockett

Set the table. Lead off base hit for Reyes. He is doing what a lead off man is suppose [sic] to. Instead of dreaming about the long ball set the table for the big boppers. Especially when your [sic] down by a few runs. Solo shots do no damage. Three run mashes demoralize the opposition."

Solo shots don't do as much damage as three run homeruns, but they still do some damage. One run's worth of damage, to be precise.

I am also confused by the clause, "Especially when you're down by a few runs."

If the Mets were down by one run, or if the game was tied, should Reyes then dream about the long ball?

Reyes did not even score. He was thrown out at home on the back end of a double steal. Where's your demoralizing three run homerun now? Would you take the harmless solo homerun instead?

I was thinking the same thing.

"Couldn't help but thinking if Derek Jeter was half as passionate about Alex Rodriguez as a teammate as he is Joe Torre as a manager, it might have saved A-Rod some anguish last season. Rodriguez isn't Jeter's responsibility, but still …"

Just finishing out his contract, indeed.

"Wait... What? We can't believe there is even talk of Torre being fired."

We're shocked. Shocked!


"If the Yanks are going to make a move like that, they should have done it last October or November, not in April."

Yes.

They should have done it last October or November.

Now it just seems like the Yankees threw good money after bad.


"Is an interim Don Mattingly going to have any more of an impact on these players than Joe Torre? Or is Joe Girardi, whom many of these guys barely know, going to have their full attention? Will Larry Bowa's yelling really fire up Jason Giambi and Hideki Matsui?"

Yes, yes, and yes.

Gosh. It sounds like you guys really don't think Mattingly or Girardi are potential future managers of Yankees.


"The Yankees should let Torre finish out this last season without swirling rumors, and bring in Girardi or Mattingly next year."

That's your solution?

Let Torre "finish out this last season"?

Also, I thought Don Mattingly would not have an impact and Joe Girardi would not grab the full attention of the players.

Didn't you just say that Don Mattingly would not have an impact and Joe Girardi would not grab the full attention of the players?

The role of a critic.

"This one's for you, buddy. You know who you are. For the past week or so, you've been e-mailing newspapers, calling sports talk radio stations, kicking it around with your pals. Although the words may vary, the conclusion is always the same.

Joe must go."

The last five years or so.


"So clearly, there's only one thing to do. Fire the manager."

I doubt if anybody thinks the firing of the manager would instantly solve all the Yankees' problems and propel the Yankees into the playoffs.

The Yankees need pitching and everybody knows this, even people who call sports talk radio stations. Most observers knew this before the season even started.


"Is it Torre's fault that three-fifths of his starting rotation has spent time on the disabled list, or that right now Bobby Abreu couldn't hit the ground if he fell out of a window, or that Chien-Ming Wang split a nail on his pitching hand yesterday, compromising his chances to tame the Red Sox, or that Alex Rodriguez hit into an eighth-inning double play when a two-run homer would have helped a lot more?"

I will give Matthews credit for one cogent baseball observation. A two-run homer would have helped a lot more than a double play.


"Is it Torre's fault that his front office left him pitching-poor this season, or that for the first time in recent memory, the Red Sox seem to have not only the better setup man - well, who would you prefer, Kyle Farnsworth or Hideki Okajima? - but the better closer?

Could Torre have kept David Ortiz, Alex Cora and Manny Ramirez in the ballpark yesterday?"

Very interesting question.

The Yankees are in last place. They are behind the Red Sox, the Blue Jays, the Orioles, and the Devil Rays.

Does Torre have worse set up men than the Devil Rays?


As for yesterday's game, I think Torre may bear some responsibility, if you think about it.

Alex Cora faked a bunt on his first pitch. Torre, Posada, and Wang all fell for it and grooved a fastball down the middle on the next pitch.

Scott Proctor allowed a homerun to Manny Ramirez. Due to Torre's peculiarities as a manager, Scott Proctor has pitched 4,500 innings in the past two seasons. His arm may be tired.


"Besides, who could do a better job with this team than Torre has done? Don Mattingly? Joe Girardi? Or you, buddy? If so, tell me how."

Don Mattingly? I'm not sure.

Joe Girardi? Absolutely.

Me? Am I supposed to manage the Yankees better than Joe Torre?

In truth, I think I casually pay attention to the opponent and the game situation with more insight that Joe Torre. I would have never sent the runners with ARod batting and Wakefield pitching. It's the strike-'em-out, throw-'em-'out Joe Torre Special.

Or send righties in against Okajima. I'll bet Torre has no idea what Okajima's splits are or that Okajima throws a lot of changeups. Not that there's too much to go on with a pitcher with such a small sample size, but Torre also has no idea what Roy Halladay's splits are. Torre said last week that he doesn't stay up at night thinking about the opponent's pitcher -- gee, you don't say.


This is a bizarre stance for a sportswriter to take.

Just because I would not be able to manager the Yankees, I am not allowed to criticize the manager of the Yankees.

But, what do you do every single day in your newspaper column?

Hey, Wallace. When Alex Rodriguez hit into a double play in the eighth inning yesterday, would you have been able to do any better?

Oh, was that a rhetorical question?

Joe Buck just asked a national audience, "What do you think was going through Joe Torre's mind when he saw that bat headed towards Alex Rodriguez?"

The bat had slipped out of the batter's hand and sailed towards the Yankee third baseman.

What do I think was going through Joe Torre's mind?

I can only speculate:

1) "When time does the buffet start at the Country Kitchen?"

2) "What day is it?"

3) "Where am I?"

4) "Who are we playing?"

5) "Is it four strikes is an out? Or four balls is a walk?"

6) "What's a good nickname for Chien-Ming Wang?"

7) "Green tea makes me want to pee."

8) "Do things. Do things. Do things. Do things."

9) "How does one associate Marx's theories of dialectical materialism with Gould's theories of transitional biology vis a vis a holistic view of the collective unconscious?"

10) Nothing.

Jeopardy!

A: Ninth.

Q: Where should the .152 hitter always bat?


A: Second.

Q: Where did Joe Torre bat the .152 hitter?


A: It's a trick question. There is no difference.

Q: What is the difference between a legitimate Joe Torre lineup and the lineup Joe Torre puts together when he's trying to get fired?

But he emanates calm.

"But the one person who escapes the criticism, especially from the media, is the person I blame the most for this mess: manager Joe Torre."

Preach to me, preacher.


"This is not easy to say. What Torre has done in New York is special. Part of me thinks that if a manager wins four World Series, he should never be criticized."

Squash that part of you.


"However, Torre has never been a master at using the bullpen, but this season his cluelessness has hit another level. In the past, he's burned out Steve Karsay, Tanyon Sturtze, Tom Gordon and Paul Quantrill. It looks like Scott Proctor and Luis Vizcainio will be next."

Imagine if Torre didn't have Mariano Rivera.


"But here's what Torre's biggest sin has been: He showed that he's scared of the Red Sox. It was blatantly evident last weekend. A lot was made in New York about how Torre managed the series opener like it was Game 7 of the World Series. Well, he also managed like he had a one-run lead when he had a four-run lead. He showed all of Boston that he was petrified of losing that game. And there's no doubt in my mind that the Red Sox (and their fans) could see it and smelled blood -- and got it."

I don't disagree.

It's way down on the list of grievances, but I don't disagree.

You're learning, Jimmy. You're learning.

You want me to pitch, too?

"Rodriguez, who is hitting .400 (30-for-75) with 14 homers and 34 RBIs, become the first player in major league history to hit 14 homers in the first 18 games of the season and tied Albert Pujols' 2006 mark for most home runs in April.

'This obviously is a tough time for us, but it's a long season. We've got to keep working ourselves out of it,' Rodriguez said.

'We need a win in the worst way. Again, I think hard work and grinding through it and supporting your teammates are the most important things.' "

When I say "tough time for 'us,' " I mean, "tough time for people who are not me."

Yesterday, I made a Nettles play at third and almost another one.

My baserunning was inspired.

Not to mention the four hits, four runs scored, and two homeruns.

I'm thinking about "supporting my teammates" by calling that guy from Sports Illustrated and setting the record straight.

Who's the best third baseman in New York?

ARod should take a couple of months off just to give The Anointed One a chance to catch up.

Dan Graziano pays attention:

"But as the endorsements and the appearances and the accolades kept flowing in, the home runs and RBI have started to trickle. Wright's power stroke vanished after last season's All-Star break. His lousy showing in the NLCS ranked at or near the top of the list of reasons the Mets missed out on the World Series. And in the first 18 games of this season, he has four RBI and no home runs.

All of which makes you wonder -- has it become a little too cool to be David Wright? All of the endorsements, the magazine covers, the public appearances and praise ... is it all too much too soon?"

I don't think it's the magazine covers or the contract. David Wright is an excellent baseball player. He's just not as good as lots of people thought. He's nowhere near as good as Alex Rodriguez, and he never was.

Let's review what Alex Rodriguez had accomplished by age 25.

When ARod was 25, he had his first 50-homerun season, which was preceded by three straight 40-homerun seasons.

When ARod was 20, he hit .358 with 36 homeruns.

David Wright will never accomplish these things.

Pretty sneaky, sis.

When ARod hit a homerun in four consecutive games, I thought of a good headline. But nobody used it.

When the Red Sox hit four straight homeruns, I still didn't see it.

Must I think of everything?

Overheard and overread.

Overread? That isn't even a word.


1. I paraphrase Keith Hernandez during today's Mets-Braves game. Two on, two out, tie game, top of the 8th, 2-0 pitch to Kelly Johnson with Edgar Renteria on deck:

"Renteria is a clutch, veteran hitter. The strategy here is to make the rookie beat you, but don't let the veteran beat you."

On cue, Johnson drills a game-winning three-run homerun on the next pitch.

Congratulations to the Mets for making the rookie beat you.

For future reference, I suggest an ever better strategy: Get the batter out.


2. Sportsline's "glog" of the Yankees-Sox game:

"Dice-K came up and in to A-Rod and knicked him. Perhaps this was a better result for Red Sox fans than a strikeout in some ways."

This is a constant source of befuddlement.

Why do fans cheer when a pitcher on their team beans an opposing player?

Why do fans boo when a player on their team is hit by a pitch?

It's a baserunner, people. The baserunner may become a run if he eventually touches home plate. Runs are how baseball games are won.

If the fans of a team cheer when their pitcher puts an opposing player on base, then they deserve what they get.

Sure enough, Giambi doubles in two runs.

Is that a better result for Red Sox fans?

Go ahead, Dice-K, be my guest.

Hit Yankee batters all night long.

Hit four in a row and it's a cheap run.

Somebody ask him about pinch-running for Giambi.

Kevin Thompson batting with two outs in the ninth.

I think Torre got in the habit of putting in late-inning defensive replacements for Giambi when Giambi was playing first base.

Now, Torre is putting in late-inning defensive replacements for his designated hitter.

Odd, that.

Funny Quote.

Andy Pettitte on ARod:

''Since I've been here, it's all been good,'' said Pettitte, who departed the Yankees before Rodriguez's arrival in 2004. ''I'm scratching my head trying to figure out what everybody's been complaining about.''

Bold Predictions.

Randy Hill answers a question nobody was asking:

"Pujols will hit, trust me."

I trust you.


"Through his first six seasons, the St. Louis Cardinals' slugger averaged 41 home runs and 126 RBI. But his two-homer, five-RBI effort on Sunday left Flat Albert with three and seven, respectively, for the season.

Despite his relentless consistency, Pujols — now hitting .170 — may be setting a new personal standard for early season struggle. He hit .372 with 14 homers and 32 RBI in April of 2006 after checking in with a solid .286 in 2005."

In his first six seasons, the lowest Albert Pujols has ever finished in MVP voting is fourth.

His 162-game average is .300/.416/.625, 43 hrs, 131 rbis.

According to baseball-reference.com's Hall Of Fame monitor, Albert Pujols is already 81st highest of all time. After just six seasons.

Trust me, Randy Hill: Nothing you could write in your column, no contrary prediction you could make, could stop Albert Pujols from hitting.

This prediction is like rolling a die and predicting a number between one and six.

Fishy.

When Jon Heyman picked the Angels as the "clear-cut favorite in its division," I thought it was an unwise choice. I personally like the Tigers.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. No big deal.

You know who else likes the Tigers? Jon Heyman, ten days earlier.

Conspicuous in its absence.

Sometimes, it's not what you say, it's what you don't say.

I heard Mike Lupica on the Sports Reporters this morning discussing the Imus firing. Lupica misread the situation. To paraphrase, Lupica said, "I usually have a pretty good idea about what's a big sports story."

As I elegantly spit my morning coffee out of my mouth, I decided to test his theory by examining his weekly Sunday column.

The Yankees currently have a third baseman who has seven homeruns in ten games. That's not only more homeruns that the Mets' third baseman, it's more homeruns than the Mets.

Mike Lupica is writing for a New York newspaper during baseball season. Only two mentions of the Yankees.

This: "Well, you could have picked me up off the floor when I found out Pavano was getting pushed back a couple of days with a sore arm."

(Tee hee.)

And this: "Sometimes my hamstrings get tight just watching the Yankees play."

(Har dee har har.)

The Yankees have injured players!

So, get worried, Yankee fans!


But we get another lengthy love letter to Jonathan Papelbon:

"If you watched Jonathan Papelbon of the Red Sox come out of the bullpen against the Texas Rangers last Sunday night on ESPN, you saw one of the most dominating efforts by a closer you're going to see all season.

And while we're on the subject: Terry Francona of the Red Sox basically did the same thing with Papelbon Friday night.

Brought him into a 4-1 game against the Angels when the Angels had first and third in the eighth and Bad Vlad Guerrero at the plate.

Papelbon struck out Guerrero with a 97-mph fastball, got Garret Anderson to fly out to end the inning.

When the Red Sox tacked on a bunch of runs in the bottom of the eighth, Papelbon was done for the night.

I don't know why managers don't do this more often, and I'm not talking about two-inning saves, necessarily.

But if you're absolutely convinced the game is on the line in the eighth, why wait until the ninth to bring in your closer?"

(But what is Plan B for the Red Sox if Papelbon gets hurt?)


There's this thing going on right under your nose. You have the privilege of watching one of the top ten baseball players ever during a hot streak. It's like watching Michelangelo drafting the Sistine Chapel. Right now, every ARod at-bat is Must See TV. The Yankees are 1-9 without ARod.

But Lupica won't mention ARod again until ARod hits into a ninth-inning double play.

Key word being "choice."

"Over the weekend, Major League Baseball will laud Jackie Robinson for his role in integrating the game and, ultimately, the country. At the same time, it will conveniently ignore another manner in which Robinson was far ahead of his time.

Given the choice, he probably would have chosen to play another sport professionally instead of baseball."

How presumptuous: "Jackie Robinson would have chosen to play another sport."


I don't think it's disrespectful to Jackie Robinson or the civil rights movement if young, black athletes choose to not play baseball. Or if young, black men choose, instead, to be software engineers or CEOs or Presidents of the U.S.

The general perception seems to be that Jackie Robinson would bemoan the relative lack of black ballplayers in major league baseball.

I'm not so sure.

I don't think Robinson's vision was so myopic.

New York fans are known for their toughness.

I am trying to imagine the outcry if Alex Rodriguez had started the season with 0 hrs and 3 rbis after ten games.

Vote For The Worst.

You have one hour to dial in.

1-866-Worthless or 1-866-BallThief.


It's actually not a difficult choice.

I do enjoy, on a daily basis, the fact that Torre insists on batting Ball Thief eighth instead of ninth. It's delicious. It's the Bad Managing version of a philly cheesesteak and you can enjoy it every day without getting fat.

Can I prove that the Yankees would have won last night if Ball Thief had batted ninth instead of eighth? No, I can not prove it. But the Yankees would have won last night if Ball Thief had batted ninth instead of eighth.

My favorite moment was probably when he lined into a double play. Naturally, Posada was running on the pitch. It was a prime example of how the Yankees can do things offensively. Hitting into double plays is a thing.

I also remember a play a few games ago when the pitcher (Igawa?) threw the ball wildly to first base. Ball Thief came off the base and saved a run with his glove.

Doesn't necessarily make up for 11,000 runners left on base, but it was a thing. That he did. Because he can definitely do some things.

So did Dave LaPoint.

Grandpa Joe explains Jackie Robinson's remarkable qualities:

"He was remarkable," Torre recalled recently. "He was a great athlete -- he played first, played third, played second ... "

Sounds good so far.

"... and wore No. 42."

Ho hum.

"The Yankees have played 16,116 games in their 105-year history, but they have ended only eight games with a grand slam. Yesterday’s game-ending grand slam, the third of Rodriguez’s career, may have been the most dramatic."

That's all you need to say.

"In an instant, a week of bad starting pitching and three years of a New York roller-coaster ride can disappear with one perfect swing.

This is a different A-Rod. I've been writing that since spring training and yesterday Rodriguez showed the world just how different, blasting a Reggie Jackson-like ninth-inning, two-outs, two-strikes, game-winning grand slam, the kind of shot you remember for the rest of your life.

And it was done with an effortless, unburdened swing."

Forget the off-field subplots for a moment. Just think about the pure aesthetic beauty of that homerun.

This was the kind of shot you remember for the rest of your life.

It felt like Little League, indeed.

Funny how Kevin Kernan and everybody else can see it. Only Mike Lupica is too far gone to enjoy baseball anymore.

Poor Lupica.

Poor guy had another article all ready to go about how the Mets are better than the Yankees and more intriguing and more exciting and the Wave of the Future.

Then, Alex Rodriguez hits a walkoff grand slam with two outs in the ninth.

What shall Lupica do? Shall he write a new article? Or shall he change the tone of his article a little bit? Or shall he just somehow incorporate this contrary data, but keep the same anti-Yankee, pro-Met tone? Deadline is approaching and he has to make a decision.

Lupica is forced to insouciantly dismiss one of the most exciting and dramatic and fun and intriguing plays he has ever seen on a baseball diamond.

Lupica would rather talk about how uber-awesome the Mets are:

"These past couple of years, the Mets feel as if they are starting all over again, two years before they move out there beyond right field, through the rotunda that will face Roosevelt Avenue. Even with the age we always hear about on their pitching staff, even with 40-year-old Moises Alou playing left and old Valentin at second, there is still something fresh and new to the Mets, six months after they should have made the World Series."

Odd he should say "fresh and new," because he has written this same same stale and old article for many years now.

Freakin' Mike Cameron in centerfield was fresh and new. The second coming of Ken Griffey Jr.

I think Roger Cedeno was gonna be Rickey Henderson.


"It is only the first week. The Mets make us pay attention to them already, as they try to come out of the blocks this season the way they did last season. That was an amazing series against the Cardinals in St. Louis, even if it didn't make up for Yadier Molina. The Braves' series started with that beatdown Friday night."

The Mets' first four games were exciting for Mets fans, I'm sure. Fans always pay attention to their teams because that is what fans do.

But they were exceedingly boring games for the casual fan. This imaginary non-committal entertainment-seeker to whom Lupica is alluding. The baseball fan whose loyalty is up for grabs.

Bo-Ring.

The Mets are nothing but greedy big spenders beating up on small markets, complete with Jose Reyes tacking on some useless RBIs when the Mets already had an eight-run lead.

Certainly nothing that matches a two-out ninth inning walkoff grand slam.


"The Yankees will always make headline and news on and off the field. The fans booed Alex Rodriguez in the first inning of the first game and loved him like he was the second coming of Mickey Mantle yesterday when he hit that walk-off slam into the black in center. But after four years of this, even that soap opera has gotten old.

...

How do I get some kind of reprieve from the daily A-Rod clutch-hitting watch?"

The soap opera has gotten old. I agree. Please stop writing about it.

If Mike Lupica is bored with the Yankees, then he can do us all a favor and stop watching them play baseball and stop writing about them.

If Mike Lupica doesn't understand the emotional payoff of yesterday's game after 3 1/2 dreadful hours on a chilly Sunday afternoon, then maybe he doesn't understand sports at all.

I know it's only Baltimore and I know it's only April. But that is precisely the kind of game that keeps the fans coming back for more.

Yankee fans all over the country are excitedly phoning one another. This is a moment that is completely unforgettable. You sit around with wiffle bats when you're seven years old and you intone Phil Rizzuto: "Two outs, bottom of the ninth, bases loaded ... the 1-2 pitch ... Holy Cow!"

Does Lupica really think the Yankees' future is bleak? Five million tri-state middle schoolers are going to be ARod during Monday's stickball game. If they weren't hooked before, they're hooked now.

All these fans pick up the newspaper the next day and are told how boring their team is.

They are told by a man who constantly calls ARod a "choker" that the "clutch watch" should be stopped.

Now, Lupica wants to stop talking about "clutch," does he? After the two-out ninth inning walkoff grand slam? Oh, that's interesting. Because I think a strikeout in that situation would have prompted another "choker" blurb in your article.

ARod comes to the plate after already hitting a homerun and a double, scoring three runs, and driving in two. He swings and misses a 1-1 pitch and the fans are already booing. Already, I'm angry about the unfair treatment he is about to receive.

Then, he swings at a 1-2 pitch -- a letter-high fastball, typical of a pitch that he missed a lot last year -- maybe the 12 pounds will really make a difference -- and he connects.

Not with a big, wild, homerun swing. With a quick stab.

The pitcher points to the sky, thinking it's a fly ball.

On the radio, John Sterling thinks it's a fly ball.

I think it's a game-ending fly ball. He didn't even swing hard. He didn't even get it on the sweet spot. I have seen a lot of fly balls to centerfield and that's a fly ball to centerfield.

The fly ball ends up in the black centerfield bleachers.

The man is so talented, his homeruns are optical illusions.

The "second coming of Mickey Mantle" is an insult to this man. Mickey Mantle was merely the 15th or 20th best player of all time.


There was quite an amazing story in New York baseball yesterday. Quite possibly, a once-in-a-lifetime story. That story wasn't about the Mets.

Lupica really doesn't get it. Lupica is simply too concerned with his own agenda. Lupica has pre-determined that the Yankees are joyless and a Jose Reyes ground out is more exciting than an Alex Rodriguez homerun.

Lupica, it's time for you to go away.

That's Our Joe!

I thought the funniest move by Joe Torre today was going to be his starting lineup. Inexplicably batting Mintkayvitch eighth and Cabrera ninth.

(I know, I know. Torre has an "explanation," and I know what it is. Circular lineup, the number nine hitter can be a "second leadoff hitter," we can do some things with speed, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, why am I wearing sunglasses on a cloudy day?)

But this starting lineup was not the funniest thing Torre did today.

The funniest thing occurred in the eighth inning.

With one out in the eighth, Giambi hits a three-run homerun to make the score Baltimore 7, New York 6.

The next batter is supposed to be Matsui, but Matsui has left the game due to an injury and Miguel Cairo has replaced Matsui in left field.

Damon is avaialable, but not 100% healthwise.

So, Cairo goes to the plate and takes a strike.

Then, after the count is 0-1, Torre calls on Damon to be the pinch hitter.

I've heard of chess grandmasters and their ability to anticipate as many as ten moves into the future.

Joe Torre, on the other hand, is probably still working on the strategies of tic-tac-toe.

Has ARod stopped beating his wife?

Michael Jordan was once asked if his performance on the court sometimes surprised himself. He answered, "Yes." Which immediately sounds obnoxious. However, if you think about it, it probably sounds more obnoxious if he answers, "No."

An April 6th game vs. Tampa Bay is not a great opportunity for ARod to turn Yankees fans in his favor. It just isn't. It's not a key at-bat for ARod because a grand slam would have done nothing more than elicit more shouts or "Mr. April."

It's going to take a Reggie game in the World Series. Which means it obviously isn't likely to ever happen. One hundred years of World Series games and only Babe Ruth and Reggie Jackson have 3-homerun games in the World Series.

Now, when a baseball player is questioned about a particular at-bat, I think it's pretty obnoxious to insult the opposing player who just beat you:

"It was frustrating. He gave me a good pitch to hit and I didn't do much with it," Rodriguez said. "A fat pitch. It was right there."

But I also don't think there's a good way to answer the question.

If ARod says the guy made a great pitch, round bat, round ball, 0.01 seconds to react, nobody ever batted .500, then he just sounds like a blameshifter.

Color me discouraged.

Mike Fitzpatrick's analysis seems to be the consensus:

" ... and the Yankees even got a few encouraging innings from Carl Pavano ..."


Even Steinbrenner the Terrible gives high marks to his $10 million bust:

"Pavano allowed five runs -- four earned -- and six hits in 4 1-3 innings. After 73 pitches, he left to a mix of cheers and boos.

'He did well,' Steinbrenner said."


What the heck is going on here?

Mike Puma sums it up nicely:

"The biggest benefit of low expectations is the praise that often accompanies even the most minimal achievement."

Plan A.

Top 9th: Tampa Bay

- M. Rivera relieved M. Rivera [sic]

- D. Navarro struck out swinging
- E. Dukes struck out swinging
- B.J. Upton struck out looking

Close and Late!

Alex Rodriguez starts out the 2007 season with a 1.000 batting average in close and late situations.

What can account for this dramatic turaround in clutch play?

It's probably the 12 pounds he lost.

Or the motivation of the opt out.

Or the embarrassment of batting eighth in the playoffs last year.

It is going to be a fun season.

One inning in the books and Alex Rodriguez has been booed twice by the Yankee Stadium crowd.

John Sterling says he "deserved it." He overran a foul pop and struck out with two runners on base.

Whether or not he "deserved it," get used to it.

Speaking of the strikeout, it occurred on a 3-2 pitch with two runners on and one out. One of the game's premier strikeout pitchers vs. one of the game's premier strikeout batters.

So, naturally, the call is to send the runners. Both of whom were safe on the basepaths. But does Joe Torre even think about these advanced analyses? Such as the pitcher and the batter? Is he sending the runners if Sandy Koufax is pitching to Reggie Jackson? The answer is "yes." Torre is sending the runners because Torre likes to "do things."

Maybe Torre can explain in the following defense of a first baseman who will hit .212 with 5 homeruns:

"But the things he can do, aside from the defensive aspect of it, is that he can put the ball in play. When you put the ball in play, we can do some things with our offense. That's encouraging for us, because swinging and missing really curtails some of the things you can do."

I hope that clears it up. Doing things is a very important aspect to baseball strategy. Maybe us neophytes would understand the imporance of doing things if we had a few decades of major league experience.

I wasn't listening on the radio, but I'm guessing Jeter got a standing ovation following his throwing error.

It is going to be a fun season.

And those kids ought to stop skateboarding on the sidewalk.

"The New York Mets and St. Louis Cardinals, who were in a fierce battle for the National League pennant in October, opened the 2007 season Sunday night.

Ho, hum.

You'd think this grudge match — the Cardinals went on to win the World Series — would demand national headlines. Instead, except for the two cities involved, this opener had about as much hoopla as any other April game.

This is a perfect example of how Major League Baseball has sold out to ESPN and tarnished one of its most sacred rituals: opening day.

The traditional opener was always in Cincinnati. There was a parade, kids hooked school and the first pitch helped melt away the winter. Baseball was back."

The mayor took the locomotive to the game so he could threw out the first ball. A fat mayor. Wearing suspenders and a monacle.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion.

"You know the best part about the Mets having a game tonight?

It means Jose Reyes is back in season.

This is a wonderful time to be a New York baseball fan.

There are so many players to watch, and so many of them are great players, and some of those great players have a lot of World Series rings.

I would rather watch Reyes play baseball than any of them."

I'd rather watch Jason Grimsley play baseball than Billy Wagner. I think it's funny when Grimsley takes his cap off every time he walks off the mound.

Go root for Jose Reyes all you want.

But a sportswriter ought to attempt to tell the truth and ought to attempt to be consistent.

When Jose Reyes leaves six runners on base in a playoff game, I want to Lupica to write that Reyes is a choker.

I was also wondering what the Mets' "Plan B" is if Jose Reyes pulls a hamstring.

What a beautiful Sunday afternoon.

Why do I do this to myself?:

"I don't care what Joe Torre's outfield rotation is this season, I just want Melky to play."

So you do care what Joe Torre's outfield rotation is this season.

Because who are you going to bench in favor of Melky?

You must choose between Johnny Damon, Hideki Matsui, or Bobby Abreu.


"Because if Papelbon really was Plan A for the back of the Red Sox bullpen all along, there really was no Plan B. But then, there's no Plan B with the Yanks if anything ever happens to Mo."

Wow.

He's harshing on the Mariano backup plan again.

Do you think there is a single team in the major leagues which has two dominant closers?

Yes, I remember the 1996 Yankees with Wetteland and a surprise Rivera. It was amazing.

But it's not sustainable. Because the only way to take a dominant closer -- say, B.J. Ryan -- and ask him to be a setup guy is to pay a premium.

B.J. Ryan signed a nice free agent contract last year.

Since he's a closer, he will accumulate hundreds of saves over the course of the contract, setting him up nicely for his next negotiation session and also increasing his overall status in the game.

Not much of a market for holds.

Anyway, how can the Yankees convince B.J. Ryan to ignore his own career and accept a demotion? They could entice him by paying him $15 million per year.

Then, you've got a solid Plan B.

Since that's dumb for everybody, your Plan B is Tom Gordon or Kyle Farnsworth.

Imagine if the season had started.

So much for getting younger, quicker, and more flexible with the payroll:

"There is no time to waste. Circumstances dictate immediate action. The Yankees need to play their best hand and get Roger Clemens back in Pinstripes."

It's spring training.

"Brian Cashman spent some time yesterday with retired football Giants GM Ernie Accorsi. Losing Wang now is like losing your star running back in the final exhibition game."

Roger Clemens was always presumed to be better than Kei Igawa or Carl Pavano. The Wang injury really doesn't change much because Wang is expected to be back before the 1st of May. So, what has really changed? If Cashman wanted to spend the money on Clemens, he should have done it already.

"All the plans, all the moves are meaningless without an ace."

I'm guessing Wang is the ace.

Okay.

But Wang will be back in a month.

Clemens won't even be in major league shape in a month.


"Clemens not only is the Yankees' best option, he is their only option."

Well, maybe they shouldn't have traded Randy Johnson in the first place.

But the options are actually pretty close to infinite. It's just a matter of how much the Yankees are willing to spend or how much they are willing to trade.

Or just wait ten days for Wang to get back.

That's an option.

I've got an even better idea.

Why is everybody suddenly so gung ho about Carl Pavano's ability to stand on a baseball mound and throw pitches towards home plate?

Is the key to perceived success simply setting low expectations?:

"In the bottom of the first inning, the Reds used three singles to load the bases with no outs. Up stepped the slugger Adam Dunn.

'The smart way to go about it is to be willing to give up a couple of runs, but don’t let them get a huge inning,' Pavano said. 'That’s when you put pressure on yourself and make bad pitches.' "

I'll remember that theory in mid-June when your ERA is 5.99 and your IP per start is about 4 2/3.

I'm no pitching coach, but I think the smarter way to go about it is to give up zero runs in as many innings as you can.

Like, don't load the bases in the first place.

Proposition: Should Carl Pavano be the Yankees' Opening Day starter?

For the affirmative, it's Glenn Giangrande: "Forget about Chien-Ming Wang, Mike Mussina or Andy Pettitte. If Joe Torre really wants to make Opening Day special, he'd start Carl Pavano."

For the negative, it's Glenn Giangrande: "Don't misunderstand me -- I am well aware that David Eckstein has a better chance of hitting 50 home runs this season than Pavano does of taking the mound on April 2nd. Heck, Pavano's not even in the conversation, and for good reasons. He isn't worthy of the honor to begin with."

After careful deliberation, I have come to the conclusion that I agree with Glenn Giangrande.

I choose "uninformed."

"Call me crazy, infirmed or anything else you choose, but I think Carl Pavano will have a productive season for the Yankees."

"Infirmed" is not a word.

I also think it's funny that La Monica's idea of a productive year is 12-8.

The Follow-Up Nobody Dares Ask.

"I know a lot of you are ready to throw Mientkiewicz under the bus. But give him a shot. You won’t see it in the box score but A-Rod threw wildly in the first inning and Mientkiewicz came off the bag to get the ball and swiped a tag on Lyle Overbay as he went by.

Minky will do that two or three times a series and there’s value in that."

Numbers are specific. The use of specific numbers invites scrutiny. It's a problem when you're really trying to convey vague information.

"Two or three times a series" can mean a lot of things.

The difference between two and three is 50%. Which is a lot of variance, depending on the context.

"A series" probably means three games. Or four. Less commonly, two games, or five games.

I'm going to average it out. The average of 2 and 3 is 2.5. The average length of a series is 3.5 games. Not so much the average, probably, but the median.

Using 2.5 saved errors for every 3.5 games, Abraham is suggesting that Doug M. will save 116 errors by Yankee infielders this year.

The absurdity of this observation is immediately obvious. The Yankee infielders wouldn't make that many throwing errors this season if Jorge Posada had to cover first base on every play.

But the scenario which Abraham is describing isn't even just saving 116 errors, it's supposedly saving 116 errors that other first baseman -- say, Andy Phillips, Jason Giambi, Shea Hillenbrand, Craig Wilson -- pick any old first baseman who could hit over .100 -- would not have been able to save. Jason Giambi is a statue, but even Jason Giambi can occasionally catch baseballs and tag runners as they run by.

This isn't even that difficult to figure out. All you have to do is watch the games.

Count the number of times a thrown ball evades Andy Phillips. An error that Mintkayvitch probably would have turned into an out. The "probably" is subjective, but you can still count "potential errors." It could be an entirely new stat category.

Over the course of the season? This will occur maybe 10 or 12 times. Nowhere near "two or three times a series."

If Doug Mintkayvitch could really turn 116 baserunners into outs, then he'd probably be the best player in baseball.

Which he is not.

"Here’s what Joe Torre said about it:

'Is it more beneficial to help your pitching staff and be more defensive oriented? Certainly if [we] don’t score runs we can’t sit here and blame Mientkiewicz. That’s my whole thought process. Not when you have a second baseman like we have, a shortstop like we have and the production that the center fielder puts out plus a catcher. You’re stealing from some positions that are defensive positions.' "

I don't know if it's more beneficial to help your pitching staff and be more defensive oriented. That would be a good question for the manager of the Yankees.

If you find the manager of the Yankees, you can tell him that, if the Yankees don't score runs, and Mintkayvitch hits .002 with runners in scoring position, then he can partially blame Mintkayvitch.

But the obvious, important, nagging follow-up question would go something like this: "Then why the heck did Gary Sheffield play first base in the playoffs last year?"

One more follow-up Mr. Torre: "Does green tea cause disintegration of the frontal lobe? Because I'm running out of alternate explanations."

I'm repeating myself because Lupica's repeating himself.

I apologize for the redundant nature of my blog.

Just for kicks, I checked the March '05 and March '06 archives, looking for proof of more anti-Mariano garbage.

I quickly found Mike Lupica on March 27, 2005:

"If you aren't worried about what kind of shape Mo Rivera's right arm is going to be in by October, then you're nuts."


April 28, 2006 (though this isn't Lupica):

"Yanks' closer not nearly what he once was, but manager still overusing him."


There were a couple more from April 2005 with Klapisch and the Daily News pronouncing the end of Rivera's career. It's tough to verify with dead links.

Point being, this has been going on for ten years.

As soon as Mariano blew a save in the '97 playoffs, he proved he couldn't handle Wetteland's role.

Plan B is lose a lot of games.

"And I don't want to sound cynical, because it's not my nature, but what is Plan B if Mo Rivera finally does begin to show his age this season?"

First of all, you should have asked all the people waiting in line for Mets tickets the same question about B-Wags, El Duque, Glavine, and Alou.

Secondly, be a man and admit that you've questioned Mariano every single (pre) season since 1996.

Mike Lupica, supposedly acclaimed baseball writer for the New York Daily News, had a big theory after the 2001 World Series that Mariano Rivera was not going to be able to mentally recover from the loss to the Diamondbacks.

Eventually, Mike Lupica will be proven correct.

Eventually, Mariano Rivera will either become an ineffective pitcher or retire from professional baseball.

When this happens, the esteemed Mr. Lupica will finally be able to say, "I told ya so!"

I'll just call him "Irabu."

I was wondering how to pronounce Kei Igawa's name. Thanks to the Daily News' endless search for the perfect pun, I am now more confused than ever:

"Kei can't unlock control."

So, it must be pronounced "key."


"Control is far from O-Kei."

So, it must be pronounced "kay."

Alex Rodriguez, Inc.

Don't you hate it when somebody explains something plainly obvious and then tells you that you don't understand this simple concept:

"What a lot of the A-Rod Forever crowd doesn’t understand is that this has nothing to do with the Yankees or Jeter or Torre or the media. It has everything to do with Alex Rodriguez, Inc."

Yes. ARod is self-centered and he was pushing his own agenda on the Mike and the Mad Dog Show.

Thanks for the insight, beat writer. Keep up the good work.

(Is "Inc." supposed to be an insult? Because, in the time it took you to add ", Inc." to his name, he earned more in interest than you will earn in your entire life. He probably is incorporated into a separate legal entity in order to protect his assets. If you ever move out of the Datsun, maybe you should think about doing the same thing.)

But even Abraham's simplistic observation (ARod is greedy!) doesn't get it quite right.

Because the fate of Alex Rodriguez, Inc. is related to the fate of the Yankees and, therefore, Jeter and Torre.

So Alex Rodriguez, Inc. absolutely has something to do with the Yankees and Jeter and Torre.


"Given what the market was like last winter, what would a player like Alex be worth next winter?"

A heck of a lot.

Probably not $25 mill per year, though. That ridiculous contract broke the bank and has never been approached by any other big league ballplayers.


"Starting the bidding at $33 million a year for seven years."

?????.

"Start the bidding at $33 million a year for seven years."

Did you say "$33 million"?

You really think ARod is going to get an offer for $33 million per year?

You, sir, are not smart. Your Yankee blog is starting to sound like a parody of itself.

Greed is preferable to sloth.

"You're asking me what my sincere feeling is. I want to 100 percent stay in New York. Period. That's it. I don't know how many ways I can say it."

-- Alex Rodriguez

"I know I have one more year. After that, I don't know what's going to happen. Definitely I want to finish my career here, but if they don't give the respect that I deserve, I have to move on."

-- Mariano Rivera


As for ARod's "loyalty pledge," I don't believe he used the word "loyal" one time during the interview.

No matter how screwed-up ARod is in the head, I hope he doesn't believe in fairy tales like "loyalty."

Surely, ARod noticed how the Yankees treated Bernie Williams. Or how the Yankees treated Gary Sheffield. Or how Andy Pettitte treated the Yankees, and the Astros, and maybe the Yankees again in a couple of years. Or how Roger Clemens treated the Red Sox, Blue Jays, and Yankees.

Greed is good. Free agency is good. Opt-outs are good. Loyalty is bad. It's a situation that keeps everybody on their toes.

Alex Rodriguez on "Exposed."

I find it amusing that every Alex Rodriguez utterance is deeply analyzed for every nuance. At the same time, Joe Torre freely contradicts himself mid-sentence and Omar Minaya doesn't even finish his thoughts.

Now that I've pointed this out to you, I may ruin your life.

Just listen to Omar Minaya interviewed on the radio or television.

Guy starts a thought and then never concludes the thought before starting down a new discussion path. The conclusion just sort of hangs there like an Alay Soler curveball. It's an implied conversation. It's a bisecting rhetorical soliloquy. He's having a debate with himself.


The Alex Rodriguez situation is not that difficult to understand, people.

As of this moment, Alex Rodriguez wants to finish his career as a Yankee. That's what he says. He has an opt-out which he doesn't plan on using.

However, he is not 100% sure this will occur, because nobody can be 100% sure of the future.

If the Yankees don't want him back, then he doesn't want to be back.

It must be a day that ends in "y."

(1) Jon Heyman attacks Gary Sheffield's character and (2) Commissioner Lurch says something dumb:

"Arte Moreno, all during the whole drug thing ... I didn't have any more aggressive, supportive owner."

The "whole drug thing," huh?

You mean the thing with the guy?

Oh, one more thing: Why is the "whole drug thing" being referred to in the past tense?

Tim Marchman Fights the Good Fight.

As a bonus, he goes right after Lupica.

I really don't have much to add to this exceedingly excellent column of excellentness except, "Word":

"We live, as our bluenoses are ever so quick to remind us, in a society of laws. Among the most fundamental of those, right up there with freedom of speech and freedom from arbitrary detention, is the right to define our legal relationships with others within the broader context of civil and criminal law. It is illegal to buy hGH without a prescription, and if Matthews did so and gets prosecuted for it, there's no reason to cry a single tear for him. That being said, the Angels don't have the right to fire him over it (certainly not because he's simply been accused of it in a magazine article), and that's a good thing. If owners want that right, they can try and negotiate for it at the bargaining table. If they can't get the players to agree, that's too bad."

You just can't win.

Why am I a baseball fan?

I'm not really sure why.

Somehow, when I was a child, I became completely transfixed with the in-game drama. Over the years, I developed a passionate rooting interest in one team, but I can also enjoy and appreciate baseball between any two teams -- as long as my favorite team's highly-paid players are not risking injury in the World Baseball Classic.

Way, way, way down on the list is "bragging rights":

"The Yankees still get more of the media coverage," Ben said. The others nodded. "We're still not 50-50 with them. Call it 60-40. We're coming on."

Just be careful what you wish for, Ben.

Because, the better your team plays, the more media coverage they will get. The more media coverage they get, the greater the possibility that Mike Lupica asks you questions while you wait in line for tickets.

I suddenly feel so irrelevant.

The Internet finds its higher purpose.

At long last, Curt Schilling has an outlet for his thoughts and opinions.

Revenge!

The Yankees are so egocentric.

I know Andy Pettitte wears his cap low on his forehead and won four rings with the Yankees, but I don't know why he has reputation as a great character guy.

In his three years with the Astros, Pettitte was paid $tens of millions and played in one World Series.

How happy do you think the Astros are to find out that their well-paid hometown pitcher was bored stiff during last year's pennant race?:

"At the end of the year, we're all frustrated and we don't know if we want to do this again, and all of that stuff," Torre said. "He was so frustrated and he just felt there was something missing, and I think he felt that the something missing was his desire to play."

So I could be a hitting coach.

"Even in spring training, Jason Giambi sees 'The Shift.' And he expects opposing defenses to continue to move an extra infielder to the right side when he bats because of his tendency to pull the ball.

But Giambi and the Yankees are working this spring on having him go back to using the entire field."

" 'It's to be a better hitter, so that you're more consistent,' hitting coach Kevin Long said yesterday. 'I don't think we're doing this to combat the shift. That's not what it's about.' "

" 'It's what he did when he was an MVP. It's what he did when he was at his best. It's what he wants to do and I want to see him accomplish it.' "

Somebody on the Yankees realized that Giambi should hit the ball more to the left side of the field, like he did when he hit .342?

I suddenly feel so important.

For the past five years, I thought my shouts from the bleachers seats were going unheeded.

While we're at it, "What are you swingin' at?"

My work here is done.

Heyman disses Al-Sor.

"If Yankees superstar Alex Rodriguez exercises his opt-out clause after this season and walks away from the $81 million and three years remaining on his record contract, he may be subjected to even more boos in the Bronx."

Is ARod "in the Bronx" or are the boos "in the Bronx"?

Because, in ARod's current situation, he is subjected to boos in the Bronx during 81 homes games.

If ARod walks away from his Yankee contract, then he'd probably play for another team.

Even if that team visits the Bronx from time to time, ARod would seldom be subjected to boos in the Bronx because he is not in the Bronx.

Maybe he means "boos emanating from the Bronx."


"(Alfonso Soriano, seen as barely a bit player in A-Rod's trade to the Yankees three years ago, recently got $136 million over eight years from the Cubs in an exploding market reflective of the industry's revenues doubling to $6 billion in a matter of a few years.)"

Alfonso Soriano was third in rookie of the year voting in 2000. He was 3rd in MVP voting in 2001 and 20th in MVP voting in 2002. Two-time all star in his first three seasons.

If I spent some time, I could find lots of articles from three years ago which claimed that Soriano was on his way to becoming a 50 HR / 50 SB player, that Soriano would certainly hit more HRs in Texas than ARod would hit in the Bronx, and that the Rangers got the best of the trade.

Alfonso Soriano was never seen as a bit player.

I was going to say Dallas Green.

"The greatest New York Yankees managers of all time?

Try these: Joe McCarthy, Miller Huggins, Casey Stengel.

And Joe Torre."

Bucky Dent?


"Everybody knows, himself included, if the Yankees don't make it to the World Series in October, his career in pinstripes is probably over.

That is a sad testament for baseball, if not our society. Anything less than first place doesn't count."

Mr. Bodley, why does your list of greatest Yankees managers include Joe McCarthy, Miller Huggins, Casey Stengel ...

And Joe Torre?

Because they won.

What a sad testament for baseball, if not our society.

Not like the good ol' days when American ballplayers politely vied for second place.


"When Torre took over the Yankees in 1996, they hadn't won a World Series in 18 years. He reeled off an incredible four out of five."

What does it matter if the Yankees had not won a World Series in 18 years? Mr. Bodley is saying that anything less than first place doesn't count. What a sad testament for baseball, if not our society.


"The Yankees looked terrible in losing to the Detroit Tigers in last year's American League Division Series, dropping three consecutive games after taking the opener."

With a $200 million payroll.

But who cares who wins and who loses?

Keeping score in a competitive endeavor is a sad testament for baseball, if not our society.


Read this:

"Torre would be back for the final year of his contract, the highest-paid manager in the history of baseball at $7.5 million this season."

Then read this:

" 'You get hurt,' he says. 'I don't think it's strong enough to say you feel sorry for yourself. The last thing I want to do is say, 'Woe is me.' Nobody wants to hear that.' "

Yes, I'd agree that nobody wants to hear the highest-paid manager in the history of baseball say "Woe is me."

But if the last thing Torre wants to say is "woe is me," then he shouldn't even utter the phrase, "woe is me."

If it's not strong enough to say you feel sorry for yourself, then why did you just say you feel sorry for yourself?

The words that you're not saying are the same words that are coming out of your mouth.

"Dignified" Torre pulls this trick all the time.

"I wouldn't say ARod is a choking loser and I want to punch him in the kidney, so let's just say that he appeared uncomfortable in some of today's at-bats."

If you really don't want to say something, then you don't say it. You don't spend all day talking about how much you aren't saying it.